Another Food Meme

There are things I want to rant about – I’m sure you can guess what they are. However, I am trying to be more positive this year and as such I will not be ranting. Instead I will answer a few questions from Sunday Stealing about a subject close to my heart – food.

Let’s dive in shall we?

1. How do you like your eggs?

I am quite happy to eat my eggs any way – apart from raw of course. It depends what kind of mood I am in and what I am having with them. With a full English breakfast, I usually go for fried eggs. I also like them poached or scrambled too but If I am feeling adventurous I will go for an omelette with ham, cheese, mushrooms or any combination of the three.

2. How do you take your coffee/tea:

I drink black coffee with no sugar and strong tea with just a dash of milk. 

3. Favourite breakfast foods:

On Monday to Friday (work days) I usually only have a banana with a cup of tea. However at the weekend I will go for something a little more elaborate like a good old English breakfast, with sausage, bacon, egg, beans and toast.

4. Peanut butter: smooth or crunchy?

I don’t usually eat peanut butter – it is just odd to me. When I have had it, though, I usually choose smooth.

5. What kind of dressing on your salad?

I love French dressing on my salad but most of them are fine if that’s unavailable.

6. Coke or Pepsi?

Am I allowed to say neither? I am not a fan of coke at all.

7. You feel like cooking. What do you make?

I rarely feel like cooking but I take my turn to keep Mrs PM sweet. On those rare occasions when I really feel like it, I will go for something like a stir fry.

8. You’re feeling lazy. What do you make?

When it comes to cooking I always feel lazy. The easiest thing for me to cook is some kind of pasta dish.

9. You’re feeling really lazy. What kind of pizza do you order?

This is a little bit of déjà vu (as I answered this last week). A cheesy meat feast would hit the spot.

10. Is there a food you refuse to eat?

Oh yes. I loathe rhubarb – it makes me physically ill when I taste it. Also, I have travelled quite a lot and in China I have been exposed to some really vile foods which I refused to eat such as: any kind of insect or pig’s brain. I’m also not keen on Thai food.

11. Favourite fruit & vegetable:

I would say that my favourite fruit is a nice crisp Granny Smith apple. I like most vegetables and I think I probably eat carrots the most.

12. Favourite junk food:

Fish and chips.

13. Favourite between meal snack:

Déjà vu again. I usually got for a piece of cheese or flame raisins. Occasionally I will have cheese and onion crisps or sour cream and onion Pringles.

14. Do you have any weird food habits:

Yes – I smear food into my hair just before eating it.

Of course, I don’t do that. I’m not sure what you mean by weird food habits. I guess some people might say that eating Marmite is weird so I shall say that.

15. You’re on a diet. What food(s) do you fill up on?

I would probably eat fruit.

16. How spicy do you order Indian/Thai?

As I said above, I don’t like Thai food. However, I love Indian food and I usually have a medium curry like a Rogan Josh or a Balti.

17. The perfect nightcap?

I don’t normally drink nightcaps but I guess if I were offered one it would probably be a small glass of red wine.

CHEERS!

Book Tag

Another week; another set of questions from Sunday Stealing.

This time its all about books – an interesting subject that I don’t usually cover that often. I guess there is always a first time.

Let’s dive in shall we?

Who is your favourite author?

That’s a tricky one because I like and have liked lots of authors. Here are a few.

Stephen King, Iain M. Banks, Dean Koontz, Dan Simmons, Robert Ludlum, James Herbert, Stephen Baxter, Peter F. Hamilton, H.G.Wells, Bill Bryson, Bryan Lumley and many more.

Generally if I really like a book I will look for others by the same author.

What was the last book you read?

The last novel I read was “Dust” by Hugh Howey, the third novel in a science-fiction trilogy set in a dystopian future.

The last non-fiction book I read was “How To Be Right … In A World Gone Wrong” by broadcaster James O’Brien. If you want to try to understand why the world is turning to shit and how to trap people into thinking about their horrific views based on spoonfed lies, this is the book for you.

What book reminds you of your school days?

“The Invisible Man” by H.G.Wells.

I hated English Literature because we were forced to read classic drivel and then write critical essays on them. For example, I was forced to read “The Mayor of Casterbridge” by Thomas Hardy, a novel written in 1886 that  was as boring as hell.

