Look What I Found In My Head

Every day at work, I leave my desk at lunchtime, armed with my smartphone and my iPod and set off on a circular walk of just over two miles. My aim is fourfold:

(1) Get a little exercise.

(2) Escape the confines of the office.

(3) Enjoy some music.

(4) Clear my head.

I want to focus on item (4).

As I stroll around the streets, my mind wanders, replacing the inevitable stress and tedium of office work with a journey through my own imagination, accompanied by a musical soundtrack of songs that I love.

And that journey is usually quite fruitful.

The experience feels like I am in a room with thousands of doors. The journey begins when I open one of the doors and go through. The choice of door depends on my mood, the music I am listening to, the day I have had so far and random thoughts that have popped into my head based on conversations, news – anything really.

Ultimately I hope to find something interesting – like this idea for a blog post for example.

I am fascinated by the train of thought that eventually leads to the gems I find inside my own head. Sometimes they are good things but occasionally they are not do good. For example, if I am in a bad mood, or a little depressed about something, I find that sometimes it is difficult to drag myself from a negative path. In that respect I understand how depressed people think – I know this first hand because Mrs PM is prone to depression and in these situations it is difficult if not impossible to escape the irrational downward spiral that follows.

Happily, I have experience of seeing this is other people and can assist, if only to be the person who comforts them or to be a shoulder to cry on, so to speak. Of course, it is not as simple as that and, thankfully, Mrs PM is in control of it.

I don’t suffer from depression myself but if a negative thought threatens to enter my head and cause a negative cycle, I switch my mind to something that will distract it – like changing the song on my iPod of taking a moment to look around as I walk. This helps usually; rather like leaving the bad door alone and finding another more interesting one to go through. It doesn’t always work – and I have struggled sometimes in 2017 to be fair – but things are improving.

Sometimes, exploring my imagination can cause embarrassment. Here are a couple of examples.

Picture the scene. I am walking along oblivious to my surroundings and listening to a fantastic and happy song - a song such as this:

I find myself walking in step to the beat and imagine myself as the artist. The problem is that my step becomes jaunty and bouncy and on a couple of occasion I have actually started mouthing the words. If I have my headphones in, I can’t actually tell whether I am actually singing – I might be. In which case, it’s no surprise that I have acquired a few strange looks by people queuing up at a bus stop I have walked past.

On other occasions, a song has reminded me of a funny incident in the past caused an involuntary guffaw that is difficult to control and fuels yet more laughter, making me look like some kind of idiot marching along the streets.

Also, if I see somebody I know as I walk, I try to be polite and greet them as we pass. However, because of my headphones, it is more difficult to judge volume.

“Hi Dave,” they will say as we approach!

“HI ANDY,” I bellow at the top of my voice, in an attempt to drown out both the heavy metal song in my ears and the noise of cars, lorries and buses roaring past on the main road.

When I get back to work, I face the inevitable consequences.

“Why were you yelling at me in the street, Dave?”

Thankfully, this doesn’t happen very often and my walks are uneventful to watch.  The good news for me is that I have around 10,000 novel ideas as a result of my lunchtime walks. The bad news is that when I get back to work, I never write them down because the moment I sit back down at my desk, the shit hits the fan and I am plunged back into the abyss of the rat race before I have the time to write down a paragraph about invisible mutant aliens turning people into slaves.

However, I am certainly more relaxed and, for an hour or so at least, I find myself going about the daily grind with a smile on my face and a more relaxed approach to work.

I recommend you try it, dear reader. Once a day, grab hold of your own musical device and walk around the streets of your town or city for half an hour or so. Take off the chains of your imagination, walk through an interesting door and see where it leads you.

In almost all cases you will be amazed.

And for any Mancunians out there, if you see a greying blond nutcase singing or laughing as he walks – it might just be me.

Feel free to say “Hi Dave!” – I will try not to yell back at you.

Progressive Thoughts - Day 31

At last we’ve reached the final day of this weird blogathon. I’ve enjoyed it – and I hope some of you have too.

My last song is currently top of the list in terms of number of times played on my iPod. To be fair, if ITunes had been available way back in 1973 the song would have been something completely different I am sure.

And yes, you’ve guessed it, the song is a progressive rock masterpiece, in my opinion anyway. It is called Drive Home by Steven Wilson and features an extraordinarily emotional guitar solo at the end by Guthrie Govan.

Steven Wilson has the uncanny ability to write sad songs and this is up there with the best of them.

The song is about a man who loses his wife in a car crash and blocks the incident out completely until, later, his wife comes back as a ghost to remind him what happened, urging him to move on and deal with the pain.

The accompanying video is equally sad – but despite this, the song is absolutely beautiful.  If you don’t want to listen to the entire song, just listen to the guitar solo from about 5 minutes into the video.

Anyway – that’s it. I’ve completed my second 31 day blogathon and I must say that it has been fun and has actually ticked off a couple of “resolutions” for 2017 (although not completely). I don’t really want to highlight resolutions but if you set yourself a target and (kind of) achieve it, you suddenly feel a warm and fuzzy feeling inside – something akin to happiness and contentment.

I moaned earlier about how dreadful 2016 was and how January as a month is dark, dismal and depressing and how I needed a distraction and this series of posts has helped a lot. I have increased the amount of writing I have done and also resurrected a 30 day challenge and this has helped me forget about 2016 and this, the worst month of the year.

As we enter into February I am content. I still haven’t lost my temper with a rant about Brexit and Donald Trump despite provocation of the highest order and I can hopefully put all that behind me and start being more positive.

It’s tough but I recommend it.

What’s in store next?

February will bring more misery in terms of the cold British weather but in terms of writing, I am going to aim to complete the first draft of my terrible novel.

I am also currently attacking my language skills, by brushing up on my German and French and taking on another language – Italian. We are thinking of a trip to Italy in September so I would like to impress the locals by at least being able to ask for things in their native language. My exploits with Spanish have shown that this is very difficult – but I like a challenge.

Whether I’ll achieve it or not, who knows – but it will be fun trying.

I will also continue with this dreadful blog and maybe try to post more regularly. Sadly, for you dear reader, that means more garbage from Manchester but it at least it will help those who want to see “How Not To Write A Blog Post”.

See you in February sometime.

And, as a footnote, I hope you’ve experienced a wider range of music and enjoyed a little bit of prog!

Welcome to my world!

