Mr Gullible

I’ve been accused of many things in my past life. In fact, I’ve accused myself of having many odd personality traits. However, when somebody calls me gullible, it raises my hackles slightly. 

I hate to blow my own trumpet (and I rarely do) and when somebody tells me that I am gullible, I start to question why they think that. In almost all cases, it is the person who is accusing me of being gullible that is in fact the gullible one. 

I am trying my best to avoid politics but alas, this subject is the one that highlights gullibility and naiveness in a lot of people. Take Donald Trump for example. I don’t know why, but my internet algorithm hurls the thoughts of the MAGA brigade at me occasionally. I really should stop watching such garbage but I find myself inexorably being drawn into their thoughts and their attempts to defend the indefensible. 

The man is a pathological liar and a malignant narcissist. Why do people believe him, when he is clearly lying? He is out of his depth and the moment he opens his mouth, most people can see exactly what he is. Yet the MAGA cultists believe him, sometimes contradicting themselves defending him. 

“I would never vote for a felon!” announces a MAGA cultist. 

“Er – you actually did!” says the interviewer. 

And then they backtrack with either “Well even a felon is better than Kamala Harris!” or “That’s a democratic hoax. He isn’t guilty; he was framed!”

It’s unbelievable. 

I also can’t quite imagine how somebody would believe the bullshit served on a plate by Scientologists and why so many people fall for the nonsense that they discharge in the name of religion. I’ve mentioned before that Scientologists tried to indoctrinate me in Amsterdam when I was a young, naïve student and, naïve as I was, there was no way I was ever going to fall for their lies. And that was before I discovered that they all believe we are possessed by the souls of aliens. 

And I wonder what flat-earthers think of the Artemis II mission? I have been watching it with a great deal of interest and I am delighted that at the time of writing they are on their way back from this marvellous mission. I imagine that flat-earthers are already starting to spread rumours that it is all a complete hoax and that the evil NATO are trying to brainwash us all. We can clearly see that the planet we all live on ISN’T shaped like a stuffed-crust pizza but these gullible idiots will double down on their collective ignorance to try to convince us otherwise. 

Why are people so gullible? 

Is it a personality flaw? 

I know that things have deteriorated since the advent of social media, with people believing absolutely everything they read, especially if posted by people they apparently trust, or celebrities that they love. I think that’s the case with Donald Trump. He is or was a celebrity and that fact, combined with his extremely isolationist and right-wing political views, have managed to persuade people that he is the man for the job and “the best president we have had in my lifetime” despite the mounting evidence to the contrary. The truth is worse because history will show him to be the worst president ever. The man who said “I will lower prices, end wars and make America great again” has in fact damaged the economy, started a war (with no idea how to end it), and caused America to fall out with its closest allies, which ultimately could damage the country.

That’s the end of the political nonsense for this post. I promise. 

Instead, let me tell you about “The Banana Apocalypse”. If you haven’t heard about this, in January 2000, somebody started sending e-mails saying that imported bananas were infecting people with a disease that is reminiscent of something out of “The Walking Dead”. If you ate an imported banana then you would succumb to “necrotising fasciitis” which would cause your skin to develop huge purple boils that eventually collapse and take away your skin with it, making you look like a Zombie.  

Loads of people believed this nonsense, despite the CDC saying that it was all fabricated. In the end, there were so many people believing it that they had to set up a “banana hotline” to deal with distraught gullible people who ignored the experts. These gullible people spread the rumour and refused to believe the experts who said it was all bullshit. 

What can you do under these circumstances? 

I think that people should question absolutely everything, especially if comes from a sensationalist source, like social media. I think because I have a scientific mind, I try to analyse things before I even begin to start believing them – and even then I keep alive a healthy dose of scepticism in case I have been fooled. 

For example, with Scientology, I could perhaps have been naïve enough to believe that I had a personality disorder that meant that I might need help not to deteriorate to the point where I need something around me to stop me from hurling myself in front of a tram. When it happened, I knew that I was happy and that suicide was the furthest thing from my mind (as it is now and has always been) and that made me question their motives. Had they eventually told me that aliens called Thetans live in my body and that I will rise to become some sort of ethereal cosmic wanderer when I evacuate my corporeal form, I would have laughed and told them to piss off. 

I question everything and I don’t commit myself. I know that the Earth is a globe; I know that Donald Trump is a lying, manipulative malignant narcissist; I know that Adolf Hitler didn’t emigrate to Argentina; I know that Elvis Presley died in the 1970s and isn’t hiding from the Mafia; I know that the Nazis didn’t build a base on the Moon. 

Actually, I would pay money to see an argument between a flat-earther and a person who believed that there are Nazis planning the Fourth Reich on the dark side of the moon. 

Maybe Pink Floyd could write a song about that.

The Truth is Out There (Maybe)

I am a close personal friend of Taylor Swift and last week I played the piano for her. She is so impressed by my progress over the past couple of years that she has asked me to perform on her next album and accompany her on her next world tour.

How incredible is that? 

It is totally incredible and it is, of course, totally false. 

Nevertheless it is more believable than some of the bullshit that has been spread across the planet in the past decade or so. This explosion of lies has increased exponentially with the rise of social media. 

Coincidence? I think not. 

Two things surprise me about the spread of lies as “truth”. The first thing is that the lies are becoming more and more outrageous. The second thing is that people actually believe them despite the evidence to the contrary. 

It isn’t surprising that there are now far more conspiracy theories out there and that more and more people believe them. Nor is it surprising that a lot of politicians are blatantly lying to the world. 

Take Donald Trump for example. This man is the worst person ever to have held the position of president of the United States. He had four years of power and it was a total disaster. And yet he won the last election and today he will be back in office for yet another four years. Some of the lies he told in his campaign are breathtaking. 

Such blatant lying isn’t limited to just the United States. In Britain we have Boris Johnson who has given Trump a run for his money in the past.

