How's the Weather?

We are still in lockdown in the UK but things are easing. Yesterday pubs, hairdressers and “non-essential” shops opened, meaning that we are heading in the right direction over here. Social distancing is still recommended and we are pretty good at being sensible here – except when alcohol is involved of course. 

I don’t intend to try going to a pub this week but I did take a walk yesterday to see what was happening. In the afternoon people were finally getting their hair cut and sensibly drinking a pint in pubs. However, as the evening wore on, especially in London, the news reported that people were being a little blasé with social distancing. 

Still, the good news is that the number of new cases is dropping now; we are in the realms of around 500 to 600 new cases per day (as opposed to 5000 to 6000 a few weeks ago). 

As much as we hated the restrictions, they do seem to be working. Let’s just hope that there aren’t any more spikes now some of them are being lifted.

In the UK, we seem to be obsessed with the weather and it therefore seems apt to answer a few questions about our favourite subject from Sunday Stealing. 

Shall we dive in?

1. Have you ever had a vacation ruined by the weather or did you just work around it?

Yes. A few years ago, we flew halfway across the world to go to Thailand, more specifically the island of Koh Samui. Sadly we messed up because as we landed we discovered that we were right in the middle of the rainy season. Had we travelled further north we would have been fine. 

I love thunderstorms and when they explode around my vicinity I watch them in fascination. You would have thought that I would have enjoyed several thunderstorms a day for the best part of a week. 

I didn’t. 

I watched the storm on the first day from the hotel balcony, trying to take photographs of lightning and failing. But when the storm continued day after day I was sick of them. One day when the rain stopped, we went for a walk only to have an hour’s respite before the next storm came. We sheltered in a bar for a couple of hours as the rain poured down so hard that the streets were flooded. In the end we walked back to the hotel in shin-deep water. Thankfully it was still very hot and I had shorts and beach shoes on so it wasn’t too bad. 

The whole holiday was a total disaster.

2. What small changes do you feel people could make to give the planet a fighting chance against global warming?

I would think that if people walked, cycled or even used public transport more then their individual carbon footprint would be reduced. We have seen the effects of lockdown in various countries on carbon emissions. There is a lesson to be learned right there.

3. Are you adversely affect by the weather, such as SAD?

Only in winter. I am generally a happy person but in January and February, when the days are short, cold and grey I feel less happy. This time of year is the best because the days are really long; the sun comes up at around 4am and sets at around 9:30pm. 

4. How is the weather where you are and have you seen drastic changes in it during your life time?

At the moment we are having a rather wet July. The sun is out but there are grey clouds. May this year was fantastic, with the sun shining and the temperature being in the high twenties most days. Summers in England tend to be warm but there is usually rain at some point. 

Over my lifetime I have seen some amazing changes in weather. In Walsall, were I was born and lived for 18 years, winters were quite harsh and if there was snow in the UK there was snow in Walsall. In Manchester, we rarely get snow – which is fine by me because I hate the stuff – but we do get more than our fair share of rain. In the last few years, I have noticed the temperature rising, culminating in a summer in 2018 where it hardly rained for three months and the temperature was constantly in the mid to high twenties, reaching the heady heights of mid thirties on a few days. 

That was odd. But every day we see records being broken in the UK, particularly with heat and rainfall. This is why is difficult to deny that there is something going on in terms of climate change.

5. Do you think we can stop global warming or is it too late?

I think that it’s too late but that we can take steps to mitigate it. Unfortunately I don’t see this happening unless we have regular COVID-19 lockdowns. One thing I hope is that the effects of the lockdown on the environment may actually wake people up and make them act differently. There are too many climate change sceptics around to make a difference. We can only hope that technology and the introduction of new ways of travelling and behaving in the future can do something. The trends do not support this though and I fear we are on a downward spiral, particularly when our so-called leaders do not believe it is a problem (and yes I am talking about the Orange Goblin in the White House, Bolsonaro in Brazil and Xi Jinping in China).

6. What could you do for an hour or so today that you would really enjoy doing?

Mrs PM has gone to see here mother for the first time since the lockdown and I have the house to myself. I will take the opportunity to do a little writing (I have rebooted my third travelogue, which is all about a trip to Japan about 7 years ago) before watching a football match on TV in a couple of hours. It will all be thoroughly enjoyable. 

