Spill the Beans

 

Welcome to a rather strange South Manchester – weather wise. We had a couple of really hot days this week (over 20 °C) and now it has returned to typical April weather with cooler temperatures and scattered rain showers. 

Let’s dive straight into some Sunday Stealing silliness. 

1. Can you touch your nose with your tongue?

No – not even close. 

2. What foreign language did you study in school? How much of it do you still remember?

I studied French and Latin for five years and German for three years. I passed my “O-Level” examinations in all three. I didn’t see the point of Latin until I started studying German when I discovered that the weird Latin noun forms were all used in German too (apart from ablative). 

How much do I remember? Actually, I remember quite a lot of French and some German and this has helped because I am currently refreshing my knowledge in both via Duolingo. I have discovered that I actually remember quite a few of the words when they are introduced for the first time. Some of the vocabulary is still locked away in my head somewhere. 

I think I would struggle with Latin though because it is the hardest of the three of them. Being a Catholic I was exposed to Latin during Mass because when I used to go in the 1970’s sometimes the entire Mass would be conducted in Latin. I can still remember some of The Creed, for example. Ask me to read a random Latin sentence though and I would probably struggle. 

I still actually have my Latin/English dictionary from school and, were it an active language still, I might be tempted to dive back in. 

3. What recipe did you most recently prepare? Where did you get the recipe and how did it turn out?

I haven’t followed a recipe for years. These days when I cook, I just do the basics. Mrs PM on the other hand has tried loads of recipes and 95% of them are successful. 

I think the last thing I tried to cook from a recipe was a risotto and it turned out quite well, as I recall. My last disaster was a dessert – I have forgotten what it was – which is probably just as well. 

4. What song have you listened to over and over and over again?

I’ve been listening to a lot of Devin Townsend recently, mainly in preparation for his new album called “The Moth” which is due for release next month. On his last album there is a weird song that I just love because it is quite quirky and a little funny. It’s called Ruby Quaker and is all about loving coffee, bizarrely, and the style shifts as the song progresses. The chorus is quite catchy and is a bit of an earworm. 

Here it is:

5. Are there currently any pets in your household? Are you considering adding another? 

Yes – we have two black cats called Ziggy and Star(dust). I am quite happy with just having two because when we have introduced a third cat it has caused chaos. 

People who have read this blog for a while may recall that before Ziggy and Star, we had two other black cats called Jasper and Poppy, both of whom lived to the ripe old age of 18 years old. When they were younger, we had a friend who decided to emigrate to Abu Dhabi because her husband got himself a good job there. The problem was that they had a black cat called Liquorice and they didn’t know what to do with her. In a moment of madness, we decided to keep her and add her to our household. 

What we didn’t realise was that Liqorice was a psychopath. She turned our house upside down. Poor Poppy basically fled upstairs to live there permanently and defend her new kingdom from this psychotic interloper. Jasper, the bigger of the two cats, then waged war on Liqorice for dominance of the rest of the house. In the meantime, this lunatic new cat decided that Mrs PM and I needed to be subdued and started to attack us regularly. 

After a while, though, things settled into a state of détente. Jasper and Liqorice learned to live with each other and, although there were some skirmishes the two of them tolerated each other. Jasper won, I think, because he used to roam around the whole house, whereas Poppy and Liqorice had a stand off where Liqorice would creep upstairs only to end up having a battle with Poppy who, surprisingly, managed to defend her new territory. The problem was that poor Poppy became an upstairs house cat. 

As for the human slaves in the house, Liqorice grew very fond of me and used to often sit on my lap or cuddle up next to my leg. I still had to be alert because, being a psycho, she would occasionally lash out if I touched her when she wasn’t expecting it, or if I accidentally stroked her when she didn’t want to be touched at all. That said, she always used to greet me at the door when I came into the house. 

At the moment, I am happy with the two that we have and I definitely do not want a repeat of the Liqorice situation so there will be no more until something happens to both Ziggy and Star. 

