The Alpha Male

I’ve just discovered something about myself that I didn’t know, which is amazing considering that I've lived over half a century.

What's more, I’ve also discovered something that I didn’t know about my gender.

First of all, I thought that were two types of male: alpha males and non-alpha males.

I am partially right about the grouping. However, what I didn't know what that non-alpha males are further subdivided into subgroups. To summarise:

An alpha male is effectively the leader of the pack, the man who seems to attract the most women, the natural leader in a work environment whose confidence knows no bounds. He is competitive and demanding and tries to ensure that he cannot be dethroned from his position as leader.

A beta male is your best mate, the guy who will do anything for you. He is the second in command to the alpha male and, in many ways, a better partner for the opposite sex simply because he is more cooperative and helpful and knows how to maintain peace and harmony. He is sure of himself and, unlike the alpha male, does not feel the need to prove himself. Basically a beta male is a nice guy.

And then there is the omega male. He is a loser, a man who does not take responsibility for anything. The omega male is the weirdo, the creepy guy who sits in the corner and doesn’t engage with anybody; the strange fellow who doesn’t have a girlfriend and probably never will. He is essentially the exact opposite of an alpha male.

But there’s more.

The delta male is your general everyday guy. There is nothing special about him and nothing particularly bad. He is the guy you see down the pub with his mates who likes to think he is an alpha male but isn’t really. A delta male is a crowd pleaser, somebody who will follow fashion, act like an alpha male but then stop short of being one.

And still there’s more.

How about the gamma male? The gamma male is the unusual man who thinks that the world is against him and that he is really the best man around. He doesn’t conform and everything he does is for personal gain. He is a man not to be trusted.

There can’t be more, can there? Oh yes.

Let me introduce you to the sigma male. He is the lone wolf, the man who is happy in his own skin and does not follow the masses like a lost sheep or conform to anything he doesn’t believe in. The sigma male will never allow himself to be dominated by an alpha male.

That must be it. Nope – there is one final man I want to tell you about.

The lambda male is, I guess, gay, though from what I can gather he isn’t necessarily that way inclined.

So what kind of male am I? Judging from my own words above, I would put myself in the beta or delta category. However, for a laugh I have tried a few personality quizzes to help me determine my place once and for all.

To be honest, I take such personality quizzes with a pinch of salt, especially since the time that Scientologists used one to try to recruit me by convincing me that I was a suicidal maniac.

Here are the results:

One quiz suggested I am a classic combination of alpha and beta. Another told me I was 86% beta and the final one confirmed that I am in fact like most other men: a delta male.

Personally, I think I was right originally; I am a beta male.

Nevertheless, as one quiz suggested, I don’t think that anything is as clear cut as these categories suggest. I am certain that there are pure alpha males but in my experience most men have traits that fall into a couple of categories.

There are times, for example when I can be an alpha male and under those circumstances I have actually stood up to people who I believe to be pure alpha males. It kind of depends on the situation really.

I am also prone to questioning the establishment and ranting about how the world is a crazy place and that I simply do not want to conform to the path that fate has destined I should take. These are gamma and sigma male characteristics.

I can safely say with my hand on my heart that I am definitely not an omega male nor a lambda male (though to be honest, I’m not entirely sure what a lambda male is. I have certainly met gay men who I believe to be alpha males in the past).

And of course, these categories aren’t just limited to men. All of the classifications apply to women as well. I have certainly met a few alpha females in my time; they can be as difficult to deal with, if not more so, than alpha men to be honest.

So, in conclusion, this post has enlightened me as much as it has hopefully enlightened you, dear reader.

I had no idea that we as people can fall into so many personality categories. I would go further and suggest that, really, there are probably a lot more than the ones I have listed.

Humans are complicated animals and, while attempting to classify us according to our personality and behaviour seems to be a logical thing to do, it is far more complex a task than popping us all into one of seven groups.

I imagine that there are a lot of people in the world with a similar personality to me but one thing I do know is that there is not another Plastic Mancunian on earth (I’m not talking about people who claim to be Mancunian but aren’t really from Manchester).

There is nobody in the world exactly like me.

I am unique, dear reader.

And so are you.

However, I would be interested to hear which group you think you belong to.

Are you alpha, beta, gamma, delta, sigma, omega or lambda or maybe a mixture of all of them?

Despicable Dave

I am going to be very regarded as very brave – or very stupid.

Why? Because I am going to hurl two posts into the blogosphere about myself.

This is the first and it describes the negative version of the Plastic Mancunian – aka Despicable Dave. I will try to address the balance with my next post – the positive version.

The idea was inspired by a song I heard recently where singer referred to his own negative version. I started thinking about how complex humans are and how our daily lives are a constant internal battle between our various personalities and flaws as they strive to reach the pinnacle and take over our bodies for a period of time.

As with other people I am a smorgasbord of weirdness; but rather than trying to identify and describe all of my weird traits, I thought I would focus on the good bits and the bad bits.