BBC news has a “fact checker” where they analyse statements by prominent politicians and indicate the veracity of some of these outlandish statements basically indicating whether they are true, exaggerated or simply blatant lies. Yet I have read comments from people online who refuse to believe that their politician of choice is lying and say mad things like “The BBC is totally biased against the Conservative Party and is lying!”

One of the things I’ve noticed about such people is that they simply refuse to admit that people like Trump and Johnson are capable of telling lies. The same is true for conspiracy theorists. 

I’ve mentioned “Flat Earthers” before and this applies doubly to them. They refuse to believe that the Earth is a sphere despite the overwhelming evidence to support it. They believe that the Earth is a giant frisbee and although scientists can prove that it is not, such people seem to thrive on this and tell scientists that they are liars and part of a global conspiracy to fool the people. 

I mean WHY?

What would be the advantages of denying that the Earth is a pancake? And I’ve found that the more you try to convince such a person that the Earth is a globe, the more entrenched they become in their views, the more angry they become and they more they think that you are an idiot for believing that the planet if a sphere. It’s like they are digging themselves in and will never ever admit the folly of their views. 

Such people claim that there is tons of “evidence” out there – and they are right. The “evidence” is on social media sites and comes from nutcases who believe that Terry Pratchett’s Discworld is based on the shape of our own planet. 

Here is an amusing rant from comedian David Mitchell about this:

What he says is exactly true. The rise of the internet and social media makes it easy for kooks to get a voice and spread disinformation as if it is gospel. In the past certain conspiracy theorists have struggled to get their weird views to the world, having to resort to being interrogated on mainstream TV or having to write books about their views. 

One of the best examples of this is David Icke, who I have mentioned on this blog before. Back in the 1980s he was a footballer and became a sports presenter on TV. But something happened and in 1991 he appeared on a chat show and claimed that he was the “Son of the Godhead” and wore turquoise to “channel positive” energy. 

He was ridiculed for it. 

Yet now, over 30 years after that ill-fated interview, he is a full blown conspiracy theorist and talks to thousands of people who are willing to believe him about things like interdimensional reptilian beings who can shape-shift and have been manipulating humanity through fear so that they can feed off our negative energy. He thinks that The Matrix is based on fact.

He has written loads of books on this and many other weird fantasies that he claims to be true. And his army of followers is growing. If you are so inclined you can check some of his nonsense on You Tube. I’ve watched a couple of interviews with him and they are hilarious. 

The reason for actually writing this post was because of recent events in the UK that involve Elon Musk using his Twitter account (I refuse to call it X) to launch attacks on the UK government based on lies. And of course liar number one is becoming President today. 

I wonder where this is all going to lead us in the future? 

Imagine if I suddenly became an “influencer” on social media and started my own conspiracy theories. Do you think that people would believe me? Do you think I could get away with telling blatant lies and peddling them as if they were the absolute truth? 

I couldn’t do it – I am genuine about this. There is a filter in my head that would prevent me from inventing a story, say, about the royal family being descended directly from dinosaurs, no matter how much I would love it to be true. 

In fact, I couldn’t do it because somebody has already beaten me to it. Apparently, according to Mr Icke, the royal family, including King Charley boy, are all shape-shifting lizards. In fact it’s not just them – it’s most famous people. In fact, according to this video – you and I might be reptilian-human hybrids:

Who would have thought it? 

Goodbye 2018

So 2019 is almost upon us but 2018, so far, has been a fairly good year – much better than the previous two years that’s for sure. I’ve neglected the blog a bit this year, which is a shame really. To be honest I’m still in two minds as to whether I should actually continue with it.  For now I will but I may decide to end it next year. Let’s see how it goes.

For now, I shall post my traditional summary of the year with a series of questions that I dust off annually around this time of year.

1.What did you do in 2018 that you’d never done before?

I didn’t really do anything new this year but I did discover something that has proved to be quite useful. While on holiday, I read something about forming habits that intrigued me. The idea is that if you force yourself to do something every day, it will naturally become a habit after 66 days. I was very interested in this so I downloaded an application to my phone that helps you to record your chosen habit and reminds you if you forget. The application is called HabitBull and so far I have used it to force myself to learn Spanish words every day and also do something called Freewriting, which is basically where you sit in front of a blank sheet of paper and write whatever comes into your head, ignoring grammar, spelling and, most importantly of all, self-criticism.

With the help of HabitBull I have achieved 111 days of consecutive Spanish study (only a few minutes a day) and 54 consecutive days of Freewriting.

Not bad eh? I plan to add new habits in 2019.

2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I started off trying to be more positive and it worked for the first part of the year. I also gave myself some monthly goals which also worked until around June. I shall try a few resolutions this year but I don’t know what they will be yet.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Two very good friends of mine became grandparents this year – I guess that counts.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

An old workmate of mine died earlier this year. He was only 61.

5. What countries did you visit?

This year was great for travel. In April we visited some friends in Abu Dhabi. We also had a long weekend in Porto, Portugal and Brindisi in Italy.

I revisited Croatia for the first time in almost thirty years with a week in Porec and we had a late summer week in Marbella.

Sunset in Marbella

6. What would you like to have in 2019 that you lacked in 2018?

I would like common sense to prevail and for the UK to finally scrap Brexit. I am currently embarrassed for my country and the fucking mess that we are in thanks to stupid politicians who are thinking of their own self-interest rather than the country.

I feel like we are turkeys that have voted in favour of Christmas.

We are fucking idiots!

7. What dates from 2018 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

No specific dates but I will remember the period between May and September where we had the hottest summer on record. It was hotter in the UK during those months than in some places in Europe.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

I stupidly agreed to climb the Old Man of Coniston, a small mountain in the Lake District. It was a test of how fit I am and, while I managed it, I was bloody knackered at the end of it. While that sounds like a hard thing to do, it wasn’t really because there are paths up the mountain – but it was steep and once we reached the top, we walked down and around it. In total it was a nine mile walk. The pint of ale at the end of the walk when we returned to Coniston was the best pint I had all year.

