Left My Soul There Down By The Sea

When I need to unwind and relax I conjure up a picture in my mind.

I see myself relaxing on a beach, lying there in the warm sun as it rises or sets. Next to me is Mrs PM, holding my hand and leaning her head against my shoulder. The waves are gently lapping against shore.

The image at the start of this post was taken in Port Douglas, Australia on the morning of our arrival as the sun rose over the Coral Sea and, although it was almost eight years ago, I still see it every single day, both at work and at home.

Why?

Because the image is my background picture on my work laptop, my home laptop, my desktop and my Nexus 7.

When I feel the need to escape from the stresses of everyday life, I find that by staring at that image, I can momentarily immerse myself into the tranquillity of the memory invoked by the photograph.

Ultimately I would like to retire to the seaside, whether it be a cold and breezy British shore or a warm and relaxing southern European beach somewhere.

I’ve even strolled along the promenade at Blackpool on Boxing Day with a biting, icy wind blowing all of the cobwebs from my addled mind; the cold wind and the sound of waves crashing on the shore brings a clarity to my mind – and peace.

I am happiest when I am by the sea – but not in the sea.

I am quite happy to watch the waves, smell the sea air and let the wind carry me away to a restful place in my mind. The thought of stepping into the sea summons an altogether different feeling – one of fear.

I’m not such a scaredy cat that I won’t actually set foot in the water (although Australia is the exception on that front); I just don’t like the things in it.

First of all, I’m not a huge fan of sand. Some people love walking barefoot on the beach and letting the wet sand cling to their feet.

I hate it. Sand gets everywhere. I hate the feeling of it in between my toes and under my toenails. The feeling makes my teeth itch. When I walk on a beach I have to wear sandals and even though they protect me from most of the sand, I still find myself having to wash the sand off my feet as I leave.

And I have another confession, dear reader. I hate seaweed. I hate the feel of it and the look of it. It all stems from an episode in my childhood. I was around five years old and sitting watching television, safely in my own living room with my parents at my side.

Dr Who was on.

I loved Dr Who – I still do – but this particular story scared the shit out of me. It was called Fury From The Deep and basically featured monsters made out of seaweed that terrorised a North Sea gas refinery.

Fast forward a couple of years and I found myself standing in the sea in Brighton, screaming blue murder while standing in about five inches of sea water.

My dad rushed to my aid and asked what was wrong. I pointed down to my feet and he simply laughed – but saved me all the same. My legs had become entangled with seaweed and in my immature and childlike imagination, the seaweed monsters had come to get me.

Even now, when I swim in the sea, I find myself shuddering in utter disgust if seaweed touches me or drifts to the vicinity of where I am swimming.

I love waves as long as they are small. Big waves are bad.

On a holiday to San Sebastian in Spain, I decided to go for a swim. I noticed that the waves were pretty big but I thought I was a strong enough swimmer to cope with them. I waded out into the sea and started swimming away from the shore. The waves were getting quite big so I stopped swimming and decided to turn back. To my horror I found that I was out of my depth and my feet couldn’t quite touch the bottom.

I decided to tread water and let the waves carry me back ashore. It worked – sort of.

I was floating in the water and noticed a young woman about twenty feet ahead of me.

And then I saw it.

A huge wave was approaching fast.

The woman pushed herself up to try to ride the wave. She failed. It hit her full on and I saw her silhouette in the water as it washed over her and bowled her over completely. I saw feet where her head should have been and as the wave reared up in front of me like a giant leviathan, only one two thoughts entered my head:

        “I hope there isn’t any seaweed in that wave."

    “OH SHIT!!!!”

The wave hit me and I kind of lost track of time for a few seconds. All I remember is being overwhelmed by the sound of water smashing against my head. I had no sense of where I was and had no idea what had happened. I was like a marionette and powerless to fight back against the unknown forces assailing me.

When the ordeal was over, just a few seconds later, I found myself lying on the beach having been washed ashore. My swimming trunks had opted to give a few people a great view of my arse. Thankfully I was face down and I managed to pull up my trunks before too many people reeled back in horror.

