Dave Was Here

Welcome to a very sunny and warm South Manchester. Last week I was due to go to a T20 cricket match but the rainy weather ruined it completely resulting in the game being abandoned before a single ball was bowled. I am going to try again today and I hope that I will have more success because the weather is so lovely. Having said that, there is a global IT outage today which has resulted in various worldwide services being affected. It has caused some issues here in the UK but nothing, hopefully that will ruin the cricket. The tram network is moving, my bank appears unaffected and I have cash so keep your fingers crossed. 

Let’s answer some silly questions from Sunday Stealing. 

1.  What would you put in a time capsule?

I have several large time capsules upstairs in my attic. Actually, it is several storage boxes that really should be labelled

“Dave was here (1978)” through to “Dave was here (2023)”

consisting of what a lot of people would call junk. To me, however, it is personal junk and I love it. 

Strictly speaking though, a time capsule is meant to hold present day objects that you bury for somebody in many years’ time to find and get a picture of what life was like way back in 2024, so I couldn’t really put old stuff in there should I create one now. For 2024, I would put in:

Today’s newspaper (sealed), a printout of the journal post I wrote today, a PS4 game I have literally just finished, my work notebook (which I won’t need for much longer), a recent bit of tech (like my old smartphone), a recent boarding pass, a cricket ticket, a photo of myself, Mrs PM and the cats, my old glasses from last year and a polo shirt with my company’s logo emblazoned on it. 

That should do I reckon. 

2.  What’s something you’re really good at?

I’m very good at moaning and ranting but I’ve been trying to mellow over the last year or so. The recent change in UK government will go a long way to helping me achieve this because the Tory party are now, hopefully, a spent force. 

I’m also very good at making certain computers do the right thing. 

3.  What part of society would you like to change?

I am constantly appalled at the unfairness of society. We live in a world where the less-well off are considered inferior to the so-called well off and the mindset of certain people seems to be “who cares?”. If I had any power at all I would like to equalise this a little. 

4.  What have you eaten in the past 24 hours?

Starting from yesterday lunchtime, I have had a salad, a chicken pasta, some flame raisins and almonds, a banana, an apple, a peach, a satsuma, a cheese and ham sandwich, several cups of tea, a mixture of apple and orange juice, a couple of glasses of water and two bottles of Peroni. 

5.  What is an unusual fact about you?

I am terrified of heights but I have visited and climbed some of the tallest structures in the world including the Eiffel Tower in Paris, the Burj Khalifa in Dubai, the Empire State Building in New York, the Transamerica Pyramid in San Francisco, the Oriental Pearl Tower in Shanghai and the CN Tower in Toronto. 

When I say “climbed” I don’t mean that literally; I have just been inside them and been to the top (or as near as possible). 

We are planning to visit Malaysia next year and Mrs PM wants us to climb the Petronas twin towers in Kuala Lumpur but I have already told her that I am not going anywhere near them. 

I’ve also mentioned that I actually did climb the Sydney Harbour Bridge. Never ever again!

6.  Do you collect anything?

I certainly used to but I don’t really collect anything anymore. I used to collect football programmes and beer mats. I am now using Spotify but before that I used to collect CDs. I certainly still have the football programmes and CDs but I threw away the beer mats many years ago. 

I guess electronically, I collect Kindle Books and I have a fair collection of hardback books and non-fiction books that Mrs PM has done her best to wipe out over the years. I have put my foot down though and (before she stamped on it) I managed to persuade her that having a book case with lots of books is actually aesthetically good for the lounge. 

7.  Have you played sports?

My only sport these days is walking.

In the past (and in my youth) I have played football, rugby union, badminton, squash, tennis, basketball, hockey, softball, rounders and cricket. I have jogged, run in cross country races and, as far as athletics is concerned, I was quite good at 100m, 200m, 800m, 1500m, 5000m and 10000m as well as long jump and triple jump.

I’ve tried javelin throwing, shot putt and discus but I was hopeless at them as I was at high jump. 

My best was reserved for middle distance running, where I made the school team. 

I can also swim and have played water polo (but badly). 

8.  What is your favourite blog?

The Plastic Mancunian, of course. 

Only kidding. I haven’t got any real favourites because all the blogs I read are amazing, including all those I read on Sunday Stealing – mainly because it gives me an insight into other places and different lives. A special mention has to go out to my Australian blog buddies, such as Pandora at “Princess Pandora – Queen of Denial” , “Elephant’s Child” and River at “Drifting Through Life” because we have been reading each other’s blogs for a few years now. 

9.  Ketchup vs. mustard?

Ketchup wins hands down because I hate mustard, especially English mustard which is absolutely disgusting.

10.  Do you believe in ghosts or aliens?

I would love for both to exist and I dearly hope they do. 

I wouldn’t say I believe in either because I am one of those people who needs absolute proof. 