As an aside, this blog reached it’s 10 year anniversary.

View from the Old Man of Coniston

9. What was your biggest failure?

Probably to lose weight. Don’t get me wrong – I’m not fat but I did have a vague plan to lose about 6 pounds. Instead I am the same weight as this time last year. I’ll probably try again in 2019.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Only aching limbs after climbing a mountain.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

I bought a Kindle Paperwhite because my old Kindle suddenly died. I can read the new Kindle in the dark – which is a great thing.

Sadly, however, a month after the Kindle Paperwhite arrived, I found the old dead Kindle and impulsively tried it – and the bloody thing started working.

So now I have two Kindles! I guess I can use the old one as a spare.

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?

My PM award this year goes to the England football team who, against all odds, managed to reach the World Cup semi-finals, winning a penalty shootout on the way. I have never hugged so many strangers in the space of a month in my life.

Oh My GOD! We won a penalty shootout!!

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?

Donald J Trump is still President and still being an utter dickhead!

Theresa May and her government are still fucking up everything and thanks to them we are the laughing stock of the world.

14. Where did most of your money go?

Holidays and redecoration of the lounge. But the good news is that we have paid of the mortgage!

Hurray!

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

England’s World Cup campaign is a tough one to beat but I was quite excited about going to Croatia. 

Also, I saw Polish progressive rock band Riverside for the first time (see next question).

16. What song will always remind you of 2018?

Lament by the wonderful Riverside.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: (a) happier or sadder? (b) thinner or fatter? (c) richer or poorer?

I am much happier, almost the same weight  and possibly a little richer.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

I’ve neglected this blog and writing in general. Thankfully, Freewriting may help and my decision on whether to continue the blog partly depends on this.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Eating.

20. How will you spend New Year's Eve?

We’re going to Chester this year to have a meal and dance with some friends.

21. Did you fall in love in 2018?

No need. Mrs PM is still here with me.

22. What was your favourite TV program?

I like the Netflix superhero series and the new Doctor Who with Jodie Whitaker.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

No. I still hate Trump, Morgan, Farage et al.

24. What was the best book you read?

I thoroughly enjoyed the Pandemic  and Genome by AG Riddle.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?

I discovered a new Progressive Rock supergroup called Sons of Apollo. Not a bad band at all.

26. What did you want and get?

A fantastic summer.

27. What did you want and not get?

And end to Brexit.

28. What was your favourite film of this year?

I loved Avengers: Infinity War and I also thoroughly enjoyed Mission Impossible: Fallout.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I was on holiday in Marbella and Mrs PM took me out for a lovely meal. I am 56 years old.

30. What one thing made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Nothing this year really.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2018?

My aim as usual is to try not to look like a total dickhead when I go out. Mrs PM helps me achieve that because I couldn’t do it on my own.

32. What kept you sane?

My beautiful Mrs PM as usual.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

I saw Nightwish in December so I shall nominate their lead singer, Floor Jansen.

34. What political issue stirred you the most?

Fucking Brexit!

35. Who did you miss?

The people I usually miss. Nobody new.

36. Who was the best new person you met?

I’ve met quite a few new people this year – all of them great.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2018.

Never trust a broken Kindle.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

You've got the future on your side

You gonna be fine now

I know whatever you decide

You're gonna shine

Don't let the day go by

Don't let it end

Don't let a day go by, in doubt

You're ready to begin

And finally...

I’m looking forward to 2019 – another year older but another year closer to retirement.

And who knows? Maybe The Plastic Mancunian blog may be here this time next year.

Aliens Are Coming

I’ve discussed a few realistic ways in which the world could end so I think now it is time to get a little silly and talk about some of the more crazy things that people believe about the end of humanity.

Let’s start with something that is close to my heart: alien invasion.

I love science fiction, particularly involving aliens (the stranger the better) and avidly watch TV programmes and movies featuring weird and wonderful creatures from another planet blowing Earth to smithereens with maximum prejudice.

My favourite book is “The War of the Worlds” by H.G.Wells, just to reiterate this.

What a total geek I am.

I don’t care.

The big question for people like me is: do such aliens actually exist?

In my opinion there are some people living on this planet that may actually be alien – they certainly resemble stereotypical extra-terrestrials. I don’t want to fuel any conspiracy theories but there are some odd people walking about. Could these people be the initial wave of invaders, sent here to prepare the way for the army of monsters to follow? Could they be sent to initiate control so that when the invaders arrive we are subjugated with minimum resistance?

It’s possible when you think about it. Shape-shifting aliens could already be here conquering us passively by making themselves celebrities and gathering vast armies of fans  having already hypnotised the most gullible amongst us so that only those immune to their charms will have to be conquered.

How else do you explain Oprah Winfrey and Lady Ga-Ga?

Such aliens would also want to know everything about us. Consider how people love to post every intimate detail about themselves on social media with no worries at all about the consequences of their actions. Imagine an alien (or aliens) possessing all of this information about us?

Step forward Mark Zuckerberg with Facebook.

Seriously, though, there are lots of famous people who believe in the existence of extra-terrestrials. The late great Professor Stephen Hawking, one of the most intelligent people ever to have lived often spoke about what would happen if human beings were to encounter aliens. He wasn’t very positive about the possibility. He said two things that interest me:

“Such advanced aliens would perhaps become nomads, looking to conquer and colonize whatever planets they could reach. Who knows what the limits would be?” 

“Meeting an advanced civilization could be like Native Americans encountering Columbus. That didn’t turn out so well.”

That’s kind of scary, isn’t it?

If you think about it, there are countless trillions upon countless trillions of planets out there in our universe. How arrogant are non-believers in thinking that we are the only intelligent life form in the entire universe?

