Ask Anything

 

Welcome to an unsettled South Manchester on day 363 of Covid-19 restrictions. The weather is a little odd at the moment, sunny one minute and raining the next. It is typical or late winter/early spring and thankfully it is starting to get warmer. 

Shall we just dive straight in with another set of questions from Sunday Stealing? 

1 Do You Sleep With Your Closet Doors Open Or Closed?

I don’t have a closet in my bedroom. If I did I would close it, simply because if I didn’t then Ziggy and Star(dust) would creep in there and start creating mischief while I slept. In fact, we have had to ban the cats from our bedroom because they have a tendency to wake us up in the middle of the night by walking all over us, playing with our feet, jumping on us, sticking their bums in our faces, play fighting with each other on the bed or a combination of all of the above.

Talking of closets, we do have a cupboard under the stairs that is a little like a closet, which remains closed for the same reason, i.e. potential cat mischief.

2 Do You Have Freckles?

I am blonde and fair-skinned so the answer is yes. In fact when I am a hot place and in direct sunshine they are clearly visible.

3 Can You Whistle?

If you mean the kind of whistle that doesn’t involve putting my fingers in my mouth then the answer is yes. I can, as they say, whistle a happy tune.

4 Last Song You Listened To.

Heart of Amsterdam by The Gentle Storm, featuring the incredible Anneke van Giersbergen on vocals. It is a real potpourri of styles, with elements of folk and symphonic rock, including pan pipes, strings and electric guitars, with a joint guitar and violin sole towards the end.

The video is pretty good with images of the city of Amsterdam, one of my favourite cities in the world, a place I have visited through work countless times as well as being there for weekends. Here it is.

I need to go back to Amsterdam when all of this pandemic nonsense is over. I miss the place.

5 Name Something That Relaxes You.

Ambient music. Something like this:

6 What Sounds Are Your Favourite?

One of the good things about walking first thing in the morning while everybody is still asleep is that you can watch the sun rise, especially at this time of the year. As the sun peeps up over the horizon, you can hear the dawn chorus, as just about every bird announces to every other bird that the day’s machinations are about to begin. It is a paradox; so peaceful and yet so noisy. I feel totally relaxed. Similarly, a walk in the countryside during the summer can have the same effect as I listen to a soundscape that is devoid of cars and full of nature with birds, insects and farmyard creatures composing their own music for my pleasure. 

I also love the sound of the ocean gently lapping onto a beach. 

7 What Do You Wear To Bed?

It depends on the time of year and how warm it is. During winter, I wear a long-sleeved T shirt loungewear trousers. In the summer I tend to just wear underpants. I am not a pretty sight when I get out of bed.

8 Do You Sing In The Shower?

Sometimes if I am the only person in the house. If Mrs PM is around then no. The reason is that my singing voice is like that of a cat being tortured.

9 What Books Are You Reading?

At the moment I am reading two books. The first is The Creative Writing Coursebook which is full of tips and tricks and advice for budding writers. The second is a novel called Recursion by Blake Crouch, which I have just started.

10 Do You Believe In Magic?

No. I do love to watch a magician in action and I always try to work out how they have done what they have done. The truth is that they are basically entertaining tricksters and it is just an illusion. This guy is one of my favourites.

11 Can You Curl Your Tongue?

Yes I can. 

12 Have You Ever Caught A Butterfly?

I have caught a moth and thrown it out of the window. In Australia, however, I inadvertently caught a few butterflies at the Butterfly Sanctuary in Kuranda, Australia. A couple of them landed on me.

13 Name One Movie That Made You Cry.

I have been known to blub like a baby at some movies but the one that got me the most was The Elephant Man. This scene in particular.

14 Peanuts Or Sunflower Seeds?

I love peanuts, particularly dry roast peanuts. Mrs PM hates them, especially the smell of them, which she says makes her want to vomit. 

