Not Far Enough?

Welcome to a sunny but cold South Manchester where the temperature dropped back to zero overnight and, thankfully, has recovered a bit. It’s sunny and it looks like there will be some rain later. Typical April weather – short sharp showers. 

We’re nearly in May though and heading towards summer, my favourite time of the year.

Here are some silly questions from Sunday Stealing. 

1.    What's the best thing to inherit other than money

In my opinion, property. I guess you could say that if you inherit a house then really you are inheriting money but to some people it isn’t that way because they may choose to actually move into the property they inherit. Inheriting jewellery or things like that are the same I guess because sometimes the item of jewellery can be worth money too as indeed can anything else. 

2.    What one  thing would you most like to happen tomorrow?

I would like it not to rain. 

We are meeting some friends in an outside setting and although it will be cold I think it will be perfect if it doesn’t rain. But, as I said above, we are in April and the chances of rain are always relatively high no matter what the weather forecast says. We shall be prepared. 

3.    Who is the person with whom you've been most infatuated?

I don’t get infatuated with people; I think it’s unhealthy. I’m not infatuated with anyone famous and certainly not anyone I know. 

Mrs PM would be the closest I guess if you are demanding an answer.

4.    In what part of the day does time go slowest and fastest?

It depends on whether I am at work or not. When working, the mornings always seem to drag on and on. I look at my watch expecting the time to be midday, say, and find that it is only 10:30.

Weekends seem to go too quickly because before I know it I am back at work.

5.    Whose thoughts would you most like to read?

The truth is I would like to be able to read the thoughts of my two cats. I wonder what makes them tick and what is going on in their heads. 

If you are demanding that I specify a human being, I would struggle butI would probably pick our Prime Minister at the moment, Mr Rishi Sunak, who hopefully won’t be Prime Minister much longer.

When he decides to finally call a General Election my dearest wish is that he and his corrupt, incompetent party are kicked into touch with maximum prejudice be the electorate.

 Sadly he is running scared and is waiting for the polls to shift in his favour – which I don’t think will happen. He’s running out of time because he has to call the election by the end of 2024.

I would like to know what he is really thinking and when this election might be. 

6.    Who is the person you'd least like to touch?

Piers Morgan. I wouldn’t even want to be in the same room as him.

7.    What is the best quality you inherited from your parents?

My dad was a really calm and laid back man and I think I am probably more similar to him. I try not to let things phase me and I like to approach things with a smile and a bit of humour. He was the same. 

My mum was a different person who could be stubborn, dogged and determined and I think I have inherited a little of that myself. Some people may think that’s a negative quality but sometimes can be a positive thing. 

8.    Who is the friend you most often disagree with?

I have disagreements with a lot of friends and these disagreements are usually over trivialities. There are one or two though that support the current government and when the subject of politics comes up, there is scope for escalation. We choose to simply not talk about politics, other than perhaps joke about it.

9.    What's the best ritual of your daily life?

Doing my “daily duties” as I like to call them. Basically I have a few habits that I follow every day: walking, writing something, learning Spanish, playing piano and usually reading something. 

10.    What is the most useful job you've ever had?

I guess my current job is the most useful one I have had. As I have said, when I retire finally I will open up about what that job actually is. It is very interesting if you strip away the crap like office politics and all of the other things that make me sick of it. 

11.    In which year of your life did you change the most?

That would be in 1984. 

It was my final year of university and in that year, I applied for jobs, studied hard for my final examinations, passed those examinations which got me my honours degree in Computational and Statistical Science, travelled to Europe with a couple of mates using Interrail for a month, moved to Manchester and started my first full time job and then moved in with the woman who would become my ex-wife. 

A lot changed that year. 

And Big Brother was nowhere to be seen apart from in a movie starring John Hurt. 

12.    What's the best thing you've ever gotten for free?

A trip to Australia. 

Well when I say “free” it wasn’t really but it was a lot cheaper thanks to the generosity of Mrs PM’s mum. 

She turned 60 that year and she said that she had always wanted to go Down Under and she asked us to go with her because Mrs PM and I were “seasoned travellers”. I told her that we’d love to but it was too expensive at the time for us. So she offered to pay for all flights and some of the accommodation. 