7. What could you do for an hour today that might improve your life in the future?

I am looking forward to retirement and have been concentrating on working out when it is feasible to do so. I plan to spend a little time on this too hopefully. 

8. What could you do for an hour today that could strengthen or improve a skill you would like to be able to rely on?

As I said above, a little writing. The blog is good practice and also a little freewriting and attacking the travelogue will all help to get me into the groovy habit of writing and hopefully improve my technique.

9. What could you do for an hour today that would make your living space more pleasant to live in?

The living space is already quite pleasant. I’ve already put some washing in and cleaned up the kitchen after lunch. It took about an hour so that’s a good result.

10. What could you do for an hour today that would improve your relationships with loved ones?

Call them I guess. I could have gone with Mrs PM to see here mother but, being a hypochondriac, I’m still a little uncomfortable about taking advantage of the lowering of restrictions. I’ll get there but not just yet.

11. Do you like, dislike, or pay no attention to the wind?

I love the wind. There is no better feeling than climbing up a high hill on a windy day and getting a lungful of fresh untainted air. It’s totally exhilarating.

12. Do you have allergies or sinus made worse by the wind?

My only real allergy is hay fever and that is probably aggravated by the wind if I’m honest. Luckily, I only suffer in June and it has massively improved over the years, so much so that I no longer have to take medication for it. 

13. Have you ever been caught in a big wind (not a hurricane or tornado)?

Yes – many times. It is not pleasant if it is accompanied by rain though.

14. When was the last time you flew a kite?

I have never flown a kite nor do I have any intention of trying to do so. I think it is pointless – sorry.

15.Would you like to have the power of flight?

Of course (assuming that I could get over my fear of heights). Every time I see birds hopping around from tree to tree or just gliding around I am filled with envy.

Dear Mother Nature

Dear Mother Nature,

I went for a walk at lunchtime today, as I do on every other working day. I have three routes; one is 1.5 miles, the second is 1.8 miles and, for days when I am feeling particularly stressed and/or energetic, the third is 2.1 miles.

When I left the office, the sun was shining and, although it was chilly, I was content and comfortable. I opted for the 1.8 mile walk and, having pressed reset on my pedometer, I set off, with a high tempo song pounding on my iPod to help me keep a brisk pace.

However, as I approached the 0.9 mile point, I suddenly remembered two things that I had forgotten at the start of my walk.

The first thing was that British weather is totally unpredictable.

The second, and most important thing, was that I had left my umbrella in the car.

What prompted this sudden total recall?

It suddenly started pissing down with rain. There was no warning whatsoever; it was like you had decided to turn on the shower with maximum water pressure.

And what song was playing on my iPod when this deluge occurred?

November Rain by Guns’n’Roses:




Is this your idea of a joke? You wait until exactly half way through my walk, when I am at the furthest point from the shelter of the office and decide to drench me in rainwater with no shelter but the leafless trees at the side of the pavement. The fact that November Rain was on must have been the icing on the cake.

When I finally got back to the office, having navigated my way back through steamed up and drenched spectacles, I looked like a drowned rat.

My work colleagues were merciless. I spent the entire afternoon in a state of damp despondency trying to ignore water related puns from amused colleagues.

And my hair, which is a pain at the best of times, finally dried in a style that can best be described as “disturbing to children”.

Why, Mother Nature? Why?

I’d like to ask for a few favours regarding the weather in Britain. Have you got a pen?

(1) Instead of dumping the entire contents of the Atlantic Ocean onto the UK, Manchester in particular, can you please send it to America instead?

(2) Yes, I know we need rain to survive but if it must rain, can you please make sure that it happens between the hours of midnight and 6am, when I am safely tucked up in my warm bed?

(3) British weather is unpredictable at best – even in the summer when it is supposed to be warm. Most summers, we have mostly bad cold weather, occasionally interspersed with a few good sunny days. I like those sunny days. During summer, can you please make sure that we have warm sunny days (25 °C will do – I’m not fussy).