15 Are You A Heavy Sleeper?

No, sadly. If a mouse moves a pebble in my front garden I ping awake and sit up saying “What was that?” This is another reason why the cats are banned from the bedroom.

The Peeping Tom

 

Part of my daily pandemic routine involves getting up on a normal working day and, after feeding the two demanding young cats that are my new masters, I go for a three-mile walk. This happens at roughly 6am in the morning when most sane people are asleep in their warm beds dreaming of a time when the world isn’t being ravaged by a nasty virus.

In the winter months a walk can be an unpleasant experience; it is dark, cold and sometimes pouring with rain. You may ask what the appeal of subjecting myself to the cold and hostile elements of Manchester at 6am in January can be.

I ask myself the very same question.

However, at that time of day, whether it is January or March, it is really peaceful. There are very few cars and people around and the streets are calm and quiet. I remember that I used to love walking the streets doing a morning paper round as a kid for exactly the same reason.

I can walk along, drift into my own little world and contemplate life, the universe and everything, while at the same time getting some exercise. Sometimes I am accompanied by Mrs PM, other times I am on my own with just my iPod for company.

It is blissful, even when it is raining.

There is one downside though and try as I might, I find that I cannot avoid it.

I sometimes feel like I am a Peeping Tom.

Okay, I can imagine that you are considering clicking the little X in the corner of your browser window now and the one thought that is running through your head is “I didn’t know that this man was such a bloody pervert!” and imagine me creeping up to people’s houses to peer into their window with a lecherous and leering look on my grinning face.

You are 100% wrong.

Allow me to explain and hopefully put your mind at rest. As I walk along the street in the darkness of a cold, winter morning, I find my gaze drifting towards houses and seeing no lights in most of them because people are in bed. Sometimes, however, I see the odd bedroom light on. On other occasions, people are up and about and downstairs lights are on.

In almost all cases, the people concerned value their privacy and keep their blinds, shutters or curtains closed.

Sadly, there are those people – let’s call them exhibitionists – who want to let everybody outside know exactly what they are doing. These people open their curtains, blinds or whatever, switch on their lights and then, for reasons I have yet to fathom, do whatever they need to do in full view of anybody who happened to be walking outside their house.

I am very paranoid about allowing people to stare into my house when it is dark outside. My curtains and shutters are closed as soon as the sun sinks behind the horizon and they remain so until I am fully dressed and sun has popped up again. 

The last thing I want to see is a person – any person – gazing into my house as I go about my business. 

Now I can imagine another thought going through your head dear reader – “What on Earth are you doing in your house that you don’t want people to see?”

The answer is “Nothing – of course!” What do you think I am? I am just a normal geezer and I am nothing like this bloke or any of the people he spies on:

Call me weird if you like but I like my privacy.

And this is why, when I see these people opening themselves to the world for all to see at 6am on a dark winter morning, I think they are peculiar.

Why would you do that? 

And I can now guess that thinking – “Well, Peeping Tom, you don’t HAVE to look.”

And you would be right (except for calling me Peeping Tom). I don’t have to look but I find my eyes subconsciously drawn to any light source at that time of the morning. I’m not even aware that I am doing it until see somebody eating his breakfast staring back at me. 

In my head, I am miles away on a voyage through my imagination thinking about budding novels about vampires, aliens and space wars. The last thing I want to see is an old bloke eating his cornflakes in his pyjamas.

When this happens, I have a deep urge to march up to his window and scream “Shut your bloody curtains, man! Nobody wants see you chomping on your toast in your jim-jams you bloody weirdo!”

Of course, I don’t do that and you will be pleased to know that I avert my eyes from these exhibitionists as quickly as possible.

They can ruin my walk. I am brought crashing back to reality, away from the space opera in my head and as I continue, I have to start again and expunge the image of the old so and so from my brain, lest it remain there and ruin my creativity.

