The Weirdo

I’ve called myself a weirdo on this blog many times over the years and I do so with my tongue firmly in my cheek.

The other day, Mrs PM said something that caught me off guard. 

“Why are you being a weirdo?” she said. “Just stop it.”

I laughed, as I usually do, but then after a minute or so, I started thinking – always a dangerous thing.

“Am I really a weirdo?” I asked trying to hide a slight look of concern on my face.

“Not at all, dearest,” she said with a small smirk flashing across her face. She probably didn’t even notice it.

But I did.

I was tempted to pursue this and then reconsidered. Instead, I thought I would discuss it on a blog post that is available for the world to see (which you could say is a little weird).

I did some research and looked up things that epitomise weirdness. I found one site that listed 34 things that you might do if you are a weirdo. I guess if you ticked all 34 then perhaps you really ARE strange; I ticked 13 of them. Here they are:

• I enjoy storms
• I quote comedy shows in my daily life
• I feel nervous making doctor’s appointments
• I have lots of playlists
• I say “Living the Dream” when people ask how I am (usually when somebody says it to me to be fair)
• I laugh or just agree when I can’t tell what somebody said
• I call my pets by nicknames instead of their proper names
• I rarely delete old texts and emails
• I pretend I am in a music video or performing when listening to music
• I respond to texts in my head but don’t send them
• I refuse to let an arm or leg hang out of the bed in case something grabs me when I am sleeping.
• I count how many hours of sleep before going to bed
• I crack jokes during a scary film to ease the tension and make myself less scared

I am a “partial weirdo” according to that particular fun poll.

I decided to do more research and looked up other features of weirdos; here are some more, including things that aren’t listed:

• I sometimes have to fight the urge to play my air guitar while walking in public and listening to rock music
• I sometimes have to fight the urge to pull faces at serious people I see on the street or public transport
• I sing openly in my car and nod my head vigorously in time to the music – and have been noticed – and don’t care
• I struggle not to laugh when so-called experts are trying to tell me how to behave at work or trying to explain to me why a yearly performance review is in my interests
• I like weird music
• I dance according to the lyrics. At a Christmas party a couple of years ago, I almost shattered my knee-caps when dancing to “Like a Prayer” by Madonna
• I laugh at figures of authority who are trying to tell me off. I served so many detentions at school because I laughed openly at teachers who were bellowing at me
• I will always try to finish a book – even if it is utterly terrible
• I hate metal scraping against metal or enamel, particularly at the dentist
• I talk to the cats as if they are fellow human beings
• I have written about 30 really strange novels in my head when trying to fall asleep
• I am fascinated by vampires
• I have weird hair and am always bleating on about how much I hate it
• I like watching weird documentaries about aliens, UFOs and the end of the world
• I do not follow fashion – only when Mrs PM intervenes
• I can be outspoken about things I feel passionate about – which is something I am trying to curb
• I drink real ale and go to beer festivals
• I have a bizarre sense of humour
• I am very self-deprecating
• I have a weird beard
• I am a total geek

Okay – so maybe I am slightly eccentric. Some people have said “Why do you have a blog and point out how odd you are to anybody who is bored enough to read it?”

I don’t know, is the true answer; I just enjoy it.

I am weird, I guess. 

And I don't care - is that weird?

The Eccentric Englishman

I read a news article about David Bowie last week in which he was described as the perfect example of an eccentric Englishman.

And that got me thinking (which is always a dangerous thing).

It’s well known that we, as a nation, are considered a little weird by our European cousins, and, dare I say, by the rest of the world. Eccentricity is in our genes and we express ourselves in bizarre ways.

If you don’t believe me, here are two examples.

First, we have gurning competitions.  Are you wondering what gurning is? It’s basically pulling a funny face and we have competitions throughout the country.

(Cheeky) people have suggested that I could win the World Gurning Championship with very little effort whatsoever.

Second, we have Morris Dancing. I used to work with a Morris Dancer and she turned up to a fancy dress party, clad in her full regalia, whereupon, after a couple of glasses of wine, she stunned us all by performing a solo Morris Dance in the middle of a crowded room, with lots of applause, mainly because we appreciated the eccentric nature of her display. She was passionate about her art, so passionate that she eventually married a fellow Morris Dancer. I wasn’t invited to the wedding but I can imagine that the entertainment would have involved bells, waving hankies and shaking sticks.

Here’s an example of Morris Dancing:

Strange, isn’t it?

There are more examples of British weirdness, such as cheese rolling and bog snorkelling that may make any foreigner wonder whether we are all slightly unhinged.

While the whole world has produced eccentrics, I feel that we have more than our fair share.

We have people like Paloma Faith, Noel Fielding, Eddie Izzard,  Ozzy Osbourne, Stephen Fry, Brian Blessed  and, though it pains me to say it, the Mayor of London, Boris Johnson.

Boris Johnson could be a future Prime Minister - God help us all!

Brian Blessed - "GORDON'S ALIVE!!!"

Eddie Izzard - Very funny and very surreal

Noel Fielding in one of his more sensible moments

Ozzy will soon have a frog in his throat.

Paloma Faith? Eccentric? HA HA HA!!

Stephen Fry - A man so intelligent it makes the rest of us look totally thick!

Of course, there are honorary foreign eccentrics worth a mention too, like Björk and Lady Gaga but I like to think that these people are also outrageous, something that we Englishmen are a little reluctant to be (with the possible exception of Ozzy Osbourne).

To be honest, when you look at the royal family, and the upper classes there are many weird people mingling in those big houses and palaces.

Possibly my favourite is Prince Phillip, the husband of Queen Elizabeth, a man who constantly makes us cringe with his ill-considered outbursts. Political correctness isn’t one of his strong point.

"Have I embarrassed you again, my dear?"

Here are some of the things he has said:

(To a Scottish driving instructor) “How do you keep the natives off the booze long enough for them to get them through the test?”

(To a 13 year old boy while visiting the Space Shuttle) “Well, you’ll never fly in it. You’re too fat to be an astronaut.”

(To a female sea cadet) “Do you work in a strip club?”

(To a Kenyan woman) “You are a woman, aren’t you?”

Eccentricity is a Scottish trait too as I discovered last Saturday when I attended a Burns Ball. That sounds a lot ruder than it is – I will reveal all in my next post.

I’ll leave you with a song by Paloma Faith that I actually like (much to Mrs PM’s utter shock):