Blog Survey

Today, I was going to steal another meme from Sunday Stealing but it was the third part of a massive 100 question effort. Laziness prevailed and I decided against it.

Instead, I found a blog survey, courtesy of Comedy Plus and decided to steal that instead.

Here we go:

1. If you have pets, do you see them as merely animals, or are they members of your family?

We have two black cats, a male called Jasper and a female called Poppy. They are brother and sister and are almost nine years old. Jasper is an enormous greedy monster who can barely crowbar himself through the cat flap; Poppy lives in a constant state of terror and is frightened of everything – including herself.

Mrs PM thinks of them as “her babies” so I guess that makes them part of the family. I know for a fact that I am the fourth most important creature in our house, behind Mrs PM and the cats. In fact, the cats rule, jointly and we are merely slaves, pampering them, feeding them and serving their every desire.

Who said that the world is dominated by mankind? If our house is anything to go by we live in a feline dominated world, with humans being merely subservient serfs.

I know my place.

2. If you can have a dream to come true, what would it be?

My dream is to escape the rat race and become a totally free agent. I hate being tied to “the man” and forced to answer his every whim simply to survive. There is nothing better than leaving work on a Friday knowing that I have two days free of this dreadful form of modern servitude. Of course, if you read my answer to question one, you will realise that the cats are my real masters; but I can cope with that. After all, I am bigger than they are and there are only two of them (unless you count Jasper as three cats – which you could quite easily do if you were very short sighted and saw him from a distance).

3. What is the one thing most hated by you?

Liars and selfish deceivers who twist the facts for their own gain. You see it every day when a politician blatantly tells lies on the TV in front of millions of people. And it’s not just politicians. You see it in the world of business, celebrity and other walks of life.

Crikey, I sound bitter, don’t I? I’m not really – I just like everything to be honest. And the world is not an honest place – and that bugs me.

4. What would you do with a billion dollars?

I would go to America because you can’t spend dollars in England.

Actually, I would take a year out and travel first class to as many weird and wonderful countries as I could and I would write about my experiences. I would, of course, make sure that loved ones were looked after and I would probably become some kind of weird philanthropist simply because a billion dollars is much more than I could ever conceivably spend.

I would also build a monstrous castle by the sea, somewhere near to Manchester, and live there in luxury.

I might also buy a few properties abroad.

Stupidly (and hypocritically) I would also buy Walsall Football Club and make sure that they won the Premiership.

5. What helps to pull you out of a bad mood?

That depends. Most of the time, it is the mere sight and sound of my beloved Mrs PM. However, if Mrs PM is the source of my bad mood, then I find beer and loud rock music blast away the negativity. Or something that makes me laugh, like a good bit of comedy.

6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?

That’s a difficult one. There is no better feeling than loving someone but you need to be loved to fully appreciate the experience. I would therefore say both.

7. What is your bedtime routine?

Turn off the TV. Make sure that the front and back doors are both locked. Tell Jasper to look after the house while I am asleep (difficult because he is asleep too – usually on the bed). Turn on the burglar alarm by stroking it fondly. Go to the toilet. Clean my teeth. Get undressed. Get into bed. Get out of bed and go back into the bathroom because I forgot to flush the toilet. Go back into the bedroom. Take off my glasses. Set the alarm. Wind up Mrs PM using a variety of irritating techniques. Get into bed. Read my book. Switch off the light. Go to sleep. Have weird dreams.

8. If you are currently in a relationship, how did you meet your partner?

I met Mrs PM at work and we worked together for a few months before we went to Hong Kong on a business trip together. That was around twelve years ago. We don’t work together any more.

9. If you could watch a creative person in the act of the creative process, who would it be? 

I would watch Geddy Lee, Neil Peart and Alex Lifeson at work composing the next Rush song.

10. What kinds of books do you read?

I love a good novel, particularly a decent horror story, a magnificent space opera, a good comedy, a Robert Ludlum-style thriller or anything that is weird.

11. How would you see yourself in ten years time?

I would love to have finished work and be enjoying the freedom I crave. In reality, I will be older and fatter and those grey flecks will have invaded more of my hair.

And I will probably still be working.

12. What’s your fear?

I am scared of heights and spiders. I am also terrified of Chinese toilets and public speaking – particularly when the two are combined.

13. Would you give up all junk food for the rest of your life for the opportunity to visit outer space?

I would love to see Earth from space but the prerequisites for space travel scare me to death. So, no – I would not give up junk food for a trip to space.

14. Would you rather be single and rich or married, but poor?

Ideally, I would like to be married and rich – but failing that, married and poor.