Progressive Thoughts - Day 21

My favourite artist over the past couple of years is Steven Wilson, the man behind Porcupine Tree. Today’s song is called Insurgentes, the title track of his first solo album:

Steven Wilson has a great ear for melody and his more mellow songs are simply beautiful, as you can see from today’s choice.

A lot of his music has an underlying theme of melancholy and some of the subjects he sings about are quite dark. For example, the theme of his most recent album is based on the true story of a young woman who moved to the city and disappeared without anybody noticing, despite the fact that she had friends and family. She had died in her bedsit in London and her body lay undiscovered for two years.

When I hear stories like this I am deeply saddened and I wonder how the poor woman could possibly have been missed for so long. If this had been a work of fiction I would have been sceptical about such a thing happening.

But it wasn’t fiction at all and that exposes a massive flaw in the way society functions.

One of the points about the story is that if you live in a small community then everybody seems to know you whether they are your friends or not. I have seen this myself in small villages and towns I have visited.

Small places seem friendlier in many ways. For example, you can stroll into a pub in a country village and immediately local people take notice of you because they don’t know who you are. The same happens in shops and many people will strike up a conversation to find out about you, perhaps wondering if you are going to become a local yourself.

Small places have more of a sense of community and people bond with each other more than they do in a city.

If you live in a metropolis such as London or Manchester, the chances are that you will join millions of others shopping in a huge city centre, eating in one of numerous restaurants throughout the urban sprawl and drinking beer in a variety of pubs in different neighbourhoods. If, like me, you wander around the city you rarely bump into people you know while you are out and about especially the further you go away from your own home.

The point is that in a city like London you can be anonymous whereas in a small community this is more difficult.

At my current time of life, I am still captivated by cities and exploring the place is better if you are anonymous. I know a lot of people in Manchester as you would imagine but there are two and a half million people living within the metropolitan area and it is impossible to build such a sense of community. Manchester United football club regularly cram 75,000 people into the stadium for football matches – that is more people than the population of some small towns and if you ever visit the place it can be daunting when you are sitting in the top tiers of the stadium looking down at the thousands of people all united and focussed on the football.

To be honest, I try not to think about the anonymity in a big city and I imagine that as I get older the temptation to move to a smaller cosier place by the sea will become far more appealing.

Thankfully I am still young and mobile enough to have fun in the sprawl that is Manchester and I hope it continues for many years to come.

Progressive Thoughts - Day 17

Today’s song is called Trains by the brilliant Porcupine Tree. This is a beautiful and thought-provoking song written, of course, by the amazing Steven Wilson.

You may initially think the song is about trains but there is much more to it than that. I think it’s a song about summer love and childhood with trains providing the hook for the memory of long summers past.

As I sit here typing this post in the deepest darkest depths of winter I long for sun and summer.

January and February are the worst months of the year for me and when they vanish I usually celebrate.

December is actually cold and dark too but at least we have Christmas to raise our spirits and make life enjoyable. Remove that and you just have cold, dark miserable January. It’s dark in the morning when I go to work and dark in the evening when I get back. The only daylight I see is through an office window so my daily two mile walk at lunchtime is just that little bit better – that is unless January weather has kicked in and decided to drop snow or what seems like the entire Atlantic Ocean on my poor head as I navigate the cold streets.

These two awful months are the low point and I actually start to feel slightly depressed. I don’t suffer from depression but somehow the dark grey skies and freezing weather haul my usually happy demeanour down towards despair.

However, I’m nothing if not optimistic.

I usually try to arrange a couple of things to make January a busy month so that I can take my mind off the negative aspects that January and February force to the surface. For example, I have a couple of gigs lined up and I am enjoying pouring my thoughts out to the world in a daily blog, as rubbish as they may be. I also have a trip to London arranged and a weekend in Chester enjoying an engagement party for some friends.

I will get through this with flying colours and as soon as the weather warms up and the buds appear signalling the arrival of spring, I shall smile a lot more.

And then summer will come with its wonderful long days.

Mind you, some British people may scoff at that last sentence because although the days are long, the weather doesn’t always play along. I don’t care because summer also brings with it the holiday season where Mrs PM and I will leave Britain’s shores to enjoy a break in places we know will be sunny and beautiful.

This year, we have a couple of holidays booked already and others planned.

For example we are visiting our friends in Abu Dhabi in April, taking time out to go to Dubai for a couple of days. In June we have booked a week in Corfu in Greece with my two lads. Later in the year we off for a weekend break in Madrid with friends before finally heading to Italy somewhere in September hopefully.

When I wake up tomorrow on a cold miserable January morning I shall subconsciously counting down to when the days warm up and grow longer and imagine myself walking around the English countryside on a sunny day or visiting a foreign city in a warm climate or perhaps even strolling along a beautiful beach with the sea lapping up to the shore.

I’ll get through this – I always do.

A Musical 2016

In 2016, we lost several musical icons; Prince, David Bowie, Rick Parfitt, Greg Lake, Keith Emerson, Glen Frey, Leonard Cohen and even George Michael.

I hope they all rest in peace.

From a personal perspective,  I have consolidated my collection with new recordings by some of my favourite artists but have also discovered a new artist in the genre of Progressive Metal and he has blown me away with his raw talent.

The year started off with Steven Wilson releasing an extended player to keep fans ticking over while he works on new material. The album is called 4½ and contains previously unreleased songs that didn’t quite make it on his last two albums. The song Happiness III, in my previous post, appears on the album so I won’t repeat it again.

Next, Progressive Metal giants Dream Theater released a colossal new album called The Astonishing and it is truly astonishing because it is a huge rock opera featuring 34 songs lasting well over two hours. Here is something called The Gift Of Music, which even features a gospel choir:

Dutch Symphonic Metal band Delain also released a new album, with the strange title, Moonbathers. The final song on the album is a beautiful song called The Monarch that wouldn’t be out of place as part of a movie soundtrack:

I also revisited a Progressive Rock band from Poland, called Riverside. What is sad about this band is that now, just as I have completed my collection of their albums, I discovered that their guitarist Piotr Grudzinski  died of a cardiac arrest at the young age of just 40 years old – yet another sad loss from 2016. Here is a song called Egoist Hedonist:

And now to my discovery; Devin Townsend. I have actually seen him live once as lead vocals for the legendary guitarist Steve Vai way back in the late 1980s. What I didn’t realise at the time was that this fiery young Canadian is a prolific and extremely talented multi-instrumentalist with the ability to write a wide range of styles of music, from ambient rock to extreme Progressive Metal with everything in between including, bizarrely, country rock (which I’m not that keen on to be honest). Most of his songs are brilliant, weird, funny and epic.

