Bold as Brass

Welcome to a sunny afternoon in Manchester where the weather is now very pleasant. We have now hit our fourth heatwave of the summer and while things are not as bad as they are on the continent, there have been fires in the UK generally. Half of England and the whole of Wales have declared a drought but here in Manchester we have had a little welcome rain. However, there doesn’t seem to be any more on the horizon.

Let’s dive into a slightly longer set of questions from Sunday Stealing. 

Have you ever …

1. Slept under the stars

Yes, but only once. Back in 1984, I was interrailing in Europe with two university buddies and we found ourselves in a little town in Portugal called Vila Real de Santo Antonio and we were heading to Spain, which meant catching a ferry to Ayamonte just across the border in the south. Sadly, it was 2am and the first ferry wasn’t for another few hours. We found ourselves in a park and decided to try to get some sleep on a park bench. We did so but at about 7am I was woken up just as the sun was rising and I spent the next hour watching the sunrise. It was fine but I wouldn’t want to do something so careless again. 

2. Played in a band

Yes. I was in the school brass band between the ages of 11 and 15. I played the trombone and we gave a couple of concerts, the most beautiful being in Walsall Town Hall. 

3. Visited Hawaii 

No, I haven’t. Mrs PM has and we have talked about perhaps going there. It is far too far at the moment but if we decide to take a round the world trip when Mrs PM retires, we will definitely go there. 

4. Visited Easter Island 

No, sadly I haven’t. I have a friend who has though. 

5. Watched a meteor shower

No. I would love to see a meteor shower. 

6. Seen the changing of the guard at Buckingham Palace

Yes, when I was a kid. At the time I found it a little tedious but now I have grown up (have I?) it would be more interesting. 

7. Been to Disneyland or Disney World 

I’ve been to both. I’ve also been to Disneyland Paris. 

8. Climbed a mountain 

Yes and no. We cheated really. On a work trip we were taken to Mount Rigi near to Lucerne in Switzerland and there is a cogwheel railway that takes you up the mountain and provides some sumptuous views of Lake Lucerne as it climbs. We wandered around a little at the top but that was it. 

9. Held a praying mantis

No. I don’t really like insects. 

10. Been to the Louvre 

Bizarrely no I haven’t. I’ve been to Paris three times and the closest I’ve been is to the glass pyramid at the entrance. I will make an effort to go there if we ever get to Paris again. 

11. Had food poisoning

Oh yes, several times and usually abroad. The worst episode was in Moscow in the middle of winter and I was on my own working in a remote hotel. Thankfully it was just an overnight thing and I had recovered enough in the morning to actually get some sleep. When I called my Russian work colleague he was quite concerned but I reassured him later in the day after I had had some sleep that I was back to something like 90%. 

12. Eaten vegetables you grew yourself

Yes. My dad was a keen gardener and turned out back garden into a huge vegetable patch. He always used to rope me in to help him by digging and planting and I hated it. That said, we never ran short of vegetables but the consequence of that is that I now absolutely detest gardening. 

13. Slept overnight on a train 

Yes, several times. As a student, in 1983 and 1984 I went on two interrail trips to Europe, and because money was scarce, we used to catch overnight trains to save on hotel bills (because we had already paid for the train pass). Sometimes we were lucky and could sleep on the train but other times it was too busy and we drifted in and out of sleep while sitting in a crowded carriage. 

Later, Mrs PM did a trains, planes and automobiles trip around China (back in 1999) and we caught two overnight trains. The first one was “hard sleeper” where you got a bed of sorts but it was in a crowded carriage. I did sleep – but not very well. The second was much better. It was a “soft sleeper” and we got a comfortable bed on an overnight trip from Beijing to Shanghai. I slept really well. 

14. Built a snow fort

No, I can’t say that I have. 

15. Held a lamb

No. I’ve held a koala though. 

16. Gone skinny dipping

No. I don’t want to scare the fish. 

17. Been on a cruise (day cruises and dinner cruises count)

Yes, I have been on two cruises. The first was some years ago when we cruised to Alaska from Seattle, stopping off at a couple of places there and Victoria in Canada on the way back. 

The second cruise was last year, where we cruised around Greece, stopping off at a few places, including Athens (for my first time) and a day trip in Turkey. 

We are going on a river cruise in September to Hungary, Slovakia and Austria. 

18. Seen Niagara Falls 

Yes – twice. I was working in Atlanta, Georgia, when I was asked to fly up to Toronto to give a demonstration the following Monday (basically to save somebody else flying all the way across the pond for a one day demo). I arrived on Friday night and spent Saturday exploring Toronto before travelling to Niagara on Sunday. The second time was about a year later with a couple of work colleagues who hadn’t been there. 

19. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors

I think a lot of my ancestors are from Walsall so I would say yes. This has to be confirmed of course and I think in a year or two I might try to trace my family tree to find out whether we truly are all from the West Midlands. 

20. Sung karaoke

Yes – but only once. I was cajoled into it by a friend who happened, at the time, to be guitarist and singer in a pub band. He agreed to do it with me and we sang Smoke on the Water by Deep Purple with me singing the verse and him singing the chorus. He was brilliant; I was in tune but awful. I have no plans to do it again.

21. Sat for a portrait

I’ve only sat for a portrait photo. Does that count?

22. Walked on a beach by moonlight

Oh yes, several times and in several countries. It’s a very soothing and relaxing thing to do. 

23. Been transported in an ambulance

No, thank goodness. 

24. Gone scuba diving or snorkelling 

I’ve been snorkelling a couple of times in Barbados, the Bahamas and a couple of times in Europe. 

25. Kissed in the rain

Yes, a couple of times. I would rather go inside though. 

26. Played in the mud

Yes, as a kid. 

27. Gone to a drive-in theatre

We don’t have drive-in movie theatres in the UK (or Europe for that matter) but on my very first trip to America in 1989, it was on my list of things I wanted to do. It was somewhere in the vast metropolitan sprawl that is Los Angeles and the movie we saw was K-9 starring James Belushi. 

28. Changed your vehicle's oil yourself

No, I have a mechanic/car expert/enthusiast who does things like that for me. 

29. Taken a martial arts class 

No. I wish that I had though. I considered taking up karate at university.

30. Visited the Vatican

Yes, once. As a lapsed Catholic, I spent the entire time feeling very guilty. 

31. Volunteered at a soup kitchen or food pantry

No, sadly. It is something I would consider doing though. 

32. Sold Girl Scout cookies

No. 

33. Bought a used car

All of the cars I have bought are used cars. Brand new cars are far too expensive and lose their value as soon as you leave the showroom. 

34. Sat on a jury

Yes. I did jury service for the first time in 2023. It was interesting. 

35. Ridden an elephant

No and the only reason I haven’t is because I got food poisoning. We were in Chiang Mai in Thailand and had booked a day trip which included a ride on an elephant. Sadly, the night before, I was eating my meal and suddenly started feeling a bit weird. When I got back to the hotel I had a sleepless night (I won’t go into the details) but the following morning I had to be within a foot of a toilet so I missed the trip. Mrs PM went, of course, and by lunchtime I had recovered. 

That’s a nice way to end a post – I apologise for that. 

Alphabetti Spaghetti

 

Welcome to a very sunny and very pleasant South Manchester. The weather has been very hot lately but now the temperature has dropped to an agreeable 25°C (77°F). The air is clear too which is a vast improvement on a couple of days ago. As you head north and west from Manchester, you reach the Pennines, a chain of hills that forms a natural split between Lancashire and Yorkshire and is known as “the backbone of Britain”. Here there is a lot of moorland and last week some idiots started a fire there which nature decided to spread the smoke across the city. At one point, Manchester looked like it was infested with a smog monster and we could all smell smoke. The air quality was extremely poor and although it was hot we were all advised to keep our windows closed. 

Manchester covered in smog

Thankfully things are better now and the fire fighters are hopefully winning in their battle with wildfires around the country generally. 

It’s rare not to have rain in the UK, in Manchester in particular, but we haven’t had any here in the city for 11 days with no rain forecast for the rest of the month at least. While that’s great for cricket, it’s not so good for the local flora.

Anyway, let’s divert from the British trait of talking about the weather and dive into a set of questions driven by the alphabet, as usual they are from Sunday Stealing. 

A is for Age.

My age is 63 years 9 months and 10 days (to the end of today). It’s questions like this that make me realise just how old I am. 

B is for your Booze of choice.

This time of year my beer of choice is usually lager, usually the continental ones. For example, Cruzcampo and Madri, from Spain, Moretti from Italy and Budvar from Czechia. That said, I do sometimes have ales and bitters but I tend to drink those in the colder months. I’m also partial to the odd glass of red or white wine. I don’t drink anything stronger than that. 

C is for Career.

I used to be a software engineer but that role has included more political roles such as Team Leader, Database Chapter Lead (I still don’t know what that meant in reality – it was some bullshit that was encouraged from the Agile methodology) and I’ve dabbled very briefly in Project Management. I’ve also been an Installation Engineer, a Support Engineer and many other rubbish meaningless titles. I was once asked if I was a “Database Ninja” and my response didn’t go down to well with the person who asked it. 