Yet at the same time there is the Fermi Paradox. Enrico Fermi, a famous physicist, stated that given the age and size of the universe and the trillions of planets out there, then it stands to reason that some form of intelligent life must have managed by now to use technology to create spaceships that can traverse vast distances and visit, and possibly conquer, most if not all of the known universe.

So where is everybody? Where are these aliens? Hence the paradox.

Of course, Fermi’s question might be answered by alien believers who, joking aside, are convinced that aliens really have landed on Earth and are walking amongst us. If you look on YouTube you will find thousands of videos ranging from aliens caught on camera to UFO’s whizzing about in our skies. Also, there are others who think that we have already been invaded and that the so-called ruling elite are in fact alien shape-shifters controlling us all.

I knew it! Donald Trump is an alien! That explains a lot.

Realistically though, if there are belligerent aliens out there, then surely it would have been easier to invade centuries ago before we developed the technology to fight back. An alien invasion fleet would have encountered little resistance from Neanderthals, ancient Greeks, Romans, medieval peasants and even early twentieth century people.

The “War of the Worlds” story illustrates just that – the army of Martians in H.G.Wells’ book wiped out a large percentage of nineteenth century England with little or no effort.

There is additional speculation that humanity is in fact an alien race and that we ourselves were planted here to populate the planet after the dinosaurs were wiped out. When you think about it, it is possible that we were deposited here as a primitive colony all those centuries ago.

I like the idea that perhaps you and I, are aliens who successfully conquered Earth.

It explains a lot.

Nuclear Holocaust

Whenever I see Donald Trump, two thoughts come to mind. The first I have ranted about on this blog so many times that I am not going to elaborate – basically the man is not fit for the office of President of the United States.

The second is a corollary of that sentiment – this man has the power to launch nuclear weapons at anybody who pisses him off.

While this seems unlikely, I think his words might just spark other lunatics to do just that – Kim Jong Un for example, a man who lives in fear of being toppled either by his own people or external forces. The recent war of words with the USA made me consider what would happen if Kim Jong Un were to launch an attack. Trump said he would be met with fire and fury like the world had never seen before.

Happy days, eh?

Equally, we have Vladimir Putin, a so-called democratically elected leader of a huge country with a nuclear arsenal that could annihilate most of Europe and the USA. Recent events in my own country, the poisoning of one of his own former spies on British soil, lead to retaliatory measures from our own government which were made with the barely veiled warning – “Do not threaten a nuclear power”.

The UK is also a nuclear power, with a smaller nuclear arsenal so we could retaliate and trigger World War 3.

With all of these threats looming, and other slightly mad and dictatorial leaders trying to acquire nuclear weapons, the future isn’t looking too good.

Some people say that owning nuclear weapons makes it unlikely that a nuclear holocaust will ever happen for fear of the devastating reprisals. But I say that it only takes one nutter to do something stupid and there are a few of them knocking around.

If World War 3 were to kick off, the initial attack would result in the annihilation of many major cities, wiping out the residents of those cities immediately.

The population of the world would be severely reduced and if you think the survivors would be lucky to escape then think again. Any towns and cities in the vicinity of the numerous detonations would not escape unscathed, simply because the aftermath of being close to a nuclear explosion would almost certainly eventually prove to be fatal. The survivors would almost certainly envy those killed immediately.

Residual radioactive material would be thrust into the upper atmosphere with winds spreading this over a great distance as it gradually fell back to Earth upon unsuspecting people who think they are safe.

Some people would die quickly while others would live longer but eventually succumb to the devastating effects.

Any people still surviving the nuclear fallout will still have problems. When a bomb explodes in the city it will hurl tons of debris into the atmosphere, so much in fact that it will block sunlight. Imagine this happening for numerous cities bombed across the globe; the amount of crap blasted into the atmosphere will be immense and the winds will also scatter this over great distances causing what is known as a nuclear winter. The global climate would be severely affected for at least a decade with soot being distributed over great distances by our wonderful winds.

For those who survived that there is also the prospect of a nuclear famine. A nuclear winter would affect agriculture for any survivors ultimately causing massive food shortages amongst the few people remaining.

The bottom line is that if there were a full scale nuclear war then we as a species and our animal colleagues will almost certainly face the prospect of total extinction. Of course it depends on how many weapons are used and the number of places that are annihilated.

If Putin or Trump or any potential psychopath thinks that unleashing a nuclear holocaust to save his own country then he is severely mistaken.

If you are interested, and have a morbid curiosity, you can simulate the effects of a nuclear detonation on your city using something called NUKEMAP (you can find it here). This gruesome web site allows you to specify a city and the size of the bomb and find out the extent of the fireball radius, the air blast radius and the thermal radiation radius.

Living only 5 miles from the centre of Manchester, I would be killed almost immediately if any bombs were to drop – a blessing in disguise I guess because I wouldn’t know what hit me.

Equally disturbing is MISSLEMAP which allows you to check the range and accuracy of the weapons of mass destruction in the world (you can find it here).

Again the UK is fully in range of anything launched from Russian soil so again I am right in the firing line.


Basically, my opinion is that if one or more nutters start a nuclear war then we are fucked even if we are lucky enough to be on a remote island at the time.

The Malignant Narcissist

"Look how GREAT I am!"

It’s that time of the year when I take a close look at the world of celebrity. As a rule, I hate the Cult of Celebrity but I am deeply fascinated by it – mainly because I don’t understand it. However, roughly this time every year, I watch a TV programme that lists the most shocking celebrity moments from the previous year.

I do this for two reasons.

First of all, I love it when certain arseholes make complete fools of themselves in public and show their true colours to the world. I realise this is a bad thing, and I sometimes wish that I were more understanding but ultimately the truth is that most of these villains in the world of celebrity are so self-obsessed that they actually deserve the wrath of their fans for their terrible behaviour.