15. What’s the first thing you do when you wake up?

Open my eyes. Look at the alarm clock. Howl in anguish. Get up and head for the bathroom. Weigh myself. Howl in anguish. Get undressed. Go to the toilet. Weigh myself again in the hope that a full bladder and my T-shirt account for the extra pounds. Howl in anguish. Have a shower. Weigh myself for a third time to see if any dirt that might have accumulated and has now been washed off by the shower might account for the extra pounds. Howl in anguish. Leave the bathroom depressed and head back to the bedroom totally possessed by the grumpy monster within.

16. If you could change one thing about your spouse/partner what would it be?

I’ve said this before and I shall say it again. I would annihilate her musical taste and replace it with my own. I love music but the stuff she listens to (and forces me to listen to) is utterly dreadful.

Apart from that, she’s perfect.

17. If you could pick a new name for yourself, what would it be?

Clint Ironheart.

18. Would you forgive and forget no matter how horrible a thing that special someone has done?

It depends what the person did. However, I doubt they would be special any more.

19. If you could only eat one thing for the next 6 months, what would it be?

Cheese on toast.

Sunday Stealing - Clown's Meme

In between posts again so I thought I’d have a go at another Sunday Stealing Meme. Since I missed last week’s effort, I am doing this long two part meme in one go. Call me crazy if you like but that’s the kind of guy I am.

Here goes:

1. How old will you be in five years?

I will be the grand old age of 52. I’m an old git now so by then I’ll be past caring. In fact, with any luck I will have forgotten how old I am.

2. Who did you spend at least two hours with today?

Mrs PM and our big fat cat. Oh – and my “on call” phone which means I can’t do anything exciting this weekend.

3. How tall are you?

Around 5ft 11 inches – unless I wear platform shoes in which case I grow to well over six feet tall.

4. What do you look forward to most in the next six weeks?

If you said “12 weeks” I would say my holiday. But since the next six weeks are likely to be quite tedious I will say a rock concert (I’m off to see “Airbourne”) and the end of winter.

5. What’s the last movie you saw?

At the cinema, “Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief” – a Harry Potter style fantasy that my 14 year old lad quite enjoyed. I merely switched off my brain, stopped picking holes in the plot and watched it with a huge bag of popcorn. Actually, it was quite good – for a teenager’s film.

On the TV, it was “Signs” that creepy alien film by M Night Shylaman. I was on my own because Mrs PM had chickened out in favour of bed. As I said, quite creepy, but Jasper, the cat, held my hand, digging his claws in so that I didn’t run away.

6. Who was the last person you called?

A friend who we are supposed to be going on holiday with in September.

7. Who was the last person to call you?

A friend who we are supposed to be going on holiday with in September.

8. What was the last text message you received?

A voice mail from a friend who we are supposed to be going on holiday with in September.

9. Who was the last person to leave you a voicemail?

A friend who we are supposed to be going on holiday with in September. This is getting tedious now.

10. Do you prefer to call or text?

I am old fashioned and prefer to hear the sound of a voice. Call me weird but “textspeak” is not only lazy, it is totally incomprehensible. I mean, what does this mean?
“c u l8r xxx”

11. What were you doing at 12am last night?

Watching “Signs” while being protected by my big fat cat.

12. Are your parents married/separated/divorced?

My parents were married right up until the time my father died in 1981.

13. When is the last time you saw your mom?

I saw her at Christmas. I really should visit her more.

14. What color are your eyes?

My eyes are a “sexy” blue, so Mrs PM says. In fact most people say that too.

15. What time did you wake up today?

I woke up at 0745, which is bloody annoying considering I wanted a lie in. Why is that at the weekend, when you don’t have to set the alarm clock for an ungodly hour, that your body clock decides to boot you awake at an ungodly hour? I mean come on – it is just not bloody fair is it? I’ll try again tomorrow.

16. What are you wearing right now?

A spacesuit. I’m still spooked by “Signs”.

Not really – I’m wearing a pair of jeans, a pair of socks, a pair of underpants, a T shirt and a jumper.

17. What is your favorite Christmas song?

“Fairytale of new York” by the Pogues and Kirsty MacColl.

18. Where is your favorite place to be?

Sitting in a bar in Lan Kwai Fong, Hong Kong, watching the world go by.

19. Where is your least favorite place to be?

Sitting at my desk in the office at 0730 on a Monday morning.

20. Where would you go if you could go anywhere?

I would go to Tokyo. I am aiming to go there within the next ten years, funds permitting of course. I will keep an eye on the lottery draw tonight because if I win that I will be on my way on Monday morning.