(4) I hate snow. I used to love it as a kid but now it is horrible and also dangerous. The whole country grinds to a halt, particularly when temperatures drop so low that it freezes. Can you please take all the snow to the North Pole where it belongs?

(5) And talking of cold weather, can you please arrange for us to have mild winters? I’m looking for temperatures of 15 °C minimum.

(6) I realise that I am sounding a little selfish here so, on behalf of the rest of the world, can you stop creating hurricanes, typhoons and monsoons? I am sure the people of the world can survive with standard rainstorms with a little bit of wind rather than the monstrosities that rampage around the world – including those hurricanes that find their way over to the UK and cause lots of damage and general trauma.

Is it too much to ask?

Your name suggests that you are a mother and I am sure that a good kind mother would not want to play such a nasty prank on one of her children – i.e. me.

There are lots of us in the world and I am sure that we all have similar complaints. There’s a guy called Santa who actually takes requests at Christmas.

Can’t you do the same?

I’m sure you chuckled as I dragged my drenched and bedraggled form back to the office for hours of ridicule (I might have done the same had it happened to somebody else) – but this is not the first time it has happened. Even when I have had the foresight to take my brolly, you have somehow conjured up 100mph winds to render it useless and make me even more saturated.

I hope you listen to me – I am sure you are a nice person really.

Yours hopefully,

Plastic Mancunian.

P.S. An alternative to dumping the rain on the UK might be to dump it on France – apart from when I am there on holiday of course.

Autumn In Didsbury

We’ve had a pretty dreadful summer, here in the UK in terms of weather, with torrential rain, floods and a generally depressing outlook that drove me abroad for my summer break. 

And now the summer has gone, all we have to look forward to is cold weather, more rain and short days.

However, occasionally, the weather surprises me.  Autumn in the UK can be beautiful particularly on a bright day. Today has been such a day. I opened the curtains this morning and saw a clear blue cloud free sky with sunshine all around.

Mrs PM and I decided to go for a walk to make the most of this beautiful day. The temperature was agreeable too – a pleasant 15 °C, nice enough to resurrect my summer coat, possibly for the last time this year.

The leaves are now changing colour shortly before the trees shed them for the winter and the sunshine enhances the tones making a pleasant walk just that bit more special.

I would like to share that with you, dear reader, to prove that sometimes, on the odd occasion, we can have a delightful day in England.

Care to join us for a walk around Didsbury? Come on then - let's go.

First of all, here is proof that autumn is indeed upon us:

The squirrels are out in force in Didsbury Park, collecting nuts for winter - even checking the bins:

The colours of the trees in Fletcher Moss are wonderful:

Here's a nice path through the woods:

It's still a bit wet from the summer rain, but the reflections in the water are nice:

More beautiful trees by the River Mersey:

It really is sunny - and my shadow makes me look a lot taller:

Time for a pint before getting home?  

Sadly - no! I'm on call. 

Oh well, maybe next time.

Wind Of Change

One of the things that foreigners say about British people is that we are obsessed with the weather.

And do you know what? I think they are right.

There is a reason for this obsession – our weather in the British Isles is so crap, so unpredictable, so utterly irritating that it does make a good topic for conversation.

Take the last couple of weeks for example.

Two weeks ago we had unseasonably high temperatures in March; in fact it was the hottest March on record. We were basking in temperatures of 24°C. People throughout the United Kingdom were out in shorts and thoroughly enjoying the warm temperature.

Mrs PM and I walked into Didsbury and sat outside at a local café eating a nice early evening meal with a pint of fine ale; it had a definite continental feel to it. People were walking past in T-shirts and shorts, remarking that we were perhaps, for once, in for a great summer. Sunglasses were ubiquitous and I even heard people talking about using sun block for their kids.

In a little place called Aboyne in the northern reaches of Scotland, they too were enjoying the highest temperatures they had experienced in March.

Fast forward a few days and everything changed.

The temperatures plummeted. In Manchester, having enjoyed 24°C, we suddenly found ourselves waking up to frozen cars and days were the temperature barely scraped 4°C. A huge cloud, weighed down with snow, drifted south depositing several inches over the United Kingdom. The Pennine roads were blocked and impassable; a friend of mine who commutes from Halifax, found himself snowed in.

