Christmas 2023

Welcome to a pleasant winter’s day in South Manchester. The weather is mild and the clouds are light and fluffy, with a blue sky and a low sun that is beaming into our lounge through the Christmas tree which is positioned at the front window with lights flashing to a rhythm dictated by a switch that we can tweak. Personally I would tweak it every day but Mrs PM likes the current pattern; I am happy to let her have her way. 

Of course, the cats are fascinated by the tree and surprisingly they are well behaved around it. I do catch them tapping the odd globe occasionally but they don’t try to climb it (it is about seven feet tall I think). 

Yes, Christmas 2023 is almost upon us so it seems like a good idea to squeeze in a couple of silly answers to some silly questions from Sunday Stealing with Christmas in mind. 

1. What is the best Christmas gift you’ve ever received?

That’s a difficult one. As a kid, I usually received Christmas presents that I wanted or that excited me but as I became an adult, presents became kind of token presents and, as a man, it started to consist of socks, handkerchiefs, book tokens, beer, chocolate and other gifts that people don’t really know what to buy for the man in their life. The answer is, therefore, I don’t really know. Sorry – that is so boring.

2. What is the worst Christmas gift you’ve ever received?

Have you heard of Derek Acorah? 

He was a “psychic medium” who claimed to be able to converse with ghosts and in my view was a complete charlatan. He also claimed to be “possessed”. The person who bought me this gift had heard me mention his name and knows that I am into weird, spooky stuff. What I was actually doing was ranting about how gullible people are to have believed this idiot.

Here he is being exposed by a parapsychologist. And it’s well worth a look if you have six minutes to spare.

A total and utter charlatan and fraud – and I think most of those similar to him are the same. 

But back to the question. 

This person thought that a book written by Derek Acorah would be the perfect gift for me. How wrong they were.

To be kind, I read the first chapter and I have never read such a load of bullshit in my entire life. I felt bad that somebody has actually paid money for this vapid, turgid, amateurish waste of part of a tree and that some of the money spent had gone into Derek Acorah’s pocket to help prolong his abuse of gullible people.

I recycled it at the earliest opportunity.

Derek Acorah passed away in 2020 and if he really were able to talk to and be possessed by ghosts then surely he would have found his way back. Even if there were a part of me that believed in ghosts, this man is one reason why the sceptic in me will always dismiss such things as fraud.

Who knows? After this I may be visited by the Ghost of Christmas Past, the Ghost of Christmas Present and the Ghost of Christmas Future for being a cynical old git about people who claim to be able to talk to spirits. 

3. Do you have a favourite Christmas song?

It is fitting that my favourite Christmas song it Fairytale of New York by the Pogues and Kirsty MacColl. Shaun MacGowan passed away earlier at the end of last month. Rest in peace Shane.

 

4. Does your family have any favourite holiday traditions?

Not really. We usually go to at least on Christmas Party, have a pub crawl from my place of employment, visit family and get together with friends. We take it in turns hosting on Christmas Day and we start eating lots of fattening food, eating lots of chocolate and drinking more than usual. That’s why we all diet and abstain in January. 

We have a few things planned over the next week or two.

It is also traditional to have Christmas decorations and they are already up. 

5. What is your favourite Christmas snack?

Is a mince pie a snack? If it is then that is it. I love mince pies and we eat loads of them over the Christmas period. 

6. Did you believe in Santa growing up?

Yes – until I worked out that he doesn’t exist by applying logic. My dad came up with ridiculous answers to try to explain to me why he existed. I was asking about time zones, speed of travel, how this fat man could squeeze his bulk down a chimney, how he got in the house for people who didn’t have chimneys, how he managed to avoid the fire for those who had one, how he managed to get round the entire world in one day etc. etc.

In the end I told him that Father Christmas doesn’t exist – and he just laughed. 

7. How early do you start decorating?

That’s up to Mrs PM. She decides. We are decorated now and this year she wanted to do it on December 1st but we couldn’t for some reason. It was soon afterwards. I just allow Mrs PM to reign fully on all things Christmas.

8. Are you an early or last-minute shopper?

I am an early shopper. I like to get it all over and done with by the start of December.

9. Would you rather give or receive gifts?

I would rather receive them, but not because I am a tight-fisted git. I find it really difficult to decide what to buy for people and I invariably get a lot of them wrong (though people don’t necessarily tell me). Plus you have to actually spend time deciding and then buying. It is so easier to receive gifts and I like 99.9% of them. But please – no books, DVDs or anything by people like Derek Acorah.

10. What’s your favourite Christmas movie?

I don’t really like them if I’m honest and I try not to watch them. I do quite like “It’s a Wonderful Life” though, so I will say that one.

11. What is one of your Christmas memories?

The routine we had when I was a child. 

My dad was not a religious person and he was Church of England by baptism. My mum was Roman Catholic and so my two sisters and I were too. On Christmas Day we used to get up really early and my mum would take us to Mass, while my dad would stay in bed for a short while. By the time we got home, my dad had surfaced and spent the time cooking an elaborate and very tasty breakfast, while making a start on Christmas dinner. We would eat breakfast and then after tidying away the dishes, we would open our presents. 

My mum and dad would then spend a while in the kitchen preparing the dinner while we enjoyed our gifts and watched TV to soak up the atmosphere. 

We would be visited by grandparents later and enjoy Christmas dinner while lazing about, stuffing our faces with chocolate and all manner of food. 

The adults would all fall asleep in the afternoon, usually brought on by the Queen’s Speech (which was tedium personified and has been ever since) before playing games for the rest of the day.

It was simple but I can still picture it.

12. Do you open any presents on Christmas Eve?

Not at all. Presents are meant to be opened on Christmas Day. 

I imagine I will probably produce another post before Christmas but just in case I don't, have a Wonderful Christmas, each and every one of you.