Of course, all of that is behind me because I am retired.

D is for your Dog's name.

I don’t have a dog, unfortunately and I haven’t had a dog since I was a kid. The last dog I had was called Paddy. 

I will give you my cats’ names though: Ziggy and Star(dust).

E is for Everyday Essentials.

Food is essential because it helps to keep me healthy and prolongs my life. Associated with that, drink is pretty important too, such as decaf tea, water, the odd decaf coffee, a mixture of apple and orange juice and sometimes the odd can of Sprite. Oxygen also helps because without that I would probably transition into the realm of ghosts. Oh, exercising is important too and I try to walk five miles per day. Finally sleep helps to recharge me and keep the realm of ghosts away for a few more years yet hopefully. 

F is for your Favourite Food.

I have loads of favourite foods, probably too many to put in a simple question like this. I’ll just give you a few off the top of my head: Italian food, Mexican food, Indian food, cheese, chicken, fish and chips (rarely eaten these days), bangers and mash, paella, burgers (again rarely eaten these days), a full English breakfast, fruit (oranges, apples, bananas) and many many more. 

G is for your favourite Game.

My favourite board game is Monopoly probably. 

My favourite Playstation game is FIFA football (though I love Metal Gear Solid, GTA and Far Cry). I particularly like “open world” games where you can basically do what you want. 

My favourite game to watch is football but I love cricket and rugby too. 

H is for your Hometown

I presume you mean the place where I was born, in which case it is Walsall, a town in the West Midlands, in an area known as “The Black Country” because of its history of heavy industry. It is 12 miles north of Birmingham, 76 miles south of Manchester and 136 miles north of London. It has a population of about 270,000 at the time of writing. 

I is for an Instrument you play. 

I used to play the trombone (from the age of 11 to 16). Nowadays I try to play the piano (very badly) on a Yamaha digital piano and I also make a lot of noise with a Roland JD-Xi hybrid synthesiser.

J is for your favourite Jam or Jelly flavour.

I don’t eat much jam but if I have to, I would probably select strawberry or raspberry. 

Of course, “jam” is known as “jelly” in the US and this has been confusing on my visits there. We use the word “jelly” in the UK too but it is completely different. Jelly is a wobbly fruit dessert that you eat with a spoon. The idea of spreading jelly on a sandwich is hilarious and I would love to see what happens if an American tried it in the UK. For my part, when I was offered jelly for my sandwich in the US, I laughed and said “Why would I have jelly on a sandwich?”, which probably seems an really stupid question to ask in America. 

K is for Kids.

I have two kids. When I say “kids” I mean adults. My eldest is 33 and my youngest is 30. They are still kids to me though, and like me, they still act like kids. 

L is for the Last show or movie your watched.

The last movie I watched was a thriller called “Knock at the Cabin” by M. Night Shyalamen. It was a little odd (as most of his movies are) but I enjoyed it. 

The last show I watched was Daredevil: Born Again. I love a bit of Marvel superhero action. 

M is for your Most prized possession.

I would say that my house is my most prized (and most expensive) possession. 

N is for the Name of your first crush.

I can’t recall which one of these came first but they are all from the 1970’s. 

Agnetha Fältskog

Linda Carter

O is for what you Observe from your window.

I can see my garden. The sun is shining and the sky is blue. 

P is for Phobias.

I am scared of heights, a phobia that has developed over the last thirty years. When I was in in twenties and thirties I loved heights and climbed the Empire State Building in New York and the Eiffel Tower in Paris. The thought of even approaching those two structures fills me with dread now. 

Q is for your favourite Quote.

I have lots of favourite quotes. Here’s one for you.

“I’m not as dumb as you look!” – Stan Laurel.

R is for Regret. 

I regret not learning to play a musical instrument properly when I was a kid. I did play a trombone but my heart wasn’t in it and if I found myself in my 11 year old mind I would scream “Learn the piano or the guitar!”

I also regret not putting more effort into learning foreign languages when I was a kid. 

S is for Sweets.

I don’t eat many sweets but I do like Polo mints, especially when I am travelling. 

T is for the Time you wake up.

I try to get up at around eight o’clock so I can go for a nice long walk in the morning. 

U is for Underwear.

What about it? Yes, I do wear it. 

V is for your favourite Vegetable.

I don’t think I have a favourite vegetable. I eat most things that are put in front of me but mostly I eat broccoli, carrots, peas and corn. 

