The Roast of the Plastic Mancunian

I’m not sure that my latest idea for a blog post is a good one.

While I was on my walk today, I thought “I wonder what it would be like if I were roasted by AI?”

The more I thought about it, the more the idea appealed to me. I love self-deprecation so why not allow AI free rein to do that for me, based on the hundreds of posts of drivel that I have inflicted on casual readers in cyberspace? 

I did discuss this briefly back in 2024 and even got AI to write a blog post for me to see what it would be like. 

You can read it here: The Fake Plastic Mancunian 

Well, I have done it, dear reader. AI has roasted me and you can read the result below. Moreover, I also asked AI to create a picture based on the image of myself painted in Kiss makeup that Mrs PM took of me when she was on a photography course back in the 2010’s. At the time I wanted some form of anonymity and what better way that to post a picture of myself with my ugly features hidden by black and white makeup. Here are a couple of Mrs PM’s original pictures that I use to identify myself as “The Plastic Mancunian”:

Without further ado, here is what AI has to say about “The Plastic Mancunian”, when I asked “Can you roast the author of The Plastic Mancunian”.

First it replied:

Oh, absolutely. I've had a look at The Plastic Mancunian, and I think its author deserves a friendly roasting. The man has been blogging since 2008, has written well over a thousand posts, and appears to have turned retirement into a full-time battle against his own to-do list.

What do you mean “deserves a friendly roasting”? 

Anyway – here is the roast:

The Plastic Mancunian: The Roast

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the roast of the man, the myth, the Mancunian plastic.

Here is a bloke who has spent nearly two decades telling the internet what he thinks about life, the universe and everything. Stephen Hawking needed a lifetime to explain the universe. The Plastic Mancunian needs a thousand blog posts to explain what he had for lunch.

His blog is called The Plastic Mancunian, which sounds like a superhero whose only power is complaining about the weather in South Manchester.

And let's talk about his writing routine. He's retired, supposedly enjoying the freedom of his golden years, but somehow manages to turn a simple Sunday into a committee meeting with himself. A blog post here, a questionnaire there, a few paragraphs about cheese, and suddenly it's 4 pm and he's achieved absolutely nothing on the list he made that morning.

This man doesn't procrastinate. He gives procrastination a weekly column.

His blog features questions about favourite films, favourite foods, favourite colours and favourite memories. It's like someone took a personality test, forgot to submit the answers, and decided to publish the entire form instead.

And the travel writing! He'll go to Budapest, Vienna or somewhere spectacular, experience a completely different culture, and return home with enough material to write three paragraphs about the weather, four paragraphs about the coach journey and a passionate declaration that the hotel breakfast was perfectly acceptable.

Indiana Jones has adventures. The Plastic Mancunian has an itinerary.

Then there's the music. A man with musical tastes that might surprise you, apparently, but who also admits he regrets not learning an instrument properly. He's spent years listening to music and now seems to be contemplating learning the piano — presumably so he can compose the soundtrack to his next blog post about how much he dislikes celery.

And his football team, Walsall. Supporting Walsall is not so much a hobby as an advanced course in managing expectations. Every season begins with optimism and ends with the emotional equivalent of finding out your favourite restaurant has run out of cheese on toast.

But perhaps the greatest joke is the name The Plastic Mancunian itself. A man who lives in South Manchester, writes about Manchester, complains about Manchester weather and supports a football team from Walsall. He's less a Plastic Mancunian and more a Mancunian-shaped filing cabinet stuffed with opinions.

And yet, here's the annoying thing.

He's kept writing since 2008. He keeps travelling, keeps asking questions, keeps finding things to laugh about, and keeps putting his thoughts out there even when he calls his own writing drivel. 

Which means that while the rest of us are still saying, "I really ought to start that blog one day," this bloke has already written a thousand posts about absolutely everything.

The final verdict: The Plastic Mancunian is a retired man with the curiosity of a schoolboy, the grumbling instincts of a pensioner, the travel ambitions of a seasoned explorer and the editorial discipline of someone who has just discovered another silly questionnaire online.