Here are a couple of songs from some of his albums I have bought this year. First, March of the Poozers:

The next one is called War:

Devin also released a new album this year called Transcendence. Here is an amazing song called Stormbending:



However, there is one album that he released way back in 2009 that is my absolute favourite. I love every single song on the album. The album is called Addicted! and is amazing. Here are a couple of songs. first, the title track, an amazing heavy metal song:

Next, a wonderful song called Hyperdrive! Featuring the amazing Anneke van Giersbergen on vocals:

Devin Townsend’s back catalogue is immense and I shall be dipping into it more in 2017.

And if you didn’t believe me about country rock, here is an example:

I’m looking forward to 2017 and hope it is a great year musically as well as for everything else.

Happy New Year Everybody

The Alternative Eurovision Song Contest

Last night I watched a truly European phenomenon on my telly box; The Eurovision Song Contest. This year, the competition was broadcast throughout the world for the first time, including China and the United States.

So now the whole world knows that the whole of Europe is absolutely crazy!

I am guilty because this competition, now in its 61st year, is an annual spectacle which is a mixture of pomp and utter madness. Some of the songs are absolutely crazy and, to be honest, absolutely dreadful.

Last night was no exception. I watched the show laughing my head off at the over the top theatrics and marvelled at how poor the continent’s taste in music actually is. Even the United Kingdom’s effort was dreadful and, quite rightly, finished a poor 24th out of 26 songs.

One or two, vaguely interested me but that is about it.

Even Australia had an entry. Why? I don’t know; they were guests last year for the 60th anniversary but why they were in it this year is beyond me. Not that I have anything against Australia – the country is not in Europe so therefore should not take part.

Worse, what amazes me is that all of the nations taking part have artists that can produce genuinely fine music in most genres – ourselves included. Yet we have to endure pop songs, weird songs and absolutely dreadful songs from all nations.

Yet, perversely, I am drawn to it because, in my opinion it is so bad that it is brilliant. Mrs PM and I watched the show picking our favourites (which was a massive struggle for me because they were all awful) only to be disappointed at the end when the rest of Europe (and Australia) voted a dreadful Ukrainian song as the winner.

I may sound like a dreadful bore and a man who criticizes music just for a rant but I can’t help it – and I am certain that most people think the same way (they just won’t admit it).

Anyway, I read a blog post recently that proposed a new slant on Eurovision by selecting Heavy Metal songs from each of the countries. The author is Big D at Assorted Thoughts From An Unsorted Mind and I have decided to plagiarise his idea, except for one subtle difference. I am going to pick songs from my own collection which may or may not be rock songs.

Without further ado, here is my alternative Eurovision Song Contest – limited to 10 songs, rather than the 26 of the original competition (my God – we’d be here all night!).

If you fancy it, take your pick and let me know your favourite. One thing I can guarantee you – there are no singing grannies from Russia, no bearded women from Austria and no bad songs!

Poland

I have a beautiful progressive rock song for you to start with from Poland. The band is called Riverside and the song is called Found (The Unexpected Flaw of Searching).

France

I really like Air, an electronic duo from France who produce very melodic relaxing pop songs. This beautiful song called Redhead Girl is typical of the band.

The Netherlands

Within Temptation are one of two symphonic metal bands I like from Holland. Don’t be put off by the label “metal” because this song, Edge of the World, is a beautiful orchestral piece that would win Eurovision – of that I have no doubt.



Ireland

If it’s Ireland it can only be Enya. Here is a beautiful relaxing song called Afer Ventus– which bizarrely is sung in Latin.



Sweden

Livening things up a bit with the Swedish entry, we have The Hives. If at first you don’t succeed Try It Again.



Norway

You have almost certainly heard of A-ha. I was a big fan of the band because they wrote great pop songs. Minor Earth Major Sky is a later song after their early to mid-1980’s peak.

Finland

Nightwish are another symphonic metal band but veer into the realms of progressive rock by flirting with different styles. The Islander is a almost a folk song.

Belgium/Australia

Gotye was born in Belgium but now lives in Australia so I am killing two birds with one stone with this song. You will have heard it before – a great pop song called Somebody That I Used To Know.

Germany 

Mein Land is a fun song from German industrial band Rammstein, which believe it or not is not as heavy as their usual numbers. The video is a little naughty and turns into mayhem at the end. It would do well at Eurovision I think.

United Kingdom

For the UK it has to be a song from my current favourite British artist, Steven Wilson. There are so many good songs but here is an upbeat song from his current album called Happiness III.

And Finally…

Over to you, dear reader.

If you feel like telling me which one you would vote for, feel free.

Alternatively, if you watched Eurovision this weekend - did you actually like any of the songs?

Personally I would vote for all of them because in my opinion, they are all better than anything Eurovision has offered (well since Abba and Lordi won it anyway).

A Musical 2015

After last year, I didn’t think that 2015 would improve in terms of musical discoveries and new material but the truth is that it has been an awesome year.

There have been discoveries, rediscoveries and lots of new recordings. I spent a lot of money on music this year and could have spent a lot more.

Rediscoveries

Arena are a British progressive rock band and, thanks to a free CD on a classic rock magazine, I had two songs by the band in my collection. At the start of the year, I decided to check the band out a little more thoroughly. I now have three albums by the band: The Visitor, Immortal and Contagion and I have to say that they are all excellent albums, particularly Contagion which has a superb driving rock song called Witch Hunt, the highlight of three brilliant albums:

Way back in the early 1980’s Gary Numan was one of the most popular pop stars of the time, and has influenced a lot of fellow artists over the years including Nine Inch Nails, one of my favourite bands. In 2015 it came to my attention that he was still active when I caught an interview with him. I discovered that he had released an album in 2013 so I searched for it and had a listen. I was amazed. The album, Splinter (Songs From A Broken Mind) is a triumph, dark, brooding and expresses the feelings of a mind in the deep throes of depression. Here is a brilliant song from the album called Love Hurt Bleed:

Discovery

Thanks to a chance search on Google, I found a collaboration between one of my favourite artists, Steven Wilson and a Polish artist I had never heard of called Mariusz Duda, who is the lead singer and bassist of a Polish progressive rock band called Riverside, who are absolutely magnificent.