W is for your Worst habit.

I have many good habits that make my retirement routine enjoyable. As for bad habits – I don’t really know. I guess I love being a little bit lazy and this contributes negatively in my war against procrastination. 

X is for X-rays. 

I have a dental X-ray every year but no others. 

Y is for your Yummiest recipe.

I hate cooking but I can cook. I guess the recipe I use most is a lovely chicken pasta. It takes no time to cook so it is wholly acceptable. 

Z is for your Zodiac sign.

I am a Libra. I am told by the charlatans that believe in all of this bunkum that I am a charming, beautiful and well-balanced person and that I am a king of compromise and am really generous. On the bad side, apparently I am superficial and a gossip and I can’t make a decision about anything. 

It’s all bullshit. 

Count Binface

In the UK we have a political system where any old Tom, Dick or Harry can stand as a Member of Parliament (MP). All you do is apply to the returning officer in the constituency you wish to challenge for with £500 with a deadline of 19 days before the poll takes place. If you get more than 5% of the vote, you get your deposit back. If you win, of course, you will become an MP. 

This has led to some really strange candidates applying to be an MP. Here are a few from the past:

Captain Beany – a baked bean themed candidate from the New Millennium Bean Party.

Captain Beany

Howling Laud Hope – the current leader of the Official Monster Raving Loony Party (and yes – it really does exist and has in fact existed for 44 years). 

Howling Laud Hope

Lord Toby Jug – also a member of the Official Monster Raving Loony Party.

Lord Toby Jug

The Official Monster Raving Loony Party has policies that are hilarious, including recent ones such as: 

• Building a space port in Runcorn

• Deport all MPs who “misbehave” to Rwanda

• Reduce pregnancy from nine months to seven months to reduce problems in the NHS

• Introduce greener cars by forcing all MPs to drive around in fluorescent green cars

• Reduce inflation by giving all people in the UK free pins 

• Prevent identity theft by calling everybody Chris

And related to this, something really funny will happen this summer – and it involves old frog-faced Nigel Farage, the populist far-right politician who is Donald Trump’s bosom buddy. 

You will love this (I hope). I know I do because Nigel Farage is my least favourite MP. It is so eccentrically British and it is why I love the country I was lucky enough to be born in. Here is the back-story.

CROAK! RIBBIT! CROAK!

You may have heard recently that my least favourite politician, Mr Nigel Farage, has been having a few problems. He is currently the MP for Clacton-on-Sea and is the leader of Reform UK, a far-right party whose supporters played a big part in inflicting Brexit on the UK. Now I don’t want to start ranting on about my feelings for Farage because that would become a book but, suffice it to say, he is a big buddy of Donald Trump and supports most of what the Orange Goblin does and says. However, recently he has had some big issues. 

For example, he is supposed to represent Clacton-on-Sea but the constituency hardly sees him. MPs are supposed to have surgeries in their constituency but Farage claims that he doesn’t do so for “security reasons”. He also hardly spends much time in the Houses of Parliament leading to the majority of MPs mocking him on a regular basis for srpending more time in the USA than he does in the UK.

However, a newspaper recently revealed that he received £5 million from a foreign-based crypto-billionaire which he first of all claimed was meant to be used to bolster his “security”. He didn’t declare this which is against parliamentary rules. He then changed his mind about the reason for the money: he claimed it was a “reward” for Brexit and he could spend it on what he liked. More recently he was discovered to have received benefits from a convicted criminal called George Cotterell who served a prison sentence in the US for money laundering, fraud, blackmail and extortion. 

Farage is now undergoing intense scrutiny from a parliamentary enquiry into his shenanigans and has recently tried to hide from public scrutiny by dodging interviews and keeping a low profile, just popping up the odd time on self-made video snippets and also spending time in America. 

Now he has taken a big gamble. He has resigned as the MP for Clacton-on-Sea with a view to contesting in a new by-election - in the same constituency. 

Why would he do this, I hear you cry? Farage is saying that “the establishment” is against him and he is framing the by-election as “the people” versus “the establishment” in the hope that the people in Clacton-on-Sea will vindicate him and his actions and return him to parliament again in a way that is triumphant, allowing him and his supporters to give a bloody nose to “the establishment”. 

Basically, he is used to being in control and has a massive hissy fit and thrown every last one of his toys out of the pram. 

There are of course several problems with his gamble. First of all, if he is elected as an MP again, the investigations into his undeclared £5 million and any other “dealings” that may be subsequently investigated will simply continue from the point where it was paused. 