He's living proof that you don't need to change the world to have something to say about it.

You just need a laptop, a cup of tea, a mild grievance about the weather and absolutely no intention of getting on with the laundry.

And somewhere in South Manchester, a new blog post is already being drafted.

Its title?

Why I Really Must Stop Procrastinating (Part 47). 😈

Well I am quite amused by that, if I am honest. And the best thing is that I didn’t have to correct any American spellings (of words like “favourite”).

It just shows how AI is evolving. I am now getting quite interested in what goes on “under the covers” and I am sorely tempted to return back to the world of IT and start diving into what is behind AI and how it works. Maybe next year is the time to do it, having had over two years away from it. 

It would be interesting how the roast above compares with a similar roast by a bona fide human being. 

That is not an invitation to roast me yourself, dear reader, but if you feel like it – do your worst – as long as you aren’t a troll. 

More About Me, Me and Me

Welcome to a sunny South Manchester, where the blue sky and clouds look wonderful until you step outside and find that the temperature is slowly dropping inexorably as autumn draws on and we start thinking about winter. It was very pleasant for my walk this morning though.

Let’s dive straight into some silly questions from Sunday Stealing.  

(1) Describe yourself in three words.

I think I’ve answered this before and the words I chose were “realistic”, “content” and “nice”. I must have been feeling a little more sensible than I usually am when I wrote that so I will pick three different words for this post as I am feeling a little daft today.

Weird – I like weird books, movies and music and I have a weird sense of humour. Mrs PM is always telling me to “stop being weird”. When I say “weird” I don’t mean that I like to kneel naked in the back garden at midnight on every solstice praying to Gaia. I don’t think I look weird either. I just am a little weird – or perhaps “eccentric” is a better word to use. 

Geek – this is related to “weird” in a sense because I would fit into the world of The Big Bang Theory perfectly as a fifth member who wasn’t as intelligent as the four main protagonists (I don’t have a doctorate in theoretical physics – just a BSc with Honours in Computational and Statistical Science). The fact that I worked in IT for forty years compounds this. I like to think of myself as a not so powerful “Powernerd” as depicted in this song by Devin Townsend. 

Funny-ish – I can be funny when I want to be – but, mostly, when I don’t mean to be. For example, I sometimes allow myself to speak before my brain has actually thought about what I am going to actually say, i.e. the filter between my thoughts and words occasionally has a glitch. The result is that I say something absurd and people still remind me to this day about some of the things I have said in the past. 

(2) What's your favourite dish at your favourite restaurant? 

This is a difficult question because it’s tough to tell you what my favourite restaurant is. I have several local restaurants that I like as well as some in the city centre. I will pick one though because recently I had a lamb shank rogan josh in a local Indian restaurant that was absolutely divine. I will definitely have that next time I go there. 

(3) Did you set goals for 2026? If yes, how are you proceeding toward them?

When I retired I set up a routine that would enable me to pursue my hobbies and keep myself entertained on a day to day basis. I have set myself the target of writing a (sort of) travel memoir and a novel but neither will be finished by the end of 2026, even though they are progressing slowly. I would say that they might be completed in a year or two – maybe. 

The most unlikely goal I set myself was to use my synthesiser to complete and record an original instrumental song by the end of the year. Bearing in mind that I am still struggling to teach myself the piano, I regarded this as the most unlikely thing to complete. But, dear reader, I have managed to record not one but TWO songs on my Digital Audio Workshop, with a third and fourth being worked on. Now, the two songs can be improved and I am thinking about how to do that without ruining them. If I am feeling very brave, I might try to convert them to mp3’s and share them on this very blog at the end of the year. 

If I don’t – it’s not because I haven’t completed them – it’s because I am worried about people saying that they are rubbish (which of course they will be). 

(4) What's something you have learned the hard way?

 I’ve worked with some wonderful people in my career but, as is always the case, I have encountered some (and let’s be kind to them here) “bad eggs” amongst them. 