I live in a house that is over 120 years old and if ghosts do exist then there must be spectres hovering around the rooms watching me as I go about my business. They probably think I’m really weird but I don’t care. To be honest, if they did make their presence known in a scary way I would be terrified. I would hope that are more like the ghosts in the BBC (and now US) sitcom Ghosts.

As for aliens, I would like them to be like this guy:

rather than this guy.

11. The last movie you saw in a theatre.

I haven’t been to the cinema for a few months. The last movie I saw was this one:

I will probably pop out to see Deadpool and Wolverine when it comes out in a week or two. 

12.  The silliest thing you have done this week.

Sadly, I don’t think I’ve done anything silly apart from cracking the odd joke in a work meeting. I do that occasionally. 

13.  Have you ever done anything illegal?

Some people may say that publishing rubbish and inane posts on a blog is illegal (or at least should be). If so, then guilty as charged. 

14.  What would you wish for right now?

I would love enough money to be able to travel around the world for a year. 

15.  What shoes do you wear the most ?

I guess that would be my trainers (or sneakers in American English), though I do have a great sturdy pair of walking shoes for my daily walk. 

In The Summertime

In the summertime, when the weather is high

You can stretch right up and touch the sky

Welcome to South Manchester in what is supposed to be summertime – but isn’t really. It’s quite cloudy with a bit of sun but we haven’t really had what I would call a typical summer day in the UK apart from a week or two in June. 

We have been told that climate change will bring wetter summers to the UK and based on the washout that was July and August 2023 I think they are right. 

I live in hope though. I will get a taste of summer in mid-August despite the weather in the UK because we will be off to Nice on the south coast of France for Mrs PM’s birthday. And a week after I retire, we will be going to Greece for a week – so it will be hot there.

The theme of this week’s Sunday Stealing is summer so let’s dive in and imagine the weather is fitting of such a post.

1. What is the hottest temperature you've seen this summer so far? 

The highest temperature in Manchester this year was back in June and I think was about 25 degrees Centigrade. Such temperatures are pleasant without being uncomfortable. The highest temperatures we usually see are about 31 degrees Centigrade but the record was smashed two years ago when it reached 38 degrees Centigrade. Mrs PM and I both had Covid-19 which was good thing but I recall our cats being so hot they didn’t know what to do with themselves. The highest ever temperatures I have experienced were 45 degrees Centigrade in Las Vegas and 46 degrees Centigrade in Muscat, Oman. Those temperatures were unbearable and I feel for people who have to endure them.

2. What is your favourite summer beverage?

I usually drink a lot of water in the summer, sometimes flavoured with fruit juice but definitely accompanied by ice cubes.

When it comes to alcoholic drinks, I usually switch from ale to lager as it is more refreshing and usually a lot colder. 

3. Have you seen any fireflies/lightning bugs yet? Cicadas?

We don’t get lightning bugs or cicadas in the UK. However, I have seen both in the past and certainly heard cicadas. Lightning bugs surprised me and at first I didn’t know what they were. We were in Cleveland, Ohio, having an outdoor meal with the family we were staying with when I saw a group of them hovering around in the darkness. The kids were trying to catch them and that’s the first time I heard the term “lightning bug” – I had known them as fireflies but I had no idea why they were called that. 

4. What are the last 3 things you bought online?

The last three things I bought online were purchased about two hours ago. In October I am going to Budapest for a reunion with my old university pals. We’re going for four nights and the flights don’t really fit in with our planned dates, so I had to buy two separate flights with different companies for the outward and return flight. And of course, I booked a hotel room too. 

5. Where do locals go to cool off?

As I hinted above, we don’t really get very hot days in Manchester but when the temperature reaches about 20 degrees Centigrade and the sun comes out we all just go outside and sit in the sun, whether it be the park, countryside, seaside or simply in a pub garden – or in my case, a cricket match. When it gets too hot, people will just go home or back inside the pub. 

6. Where did you buy your last postcard and what was on the pc?

I haven’t bought a postcard for about 40 years. 

7. What's your favourite summertime scent?

I love the smell of the English countryside. When the weather is sunny and warm, there are few things better than going for a walk in and around a small village in the Lake District, Peak District or Cheshire and the country smells are lovely (if you aren’t too close to a farm of course). However, generally, just walking around, you can smell summer flowers and that is also lovely. 

8. What kind of a/c do you have - central, room, fans only, chillers, none and what temperature do you set it to?

We don’t have it because It doesn’t get hot enough to have air conditioning in the UK. 

9. Do you have a summer vacation planned and if so, where are you really going??

As I said above, we are planning to go to Nice in France for four days in August and  then to Greece in late September for a week. 

10. What are your favourite summer activities? 

We go out for walks in the countryside, I tend to watch a few cricket matches and, if we can, we go abroad for a while. But I am equally happy sitting in the garden with a cold drink. 

11.  What's your favourite summertime food?

I eat more salads in the summer but my eating habits don’t change too much. 