Worse, I had to suffer Shakespeare – plays written in a form of English that was routinely spoken in the pubs and palaces in 16th century England but means nothing today at all. Reading Shakespeare is like reading a book in your second language – except the plays are utter claptrap.

If you have read this blog before you will know my thoughts on Shakespeare so I won’t rant too much about him.

The one blessing for my English Literature O-Level exam was that we could select a couple of books to write essays about and I chose “The Invisible Man” – a classic novel by an amazing author.

I had such fun with that book.

What book releases are you looking forward to?

Nothing in particular. Stephen Baxter has written the official sequel to “War of the Worlds” called “The Massacre of Mankind” but that has been out for a year or two. I intend to read it soon – so I shall say that.

What movie releases are you looking forward to?

I love superhero movies and sci-fi so here are a couple due for release soon.

Joker

Godzilla versus Kong

Wonder Woman 1984

There will be other that are less sci-fi and superhero of course but I will judge them when I see the trailers.

What 3 books are you planning to read?

As mentioned above, I am planning to read “The Massacre of Mankind” by Stephen Baxter.

I also enjoyed “Sapiens” by Yuval Noah Harari so I plan to read the follow up, “Homo Deus”.

Nothing else leaps to mind so I shall probably go for a trashy sci-fi novel after my current book.

Have you ever damaged a book?

Not only have I damaged a book – I have damaged a human being with a book.

When on holiday once, I dropped my current novel into the swimming pool. I tried to dry it out but it was ruined.

The poor human being was a passenger on an aircraft. He was sitting in the aisle seat and, as usual, I walked up and pointed to the middle seat and said “I’m there!”. As he unbuckled his seat belt to let me through, I decided to throw my 1000 page paperback science fiction space opera onto the seat. I somehow missed and hurled it straight into the poor man’s face, cutting the bridge of his nose.

Thankfully, it was only a minor cut and he accepted that “accidents happen” as he tried to stop the  bleeding. I was so apologetic and apologised so much that he ended up more angry with my apologies than being socked in the face with a heavy book.

Worse still, it was a long haul flight to Beijing so I had to sit next to him for over 12 hours.

I have rarely been so embarrassed and angry with myself.

How long does it take you to read a book?

It depends on the length of the book, how much I am enjoying it, or whether I am on holiday or not.

Books you haven’t finished?

Only one – and it was so bad that I can’t recall the author or the title. By the time I finally threw it away (yes it was THAT BAD), I didn’t give a hoot about whether the characters lived or died. The only thing I cared about was whether the author was going to write another book and inflict the same pain on other people.

Popular books you didn’t like?

As I said above, anything by Shakespeare. When people sing the praises of his plays, I immediately think of “The Emperor’s New Clothes”. I don’t understand the appeal – at all!!

Is there a book you wouldn’t tell people you were reading?

Yes – any self-help books. I have read a couple out of interest and actually found them quite useful. But if you admit to reading a self-help book and you are a bloke in the UK, you will be ribbed mercilessly by your mates.

How many books do you own?

I have owned hundreds but have been accused of being a hoarder by Mrs PM. So I have given them away to charity shops – but only if they are fiction books. This is one of the reasons why I have forgotten a lot of the books I have read.

I keep all of my non-fiction books.

Now I have a Kindle, I can keep as many as I want.

Are you a fast or slow reader?

I think I am pretty quick.

Do you read better in your head or out loud?

It would annoy Mrs PM immensely if I read out loud. Therefore I read better in my head – just like everybody else.

Compassion

Here are another set of questions from Sunday Stealing.

What is the most fun thing you have ever done?

I have fun when I am travelling, especially to a place that is a little different from the places that I am used to. In recent years, I have to say that Japan is the most fun place I have visited – so much so that Mrs PM and I are planning to visit again within the next five years.

Are you left-handed or right-handed?

I am right-handed.

What is the nicest thing someone has ever done for you?

Lots of people do nice things all the time and I always feel embarrassed when this happens to me. I do like helping other people but feel that I don’t need it back. Probably the nicest thing in recent years was Mrs PM’s mother who wanted to go to Australia in 2005 and insisted that we go too. I didn’t want to at the time because I wasn’t ready or willing to spend that much money. So she paid for our flights and although I refused to allow this, she insisted. In the end, as seasoned travellers, Mrs PM and I planned the holiday for her so that we could at least make sure she had an unforgettable time. I also wrote a travelogue for her so that she would treaure the memories.