Aboyne, that pleasant little village in Aberdeenshire that had been basking in the sunshine, now found itself covered in six inches of snow.

And all of this happened in a few days.

Is it any surprise that we are so utterly obsessed with the weather?

The weather forecast is mandatory viewing for most Brits simply because we have no idea what on earth Mother Nature is going to dump on us.

I have in the past seen all four seasons in one day. One June many years ago, I woke up and saw that it was snowing – yes that is correct – snowing in the summer. By midday the snow had turned to rain and in the afternoon we had glorious sunshine.

The weather is that mad.

Nevertheless, we never get extremes. A comedian remarked on TV recently that our weather is rarely so extreme that it is dangerous.

We have had a hurricane – and the weather forecasters failed to predict that – so it caused havoc in the South of England. But that is a very rare event. We don't get cyclones or tornadoes.

We have had a fair temperature range though. The highest recorded temperature in the UK is 38.5 °C with the lowest being -26.1°C.

In my own personal experience, the highest temperature I have encountered in the UK was 35 °C and the lowest about -15 °C.

Of course, outside the UK I have experienced more extremes. The highest temperature I have had to endure was during August in Las Vegas, when the temperature soared to a massive 45°C. I remember the pain involved with that. Walking outside was agonizing and we hotel-hopped down the famous Las Vegas Strip, just so that we could avoid as much of the sun as possible. At one point, Mrs PM and I were waiting for a bus and wilting so much that we just dived into a cab.

Compare that with the lowest temperature I have had to endure; -20 °C in Moscow in Winter. I wore two pairs of socks and a coat that was so big that I looked like the Michelin man. It was so bad that my nose was running and the liquid snot was freezing as soon as it cleared the sanctuary of my nostrils.

And I lost my woolly hat and gloves, thankfully the day before I left. I thought my nose was going to drop off.

We rarely get such extremes in the UK and I am thankful for that. Yes, we have to put up with bizarre weather, damp weather, cloudy dull days, foggy mornings, snow, and rainy summers.

It will be amusing to discover what the British weather has in store for us when the Olympics come to London later this year.

But on those days in late spring, summer and early autumn, when the weather decides to become seasonal and stable and the sun shines on our lovely countryside, with blue skies and big fluffy white clouds, I realise why I love being in Britain.

I still take a coat and an umbrella with me though – because you never know.

A Very British Post (Part One)

Today, I came across an article that discussed the traits of British people, those items that are typically British and the various stereotypes and icons that foreigners consider to be quintessentially British. Intrigued by this, I decided to dedicate a couple of posts to this very subject. The first is about the people (of which I am a prime specimen).

On my foreign travels I have met many people who have fixed ideas about what it means to be British. Some people have the opinion that Britain is a bizarre place full of eccentrics; others think that we moan a lot; still more think that we are so reserved that the expression on our face never changes.

Here is a list of some of the traits of British people according to some foreigners:

Bad teeth: apparently there is a school of thought, possibly originating in America, that we have odd, misshapen, crooked, yellow teeth that stick out of our mouths like those of a tiger shark. I am aware that Mike Myers depicted Austin Powers to have dreadful teeth in his three hit movies but in reality our teeth aren’t that bad. From a personal point of view, I visit the dentist every six months for a thorough check up and usually come away without requiring any treatment. I have to admit that compared to our American counterparts, though, perhaps our teeth aren’t perfect. You seldom see a “Hollywood” smile in Britain, where people have a row of perfectly sized, even teeth that are so white you need sunglasses to look at them.

Obsession with the weather: I believe this to be true. Usually, the opening manoeuvre in a conversation is to talk about the weather. Why? Well my own personal opinion is that the weather in the British Isles is so changeable that you cannot guarantee what it will be like at any time during the day, even in the summer. This is one of the reasons I am so annoyed when I see a weather forecast in the morning. Carol Kirkwood will tell me, on BBC Breakfast news, that we should have a warm sunny day. So I leave the house without a coat or an umbrella and I can almost guarantee that I will be caught in a spontaneous, localised freak rain shower that drenches me from head to toe. And this is not just in Manchester either. Once I experienced all four seasons in one day. I went for a walk in May a few years ago and when I set off, the weather was beautiful. Within hours it was raining and then suddenly I was hit with a freak hailstorm. An hour later it was sunny again. This is typical of our weather is also the reason we talk about it all the time.