12. Did you ever go to summer school?

No. As a kid we used to live next to a park and back then parents used to just send kids out all day. Those days are long gone. 

13. What's your favourite summertime memory?

As a kid, we had a huge heatwave in the UK back in 1976 that lasted for weeks. It was really hot and sunny all the time and it didn’t rain, leading to a water shortage in the UK as a whole. Despite that, as young teenagers, we spent loads of time having fun outdoors, with water pistols etc, as well as eating loads of ice cream and ice lollies. 

As an adult, I tend to go abroad and the biggest holidays I had that have great memories are a four and a half week trip to the US, two interrail trips to Europe lasting about three weeks each, a visit to Japan and a “Planes, trains and automobiles” trip around China. 

Every holiday is brilliant though. 

14. Do you like fireworks?

I used to like them as a kid. Today I’m quite ambivalent about them. 

15. How do you feel about the longer days of summer?

I love the longer days of summer. It’s great when it is still light at 9:30pm and at 4am. I especially like going for my daily walks at 6:30 am with the sun shining and nobody else around apart from dog walkers and joggers. I feel like I’ve got the whole world to myself. 

Sadly we are in July so the days are getting shorter – but it’s still good for now. 

A Few More Favourites

 

Welcome to a sunny South Manchester. This time, politically, the sun is shining on the UK because after 14 years of incompetence and lies, the Conservatives have finally been turfed out and the Labour Party won. 

Our new PM is Sir Keir Starmer. Hopefully now, instead of Broken Britain we will have a government that cares about the people rather than self-interest and self-aggrandising bunch of grifters and arses. 

Several cabinet ministers lost their constituencies but the two that made me smile most are the haunted Victoria pencil, Jacob-Rees Mogg and Liz Truss, the shortest serving Prime Minister in history who lasted 45 days having crashed the economy in her first budget. 

A Haunted Victoria Pencil

I have to dig this video out again of Liz Truss being utterly useless.

Anyway – enough of that. Let’s have some silly questions from Sunday Stealing: 

1. What's your favourite animal? 

As far as pets are concerned, I am a dog and a cat person. I don’t have a dog but I do have two cats and that is mainly down to Mrs PM. However both of my next door neighbours have dogs as does my eldest son so they help fill the dog-shaped hole in my life. 

2. What's your favourite book? 

I don’t really have one in particular but I can list a couple that I really like:

The Necroscope Saga by Brian Lumley – I really should reread this vampiric horror novels again.

The Dark – James Herbert – a really scary horror story by an English master. 

The Stand by Stephen King – a post-apocalyptic masterpiece from Mr King.

The Bourne Ultimatum – Robert Ludlum – the final Bourne book that Robert Ludlum wrote. 

The Matarese Circle – Robert Ludlum – a one-off novel that is amazing.

Recursion – Blake Crouch – a mind-bending sci-fi novel.

The Night’s Dawn Trilogy – Peter F. Hamilton – a space opera spread over three huge novels.

Matter – Iain M. Banks – a wonderful sci-fi novel.

3. What's your favourite colour? 

That would be teal. We now have two teal sofas in our back room (the one I am currently typing in). They are gorgeous.

4. What's your favourite dessert? 

I am not really a dessert person. I usually opt for cheese and biscuits as a post-dinner treat. If forced to choose I would probably go for chocolate brownies, lemon sorbet or chocolate ice cream.

5. What's your favourite drink? 

My favourite day to day drink is tea. My alcoholic drink of choice is a decent ale like Timothy Taylor’s Landlord. 

6. What's your favourite food? 

The list is too great. But I love Indian, Chinese, Mexican and Italian food – in fact most food apart from Thai.

7. What's your favourite hobby? 

I have three current favourite hobbies. I am currently learning Spanish and brushing up on French for a trip to Nice in August. I also write nonsense on a daily basis and am trying my best to learn the piano.

8. What's your favourite movie? 

There are too many movies to single out just one. I love the Marvel Cinematic Universe movies and sci-fi epics like Inception as well as quirky films like Inglorious Basterds, The Warriors and the Matrix. 

9. What's your favourite restaurant? 

There are a few restaurants I go to quite often. These include the Yang Sing and Little Yand Sing in Manchester as well as our local Nepalese restaurant. But I’m not that fussy.

10. What's your favourite sandwich? 

Ham, cheese and salad with mayonnaise. 

11. What's your favourite season? 

Definitely summer. We are in summer at the moment and so far it’s been a little disappointing. I’m hoping that things improve in July and August. 

12. What's your favourite series? 

I have too many to mention. I would say that a recent favourite is The Boys and there is a new series currently on Amazon Prime. It’s violent, funny and contains one of my favourite villains called Homelander who is like an evil Superman.

13. What's your favourite snack? 

Cheese on toast.