I now have their first three albums, Out of Myself, Second Life Syndrome and Rapid Eye Movement all of which form a concept trio called the Reality Dream Trilogy. This band are and will be massive in my collection and I am amazed they are not more widely known in progressive rock circles. Here is a beautiful song called Conceiving You from the best of the three albums, Second Life Syndrome:

Old Favourites with New Material

A lot of old favourites have released new material this year and here are the cream of the crop. First, Joe Satriani, my favourite guitarist, is back with a cracking new album called Shockwave Supernova. Here is a great driving rock song from the album called On Peregrine Wings:

Old favourites Whitesnake also released a new album this year. Rather than writing new material, David Coverdale, the lead singer, went back to his days with Deep Purple and recorded cover versions from his time with the band in an album called The Purple Album. To be honest, I am pleasantly surprised at the result; he has brought them into the 21st century and they are superb. Here is their version of my favourite Deep Purple song with Coverdale at the helm:

Muse also returned with a great new concept album called Drones. The thing I like about Muse albums is that there is always one absolutely driving classic rock song on each album that I can use to drive Mrs PM up the wall with. Drones is no exception and that song is particularly annoying because it contains a lot of swearing. Here is the song, called Psycho – reader discretion is required:

Psycho was very nearly my song of 2015 – but two pipped it to the post.

The band I discovered last year, Nightwish, released a brand new album this year called Endless Forms Most Beautiful, and it is a symphonic metal masterpiece. The band has a new female lead singer called Floor Jansen who has an absolutely amazing voice, able to reach operatic levels and deep growling heavy metal snarls. The last track of the album, The Greatest Show on Earth is a magnificent 24 minute symphonic metal epic, complete with orchestra that would fit snugly into a classical music connoisseur’s collection. If you fancy something new, look it up on YouTube – you won’t be disappointed if you like classical music with a hint of majesty and a generous helping of heavy metal. My second favourite new song of 2015 is called Yours Is An Empty Hope – a down to earth heavy metal opus backed magnificently by orchestral arrangements. Get your air guitars and violins out:

What can top that, I hear you cry. Sadly, for Nightwish, Steven Wilson also released a new album in 2015 called Hand. Cannot. Erase. This guy is a genius and I was lucky enough to see him live earlier this year, performing the album in its entirety. The album tells the deeply sad story, based on fact, of a young woman who was found dead in her flat and despite being popular, nobody missed her for three years.

The album is a triumph and, as the concept suggests, deeply sorrowful and thought-provoking. Perhaps the most poignant song on the entire album is a song about a woman who uses her daily household routine to keep her sane after suffering a real tragedy in her life. When this song was performed live, the beautiful animation you are about to see was played on a screen at the back of the stage and I am sure that there were a few years shed at the end of it. The song is called Routine and is a beautiful, yet deeply tragic song. Prepare to have your heart strings well and truly tugged:

I’m really looking forward to 2016 as it promises to be even better. New albums are due from Steven Wilson and Dream Theater and I have already discovered a new artist that will almost certainly feature heavily on my playlist when I next visit a music shop.

Here’s to a musical 2016 and I wish every single reader a wonderfully Happy New Year.

Porcupine Tree - The Meme

I’m sorry, dear reader, but it’s time again for a little self-indulgence. Recent readers will have heard me sing the praises of Steven Wilson, an English progressive rock musician and singer whose talents are endless.

Steven Wilson is a multi-instrumentalist with the fantastic ability to produce memorable songs  and is criminally unknown to most people.

I said in a previous post that I would start with Steven’s solo career but I have decided to begin with the band that made him famous (well famous-ish) – Porcupine Tree.

1. How long have you been a fan?

I have recently written about my war on crap music but the truth is I started fighting this war a few years ago. In 2010, I decided that I wanted to discover a new band – well new to me anyway. I am a huge fan of progressive rock music and after a few searches with my good friend Mr Google, I stumbled on an article recommending a band called Porcupine Tree. I’m always willing to at least give a band a try, so I fired up my trusty Spotify program and searched for the band.

The first album that appeared was called In Absentia so I clicked the album and set about my business with the music as background. It didn’t take long for me to stop what I was doing and fully concentrate on the music.

I played it repeatedly over the next couple of weeks and bought the CD.

So the answer is, I have been a fan for five years.

I really wish I had discovered them earlier.

2. Do you remember the first song of theirs you heard?

The first song that really made an impression was called Trains from In Absentia. This is a truly beautiful song – but don’t take my word for it; see the next question below.

3. What’s your favourite album(s)?

I have seven albums by the band and I love all of them. However, I do have three albums that I prefer to the rest. They are:

In Absentia (2002)

Deadwing (2005)

Fear of a Blank Planet (2007)

4. What’s your favourite song(s)?

It is so difficult to choose my favourite songs but I am going to have a go at picking five for you. The songs range from being extremely beautiful and melodic to much heavier as well as fully fledged progressive leviathans bringing together a wide range of musical styles. 

If you were to ask me again in a month’s time, I might pick a different set of songs – but for now my top five is as follows:

At 5: Trains from In Absentia (2002):

Steven Wilson definitely has a great ear for melody and this beautiful track was the first song to catch my attention. I played this over and over again, so much so that Mrs PM almost knew it by heart.

At 4: Lazarus from Deadwing (2005):

When I saw Steven Wilson on his solo tour a couple of weeks ago, he played Lazarus, citing it as one of the songs he was most proud of. I agree – I think he should be proud.

At 3: Fear of a Blank Planet from Fear of a Blank Planet (2007):

The title track of Fear of a Blank Planet is a cracking rock song and a fitting opener for a fantastic album.

At 2: Anaesthetize from Fear of a Blank Planet (2007):

Be warned – this song is a monster, coming in at 17 minutes long. It has everything, including a guest appearance from Alex Lifeson, the guitarist from my favourite band, Rush. It flows from beautiful melancholy to rampant rock with a touch of heavy metal. It is a truly colossal masterpiece.



At 1: Arriving Somewhere But Not Here from Deadwing (2005):

My favourite song by the band is another progressive rock masterpiece, coming in at 12 minutes. It is everything I love about Porcupine Tree and songs in general – a wonderful tune that builds up from a beautiful melody, flowing seamlessly into a great rock song before cranking right up to a magnificent burst of heavy metal and finally calming down back into a beautiful mellow conclusion.

5. Have you ever seen them live? (How often?)

Sadly, no.