Mrs PM took her up on the offer and I felt guilty about it so we did spend a lot of money on them regardless. We went via Hong Kong (of course) and returned via Singapore, visiting Port Douglas, Cairns, Brisbane before driving from Brisbane to Sydney over a period of about eight days. It was the trip where I climbed the Sydney Harbour Bridge so it was a momentous one for me. 

I wrote an account of the trip and presented it to her as a gift after we had returned. 

One day we will go back to visit our Australian buddies but this time under our own steam. 

Look out Aussies – I will be back hopefully. 

13.    What is the thing you are best at?

I’m really good with logical and mathematical stuff. My job demands it. I am one of those weird geeky guys who gets maths and actually, in the past, has voluntarily solved maths problems FOR FUN. I’m good with computers too (you would have hoped so since I’ve been dabbling with them for over 40 years) and this is a by-product of my mathematical and logical mind. 

I am so sad that I am thinking about rekindling my relationship with maths when I retire. 

Yes - I am truly a geek.

14.    What was the luckiest moment in your life?

Meeting Mrs PM. 

No contest.

15.    What is the single most important thing you have ever learned?

Be yourself, enjoy life and don’t take it too seriously. And as a bonus – don’t let ANYONE get you down.

Too Far?

 

Welcome to a very sunny April day in South Manchester. The sun is shining, the sky is blue and the temperature is pleasant. The trees are blooming as are the flowers. Spring is definitely here. 

Let’s answer some more silly questions courtesy of Sunday Stealing. 

1.    What was the best toy you ever owned?

I’ve owned a lot of toys over the years but the ones I loved most were those that allowed me to enact major stories that my weird imagination conjured up. For example, I had a robot that buzzed, beeped and walked and made noises as if it were firing death rays from its chest. This coupled with an army, ranging from World War 2 British and American model soldiers, characters from Captain Scarlet and Thunderbirds, as well as various other soldiers from British history (like civil war soldiers, Saxons and Vikings), cowboys and Indians from the Wild West, allowed me to stage battles and wars in my own bedroom using a variety of props. 

It was epic, I can tell you. 

2.    When in your life have you felt the loneliest?

I’ve had bouts of loneliness over the decades, usually when doing something brand new or life-changing. The loneliness has stemmed from being thrust out of my comfort zone and surrounded by strangers, especially when I was younger. I struggled to combat my shyness and realised that I had to do something – and I usually did. I still feel lonely from time to time (everybody does) but it is a rare occurrence these days.

3.    What is your strongest emotion

I would say that it is anger. I rarely get angry and I always try to walk away before it builds up. If I feel myself getting angry, I try to take a step back. It usually works and I can honestly say that I haven’t been really angry for years now. 

I avoid arguments, especially petty ones, and I try to reason with the other person. If they continue to escalate things I just walk away. That works a treat. 

Of course I can’t control certain things that make me angry like the antics of politicians but even now I largely just step away. At the end of the day there is little I can do about it, so why bother? 

4.    When were you the most disappointed in yourself?

I’ve done okay over the years and although I’ve disappointed myself I try to think positively and not dwell on such things. I think it is best to move on from past failures think about the future. I do sometimes still disappoint myself, usually when I fail to do something constructive in the day, like losing a battle against procrastination. 

5.    Which law would you most like to change?

In the UK there are loads of ridiculous laws that could do with a review, too many to mention in one post. 

6.    Who is the person you have hated the most in your lifetime?

I try not to hate people. If I really don’t like a person, I try to completely avoid them. “Out of sight out of mind” is a mantra worth following.

Sadly that is difficult when it comes to public figures who regularly appear in the news. Current people who I really struggle with are the architects of Brexit for example Nigel Farage, Boris Johnson, Michael Gove and Jacob Rees-Mogg, but in the case of Boris Johnson, he only supported it to oppose then Prime Minister David Cameron, which means he deserves more contempt than most. And of course there are the right-wing nutjobs that make up the extreme part of the Conservative Party like Suella Braverman and Liz Truss, the failed Prime Minister who seems to be becoming more a frothing lunatic as time passes. 

Internationally, people like Valdimir Putin, Donald Trump and Kim Jong-Un deserve a mention. 

Surely – SURELY – Donald Trump cannot become the president again. 