6. As an adult, have you ever performed with a drama group? (Student productions don't count.)

No. I have considered it but I am not sure that I would be comfortable performing in front of others. 

Plastic Factoids

Welcome to a sunny spring day in South Manchester. Winter is still fighting though as I discovered on a walk on Thursday. Thankfully I was prepared for the worst because the weather forecast said “there may be rain”. 

Let me tell you what I experienced. 

It was sunny for the first ten minutes and then suddenly, from seemingly nowhere, the heavens opened and decided to hurl down hail. Not content with that, the wind picked up and threatened to destroy my brolly and even me. Ten minutes later, the hail turned to a deluge of rain and even though I had a coat and a terrified umbrella with me, it didn’t stop my jeans from getting drenched. And so it went on for the next six miles with freezing cold temperatures. That is, until two minutes from home, when the clouds disappeared and the sun came out raising the temperature again. I was in the house again remarking to Mrs PM that the weather was nice now, only to be proven wrong immediately as I looked out of the window and saw that the sun had vanished to be replaced by snow!

Such is spring in Manchester. 

In other news, I was disheartened to hear that Chuck Norris has passed away. While he wasn’t the world’s greatest actor, I recall laughing at how dreadful “Walker, Texas Ranger” was, marvelling at the fight scene between him and Bruce Lee in “The Way of the Dragon”. More recently, I remember laughing loudly at the Chuck Norris jokes that flooded the internet for a long time. I even wrote a blog post it:

Chuck Norris v Mr T 

He even lampooned himself in Expendables 2 – enjoy the punchline:

Rest in Peace Chuck.

Shall we answer some silly questions from Sunday Stealing? 

1. Is your phone Apple or Android? What about your laptop?

I used to have an iPod but when that died, so did my association with Apple. 

My phone is Android because there is a lot more choice out there and I find them superior to iPhones. In fact in my experience, a lot of guys who work in IT prefer Android. I’m not saying that iPhones are bad; technically they are very good and of course led the wayat the dawn of the smartphone. I just think they are overpriced and not as good as Android phones. That’s my own personal opinion. 

I have a Dell laptop running Windows 11. Bizarrely, I’ve heard good things about Mac laptops but in this case, I have always worked with Microsoft, making it easier to just hit the ground running when I have to get a new one. 

2. Can you say "thank you" in more than one language?

Yes, I can. I can say “Thank you” in English, French (“Merci”), German (“Danke”), Spanish (“Gracias”), Russian (“Спасибо” pronounced “spasibo”), Portuguese (“obrigado”), Dutch (“Bedankt”), Mandarin (“謝謝”, pronounced “Xiexie”) and Japanese (“ありがとう” pronounced “Arigato”).

This doesn’t make me a total polyglot because apart from English, I can barely make myself understood in French, German and Spanish and struggle when people speak back to me. Some people say that I can barely speak English. 

3. What do you draw when you doodle?

I don’t doodle now but I used to when I was working, particularly in tedious meetings, where doodling helped me to stay awake as the bullshit flowed around. 

What did I draw? 

I would either try to draw a man’s face and, if the meeting was particularly soul-destroying, that man would evolve into a vampire. 

I would also occasionally draw cubes and cuboids, shading them in or trying to combine them into elaborate sculptures. 

Before I finish, I have to say that I am terrible at drawing and if you were to see anything I attempted you would say something like “that’s good for a three-year old” or “wow – that chimp can actually vaguely draw!”. 

4. Which do you enjoy more, Scrabble or bowling?

I assume you mean tenpin bowling as opposed to crown green bowling. 

Either way, that’s a tough one. I am not very good at either type of bowling. I am also not very good at Scrabble. 

On reflection, I would say that I probably enjoy Scrabble first, then tenpin bowling then crown green bowling. But I enjoy them all. 