Sadly that was when I realised my trunks were full of sand – and seaweed.

I staggered out of the water like a demented seaweed monster from Dr Who, much to the delight of my mates who had seen the entire thing from the comfort of their sunbeds.

The final horror of the sea are the creatures that live within. Billy Connolly once said that we are not ever supposed to be in the sea but are too stupid to take the hint; the hint being that creatures in the sea bite us, sting us and eat us.

I refused to go snorkelling at the Great Barrier Reef because of box jellyfish, irukandji and sharks.

I have been snorkelling in Barbados and the Bahamas but on one occasion I almost added my contribution to existing marine excrement when a huge grey fish swan past me.

Of course it was just a harmless fish but to me, viewing it underwater and without my glasses, I thought it was Jaws ready to have Plastic Mancunian for lunch.

In conclusion, I want to be beside the seaside – not in the sea. My ultimate plan is to spend my time strolling by a beach somewhere in the world, watching the sun rise or set and enjoying the beauty and tranquillity of nature.

Here are a couple of relaxing songs that remind me of the peace, beauty and tranquillity of the sea.

And my dearest hope is that the writers of Fury From The Deep didn’t base the story on real life events.

The Hypnotist

I almost called this post “Hypnotism Is Rubbish”.

Almost!

Many years ago I saw a hypnotist live at a Butlins Holiday Camp in Minehead. I was about 16 years old.

I sat in the audience astounded at the antics of the poor victims of this hypnotist, who invited members of the audience onto the stage and, after a little bit of jiggery pokery (he spoke to each of them in almost silent tones, rendering them all “in a trance”), told each of them what they were going to do when he gave them a signal.

One guy was convinced that everybody else in the room had a very disturbing smell that made him feel sick.

Another guy could only speak utter gibberish. The woman next to him was the only person in the entire world who understood the gibberish he spoke and could translate it for our benefit.

Another guy believed he was Tarzan and, on cue, he would run to the stage wherever he was and bang his chest and scream in the greatest Johnny Weissmuller fashion – just like this:

I laughed at their antics but didn’t believe a word of it.

Many years later in the United States, I saw a show where another hypnotist made a young guy think he was Michael Jackson, and a young woman believe she was Madonna. I believed this even less because the two people concerned were rampant extroverts, keen to show off their singing talents; each managed a fairly good impersonation of the artist they were “forced” to portray.

My cynicism told me that they had planned just to be up on stage and show off to anybody who was willing to watch and believe.

I left that show in America utterly convinced that hypnotism, like the so-called ability to communicate with the dead, was an utter farce, a sham – in other words complete rubbish.

Fast forward to a couple of years ago, and I was having a discussion about hypnotism with Mrs PM, who has a mind that is much more open to this kind of thing than mine. I was a total sceptic and argued that hypnotism was totally fake, based solely on my experience of people using it as entertainment.

My argument was that the kind of people who are willing to volunteer to go on stage to be humiliated by a hypnotist are more likely to be outgoing and gregarious enough to love the attention and the laughs generated by their antics on stage.

Mrs PM agreed – well kind of – but then started talking about the real benefits of using hypnotherapy to persuade people to change their ways; not in an overtly and spontaneous way like the victims of a hypnotic entertainer – but in a gradual way by appealing to your inner self.

Of course, I dismissed this and forgot about it - until recently.

I am fascinated by a British entertainer called Derren Brown who seems to be able to achieve unbelievable feats of mind reading and magic with a fair amount of hypnotism to assist his showmanship.

Some of his amazing feats have involved putting people into trances and convincing them that something is happening, when in fact it isn’t. And while I am not fully convinced, I’ve pushed the cynic within me aside and done a little investigation and this has coincided with another little experiment I have been conducting, an experiment to find ways of helping me relax more.

Since almost being overwhelmed by stress many years ago, I have tried to eliminate as much pressure and stress from my life as I can.  I read somewhere that listening to soothing, mellow or relaxing music can help and I’ve noticed that quite a few work colleagues listen to music while they are working.