Steven Wilson has put the band on hiatus since 2009 to concentrate on his solo career. Having released four solo albums since then, I am not convinced that they will reconvene. Hopefully I am wrong.

However, Steven performed a couple of Porcupine Tree songs live when I saw him recently.

Does that count?

6. Have you ever met them?

No. But I would love to.

7. Do you have a favourite era of their career?

I prefer the period between 2002 and 2007 but the other albums are still excellent.

8. Is there a song or album of theirs you dislike?

The earliest albums by the band are a little too weird for my taste. I didn’t bother buying them.

9. What do they or their music mean to you?

Although Rush are my all-time favourite band, spanning decades, Porcupine Tree have made a significant recent impact and helped me to rediscover my love of progressive rock. Their music is wonderful and is still high up on my playlist. I will love the band for years to come.

10. Do you get annoyed when other people don’t like them?

I am really annoyed that this wonderful band are not well known. I am convinced that if they received the same airplay as a shit band like One Direction, they would have an army of fans.

11. Which artist do you want them to collaborate with?

The collaboration with Alex Lifeson of Rush is enough for me.

12. Are they underappreciated/unknown?

Totally. See my answer to question 10.

13. Is there a song of them that everybody likes but you dislike?

I’m sure there is. I don’t know what it is though.

14. Do people think you are too obsessed with the artist?

Mrs PM thinks I’m too obsessed with Steven Wilson generally. When she read my post about my war on crap music she said “You’re not going on about him AGAIN are you?”

I have no doubt she will say the same about this post.

Also, I have probably been boring my work colleagues about him too.

15. Do you pre-order their new albums without having heard any music from it?

No – but only because they haven’t released a new album since I started listening to them. If they get back together for a new album, I will buy it immediately.

And Finally ...

Thanks again for allowing me to indulge myself.

I hope I have created at least one new fan.

The War Against Crap Music

Last night I went to see my current favourite musical hero in concert and this was a euphoric experience in more ways than one.

The artist in question was Steven Wilson, a musical genius in every sense of the phrase.

First, the concert was a triumph. It was everything I thought it would be. The music was perfect and on more than one occasion, I was so lost in the melodies and songs that a tear of joy escaped from my eye and rolled gently down my cheek.

Second, I had persuaded a friend of mine to take a chance and see the concert. His musical taste does not walk hand in hand with mine, but there is an overlap. When I bought the tickets, a few months ago, I suggested that he listen to Steven’s solo music on the internet and also that of his former band (currently on hiatus), Porcupine Tree. 

There was no way he would ever hear the work on the radio so he would have to use the internet. It didn't take him long to find it and since then he has devoured the music. He loves Steven Wilson and, like me, thinks it’s a crime against humanity that this guy is not massively famous. He has already started to delve into his back catalogue.

Finally, the venue for the concert was Manchester Bridgewater Hall, a place usually reserved for classical music concerts. And the place was packed with a wildly varied audience, ranging from the odd rock lover to entire families of music lovers including kids. 

Steven’s music is basically progressive rock but, my God, does the man have an ear for melody. He has experimented with jazz, orchestral arrangements, progressive rock, pop music and heavy metal – sometimes all in the same song. 

What I liked best was the fact that there is a huge audience for his music, people who have turned their backs on shit like the X Factor and radio friendly nonsense that I ranted about earlier this year in A Rant About Music.

I am not the only one.

I have allies in this battle.

It’s not easy though. 

On Friday night, I was in a pub in Manchester, celebrating a friend from work’s fortieth birthday, when I opted to leave early. The reason for leaving was that I wanted a totally clear head to see Steven Wilson and it was the most important event of the weekend for me. 

“Who?” came the incredulous replies as I tried to leave the pub at around 9pm. “Never heard of him!”

I could have stayed and discussed this further with another pint of ale but I chose to leave rather than risking hangover. This was the big event of the weekend for me and nothing was going to ruin it.

As I lay in bed this morning, remembering the concert and trying to describe it to Mrs PM, I discovered that she too had no interest.

“But the music is beautiful,” I said. “I’m not asking you to like it; I’m asking you to listen to the concepts.”

I tried to explain a song called Routine from the latest (and truly brilliant) album called Hand. Cannot. Erase., which describes a woman who uses the routine of the mundane chores every day of her life to keep her going. I didn’t really grasp the full meaning of the song until I saw it performed live, with a very moving animated video being shown in the background. The woman, preparing meals for four, washing, cleaning, ironing to help her sane until towards the end of the song she shrieks finally:

Routine keeps me in line

Helps me pass the time

Concentrate my mind 

Helps me to sleep

And keep making beds and keep the cat fed

Open the Windows let the air in

And keep the house clean and keep the routine

Paintings they make still stuck to the fridge

At this point in the video we learn that her entire family, husband and two children, died in a car crash and the "routine" is how she copes with the loss.

Heart-wrenching stuff that allowed one of my tears to escape.

The song is beautiful, melodic with disturbing undertones and has a truly magnificent guest female vocal and a choir boy and is technically brilliant as well as very intelligent.

The whole album is the same, full of deep emotional songs transcending various genres with a progressive feel but also a couple of, what I would describe as pop songs. Of course, it is progressive rock at the end of the day, but there are no songs that I don’t like.

It is a triumph and to be absolutely frank, should be made available to a wider audience.

I’m not asking you to like Steven Wilson or his music, dear reader; I’m offering it to you as an alternative to the tired old fodder that is spoon-fed to you by corporate executive billionaires who want to peddle crap music that makes them richer. I want to fire a broadside across the bows of radio stations who claim to speak for the population by playing “the music that they love” when in reality they are TELLING the people what music they SHOULD love by limiting the amount they can listen too.

Even Madonna may become an ally in this war as BBC Radio One, the so-called “kids” radio station here in the UK, has removed her current single from their playlist. 

What goes around, comes around, eh Madge? Now you know how the rest of the struggling music makers feel.

I equate this struggle to thinking that McDonald’s is the only place to get food when there is a gourmet restaurant  hidden in the back streets of the city that is not advertised and you have to search around for. Not all these restaurants are good - but most of them are far better than the bland burgers offered by Ronald McDonald.

To complete my role in this analogy, I want to be the man who meets you off the train and says:

"Before you go to McDonalds, take a look at this book, which is full of decent restaurants to try.”

In fact, that's an even better analogy:

Simon Cowell is the Ronald McDonald of the music industry.