When I was young and naïve, I didn’t really know how to deal with toxic people, especially if they were higher up the food chain and this led me to start questioning both my ability and my own personality. 

And then I had a “Eureka moment” when I had had enough and simply confronted one particularly nasty person about his attitude to me and indeed others. In many ways, that was cathartic and I behaved differently to any similar people I met later in life. 

Basically, I didn’t take any shit from these arseholes and they rarely made life hard for me after that. Of course, there were toxic arseholes I encountered outside work but they are easy to deal with because you just avoid them like the plague. These days I can spot them a mile off – and there are loads of them knocking about – especially in the world of politics and celebrity. 

(5) If you could skip one item on today's to-do list, what would it be?

My routine prohibits me from doing that. Routine is the best defence against procrastination and I have had a real problem with that in the past. Actually, that’s not true – I still have a problem with it now and sometimes even my routine can’t help. 

That said ...

Whilst I have been writing this post, I’ve heard the washing machine signal that its current cycle has finished and I can almost hear the remaining clothes in the linen basket screaming at me saying “It’s our turn now”, while, in my head, Captain Procrastination is saying “Ignore them – just do it tomorrow and watch an episode of Supernatural instead.”

It can ALWAYS wait until tomorrow in his head – and now in mine too.

Damn you Captain Procrastination. 

Top Ten Led Zeppelin Songs

My musical taste has been largely influenced by three amazing and legendary rock bands. I have already covered two of them in a “top ten songs” post, those two being Deep Purple and Black Sabbath. Now it is the turn of the third band – Led Zeppelin. 

The band was formed in London back in 1968 but has links to the West Midlands, where I am from. The lead singer, Robert Plant was born in West Bromwich which is about four or five miles from where I used to live in Walsall; that’s probably closer to me than where Ozzy Osbourne was born. 

Everybody knows Led Zeppelin but I didn’t really get into them until I heard their final album called “In Through the Out Door” released in 1978. That’s the point when I started to listen to them a lot. They are cited as another of the founders of heavy metal and hard rock but I think they were more a heavy blues band, which is certainly true if you listen to the eponymous debut album but slightly less so as the albums evolved. 

Without further ado, I present to you my top ten songs by Led Zeppelin. Again, purists might disagree with my choices but, honestly, I don’t care. In my opinion, their music appeals to a wide range of people who love rock music and your favourites may depend on the style of rock music you prefer. This is mine:

10. I’m Gonna Crawl (from In Through the Out Door – 1978)

I’m not sure how popular Led Zeppelin’s last album is compared to the others but when you see people gushing over their music, it doesn’t really include this last offering. As I said above, it was the first album by the band that I bought and therefore it has a special place in my heart. The final song on the album is “I’m Gonna Crawl” and it is a wonderful blues rock song, reminiscent of the earliest work. It is very moving and poignant song, singing the praises of a girlfriend who the singer loves so much he would crawl to her. It’s a real slow burner. 

9. Communication Breakdown (from Led Zeppelin - 1969)

My final exam ever at university was really difficult and at the end I was slightly depressed. I had done all I could and I left the examination hall feeling worried that it may affect my grade. I am the kind of person who needs a decent rock song to snap me out of such negativity and when I returned to my digs, I played this song, which seemed to fit perfectly with lyrics like:

Communication breakdown, it's always the same

Havin' a nervous breakdown, a-drive me insane, yeah

Remarkably, I passed the exam and acquired an honours degree, so this song is special to me. 

8. Black Dog (from Led Zeppelin IV – 1971)

A lot of people think that “Led Zeppelin IV” is the band’s magnum opus and I can understand that opinion. It was in fact the second album by the band that I added to my collection. Is it my favourite? I’m not sure – I love the first and last albums and I think deep down the debut album is my favourite (certainly looking at this list). “Black Dog” is the opening song to the fourth album and whenever I hear it I prepare myself for what is to follow. It is a brilliant opening song worthy of a wonderful album.