It seems that listening to classical music or mellow chillout songs can actually help to combat stress. Purely for research purposes, I created a playlist on my iPod which I call Chillout, which is full of peaceful and calming tunes such as:

Bach – Air on a G String 

Enya – Shepherd Moons  

Steven Wilson – Insurgentes  

I started listening to this playlist at a volume just loud enough to eliminate the noise around me but quiet enough for my conscious mind to still be able to function.

I found myself able to work and effectively shut out the world around me such as the background noise in the office, the constant clatter of keyboards and my work colleagues discussing problems, solutions and generally chatting to one another about all and sundry.

It worked but it seemed to work at a subconscious level and, while I was aware that beautiful and relaxing music was playing in my ears, I found, bizarrely, that I was becoming slightly more productive and definitely more relaxed.

And I have continued listening to music as I work. I find that if I need to really concentrate then I have to do so without music; nevertheless, mundane tasks become much easier to tolerate with soothing music in the background.

Taking this a stage further, I also listen to the same playlist in bed sometimes in order to totally relax and drift off to sleep.

It works.

What has this got to do with hypnosis?

Well I read that hypnosis, like soothing music, works on a subconscious level. Your subconscious mind is the driving force behind most of your behaviour and in order to change that behaviour, somebody needs to appeal to your subconscious mind and persuade it to react differently.

A good example I read about discussed phobias. I am terrified of spiders. It is a stupid irrational fear that is driven by my subconscious mind in order to protect me from these evil eight-legged arachnids.

In theory, hypnotherapy could help me to overcome this fear by persuading my subconscious mind that spiders are mostly harmless creatures that cannot hurt me, ergo there is no need to far them. In order to do this, a hypnotist would strip away the influence of my conscious mind by putting me into a trance and suggesting to my subconscious mind that I should not fear spiders.

In my case, he would have to remind me that I don’t live in Australia, where the spiders could actually harm me.

I have actually pursued this further, dear reader, by downloading a free application on my smartphone that has several free hypnosis mp3 tracks.

And I have listened to them.

I think they work.

The tracks I have tried are simply relaxation techniques. The hypnotist speaks very slowly in a really deep and soothing voice, with a barely perceptible musical soundtrack, telling me to slowly close my eyes, breathe deeply and drift off into a trance.

I lay in bed at the end of a hard day and listened to the Deep Relaxation track. I was aware of what the hypnotist was saying but I genuinely found myself lost in thought, almost dreaming. I could still hear his voice yet it seemed like I was floating away in a sea of calm. I saw myself on a beach watching the sun set as waves lapped at my feet. All thought of work and stress dissipated, as instructed by the calming voice.

I fell asleep.

And every time I have tried it, I have fallen asleep and woken up feeling extremely relaxed.

I have concluded therefore that perhaps there is something in this hypnotism fad. I have yet to try anything that would actually involve a lifestyle change, like eliminating my fear of heights, for example (mainly because I am a cheapskate and don’t want to pay money for a hypnotist to tell my subconscious mind that I will not fall from a great height) but my scepticism is waning.

I can, at least for the moment, tell you that hypnotism is not rubbish – or at least it doesn’t seem to be rubbish – yet!

I plan to continue my research (within the constraints of not actually paying anybody any cash) and keep you posted.

Perhaps one day I will be able to climb to the top of the Burj Khalifa, just like Tom Cruise did, and scream:

“THANK YOU HYPNOTISM! YOU HAVE CURED MY FEAR OF HEIGHTS!”
And then, for some inexplicable reason, I will rip off my shirt, bang my chest and scream “ME TARZAN; YOU JANE; HIM BOY!!!” in my best Johnny Weissmuller voice.

15 Albums That Will Always Stick With You

Two friends on Facebook challenged me (separately) to name 15 albums that will always stay with me. Here was the challenge:

The rules: Don't take too long to think about this. List 15 albums you've heard that will always stick with you.