Thankfully, it is now March and as I take my walks, my eyes can be drawn towards the rising sun and the wonderful dawns that appear instead of electric lights showing people getting dressed. 

They are much more wonderful as you can see here from a photo taken late last week.

When I am World President, exhibitionism will become a crime and anybody caught revealing the insides of their homes at 6am on a British Winter morning will be confined to their houses throughout summer with their blinds, shutters and curtains nailed shut. 

Apart from that I shall be a benevolent leader – I just don’t like exhibitionists.

More Questions

Welcome to sunny south Manchester on day 357 of the restrictions due to this nasty little bug that’s roaming around the world. As you can see we are approaching a full year since the day that we were locked down for the first time. 

At least now there is a way out as the UK has now completed well over 20 million vaccinations (first dose and in some cases the second one too).

The kids go back to school on Monday and things are gradually going to start opening up over the next couple of months. In theory, on June 21st, all restrictions will have been lifted – but that is subject to constant tests and checks, the dates potentially moving according to what might be happening with infection rates. 

Finally, after a year of dithering and proving to the world what an incompetent clown he is, Boris the Scarecrow and his government or useless gits are actually being cautious. 

I welcome that – but I hope that we don’t forget as a nation the damage that this clown has done to our country since people were stupid enough to vote for the cretin.

Anyway, let’s answer some questions from Sunday Stealing before I descend into a full rant.

1. Do you put ketchup on hot dogs?

I rarely eat hot dogs these days to be honest. In days gone by, I have eaten them at gigs, cricket matches and football matches and, of course, on visits across the pond to the good old US of A.

The answer to the question is yes, when I eat them in the UK because I hate English mustard. I am not very patriotic when it comes to mustard. I love French mustard and the yellow stuff that they serve in America is okay but English mustard comes straight from the deepest pits of Hell. It is utterly foul and disgusting and should be banned forthwith.

Mrs PM loves the stuff though and we have it in our house. On the occasions when we have steak, Mrs PM paints it on in huge globules and eats it with total glee as I watch in horrified fascination.

“How can you eat that stuff?” I ask her incredulously. 

“It’s lovely,” she says.

That is so weird.

2. How many TVs in your house?

We have three TVs. There is a smart TV in the lounge, a similar sized, and not so smart TV in my man-cave that is hooked up to my PS4 and a small combined TV and DVD player upstairs in the second bedroom.

3. Do you put salt on watermelon?

Absolutely not. That sounds totally disgusting. I think people eat too much salt anyway and the idea of adding it to anything other than certain savoury foods is as repellant as it is weird.

What next? Salt in tea or coffee? Salt on apples, bananas and oranges? Salt in beer and wine?

URRRGGHHHH!!!!

4. Can you swim?

Yes, I can. I learned to swim when I was about 7 or 8. I used to be quite a strong swimmer and when I was younger, I would go to the local swimming pool after work and swim about 40 lengths of the pool to keep fit. 

I don’t do that anymore but when I go on holiday, I usually swim a few lengths in the pool in between relaxing or occasionally just splash about in the sea.

5. Are your parents still alive?

No sadly they aren’t. My dad died at the young age of 44 back in 1981 and my mum died in 2017.

6. First car?

My first car was a white Nissan Micra – like this one:

7. Surgeries?

None. I have, thankfully never had surgery. The most invasive procedure I have had is a tooth filling and a crown.

8. What do you drink in the morning?

On a work day I usually start with a glass of fruit juice and a cup of tea. At weekends I usually just have tea.

9. Can you do 100 push ups?

Not at the moment. I used to be able to. Perhaps I should build up to that again.

10. Can you change a tire?

What is a tire? Oh – you mean tyre? 

I can change a tyre on a bike but not on a car.

11. Tattoos?

No. I hate them and I would never willingly allow somebody to draw on my skin with needles and ink. The reason is that they are far too permanent and if it was messed up or I was fed up of it, the thing would remain, staring at me mockingly.