What is the biggest animal you’ve seen in the wild?

I think that would probably be a camel. We were driving between Abu Dhabi and Dubai in the United Arab Emirates and there in the desert were a few wild camels just plodding along minding their own business.

What is the smallest animal you’ve seen in the wild?

An ant. We have millions of the little buggers in England.

Do you ever have funny dreams at night?

I have funny dreams all of the time, particularly if I eat cheese just before going to bed. These dreams are wacky, wild and weird and it makes me worry sometimes about what is actually going on in my head. I keep meaning to leave a notebook by my bed so that I can scribble down the gist of the dream and then write about in a blog post entitled “How Weird Am I?”.

My problem is that thinking about the next (first) great novel I am going to write actually soothes me and allows me to drift off to sleep, so I suppose it is inevitable that my imagination will take charge and play out the novel as part of my dream with myself as the rather dodgy hero.

If you could make a law for your country, what would it be?

I would make it law that we do not under any circumstances leave the European Union.

Please don’t get me started on this because I will write a book on the subject and bore the hell out you with my endless, merciless ranting.

What would you do if you were invisible for a day?

Oh my God – that would be incredible and, coincidentally, it is a novel idea that will one day, no doubt, lead to a vivid and amazing weird dream – perhaps tonight now that you have brought it up.

I would play mischievous havoc in many places, starting with the residence of our useless Prime Minister, Boris “The Clown” Johnson.

I would record or video what he said in private and then send the film to the news channels and media. I would also sneak into concerts, football matches and all manner of events. It would be such fun.

If you could be someone else for a day, who would you be?

I would be Boris “The Clown” Johnson and rectify some of the horrible things he has planned for the United Kingdom before resigning at the end of my day.

What would you like to change about yourself?

I would like to be 36 years younger first of all and then I would change my terrible hair for something less sentient, my useless eyes for some that work, my face for that of a famous good looking actor and inject a modicum of writing talent into my brain.

What is your daily routine.

I presume you mean on a working day. I get up at 6am, have a shower, weigh myself, cry in anguish when I see the scales, make my lunch (usually a salad), wave goodbye to Mrs PM, drive my car to work, spend the next 5 hours trying to outwit computers while asking myself repeatedly why I am a software engineer, go for a two mile walk at lunchtime while listening to music and contemplating my life, arrive back at work and eat my lunch, spend the next couple of hours trying to outwit computers while asking myself repeatedly why I am a software engineer, drive home, do a little freewriting, post a photograph of something interesting on Instagram, watch the news, rant at the news, either cook or eat dinner (depending on whose turn it is), relax in front of the TV for an hour or so before going to bed and reading for half an hour.

Of course, there are usually some variations and my days when I don’t have to go to work are usually completely different.

What would your perfect day be like?

Not working.

How old were you when you learned to read?

My grandad started introducing me to books at the age of four. I could read the odd word already when I started school at the age of five.

What is the most interesting thing you know?

I know lots of things that are totally interesting for me but boring and tedious for everybody else. However, since most of the people who read this are not British, I will tell you this.

I am British and I live in the British Isles, a set of islands pretty close to France. Great Britain is the biggest of those islands and comprises three countries (England, Scotland and Wales). The country I live in called The United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland (or the UK for short). When people refer to my country as Great Britain, they are in fact wrong. The second biggest island in the British Isles is Ireland and this consists of two countries, the Republic of Ireland and Northern Ireland. Northern Ireland is part of the UK but the Republic of Ireland is not.

See? Not that interesting – and there are plenty more loads of old bollocks in my head.

What makes you nervous?

Many things make me nervous, particularly the current political situation in the UK at the moment.

What is your favourite flower?

I don’t really have a favourite flower. Anything that is brightly coloured, smells nice and doesn’t set off my hay fever is fine.

Have you ever ridden on a horse or any other animal?

I have never ridden a fully grown horse, but I have been on smaller varieties usually led by somebody who knows what they are doing.

What time do you go to bed?

It depends on the day. From Sunday to Thursday I try to go to bed at or around 10pm. On Saturday, Sunday and holidays, I will usually stay up until after midnight, though I am usually in bed by 1am at the latest.

