The Butt Kick Meme

It’s been a while since I did a meme so I thought I’d steal one. This time the victim is Princess Pandora, Queen of Denial but I feel no guilt – because she stole it too.

It’s a fairly big meme so take a deep breath and dive right in.

(1) Which TV character do you think you are most like?

In years gone by, people used to liken me to Joe 90 and the Milky Bar Kid. I’ve also had people tell me that I look like Bamber Gascoigne and Jerry Springer.

But my least favourite doppelganger, according to a female friend of mine, is Keith Chegwin. 

KEITH BLOODY CHEGWIN!

In response to that, I would say I am like a slightly more irritating and slightly less nice version of Tim Canterbury out of the UK version of the Office. I’m nice and I’m clever and I walk around my own office utterly bewildered by some of the internal politics. 

However, unlike Tim, I rant about it – so I am a like Tim but tainted by the loathsome version of Larry David from Curb Your Enthusiasm.


(2) What time do you go to bed?

On school nights I try to be in bed by 11 o’clock. At the weekend it is usually a little later (about 12:30 usually).

(3) What was the last meal you made from scratch?

I don’t cook from scratch so this is a difficult question. I think I once tried a lasagne, but again the pasta was out of a packet, so I guess that doesn’t really count.

How about a salad?

(4) What is your favourite type of music? 

Regular readers will know that I am a huge fan of rock and heavy metal. But I can narrow that down for you because really, deep down, it is Progressive Rock.

We are talking Rush, Dream Theater and Porcupine Tree.

As I type I am listening to Shine On You Crazy Diamond by Pink Floyd.

(5) In what position do you sleep?

I don’t know – I’m asleep. Mrs PM tells me that I sleep on both sides and also my back – but not all at the same time.

(6) What is your first memory?

I have no idea; it is a mishmash of things but nothing clearly stands out.

(7) What is your least favourite smell? 

Cat shit and vomit. And I smell them regularly.

(8) It's your round at the pub and your friends asked you to surprise them. What drink would you buy and why? 

Pimms! That would shock the life out of them. Or coffee!

(9) What was the last thing you read/watched that made you cry?

I am a big softie when it comes to films and I end up filling up over the simplest of things. It was probably Arthur, the remake starring Russell Brand. It was not a great film by any stretch of the imagination but there were moments when I had to get my hanky out to ward off a spontaneous localised bout of hay fever.

(10) They say that you learn something new every day. What was the last thing you have learned?

Funny you should ask that. I have just learned 40 new phrases on my online Spanish course. My favourite new word is una bufanda which is Spanish for scarf, something we need for a typical rainy British summer.

Estoy usando una bufanda por que está frio.

(11) Which Literary love interests would you snog, marry and avoid?

That’s a strange question and not an easy one to answer because the women in the sort of books I read are pretty weird.

I would probably snog Sookie Stackhouse from the True Blood series of books. If vampires are fighting over her, she must be something worth kissing – but I would let her take on the vampires all on her own.

I would marry Helen of Troy because she was supposed to be the most beautiful woman ever. I would not trust Greeks bearing wedding gifts though.

I would avoid Annie Wilkes from Stephen King’s Misery. Given what she did to the hero, I think the reason is obvious.

(12) Paperback, Hardback or Kindle? Which of these is your favourite reading format and why? 

I’ve just bought a Kindle Touch so I am in the transition between Paperback and Kindle. Actually, the Kindle is fabulous but part of me feels guilty about my feelings for this new gadget, since it has signalled the beginning of the end for paperbacks, I think.

However, when guilt threatens to overwhelm me, I remember that I am a geek – and no paperback can match the Kindle on that score.

(13) If you could bring back any cancelled TV series for another run what would you pick and why? 

Babylon 5 is my favourite science fiction show of all time. I love Star Trek and Dr Who but the mythos surrounding Babylon 5 was utterly immense and my imagination soared throughout the five series of this wonderful show.

Blackadder – One of my favourite British comedy series. I think there is more scope for poking fun at history.

(14) Are you in a job that you truly enjoy?

I enjoy certain aspects of my job – one day I will tell you all exactly what I do. However, at the moment, I am in a deep rut and am considering my options, possibly sacrificing the things that please me for a more balanced job.

(15) If you could do any job in the world what would it be?

I would be a travel writer – if I were any good at writing.

(16) If you could be a character in a novel who would you be?

I would be Harry Keogh from the Necroscope series of novels.

He can talk to the dead, use the Möbius Continuum to teleport to anywhere and anywhen.

The bad thing about him, though, is that he lives in a world where monstrous vampires exist; not the nice, fluffy and shiny vampires in the Twilight books. These creatures are parasites that invade the human body and mutate the host into an almost indestructible beast that can devour and destroy any human as easily as you or I would kill a fly.