14. What's your favourite sport to watch? 

Definitely football (or soccer in American). We are currently in between seasons but I am currently enjoying the European Championships which reaches its quarter final stage this weekend and, remarkably, England are somehow still in the competition. 

15. What's your favourite thing to have for breakfast?

I usually have fruit for breakfast but I treat myself to an omelette at the weekend. 

Welcome Druids

 

Welcome to a sunny and warm South Manchester on the longest day of the year. The sun rose at 4:40 am this morning and will set at 21:41 this evening. Realistically it will won’t get dark until after 10pm tonight.

Maybe summer will finally be here now, given the that so far June has been a bit dodgy at best.

Last weekend I saw the Foo Fighters at Old Trafford Cricket Ground and there was a threat of rain all day. Thankfully, we avoided the rain, although it was pretty dull at times with thick grey cloud threatening to unleash it’s contents all over us.

In other news, I can confirm that I am finally going to retire this year. I handed my notice in back in April and will quit forever in the middle of September, marking exactly 40 years of working in IT (almost to the day). I can’t wait. I’ve had enough now and it is time to move on and start doing fun things.

It’s been a blast but enough is enough.

I will have more time to write gibberish on this blog so watch out for much more amateurish, inane drivel.

In the meantime, I will continue to answer silly questions from Sunday Stealing and here are today’s offerings.

1. Are you double jointed?

No thank goodness. I am squeamish about many things and double jointed people are one of those things. I hate it when double jointed people say, “Hey Dave – look what I can do!” before contorting their limbs into unfeasible shapes. The effect is always the same for me and is similar to drinking a pint of brine and then sticking my fingers down my throat.

If you are double jointed, please do me a favour. Demonstrate your amazing contortion skills to people who won’t be hit by a tsunami of nausea when you bend yourself out of shape.

Thank you.

2. Are you ticklish?

I am a little ticklish but I’m not going to tell you where (in case you feel the need to find out whether I am lying). Mrs PM on the other hand is ticklish absolutely everywhere and I sometimes delight into trying to find places where she isn’t ticklish. Sadly, I am usually rewarded with a thump somewhere (deservedly so) and I tend not to do it these days.

3. Cookies, cakes, or donuts?

I like all three but I don’t eat them that much.

In the UK, “cookies” are called biscuits and we have so many varieties around that it is difficult to select my favourites. One of the reasons we don’t buy them is because they wouldn’t last five minutes in our house. We do get them in the office occasionally and they don’t last long there either.

I like most cakes but my favourite is Black Forest Gateau. We had a huge one at Christmas maybe two or three years ago and the day after, I realised (with mock horror) that it had to be eaten in three days. Mrs PM couldn’t eat it because she has a bad reaction to some of the ingredients. I decided to be brave and rid our house of this thing before it expired. It was hard work and a dirty job – but someone had to do it.

Donuts are lovely too but I only eat them at work when somebody is kind enough to bring them in.

4. Did you go to prom?

We didn’t used to have proms in the UK but recently (within the last ten or so years)  these things have started happening here.

Why? I don’t know. It’s yet another element of American culture that we seem to be adopting – like Hallowe’en. It’s probably due to corporations trying to take our money by making us pay for stuff we don’t need.

We could do without it if you want my honest opinion.

Nevertheless, when I was at university we used to go to “balls” and big events involving meals, dancing and alcohol. I think I went to quite a few on occasion as a guest of a lady. They were fun.

5. Do you bite your nails?

No. Biting nails is one of the many things that make my teeth itch. Other things like scraping finger nails down a blackboard or intertwining two forks have the same effect.

6. Do you enjoy dancing?

I used to – and sometimes I still do if the opportunity arises. I’ve danced to all manner of songs in my time but probably the most embarrassing is this one.

I was at a wedding and Mrs PM was demanding that I dance with her. I stalled for a while but then reluctantly I said “I’ll dance to the next one!”

“You promise?” she said.

“Yes.”

“Whatever it is?”

“Yes”

The end of the song was arriving and she grabbed my hand and hauled me up to the dance floor in preparation. This was the song.

All of the men, without exception, left the dance floor and I was left dancing to the song with about thirty women, all of them were singing the lyrics out loud, with some of them singing directly at me, including Mrs PM. When it was all over, I left the dance floor and a lot of people were sniggering, and, yes, one of those people was Mrs PM.

It was difficult to live it down.

7. Do you forgive easily?

I try not to bear grudges. I think it’s unhealthy and helps to nurture resentment. Life is too short for that and the older I get the easier it is.

8. Do you prefer to bathe or shower?

I much prefer a shower. It is quick and refreshing and is an essential contributor to my morning ritual. Also, when we are on holiday and walking in the heat, there is nothing better than returning back to the hotel and cooling off with a cold shower (not too cold but cold enough not to be painful).  