There’s a lot more crap about tagging people etc. but you get the gist. I decided to have a go and actually managed to find 15 albums out of my collection. But it was hard, dear reader, very, very hard.

I published the note on Facebook but the note simply contained the albums. I have decided therefore to give you, dear reader, a bit more background into why each of the albums will always remain close to my heart. In many cases, the music on the album invokes memories and emotions that simply cannot be replaced; in others cases the album is listed simply because it is a classic.

Here they are (in roughly the order that they came to my attention):

Supertramp - Crime of the Century (Released 1974)


I love Supertramp and this is quite simply my favourite album by the band. At the tender age of eighteen, I escaped the clutches of my parents with three mates and spent a fun filled weekend at a cottage in Wales. There are many classic tracks on this album, like School, Crime of the Century and Hide in Your Shell. My favourite song is Dreamer.

Click here to listen to Dreamer.

U.F.O. - Strangers in the Night (Released 1979)


“Hello Chicago! Would you please welcome from England – U.F.O!!!!”

These are the words that send a shiver down my spine even to this day. Strangers in the Night is a double live album from a British rock band called UFO and it has pride of place as the very first rock album I ever bought. It changed my musical direction and for that alone it will always remain in my heart. And of course it contains Rock Bottom one of the best live rock songs ever.

Click here to listen to Rock Bottom in all its glory

Deep Purple - Made in Japan (Released 1972)



“What’s that bloody screaming racket?” howled my father when he heard Ian Gillan screaming on Child in Time.

“It’s the future,” I decreed.

“Well if that’s the future then God help us,” he replied in disgust.

This is Deep Purple at their very best, performing in Japan, live and raw, with the Mark II line up.

Click here to listen to Highway Star

Rainbow - Rising (Released 1976)

The greatest rock album of the 70's is Rising by Rainbow. You only have to look at the line up on this magnificent magnum opus: Ritchie Blackmore, Ronnie James Dio and Cozy Powell, arguably the greatest guitarist, singer and drummer of that time.

The opening bars to Tarot Woman send shivers down my spine and the Stargazer and Light in the Black combination portray rock music in its purest and best form.

Rest in peace Ronnie James Dio.

Click here to listen to Stargazer

David Bowie - Scary Monsters (and Super Creeps) (Released 1980)

There had to be a David Bowie in my list and I really struggled to decide which one. Aladdin Sane almost made it but it was edged out by Scary Monsters simply because it reminds me of a transitional time in my life when I was studying for A-levels and hoping to go to university but having to juggle life with mates who wanted to drink and chase girls.

I wanted to do that too but my dad led me on the right path. I hated him for it because I thought I was missing out. Of course, in the long term I can’t thank him enough.

It was just such a shame I never got to tell him – he died in 1981.

This was the last great David Bowie album.

Click here to listen to Scary Monsters

Led Zeppelin - Led Zeppelin (Released 1969)


Led Zeppelin’s debut album is the greatest blues rock album of all time in my humble opinion. I didn’t really get into Led Zeppelin until university so I was a late developer in that sense. When I had finished my final exam in my final year, I went back to my room and played Communication Breakdown at full volume – all the stress of revision and hard work was unleashed with Robert Plant’s magnificent vocals.

Dazed and Confused is one of the greatest blues rock songs of all time.

Click here to listen to Dazed and Confused

Rush - Signals (Released 1982)

Regular readers will know that Rush are my favourite band and Signals will always be special because it was my first real exposure to the power trio from Canada.

On the strength of this album I blew a large amount of money to see the band for the first time in 1982 as a student. They have been with me ever since.

Click here to listen to Subdivisions

Tears for Fears - Songs From the Big Chair (Released 1985)

I loved Tears for Fears in the early 80’s. Their first album had some great pop songs that still remind me of my time at university.

Nevertheless, it was nothing compared to their second album, Songs From the Big Chair, which in my humble opinion is the greatest pop album of the 80’s.

There are so many great tracks on it including Shout, The Working Hour and Mother’s Talk.