5. Can you juggle?

I can only juggle my hobbies in retirement. As for juggling balls and skittles, absolutely no chance. My hand/eye coordination is non-existent when it comes to such things. 

6. Have you ever worn pyjamas in public?

Why would I ever even consider doing that? 

7. Was your best subject in school the one you enjoyed the most?

That would be maths (dearest American readers – note the “s”). I seem to be quite gifted when it comes to all things mathematical and I flew through my “O-level”, “AO-Level” and “A-Level” passing all three of them with the top grade (in the UK that is an “A”). 

At university, I had to take several maths courses as part of my Computational and Statistical Science degree and that is when I started to find it tricky. Because I entered university with such good exam results, they put me in with the top mathematics graduates and I found it very taxing (although I still managed to pass the exams). Thankfully in my final year, I managed to ditch all mathematics modules to concentrate on the Computer Science and Statistics exams. 

Before then, at school, I was such a nerd that I used to do past exam papers for fun. 

WHAT A GEEK I WAS (and probably still am). 

8. When you're offered the senior discount before you ask for it, are you offended or grateful?

I have never been offered a senior discount before asking for it, even though I am in some cases a senior. In the UK, my pension age is 67 so I won’t get the state pension until then (I have about three and a half years to wait). But such is the weirdness of the UK sometimes, that I can often get a discount for being over 60. 

The big problem is that I don’t actually look my age and people look at me and question how old I really am. I have suffered this from the age of 18 when I wanted to buy a beer or get into an 18 certificate movie (rated R in the US) but was refused. Back then we didn’t have official ID cards (we still don’t - I use my driver's licence) so I was wrongly refused – even when I was as old as my early 20’s. I didn’t learn to drive until I was 23 so as soon as I got my driver’s license things changed. 

The last time I was asked my age in a pub was when I was 30 years old. The barmaid, who was clearly younger than me, said “I think you are over 18 but I just thought I would check. Are you over 18?” I laughed and said “Yes! I’m 30!”. “OH MY GOD!” she said, laughing. “You’re way older than I am.”

These days, I have my driver’s license with me all the time so I can get discount tickets for things like the cinema quite easily. I really should ask Mr Google or Mr ChatGPT to find out what I can actually get a discount for. I might save money. 

9. Do you agree that with age comes wisdom?

Absolutely. The reason is that we all learn from our mistakes and I have made so many in my life that I have lost count of them. This puts me (and others like me) in the enviable position that I can judge situations based on earlier mistakes I have made and advise youngsters based on my own experience and things I have struggled with. 

I still make mistakes and I am still learning so it is an ongoing process even at my age. 

10. Do you consider Sunday the first day of the week or the last day of the weekend? 

When I was working, I considered Sunday as the last day of the weekend because, for me, the week started in anger on Monday. 

Now that I have retired, every day is like Saturday, so I am happy to consider Sunday to be the first Saturday of the week. 

Book of Questions

Welcome to a rainy South Manchester on a Friday, the day I don’t work now that I am part time. I’m posting this early because tomorrow I am off to Amsterdam in the Netherlands for a university reunion with a couple of guys I have known for almost 40 years. I love Amsterdam and have been there countless times, mostly working but also for a city break. In fact, Amsterdam was the very first city I visited abroad, back at the tender age of 19. 

Shall we answer some silly questions from Sunday Stealing? 

1. When you tell a story, do you often exaggerate?

I sometimes exaggerate – mainly for comedic effect, to make the story more interesting than it actually was. I rarely do that on this blog though. The stories I have told in the past actually did happen – well I might have exaggerating a teeny little bit.

2. If a friend were almost always late, would you resent it or simply allow for it?

I usually allow for it. Mrs PM is not the most punctual person on the planet so I have adjusted for that. 

3. Can you be counted on to be on time?

Absolutely. If anything I prefer to be early.