21. Where do you think you’ll be in 10 years?

I imagine that I will be in a pub with all the other old gits, moaning about the state of Britain. Hopefully I will be traveling around the world or finishing off my fifth novel.

22. Do you tan or burn?

I absolutely fry. I become “The Incredible Red Melting Man”. Read about it here.

23. What did you fear was going to get you at night as a child?

I thought that Count Dracula was going to burst into my room, drain me of all my blood and leave lying there looking even more deathly white than I usually do. I wouldn’t have minded had it been a sexy female vampire though.

24. What was the last thing that really made you laugh?

I laugh a lot but the last belly laugh was “Mock The Week” on Thursday night. I love that programme.

25. How many TVs do you have in your house?

Three – one in the lounge for TV obviously, one in the back room for games and DVDs and one in the second of our three bedrooms.

26. How big is your bed?

It is a massive bed, so big that it needs a Satellite Navigation System to find my way out.

No – not really. It’s a King size (mainly to allow our big fat cat to sleep on there).

27. Do you have a laptop or desktop computer?

I have both – a clapped out old desktop with a proper keyboard that I use to write and listen to music, and a fairly new laptop to allow Mrs PM to use when I am hogging the desktop (though occasionally we swap – just for variety).

29. What color are your sheets?

At this precise moment they are red. Don’t ask me why – Mrs PM loves red and purple.

30. How many pillows do you sleep with?

I sleep with one foam pillow that stops me from waking up with a stiff neck and walking around like a robot for the rest of the week.

31. What is your favorite season?

Summer, without a doubt.

32. What do you like about Autumn?

I love the colour of the leaves on the trees. I also like the fact that in the first part of Autumn, the temperature is still quite pleasant.

33. What do you like about winter?

The end of it.

34. What do you like about the summer?

Summer in the UK is perfect (as long as the rain stays away). It is just the right temperature and the countryside is wonderful.

35. What do you like about spring?

The fact that winter has ended and it will soon be summer.

36. How many states provinces have you lived in?

I’ve never lived in a state. I’ve been to quite a few of the American states, including Florida, California, New York, New Jersey, Massachusetts, Nevada, Ohio, Oklahoma, Louisiana, Washington DC, Georgia and later this year I will be going to Alaska and Washington state.

In the UK, I have lived in the West Midlands, Merseyside, Cheshire and Greater Manchester.

37. What cities/towns have you lived in?

I was born in Walsall, moved to Liverpool in 1981, moved to Manchester in 1984, moved to Altrincham ( a small town near Manchester) in 1986 and then back to Manchester in 1998.

38. Do you prefer shoes, socks, or bare feet?

Shoes definitely. The thought of treading in a fouls substance in socks or bare feet makes me feel quite ill.

39. Are you a social person?

I am very social once I can conquer the initial shyness that threatens to stop me from walking into new situations. It is a constant battle but I usually prevail.

40. What was the last thing you ate?

Fish and chips.

41. What is your favorite restaurant?

Café Deco on Victoria Peak in Hong Kong.

42. What is your favorite ice cream?

I don’t really like ice cream but if I must eat it, I usually scoff Häagen-Dazs Chocolate Chip Cookie.

43. What is your favorite dessert?

I don’t really eat dessert but if I must, it is usually mince pie (only at Christmas).

44. What is your favorite kind of soup?

Chicken and mushroom.

45. What kind of jelly do you like on your PB & J sandwich?

Jelly? On a sandwich? That’s bloody weird!!!!!! It must have been written by an American.

46. Do you like Chinese food?

I love Chinese food.

47. Do you like coffee?

I prefer tea and therefore drink very little coffee. When I do drink coffee, I become so wired that I run around like a man on a video tape being fast-forwarded – that’s when I come down from the ceiling.

48. How many glasses of water, a day, do you drink on average?

At work I usually have several but at home just one or two.

49. What do you drink in the morning?

Half a bottle of vodka.

No – just kidding – a huge mug of tea and a glass of grapefruit juice.

50. What non-banking related card in your wallet is the most valuable to you?

My Waterstone’s loyalty card. I read a lot of books.

51. Do you sleep on a certain side of the bed?

Yes – the side that Mrs PM does not like sleeping on (currently the left side of the bed – but it changes when we stay in a hotel. I’ve never understood women).

52. Do you know how to play poker?

I know how to lose badly at poker – that’s why I never play it.

53. Do you like to cuddle?

Of course. I love to cuddle Mrs PM but, when drunk, I will cuddle anybody and anything, particularly lamp posts.