Also, I am an oldish git and it would look ridiculous, particularly as my skin starts to droop.

12. Do you wear sunglasses?

I wear glasses with reactolite photochromic lenses because without them I cannot see a thing. I have had prescription sunglasses in the past but I prefer the automatic response.

Sadly, using these lenses does have its drawbacks because they react to light whether or not the sun is out. I have been aware that when walking on a bright but cloudy winter’s day my lenses go dark and I look as if I am trying to be a super cool dude in the awful weather. 

Abroad, though in hotter climates they are a godsend.

13. Do you have a phobia?

Yes. I am terrified of heights, quite scared of really tall buildings and I hate spiders. 

14. Do you have a nickname? 

I have had many nicknames in the past but I don’t really have one now (other than people adding the letter Y to my surname). 

Here are some of the things I have been called in the past:

Snow, Snowy, Snowball, Bagpuss, Scrumper, Wavy Davey Gravy, Flossy, Rambo, Fine Hands Fonteine.

Don’t ask.

15. Are you a picky eater?

Not really. I am willing to try most foods but I won’t eat snails or insects – something I have had to make clear on my visits to China.

The only foodstuffs I don’t like at all are rhubarb, pears, apricots, figs, dates, prunes, damsons, English mustard and shellfish.

I’ll eat just about everything else.

 

Introducing Mariusz Duda

 

If you haven’t heard of Steven Wilson or Devin Townsend then there is a very good chance that you may not have heard of Mariusz Duda either.

Mariusz is from Poland and fronts a band called Riverside, a very talented progressive rock outfit also from Poland. I discovered the band while searching for new music a few years ago.  If you were to ask Mariusz, he would probably say that Riverside are not a progressive rock band at all. He would perhaps prefer to say that they have a style of their own and that the progressive rock genre have embraced them as one of their own simply because their music is rock and different. 

I would say that they are a rock band but they are more than that in my view; they explore different styles within the genre. Some of their songs are simply beautiful, others being harder and heavier, yet more being progressive epics of the order of 10 to 15 minutes and they have also dabbled with ambient music.

Mariusz is the singer, bass guitarist and leader of the band and main songwriter, and as well as that he has a solo project called Lunatic Soul where he can experiment with different styles of music, some of which is very interesting. He can play guitar, bass guitar and keyboards.

So far Riverside have produced eight albums one of which is slightly more experimental. All of them are absolutely brilliant and on top of that, Mariusz has produced seven Lunatic Soul albums and a purely electronic solo album that doesn’t fit into the scope of Riverside and Lunatic Soul.

I was privileged in 2018 to see Riverside live in Manchester supporting the album “Waste7and” a concept album set in a post-apocalyptic wasteland as the title suggests.

Here is a sample of the work of Mariusz Duda, both with Riverside and Lunatic Soul.

Riverside - Conceiving You – from Second Life Syndrome (2005)

When I said that Mariusz Duda can write beautiful songs, there are fewer that are better than this stunning song from Riverside’s second album. I like a few rock ballads but this one is right up near to the top.

Riverside - The Night Before – from Waste7and (2018)

Equally beautiful is The Night Before, a haunting piano driven song from the latest album by Riverside. It is particularly poignant because it is meant to represent the feeling of safety and comfort the night before something terrible happens. Another masterpiece.

Riverside - Towards the Blue Horizon – from Love, Fear and the Time Machine (2015)

This song illustrates everything I like about Riverside, starting off quite mellow and gradually developing into a grand progressive rock song, not too heavy and retaining a great melody throughout and even reminiscent of Porcupine Tree at the 5 minute mark (check it out if you are a fan of the band).

Riverside - O2 Panic Room – from Rapid Eye Movement (2007)

A slightly heavier and more disturbing song with a video to accompany it (that in fact I have only just seen for the first time). The bass guitar is prominent throughout and if you listen carefully you can hear Mariusz also using his voice as another instrument. 

