Welcome to South Manchester on a Friday afternoon on Hallowe’en where the weather is not to bad – a little cloudy but rain free.
Regular readers will know that I am not a fan of the hype that is Hallowe’en. To me it is too commercialised and American and I don’t want endless kids knocking my door saying “trick or treat”.
I don’t mind the horror aspect of it though. Last night, for example, I watched a documentary called “Uncanny” which was really creepy and talked about a man who was being haunted by the “shadow man”, a seven foot tall figure who had no features and was described as “blacker than black” with no facial features at all, a kind of powerful-looking menacing and sinister entity that kept appearing to him after his father’s death. You could have dismissed it as imagination had several of his friends and family not seen this thing as well.
It creeped me out and I had to watch an hour or two of comedy before I went to bed so that I could sleep easier.
Now that is what Hallowe’en is about to me - being scared and watching scary movies and shows, not kids dressing up and asking for sweets. I guess I am the Hallowe’en equivalent of The Grinch or Ebeneezer Scrooge. I don’t care. America is welcome to this weird tradition.
So what am I doing tonight to avoid these kids?
I’m going to Manchester city centre to have a beer and then watch, arguably the world’s greatest Abba tribute act, called “Bjorn Again” with Mrs PM and some friends. They come from Australia and have been touring the world since the late 1980’s.
I am a closet Abba fan so I think it will be very enjoyable, certainly better than constantly answering the door to kids all night.
Let’s answer some silly questions from Sunday Stealing, shall we?
1. What was the last thing you laughed at?
I laugh a lot actually but the last thing I remember laughing at was excerpt from a Laurel and Hardy short that I spotted on the internet this morning. The clip was from “Helpmates”. You can watch the whole thing below but the excerpt I laughed at was two minutes from the 8 minute mark:
I love Laurel and Hardy.
2. Who among your friends/family "gets" your sense of humour?
Mrs PM and my kids get my sense of humour as do quite a few friends. Most people I know love the typical British humour that pervades a lot of our comedy shows. We have a unique sense of humour in my country that some foreigners just don’t really get at all. The only nation that comes close to our humour is Australia because as big as the friendly rivalry between our two nations, they share our sense of humour almost exactly.
I love comedy and I can appreciate humour of other places, like the US for example, where they have some really good comedy shows. For example, Mrs PM and I are currently enjoying “Parks and Recreation” from the America, an older show that I had only discovered this year. It is funny.
Here is some British humour for you.
3. What jewellery are you wearing at this moment?
Unless you count a watch as jewellery, the answer is none.
4. If you could offer one bit of etiquette that everyone should follow while dining out, what would it be?
I’ll offer several (because I am a rebel).
Do not talk while chewing.
Chew with your mouth closed.
Do not drink the finger bowl.
Do not flick peas at other diners.
Do not lick the plate clean.
5. What's the first thing a guest would notice when they walked through your front door?
Welcome to sunny Manchester on day 216 of our lockdown due to Coronavirus. And yes, it is lockdown now as we are riding the crest of the Second Wave.
In the UK, the government has introduced 3 tiers of lockdown and here in Manchester we are the highest tier – Tier 3. The mayor of Greater Manchester, Andy Burnham, had a massive row with the government about a rescue package to assist those who would be affected in terms of job losses and livelihood and it lasted ten days making headline news here in the UK.
Of course, in the end, the government, led by Boris the Clown, imposed the rules anyway and now we are under lockdown, not quite as bad as we were in March and April, but bad enough.
In Manchester we have been restricted since the end of July and personally I am totally used to it now. I haven’t seen friends in the flesh since July, which is deeply annoying.
In Tier 3 we cannot go to the pub – unless that pub serves a “substantial meal”. We can still go to restaurants but they have to close by 10pm. And we can’t go with friends, only those members of our household. Basically, Mrs PM and I are only allowed to go out together. Of course, being Manchester, certain pubs are trying to find a way around the “substantial meal” restriction by serving things like beans on toast for £2.
Maybe next week, I will wonder around our locality to see where I can and can’t go.
As you can see, the theme for this week’s Sunday Stealing is “Halloween” or “Hallowe’en” as it should be written. In the UK we are ambivalent about this “holiday” – it is something that our American buddies celebrate with gusto. Here, we don’t really care, despite various companies trying to push it with cards, costumes, sweets etc.
Due to the pandemic, it will be a damp squib this year regardless but usually I ignore the door when the kids come around with their “Trick or Treat” nonsense. It’s not that I am a miserable old git; it’s more about the fact that I consider it an American tradition and therefore don’t want to be involved in it.