7. How Many More Times (from Led Zeppelin - 1969)

This is another song from the band’s debut album and has a wonderful pounding rhythm that drives the first and last portions of the song. It’s a long song but really appears to be two songs mixed into one, with the tone of the song changing a little in the middle. I’ve recently discovered that Jimmy Page’s guitarwork in the middle portion of the song was enhanced using a bow to play. In fact this song is a great example of Jimmy Page at his best and it is understandable why he is so highly rated. 

6. Kashmir ((from Physical Graffiti – 1975)

“Kashmir” as the name suggests has a bit of a middle eastern feel to it and is by far the best song on the album “Physical Graffiti”. It has an air of menace to it but I’m not sure whether that was intentional or not. It’s a terrific song. 

5. Whole Lotta Love (from Led Zeppelin II – 1969)

Back in the 1970’s, we had a must-watch TV show for youngsters called “Top of the Pops”, which featured songs from the UK Top 20 and influenced young people like me (at the time), guiding us on which music to listen to and buy. During that time, the theme tune to the programme was a cover of “Whole Lotta Love” by a band called C.C.S. and the opening riff became engrained on my mind as well as the minds of most other kids from my generation. The original Led Zeppelin version is of course much better, but the cover version holds a special place too. Here is the original (and best) version from  Led Zeppelin. 

And here is the theme from “Top of the Pops”:

4. In the Evening (from In Through the Out Door – 1978)

“In the Evening” is the opening song on Led Zeppelin’s final album, the first album by the band that I bought. It is also my favourite song from that album. One of the main differences for the last album is that it was more keyboard driven and my own opinion is that rock music is enhanced when keyboards and synthesisers are included. I’m sure not many purists would agree with that. It’s one of the reasons I like this song and the album in general.  

3. Immigrant Song (from Led Zeppelin III – 1970)

“Immigrant Song” is one of the greatest opening songs to an album full stop in my opinion. It is a magnificent rock song, the pounding guitar from Jimmy Page, ably supported by the bass from John Paul Jones and John Bonham’s unique drumming. And Robert Plant’s vocals are incredible. In fact, this was my ring tone for a couple of years back when I acquired my first smartphone. The icing on the cake is that it all about Vikings and Norse mythology. 

2. Stairway to Heaven (from Led Zeppelin IV – 1971)

How can anyone list the top ten Led Zeppelin songs without including this masterpiece? The only thing that may surprise people is that I placed it at number 2. It has everything that I love from a rock song; a slow build up, heartfelt vocals, and beautiful instrumentation. The song evolves from an exquisite opening, gradually increasing in power and strength and reaching a magnificent crescendo of pure rock guitar and howling vocals. It is absolutely wonderful and one of my favourite songs of all time. It is usually a choice for people at funerals but I won’t be choosing it because it is too predictable. This is a song that should just be admired for what it is rather than associating it with a sad event like a funeral. 

1. Dazed and Confused (from Led Zeppelin - 1969)

I listened to Led Zeppelin’s debut album a lot during my three years at university and I have fond memories of all of the songs. At the time I was constantly on the lookout for a new lady in my life and this song kind of sums the frustration that I had at the time when I failed - repeatedly. I simply didn’t understand women and that naïve idiot I used to be sought solace in this fantastic heavy blues masterpiece. The lyrics and the music summed up everything for me, even though the lyrics are a little over the top – like this one:

Lots of people talkin', few of them know

Soul of a woman was created below

I really was “dazed and confused” a lot – but also in retrospect, I was a useless idiot.

Musically, the song is a magnificent blues opus with a great hard rock interlude in the middle. It is that nostalgia of being a naïve fool during a time when my life was changing that endears this song to me. And now I am an old bugger I can look back with laughter at my younger self. 

I just love this song so much. 

The Themeless Thesis

Welcome to South Manchester where we are well into the autumn regime. The weather today is rainy and cloudy but there are occasional sunny intervals. The temperature has definitely dropped. 