Come on America … sort it out. 

7.    What has disappointed you the most?

In terms of UK events, Brexit was so disappointing that I ended up being very angry about it. I am still angry deep down but I try not to think about it. 

World politics disappoints me on a daily basis, particularly when it involves war. 

8.    What's the best possible attitude toward death?

I aim to live forever. 

Actually, joking aside, that’s the best way to look at it. Death will happen to everybody so the best thing to do is to try not to think about it and enjoy your life. If you worry about your inevitable demise, it may actually bring it on sooner. 

Life is there to enjoy – so try to do it. 

9.    What's been the longest day in your life?

A day is measured from the time you wake up to the time that you fall asleep. 

With that in mind, it is one of the following (I’m not sure which).

A time in Zurich when I had to upgrade a computer system and I put in an 18 hour shift that started after I had been up for 8 hours already. 

A flight back from Kunming in China to Manchester, that took me via Beijing and Amsterdam, with at least a three hour wait in both airports. I cannot sleep on long-haul flights. When I boarded the flight in Amsterdam for Manchester, I finally fell asleep and I don’t recall the take off at all, only being awoken when the aircraft touched down in Manchester about 40 minutes after take-off. 

 10.  What is the biggest coincidence in your life?

There have been a couple. Here is one I wrote about a couple of years ago:

A couple of years ago, Mrs PM and I decided to have a long weekend in London. Mrs PM wanted to be a total tourist in our capital. We took Friday off work and checked into our hotel on the south bank of the river Thames at about lunchtime.

We strolled to Tower Bridge and mingled with other tourists taking photos of one of London’s most iconic sights before crossing it and having a late lunch in a nearby pub. After that, Mrs PM decided that she hadn’t seen the Crown Jewels so our next destination, just over the river, was the Tower of London. We spent the rest of the afternoon looking around one of our most historical buildings, culminating, at the end, in a queue to see the Queen’s jewellery box. 

After that, we were about to leave when Mrs PM told me that she just needed to answer a call of nature. I decided to try too because it was a fair walk back to the hotel. Of course, public toilet etiquette dictates that men are not supposed to talk to each other or look at each other while doing the business, so in my blinkered cave-like world I just answered the call as quickly as I could. 

On the way out, I walked behind another man and a thought entered my head: “that guy in front looks just like Ben from work.”

I was unsure so I didn’t say anything. When we left the loo, the guy walked over to his wife and kids who were waiting for him. It was Ben after all.

I had taken a day off, come to London, decided to visit one of the thousands of attractions in that city at precisely that time and decided to relieve myself at exactly the same moment as him.

I stood waiting outside the ladies toilet for Mr PM and watched Ben and his family walk towards me. I stared at him with a huge grin on my face. I don’t think I have ever seen a better double take in my entire life.

He glanced at me, glanced at his wife and then stared straight back at me, with recognition dawning on his face.

“What the PHHAAARKKK are you doing here?” he asked incredulously. Just at that moment, Mrs PM came out of the ladies and I saw my second favourite double take. Mrs PM saw Ben, looked at me and then stared at Ben and said “What the PHHAAARKK are you doing here?”

11.  What's the oldest you'd like to live?

As I said above, I plan to live forever.

Realistically though, I am 61 years old and I do not even concern myself with death. When it comes, it comes. 

12.    Who is the most amazing woman you know personally?

Every woman I know is amazing. Mrs PM is the most amazing though.

13.    What was your best experience in school?

I didn’t really like school but leaving with a load of qualifications counts as something on an achievement, I guess.

14.    What's the most meaningful compliment you've ever received?

That’s a tough one. Some customers have asked for me by name and also I’ve been told a few times that I’m a “go to person” when it comes to resolving certain types of problem. 

15.    What is the most you've spent on something really stupid?

I’m very careful with money and I tend not to buy stupid things. That said, back in the day, I’ve done things like buying DVDs on impulse that I have only watched once or twice before putting them in the loft. I should sell such crap items to be fair, to show Mrs PM and that I am not really a hoarder for starters. 

How Far?

Welcome to a bright but cloudy South Manchester, where it is quite pleasant in terms of temperature and again it isn’t raining. I’ve just seen a hint of sunshine too.