54. Have you ever been to Canada?

Yes – twice. I went to Toronto both times and managed to sneak away from work and visit Niagara Falls. It is one of the most amazing experiences of my life. I am off there again soon but this time heading over to Vancouver.

55. Do you have an addictive personality?

Not really.

56. Do you eat out or at home more often?

We eat at home mostly but try to eat out on Friday nights.

57. What do you miss about highschool, if anything?

I miss absolutely nothing about school. It was ritual torture and humiliation and all teachers without exception are sadistic bullies who don’t like to be called names by anarchistic children like me.

58. Do you know anyone with the same birthday as you?

No.

59. Do you want kids?

I already have two kids.

60. Do you speak any other languages?

I speak a little German, a little bit more French and one or two choice phrases in Spanish, Dutch, Portuguese, Russian, Mandarin and Cantonese.

61. Have you ever gotten stitches?

Only once.

62. Have you ever ridden in an ambulance?

I’ve never ridden in an ambulance and have no desire to do so.

63. Do you prefer an ocean or a pool?

An ocean – I love the sea.

64. Do you prefer a window seat or an aisle seat?

I prefer an aisle seat; that way I can nip to the toilet without disturbing people.

65. Do you know how to drive stick?

I presume you are not talking about a broomstick because the answer would be “no”.

In the UK we learn to drive with a gear stick and, since 95% of our cars have gear sticks, the answer is a resounding “yes”.

66. What is your favorite thing to spend money on?

Electronic gadgets, music and books.

That was too bloody long - normal service will be resumed soon.

Sunday Stealing: The Negativity Meme

Regular readers will know that I can be a grumpy old so and so. However, I do try to be positive about life and see the best in everything. Yet sometimes there are times when I simply love to dive into negativity and let rip. It is good for the soul.

This week’s Sunday Stealing Meme is the “Negativity Meme” and I want to take the opportunity to have a good grump.

I apologise in advance for the negativity but, as I said, it can be therapeutic.

Feel free to have a go here.

Foods which disgust the crap out of me:

Surprisingly there aren’t many. I am adventurous when it comes to food. However, there are foodstuffs that make me feel physically ill.

Top of the pile is rhubarb. This foodstuff, in my opinion, is not meant to be eaten. It should be buried alive.

Other things that turn my stomach are:

Apricots, prunes, damsons, parsnips, liver, Angel Delight, lemon grass, celery, figs, dates, caviar (don’t be fooled – it tastes like crap).

TV show I loathe:

Where to begin:

Soap operas, most reality TV shows, anything created by Simon Cowell, totally unfunny situation comedies, any shows involving psychics, Saturday night light entertainment, daytime talk shows, any confrontational shows like the Jeremy Kyle show, anything involving a stupid studio audience.

Movie I loathe:

I particularly hate movies that are overrated and lead me to see them out of curiosity only to discover that they are in fact dreadful. “Dead Poet’s Society” is a prime example of this.

I am sick to death of endless romantic comedy after endless romantic comedy.

“Legally Blonde” is possibly the worst movie I have seen and it was a long time before I dared watch anything with Reese Witherspoon in it again.

I hate those “High School Musical” type movies and anything that is a “period drama” that travels along at the pace of a snail with no point to it whatsoever.

I love a good horror film but those gory plot-less slash movies bore me senseless.

A special mention has to go to “Independence Day”. I love science fiction but this film is dreadful. It has so many plot holes that I am amazed you can actually find a plot at all. And it is full of the kind of American patriotism that drives me insane with rage – the mere name alone irks me. And what of the British in this cowpat of a film? After the Americans come up with a plot to “save the world”, the scene switches to the desert where two British officers are told the plan. In their greatest plum-mouthed British accent they say something like “Oh I say. It’s about time those Yanks came up with a plan.”

And what’s the plan? To infect an alien space ship with a HUMAN COMPUTER VIRUS!!

I could go on about it all day. It is dreadful, absolutely dreadful!

Music genres I loathe:

R’n’B, Hip Hop (particularly the kind where rappers like 50 Cent basically say how rich, macho and wonderful they are), any crap supported by Louis Walsh or Simon Cowell, opera, easy listening and modern jazz (where a group of, say, four talented musicians play four completely different songs at the same time), country and western music and that happy clappy modern religious nonsense.

Magazine which annoys me:

Celebrity magazines like “Hello!” and “OK” where these people pay humungous sums of money to already rich celebrities (most of whom are talentless and do absolutely nothing) so that people can see their bloody weddings, houses and bling.

In fact any “celebrity” promoting magazines should be stopped – immediately.


Makes me cranky at restaurant:

Bad food, cold food, pretentious food, not enough food, overpriced food.