Later in the month I will dedicate a meme to Steven Wilson’s solo work and maybe next month, I will do the same for his band Porcupine Tree.

In the meantime, here is a song called Perfect Life from Hand.Cannot.Erase. featuring the spoken words of Katherine Jenkins, the opera singer.

Remember, I’m not asking you to like it; I’m just trying to broaden your horizons and erode the influence of Simon Cowell and his cohorts.

Equally, I am willing to listen to anything you have to offer me, dear reader, and it doesn't matter what genre the music is.

I will champion anything I feel should be out there - even if it's jazz!!

Please join me.

We can do this!

Who’s with me?

Ambient Rock

I’m off on my travels again next week, this time a short holiday to Berlin. I’ve only been to Germany once, a visit to the Oktoberfest in Munich way back in 1983, when I took on German beer and lost spectacularly.

I thought that it was about time I revisited the country to practice my German again (as poor as it is), and I think it might be nice to start a tradition where I share some of my thoughts about music before trips, before sharing some photos and experience of my visit on my return.

I was going to post some music about Hallowe’en since it’s 31st October today, but rather than encourage something I don’t really believe in, I’ve decided to go to the other extreme and prove to people who hate rock music, that some of the loudest and most obnoxious bands (in their eyes anyway) can be a source of calming pleasure.

Here are five glorious rocks songs that you can relax to with a glass of wine in a candlelit room with your loved one in your arms.

Steven Wilson – Veneno Para Las Hadas




Regular readers will know that I am a huge fan of progressive rock maestro Steven Wilson. He seems to improve with every album, and while his music wouldn’t really be described as “heavy”, his band Porcupine Tree have produced some fantastic rock music. This particular track is from his first solo album called Insurgentes and is a beautiful, slow and mesmerising masterpiece.

Nine Inch Nails – Ghosts 1 – 9

  

Trent Reznor of Nine Inch Nails is another musical maestro in my view and his music forms a large percentage of my collection. A few years ago, he produced a double album entitled Ghosts I to 4, containing 36 instrumental tracks, nine for each Ghost part. This is the final part of Ghosts I and is a very pleasant little tune.

Foo Fighters – Still

I’m really looking to the new Foo Fighters album in November and I daresay it will have a dominant position in my car for the next few months or so. While the band can produce some magnificent rockers, they are very good at taking it easy and producing a mellow ambient song. In fact, this is one of my favourite songs by the band.

Black Sabbath – Fluff

People who hate rock music hate Black Sabbath in particular. Yet, if you had never heard of the band and listened to this song first of all, you would find it very difficult to imagine that they were the founders of heavy metal with Ozzy Osbourne at the helm. This is a beautiful song and shows just what great musicians they are.

Rammstein – Ein Lied (A Song) 



It seems fitting that the final song comes from a German band. Rammstein are controversial and sometimes very heavy. Yet they too can turn the volume down and produce a lovely little ambient piece. Again, if this was the first song by the band you had heard, you would have no idea of their reputation nor would you imagine there explosive antics on stage.

Anyway, I hope you like the songs and I shall return with photos of Berlin in due course.

Yet Another Music Meme

I love a good meme and I love a good music meme even more. I have discovered yet another one while prowling cyberspace so without further ado, let’s get going.

1. Which bands/artist do you own the most albums by?

That’s easy – Rush. Given that the band is very soon celebrating their 40th anniversary, and they have been my favourite band since 1981, it’s kind of obvious really. In total I have nineteen albums by the band, including live recordings. Let’s hope they continue to make superb music for a while yet.

2. What was the last song you listened to?

I am currently have iTunes on shuffle on my desk top and the song that has just finished is Here Is The News by Electric Light Orchestra, a classic from the early 1980’s.

3. What’s in your CD player right now?

The song I am currently listening to is Every Day Is Exactly The Same by Nine Inch Nails:

So the album is With Teeth (by the same band of course).

4. What was the last show you attended?

The last gig I went to was Within Temptation at the Manchester Apollo, earlier this year. For those of you who haven’t heard of them, they are a symphonic metal band from Holland.

5. What was the greatest show you’ve ever been to?

I think that would have to be Rammstein, a highly controversial German industrial metal band who sing almost exclusively in German yet are massively popular among the metal loving English speaking world. The show was incredible, full of fire, fun and a massive audience of English people all singing in German – myself included.

6. What’s the worst show you’ve ever been to?

That’s easy – Cher. My ex-wife persuaded me against my better judgement to drive all the way to the Birmingham NEC in the late 1980’s to see this so-called superstar. The support was fairly dreadful but Cher simply took the piss in terms of value for money. I was used to seeing the feature artist on stage for at least an hour and a half. Sher came on and sang a few songs, changed her costume every five minutes and played for just over an hour. The best bit of the concert was when she disappeared for five minutes and left her dancers to show their art to a fairly good rock instrumental – but even that was ruined by a big screen showing us all how great Cher was at singing and acting. At the time it was the most expensive gig I had been to, which is another reason why I hated it.

7. What’s the most musically involved you have ever been?

I guess that means taking part in a musical act of some kind. I have played a trombone in the school orchestra at Walsall Town Hall in front of an appreciative audience of parents and teachers and also played in a brass group in the school hall in front of a similar bunch of people, including a stand up solo to the Floral Dance. How embarrassing.

8. What show are you looking forward to?

I have three concerts lined up in the next few months but the one I am looking forward to most is Steel Panther, a kind of extreme version of Spinal Tap who take the piss out of 1980’s heavy metal. They are extremely  rude and offensive but hilarious.

9. What is your favorite band shirt?

I don’t buy band shirts anymore because, quite frankly, they are a complete waste of money.  The last one I bought was Guns’n’Roses way back in the early 1990’s, so I’ll select that one.

10. What musician would you like to hang out with for a day?

I think my current favourite is a guy called Steven Wilson, a progressive rock genius who is the main songwriter and driving force behind Porcupine Tree. He has recently released his third solo album called The Raven That Refused To Sing (and Other Stories) which is one of the best albums I have heard for years. I would like to spend a day watching him at work.

11. Who is one musician or group you wish would make a comeback?

I would like Led Zeppelin to go into the studio one more time, with Jason Bonham replacing his father John on the drums, and record an album in the same style as their very first album.

A particular favourite is Dazed and Confused and if they could reproduce a bluesy masterpiece like this I would be absolutely delighted.