Let’s answer some silly questions from Sunday Stealing. 

1.    What have you been the most ignorant about in your life?

I’ve been ignorant about a lot of things. Who hasn’t? 

I’m not that clued up on money for example. I know enough and I am very careful and slightly frugal but I have realised whenever I have spoken to a financial person that, really, I am pretty ignorant about it. 

Politics is another one. I know what I believe as do a lot of people, but when you scratch the surface of how politics actually works, it is a quagmire of complicated nonsense. 

And that is just the UK. Every single country has their own way of dealing with politics and it is a complex nightmare. 

To be honest, as far as politics is concerned I think that I have reached the peak of my tolerance for it. When I was younger I didn’t care and, as the years have gone by, I have slowly become more and more outraged. Now, I decided to step back from the fury that politicians incite and I am feeling better for it. Don’t get me wrong – they still make me angry but in the grand scheme of things, I’ve realised that my younger self had the right idea. 

2.    What in the world would you most like to see protected?

I am quite shocked sometimes when I realise how much humanity is slowly turning our world into a toilet. The Amazon rainforest is slowly being eroded by lunatics in Brazil and the effects of climate change caused by such acts of ignorant thoughtlessness are starting to come and bite us all on the arse.

What makes me laugh (in a sad way) is that countries get together and agree to various measures but then fail spectacularly to meet them while at the same time standing on their soapboxes claiming they are more eco-friendly than everyone else. 

In the UK we have a net zero policy and I am amazed that ignorant people are claiming this is a bad thing. 

Let’s protect everything in nature that might help us to resolve these issues. I won’t hold my breath though because there are too many ill-informed conspiracy theorists who shout too loud. 

3.    How do you waste  the biggest chunk of time each day or week?

I’m not sure I waste time. When I am not working, I try to do things that are either productive, necessary or just fun. 

Some people may argue that spending an hour on my PS4, cursing at my ineptitude on FIFA when my team is losing 3-0 because of my incompetence or throwing down the controller in disgust when my sprite has been killed again due to my lack of coordination and skill, is a total waste of time. It isn’t – it is fun as is watching something on TV – or just sitting there paying with the cats. 

Don’t let Mr Motivator (as described here) get you down folks. Have fun and do what you want. 

4.    Who is the scariest person you've ever known?

I don’t think I have ever met a truly scary person. I’ve worked with people who have used anger to try to get me to work longer, harder or whatever but I tend to find such people funny - which is bizarre. 

We had a teacher at my school who most kidswere scared of. He taught French and his whole demeanour was terrifying for some kids. He was a brilliant teacher but he immediately worked out who the troublemakers were and parked them right in front of his desk during lessons so that he could keep an eye on them. 

He never yelled; he used psychological methods and in a couple of cases reduce spotty 15 year old teenage boys to tears in front of the entire class. 

He once made me stand up in class and tried to humiliate me and make an example of me using these techniques. To be fair I deserved it because I was being an arse. But when he started, his whole demeanour, voice and mannerisms combined in a way that I found hilarious. 

As he was talking, I had to lower my head to hide my huge grin. I had to pretend to cough to cover my little yips of laughter. In the end he gave up and asked to speak to me at the end of the lesson. Of course, when I saw him at the end of the lesson, I found myself on my own with him and I ended up getting one of my many detentions but as he was telling me that I was wasting my talent, being immature and that I had to buck my ideas up, I really struggled not to laugh at him again. 

I did like him though. He got me through French.

5.    What was  the job you enjoyed the least?

One day I will write about what I actually do and have done over the years. I work in IT and I have had to apply my knowledge to other disciplines, one of which involved me working shifts in Liverpool with a couple of guys who didn’t like my company at all. 

There is nothing worse than trying to work at 4am with a couple of angry arseholes doing their best to micromanage you while at the same time telling you that your product is rubbish, full of bugs and not fit for purpose, when the truth was that they simply don’t understand the system because it is new.

It was a long time ago and I was just a young lad (about 24 years old) so I just took it. If these two people tried that right now, they would be shocked by my reaction. Experience does have its benefits and I have managed to acquire certain skills to deal with such people. But at the time, it was not enjoyable at all for my younger self

6.    What thing about your family are you the most proud of?

Well I was the first person in my family to ever go to university by virtue that I was the eldest child. Both of my sisters followed me (one of them as a mature student) and all three of us have/had rewarding careers. This has now progressed because my two lads have followed me. We’re quite clever. I’m proud of that.