9. Does your name have any special meaning?

My name is Dave (or David if you prefer – I don’t but some Dave’s like it). It comes from Hebrew and means “beloved”. When I was at Catholic junior school we spent a lot of time studying the Bible and the story of David and Goliath was one of my favourites – mainly because he had my name.

10. Have you ever gone camping?

Not really. I camped in a friend’s back garden once, and I didn’t really enjoy it if I’m honest.

11. Have you ever won something?

Yes. I won a disco compilation album when I was 13. I have won a lot of raffles over the years too with prizes ranging from a cake to a fishing kit. I’ve also won a few prizes at school.

More recently, I have won one-off work awards for (apparently) “going above and beyond the call of duty”. I must admit that I don’t like such awards because I think they are unfair.

My biggest claim to fame was that I won the Football Pools and the National Lottery in the same week. The Football Pools involves predicting the scores of several football games and the prize can be in the millions of pounds. Similarly in the National Lottery you can win obscene amounts of cash.

My prizes?

£10 on the National Lottery and £15 on the Football Pools.

That’s all. Obviously I’m in Lady Luck’s little black book of naughty boys!

12. What did you last eat?

I had a chicken salad for lunch.

13. What's your longest relationship so far?

That would be with Mrs PM. We have been together now for almost 26 years. That’s a long time for a woman to put up with me.

14. Have you ever been on a diet?

I’ve tried a couple of times to just remove a few excess pounds. I’m not fat at all but I am a little overweight. I don’t need to lose much to fit into the recommended BMI range. When I was younger I was a skinny little runt and although I did a lot of exercise, I was actually underweight. All that changed when I hit 45 and since then I have discovered that weight doesn’t drop off easily and you simply can’t eat as much food as you did when you were 18.

To be honest, for the past few years, I’ve been trying to eat sensibly and that seems to keep my weight under control. That’s why I tend not to eat cakes, biscuits, chocolate and other food that piles on the pounds. I sometimes fail though, especially on holiday and at Christmas.

15. Do you enjoy DIY or crafts?

Not at all. When it comes to crafts, I have zero creativity. I can barely tie my own shoelaces.

I have some DIY skills though. I can paint, build furniture (from places like IKEA), I can put up shelves and I dabble with electrical stuff like light fittings and things like that. Usually when it comes to DIY I look to see if I can do it and then if I can’t I get a man in. I would never touch things like plumbing or build anything out of brick for example.

I am not this guy.

Do I like DIY?

Absolutely not. I hate it.

Darkness

Welcome to a dull and cloudy South Manchester. It’s windy and the threat of rain hangs in the air. Has summer arrived yet?

The UK election trundles on with claims, counter claims and, in some cases, total lies. I am already sick of it and we have to wait another couple of weeks before it is all over. It’s going to be painful.

Here are some more silly questions from Sunday Stealing. 

1.  Are you afraid of the dark?

I have been in the past, but only when I’ve watched something scary on TV. When thoughts about the scary programme or film fade from my memory my fear of the dark fades with it. Some of the programmes that have triggered my scotophobia are:

• Dracula – a British horror film made in 1958, starring Christopher Lee as the count.

• The Exorcist – still to this date the scariest film I have ever seen.

• Salem’s Lot – a made for TV miniseries based on the Stephen King book and starring David Soul.

• Paranormal Activity – a found footage film about a supernatural entity in a young couple’s house.

• Rec – a Spanish horror film about something horrible hiding in an apartment block.

These days I am totally fine in the dark – unless I hear a strange noise …

2.  Can you curl your tongue?

Yes I can. Is that a weird thing to do?

3.  Can you wiggle your ears?

No I can’t. Is that weird? 

4.  Did you ever participate in a talent show?

Absolutely not. I have no talent whatsoever. 

5.  Do you have any piercings or tattoos?

Not one. The thought of having a piercing or a tattoo makes me cringe. 

6.  Do you prefer Mac or PC?

I prefer a PC because I have been using them for work for over thirty years and I am very familiar with Windows and how it has evolved since its inception. I’ve hear good things about Macs but I tend not to buy Apple products as they are overpriced.

7.  Do you still have our wisdom teeth?

Yes – but the haven’t emerged yet. One of them is parallel to my jawbone and hasn’t moved at all. My dentist says that I will probably know when and if it decides to move but says there is no need to take any action at the moment. 

8.  Do you watch cartoons?

The only cartoon I watch these days is The Simpsons but I don’t watch it on a regular basis. 

9.  Have you ever been hospitalized?

No, thank goodness. I hate hospitals. 

10. Have you had braces?

I assume you mean for my teeth (as opposed to the things that are meant to keep trousers up). The answer is yes – I have had two. The first one was to straighten my back teeth and wasn’t actually visible. But it was painful and I hated it. The second one was to straighten my front teeth and that was clearly visible and very uncomfortable.

11. Were you ever a Girl or Boy Scout? (Or a brownie)

No. That was a privilege I never had. 

