Goodbye 2018

So 2019 is almost upon us but 2018, so far, has been a fairly good year – much better than the previous two years that’s for sure. I’ve neglected the blog a bit this year, which is a shame really. To be honest I’m still in two minds as to whether I should actually continue with it.  For now I will but I may decide to end it next year. Let’s see how it goes.

For now, I shall post my traditional summary of the year with a series of questions that I dust off annually around this time of year.

1.What did you do in 2018 that you’d never done before?

I didn’t really do anything new this year but I did discover something that has proved to be quite useful. While on holiday, I read something about forming habits that intrigued me. The idea is that if you force yourself to do something every day, it will naturally become a habit after 66 days. I was very interested in this so I downloaded an application to my phone that helps you to record your chosen habit and reminds you if you forget. The application is called HabitBull and so far I have used it to force myself to learn Spanish words every day and also do something called Freewriting, which is basically where you sit in front of a blank sheet of paper and write whatever comes into your head, ignoring grammar, spelling and, most importantly of all, self-criticism.

With the help of HabitBull I have achieved 111 days of consecutive Spanish study (only a few minutes a day) and 54 consecutive days of Freewriting.

Not bad eh? I plan to add new habits in 2019.

2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I started off trying to be more positive and it worked for the first part of the year. I also gave myself some monthly goals which also worked until around June. I shall try a few resolutions this year but I don’t know what they will be yet.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Two very good friends of mine became grandparents this year – I guess that counts.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

An old workmate of mine died earlier this year. He was only 61.

5. What countries did you visit?

This year was great for travel. In April we visited some friends in Abu Dhabi. We also had a long weekend in Porto, Portugal and Brindisi in Italy.

I revisited Croatia for the first time in almost thirty years with a week in Porec and we had a late summer week in Marbella.

Sunset in Marbella

6. What would you like to have in 2019 that you lacked in 2018?

I would like common sense to prevail and for the UK to finally scrap Brexit. I am currently embarrassed for my country and the fucking mess that we are in thanks to stupid politicians who are thinking of their own self-interest rather than the country.

I feel like we are turkeys that have voted in favour of Christmas.

We are fucking idiots!

7. What dates from 2018 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

No specific dates but I will remember the period between May and September where we had the hottest summer on record. It was hotter in the UK during those months than in some places in Europe.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

I stupidly agreed to climb the Old Man of Coniston, a small mountain in the Lake District. It was a test of how fit I am and, while I managed it, I was bloody knackered at the end of it. While that sounds like a hard thing to do, it wasn’t really because there are paths up the mountain – but it was steep and once we reached the top, we walked down and around it. In total it was a nine mile walk. The pint of ale at the end of the walk when we returned to Coniston was the best pint I had all year.

As an aside, this blog reached it’s 10 year anniversary.

View from the Old Man of Coniston

9. What was your biggest failure?

Probably to lose weight. Don’t get me wrong – I’m not fat but I did have a vague plan to lose about 6 pounds. Instead I am the same weight as this time last year. I’ll probably try again in 2019.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Only aching limbs after climbing a mountain.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

I bought a Kindle Paperwhite because my old Kindle suddenly died. I can read the new Kindle in the dark – which is a great thing.

Sadly, however, a month after the Kindle Paperwhite arrived, I found the old dead Kindle and impulsively tried it – and the bloody thing started working.

So now I have two Kindles! I guess I can use the old one as a spare.

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?

My PM award this year goes to the England football team who, against all odds, managed to reach the World Cup semi-finals, winning a penalty shootout on the way. I have never hugged so many strangers in the space of a month in my life.

Oh My GOD! We won a penalty shootout!!

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?

Donald J Trump is still President and still being an utter dickhead!

Theresa May and her government are still fucking up everything and thanks to them we are the laughing stock of the world.

14. Where did most of your money go?

Holidays and redecoration of the lounge. But the good news is that we have paid of the mortgage!

Hurray!

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

England’s World Cup campaign is a tough one to beat but I was quite excited about going to Croatia. 

Also, I saw Polish progressive rock band Riverside for the first time (see next question).

16. What song will always remind you of 2018?

Lament by the wonderful Riverside.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: (a) happier or sadder? (b) thinner or fatter? (c) richer or poorer?

I am much happier, almost the same weight  and possibly a little richer.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

I’ve neglected this blog and writing in general. Thankfully, Freewriting may help and my decision on whether to continue the blog partly depends on this.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Eating.

20. How will you spend New Year's Eve?

We’re going to Chester this year to have a meal and dance with some friends.