Anyway, this is the theme for Sunday Stealing so for the duration of this post I shall summon enthusiasm for All Hallows’ Eve and dive in.
1. What is your favourite spooky song
I have narrowed this down to two. The first is the title track from the first album by the British Heavy Metal band Black Sabbath. The song is called Black Sabbath as well. It is a very scary song and if you listen to it in bed at night all alone, it can freak you out.
The words are scary:
What is this that stands before me?
Figure in black which points at me
Turn 'round quick and start to run
Find out I'm the chosen one
Oh, no
Big black shape with eyes of fire
Telling people their desire
Satan sitting there he's smiling
Watches those flames get higher and higher
Oh, no, no, please God help me
It scares me because anything to do with Satan does that to me. Here is the song in it’s full glory.
The second is by a British Progressive Rock band called Arena, and is called The Butterfly Man. It is about “something” which creeps up behind innocent people and steals their souls to add to his or “its” collection – a soul hunter if you like. Once collected you are damned to a dark eternity as expressed by the lyrics:
I've been here for so long
Don't even know what my purpose ever was
I don't even know where I belong
Through the years I've been waiting
Even time has lost it's meaning
Don't even know where I belong"
"Can't ever turn from this path
Don't even know what alternatives there are
Perhaps I wandered too far
I've been here for so long
Don't even hope for an end to all of this
I have no choice, but to carry on
Here it is:
2. What do you want etched on your tombstone?
I plan to live forever, so I won’t have anything on my tombstone.
Okay – if you’re pushing me, how about:
“Here Lies Plastic Mancunian – He Came; He Saw; He Laughed”
3. Who is your favourite horror movie villain
I used to love horror films but these days I rarely watch them. I will go for a recent one that I have seen - Pennywise from It.
4. Have you ever seen a ghost?
I think I might have – but I’m not sure. It was a surreal experience just after my dad died. I have written a blog post about it in the past. To be fair, I’m not 100% convinced that it was a ghost.
5. Do you prefer gore, thrillers or supernatural movies?
I am more a fan of supernatural movies because in general they are more scary. I watched a gore movie that I absolutely hated because it was not only disturbing but also full of gore just for the sake of it and it put me off such movies completely.
Give me a good sci-fi or superhero movie.
6. What is your favourite scary book?
The one that scared me the most was “The Dark” by James Herbert. I loved it and at the time I was living alone as I had just moved to Manchester and was finding my feet. I read this book at night time in a small flat in the dark and it genuinely got my heart racing.
Here is a brief description from wikipedia:
Beginning in a small suburban street where an empty house is haunted by a malevolent, sentient darkness, the scope of the story expands as the darkness escapes and begins to engulf the city.
A very scary book – that I probably need to read again to be honest.
7. Have you ever had a tarot card reading? Was it accurate?
Not a chance. I don’t believe in such things.
8. Are you superstitious?
No – not really. I have little foibles but nothing that I would count as superstitious.
9. Have you ever used a voodoo doll?
Not at all – it is utter nonsense. Great for stories though.
10. Have you ever participated in a seance?
Only once and it was a joke played by two mates at school on Hallowe’en. One of them lived in a fairly big house with a big cellar and his parents were out. We went downstairs to the cellar and there were little gaps in the walls that were accessible from the outside and the two of them had rigged up an elaborate series of “shocks” all triggered by a string pull from outside.
As we started on the Ouija Board, the lad outside tugged the strings and things started falling over, culminating in glasses smashing. He then ran inside and put on a sound effects record of ghosts and creaking and similar spooky noises. We fell for it, until one lad saw the guy outside creeping around and sniggering.
All in all, I would say it worked but I actually found it fascinating until we knew what was happening.
11. Have you ever heard voices when no one was around except you?
As described in question 4, I may have seen the ghost of my dad – and when I did, I am sure that I heard the words “It’s only me, Dave!” – but I may have imagined that.
12. What is your favourite Halloween candy?
We don’t have them here in the UK – or at least we never used to have them. If we do now, I am unfamiliar with them.
13. What was your most memorable Halloween costume?
I haven’t got one because I have never dressed up for Hallowe’en.
However, I once went to work dressed as Ozzy Osbourne who portrays himself as “The Prince of Darkness”. Does that count? Here I am as Ozzy:
14. Do you like going through haunted houses (not real ones)?
No – they are a pointless experience.
15. If someone dared you to spend the night in a haunted house (a real one) would you do it?
Yes I would – as long as the person who dared me to do it was with me and we stayed up all night exploring the house with just a torch. I could go for that.