Second, there are certain celebrities who actually have no talent whatsoever yet are totally obsessed with appearing on every form of media available, from your television set to the tabloid press via social media. I don’t know who half of these people are and frankly I don’t care. However, I like to know who people are talking about when they mention these people – just so that I don’t look like an archaic old git when people ask me about them.

To me, a true celebrity is somebody who is very talented at what they do and humble enough to accept fame and its consequences while at the same time recognising the people who put them on the pedestal in the first place – their fans.

The rest are basically malignant narcissists, i.e. self-obsessed fools who care nothing for their fans and are only interested in one thing – themselves.

The other day, on my daily walk, a song popped up on my iPod that summed up malignant narcissism perfectly. It was Earth Song by Michael Jackson. The truth is that I actually like the song because it is a well written pop tune with a useful message.

However, if you have seen the video then you begin to see where Michael Jackson’s self-obsession is totally evident. He portrays himself as a lone figure walking sadly in a scorched world. It’s difficult to tell whether the emotion in his voice is because of the damage done to Earth or whether he is so sad because he no longer has any fans to love him. As the video progresses you see forests being destroyed, factories spewing out pollution, elephants being killed for ivory, towns and villages being destroyed in war and people crying and falling to their knees in despair.

“Good old Michael,” you say. “The message is strong – he cares for our planet.”

And then the video becomes something else.  As Michael gets upset and starts pouring his heart out, suddenly the world fights back. As he screams and sings in anger in a raging wind, all of the terrible things we have done are reversed; fallen trees suddenly rise up again, soldiers retreat as villages are restored, people shot in war come back to life, factories suck in the polluting smoke, stolen ivory from dead elephants grows back and the elephants are resurrected.

And Michael the Messiah whoops in joy as if he is somehow responsible for this reversal of fortune.

Here is the video if you haven’t seen it.

You may think I’m being harsh on Michael Jackson but my viewpoint was confirmed when he performed the song at the Brit awards in 1996, surrounding himself by adoring children, holding his hand like some kind of saviour as the stage was filled with worshippers, before shedding his black tatty clothes to reveal a sparkling white suit with his arms outstretched and being revered as if he were the reincarnation of Jesus himself.

The incident was famous because Jarvis Cocker the lead singer of Pulp who, alongside a few others, found Jackson’s act distasteful, and decided to invade the stage and show his feelings innocently enough, by bending over and flapping his backside as if he had just farted.

Jackson was hurt because somebody had mocked his brilliance and a lot of people in the UK loved Jarvis Cocker for what he did. Jackson’s reaction was one of pain and he poured his heart out about how humiliated, hurt and upset he was that somebody had dared to intervene in his wonderful performance.

Ultimately Michael Jackson was just one example of malignant narcissism and when you see the antics of some of the other celebrities you can see many more.

So what is a malignant narcissist? Basically it is somebody who is so self-obsessed that they consider themselves to be the centre of the known universe and if anybody disagrees then they will willingly lash out and attempt to destroy them with absolutely no remorse. Even jokes at the expense of a malignant narcissist are taboo.

Prime examples are Mariah Carey, Madonna, Kanye West, Kim Kardashian and Justin Bieber. There are many more.

 Kanye West for example, thinks nothing of taking attention from a winner at an award ceremony because he disagreed with the result.

Of course the biggest and best example of malignant narcissism in the world at the moment is Donald Trump, a man who is so self-obsessed that he actually lives in a fantasy land about how great he is. Reports suggest that he will dismiss anything that comes across his desk unless it mentions him by name or shows him in a great light. He has invented lies to make everyone believe that “the Donald” is the greatest human being that exists at the moment. 

He dismisses anything that criticises him as fake news, even when his lies are exposed. He attempts to ruin anybody who speaks out against him and constantly lies to make himself appear to be the greatest living human being.

You just have to read his tweets and listen to his spoken words.

Trump will support people until they speak out against him, when he will either sack them or say extremely nasty things to twist the truth of the matter.

Here are some examples:

“Actually, throughout my life, my two greatest assets have been mental stability and being, like, really smart. I would qualify as not smart, but genius ... and a very stable genius at that!”

“Nobody’s ever been more successful than me.”

“No one reads the Bible more than me.”

“Nobody knows banking better than I do.”

There is so much evidence to prove his words wrong but he simply dismisses it as fake. Anybody who dares to show him in a bad light is savaged. He builds himself up and tears down those who oppose him:

“Meryl Streep [is] one of the most over-rated actresses in Hollywood." - The fact that Meryl Streep is probably the most successful actress of our generation seems to have escaped him. How many Oscar nominations, Oscars, Golden Globes etc. has she won Donald?

“[He’s a] totally overrated clown who speaks without knowing facts.” - Note - Trump wasn't talking about himself.

“If Hillary Clinton can’t satisfy her husband what makes her think she can satisfy America?”

“Ariana Huffington is unattractive, both inside and out. I fully understand why her former husband left her for a man – he made a good decision.”

“If I were running ‘The View’, I’d fire Rosie O’Donnell. I mean, I’d look at her right in that fat, ugly face of hers, I’d say ‘Rosie, you’re fired.’”

I apologise again for mentioning Donald Trump but in this case, it illustrates the points I am making about malignant narcissism.

Thankfully, the majority of people recognise such people and speak out against them.  As long as there are celebrities, there will be malignant narcissists.

I am so glad that I haven’t met one personally yet.

Goodbye 2017

I wasn’t going to bother with my traditional summary of the year this year because, frankly, 2017 has been a stinker of a year, much worse than the previous year, which was bad enough.

However, despite the pain, there have been some highlights and it would be unfair to confine these to the skip. So shall we explore the mound of crap that was 2017?

Let’s do it!

1.What did you do in 2017 that you’d never done before?

I reached the age where I can get my hands on my pension pot, should I be stupid enough to do so. I’m not ready to do that just yet.

2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I started off with a quest to be more positive and to be fair, it worked until March. I also enhanced my French a little and revisited German, a language that is fascinating but very difficult to learn.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Not this year,

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Yes – but I’m not ready to talk about that yet.