12. Who is one band/artist you’ve never seen live but always wanted to?

Again that has to be either Steven Wilson as a solo artist or with his band Porcupine Tree. He toured last year and played in Manchester but sadly, I was in Muscat so I couldn’t go.

13. Name four or more flawless albums:

I have a lot of flawless albums - but these immediately leap to mind.

AC/DC – Back in Black
Air – Pocket Symphony
Dream Theater – Metropolis Part II: Scenes from a Memory
Foo Fighters – Echoes, Silence, Patience and Grace
Joe Satriani – The Extremist
Metallica – Master of Puppets
Nine Inch Nails – The Downward Spiral
Porcupine Tree – Fear of a Blank Planet
Queensrÿche – Operation Mindcrime
Rammstein – Liebe Ist Fur Alle Da
Rush – Clockwork Angels
Steven Wilson – The Raven That Refused To Sing (and other stories)
Within Temptation – The Unforgiving

14. How many music related videos/DVDs do you own?

I own a couple of Rush DVD’s, and ones by Alice Cooper, Roger Waters and Nine Inch Nails.

15. How many concerts/shows have you been to, total?

I’ve been to so many over the years that I simply cannot remember. I would say well over a hundred.

16. Who have you seen the most live?

Bizarrely, the band I have seen most is Thunder, a British rock band from the 1990’s who still tour occasionally. They play good old British rock music that is totally inoffensive and extreme fun. In fact I have actually met the guys when my mate managed to wangle a couple of tickets to the after show party.

Here is a sample of their work:

Here's when I met them (in 2005):

17. What is your favourite movie soundtrack?

I don’t own this OST but I would say The Matrix because it has two fantastic songs on it as well as a few other great songs. Here are Du Hast by Rammstein and Dragula by Rob Zombie.

18. What was your last musical “phase” before you wisened up?

To be honest, I love music from all the phases I have passed through – including 1970’s disco. See next question.

19. What’s your “guilty pleasure” that you hate to admit to liking?

I know – I shouldn’t like this but I do and I can’t help it. it takes me back to a time when I loved bopping away with all the other kids at the school disco in the 1970’s.

I present to you, Daft Punk with Get Lucky – and I love this song and I don't mind admitting it.

Progressive Rock Is Magnificent

I have written a number of negative posts about things I dislike, such as golf, opera and Shakespeare. I think it’s about time I started to be a bit more positive and perhaps a little more self-indulgent; I aim to pepper my inane drivel with posts about things I truly love.

I will start with a music genre that you may or may not be familiar with: progressive rock.

What is progressive rock?

Progressive rock (or prog rock) is a subset of rock music where the normal accepted rules about what constitutes a song or the music are cast aside in favour of experimentation, key changes, lengthy masterpieces and fusions with other styles of music to elevate the pieces above the normal formulaic rock recipe.

Basically it is rock music without rules.

Progressive rock music tends to be experimental and the songs range in length for you normal four or five minutes up to 15 minutes, 20 minutes or more. The songs are full of key changes, time signature changes and are serious musical works of art in some case, comparable with classical music. Some songs I have even fused genres I’m not keen on into the mix, such as jazz and although I am not too keen on every experiment they try, for the most part the result is resounding success.

The very first single I ever bought was a progressive rock single by Emerson, Lake and Palmer. My favourite band is Rush, a progressive rock band that are approaching their 40th anniversary. My CD collection is full of albums by artists such as Rush, Dream Theater, Porcupine Tree and Pink Floyd the true heavyweights of the genre in my view.

And these days, Muse are carrying the torch, producing commercially acceptable music but filling their albums with superb progressive songs.

I have mates who share a lot of my musical taste and we often go to rock gigs together. The overlap is significant and I have seen some phenomenal rock bands with them.

However, they draw the line at progressive rock and leave me alone in my love of the genre. I don’t like going to gigs on my own but have recently been forced to simply because I can’t persuade anyone to part with their cash to see a band who, in my opinion, is full of technically brilliant musical virtuosos.

“Why don’t you fancy going to see Dream Theater? “ I asked my mate two years ago.

“Because their songs last about 15 minutes and go on and on and on,” he replied. To him a song should last five minutes at most.

I can see his point but I disagree. When I listen to classical music, a symphony for example, I listen to a musical masterpiece that lasts for ages and carries me to a happy imaginary place.

Progressive rock does the same for me.

Of course, not all of their songs are that long. For example, these days, the average length of a Rush song is around five or six minutes. The problem is that these shorter songs are also technically stunning, intelligent songs that challenge the status quo in terms of acceptable music.

Detractors of progressive rock argue that the genre is self-indulgent, long-winded and pretentious. I know Mrs PM thinks so. To her and many others you should be able to dance to a song and it should be a short sharp bout of happiness. To her, progressive rock is all about fantasy, geekdom, weirdness, self-indulgent solos and nonsensical lyrics.

Her views are summed up in this entertaining  little parody from Bill Bailey:

However, when I listen to prog, I have no desire to dance, mostly I simply want to sing, conduct or play the air guitar or drums or simply close my eyes and let the music take me on a long journey through my imagination. The lyrical content, particularly from Rush, is intelligent and well-crafted.

Music is more than little pop songs. It’s much, much deeper than that.

Here are some examples by my favourite progressive rock bands, that I think illustrate the diversity of the genre. If you are expecting a load of noise, rock guitars and heavy metal, then you will be surprised. Have a listen and see what you think. Don’t get me wrong, some output can be extremely heavy and noisy; the difference is that even the loudest and fastest songs are technically brilliant:

Muse – The Second Law: Isolated System 

If you have seen World War Z then you will recognise this song as it was used as the main theme of that movie. This particular song is almost orchestral, extremely melodic and is a far cry from some of their more commercial output.

Pink Floyd – Comfortably Numb

There are certain songs that bring a tear to my eyes and Comfortably Numb is one of them. Again, it is a wonderfully enchanting song with a beautiful orchestral feel to it, yet with a suggestion of malice as an undercurrent to the song. 

Rush – Mystic Rhythms
Rush are one of those bands that have a loyal army of fans but only few people have heard of. I went to see Rush this year and when I told Mrs PM that the venue was the MEN Arena, Manchester’s biggest musical venue, played by people like Madonna, she simply couldn’t understand how they would manage to fill the place. They did and the concert was fantastic. The fans are loyal because Rush have been producing brilliant music since I was a teenager. Mystic Rhythms is the song I selected because it reminds me of a key moment in my life in 1985. I could write a book about my life with the music of Rush as the soundtrack.