4. When did you last yell at someone?  Why?

I don’t yell at people very often – I’m not that kind of person; I’m more laid back about things. I usually moan rather than yell at people. I can’t recall when I last yelled if I’m honest. I have a feeling it might have been Ziggy for being too aggressive with Star when they were “play” fighting. He is a much bigger cat than she is and he doesn’t know his own strength. She sometimes gives as good as she gets though.

5. If you could have free, unlimited service for five years from an extremely good cook, chauffeur, housekeeper, masseuse, or personal secretary, which would you choose?

I would choose a cook and a chauffeur. I hate cooking and driving. 

6. Would you be willing to go to a slaughterhouse and kill a cow?  Do you eat meat?

I do eat meat but I am not prepared to kill any animal myself. I can understand why some people are vegetarians but I love meat too much. The thought of actually killing a creature turns my stomach. 

7. Do you feel ill at ease going alone to either dinner or a movie?  What about going on a vacation by yourself?

I prefer being with people but I have no problem going to places alone. Sometimes, when I have been asked to go abroad with work, I have been on my own and therefore had to entertain myself. I have eaten alone in restaurants in a lot of foreign places, including Hong Kong, Moscow and Beijing. I have been to the movies on my own countless times and even been to a couple of gigs on my own too. Most recently I went to see my current favourite band, Riverside, on my own because the guys I usually go to gigs with don’t really like them. In fact I am also going on my own to see Porcupine Tree in June. 

Talking of the Riverside gig, I found a video on YouTube that somebody had posted from the gig I was at when they played a song called “Friend or Foe?”. If you watch the video between 57 seconds and 1 minute 2 seconds, you can see the Plastic Mancunian nodding his head in time to the music. 

8. Would you like to be famous?  In what way?

I wouldn’t really like to be famous if I’m honest. I value my privacy too much. That said, I wouldn’t mind being a famous author, writing under a pseudonym. I would probably call myself something silly like Ned Bogus or Dirk Prawn.  

9. Would you rather play a game with someone more or less talented than you?  

I would quite like to play with somebody slightly better than I am so that it was more of a challenge. 

10. Is there something you've dreamed of doing for a long time?  Why haven't you done it?

Oh yes. I have dreamed of being a writer (as I said above) and also a musician (not necessarily a famous one). Why haven’t I done it? Time, I guess. However I am learning to play the piano, one of the perks of being part time, and also I have started a novel. I doubt whether these things will reach their full potential but they are fun to try and I like to think of them both as ongoing projects. 

There are also a lot of countries I want to visit and the reason I haven’t been to them is time and money. But they are still on my list so I never say never.

11. If you were at a friend's house for Thanksgiving dinner and found a dead cockroach in your salad, what would you do?

I would eat it.

Only kidding.

I doubt I will ever go to a Thanksgiving dinner because it is only celebrated in the United States. Again, I would never say never because you never know. If I found a dead cockroach in my salad I would probably take the host aside and point it out to them without alerting anyone else. 

12. Would you accept $10,000 to shave your head and continue your normal activities sans hat or wig without explaining the reason for your haircut?

Yes. I have a full head of hair and I have often thought about what I would look like as a bald man. For $10,000 I would definitely do it. My hair will grow back of course. Don’t tell Mrs PM though. 

13. If you were able to wake up tomorrow in the body of someone else, would you do so?  Whom would you pick?

I would only do it if it were temporary. I would probably pick a famous person just to see how the other lives for a day – preferably a rock singer who has a magnificent voice. 

14. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

I come from a working class background and while my parents always looked after us well, it would have been nice to live in a bigger house with more available money. I would probably change it so that my parents were wealthier. 

15. What, if anything, is  too serious to be joked about?

There are too many things that I wouldn’t ever joke about for fear of upsetting or offending people. I can’t put my finger on just one.

More Pen Pals

Welcome to a sunny but cold south Manchester. Winter is back for an encore and it has been bitterly cold. Thankfully, we don’t get much snow at all here, and while some parts of northern England have suffered, all we’ve had to put up with is cold winds and sleet/rain showers. Unpleasant to walk in but hopefully things will start warming up again over this weekend.