12. What is one food you refuse to eat?

Rhubarb. I hate the stuff. It makes me physically sick and I feel quite nauseous just thinking about it. How anybody can stomach rhubarb is beyond me. 

13. What's the most expensive item of clothing that you own?

That’s a good question. It is probably my black tie suit. Quite a few years ago now, I went to a black tie event and hired one but then a couple of more came up so I decided to splash out and buy one, to save money. I’ve had it a while now and, incredibly, it still fits me. 

14. What's your favourite foreign food?

The best food I have eaten on my travels is Chinese food in China itself. The Chinese eat a lot of bizarre food but as long as you know what you are eating it is incredible. I was working there and we were taken to lunch in what looked like a cheap restaurant and, as the guest, I was asked to select the food for everyone. The strange thing was that this wasn’t from the menu itself. I was taken into the kitchen and asked to select the food. I had no clue what I was doing and I turned to my host and said “I have no idea what to pick.” He asked me what I didn’t like and I told him that I didn’t want any insects (which they do eat) or any “delicacies”, i.e. anything strange. In the end, we selected traditional meats such as pork, chicken and beef with his choice of vegetables and rice etc. He walked over to two chefs who were slaving over a couple of huge woks and told them. 

When the food came I was a little worried but I needn’t have been. We had loads of delicious dishes that were simply amazing. And because the owner of the restaurant wasn’t used to Westerners, he came out and asked me directly if I had enjoyed the food (via my colleague as an interpreter). I had nothing but praise. 

And I can say with my hand on my heart, all the trips I have had to China (about seven in total) the food is the best bit. It is not like the Chinese food you get in the UK – it is so much better. 

15. Who's your favourite fictional character?

That’s a good question. I like Jason Bourne from the original Robert Ludlum books. I would recommend all three books, even if you have seen the movies, because they are different stories and so much better (even though I love the movies too). 

 I also like Harry Keough, the protagonist in Brian Lumley’s Necroscope series of books. Harry Keough can communicate with the dead and learns things from them, giving him ultimately, the ability to teleport. And he needs of these abilities because he ends up fighting the most horrific vampires ever created. 

Still Swapping

Welcome to a pleasant South Manchester. The sun is shining and the sky is blue but peppered with white clouds. The forecast is good for the next week or so too. Maybe summer is arriving finally.

It’s election time in the UK and on July 4th we get to hopefully vote out the Conservative Party that has slowly decayed this country for the past fourteen years. Knowing my luck, they will somehow manage to wangle their way into the hearts of the nation again. I sincerely hope not. On 5th July we may welcome a brand new Prime Minister with a new party in power.

Talking of elections, this morning’s news mentioned that Donald Trump has been found guilty on 34 counts of falsifying business records to cover up an affair with a porn star. It doesn’t amaze me that he is claiming that this is an elaborate political plot to undermine his presidential campaign – that’s what he does because he lives in Cloud Cuckoo land. What does amaze me is that he can still stand for president with a criminal record – and that there are people who will still vote for him. 

What a choice Americans have – two octogenarians, one of whom is as mad as a bag of badgers and one who looks like he will keel over at any moment. 

This year will be interesting.

Shall we answer some silly questions from Sunday Stealing? 

1. If you like art, who is your favourite artist and why?

I generally don’t like art. I think most contemporary art is just rubbish and I avoid such museums because I can’t bring myself to see huge slabs of vomit hanging from the wall and being talked about by pseudo-intellectuals who claim to “get it” and then start to talk gibberish about what the “artist” had in mind when he was painting it. I suspect that the “artist” in many cases was either very intoxicated or under the influence of a very strong hallucinogenic drug. 

The art I do like is the older normal stuff, like landscape paintings from Turner or Constable. Things like this from Turner:

Or this from Constable:

I have to shout out to Bob Ross, who I have watched painting mini masterpieces on The Joy of Painting. I first watched this programme a couple of years ago and I was absolutely fascinated with what he was doing. His voice was so relaxing as he talked us through how he was achieving the effects he was creating. I was mesmerised and I still watch the odd programme when I spot in the TV listings. 

I am going to go for it. Bob Ross is my favourite artist, because I have watched in awe as he has painted some wonderful landscapes purely from his own imagination. And he was brilliant at describing how he does it. 

2. If you were able to learn any three skills or talents instantly and with success, what would they be? 

I would want to be able to play the piano like Jordan Rudess. 

I would want to be able to play guitar like Joe Satriani:

I would also want to be able to be a brilliant writer of novels. 

I can dream, can’t I?

3. If you were to live in Ancient Times, where - in what country - would you want to live in?

I would choose ancient Rome. At school I learned Latin for five years – I used to be able to speak it and read it – it didn’t help me much because nobody speaks Latin apart from a few weird scholars. Latin certainly helped learning other languages, specifically German where the grammar elements are similar. 