5. What countries did you visit?

This year we had a massive family holiday to Corfu and also visited Majorca for a well needed week break in September. A bunch of us also revisited Amsterdam to celebrate a friend’s 60th birthday.

A flight arriving at sunset in Can Pastilla Majorca

6. What would you like to have in 2018 that you lacked in 2017?

No pain!

7. What dates from 2017 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

Thinking positively, the week’s holiday in June – before the year turned to shit.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Nothing leaps to mind.

9. What was your biggest failure?

To remain positive all year. Fate is like that sometimes.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

No, thankfully.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

That has to be my new Samsung Galaxy 8 phone, by a country mile. My poor old decrepit S4 mini survived for as long as it could before the weight of my expectation pushed it beyond its limits. My new phone is absolutely amazing.

What a beauty!

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?

Nobody famous has done anything to deserve a PM award this year. However, I would like to single out Mrs PM who has been my rock during a time of hardship.

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?

Donald J Trump – the biggest dickhead ever to be elected into the White House. I could spend a year ranting about this waste of humanity every day for the next five years.

Also, Harvey Weinstein and all similar horrific sexual predators deserve to be inaugurated into the hall of absolute shame.

Theresa May (and her government), Nigel Farage and Piers Morgan also deserve the title “Dick of the Year” too.

14. Where did most of your money go?

Same as usual – my house and holidays.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Nothing really. As far as excitement goes, this was a rather mundane year.

16. What song will always remind you of 2017?

I will sum up the music I discovered in a subsequent post but this song deserves a special mention:

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: (a) happier or sadder? (b) thinner or fatter? (c) richer or poorer?

I am sadder (but improving), definitely fatter (but determined to go on a diet in January) and possibly a little richer.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

After a great start to the year in terms of blogging, I have definitely neglected it in recent months. I was thinking about giving up the blog altogether but I think I have decided to carry on for a while.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Again, I’ve had another angry year where the antics of politicians have made me fume. I wish I had stepped back from the precipice and ignored them more.

20. How will you spend New Year's Eve?

I’m not sure yet, but suffice it say, that Mrs PM and I will be somewhere that serves alcohol and has a dance floor playing cheesy music.

21. Did you fall in love in 2017?

No need. Mrs PM is still here with me.

22. What was your favourite TV program?

I have to say that the best new program I saw was Daredevil. Sorry – it is yet another Super hero series.

I also enjoyed Peter Capaldi’s last season as Dr Who.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

Well we all know who I disliked last year and I still dislike them now. Add Kim Jong Un to that list.

24. What was the best book you read?

I thoroughly enjoyed the Atlantis trilogy by AG Riddle.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?

A lot of established bands have been brilliant this year but I particularly enjoyed a relatively new Progressive rock band called the Mute Gods. More details in a later post.

26. What did you want and get?

My new phone.

27. What did you want and not get?

Common sense to prevail and for the government to admit that Brexit is such a huge mistake.

28. What was your favourite film of this year?

Two superhero movies (sorry):

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

Mrs PM took me for a weekend away in Warwick. Photos of this wonderful little city and its amazing castle will follow in a future post. I was (and am) 55 years old.

30. What one thing made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Bugger all.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2017?

Fashion? You’re funny. I’m 55 – what do I care about fashion (other than to mock the absurdity of it).

32. What kept you sane?

That honour goes to Mrs PM.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Having watched Wonder Woman, I have to say Gal Gadot is worthy of admiration.

34. What political issue stirred you the most?

The inexorable slide towards economic disaster that is Brexit and the constant barrage of insanity that is happening in the USA under Donald Trump.

35. Who did you miss?

I’m not ready to talk about that yet.

36. Who was the best new person you met?

I met a few good people this year, so there were a few shining lights in the hellscape that was 2017.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2017.

I’m stronger than I thought I was.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

It didn't turn out the way you wanted it to 

It didn't turn out the way you wanted it to, did it? 

It didn't turn out the way you wanted it to 

It didn't turn out the way you wanted it to, did it?

And finally

Let’s hope 2018 is a better year. I know I said that this time last year, but I’m trying to be positive. I’ll start off by saying that I am planning to revamp The Plastic Mancunian blog sometime next year. 2018 sees the 10th anniversary of the nonsense I have been writing and the next month or two will hopefully see something different.

Of course, procrastination may kick in – but I hope not.

See you soon for a summary of the great music that crossed my path in 2017.

Liar!

Right – I’ve just written a post about Donald Trump but a recent tweet by the orange lunatic has prompted me to write yet another one. I don’t want to dedicate more posts to him but I feel I have to in this case.

I just want to tell America that Donald Trump is a liar and you should not believe a single word that comes out of his mouth or any word he throws into cyberspace via Twitter.

Here is the tweet that has forced me to rant about Trump AGAIN:

Not content with telling lies about his own country, he is now telling blatant lies about mine!

How fucking dare you! 

Let’s analyse this tweet.

Yes, crime as risen by 13% in the UK, something I am sure our government aren’t proud of. I would like to write a separate post about the reasons for that – cuts to the police force by our own incompetent ruling party if you’re interested - but I won’t because of the words of the moron in the White House.

The police have indicated that they recorded 5.2 million offences last year the bulk of which were NOT associated with terrorism. Can you read that Mr Trump? I will write it again.

"THE BULK OF WHICH WERE NOT ASSOCIATED WITH TERRORISM!"

Can you understand that, Mr Trump?

Most of the crimes committed were the usual things; public order offences, robbery, possession of weapons, stalking and harassment.

And here’s another statistic for you. There were 664 murders in England and Wales and only 35 of those were caused by the terror attacks in London and Manchester.

Donald Trump is a liar.

How dare he abuse a headline like this to fuel the fear of extreme radical Islamic terror.

And I had to laugh at the end of this tweet:  “We must keep America safe”.