Second, the other major parties know that his actions are farcical and have refused to put up candidates against him making the entire by-election a complete joke.  

Third, of course, Farage has been in politics for decades as an MP, leader of far-right parties and also a member of the European Parliament when we were in the EU. He is as much a part of the establishment as those he claims to be fighting against. 

The Clacton-on-Sea by-election is therefore basically going to be a one-horse race.

Or is it? 

Enter Count Binface.

Yes indeed, one of the more recent eccentric candidates, County Binface is going to  stand against him. Count Binface claims to be an “independent space warrior” and, because there are no other major candidates, the by-election has become Farage versus Count Binface - i.e. a man dressed as a trash can (if you are American). 

And it is absolutely bloody hilarious.

Count Binface is usually quite quiet during elections apart from posing for pictures. This time however, he has been appearing on prime time and serious news programmes on the TV and radio actually being interviewed by serious commentators. This is a joke candidate with manifesto commitments such as: 

• Ban loud snacks in the cinema

• Force rule breaking cyclists to use unicycles

• Force water company CEOs to swim in polluted rivers to “see how they like it”

• Rename London Bridge as Phoebe-Waller Bridge

• Count Binface to be the UK’s entrant next year in the Eurovision Song Contest

Here he is being interviewed:

As you can imagine, Farage is being humiliated – and I love it. 

Here are some quotes mocking the entire farce:

“It is a farce and a desperate distraction, and the people of Clacton deserve better. But if he wants to spend the summer arguing with a bin, I won't stop him.”

“Labour is not going to be part of this circus, I hear it’s the people versus the establishment, the city trader, Putin-admiring, professional politician who’s pals with crypto billionaires versus Count Binface.”

“Reform are into full PR mode while expecting everyone to ignore their leader being in a two-way contest with a bin.”

Come on Count Binface. 

I would definitely vote for you if I lived in Clacton-on-Sea.

Artificial

Welcome to a sunny and pleasant South Manchester. 

It is the day before 4th July so I guess I should mention Independence Day. 

It’s a terrible film but I love the special effects. 

Only kidding. However, I was once asked on a trip to America:

“Do y’all celebrate the fourth of July in the UK?”

I had to stop myself from laughing and I tried my best to be polite (a stereotypical trait of British people). 

“Er no!” I said with Mr Giggle inside threatening to take over. “It is an American only celebration for something that happened in 1776. We were involved I suppose but it’s not something we remember and, certainly as far as my generation are concerned, it is a meaningless day for us.”

Now, that said, I had the great pleasure of being in America on July 4th 1989. I was staying with a friend of my ex-wife in New Jersey and we had the pleasure of being the only British guests for a party to celebrate the day. I got totally involved and met a load of great people who loved the fact that I was British. I had my very own film crew - well it was a guest with a video camera who recorded me constantly, listening to my accent, my tales from back in the homeland and most bizarrely of all, the British coins and notes that I had. 

Also, one time in Boston, Mrs PM and I found ourselves on the USS Constitution, a ship that was launched in 1797 and used in the War of 1812, again fought against the British. We were in a group of about twenty people and our guide told tales of the heroics of the crew as we listened with interest, until the guide asked – “Is anyone here from England?”

Of course Mrs PM and I raised our hands …

… and were roundly booed!!

I simply burst out laughing because I like a good joke. I said “Well, I wasn’t around in 1812, but I am absolutely delighted that you guys are looking after the American colonies for us – until we come back for them, that is.”

I was happy that the group laughed at my attempt at humour – and I was joking (or was I?). 

Anyway, enough about Independence Day. I will be at a cricket match watching England play India while America celebrates its special day. I just hope that Trump doesn’t mess it up for you guys – or perhaps mess it up even more (as he is trying to make it all about him and not your country). 

I still can’t believe the mess that the Orange Goblin has made of the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool in Washington. I recall walking alongside it, again in 1989, and I thought it looked amazing. He has totally ruined it. 

Anyway – to any American readers – I hope you all enjoy Independence Day - and my jokey image at the start of this post.  

Let’s steal some questions from Sunday Stealing. 

1. If you could attend a 4th of July fireworks display anywhere in the United States, where would you choose?

As I said above, I was in New Jersey on 4th July 1989, and I recall watching the firework display in New York. I spent New Year’s Eve 1998 in New York City too and had a brilliant time as the Times Square Ball was lowered in the traditional way that New Yorkers love. It was really, really cold but I thoroughly enjoyed the experience. My answer is therefore New York. 