7.    What kind of power do you want most?

(Puts silly head on) I want to be World President. I would make some real changes and regular readers will know that I would plan to build a spaceship to send all of the worst human beings on a one-way space exploration trip.

If we are talking super powers, I would like to be able to become invisible, teleport or be able to speed up and slow down time. Or all three.

(Takes silly head off) I don’t really want power of any kind. I’m quite happy being Mr Ordinary.

8.    What's the best piece of advice you ever received?   

“You are clever enough to go to university and have a great career. You have to go for it.”

My dad told me that at the age of 16, as did several teachers who I have made fun of in this blog. I thank them for making me see sense.

9.    What's the  thing you  know the most about?

I know quite a lot of things (some of which astounds even me) but as my career comes to an end, I would have to say that I know a lot about how to make computers tick. I have a logical mind and it is wired such that things like maths come relatively easy to me. 

That said, there is a whole universe of stuff that I know absolutely nothing about. 

10.    When were you most moved by a ceremony?

That would probably be a wedding but it depends who is getting married of course. I’ve been known to have a tear in my eye for such occasions.

There is a big one coming up next year – my eldest son is getting married in September 2025. I imagine that will be quite an emotional ceremony. 

11.    What is the best gift you ever gave to someone?

I don’t really know. I’ve given money to both my lads of course so I will say that. I wonder how much it was? 

12.    What is the cruellest thing you've ever suffered?

Life can be cruel when somebody is taken away from us before their time. Whenever I lose a close member of the family I spend time reflecting on how cruel life can be sometimes.

13.    What's the single nastiest thing you've ever done to someone?

I’m not a nasty person by nature but when I got divorced there were probably some recriminations. That was a long time ago now and my ex-wife and I are quite civil to each other now.

14.    What problem do you think is most common among friends your age?

Realising that they are now old gits and not as young as they were. There is still an element of trying to behave like 20 year-olds (and I am guilty of this too) but we soon ask ourselves what the hell we are doing and then fall back on acting our age (well sometimes). 

15.    What is the strongest craving you get?

I only crave things when I am hungry – and then it is basically food. I’m getting hungry right now actually.

TV Tan

Welcome to South Manchester on a mixed day, weatherwise. Basically it is raining with occasional sunny intervals, which is typical weather in April. 

Time for silly questions from Sunday Stealing. 

1.  Name a TV series show or shows in which you have seen every episode at least twice:

There are a few but the one that leaps to mind is a typically British comedy show, set in space, called Red Dwarf. It is about a huge mining ship called Red Dwarf, which is 3 million years in the future somewhere out there in the universe after an accident that killed the entire crew except an absolute space bum called Dave Lister. Dave is the last surviving human being and is joined by a hologram of his dead bunkmate called Arnold Rimmer, a cleaning droid called Kryten and a creature that evolved from Dave’s cat, as well as a senile computer. It sounds bizarre but it is hilarious.

Here are a couple of clips. 

2.  Name a show or shows you can't or would not miss:

There are quite a few around to be honest. I’m a geek so there are a lot of sci-fi shows like Dr Who, whatever the latest Star Trek series is (looking forward to the last season of Discovery) plus some recent gems like The Boys and Reacher. There’s some good stuff out there at the moment.

3.  Name an actor or actors that would make you more inclined to watch a show:

None. I don’t really care who is in the show to be honest as long as it isn’t any one of those mentioned in the next question.

4.  Name an actor or actors who would make you less likely to watch a show:  

There’s a comedy series over here called Gavin and Stacey and I have never watched a single episode of it because it has James Corden in it. I was tempted to watch the Friends Reunion but when I found out he was involved I decided against it. 

And of course it goes without saying that any TV programme that involves Piers Morgan will never be shown on my telly box.

5. You're having a lovely dinner party for friends and family.  What will you serve for appetizers, main course and dessert?