Obsession with the royal family: The royal family, for me, are merely figureheads and there are two key schools of thought as far as they are concerned. First there are those who love them and are utterly obsessed with them. Second, there are those who regard them as obsolete and want them to stand down. I am somewhere in between. Personally. I am not interested in anything that they say or do; to me they are just self-important celebrities who mean nothing. I wouldn’t care if the Queen’s head was removed from postage stamps for example. I never watch the Queen’s speech on Christmas Day because she is so divorced from reality that everything she says is irrelevant. Still, those that love them do so with gusto. As soon as there is a royal wedding the whole nation comes to a standstill and we all get out our flags and wave – well the royalists do anyway. I just go about my daily life as usual.

Politeness and being reserved: Foreign people see British people as both polite and reserved and to a certain extent this is true. As a nation we are not brash or pushy and we do like to say “please” and “thank you”. Where this comes from I don’t know. You can guarantee that if we have a grievance, we will generally address it politely and will not explode in a tsunami of arrogance and rage – there are exceptions of course. The only problem I see with the “reserved” tag is that we are perceived as being unfriendly, which is far from the truth. I feel that British people tend not to want to intrude and impose on other people’s lives. Personally I don’t care. I am reserved to a certain degree (unless I’ve had too much beer) and am a very friendly chap.

Stiff upper lip: In a similar way to being reserved, we are regarded as being devoid of emotion, i.e. we have the ability to maintain a “stiff upper lip” in the face of adversity. To be honest, I regard this as hogwash. Maybe in the past it was a desirable skill but in today’s times this “stiff upper lip” mentality is probably only encouraged in royalty and the military. That said, most British men will never admit to crying. I do, but only when caught out by a surprise ending in a film. I have been known to leave a cinema, pretending to “have something in my eyes”.

Queuing: I was surprised by this because people queue in other countries. We are perceived as a nation who will happily stand in a queue for hours and despise people who attempt to push in (like Germans for example). If you ever see a queue abroad and notice British people in that queue, just for a laugh try to push in. You will certainly hear these people moan and very politely direct you to the rear of the queue. However, if you approach politely and ask to push in, you may be lucky. From a personal point of view, I despise queuing and will endeavour to do my very best to push in – or simply avoid them.

Humour, irony and self-deprecation: We love to laugh at ourselves and put ourselves down and we are very good at it. In my opinion, we are the funniest people in the world, so funny in fact that a lot of foreigners just don’t get it. Take Monty Python for example. There are British people who do not like Monty Python, but the majority of us do – and we understand why it is so funny. On my first trip to America, we were staying with a family in New Jersey. As soon as I walked through the door, I was cornered by the head of the family who said: “Before we eat I want to know two things. First, why is Monty Python funny? Second, what the hell is cricket?” I struggled to answer both questions but the most difficult was why Monty Python was funny. To me it just is. Take the “Argument Clinic” sketch for example:




Now I find this hilarious. Do you? If you do, then you “get it”. And what about irony? For example, there is a feeling in Britain that Americans just don’t understand it. I came across this on the web recently:

SAN FRANCISCO MAN BECOMES FIRST AMERICAN TO GRASP SIGNIFICANCE OF IRONY - Jay Fullmer, 38, yesterday became the first American to get to grips with the concept of irony. "It was weird," Fullmer said, "I was in London and, like, talking to this guy and it was raining and he pulled a face and said, "great weather, eh?" and I thought "wait a minute, no way is it great weather." Fullmer then realised that the other man's 'mistake' was in fact deliberate.

Fullmer, who is 39 next month and married with two children, aged 8 and 3, plans to use irony himself in future. "I'm like using it all the time," he said. "Last weekend I was grilling steaks and I burned them to sh*t and I said, 'Hey, great weather!'"

Here are some examples of British humour from some of my favourite shows:



















I’m sure you will agree – very funny.

Finally, I would just like to ask any non-British people reading this post what they think are the traits of British people (be nice, please).

I will return with a post about British food.