Let’s dive in with some silly questions from Sunday Stealing 

1. Do you make new friends easily?

I used to find it difficult to break the ice because of shyness but these days I am much better. I’m okay at making new friends and I think being able to chat to people is key to that. I am a friendly and sincere chap – what’s not to like?

2.Which podcasts do you like at the moment?

I don’t listen to podcasts. I am tempted to listen to Spanish language ones to improve my listening skills but I haven’t managed to get around to that yet. 

3. One thing that immediately makes your day better.

On a school day, finishing work. Other days, it depends. I feel better today because Ziggy is hungry and he is currently perched on my desk next to the keyboard, purring and giving me head bumps to entice me into the kitchen. So, the cats I guess make my day better when they are being cute.

4. What app do you use most?

I use a lot of apps. Google Chrome is well used, as is Duolingo. I use Whatsapp quite a lot and now that I have embraced music streaming, Spotify is right up there. 

5. The friends who would have your back no matter what.

I don’t want to mention any names but they know who they are.

6. What is something you’ll never do again?

Having tried to overcome my fear of heights by climbing the Sydney Harbour Bridge and the Burj Khalifa, I have vowed never to go up high building ever again. This includes things like the Eiffel Tower as well. It’s a shame because I didn’t used to be scared of heights and climbed the Eiffel Tower twice in my youth with no qualms at all. The third time was terrible and a long time afterwards. I don’t really know why or how I developed this irrational fear – I have a theory. I’ve just decided to avoid the trauma from now on.

7. Something you practice often.

I practice the piano every day – my latest effort is “Joy to the World” which I have just about mastered. It’s slow progress but there is definitely progress. 

I also write every day and practice Spanish.

8. What gives you an adrenaline rush?

These days it is the simple things in life. In my youth I used to love fast rides, rollercoasters, sports, high buildings and all the things that lads loved. These days, a walk in the countryside will do the trick. 

I do get a massive buzz when my flight lands when I am going on holiday because I know that I will soon be able to explore another country.

9. How well do you do in social situations?

As I said earlier, I am much better in social situations. When I am with my closest friends I am, I’ve been told, quite a funny chap and I usually cast aside the introvert within to unleash the extrovert. In some situations, my shyness does return to bother me sometimes – it has not fully gone – and I try to combat it on the spot. 

So mostly I am good but sometimes I can be awkward.

10. Are you a light sleeper or a deep sleeper?

I am a light sleeper and it annoys me. A couple of nights ago, for example, one of the neighbourhood cats sneaked into our house and decided to make himself at home downstairs. He woke me up because he wears a little bell on his collar and, at 3:35 am (I remember the time) I was woken up by the cat flap and then the tinkling of his little bell as he prowled around downstairs. My own two cats were fast asleep in the back room. 

So I raced downstairs to chase him out. 

Thunderstorms wake me, as do police helicopters as well as two mice playing football with a pebble in my front garden.

In the summer, I will wake up at 4:30 am every day because it gets light at that time. 

Mrs PM says that I have transparent eyelids.

11. Do you get stage fright?

Yes – definitely. I hate public speaking and I have had to do it quite a few times, usually giving courses to people. 

12. Which family members are you closest to?

All of them.

13. How was your February?

February was good actually because we managed to get away to Tenerife for a few days. Of course it was still winter (and I hate winter) but the trip was a respite from the miserable weather.

14. What is your favourite candle scent?

Anything that Mrs PM chooses to buy.

15. One book that you would recommend as a "must read'?

I’m going to give you a couple that I have really enjoyed.

Stephen King – The Stand

Robert Ludlum – The Bourne Ultimatum

Blake Crouch – Recursion

James Herbert – The Dark

Iain. M. Banks - Matter

There are many more.