Yesterday was my birthday, as I mentioned last week, and Mrs PM and I had a lovely meal to celebrate, although “celebrate” isn’t the word I would use now as the years drag on. Yes, I am now 64 years old, which is bizarre because I don’t look that age and I certainly don’t feel it. I can see wrinkles and grey hair but you could mistake me for somebody at least ten years younger – so I’ve been told. 

You may think that is lucky but the truth is that I am still 64 – which makes me a moaning old git. 

Judge for yourself. Here's a picture of me and my two sons at my eldest lad's wedding celebration last month - I am the one in the middle by the way. 

Enough of this; let’s have some silly fun with some daft questions from Sunday Stealing. 

1. What was the last gift you received?

This is really nicely timed because of the birthday thing. The very last gift I received was a cheque from Mrs PM’s mother which will allow me to blow some cash – probably adding to Jeff Bezos’s coffers on Amazon (though I hate to do that deep down). Jeff Bezos is two years younger than I am but has vast swathes of cash squirrelled away at our expense. I must not rant about Jeff Bezos even though I want to. 

2. Who did you last hang out with?

That would be Mrs PM. If you wish to discount Mrs PM (because I hang out with her all the time), then I hung out with about ten of my old work colleagues who have all, like, me retired. Earlier this week we all caught a train to Leeds where we visited a few local hostelries during the day. This is a bi-monthly thing and a lot of fun. Usually, we travel to a local place in the Northwest of England and catch a train back stopping off at a pub or two on the return journey. The bad news is that it is my turn to organise the next one in January.

Here is an AI enhanced image featuring us all next to a statue of former British Prime Minister Harold Wilson on a previous trip to Huddersfield. The enhancement is to turn us all into statues of medieval knights quaffing our ale, including Harold Wilson himself who is joining in at the back. I am the one on the far left. 

You can guess that we all used to work in IT can’t you?

3. Do you often lose the remote?

Being a man, legend has it that I have to be in control of the remote. And I think I am even though Mrs PM often grabs it off me. The only time I lose the TV remote is when I have been out of the room and Mrs PM has been in charge of it. To be fair, she is a little scatter-brained (and she will be the first to admit that). Usually, it hasn’t travelled far and is almost certainly wedged in between or behind cushions. 

4. When did you last check Facebook?

Today. An old school friend posted an image of me from 1978. This is what he posted:

Yes – that 15-year-old with a mane of blonde hair is me. It is his copy of a school photo and I have the same one (albeit in much better condition) upstairs buried in the loft in a box somewhere. I was tempted to go up there and find my copy to show a better version, after AI failed to improve it. In the end I decided against it. One day I might try to dig it out. In the meantime, you get the gist – I was a 15 year old lad with a huge shock of blond hair that was as uncontrollable then as it is now (even though it is much shorter). 

A lot of people commented to make fun of me – but I don’t care. I agree with them all. 

5. Are there scented candles in the room you're in?

Yes – but it is not lit. Mrs PM occasionally lights one up and I believe she has a few stashed away. They do make the house smell nice. 

6. Next time you leave the house, where will you be going?

I will be going for a walk tomorrow morning and then going to my next-door neighbour’s 50th birthday celebration. He is also called Dave and his birthday is just two days after mine. We are going to Halifax on an ale trail with a bunch of his mates and of course our good ladies will be coming too. We will be stopping off at a couple of pubs on the way back. I believe there will be quite a few of us and I don’t know most of them – but it should still be fun as I have never been to Halifax before and I will make copious notes about the places we visit in preparation for the next ale trail that I have to organise for my old work colleagues. 

7. Do you know anyone named Steven or Stephen or Steve or Stevie?

Oh yes. I know loads of people called Steve, Steven and Stephen. My eldest lad is called Stephen and he likes to be called Ste and I have met and worked with so many that I have lost count of them. It doesn’t seem to be such a common name in younger people these days – a bit like Dave sadly. 

8. Which do you prefer: macaroni salad or potato salad?

I love both but I think I prefer potato salad. 