Waiters that are rude, waiters that cannot be summoned even if you go and grab them.


Makes me cranky in public:


The constant bad weather in England in the winter makes me as cranky as hell. When it rains, and it is grey and miserable, my mood degenerates and I slump from A to B like I have the world on my shoulders.

Also, loud, obnoxious egotistical arses who shout about the place bring the worst out in me.


Makes me cranky in general:

The news is a good source of crankiness as is work. Bad drivers make me want to blow up cars.
Loud drunks who invade my space and gob in my face when talking to me.

Pisses me off at home:

Cold callers who want to sell me something on the phone.

Charity workers who call at my house at least once a month telling me that I am a selfish buffoon for not choosing their charity above others.

Also, people who try to sell me things at my door.

Running out of things pushes all sorts of cranky buttons as does day old washing up.

The cats are fine – except when they steal food and scratch the furniture.

Pisses me off at work:

I can’t say because people from work read this blog. But they know what pisses me off.

Pisses me off in general:

The fact that I HAVE to work.

Makes me impatient at home:

Cooking. I want to cook in two minutes but it always takes bloody ages.

Makes me impatient at work:

Everything.

Makes me impatient in public:

Waiting in a queue when at the front of the queue is the most stupid person in the world. For example, when waiting to buy a ticket at a train station, I expect to buy a ticket whereas some idiots say things like “When is the next train to London?” It’s the bloody ticket queue not information!!!

Driving in congestion makes me extremely impatient and I become a new more monstrous version of myself screaming at anybody who hinders my journey in any way whatsoever.

Celebrity I hate:

So many – but mainly those who are famous for nothing. Here are a few:

Jordan, Simon Cowell, Jeremy Kyle, Piers Morgan, Kilroy-Silk, Louis Walsh, Paris Hilton, Vanessa Feltz, Noel Edmonds, Chris Moyles, Danny Baker, Pete Doherty, Naomi Campbell, Britney Spears, Sir Cliff Richard, Mariah Carey, Victoria Beckham, Diego Maradona, Gary Neville

That should do for now.

Music artist I hate:

Kanye West – not only for his music but for his arrogance.

50 Cent makes me feel violent.

I could care less about:

Global warming because the evidence presented to us makes us believe that the world is about to end – and that it is our fault when there is evidence to the contrary that never gets broadcast.

Politics annoys me to death and if I could do I would remove all politicians because they are lying, insincere crooks.

Annoys the crap out of me weekdays:

Work.

Annoys the crap out of me weekends:

Being on call.

Blogger's habit that annoys you:

I read a lot of blogs written by people who share every detail of a night out including pictures of their food – all three courses ordered by all members of their entourage.

Marekting blogs that claim to make me a better blogger while at the same time offering to make me rich beyond my wildest dreams.

People who write in text speak, like “Had a gud nite wiv mates. Here’s Doppy actin mad xxxxx”

People who take photos and them splatter their blog name right across the centre of the photograph.

Feature on your blog you hate:

The writing.

Movie star you despise:

I don’t hate any personally but I will say Matthew McConaughy because every single film I have ever seen him in has been dreadful.

Politician that you hate:

That's easy - Maggie Thatcher.

Sunday Stealing - Trivia About Me Meme

I thought I'd try my hand at stealing yet another meme today. Feel free to have a go yourself here

Opening…

Do you get regular massages?

Mrs PM has given me a massage, once. I don’t really fancy the idea of a stranger beating me up in the name of relaxation.

Do you have an answering machine?

Yes I do. Sadly, it is full of cold call messages: “Hello! HELLOOOO!!! Is anybody there?”

What cuss word do you use the most?

Sadly it is not repeatable on this post. I do occasionally say “Shazbot!” in a vague geeky attempt at humour but sadly it usually ends up with people taking the piss.

Are you underweight or overweight?

I am slightly overweight – I’m not too bad and I think with a month or two exercising and avoiding crap food I can lose enough to say “Bang on target”.

Can you see your veins?

I can indeed. Do you want me to say “Hello” to them for you?

Favorite…

Soap?

I don’t watch soaps any more (assuming you are talking about soap operas instead of the stuff I use to vaporise dirt).

Fruit?

Granny Smith apples or grapefruit.

Kind of red meat?

Pork.

Fish?

Salmon.

Candy bar?

Mars Bar.

Have You Ever…

Eaten a whole bag of potato chips?

Yes. What’s worse is the fact that I have eaten a whole tube of sour cream and onion Pringles. I love them but I can tell you from experience that if you eat a whole tube then you will feel sick.

Eaten lobster?

Yes – and it is overrated. I don’t see the appeal at all, particularly given its price.

