Saturday 20 January 2018

Mr Sick


My Christmas break from work was partially ruined last year by Mr Motivator.

For those of you who don’t know who Mr Motivator is, he is the personification of all those workaholic ambitious fools who work all of the hours God sends “at 150%” and look down on those who want a decent work/life balance and actually want to spend time with their families.

I do not like Mr Motivator.

So, how did this imaginary nemesis of mine ruin my Christmas?

He made me ill.

Regular readers will know that I am a hypochondriac and the mere mention of an illness makes me think that I have the symptoms. Ironically, I rarely actually get ill. In the last few years at work I can count on the fingers of one hand how many days I have had off ill.

When I get a cold, it is usually just a mild sniffle with a minor sore throat.

However, last year, on the day after Christmas Day I was struck down with a nasty bout of man flu. My head thumped like there was a mad robot inside my skull trying to smash his way out with a sledge hammer. My nose was so badly blocked with snot that it felt like it had swelled to three times its normal size. I was scared to sneeze because I honestly thought I could demolish the house. My throat felt as though it was being sandblasted and I was coughing so much that you could have been forgiven for thinking that I was a barking dog.



I was so weak that I could barely climb off the sofa. I spent three days on a Lemsip diet watching terrible television. My will to live had gone on holiday.

I was far worse than this guy.



Before you ask, I wasn’t asking Mrs PM to make soup or rub my head.

I had virtually no beer - that’s how ill I was.

As I lay there feeling sorry for myself on the sofa, I started feeling anger that I had been struck down while on holiday rather than during a work. I remembered seeing people suffering at work with the same ailment that had struck me down, some of whom were visibly ill before ultimately deciding to take the day off sick themselves. Others plied themselves with vast quantities of Lemsip so that they could get through their working day with as little pain as possible.

It is these people who gave me this horrendous illness – just in time for Christmas and my week and a half holiday.

I don’t blame all of them. Some of them felt that they needed to come in and power through the trauma in order to please Mr Motivator, a man who will be in work for most of the day regardless of any illnesses. Mr Motivator he needs to give 200% and can battle through any illness in order to complete the essential work that needs to be done.

When I returned to work after the Christmas break, three of my colleagues had also been struck down, spending most of the Christmas break in bed with the same flu-like bug having a party inside their bodies.

Like me, they were annoyed, one even suggesting that perhaps he should have taken the week off work to compensate for his lost holiday time.

On those rare occasions when I have been ill during work, I have decided to take the day off the moment the symptoms appear. After all, I do actually like the majority of my work colleagues and the last thing I want to do is strike them down with the same lurgy.

I truly don’t think that Mr Motivator understands that if you come in with a terrible cold for example, then ultimately anybody who comes into contact with you will also get it. Most of these people do not have the same warped philosophy in life as Mr Motivator and will take the time off to recover from it, both for their own benefit and the benefit of their colleagues. More importantly, that person will not spread the disease and the workload will suffer less as a result.

I am happy to say that although Mr Motivator does work at my company (he works at almost every company in fact), nobody thinks any less of you for staying at home when you are ill. It makes total sense to do so because if everybody on my team were to fall ill at the same time, then work and the company would suffer.

So please, Mr Motivator, if you feel ill then stay at home and relax so that you can get over it without harming your colleagues and your company’s productivity.

You know it makes sense.

As an afterthought, I am proud of myself for not asking Mr Google about the symptoms of my illness. Had I done that, I would probably have panicked about dying from a rare tropical disease and made my Christmas even worse.

Here’s to an illness free 2018.

9 comments:

Elephant's Child said...

Very familiar. And that behaviour is aided and abetted by drug companies who even make ads about 'soldiering on'. Soldiering on through your illness and infecting everyone around you who will also need the drug companies products. Hiss and spit.
I hope you are fully recovered now.

JahTeh said...

There wasn't a month in 2017 when I wasn't ill so I'm determined to sail through this year. Was it a rumour that you wimpy poms were calling that minor illness OZ FLU. You should live in Oz to get the real deal, closest thing to death besides dying.
But I sympathise, sick in the food season, the pig up festival, the "Who's liver can last Longest" contest. I'm surprised the flu bugs didn't die in the sleet and snow.
Hope you are better now.

River said...

I'm so rarely ill, with hayfever and asthma not counting as illnesses, whenever I called in sick, the boss knew it was genuine. I wish others would also call in sick instead of coming in "because it's just a cold" and spreading their nasty germs everywhere they touch.
You're much better now I hope and good luck next Christmas, hope you get a genuine holiday not a week on the couch again.

Plastic Mancunian said...

Hi EC,

Yes - fully recovered thanks. And you are totally correct about drug companies. I think Mr Motivator owns them.

:o)

Cheers

PM

Plastic Mancunian said...

Hi JT,

Sorry to hear about your illness through 2017.

Yes - there was (and still is) a risk of Australian flu where basically the only cure was to where a silly hat and say "G'Day" until it went away. :o)

We always have flu at this time of year, bird flu, pig flu, Oz flu, winter flu - you name it, we've had it.

And the flu thrives in the snow - sadly.

:o)

Cheers

PM

Plastic Mancunian said...

Hi River,

Have you ever had a cold at the same time as hay fever? I have and it is totally unpleasant!

:o)

Cheers

PM

River said...

I've had colds that mimic hayfever and only known they were colds when the hayfever medication didn't work. An actual cold is rare for me though, I think I've had two in the last thirty years and one bout of flu in my whole life. I can thank the strong constitution I was born with for that.

River said...

P.S. calling in sick for me usually meant a migraine or back trouble bad enough that I couldn't get out of bed.

Plastic Mancunian said...

Hi River,

Also, I guess, living in a warmer place than the UK, the temperatures don't reach the lows that we get (below freezing a lot in the winter).

I am slightly envious - I wish the weather were better here to be honest.

:o)

Cheers

PM