I wouldn’t want to tackle those grotesque beasts though. Instead I would use it to fulfil my dream of being a writer, chatting to long dead writers for inspiration and guidance and then travelling in the blink of an eye. It would be good for travel writing.

(17) When it comes to spending time with those you love, do you think it should be about quality or quantity? 

A little bit of both to be honest.

(18) Is there a job/career you wanted but realised you couldn’t possibly do for one reason or another?

Not really. The only reason I got into IT was because I was very good at maths and at the time it seemed like a very interesting career for somebody like me. And so it has proved. In retrospect, though, I would have focussed more on languages and English, with a view to becoming a journalist of some kind.


(19) If you could live anywhere in the world or out of this world where would you live? 

The list is endless – but I would start with Hong Kong possibly moving to Spain for a while then the south of France.

To be honest though, I would love to spend time in lots of different places including Canada, Australia and America using these places as a base to explore the neighbourhood.. If I win an enormous amount of money on the lottery, that’s exactly what I will do; although I will always return to England too.

(20) Where would you most like to visit and with whom? 

I want to go to Japan and South America with Mrs PM and possibly my lads.

(21) Which skill would you like to learn? 

I would like to be multilingual to make life easier when travelling but I would love to learn the guitar and piano so that I could learn to play the songs I love – or even write my own.

(22) What made you laugh today? 

Mrs PM’s scatter-brained antics – as usual.

(23) What are you looking forward to tomorrow? 

Not a lot really; I start a stint of being on call for a week – which is never fun. I will try to watch Andy Murray’s efforts in the Wimbledon men’s final though. I’m not a fan of Andy Murray at all really but I guess it would good to have a British winner (although the Scots will claim that he is a Scottish winner rather than an English winner). I will switch off for the post match interview though because he has the most monotonous voice in sport.

(24) What is your sign and do you believe in horoscopes etc? 

I am a Libran. I don’t believe in horoscopes but Mrs PM does and apparently I have all the characteristics that Libran people have. I can’t make a decision but I romantic and charming, as well as being easy-going and sociable (apparently). Oh – and I am also a self-indulgent flirt.

I guess there might be something in it after all.

(25) If you could change one thing about your life thus far, what would it be? 

My job and my chosen career path – for reasons that I will one day elaborate on.


(26) If there was one charity you could give a huge contribution to, which charity would it be and why?

I wouldn’t choose any one charity to be honest because most of them are worthy of a huge contribution. If I ever win that elusive lottery I will put aside a chunky amount of cash and donate it to a number of worthy causes.

(27) Should smoking be legal? 

Yes. I have never smoked myself but I have friends who doe and now that we have a law that bans smoking in pubs, hotels, etc. I am quite happy to allow them to smoke outside, away from me.

(28) What are your views on the smoking ban in public places? 

As I said above, I endorse the smoking ban. It is not pleasant to be sitting next to people smoking in a pub or restaurant

(29) Why do you blog? 

I’ve answered this recently. Here’s what I wrote:

I started blogging on Friday 21st March 2008 after agonising for a year or two about whether to bother. I have always liked popping my thoughts down and I had been doing so, on and off, for about ten years previously. It was only when a colleague of mine started a blog when he moved to South Korea on an extended business trip that I thought: well if he can do – so can I. I chatted about it with Mrs PM who urged me to go for it. And the result is this blog which has been trundling along in the blogosphere for just over four years now.


And the truth is I wish I had started it sooner.

(30) Do you have a favourite author? 

I have lots of favourite authors; Stephen King, Dean Koontz, Robert Ludlum, Peter F Hamilton, Iain M. Banks, Michael Crichton, Tom Sharpe, James Herbert, Brian Lumley, H.G. Wells, Bill Bryson to name but a few.

(31) Can you play any musical instruments? 

I used to be able to play the trombone. I imagine that if I picked one up now and had a blow, it would sound like an elephant being castrated.

(32) What would your ideal car be?

It would be a functional supercar but I don’t think such a vehicle exists.

(33) Describe yourself in one short sentence.

A shy guy with a heart of gold and a tendency to rant about life’s madness.

(34) Worst meal you’ve had?

Without a doubt it was eel stew. It was in a restaurant in Hong Kong that catered for local Hong Kong Chinese rather than ex-pats and tourists. I was with two work colleagues and the meals they selected were delicious. I had to wait while they enjoyed their meals and when mine eventually came, I took one mouthful and felt like throwing up. Being a polite fellow, I tried to solider on as my friends watched with absolutely no sympathy whatsoever. In the end, I had to leave 90% of it and order something else; the waiter was extremely annoyed and glared at me as he took the foul stuff away.

Well that’s it.

If anybody wants to steal it, feel free.

You can blame Pandora if you are caught and the fact that, being a Libran, I am easily led.

Not much of a defence though is it?