Riverside - Celebrity Touch – from Shrine of New Generation Slaves (2013)

This is Riverside at their most commercial – a straightforward rock song, again with a slightly disturbing video. The song is about the pitfalls of being a celebrity, desperate for attention.

Lunatic Soul – Navvie – from Through Shaded Woods (2020)

With Lunatic Soul, Mariusz experiments with different kinds of music. Here he tries his hand at folk rock with Navvie from the most recent album. Every Lunatic Soul album is different and different again from Riverside.

I believe that Mariusz’s next project will be a new Riverside album and he has indicated that it will a heavier offering, which I welcome with open arms. I am certain it will still be quite diverse and I look forward to seeing them again should when this damned pandemic finally ends.

Senior Life

Welcome to a sunny South Manchester on day 350 of lockdown restrictions. I had my first Covid-19 vaccination this week and it was a piece of cake. I turned up 15 minutes early and was directed through the vaccination centre and, before I knew it, a nurse had me sitting down in a chair and a needle containing the Pfizer vaccination was plunged into my left arm. I then had to wait for 15 minutes before being unleashed back into the wild with, hopefully, my body starting to build its resistance to the coronavirus. 

I am therefore a very happy chap. Spring is in the air, the worst two months of the year are almost over, it’s warming up and we have a rough timetable back to normality in the UK. 

Let’s  answer some silly questions from Sunday Stealing. 

1. What is the farthest you have ever travelled?

Regular readers will know that I have travelled a lot in my life to various places including Europe, North America, South America, South Africa, the Middle East, East Asia and Australia. The furthest I have travelled has to be Sydney, Sydney Australia. 

The distance between Manchester and Sydney is 10,560 miles as the crow flies. 

That’s a long way.

2. Who did you date while in high school?

I didn’t go to High School. I went to an all-boys grammar school and obviously that stifled my ability to get myself a date. Outside school, I was a short, spotty little git and I had no success with woman. Thankfully at the age or about 16 or 17 I started to grow and my spots disappeared and I managed to convince a young lady to go out with me for an entire year. I was still at school and I kept my romance and my schoolfriends apart. 

I often wonder what happened to her.

3. What is one of the worst trips you've ever taken? What went wrong?

Quite a few years ago, Mrs PM and I booked a trip to Thailand, the beautiful island of Koh Samui. Unfortunately, we messed up the timing of the trip because we didn’t realise that we would arrive and stay in the middle of the rainy season. 

It poured down from the day we arrived until the day that we left, with relentless thunderstorms pouring the entire contents of the Gulf of Thailand onto the island. I lost count of the number of times we took a chance to go for a walk and ended up looking as if we had dived fully clothed into the sea. The road outside our hotel was flooded and I waded across it to get into the hotel and seek sanctuary in the hotel room. We spent a lot of time in bars, as you can imagine in order to try to squeeze some enjoyment as we were deluged by apocalyptic thunderstorms. 

I have never been so relieved to board the plane home. 

I will go back one day – outside of the rainy season.

4. How do you like to spend a lazy day?

The lockdown has provided lots of lazy days in the past year. I will read, write, play computer games, listen to music, watch TV and play with the cats. 

5. How old were you when you found out that JFK had been assassinated? How did it affect you?

I was one year, one month and two weeks old. I was not affected by the assassination in the slightest. 

Since then, though, I have to admit to being intrigued about the conspiracy theories surrounding the murder. I particularly liked a book by Stephen King called 11/22/63 (or in UK terms 22/11/63 – I have never understood why Americans use that weird date format). In the book, a man discovers that he can go back in time and stop the assassination. It was a very good book that was also turned into a mini-series starring James Franco. 

I would recommend them both.

6. Who has been one of the most important people in your life?

There are loads of important people in my life. However, the most important is Mrs PM, of course. She is my soul mate.