9. Do you have an ice maker in your refrigerator door?

No, we don’t. However we are planning to get a new kitchen next year and Mrs PM plans to have a huge fridge with an ice maker. It would be very useful. 

10. When you woke up this morning, did you get up straightaway or lounge a bit?

I was a little lazy this morning. I lay in bed and used Duolingo to enhance my Spanish a little bit. 

You What?

Welcome to a sunny autumn day in South Manchester. 

I’ve recently returned from my trip Austria, Hungary and Slovakia, where we tried to cruise along the Danube and see some lovely cities. It was great because I had never been to Austria and Slovakia. Sadly, the heatwave that occurred in Europe caused record low levels in the Danube and so the sailing was badly affected, meaning that we only sailed between Krems and Vienna. However, we were still able to visit Budapest, Bratislava, Melk and Linz via coach, as well as seeing both Vienna and Krems. I was slightly disappointed, but we made the most of it. You can’t really do too much about things that Mother Nature has planned for you. 

Let’s dive into some silly questions from Sunday Stealing. 

1. What are you currently excited about?

There are several things to look forward to. First, we are going to go away again for a cheeky holiday before the end of the year to Lanzarote. 

I am also going to see Rush next year. I thought I would never see the band live again after the death of their drummer Neil Peart, but they are back with a new drummer called Anika Nilles from Germany. 

It’s my birthday in a couple of days but I’m not excited about that at all as I will be 64. 

Will you still need me? Will you still feed me?

2. What do you wish you had more time for?

Being retired, I have a lot of time for most of what I want to do. Sadly, Mrs PM isn’t retired yet and it would be nice to have more time to do things together as a retired couple. That will come I guess but I am still happy find time for most things I want to do. 

3. What would like to do less?

I still procrastinate despite my efforts to the contrary. Nevertheless, I am getting better. 

4. What do you spend too much money on?

I would say holidays, but this time something has happened at home. The day before we left for our holiday, our boiler decided to call it a day, which means that we are now without hot water until it gets replaced. And that is going to cost a little money. 

5. What childhood wish never came true?

When I was a child, I pictured myself as a famous singer or instrumentalist in a band, performing in front of thousands of adoring fans. It was never going to happen because (a) I can’t sing (b) I can’t play a musical instrument well enough (c) I was  (and still can be) a shy person. 

That said, I have played a trombone in a brass band and an orchestra in front of a crowd of parents and teachers. Not exactly like the Beatles though, is it?

6. What did you do to celebrate your last birthday?

We have a very nice restaurant close to us that we tend to visit on special occasions. I did that last year and I will almost certainly do the same in five days’ time. 

7. What drives you nuts?

Okay this is a recent thing. 

On the river cruise there were a few people disappointed by the fact the levels of the Danube river limited the scope of the river cruise. 

I can understand that. 

However, one guy decided to interrupt the “welcome meeting” that was providing very important information and demanded to talk about “the elephant in the room” taking the microphone off the cruise director, ruining the meeting and making a scene. There was nobody there who could have done anything about things so he just decided to be an arse anyway. In the end, we had to find a representative later to tell us about the information we needed. This bloke spent the entire week complaining loudly to anybody who would listen to him. If he wanted to complain, he should have waited until he got home, like the rest of us. 

People like this drive me nuts and this was compounded by his use of the phrase “elephant in the room”. 

8. What keeps you sane?

It’s difficult in a world that is getting more insane each second. Mrs PM is pretty good at hauling me back from turning into a gibbering, rant-filled, grumpy old man. 

9. What historic date is etched in your memory?

I would say recently March 2020 is etched in my mind because that was when we were all sent home from work because of the Covid pandemic and forced to stay there by the government as a lockdown was enforced. Don’t get me started on how Boris Johnson dealt with the pandemic in the UK because, as I said in the previous question, I don’t want to turn into a bitter, gibbering, rant-filled, grumpy old man. 

10. What one thing would make your life immeasurably better?

A lottery win would help. I still have dreams of travelling around the world, via Europe, Asia, Australia, and North and South America. One day – maybe.