2. What book are you currently reading?

I am currently reading a science fiction novel called "Anvil of Stars" by Greg Bear, the sequel to The Forge of God, which I read earlier this year. 

I am also reading “Economics for Dummies” but very slowly. I decided this year to read more non-fiction, and I’ve always wondered what goes on in the world of economists. It is heavy going (especially for dummies like me) but I am slowly learning a few things. 

Finally, I have decided to try to finish “Harry Potter y la piedra filosofal” which is the Spanish translation of the first Harry Potter book, the idea being that my Spanish would improve. And it has a little – but it is hard and has highlighted the fact that my Spanish is nowhere near as good as I thought it might be. 

3. What have you been listening to?

I could write several blog posts about what I have been listening to but I will keep this answer short. Here are a couple of recent favourites.

Lunatic Soul - The Prophecy

The Dowling Poole – The Saccharine Drip

Devin Townsend – Home at Night

Foo Fighters - Asking for a Friend

4. What shows or movies have you been watching?

I’m currently watching the final season (4) of Banshee, which is a very violent show about a criminal, played by Anthony Starr, who somehow becomes Sheriff of a town called Banshee. 

I’m also watching The Night Agent (season 3):

The last movie I went to see at the cinema was a couple of weeks ago – Disclosure Day:

I Am I Said (Part Two)

Welcome to a South Manchester where the weather has been scorching for the past few days. It is much cooler today, thank goodness. We have had record temperatures for the month of June both here in Manchester and in the UK as a whole. Similarly, last month we had UK temperature records for May were broken. This is our second heatwave of the year and summer has barely begun. I’m not complaining too much apart from the fact that we’re not really geared up for long stints of excessive heat here in the United Kingdom. I think that we will have to start putting in measures because I think this is the tip of the iceberg. I think a lot of global warming sceptics are now reconsidering their positions though some stubborn arses who know no better will choose to believe their favourite politicians (who incidentally also know nothing). 

I don’t want to get started on a rant about people who don’t believe experts so I shall stop now and answer some silly questions from Sunday Stealing. 

I LOVE TO …

I love to have lazy days. I plan a blog post on this in the future but the gist is this: now that I am retired, I have a routine where I religiously try to plan weird and geeky things to keep me occupied. However, there are days when I just don’t feel like doing anything. And so I just do nothing productive whatsoever. I watch TV, I sit in the garden reading (weather permitting), I play stupid games on the PS 5 or just sit listening to music. And such days are wonderful. 

I SOMETIMES …

I sometimes consider taking up my old career but as a hobby this time. During the early days of working in IT I used to thoroughly enjoy writing software and seeing the results of my creations in action in the real world. However, as the years went by, I found myself doing that less and less as a combination of office politics and business bullshit infected my job. By the end I was so disillusioned that I was desperate to retire. 

However, I sometimes think about those early days and how much fun I had and wonder what it would be like to write code again. Of course, I would want to use the latest technology so there would be a bit of a learning curve but it would be fun, especially of I opted to explore the world of Artificial Intelligence. If I’m honest, it is unlikely that I will do it in the next couple of years because I am happy with what I am doing. But, never say never …

I FEAR …

I fear the path that the world seems to be heading down. We live in a world where blatant lies are told by politicians and influencers and gullible people believe them even though they can be proven to be factually incorrect. It might be funny that idiots believe that the world is shaped like a frisbee but the number of people with such outrageous beliefs is increasing exponentially. And the politics of hatred are spreading like wildfire globally. I can only hope that people realise what is going on and take steps to stop it happening in the future. 

However, we have the personification and embodiment of everything that is wrong in the world shitting himself on his golden throne in the White House and I can only hope that this is the pinnacle of the insanity that threatens our world, and as sensible people we react and do something to change direction. 

I MISS …

I miss my sister Julie. She sadly passed away suddenly a couple of years ago. She was only 57 years old. It was a total shock to me and my other sister. She was one of the strongest and most driven people I have known. She was intelligent with a huge personality and was probably the one person in the world most likely to be blunt and tell me exactly what she thought of what I was doing even if I didn’t want to hear it. My other sister does that too but never so forcefully. We used to have deep conversations about the world and its problems and come up with plans to rectify the insanity of the world. I miss those conversations. 

I CRAVE …

I crave junk food sometimes. I don’t eat a lot of it but when I do, it is so naughty that I feel like a mischievous little kid again. The other day, we passed a KFC and I remarked to Mrs PM that I haven’t had KFC for decades. I remember loving it and that’s probably why I stopped eating it because it is so fattening. In my head I was thinking “Just get a bucket of chicken! DO IT! DO IT!”. 