7. What is one trait you would most like to improve in yourself?

Procrastination. I have been waging a war on this debilitating trait in my life for a few years now and I am actually winning, thanks to things like creating habits and using rewards to make sure that I deal with things in a timely manner. It does work and it is the kind of thing that I recommend that people try at the beginning of a new year. You can get into the habit of doing anything if you try and this is Captain Procrastinator’s worst enemy.

8. Did you date someone in college?

Well, I had a couple of dates but I was shy and useless. I did meet my future wife at university but we didn’t get together until after I had left. The marriage didn’t last, sadly, but that’s life, I guess. 

9. What was your dream car?

I have never had a dream car. I regard cars as a means to get me from A to B. Some are better than others but I regard them as an expensive luxury. I would never be tempted to by a super car or anything that costs more than my house. That said, I would like to have a go at driving such a car around a safe track.

10. Did you have a family member you wish you'd gotten to know better?

Not really. There are a few people on my mother’s side of the family that I didn’t really know, mainly her cousins and their kids. We rarely encountered each other to be honest.

11. Tell me about your greatest gardening success.   

I hate gardening with a passion. My dad was a very keen gardener and turned our back garden into a huge vegetable patch, which he then spent hours tending to and dragged me into helping him, even during the summer when my hay fever was at it’s worst. It is the one thing that I didn’t like about him, as he tried to turn me into the keen gardener that he was. He grew so many vegetables that we couldn’t eat them all and he ended up giving a load of them away to friends and family. 

I did have success because he used to get me to plant various things and then take over responsibility for nurturing them over the weeks. I can’t recall specifically what I grew, but it involved things like potatoes, onions, sprouts, cabbage, carrots, tomatoes, parsnips, turnips, leeks etc.

I guess one of those. 

Now, Mrs PM enjoys doing a little gardening (flowers and plants as opposed to vegetables), which is fine by me. I have been known to help on the odd occasion that she needs some heavy lifting or digging – but I avoid it as much as I can.

12. What was your Dad like when you were a child?

My dad was amazing, apart from his love of gardening.

13. What is the best job you've ever had?

Actually, while I was at university, I was briefly a postman in between the terms and I really enjoyed it. It was quite satisfying strolling around the streets delivering letters and parcels. I still enjoy walking now and I think that if I were tempted to work again after I retire, I might consider it as a part time option if I get bored (which is unlikely).

14. What are your favourite songs?

I could write a book on this. But I will give you three examples of my current favourites:

15. If you could choose any talents to have, what would they be?

I would choose to be a good writer capable of writing a decent set of novels instead of churning out the nonsense you are reading right now. 

I would also choose to be able to play a guitar like Joe Satriani and keyboards like Jordan Rudess. I would also love to have the ability to write and sing decent songs.

Coronavirus Part 3

Welcome to a cloudy South Manchester on day 344 of restrictions. It looks like we are going to go for a complete year under some form of restrictions before things get better. We are still in full lockdown in the UK but there is talk of slowly lifting them over the coming months. With vaccinations in full flow, it shouldn’t be too long hopefully.

This week’s Sunday Stealing once again tackle the topic of Coronavirus so let’s just dive in head first shall we?

In the past year have you–

1. Gone without a bra (Plastic Mancunian & Bud may skip this one!)

I won’t skip the question because I think you all know the answer. I can safely say, with my hand on my heart, that I have gone without a bra for the past year. In fact I will go further – I have never ever worn a bra. I hope you didn’t think that I had.

2. Skipped making your bed.

No. One of us always makes the bed (usually the last one to get out of it). 

3. Ordered groceries to be delivered

I am not a fan of having groceries delivered because, more often than not, the supermarket messes up the order. They either substitute things with inferior versions, completely forget an item or completely mess things up. Mrs PM would order groceries to be delivered if it was up to her but I moan so much when they mess things up (every single time) that we actually make the journey there. Also, I often remember things when I am in the supermarket that I would have otherwise forgotten. Covid or no Covid – it is better to go to the shop.