However, I think my favourite is Head Over Heels which is a wonderful song that quite simply stirs my emotions and brings a tear or two to my eyes.

Click here to listen to Head Over Heels

Rush - Power Windows (Released 1985)

In 1985, I had a touch and go long distance relationship with W (who ultimately became my wife).

I lived in Manchester and she lived in Harlow (a town about 30 miles north of London). The relationship was struggling because of the distance and each of us commuting alternate weeks.

Power Windows helped me to cope with the train journey to London every fortnight and I played it over and over again and it allowed me to forget the trauma of this challenging relationship. I knew every second of every song on the album and it was probably the first album that caused embarrassment for me, when I sang it aloud without thinking.

Eventually W moved up to Manchester and all was well – until the divorce some years later that is.

Anyway, every song on the album is legendary. Particular favourites are Marathon, Territories and The Big Money. My overall favourite is Mystic Rhythms.

Click here to listen to Mystic Rhythms

Queensrÿche - Operation Mindcrime (Released 1988)



I love a good concept album and concept albums do not come any better than Operation Mindcrime by Queensrÿche.

It tells the story of a man who becomes a political assassin and is accompanied by some of the finest music you will hear from a heavy metal band. It spawned a sequel a few years ago which, while good in its own right, didn’t quite live up to its predecessor.

If you love progressive heavy metal and haven’t heard Operation Mindcrime, you simply MUST. I urge you. You won’t regret it.

Click hear to listen to the introduction and Anarchy-X/Revolution Calling

Nine Inch Nails - The Downward Spiral (Released 1994)



Trent Reznor is a genius. I love the guy – he can do no wrong. His band, Nine Inch Nails, first crossed my radar when I heard Closer, a very intense and controversial song that was a single containing a few expletives.

It was a fusion of the electronic music I loved from the early 80’s with a hard rock edge and I instantly became a huge fan. Closer is just one of a plethora of powerful songs that appear on The Downward Spiral, a wonderfully dark and malevolent album that takes no prisoners.

It is Trent Reznor’s finest masterpiece.

Every song is brilliant, from the opener Mr Self Destruct through to the wonderful Hurt, a song so enthralling that it was covered by the legendary Johnny Cash with an accompanying video will make you cry (well it made me cry anyway – but I can be a soppy git sometimes). My dad was a huge fan of Johnny Cash and I think he would have loved it.

Click here to listen to Hurt by Nine Inch Nails

Click here to listen to Johnny Cash’s incredible version of Hurt

Metallica - Master of Puppets (Released 1986)

I dismissed Metallica as “too thrashy” in the 80’s mainly because they were a little too heavy for my taste. However, with the release of the Black album, I decided to have another peek at them.

A mate recommended Master of Puppets as their magnum opus – I gave it a try and realised that Metallica were more than just a thrash metal band – they were fantastic musicians. Master of Puppets is quite simply one of the greatest heavy metal albums of all times.

Yes it’s heavy but it is in places extremely tuneful and shows that the band are quite diverse.

Highlights include Battery, Master of Puppets, Welcome Home (Sanitarium) and the instrumental track Orion, which shows the musicianship of the band.

Click here to listen to Orion

Air - Moon Safari (Released 1998)


As I get older, I am drifting more and more into mellow music, the kind of chill out tunes that you can listen too in a dimly lit room full of candles and watch your stress fade into a cloud of ecstasy.

It all started in Hong Kong when I first heard La Femme d’Argent on a CD that came with Q magazine. I listened to it while doing some work in the hotel room and I found myself floating away with the subtle tune. Before I knew it, I was lying on the bed and smiling.

Mrs PM remarked that the song was totally unlike anything I championed in the music world. And I agree. It isn’t loud andheavy and it doesn't have a stomping beat. It is mellow, tuneful and wonderful.

I was so struck by this new style that I bought the album the next day – and it blew me away. Songs like All I Need, Talisman, You Make It Easy and New Star in the Sky will destroy stress and tension in a heartbeat. La Femme d’Argent is still my personal favourite.