Here are the bad bits and, as you might expect if asked “What are your strengths and weaknesses?” at an interview, I will try to turn them into positives – maybe.

Paranoia

As regular readers may have guessed, I can be the personification of Marvin the Paranoid Android. I have attempted to make light of this negative trait by personifying my paranoia as an imaginary nemesis called Captain Paranoia, a nasty person who is a constant thorn in my side, telling me how useless, ugly, thick, despicable and hated I am. The sad thing is that while I may have given the impression that I ignore him, the truth is that I don’t – and he is responsible for some of my worst decisions, my lack of bravery and giving strength to my shyness (see later).

The good news is that with age, I genuinely care less, so Captain Paranoia’s voice is weaker and I do ignore him more and more.

Nevertheless, he still catches me me out sometimes and I kick myself for my weakness.

Shyness

I may have given regular readers the impression that I have taken my shyness by the scruff of its neck, shaken it about a bit, and kicked it into the middle of next week.

The truth is that deep down I am still painfully shy and every day is a battle to force myself to be brave. I have techniques that do genuinely work when I feel courageous; the problem is that more often than not I will walk away rather than talking to a stranger and, when faced with the prospect of, say, walking into a pub full of strangers, the “fight or flight” reflex turns into “flight” – and I run away.

I am deeply aware that had I been a rampant extrovert, who could waltz into a room full of strangers and charm each and every one of them, my life would have taken a very different path.

In retrospect, I can’t imagine what that would have been like. Shyness has made me what I am today – and it’s not all bad. I am quite content despite this flaw in my personality, perhaps because over the years having extrovert friends and a little bravery have steered me somewhere in that general direction.

Also, my job, as much as I curse it sometimes, has helped me considerably – an ally against shyness.

Who would have though it?

Grumpiness

While I thrive on my ability to have a good rant and entertain the troops, I am aware that this self-indulgent desire to put the world to rights is not everybody’s cup of tea.

I ignore that and carry on regardless. People who know me well are often entertained – at first. Yet sometimes I don’t know when to stop and start to become annoying. Mrs PM has pointed this out on a couple of occasions.

I know that sometimes I can be a stubborn arsehole and when I am stubborn AND grumpy I can be infuriating, particularly when the target of my wrath is a subject that somebody who is listening feels strongly about, and when I get carried away, one or two people have started disagreeing and I have noticed that the grumpy rant becomes an embryonic argument.

I like to get things off my chest; I wear my heart on my sleeve and while a grumpy rant may be therapeutic (and it really is, dear reader), I sometimes need to step back from the precipice and turn it into a joke.

And I do – usually at my own expense – which helps matters considerably.

Procrastination

A year or two ago I declared war on procrastination. I am losing the war. For a while I actually started to arrange my days so that I could somehow schedule the writing of a novel.

I failed.

I know why I failed – writing fiction is hard – extremely hard. I can sit here at my desktop and write utter gibberish to post on a pathetic blog but trying to invent a story that is captivating, interesting and compelling with colourful characters, a wonderful plot with subtle twists and turns, that finishes leaving the reader wanting more, is very difficult.

I tried sitting there and writing it – but then I found myself doing other stuff like surfing the internet, listening to music – even doing the washing and ironing or hoovering to avoid the pain of trying to get some fiction on paper.

Sadly, the tendrils of procrastination have invaded other parts of my life too and I have on occasion simply ignored things that I have set myself to do – like writing a blog post.

I know I can beat this; at work I am very meticulous, planning everything I do, setting myself targets and generally achieving them.

So why can’t I do this at home?

The war continues.

Indecision

A standing joke between Mrs PM and me is that I am a Libran and therefore totally indecisive.

To a certain extent she is right and sometimes for her, a woman who is impulsive and slightly impatient, giving thought to decisions can be infuriating.

Whether it really is a negative trait is something I debate about. I am very careful and will generally not leap into something without first considering the pros and cons of it. The problem arises when I take too long to come to a decision.

Usually, however, the decision I make is the right one but that is little consolation if it has taken me over a week to reach a satisfactory conclusion.

I can’t ever see myself improving either, because I simply cannot just do something that appears to be right at first glance, without considering the possible outcomes.

Any More?

The answer is, of course, a resounding YES.

As humans, none of us are perfect. Some people think they are but they are wrong. We all have a bad side and I think that if you accept that negativity then you can go some way to improving yourself.

I have listed five of my negative traits but there are many more. I’m sure that if you asked my friends and family, or spent an hour discussing my bad points with Mrs PM, you would have enough notes to be able to write a book what a despicable person I am.

The truth is I am not despicable at all. My next post will hopefully provide some balance because, when I think about it, I am quite happy and content with myself – despite my flaws.

So there!

Over to you dear reader.

What are your negative traits? 

Are you prepared to admit to them in a comment on a blog written by a mad arsehole who lives in Manchester? 

I hope so – go on – be a devil!