4. Cooked a real meal

Absolutely. Mrs PM in particular has been experimenting with new recipes and she actually enjoys trying new things out. Last week, for example, she made pizza for the first time. I was absolutely astounded by the result – amazing.

5. Spent the day in pyjamas?

No. I like to get dressed as soon as I get up, lockdown or no lockdown. Besides, I usually start the day with a at least a 50 minute walk and I don’t fancy being seen in public in pyjamas.

6. Skipped shaving your legs

I can say, with my hand on my heart, that I have never shaved my legs. One thing I did shave was my beard. On Januarys 1st, I shaved it off because I was fed up with it but, on Mrs PM’s insistence, I have grown it back again.

7. Spent hours on Instagram or Pinterest

In 2020 I took a photo a day but didn’t put anything onto Instagram. In 2019 I added a photo to Instagram every day. This year I haven’t taken many photos or added anything to Instagram, but I think I might pop some of the better ones from 2020 on there. My photos are usually of things and scenes rather than people. 

As for Pinterest, I occasionally dabble but not often to be honest.

8. Eaten in a restaurant

Yes. In summer, were subject to restrictions but pubs and restaurants were open (though under strict rules of social distancing and other precautions), which allowed us to have a couple of meals out. It is one of the things I miss most.

9. Skipped washing your hair.

In the early days of the lockdown, before I bought some clippers and allowed Mrs PM to cut my hair, it grew quite long. Regular readers know that I hate my hair, especially when it is long and one of the only ways to bring it under control and make it more manageable was to skip the occasional day washing it. If I wash it and it is long it explodes outwards but if I just wet it, I can keep it flat. 

Now Mrs PM cuts it fairly regularly to keep it under control so I wash it every day.

10. Not folded the laundry

I always fold the laundry.

11. Worked a puzzle

I work in IT so I am confronted by puzzles every single day of the week. Outside of work I do like to have a go at puzzles too, like crosswords for example. So yes, I have “worked a puzzle” (although I have never heard that phrase before; it must be American).

12. Had Zoom calls

Yes – most recently last night with my two sons. Of course we have regular meetings at work too (although we use Microsoft Teams instead of Zoom).

13. Written letters.

No. I haven’t written a letter for decades. I have sent emails though. 

14. Binge watched a TV show

Yes – and I continue to do so. I am currently trawling through “The Expanse”, “Mayans MC”, “Travellers” and “Lovecraft Country”.

15.Gone barefoot

Only in the house. I'm not a fan of feet - even my own.

February

Welcome to a cloudy wet South Manchester on day 329 of Covid-19 restrictions. The good news is that vaccinations are going well. Currently 10,971,047 people have had their first dose in the UK with a further 505,993 having had their second. Apparently, they will get around to me sometime in the next two months, but we shall see. We are already hoping to catch some live cricket in late June or early July but we shall see. I fear that a trip abroad may not happen until later in the year (if at all) but I shall be watching developments with interest.

I guess it’s time to answer some silly questions from Sunday Stealing. 

I am being rebellious and calling this “February” rather than “January Part 2” because January is over (thank goodness) so I want to look forwards. 

Let’s dive in, shall we?

1.  Can you eat with chopsticks?

Of course I can. Having spent more than a year of my life in Hong Kong and eight weeks of my life in China, I have to use them really. It’s not difficult to be honest. I was taught by a guy from New Zealand with whom I was working, way back in 1995 in his favourite restaurant in Wan Chai, Hong Kong and by the end of the meal I was a master. Whenever we go to a Chinese or Japanese restaurant we always use them. 