21. Did you fall in love in 2018?

No need. Mrs PM is still here with me.

22. What was your favourite TV program?

I like the Netflix superhero series and the new Doctor Who with Jodie Whitaker.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

No. I still hate Trump, Morgan, Farage et al.

24. What was the best book you read?

I thoroughly enjoyed the Pandemic  and Genome by AG Riddle.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?

I discovered a new Progressive Rock supergroup called Sons of Apollo. Not a bad band at all.

26. What did you want and get?

A fantastic summer.

27. What did you want and not get?

And end to Brexit.

28. What was your favourite film of this year?

I loved Avengers: Infinity War and I also thoroughly enjoyed Mission Impossible: Fallout.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I was on holiday in Marbella and Mrs PM took me out for a lovely meal. I am 56 years old.

30. What one thing made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Nothing this year really.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2018?

My aim as usual is to try not to look like a total dickhead when I go out. Mrs PM helps me achieve that because I couldn’t do it on my own.

32. What kept you sane?

My beautiful Mrs PM as usual.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

I saw Nightwish in December so I shall nominate their lead singer, Floor Jansen.

34. What political issue stirred you the most?

Fucking Brexit!

35. Who did you miss?

The people I usually miss. Nobody new.

36. Who was the best new person you met?

I’ve met quite a few new people this year – all of them great.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2018.

Never trust a broken Kindle.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

You've got the future on your side

You gonna be fine now

I know whatever you decide

You're gonna shine

Don't let the day go by

Don't let it end

Don't let a day go by, in doubt

You're ready to begin

And finally...

I’m looking forward to 2019 – another year older but another year closer to retirement.

And who knows? Maybe The Plastic Mancunian blog may be here this time next year.

Three Lions On A Shirt

Last week, in Canada, I had a chat with our American coach driver, a very nice chap called Larry from Seattle. The conversation went something like this:

PM: So, Larry, are you looking forward to June 12th?

Larry: Why? What’s happening on June 12th?

PM: It’s the big game.

Larry: What big game?

PM: Larry, the World Cup starts on June 11th.

Larry: Oh, you mean the soccer World Cup?

PM: Yes.

Larry: So what’s happening on June 12th?

PM: The big game.

Larry: Oh – Are England playing?

PM: Yes … against …?

Larry: Who?

PM: Against the USA!!!

Larry: Oh! I didn’t know America had qualified.

PM: WHAT?????

Larry simply didn’t know that the USA had qualified for World Cup and that they had been drawn in the same group as England. And he wasn’t a special case by any means. The majority of Americans are simply not interested in “soccer” and have little or no idea that their nation are competing in the world’s greatest sporting event. Most Americans are preoccupied with baseball, American football and basketball.

The conversation continued:

PM: So will you be watching the game?

Larry: No.

I was amazed. Larry understood the basic rules of football (or “soccer” as Americans call it) but had no interest in the sport whatsoever. He went on to explain that although many Americans play “soccer”, the other three major sports are simply too popular.

He had heard of David Beckham though.

Unlike America, England and most other countries are in the throes of ecstasy counting down the seconds until the big kick off on June 11th.

In England, the cross of St George is being attached to cars; pubs across the country are being decorated with huge flags and signs urging punters to watch every single game on large high definition screens while supping vast quantities of ale; work places are preparing for mass exoduses every day so that fans can get home or to the pub to watch as many games as possible.

Mrs PM has resigned herself to becoming a football widow for the next four weeks as I prepare to watch as many games as possible, altering my schedules to accommodate the games.

Some weeks ago, Mrs PM arranged something for June 12th, unaware that this was the day of England’s first game. Her plan was for us to visit friends in Congleton so that we could go for a meal in the town centre and perhaps enjoy one or two beers in a pub. The conversation went something like this:

Mrs PM: We’re going to Congleton on June 12th. It will be nice to see M and S and go for a meal and a few drinks.

PM: June 12th? The World Cup starts on June 11th. You can’t make any plans during the World Cup.

Mrs PM: But it’s the only date that the four of us can make.

PM: Let me look at the fixture list.

Several seconds pass …

PM: NO WAY!!!! England are playing the USA. Absolutely no way!! I want to be watching the game with beer and not in some restaurant having a meal. Have you checked with M? He will want to watch the game too.

Mrs PM: He’s a rugby fan.

PM: He is also a football fan.

Mrs PM: I’ll call S.

PM: I’ll bet S hasn’t checked with M. He will feel the same.

Two minutes later …

Mrs PM: OK – the plan is for us to go to Congleton and watch the England game at their house.