Climbed a mountain?

If you count Mount Snowden in Wales as a mountain then the answer is yes. I didn’t get to the top though (and I was much younger and fitter).

Been skydiving?

I’m scared of heights so what do you think?

Been water skiing?
Oh yes. I wouldn’t call what I did “water skiing as such”. Is there a name for being dragged around by a speed boat swallowing the as much of the Mediterranean Sea as possible in five minutes? That’s what I did. And the swines on the boat left me in the water; I had to swim to my lost skis and then back to the shore with them. Don’t think I’ll try it again.

Do You…

Wish you could change something about your life?

Yes. I want to break the shackles of the rat race and become a free spirit. I’m looking at the Lottery for guidance.

Like your nose?

I’ve got a squashy nose that looks a bit weird – so I guess the answer is yes. I won’t resort to plastic surgery though (see my previous post).

Like salt and vinegar chips?

No. Cheese and Onion – or Sour Cream and Onion for me.

Eat salsa?

Occasionally, yes.

Own a boat?

I can build one out of paper – and it floats. I don’t own a real boat though.

What Is…

A small thing that people let slide but that actually has dire consequences?
Probably smoking.

Your most macho trait?

Everything! I am sex on a stick!

The longest relationship you’ve ever had?

My current relationship with Mrs PM.

Your most embarrassing thoughts?

I quite fancy Davina McCall. That is wrong – but so right!

Your most shameful moment?

Too many to mention, sadly. How about admitting that I fancy Davina McCall to the world?

This/That…

Bath/Shower?

Shower – though a bath can be very relaxing.

Markers/Crayons?

Markers

Pens/Pencils?

Pens.

Jelly/Cream Cheese?

Cream cheese.

Bagel/Toast?

Toast – I only eat bagels rarely when I skim across the pond to the US.

Finish…

My greatest weakness is…

Beer

I wish I was…

18 again with my life’s experience so far (and with 10 million pounds in my pocket).

Three things I wouldn’t do for a million dollars are…

Eat rhubarb; Sky dive; kill anybody.

The oddest thing I’ve ever put in my mouth is…

Hedgehog flavoured crisps.

Firsts…

Credit card you had?

Barlaycard

Loan you got was for?

Covering the cost of spending too much money when I was a student.

Paycheck was for how much?

£10 – when I was a paper boy.

Time you had stitches?
I had a benign growth removed from my back when I was 21.

Time you went to the hospital for something?

To have the benign growth removed.

Lasts…

List everything you ate in the last 24 hours?

A couple of cups of tea, bacon and egg, several glasses of water, a cup of coffee, a homemade chicken pasta dish, a couple of chocolates.

Last thing you used a credit card for?

Buying a holiday for Mrs PM’s 40th birthday trip. We are off to Iceland in August.

What was your job previous to the one you have now?

Postman.

Last thing you celebrated?

New Year

Last time you were at a sports bar?

Sometime before Christmas, watching a football match.

Sunday Stealing - The Magical Mystery Tour Meme

Thanks to my friend and fellow Manchester blogger, Mark (from
An Eerie Tapestry) I have decided to become a thief on Sunday and steal a meme. Anyway, you too can play here if you like - it's a bit of fun, anyway.

1. Is there anybody you just wish would fall off the planet?

Too many to mention. Here are a few: Simon Cowell and anybody to do with X Factor, Anybody with anything to do with Strictly Come Dancing, Jeremy Kyle, 50 Cent, George W Bush, Margaret Thatcher, Katie Price (aka Jordan), Paris Hilton, Britney Spears, Chris Moyles, Timmy Mallet, Ant and Dec, Boris Johnson, Naomi Campbell, Mariah Carey, Jamie Oliver, Anthony Worral Thompson, Anybody who has been a contestant on Big Brother or any other reality TV show, Ashley Cole, Cristiano Ronaldo, Diego Maradona, Alan Hansen, Clive Tyldesley

I think I’d better stop there.

2. How do you flush the toilet in public?

Bizarre question. I prefer not to allow the public into the toilet while I’m using it to be honest. Call me weird but that’s the way I think.

3. Do you wear your seatbelt in the car?

Yes I do. I would be arrested if I didn’t and that’s something I’m not willing to do.

4. Do you have a crush on someone?

Of course - Mrs PM.

5. Name one thing you worry about running out of.

Toilet paper.

6. What famous person do you (or other people) think you resemble?

The Milky Bar Kid or Joe 90 or anybody with blonde hair and glasses.

7. What is your favourite pizza topping?

Pepperami and as many different kinds of cheese as you can cram onto the top of the pizza without gluing it to the hotplate.