Common sense prevailed but it was close, I can tell you. I might just suggest a trip to the chippy tonight to get a huge plate of fish, chips and mushy peas. It’ll be okay just this once. 

Everything in moderation, right? 

I CHERISH …

I cherish Mrs PM. Enough said, I think. 

I AM IMPATIENT WHEN …

I am impatient when I am in a queue. One of the myths about British people is that we love queuing. I will be honest here; I bloody HATE queuing and if that makes me seem unBritish then so be it. It is particularly bad at airport because you have to queue up to check in (or bag drop) and go through security and, at the other end you have to queue up for immigration and stand like a total lemon waiting for your bags before queuing up for buses, taxis or trains. It’s infuriating and this is why I need somebody to invent a Star Trek transporter.  

Personal Shopper

Welcome to a sunny South Manchester where the weather has improved. We’re due to have higher temperatures next week, starting at 26 °C tomorrow and rising to 30 °C by next weekend (that’s 79 °F to 86 °F). 

England started their World Cup campaign fairly well beating Croatia 4-2, conceding two goals in the first half that they really shouldn’t have. It’s something to work on I guess for the next game which takes place on Tuesday. 

Let’s dive into some questions from Sunday Stealing. 

Sadly, this week, they are about shopping and this is one of my least favourite pastimes.

IT IS SO BORING!!!

I do shop but I rarely go out to do it, buying most things online these days. The exception to that is really grocery shopping, which I do every week because I am retired and Mrs PM still works. 

As you read my answers, here is a song called Personal Shopper by Steven Wilson (featuring Sir Elton John) that really sums up my views on shopping and is very apt for this post. 

Come on, Dave: hold you nose and jump in. 

Shopping Day. What's on your shopping list from ...

1. Target or Walmart, or other superstore?

Neither Target nor Walmart exist in the UK, though I am familiar with Walmart from previous trips to the United States. We do have lots of superstores though, the biggest one probably is Tesco, which is a chain of supermarkets of varying sizes ranging from small ones called “Tesco Local” to huge ones that sell a variety of other things as well as your normal everyday groceries, such as clothes, electrical appliances etc. 

I do all of my grocery shopping at Tesco because it is the nearest but occasionally (and I mean very occasionally) I will go to other “superstores” such as Debenhams, Marks & Spencers and various others. 

2. Dollar Tree or Dollar General, or poundstretcher/99p store?

Again, we don’t have Dollar Tree or Dollar General in the UK. From what I can gather, our equivalent is Poundstretcher and I can honestly say that I have never set foot inside one. 

3. Best Buy or any other electronics/appliance store?

We don’t have Best Buy in the UK either. However the closest equivalents are Currys, Dixons and Comet. Being a fan of electronic gadgets generally I have actually set foot inside each of the three shops and bought stuff from them. I guess my first choice would be Currys because they have the most choice. But then again, these days I tend to look at what I need online and then choose which retailer offers the best price. 

4. Book/music store?

For books my favourite store is Waterstones, which is a specialist bookstore with some large shops in most places. Sadly, I only read books electronically now, which even more sadly means that I have to contribute, albeit in a small way, to keeping Jeff Bezos in the lifestyle in which he wallows at the moment. 

For music, I used to shop at places like HMV or Virgin records. Again, though, it was easier to buy CDs at Amazon, which means adding even more to Bezos’s already brimming bank accounts. Thankfully I no longer buy CDs, choosing instead to add to Spotify’s coffers. 

5. Bonus question! Where do you want to stop for lunch?

On the rare occasions when I head into Manchester city centre to go shopping with Mrs PM (and it is rare – I can’t recall the last time I actually did it), I suggest that we pop into a pub for lunch. That way I can have a beer to help nullify the trauma and tedium of wandering around shops. 

Do It Yourself

Welcome to what is now a sunny South Manchester. It makes a change because it has been raining a lot recently. For example, this morning I went on my usual early walk and it rained non-stop for the duration, which lasted an hour and a quarter. I was drenched! 

It’s supposed to be June. It’s supposed to be summer in a week or so. 

Sometimes I wish that I lived in Spain. 

Let’s dive in and answer some silly questions from Sunday Stealing. 

It’s a bit different this week because regular contributors have each suggested a question, myself included. And, yes, I think my question is the weirdest (as you will see). 