PM: Have they got a big telly?

Mrs PM: Yes

PM: And will there be beer?

Mrs PM: Yes.

PM: And can we drive there in between games?

Mrs PM: Yes.

PM: Good – we’ll go.

Mrs PM: I HATE football!!!!!

Similar situations will occur all over England. Unfortunately, however, in Scotland it will be somewhat different.

Scotland have failed to qualify for the World Cup and, rather than supporting their more successful and more illustrious neighbours, they will be supporting A.B.E. i.e. Anybody But England.

There is a fierce rivalry between England and Scotland in terms of football that is a little difficult to explain. When I say “rivalry”, what I really mean is a “jealous hatred of England by bitter Scottish fans”.

Why do most Scots hate England? Well I guess “Braveheart” might have had something to do with it, with our rather nasty historic rivalry but I think the real reason is much simpler to explain.

England have won the World Cup and Scotland haven’t.

And the Scots are as jealous as hell.

Until recently, I had a little bit of a soft spot for Scotland. As a child I remember watching Scotland’s exploits in the World Cup and I actually supported their efforts. Scotland, as I saw it, were part of the United Kingdom and therefore worthy of my support behind England.

Sadly, most Scottish fans do not think this way and absolutely detest England, choosing to support whoever England are playing. You can guarantee that on Saturday June 12th, 90% of Scots will become Americans for the day, making up for the fact that 90% of Americans will not be interested. Then on June 18th, the Scots will become honorary Algerians when Algeria play England – and so on.

It’s sad really. I have tried to understand it by talking to a wee Scottish friend of mine who, like his compatriots, thinks this way. I call him Hawkeye (from “Hawkeye the Noo”), the reason being that he calls me Dilbert.

Hawkeye hates England so much that he has actually turned me against Scotland. As I said earlier, I used to cheer the Scots (unless they were playing England) but Hawkeye has simply turned me against his country. And believe me, he never misses a chance to throw salt in the wounds.

Here’s an example:

During the 2002 World Cup in South Korea and Japan, England were playing Brazil in the quarter finals. England took the lead through Michael Owen. I was tempted to send a text message to Hawkeye, asking him what he thought of the goal – but I thought better of it. I foolishly believed that my wee Scottish chum would secretly be wanting England to progress to the semi finals.

Sadly I was wrong – so very wrong.

Brazil equalised and then scored a bizarre winner as Ronaldinho took a chance and scored directly from a free kick. The final whistle went with Brazil winning 2-1, dumping England out of the cup. Within two seconds of the referee removing the whistle from his mouth, my mobile phone chirped and I read a text message from my Scottish friend that simply said something along the lines of:

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

I was gutted and I almost – almost – texted back with a message full of anger and expletives.

I think that was the turning point when I decided that I would no longer support Scotland in any way, shape or form. Scotland deserved nothing but contempt and I would now support A.B.S. - Anybody But Scotland.

In the intervening eight years, I have mellowed somewhat and secretly wish the Scottish football team well despite the hatred and vitriol that comes from this bitter wee Scot (although I will never tell him that).

I aim to get my revenge hopefully, because if England do win the World Cup I will never, ever, ever, ever let him forget it. I will sing to him constantly:

It’s Coming Home, It’s Coming Home, It’s Coming – Football’s Coming Home.

Getting back to June 12th, for the benefit of any Americans who have stumbled on this post, I implore you to take an interest in the game on June 12th and to support your country against the mighty England. I think that now is the time to embrace football and make the following name changes:

(1) Rename “Soccer” to “Football”
(2) Rename “American Football” to “Padded Rugby” (because that is effectively what it is).

By all means, watch baseball etc. but find time in your schedule to watch football too. It’s a fantastic game worthy of your interests.

To any Scots reading this post, please try to put the bitterness behind you. England are worthy of your support – just because your football team wins nothing it doesn’t mean that your destructive jealousy should get the better of you. By supporting England, at least you might have some moments of pleasure.

And finally, to the other nations in the World Cup, I extend my best wishes (unless you are Germany, Portugal or Argentina – and you know why). I even want Australia to beat the Germans on June 13th (though I hope that England beat Australia later in the unlikely event that Australia can qualify).

I’ll leave you with a couple of England anthems, which I dedicate to my wee Scottish friend, Hawkeye, and I really hope that his good lady wife, a true football supporting English woman, will carry out her threat to paint the flag of St George on his roof, and hang England bunting in every single room of his house.







Come on England!!!!!!!

We’re gonna score one more than you!!