Click here to listen to La Femme d’Argent, preferably in a dimly lit room with candles and a glass of wine.

Watch the tension vanish.

Rammstein - Mutter (Released 2001)


In complete contrast to Air, I present to you Rammstein, a German industrial rock band who are as brilliant as they are controversial. Most of their songs are sung in their native German and their lyrics can be offensive. I have met two German people, both women, who found them objectionable and told me their opinion in no uncertain terms. That said, their music is wonderfully heavy and utterly crazy.

The album Mutter is the best of their albums and includes Feuer Frei (from the movie XXX) and Sonne.

The less said about Zwitter the better (in terms of lyrics).

My favourite is a storming tune called Links 2-3-4 and I personally think that even if you claim not to like heavy metal or German lyrics sung in a growling voice, you will deep down at a primeval level put the song in that vault labelled “Guilty Pleasures”. Trust me – I know what I am talking about.

Click here to listen to Links 2-3-4

Dream Theater - Images and Words (Released 1992)


For many years friends who love heavy metal or progressive rock have been urging me to listen to Dream Theater. I capitulated last year and listened to Images and Words on Spotify.

Not since Rush has a band had such a profound effect on me.

After listening for the second time, I bought it and I still haven’t stopped playing it almost a year later. In fact, I have gradually been buying all their albums ever since and only have two to go to complete my collection. Like Rush, Dream Theater are masters of progressive rock but with the added bonus of having a more metallic tendency (some have called their style progressive metal).

Also like Rush they are virtuosos and play their instruments technically and flawlessly. Each song is a mini symphony (and some are very long, lasting ten minutes or more in a lot of cases).

Images and Words is one of the greatest rock albums of all time with Pull Me Under, Take the Time, Learning to Live and Metropolis Pt 1.

Here for your listening pleasure is another classic song from the album: Under a Glass Moon

And now, dear reader, over to you.

That just about wraps it up from me. Finding 15 albums from my collection that will always stick with me was very difficult to be honest and could really have been 100 albums.

I challenge you, dear reader, to name 15 albums that will always stick with you either in a comment or on your own blog if you have one. I don’t care whether you like Abba or Eminem; Beethoven or Black Sabbath, Jazz or DJ Jazzy Jeff – name your albums and then let me know.

I think you will find it very difficult.

20 Songs To Chill Out To

After yet another frustrating day at the office, I was full of road rage on the way home. Thankfully, a song popped up on my mp3 player that eroded that anger and allowed me to drive the rest of the way home in peace and harmony with the rest of the world. The song was "I WIsh I Could Fly" by Roxette.

As I drove, I thought about other songs that have the same effect and have compiled a list of twenty from my collection that may well succeed in changing you from a fiery ball of rage into a chilled-out mellow ball of fluff. Here they are:

(1) Roxette – I Wish I Could Fly
(2) 10CC – I’m Not In Love
(3) Seal – Kiss From A Rose
(4) Air – All I Need
(5) China Crisis – Wishful Thinking
(6) David Gray – This Year’s Love
(7) Depeche Mode – Home
(8) Madonna – The Power Of Goodbye
(9) Tears For Fears – Listen
(10) Shakespears Sister – Hello (Turn Your Radio On)
(11) Enya – Caribbean Blue
(12) Richard Marx - Hazard
(13) Air – La Femme d’Argent
(14) Enya – Lothlórien
(15) Fleetwood Mac – Albatross
(16) Morcheeba – The Sea
(17) Kate Bush – The Man With The Child In His Eyes
(18) Madonna – Frozen
(19) Massive Attack - Teardrop
(20) Moby - Porcelain

For those who have heard or read about me singing the praises of rock and heavy metal, you may be surprised by some of the choices above. Hopefully it reveals another (weird) side of me and confirms that my taste isn’t limited to loud guitar music.

By the way, you can find most if not all of the above songs on YouTube. I would encourage you to seek them out; I think you’ll like them. If you have any similar songs that you think I might like please let me know – I’m always on the lookout for new music.

Stay chilled …