2. Could you tell real money from counterfeit?

I certainly could in the United Kingdom. In China, however, I was unfortunate to have somebody give me a counterfeit note and it was only when I tried to spend it that I discovered that it was fake. I tried to get rid of it for two days in Beijing and failed miserably – it was worth about £10 I think. What amazed me was that everywhere I tried to spend it had a counterfeit note detector from a taxi driver to a stall on a street selling food. I pleaded innocence when confronted but eventually just gave up and threw it away.

3. What do you think about school uniforms?

I hated wearing a school uniform, particularly a school cap in my first two years in grammar school. It’s weird to see that the uniform is still the same today as it was back in the 1970s. 

4. What ancient civilization would you most like to visit?

Romans, without a shadow of a doubt. At school, I was forced to study Latin for five years but one of the good things about it was that we were given an insight into the Roman way of life. The course books told the story of a family in Pompeii, consisting of a banker called Caecilius, his wife Metella, their son Quintus and their cook Grumio and servant Clemens. 

I have had a taste of what life was like having visited Pompeii itself, which is brilliantly preserved (as tragic as its story is). I have also been to the Colloseum and Forum in Rome, which are also incredibly well preserved. 

I remember thinking, as I was walking around the streets of Pompeii, how I would like to jump in Dr Who’s Tardis and pop back to a time before Vesuvius destroyed the city and just spend an afternoon strolling around with a little cash and some pigeon Latin to help me chat to the locals.

5. What would make a great new Crayola color?

Teal – it may already exist, I don’t know. 

6. If an art project is created with the intent of getting rich and famous, does that cast doubt over its significance as a work of art?

I am a huge sceptic when it comes to the world of art, specifically contemporary modern art. In my opinion, people who produce the garbage that hangs on the walls of modern art museums or the ridiculous sculptures and other rubbish are simply ripping off the pseudo-intellectuals who are crazy enough to pay money for them. The artists who compete for the Turner Prize are definitely doing so for the money and fame and they produce ridiculous works of art that make me question the sanity of the people who laud them.

I wrote a post some time ago about this and produced two "works of art" to prove how stupid it was. 

If anybody wants to buy one of my masterpieces (called “Naughty Cat” and “Plastic Man”), please send me £500,000 (for each one) and I will gladly claim that they are significant as works of art – just to make you feel good about buying the pieces of crap.

7. What do you get in trouble for the most?

Ranting probably. I don’t get into trouble as a rule but sometimes at work I sit and listen to ridiculous nonsense coming from Human Resources and Senior Management and struggle to contain myself. And then something pushes me over the edge and I rant mercilessly about it. 

I have found myself at odds with certain managers as a result and, to be honest, I don’t care. For example, many years ago I told a bunch of new starters that our Quality System was a waste of time. What I didn’t know was that the Quality Manager was standing behind me listening to every word that I had said. 

I stood by my words though because at the time they were ridiculous. 

There is a lot of corporate nonsense that irks me today, not just with my own company but generally. One day, when I am free of the shackles of work, I may spill the beans when there will be no comebacks.

Put it this way – I can see why Dilbert appeals to people.

 

8.  Do you blow your nose in public?

Yes – if I need to. The alternative is worse – I’ll leave that to your imagination.

9. If all the nations in the world are in debt, where did all the money go?

Greedy Bankers and the pockets of people like Jeff Bezos and Larry Ellison.

10. Is it as easy to make you happy now as it was when you were a child?

Absolutely – probably easier because now I am in control.

11. Who knows more...you, or your parents?

My parents thought they understood me – but they didn’t really.

12. What instrument would you like to be famous for playing?

The guitar – no question.

I would love to be able to play as well as this guy.

13. Would you have sex with a stranger for one million dollars?

I would only do that if I weren’t with Mrs PM or anybody else because such an act would seriously damage a relationship. 

14. Are you completely in control of your body?

Yes – apart from when I am asleep, I guess, because I am unconscious the whole time and usually wake up in a different position from when I went to sleep.

15. What is the coolest web site you know of?

The Plastic Mancunian of course. And you are cool for reading it.