Can I tell you how to keep America safe, you orange buffoon?

Get rid of your bloody guns!

Here are some facts that perhaps Donald Trump should worry himself about.

America is not safe and it is not due to radical Islamic terrorism.

One white non-Islamic man opened fire on a concert on October 1st of this year and killed 58 people, injuring 546. 

One man!

And that’s not the whole story. The statistics about gun crime in America make very uncomfortable reading. For example from 1st January 2015 to 2nd December 2015, there were 355 mass shootings in America. That’s 335 mass shootings in 336 days – more than one a day.

And this statistic applies every year. If you don’t believe me, take a look for yourself.

What Trump needs to do is focus on his own country’s problems by facing up to the NRA and actually doing something, instead of abusing statistics about other countries in an attempt to brainwash gullible supporters into turning against Islam with pure lies.

I’m sure many Americans stumble on this blog and I welcome them with open arms. I love America and every time I have been there I have had a great time. 

Nevertheless, I despise your current President and I suspect (hope) most of you are the same. For those who don't hate him, I implore you to ignore the blatant lies he tells in public with no shame, particularly those about other countries.

Please check the facts and don’t take the random ravings of this lunatic as gospel. 

Donald Trump is lying just to brainwash Americans into following his own deranged agenda.

The only fake news we see at the moment comes from Donald Trump’s twitter account. Every single time he opens his big mouth in public his words are lies and bullshit.

Please ignore him and do your own research. 

You know it makes sense.

In return I shall try not to post any more about Trump. 

I feel sick about this already.

Trumpa Loompa

Donald Trump!

What a man!

What a legend!

I am astonished by what he has achieved in recent years and find myself gaping in wonder at his triumphs.

Donald Trump is President of the United States of America, elected by promising to make America great again. Having been a frequent visitor to the US I wonder how this is possible but clearly he has seen something the rest of the world hasn’t. I realise that there are people out there who doubt this and my own personal theory is that he is doing his best to bring America to its knees in his first term in order to make the country rise up like a phoenix when the next President has to pick up the pieces. Clearly he thinks it will take a few terms to achieve his goals of rebuilding this self-proclaimed greatest country in the world.

And he has God on his side. At the inauguration ceremony, where it was clearly raining, Donald told the world that God made the sun shine. The rest of us saw pissing rain – but Donald saw God. The rest of us saw a below average crowd of witnesses to this event whereas Donald saw billions of people – the greatest number of people in history to witness the inauguration of a President.

Donald also has the ability to run the government on social media. Twitter has become the means of making the country amazing again with policy statement after policy statement crammed into 140 letters. He even invents new words like ”covfefe” – a true genius at work.

Talking of genius, nobody has taken Donald up on his challenge to have an IQ test. They are running scared because Donald has a higher IQ than anybody in the world. He doesn’t have to prove himself. He’s the President for heaven’s sake.

I am also envious of his hair. Yes – you read that correctly. My hair is a sentient beast and leaps at every opportunity to humiliate me.  Donald has the BALLS to face his own sentient beast and march out to face his loyal people with his head held high even when his own hair has appalling ideas of its own.

Moreover, while we’re on the subject of physical appearance, Donald is a trendsetter. His skin colour is amazing and redefines the word “orange”. We all know that “orange is the new black”, a phrase I am certain that Donald invented via Twitter sometime in the past. Either he wants to be an influential leader or he is simply an orange alien with crazy hair. You decide.

Donald also trying to redefine “misogyny” because (he says) he respects all women. All the talk about grabbing women in  intimate places has to be fake news – surely. Surely his quip about dating his own daughter was a joke, When he said way back in 1992 that “you have to treat ‘em like shit!” that had to be fake news too, didn’t it?

Okay – who am I kidding here? All the buffoonery above is total bollocks!

The man is a bloody arse. Everybody knows it but nobody will admit it.

Surely America has sussed this guy out.

Surely?

There are numerous examples of him talking utter bollocks, boasting, lying, contradicting himself, being nasty to anyone who criticises him, hiring incompetents and firing people who challenge him.

There must be millions of Americans who voted for him saying “What on earth possessed me?”

Make America great again? Really?

Donald Trump has made America a laughing stock. But it isn’t funny any more. All he does in the White House is massage his own ego, something he cares about much more than his country.

Worse, his bullshit is taking a sinister turn. Here are some disturbing quotes:

“Rocket man is on a suicide mission for him and his regime.”

“Kim Jong Un of North Korea, who is obviously a madman who doesn't mind starving or killing his people, will be tested like never before!”

"North Korea best not make any more threats to the United States. They will be met with fire and fury like the world has never seen ... he has been very threatening beyond a normal state. They will be met with fire, fury and frankly power the likes of which this world has never seen before.”

And what about this scary exchange when Trump recently posed with a room full of military leaders:

Trump: Maybe it’s the calm before the storm. Could be, the calm. The calm before the storm.

Press: What do you mean, Mr President?

Trump: We have the world's great military people in this room, I will tell you that. And uh, we're gonna have a great evening.

Press: But what do you mean by “calm before the storm”, Mr President?

Trump: You’ll find out.

What the bloody hell is THAT supposed to mean?

Is he going to authorise a major military offensive?

Is he making threats to a deranged power-hungry lunatic in North Korea who just happens to be testing missiles that may soon reach the United States armed with a nuke?

Will this be the start of World War 3?

Oh my God!

I tell you what: there has never been a President like Donald Trump – and I hope to God that there will never be another one.

Here are some thoughts from British comedians:

I hope that's cheered you up a bit.

Hello Again!

Hello again, Internet.

It’s been a while – over two months to be exact – but I do have my reasons. There has been a lot going on and I may reveal some details in due course. But then again I may not.

Anyway, enough about that.

How have you been?

By the way, when I say “it’s been a while” I really mean that it has been a while since I have bored you with drivel from my ample yet flawed imagination.