8. Do you crack your knuckles?

No. That is one of the most irritating habits on the planet. I hate it when people do that.

9. What song do you hate the most?

Too many to mention. At the moment, anything in the categories: rap, r’n’b, boy bands, girl bands, jazz or dance music. That’s a start at least. Oh and anything by Mariah Carey.

10. Did just mentioning that song make it get stuck in your head?

Nope. I am listening to “Under a Glass Moon” by Dream Theater so that is firmly entrenched in my head.

11. What are your super powers?

I can read minds - particularly those who read my blog posts.

12. Peppermint or spearmint?

Spearmint.

13. Where are your car keys?

Next to me on the desk (where they always are).

14. Last song you listened to?

“Pull Me Under” by Dream Theater (“Under a Glass Moon” is still playing).

15. What's your most annoying habit?

Ranting.

16. Where did you last go on vacation?

Boston and Cape Cod in the good old US of A.

17. What is your best physical feature?

Asking me that is like trying to find a diamond in a pile of elephant droppings. I would probably say my blue eyes, although certain crazy women appear to like my bum for some reason.

18. What CD is closest to you right now?

“Images and Words” by Dream Theater

19. What 3 things can always be found in your refrigerator?

Cheese, milk and grapefruit juice.

20. What superstition do you believe/practice?

None – it’s all a bunch of bunkum.

21. What colour are your bed sheets?

At the moment, red.

22. Would you rather be a fish or a bird?

A bird - which is a bit weird considering I’m scared of heights – but I would hope that the ability to fly would put paid to that.

23. Last thing you broke?

I can’t remember. Watch me break something now.

24. What are you having to eat tonight?

Pork chops.

25. What colour shirt are you wearing?

Red.

26. If you could be doing anything else today, what would you rather be doing?

I would rather be on holiday somewhere exotic.

27. Do security cameras make you nervous?

No – my ugly face usually inflicts severe damage to them.

28. If you wrote a book about your life, what would the title be?

The Mancunian Candidate

29. Last time you went to a cemetery?

In Boston, we visited the Copps Hill Burial Ground. Lots of intersting old graves dating from the 17th century.

30. Last concert you went to?

Steel Panther at the Manchester Academy.

31. Favourite musician(s)/bands you've seen in concert?

Rush, Metallica, Rammstein, Foo Fighters, Nine Inch Nails, Deep Purple, AC/DC, Judas Priest, Thunder, The Widhearts, Queen – too many others to mention.

32. Next concert you're planning to attend?

Rammstein at the Manchester Evening News Arena in February.

33. Do you talk to yourself?

No – but I talk to the cats. They are the only ones who listen to me. Actually, even the cats don’t listen to me.

34. Have you ever adopted or purchased a pet?

Yes. Jasper and Poppy were acquired from the Cats Protection League as kittens.

35. Have you ever been present when an animal is being born?

No.

Random Questions

I’ve just come across a blog with a load of random questions, presumably answered by the author at the request of somebody else.

I have decided to steal these questions shamefully, ruthlessly and with no remorse whatsoever and answer them myself. Why? Because I thought it might be a bit of a laugh.

Here goes:

Just drank 15 shots, what would you be doing?
I would be lying on the floor telling anybody who would listen that I loved them. Then I would probably fall unconscious.

Do you hate the last person you kissed?
Nope. I don’t kiss people I hate.

Ever licked someone's cheek or forehead?
Yes and unfortunately I still bear the scars.

When did you last throw up and where?
It was in Blackpool last summer. I was at a 30th birthday party and had been feeling off-colour all day. The party was good but I ate and drank virtually nothing. I arrived back at Mrs PM’s father’s house just in time to throw up in the bathroom. I spent the entire night doing the same and had to miss a cricket test match at Old Trafford the next day. I was most disappointed.

Have you ever flown on an airplane?
Hundreds of times.

What do you carry with you at all times?
My wallet, credit cards, keys and mobile phone.

What happened at 9:00 am today?
I was reading through a pile of emails.

Are you mean?
I can be sometimes.

Ever have a sleepover with the opposite sex?
Of course - Mrs PM is the opposite sex.

What was the last song you listened to?
Nazareth – Please Don’t Judas Me. Listen to it here ==> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Um6bP1TeuQU

Do you and your parents get along?
My dad died when I was 19. I get on reasonably well with my mother.

Do you wanna tell someone how you feel?
I always tell people how I feel – that’s why I am accused of being a ranting old grump.

Have you ever kissed anyone whose name started with a J?
Yes.