1. Would you rather have every traffic light turn green or always get the best parking spot? (Kwizgiver) 

I don’t drive much these days. If I’m honest, it’s because I don’t really like driving; I never have. However, when I do drive, I sometimes lose patience and feel the burning onset of road rage rising in my mind. This is aggravated by being in a hurry especially if the roads are busy with people who are just pootling along without a care in the world. Traffic lights add to this evolving frustration because, in my experience at least, the number of red lights you encounter is directly proportional to how much of a hurry you are in. Put simply, if you are late or in a hurry, you will encounter red lights all the time. 

The answer to this question is therefore simple. I would always rather have every traffic light turn green. 

2. What's the most difficult thing you have ever done? (Gold in the Clouds) 

That’s also easy. The most difficult thing I have ever done is to climb the Sydney Harbour Bridge. I am terrified of heights and I had a moment of utter insanity and agreed to do it. Here is proof:

3. What information do you know that you are proud of/happy about, but others say, "Who cares?" (Roger) 

This is a tricky one. I guess it has to do with sport and the football team I support. My team is in the fourth tier of English football and they are called Walsall. When you decide to support a team you hand over your soul to them, and I did just that when I was six years old before I knew any better. 

The result is that I support a really bad team who barely win anything. The problem now is that I live in a city that is surrounded by teams that are far more successful than my team. You may have heard of Manchester United and Manchester City. And when I discuss football with supporters of these teams (and other more successful teams), I always try to express my enthusiasm for Walsall. Do they care? Absolutely not. I usually get laughed at or told “Manchester United are one of the biggest clubs in the world. Who cares about your shitty team?”. 

I do – sadly. 

4. What mystery do you wish you knew the answer to? (Myra/Mevely)

Another tricky question because I love mysteries, especially weird ones. I think to be honest it would have to be an answer to the question:

 “Do aliens exist and have they been visiting planet Earth?”. 

I am not one of those people who fervently believe that aliens exist and that UFOs really are of alien design. I just want to know. As a science-oriented person, the truth is that the evidence supports the theory that aliens and UFOs do not exist and that there is a logical explanation for some of the things that people have witnessed in the past 80 years or so. Yet some of the things I have seen on TV programmes are truly bizarre and you could argue that there is something out there. 

It would be nice to know for sure. 

5. What small, ordinary thing brings you disproportionate joy? (Country Dew)

The World Cup has started and I am looking forward to spending a lot of time watching the games on TV, especially when England are playing. Whenever I sit down to watch TV, one of the cats usually sits next to me, almost glued to my left leg like a limpet. On my right will be a table where I will either be sipping a large mug of decaffeinated tea or, if I am feeling a little naughty, a glass of beer. This particular scenario will bring me a lot of pleasure in the next couple of weeks, especially if Mrs decides to join me (she doesn’t really like football) and, of course, England win. 

6. What time do you go to sleep/wake up?  (Annie)

My smartwatch nags me. It tells me when I have to stand up, how many calories I have burned and that my goals (which it decided) will not being achieved unless I pull my finger out. It also nags me around bedtime telling me that I should consider going to bed. If I don’t get eight hours at least (again decided by the watch) then it nags me. 

As a result of this I have tried to placate the bloody thing. Consequently I go to bed about 11pm to 11:30pm usually and I wake up roughly seven and a half hours later. 

7. What is your favourite sleeping position? (Lisa) 

I usually sleep on my right side because it usually helps me get to sleep more quickly. However, when I wake up my position can vary. The only position I can’t sleep in is on my front. 

8. Describe your personal Utopia. (Pandora) 

I have this fantasy of becoming World President and banishing all odious people on a one-way flight into space to discover a new planet for themselves (but not the rest of us) to live on. 

My personal Utopia would be a world where all such people do not exist on the planet. That means no Donald Trump, Valdimir Putin and all the other political arses who cause so much chaos in the world. I want a world where everybody gets on and countries welcome visitors with not a care where they came from and everybody is totally free with no oppression whatsoever. It would be nice to have a transporter device such that if anybody starts to show Trump-like qualities then their punishment will be to be beamed onto the fleet of spaceships looking for planet Arse.

9. Imagine that you have a machine that can create any new invention for you based on your description. What you ask the machine to create, and why? (Plastic Mancunian)

I told you that my question is the weirdest. 

I would ask it to create a time machine for me. This time machine would be indestructible and have all the comforts of home and would be able to take me anywhere or anywhen. To be honest, I would use it initially to go to the future and see what technological innovations have been created in the decades to come and where we are with space exploration and the like. When I am satisfied with that I would then pop to the past and perhaps observe the shenanigans of divisive historical figures like Henry VIII or maybe pop to Ancient Rome and spend a day strolling around talking to normal Roman people.