The Roast of the Plastic Mancunian

I’m not sure that my latest idea for a blog post is a good one.

While I was on my walk today, I thought “I wonder what it would be like if I were roasted by AI?”

The more I thought about it, the more the idea appealed to me. I love self-deprecation so why not allow AI free rein to do that for me, based on the hundreds of posts of drivel that I have inflicted on casual readers in cyberspace? 

I did discuss this briefly back in 2024 and even got AI to write a blog post for me to see what it would be like. 

You can read it here: The Fake Plastic Mancunian 

Well, I have done it, dear reader. AI has roasted me and you can read the result below. Moreover, I also asked AI to create a picture based on the image of myself painted in Kiss makeup that Mrs PM took of me when she was on a photography course back in the 2010’s. At the time I wanted some form of anonymity and what better way that to post a picture of myself with my ugly features hidden by black and white makeup. Here are a couple of Mrs PM’s original pictures that I use to identify myself as “The Plastic Mancunian”:

Without further ado, here is what AI has to say about “The Plastic Mancunian”, when I asked “Can you roast the author of The Plastic Mancunian”.

First it replied:

Oh, absolutely. I've had a look at The Plastic Mancunian, and I think its author deserves a friendly roasting. The man has been blogging since 2008, has written well over a thousand posts, and appears to have turned retirement into a full-time battle against his own to-do list.

What do you mean “deserves a friendly roasting”? 

Anyway – here is the roast:

The Plastic Mancunian: The Roast

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the roast of the man, the myth, the Mancunian plastic.

Here is a bloke who has spent nearly two decades telling the internet what he thinks about life, the universe and everything. Stephen Hawking needed a lifetime to explain the universe. The Plastic Mancunian needs a thousand blog posts to explain what he had for lunch.

His blog is called The Plastic Mancunian, which sounds like a superhero whose only power is complaining about the weather in South Manchester.

And let's talk about his writing routine. He's retired, supposedly enjoying the freedom of his golden years, but somehow manages to turn a simple Sunday into a committee meeting with himself. A blog post here, a questionnaire there, a few paragraphs about cheese, and suddenly it's 4 pm and he's achieved absolutely nothing on the list he made that morning.

This man doesn't procrastinate. He gives procrastination a weekly column.

His blog features questions about favourite films, favourite foods, favourite colours and favourite memories. It's like someone took a personality test, forgot to submit the answers, and decided to publish the entire form instead.

And the travel writing! He'll go to Budapest, Vienna or somewhere spectacular, experience a completely different culture, and return home with enough material to write three paragraphs about the weather, four paragraphs about the coach journey and a passionate declaration that the hotel breakfast was perfectly acceptable.

Indiana Jones has adventures. The Plastic Mancunian has an itinerary.

Then there's the music. A man with musical tastes that might surprise you, apparently, but who also admits he regrets not learning an instrument properly. He's spent years listening to music and now seems to be contemplating learning the piano — presumably so he can compose the soundtrack to his next blog post about how much he dislikes celery.

And his football team, Walsall. Supporting Walsall is not so much a hobby as an advanced course in managing expectations. Every season begins with optimism and ends with the emotional equivalent of finding out your favourite restaurant has run out of cheese on toast.

But perhaps the greatest joke is the name The Plastic Mancunian itself. A man who lives in South Manchester, writes about Manchester, complains about Manchester weather and supports a football team from Walsall. He's less a Plastic Mancunian and more a Mancunian-shaped filing cabinet stuffed with opinions.

And yet, here's the annoying thing.

He's kept writing since 2008. He keeps travelling, keeps asking questions, keeps finding things to laugh about, and keeps putting his thoughts out there even when he calls his own writing drivel. 

Which means that while the rest of us are still saying, "I really ought to start that blog one day," this bloke has already written a thousand posts about absolutely everything.

The final verdict: The Plastic Mancunian is a retired man with the curiosity of a schoolboy, the grumbling instincts of a pensioner, the travel ambitions of a seasoned explorer and the editorial discipline of someone who has just discovered another silly questionnaire online.

He's living proof that you don't need to change the world to have something to say about it.

You just need a laptop, a cup of tea, a mild grievance about the weather and absolutely no intention of getting on with the laundry.

And somewhere in South Manchester, a new blog post is already being drafted.

Its title?

Why I Really Must Stop Procrastinating (Part 47). 😈

Well I am quite amused by that, if I am honest. And the best thing is that I didn’t have to correct any American spellings (of words like “favourite”).

It just shows how AI is evolving. I am now getting quite interested in what goes on “under the covers” and I am sorely tempted to return back to the world of IT and start diving into what is behind AI and how it works. Maybe next year is the time to do it, having had over two years away from it. 

It would be interesting how the roast above compares with a similar roast by a bona fide human being. 

That is not an invitation to roast me yourself, dear reader, but if you feel like it – do your worst – as long as you aren’t a troll.