What holiday is your birthday closest to?
Hallowe’en. Says a lot really.

How many different things did you drink today?
Four. Tea, decaffeinated coffee, grapefruit juice and fizzy grapefruit flavoured water.

Do you think you've changed over the past year?
Yes, definitely. The older I get, the grumpier I get but I am becoming far more confident. Beware my 50th birthday in three and a half year’s time. I will be unbearable.

Who is the last person to send you a message?
A mate asking if I wanted to see a rock band at a pub.

How old do you think you'll be when you have kids?
I have two kids already.

Do you think you'll be married in 5 years?
No. I’ve been there, done that, written about it, bought the T shirt, paid the price. I'm happy as I am.

Are you waiting for something?
Yes – that elusive lottery win so that I can leave the rat race and travel the world.

Were you happy when you woke up today?
On a Monday? Not bloody likely.

If you could change your eye color, would you?
No – Mrs PM likes my blue eyes.

What were you doing at 8 am this morning?
Driving to work.

Do you like to have long hair or short hair?
Short at the moment.

Do you want a different hair style?
Bloody Hell – YES. In fact, I want a complete hair transplant. I would shave the whole lot off if Mrs PM would let me.

What was the last thing you hid?
Cat food from Jasper, our bear-sized cat. He is on a diet.

Name 3 emotions at this exact moment:
Happiness, frustration, love.

Have you ever intentionally made someone jealous?
No. I couldn’t do that.

Do you spend a lot of time with your parents?
Not nearly enough.

Do you flip your pillow to the cold side?
No.

Do you sleep with one leg out from under the covers?
When Mrs PM steals the duvet, yes.

What woke you up this morning?
Radio Five Live news at 7:00 on the clock radio alarm.

How many times have you eaten sushi?
Probably about ten times. It’s OK but overrated.

What made your day today?
Watching the finale of the current season of Lost. It’s been one of those sad days...

What's something you are looking forward to in the near future?
A weekend in Amsterdam in June.

This time last year, were you single?
No.

Are you a big fan of thunderstorms?
I love them. Next time I see one, I intend to try photographing lightning.

Do you ever think "what if" about anything?
All the time.

Who was the last person of the opposite sex you had a conversation with?
Mrs PM.

Do you think relationships are hard?
Not at all.

Has someone of the opposite sex ever told you they loved you, and meant it?
Yes. A couple of times.

Do you say hello daily?
Many times.

Are you good at giving directions?
I like to think so. Other people disagree.

If something was wrong, who is the first boy you would go to?
No idea. It depends what is wrong.

Who is the first girl you'd go to?
Mrs PM or, failing that, one of my sisters.

Do you always answer your texts?
No. I am often told off for it.

Did you sleep in past noon today?
No.

Talked to an ex lately?
I speak to the ex-wife fairly regularly.

Do you want someone back in your life?
I’ve lost touch with a few people over the years due to my own inability to make an effort. It would be nice to see some old mates again.

Is anything annoying you right now?
Yes. British politicians claiming inappropriate and possibly illegal expenses (see my previous post).

Is this summer gonna be a good one?
It had better be – I’m sick of rain.

Are you satisfied with what you currently have in life?
Yes – apart from not having millions of pounds.

Have you ever skipped school just because you were tired?
No. I was a swot really.

Anything you would change about your life right now?
Thousands of little things but the only major thing would be a massive injection of cash from those lottery people.

Would you ever date someone who thought they knew EVERYTHING?
No. I don’t like know-it-alls.

What do the majority of people in your life call you?
Dave (or “Arse”)!

Are you texting or IMing anyone right now?
No.

When is your pet's birthday?
Apparently two have birthdays in March and we haven’t a clue about Spike the old cuckoo-cat.

The phone rings, what is your ringtone?
The Immigrant Song by Led Zeppelin. Listen to it here ==>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c05E6kyHu8E

Did you go anywhere yesterday?
Yes – Tesco for the weekly shop and a curry with the in-laws.

Last time you talked to your mom?
On her birthday last week.

Where's the last place you walked to?
Apart from tramping around work today, I walked to the Indian Restaurant yesterday.

Last time you had a sleepover?
Last week – I was on a business trip to Zurich.

Do you speak another language other than English?
A little German and a little more French (see the last but one post)

What did you do last night?
Had a curry.

Whats on your schedule for tomorrow?
Work again, sadly!

Whats on your bed right now?
Jasper – he’s a lazy fat cat.

You're thinking about someone, aren't you?
At this precise moment? Myself.

That was a minor diversion from my usual nonsensical drivel. Feel free to follow my example and steal the questions for yourself. Just don’t grass me up.