Of course I have been lurking, reading about how Donald Trump and Kim Jong Un are trying to start World War 3; reading about yet another psychopath with a gun in America;  reading how Donald Trump is slowly bringing America to its knees while still pretending that he wants to make America great again; reading how the United Kingdom is heading towards oblivion with Brexit, like a ship heading towards a huge waterfall while pretending that the waterfall doesn’t exist, with politicians trying to convince the population that the ship will fly into cloud cuckoo land instead.

It’s all very depressing and doesn’t help my mood.

Yet, after all of this, I am trying to be positive again and despite fate, life and circumstance I think I am back on that road, looking forward to 2018.

Yes – that’s right. I have cast 2017 into the dumpster alongside 2016 – and you may note that it is only October.

Still – it is my birthday in just under a week so I’m looking forward to being at the age where I can get my hands on my pension, should I have the desire to jeopardize my retirement. Don’t worry, I’m not stupid enough to blow it all on a Ferrari or a round the world trip (as tempting as that is).

Normal blogging buffoonery will resume next week (I’m sure you can’t wait).

See you then.

P.S. I’ll leave you on a positive note with a nice little tune that I like from Steven Wilson’s new album.



See you soon.

Guide To Life - Politics

I promised myself I wouldn’t talk about politics on this blog again. I am going to break that promise. However, unlike before, I am not going to rant about it. I kind of want people to understand why I say things I say and why I am a walking paradox, i.e. a man who despises politics and politicians yet feels the need to rant about it at almost every opportunity.

Actually, the truth is that I wanted to start a series of posts with the working title “Guide to Life” – my guide to life really – and I want to get politics out of the way first.

One of the things I have learned in 2017 is to adopt a more positive outlook on life and, fingers crossed, so far it has worked. Sadly, 2017 is proving to be as bad as 2016 (both personally and politically) and I may elaborate on that in my end of year round up.

So let’s talk about politics.

Basically I am what is known in Britain as a “lefty”. Some people have called me a “loony lefty” but the truth is I’m not one of those. Americans would probably call me a bleeding heart liberal.

I thought I would just put this up front because it explains why I am not keen on the British Conservative Party or the American Republican Party – or indeed any other right wing party.

What I have learned this year more than any, is that I really need to listen to those who have opposing views. And I have started to do that. I have realised that by chatting to Conservative voters, I can actually see where they are coming from. Of course, this is not always the case because I have been accused within the last month of being a “total lunatic” – but that is a one off. What I have found is that if you meet somebody with opposing views who is as reasonable as I am trying to be, then you can have a decent chat without animosity about your political differences and, most importantly, learn from them. Also, you can hope that the same occurs in the opposite direction and that they learn from you too.

The guy who told me that I was a “total lunatic” disagreed with my philosophy of wanting to help other people. I explained to him that Conservatives, also universally known as the “Nasty Party” in the UK (not by me by the way), adopt measures that expand the gap between rich and poor and austerity measures have a devastating effect on those who need it most – the poor. Rich people are generally less affected. I would be quite happy to pay more tax to assist.

He admitted that he was “selfish” and didn’t care about the less needy in our society. I can’t change his personality and I didn’t try – I just disagreed with him. At the end, we shook hands and he said “Great discussion but I think you’re a total lunatic.”

I wanted to say “I’m just a nice guy!” but I stopped myself.

We recently had an election in the UK and it was a corker. Our Prime Minister, Conservative Party leader Theresa May, wanted to steamroller her Brexit policies through parliament without the opposition having a say. The problem is that her majority was not very big and she feared that she faced problems. If the right wing press are to be believed, the opposition leader, Jeremy Corbyn, is an incompetent and unpopular lunatic. Theresa May decided to have a snap election (having promised that she wouldn’t do that) because her approval rating was sky high compared to Jeremy Corbyn’s.

Theresa May pretending to be a normal person

Corbyn: "Give us a kiss, Theresa"

In her mind, she would not only win, her victory would be a landslide and she would get absolutely everything she wanted through parliament and Brexit, as well as other right wing policies, would fly through with a massive majority.

Her arrogance was breath-taking.

However, she didn’t reckon on Jeremy Corbyn being a far more charismatic and principled leader. She also didn’t realise that the Conservative manifesto would piss off just about everybody but the most die-hard lovers of the party. Worse, she led with the soundbite “strong and stable” and proved to be the complete opposite, refusing to debate on live TV and only talking to the party faithful instead of the average man in the street.

She didn’t lose the election. She won.

The problem is that her majority has been slashed and we have a “hung parliament” which means that no party has overall control.

She is in a worse position than she was before and any Brexit or other policies stand a great chance of being outvoted by the opposition parties. In American terms, she is a “lame duck” Prime Minister.

I love this, not just because I oppose Brexit vehemently. I love it because the gutter press have had a kick in the teeth for their attacks on Corbyn and he has proven to be far more popular than her as a leader.

What this means for Brexit, I don’t know – but it is better than before. It is a spectacular own goal.

I have stopped ranting about Donald Trump too. In fact, on the contrary, I am now fascinated by what’s going on over in the United States. While internal US politics usually has no interest, Trump’s term is proving to be mesmerising, not least because of his tweets, his arrogance, his self-contradiction, his outrageously unpopular policies and his idiocy (and while he may be intelligent in terms of business, his pedigree as a politician is proving to be the complete opposite).

"How am I getting away this this? I have no idea!"

I remember Nixon resigning but I was too young to fully understand why. With Trump, I feel like I am watching a Hollywood movie and I am already overstuffed on popcorn, waiting for the next instalment.

Basically, to conclude, I think we should all listen to each other’s views on politics and learn to understand them. I welcome anybody to comment and either agree that indeed I am a lunatic – as long as you tell me why. If you are British and a Brexit supported or are American and love Donald Trump then please also feel free to engage.

I won’t bite.

And, for now, I will stop referring to Donald Trump as an Oompa Loompa.