However, one unintended benefit was to learn about Roman culture and I was fascinated by it. The course we did was based around a Roman family living in Pompeii in the weeks leading up to the eruption of Vesuvius. We were told about Roman customs, lifestyle and basically how advanced they were. They certainly stamped their authority on England and even today you can see what they left behind in various places like Chester, York and quite a few places besides those. 

Here is Monty Python’s view on what the Romans gave us all:

Apparently you can learn Latin on Duolingo. I might try to refresh my knowledge when I retire. 

4. What is something you’re embarrassed to admit to liking? Whether it be a guilty pleasure show, or unusual hobby, etc.

I don’t believe in guilty pleasures. If you like it you like it. Why feel guilty about it?

We have a daytime TV show in the UK called “Homes Under the Hammer” where people buy houses at an auction, houses that are typically in a bad state, and then transform them and either sell them, rent them or move in. It has many things I hate about daytime TV but there is something about it that I like and when I catch it on TV, I usually get sucked in and end up watching it. 

And people laugh when I tell them. Why? It’s a great show. I guess that is a “guilty pleasure” – as is this song, which is not something you would associate with a prog-loving metalhead. I don’t care – I love it.

5. What is the worst job you’ve ever had?

Probably doing the night shift from 10pm until 6pm at an edible oil manufacturing plant on Liverpool docks in the middle of winter. The things you get to do as an IT engineer are amazing but can be quite taxing.

6. What is something that you wanted to do as a child that you would still like to do now?

I always wanted to be in a rock band and part of me still does. The problem is I can’t play any instruments well enough and my singing voice has been likened to a cat being strangled. 

7. What do you hate being judged for more than anything else?

When I am tired or I need some alone-time, there have been times when people have had a go at me for not wanting to go out and do something exciting. I do love going out and socialising or doing other thigs with mates but there are times when I just want to be at home in my own space doing mundane things like watching TV or reading. People should respect that – I know I try to.

8. What is your life’s mission?

At the moment it is to retire and pursue hobbies that I actually enjoy. I am sick of work now and I want more free time for my own selfish purposes. It’s happening very soon. 

9. If everyone walked around wearing warning labels, what would yours say?

Weirdo. 

I know people don’t think that I am weird, but I can be – and I think everyone should embrace their inner weirdo. I know I do. 

10. At what age did you first feel like you were an adult?

At the age of 19 when I left home to go to university. I think while I lived with my parents I was still dependent on them and, because I didn’t have a full time job (I was still at school) I felt like a child.  When I left home, I was on my own. I had to look after my own money, shop and cook for myself and basically, looking back, I felt that my three years at university were kind of like a job. So much changed during those three years and I feel that I actually grew up and stopped being the obnoxious little git that I had been up to that moment. 

11. When did you not speak up, but wish you had?

There have been many occasions during my working life when I have had to bite my tongue when dealing with co-workers, managers and customers. More recently, in the past ten or fifteen years, I have definitely changed in that regard. And now as the end of my career approaches, I speak my mind more than I ever have – basically because I no longer care. It’s kind of liberating, actually. 

12. What is something that makes your skin crawl?

Insects and spiders. I am not afraid of insects at all but I really don’t like them. If I catch one crawling on me I become animated trying to rid myself of the six-legged beast. Worse are spiders.

Have you ever walked through a spider’s web? There are few things worse than trying to pull the web off your face and what invariably happens is that you take the spider with it, which means that later you discover a spider crawling on your neck. Yeeeeeuuuuurrrrrggggggghhhhhhh!

13. What was the last thing to give you butterflies in your stomach?

I went to see my current favourite band last week in Manchester city centre. That band are called Riverside and they are a Polish progressive rock band. They were supported by a French rock band called Klone who I have also seen before and they too are amazing. 

Here are Klone (this song is simply beautiful):

And here are Riverside:

14. What's your favourite type of media to work with? (Paint, clay, pens etc.)

I am a terrible artist. I like to write but I do so on my laptop rather than using pens. If pushed I would say pens. 

15. What question do you hate answering?

This one. 

Also, “When are you going to grow up?”

Swap Shop

Welcome to a rainy South Manchester. I’ve been away for the past couple of weekends. First we stayed at a lodge in Cheshire near to Delamere Forest with some friends from Chester and for the past two weekends we have travelled to and from Menorca, an island off the east coast of Spain.

It was nice to get away and especially nice to go back to Spain (my second trip of the year). We stayed in Ciutadella on the west coast of the island, which is the former capital and a traditional small Spanish city with an old town and lots of lovely old buildings. Best of all, Menorca is a quiet island and the number of British tourists was small, which allowed us to immerse ourselves in Spanish culture and also practice my poor Spanish. I’m quite pleased that I actually managed to crack two jokes in Spanish on the spur of the moment and make two people laugh. I think (hope) they were laughing at my joke but it is possible they were laughing at my poor Spanish. 

I like to think they weren’t. 