Whatever Mrs PM decides to make. If I were the host and she wasn’t around, there would be a good chance that the food would be delivered because what I would serve would be rubbish or perhaps I wouldn’t have the will to spend ages in the kitchen (I can actually cook but I really don’t like to). That said, we have a soup maker so I would have a go at making a soup, followed by either a pasta dish or steak, followed by cheesecake (brought in of course) and some cheese and biscuits with a variety of cheeses from the local cheese shop.

6. Snow storm!  You've got house guests and you're all stuck inside for the night. What do you prepare for dinner.  Will you watch a movie? Which?

See above. I would probably put on a comedy to raise spirits, like Monty Python’s Life of Brian, A Fish Called Wanda or Shaun of the Dead.

7. We are going into New York City for the weekend. Where do you want to go?

I’ve been to New York City twice in my life and I’ve seen quite a few sights, like the Empire State Building, Wall Street and Times Square. If I went again for the day, I know that the city is full of skyscrapers and, being afraid of heights, I would avoid climbing such places. I’ve never really spent that much time in Central Park so I would probably start the day with a walk there, depending on the weather. The first time I was there, I took a boat ride all around Manhattan and I really enjoyed it – I think I would do that again. I would probably go for a walk around Greenwich Village as well. In the evening I would pop to Chinatown for a nice meal to finish off the day.

8. You are going to night school.  They offer courses in writing short stories, painting, piano  or guitar lessons, simple home repairs, baking, and gardening. Which do you pick  (or make up one of your own)  and why?

This is a possibility for me when I retire and I would choose one or more of the following: Piano lessons, Spanish and creative writing. 

9.   Ever been to a Drive In Theatre? Would you like to see Drive In Theatres make a comeback? 

I have been to a Drive-In in Los Angeles way back in 1989, just to cross it off the list of “things to do in America”. What I didn’t realise at the time was that they were fading into obscurity. The people we were staying with had to think about whether there was one in the vicinity. There wasn’t but we found one close enough to make it worthwhile. There were two films on and sadly my ex-wife who was with me at the time did not want to see Star Trek V: The Final Frontier so we had to compromise with Tom Hanks in Turner & Hooch. 

It was a bizarre experience with the sound coming through the hire car’s speakers and I spent a fair amount of time watching the other patrons in their wide variety of cars and vans. I do recall buying a huge bag of popcorn and a giant coke. It was fun in a weird kind of way but I would much rather sit in a proper cinema. 

Still, I crossed it off the list. 

And I think it is probably something that should be left to fade into obscurity as a thing of the past.

10.  Should towns provide community entertainment like bands in the park, fireworks on the 4th, community picnics or is the cost just too much?

Well I wouldn’t have fireworks on the 4th July in the UK because people would walk around with bemused expressions on their faces. However, I would be happy to see bands in the park or community picnics. We do this kind of thing in the UK. In my local neighbourhood we have a an annual festival in one of the local parks and there are quite a few others scattered about the various districts of the city. I’m all for attempts at brining the community together as long as the event isn’t crap (which alas sometimes they are). 

11.  What would you change about your town if you had the power?

I live in the third biggest city in England and it is a city with a lot of satellite towns such as Bolton, Rochdale, Oldham, Altrincham, Bury,  Salford, Wigan, Stockport and Sale and it is easy to get from one place to another with generally excellent public transport. The problem is that this transport mostly goes directly into the city itself and if you want to get from, say Altrincham to Stockport the transport links are not as good. They’re not bad but they could be better. There are apparently steps to improve this. 

12.   How often do you find yourself shopping for groceries?

We typically grocery shop once a week but occasionally we pop to the shop to get something that has run out. 

13. Do you have a favourite night time snack?

Occasionally I have cheese and crackers if I am feeling peckish but it is a rare occurrence really.

14,  Do you buy in bulk and what kinds of tips do you have to save money on grocery shopping?

I don’t really buy in bulk that often but I do say to Mrs PM that for some things it is better to have too much rather than too little. Obviously this doesn’t apply to perishables. 

15. Let's have a picnic in the park.  What foods are we packing and will we cook anything there or is it all prepared ahead of time?

For me a picnic in the park doesn’t really involve cooking things beforehand. I would want to eat snacks, such as sandwiches and crisps (chips in America), with a few other bits of finger food. It would be nice to have a beer or wine too.