Porcupine Tree – Arriving Somewhere, But Not Here

This song is an example of a relatively long song that is a classical masterpiece. I love songs that start off slowly and melodically, and then build up and up taking you along for the ride. It is a beautiful song and reaches a crescendo about half way through before drifting back to a soothing melodic conclusion. I love it.

Dream Theater – Bridges In The Sky


Dream Theater are classed in some quarters as progressive metal, that is, their music has a much harder edge to it. Furthermore, the average length of their songs is well over ten minutes, some of them approaching and exceeding twenty minutes. This is a typical example of a Dream Theater masterpiece, with throat singing at the start, a choir and an almost orchestral mix before the guitar kicks in and we find ourselves in heavy metal heaven. Dream Theater music is extremely complex and musically very challenging to play, I imagine. Yet at the same time, some of the band’s music is melodic and almost classical.

One of my favourite songs by Dream Theater is the 24 minute Octavarium and I recently found a symphonic version of the song covered by an orchestra. If you are a fan of classical music and have the stamina, listen to this masterpiece below and then look up the original Dream Theater version for comparison.

This sums up why progressive rock is magnificent and my favourite music genre. It is moderan classical music.

Over to you dear reader:

Have you heard of progressive rock?

Are you a fan of progressive rock? If so, who are your favourite bands?

Do you think progressive rock is a load of old pretentious crap?

As usual, if you disagree with me, let me know. I don't mind.

The Extremist

I have made a definite effort to put away my soapbox so far this year. I realise that in the past I have said that ranting is good for the soul  - and it is. The only problem is that people begin to regard you as a moaning old git – well in my case anyway.

While I may be quite amusing, I fear that the image I want to portray isn’t the one I intended. As a result I have popped my soapbox into storage for a while.

Now, however, I want to dust it off and have a good rant, inspired by recent news items over the last few years.

The target of my rant is nutters and extremists.

I have views and beliefs and regular readers will know exactly what pushes my buttons. For example, on this very blog I urge people to listen to hard rock and heavy metal because, in my opinion, it is absolutely worth it.

But I draw a line and stand firmly behind it.

I do not force people to listen to my music or threaten to inflict physical harm on those who disagree with my tastes. I do not kidnap people, tie them up and blast them with Judas Priest songs in an attempt to brainwash them into accepting and embracing my musical taste.

Mrs PM might disagree with this because I do tend to put my music on quite loudly sometimes. Nevertheless she has the power to:

(a) Go into another room.

(b) Go out.

(c) Punch me repeatedly until I turn off my music or put on something more tasteful.

(d) Set Liquorice the hellcat on me.

(e) Put on her dreadful music and drive me into submission.

I would not walk up to a lover of boy band music, a personal hatred of mine, and physically assault them – or worse - because of their taste in music.

The reason is obvious.

I am not an extremist.

I am not a nutter.

When I see crimes committed in the name of religion, skin colour, political beliefs, your choice of football team, the colour of the shirt you're wearing or the location of your home, I am filled with anger and sadness.

What right have these people to try to inflict their views on normal everyday people like you and I?

In Britain today our society is being slowly poisoned by extreme views from all sides and each time I see people trying to justify their beliefs and force others into the same beliefs it makes me so mad.

The majority of people in the world are passive folks who just want to live their lives in peace and harmony. Despite this, nutters the world over explode bombs, commit murder or attack people just because their appearance, beliefs and general outlook on life simply do not match the extremists' warped ideals.

Why should I listen to a bunch of nutters who want to reinforce their views with violence? Will a gathering of psychopaths in London who invariably end up clashing violently with nutters from the other side of the fence with the police in between make me change my opinions to match extremist views?

In a word – NO!

So why should we all have to put up with it?

A comedian once suggested that we should round up all these extremist nutters, ship them to an island and let them fight it out among themselves, leaving the rest of us to live our lives in peace. And while it was a bit of a joke, I personally would love something like that to happen.

Just imagine for a second a bunch of football hooligans. Most football fans, myself included, enjoy a decent football match and all of the banter between fans of opposing clubs. Many years ago, I went to see my favourite team, Walsall, play Portsmouth. There were so many Portsmouth fans that a few of them had to mingle with the Walsall fans and I found myself standing next to a young Portsmouth fan about my age. I thoroughly enjoyed the game (it finished 1-1) because throughout the 90 minutes, we exchanged witty banter about the game and our respective teams. There was no malice and no threats of violence and we parted with a handshake and a jovial pat on the back.

That’s the way it should be.

You may have seen documentaries about football hooligans on TV where so-called “firms” arrange to meet and kick seven colours of shit out of each other simply because one side supports Chelsea and the other side supports Millwall.

The football fan analogy is fairly accurate. Most football fans are, like myself, peaceful lovers of the game who want to watch a good match and have a bit of fun at the expense of the opposition. I live and work in Manchester and the rivalry between Manchester City and Manchester United is legendary. Yet at work, fans of Manchester United and Manchester City exchange witty banter without the need to beat each other up. That's because they are normal and not extreme in any way.

Yet there is small minority of people who feel the need to attack fans of other teams and totally spoil it for the rest of us.

Why? What will it achieve?

These guys are extremist nutters and it is the same no matter which sections of society they belong to and they seem to thrive on violence even when it leads to war, which in some cases it does.

They spoil it for everybody else, inflicting violence on innocent people who just want to exist in peace and harmony and put lives at risk.

We can never have world peace and the passive lives most normal people crave with these idiots and psychopaths trying to destroy everything.

It is said that many a true word is spoken in jest and maybe the comedian’s idea of extracting extremists from our society and exiling them all on a large uninhabited island with the hope that they ruin each other’s lives isn’t such a bad one after all.

I shall now step down from my soapbox and pop it back in the cupboard to gather dust again.

In the meantime, while I may joke about not forcing my musical taste on you, dear reader, I suggest you have a listen to this little beautiful mellow piece of progressive rock from Steven Wilson. The video is very poignant and it is a lovely song – called The Raven That Refused To Sing:

Don’t worry – listening and watching is optional and I won’t come around your house with a large blunt instrument if you choose not to listen to it or, for reasons beyond my comprehension, actually don’t like it.

All it means is that I have better musical taste than you do.

Of course – I’m only kidding.