Let’s answer some silly questions from Sunday Stealing.

1. Have you ever been stung or bitten by an animal?

I’ve never been stung by an animal but I have been bitten more times than I can recall. I am usually a target for gnats, which are tiny biting insects in the UK and I find myself constantly trying to avoid bigger biting insects abroad. This sadly means that I have to wear mosquito repellent in such places and, not to put to fine a point on it, the stuff bloody well stinks. Mosquitos tend to appear at dusk and in the past, that has been the time I have been going out to eat and have fun, something that doesn’t appeal when you stink of mozzy repellent. No wonder mozzies are repelled by it. 

In the past I have been bitten by dogs, which is very unpleasant, but only once or twice. 

And of course, cats have bitten me. Anyone who has read this blog a few years ago will have heard tales of my psycho cat, called Liquorice, a mad cat that we took from our friends who were moving abroad. She was lovely but she had a fiery temper and attacked everybody. She used to sit on my knee and I dare not touch her in case she suddenly turned on me. 

2. Do you have a favourite bird? Do you feed the birds at your house or park?

I don’t really have a favourite bird. Parrots are fun and peacocks are nice but they’re not really something I think about. 

3. What is the last thing you said to somebody before replying to this email?

“Do you want a cup of tea?” 

4. How do you get yourself ready to sleep at night?

I usually just read my book until I start to doze off. 

5. When was the last time you wrote a proper letter?

Define a “proper letter”. 

The last letter I wrote was to a solicitor about my sister’s flat that we are currently selling. 

The last letter I wrote to a friend was about seven years ago. I had lost touch with an old university friend and after trying to search for him on social media I couldn’t find him – hardly surprising because he has a very common name. The last time I had seen him was about twelve years earlier and we were trying to organise a university reunion (our first for five years). I had his previous home address and his phone number but the number was no longer valid. So I wrote to his address with my contact details. It turns out that he had moved house but the new occupants had his new address and forwarded my letter to him. And we had our reunion – we have had one every year since. Our next one is in October in Budapest, Hungary.

6. What is the worst injury you have ever sustained?

I’ve never really been injured. When I was at school, I was often battered and bruised after playing rugby – a great game to watch but a dreadful game to play in. I had a hockey ball smashed at my shin from point blank range as a kid too and that stopped me from playing sports for about two weeks – it really bloody hurt. 

As an adult, I have twisted my ankle playing football and running.

Thankfully, I have never broken any bones. Please don’t let that happen to me now I’ve said this. 

7. If you could choose your career based strictly on what you think would be fun instead of your qualifications/salary/etc., what would it be?

I would be a travel writer. This would combine my love of travel with my inept but enjoyable attempts at writing. 

8. You can live on another planet, which one and why?

It would have to be one that Star Trek classed as a class M planet because otherwise I would probably not be able to survive. If I were Superman I would probably choose Saturn or one of its moons because the night sky would be incredible.

9. What is your favourite flavour of ice cream?

I don’t eat ice cream much – though I did have some in Menorca. The favourite one I have had recently is Häagen-Dazs Cookie and Cream. We’re going to Nice in France in summer and in the old town there is an ice cream shop that sells the best ice cream ever (well it is close to Italy). I will definitely try a few of them there. 

10. What do you think of tattoos? Do you have any?

I don’t have any tattoos because when my sagging skin sags more, the tattoos will sag with it. Also I don’t fancy sitting there for hours while they are applied to my skin. 

I am happy for people to have them but not so much on the face or all over their body. I have a friend who is gradually adding really elaborate tattoos to his back, chest, arms and legs and his latest one is very artistic (as are the rest). Not for me though. 

11. Are you very active or do you prefer to just relax in your free time?

I like to balance being active and relaxing. On our recent holiday, we had breakfast and then spent the entire morning until early afternoon exploring or going for a long walk. After lunch we would continue for a short while and then spend a couple of hours relaxing. 

12. If you could bring back one TV show that was cancelled, which one would you bring back?

Probably Babylon 5 – but there are rumours that it is returning in one form or another. 

13. Do you prefer to watch movies in the theatre or in the comfort of your own home?

It depends on the film. If it is a huge blockbuster then I love going to the cinema to watch it because you feel like you are immersed in the story completely. Otherwise I am happy to watch them at home. 

14. If you opened a restaurant, what kind of food would you serve?

Given that I hate cooking, the chances of me opening a restaurant are almost non-existent. However, if I were expected to cook it would just be simple food like a Sunday lunch. If I were allowed to hire a chef I would go for Chinese or Indian. 

15. What do you think is a common thing that is shared between countries despite language barriers?

Football. Most nations on the planet love it, even America (where it is much less popular and is known by the word “soccer”). The World Cup is a major event which occurs every four years. This summer it is the turn of the European Nations cup which is in Germany. It starts in June and I will watch as many matches as I can for four weeks. 

COME ON ENGLAND!!!