Wednesday, 23 December 2009

Jingle Bells

This is my last post before Christmas so I thought I would write alternative lyrics to a well known Christmas song. Last year it was The Twelve Days Of Christmas. This year I have selected "Jingle Bells" as the victim of my psychotic need to destroy songs.

Have a great Christmas one and all.

Dashing to the shops every single bloody day
Join another queue, pushing people out the way
I need to buy so many presents and a lot of trash
I need to win the lottery cos I’ve just run out of cash

Oh Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells
Jingle all the way
Oh what fun it is to throw your hard earned cash away
Oh Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells
Jingle all the way
Oh what fun it is to throw your hard earned cash away

Eating lots of food and drinking lots of beer
I am getting fat, much fatter than last year
The weather’s looking nice; I think it might have snowed
And if I eat another thing I know I will explode

Oh Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells
Jingle all the way
Oh what fun it is to double the amount you weigh
Oh Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells
Jingle all the way
Oh what fun it is to double the amount you weigh

Listening to the Queen and watching crap TV
Playing silly games with my entire family
Everybody’s tired and one or two begin to snore
But later we will have to eat and drink again some more

Oh Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells
Jingle all the way
Oh what fun it is to fall asleep on Christmas Day
Oh Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells
Jingle all the way
Oh what fun it is to fall asleep on Christmas Day

So a Merry Christmas to the readers of this post
I like to raise my glass and to propose a toast
To everyone in Blogland; every woman, every man
Here’s to a fun-filled holiday from The Plastic Mancunian

Oh Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells
Jingle all the way
Oh what fun it is to stuff your face on Christmas Day
Oh Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells
Jingle all the way
Oh what fun it is to stuff your face on Christmas Day

13 comments:

bingkee said...

I wish you enjoy your Christmas with all the blessings.

River said...

Good one. I like it. Mind if I pass it around?

Kath Lockett said...

Have a good one Dave and hopefully you'll get at least one present you like!

The Plastic Mancunian said...

Merry Christmas to you too Bingkee

:0)

Cheers

PM

The Plastic Mancunian said...

Hi River,

Not at all (though you may want to remove the fourth verse).

:0)

Cheers

PM

The Plastic Mancunian said...

G'Day Kath and thanks.

I'm sure I will be reporting on what the drunken fat bearded weirdo brought me.

:0)

Cheers

PM

earthtoholly said...

Hilarious, PM!

And I love how you ended on a food note. Very creative...actually, possibly better than the original!

Again, a happy and safe holiday to the PM household!

Holly :o) :o) :o)

The Plastic Mancunian said...

Cheers Holly,

I'm sure it will be safe - if I can survive the mayhem.

:0)

Cheers

PM

Lidian said...

That was most excellent! Hope you have a wonderful Christmas -

Cheers from Canada!

The Plastic Mancunian said...

Thanks Lidian,

And I hope you (and Canada) have a fabulous Xmas too.

:0)

Cheers

PM

Anonymous said...

hilarious i have copied and pasted it and i am giving a copy to all my friends and saying to go on your website

Anonymous said...

My band The 309s (www.the309s.com) has a pub gig in Bradford on the 21st. I fancy singing your version, OK?

Rod@pinegroveleather.co.uk

Plastic Mancunian said...

Hi 309's,

Sure - why not?

Have fun.

Cheers

PM