Old Man Hoodie

Welcome to a beautiful day in South Manchester. The weather has been odd recently because we have had wall to wall sunshine in the last two weeks with higher than average temperatures. This has made my morning walks very enjoyable indeed. Sadly it will end on Sunday when rain is forecast. 

Last weekend we were in York with my two lads and the weather was fantastic. I love York and we don’t go there often enough in my opinion. We were pure tourists on Saturday, walking along the Shambles, visiting bookshops, sight-seeing and taking photographs of the Minster as well as throwing ourselves into the Jorvik centre where I gazed upon what York was like under Vikings in the year 1000. I am blond with blue eyes so maybe my ancestors were Vikings. I must make a mental note to get my DNA tested. 

Shall we answer some daft questions from Sunday Stealing? 

1. Do you own a pair of cargo pants?

No – I own two pairs of cargo pants. I must admit that I only bought them recently with a view to wearing them around the house instead of jeans but I do like them, I have to say. I think perhaps they are more fitting for a person younger than me but they are comfortable. 

On the same subject, just before I retired, the company insisted on giving everybody a company hoodie. I was leaving so I respectfully declined it. They insisted that I keep it so I reluctantly took it, vowing never to wear it. I planned to put it in the loft as a souvenir of working there. However, for a laugh, I wore it on my last day in the office and I have to say that I thought it was amazing. It was comfortable and really warm. 

And now, seven months after I retired, I still wear it around the house (I would never wear it outside because it advertises the company and makes me look like a huge geek). Moreover, I liked it so much that I bought two more hoodies. 

I have a couple of mates who I go to gigs with, one in his sixties and one in his fifties, and both of them wear hoodies with band logos on them. I think they look okay but one of them has been chastised by his wife for wearing a hoodie and cargo pants. “You look like a ten year old!” she said. 

I say – who cares? 

2. Which of these gifts from a romantic partner would please you most: a) jewellery, b) wine, c) a book, d) something grown in his/her garden?

I have bought jewellery, wine and books for Mrs PM over the years. 

Books and wine are easy because I know what she likes. However, buying jewellery for her is a nightmare. Her mum once bought her a ring and when she unwrapped it, I must admit I thought the ring was really nice, so much so that I told Mrs PM. She looked at me as if I had just crawled out of a primeval swamp. 

“It’s horrible,” she said. 

I was aware that I had bought her jewellery in the past without showing it to her first and I know that was a mistake. It was a response to “Surprise me!” when I asked what she wanted for Christmas. She still has the surprise jewellery that I bought her but I don’t think she wears it often. As for the ring, she gave it back to her mum to change and her mum ended up keeping it. Despite what Mrs PM said, I still like it and I backed her mum in this case. It is also the reason why I do not buy Mrs PM surprises any more and if she wants jewellery, she has to pick it herself and send me a link. 

That keeps us both happy. 

3. Who was the last person to toss a harsh word or phrase your way? Do you think that maybe you had it coming?

It was undoubtedly Mrs PM and I almost certainly absolutely deserved it. 

4. Did you appear in any plays back when you were in school? If yes, what role(s) did you play? Earn extra, non-existent points for sharing any of your dialogue.

Yes. I appeared in three plays, all of which occurred between the ages of eight and ten. 

The first was co-written by myself and friend and was a typical good guy/bad guy play set in a Western setting and was absolutely dreadful. I played a sheriff complete with cowboy hat and plastic holster and gun. We bought caps especially for it and had a shoot out in the saloon complete with tomato ketchup for special effects. 

The second was Sleeping Beauty and I played the Prince. I had to kiss the princess (poor girl) and she struggled not to laugh as I approached her. 

The third was Alice in Wonderland and I played gryphon, complete with a cloak acting as wings, a balaclava with a huge cardboard beak sewn onto the top and hundreds of bright yellow crepe paper  feathers stuck to the cloak, balaclava and my shirt to complete the effect. I had to sing a song with Alice and the Mock Turtle. And, yes, I do recall one line and the some of the song lyrics.

Lines:

“Hello, is your name Alice? I'm the Gryphon and I’ve come here to take you to see the Mock Turtle”.

Song Lyrics:

“Beautiful Soup! Beautiful Soup! Soup, soup of the evening! Beautiful beautiful soup!”

Do I get extra non-existent points?

5. Which Osmond do you like better: Donny or Marie?

That’s like choosing between having you toenails or your fingernails removed with pliers.

The elder of my two sisters loved them both and I often had to hear her bellowing:

“PAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPEEERRRRRRR ROOOOSSSSEEESSSS!”

or

“This is not a Puppy Love!”

I hated both of them. However, I do have an answer. I think I would say Donny Osmond but only because he appears on this song, which I love:

6. Who is your favourite radio host or podcaster?

I don’t have one. However, back in the day when I used to actually listen to the radio, I liked two DJ’s who played music that didn’t fit in with the normal tosh they played. 

Those guys were Tommy Vance (or as he declared himself to be “TV on the Radio”). He was the DJ for “The Friday Rock Show” on BBC Radio One and he was allowed to play all manner of rock and metal songs that never would have been played normally. This show was on at 10pm on a Friday night and I used to listen to it religiously along with thousands of other budding metalheads. Over the years he gradually rose to prominence and eventually presented the prestigious Top 40 radio show where he loved to play the full versions of any rock song that crept into the charts, including the full version of Lynyrd Skynyrd’s amazing Freebird. 

The second was the legendary John Peel. Apparently he had a huge record collection and everything he played on his show was from that collection. His taste was varied from the Beatles to extreme metal band Napalm Death and he basically just played what he liked and was very forthright in his views on all manner of music. Like Tommy Vance, he too was relegated to late night slots.

7. Is your personal workspace filled with fluffy, plastic wind-up, rubbery or edible items? Or are you all business and clutter free?

My desk at home has three really stupid things that my youngest lad Mike bought me for Christmas. The first is a Groot light and the other two are Rubik’s cubes. 

They look ridiculous but who cares?