What time do you get up?

As I said above, it also depends on the day. Monday to Friday, I am usually up at around 6am. On Saturday, Sunday and holidays I get up at any time between 7am and 10am, depending on what time I went to bed.

What is something that is always in your refrigerator?

Cheese – I am seriously addicted to cheese. I love the dreams they create.

Love Me Some Questions

This is the first blog post I have written on my new laptop. My old desktop was becoming far too slow and clunky – so now I have an amazing new laptop with go-faster stripes.

Sadly it won’t make my typing any faster.

Here are this week’s questions from Sunday Stealing.

1. Has anyone ever made fun of your taste in music?

Constantly. Mrs PM says that the music I like “isn’t music”. I have been called a musical fascist and a musical dinosaur. Worse I am accused of “preaching” when it comes to talking about music. I am not preaching, dear reader. What I am doing is trying to get people to open up their minds to new music, new styles of music and new artists, not the same old crap you have no choice to listen to on just about every radio station out there. To sum up, I like what I like but the categories covered are pop music, electropop, progressive rock, progressive metal, hard rock, melodic rock, heavy metal, classical music (not opera), indie rock, classic disco music. Having said that – there is much more. If I like a song – I like it. I don’t care what style or genre it is.

Here is an amazing song by a band you have probably never heard of. You can thank me later.

2. Is anyone’s birthday coming up?

Yes. A good friend of mine has his birthday in just over a week. He is just over a month older than I am so I get that period of time to remind him to make fun of his age before I reach it myself in October.

3. Do you remember who you liked in grade eight?

I had to look up what Grade 8 was because, as you may have noticed, I live in the UK not the USA. I went to a boys only school and I hated it – the main reason being that there were no girls there and some of the kids were too far up their own arses. I did like girls I knew outside school but no particular girl leaps to mind from that period.

4. When was the last time you burned any part of your body?

I stupidly plunged my hand under the hot tap a month or two ago.

5. If I gave you ten dollars, what would you spend it on?

I would probably go to the pub and have a pint of ale. Cheers.

6. What are you most excited about right now?

I am going to Greece in just under a month’s time. We are going to Kefalonia to enjoy a last taste of summer before the weather turns to nastiness.

7. Does / did either of your parents serve in the military?

My dad was in the army in the late 1950’s. At that time the UK had national service so every fit young man had to serve at least 18 months in one of the armed forces. I think he stayed in for three years before finally quitting.

8. Are you somewhat of a perfectionist?

Yes  - I think I am. I try not to be because it means that some tasks take a lot longer as I try to iron out all of the imperfections. “It doesn’t have to be perfect, Dave!” is a mantra that I should recite over and over again.

9. Do you like sour candy?

I had to look up what sour candy is too. No – I don’t like it.

10. Are all nighters something you have grown used to?

I have had to work all night as part of my job on occasion. You would understand why if I told you what I do for a living. Suffice it to say it is unavoidable and, thankfully, as I edge towards the end of my career, I try to leave it up to the younger people to do it.

11. Do you usually wear sunglasses when you’re driving?

No. I wear glasses instead because if I were to wear sunglasses I would crash. I have lenses that automatically go dark in the sunshine but sadly they do not through glass. So I have to suffer.

12. Do you wear your shoes around the house?

Sometimes. I usually wear just socks or slippers but there are occasions when I wear shoes (usually when I haven’t got round to taking them off).

13. What clothes are you most comfortable in?

Jeans and a T-shirt. Today is 30 degrees so I am wearing shorts instead of jeans, which would be very uncomfortable in this heat.

14. Are you good at painting nails?

No. I have never painted my own or anybody else’s nails.

15. Smoothies or slushies?

Smoothies.

Swap Bot

It’s Sunday so time for some questions from Sunday Stealing.

Let’s dive right in shall we?

1. What do you enjoy about summer?

Summer in the UK is usually a little hit and miss. It rains quite a lot but a lot of the time we have some beautiful sunny days that are very warm but not overly oppressive like some places I have been to. The temperature is generally in the range 20 to 30 degrees Centigrade with the odd day getting hotter (we achieved 32 in Manchester a week or two ago). The best days are those when the temperature is in the mid-20s and we can enjoy the beautiful British countryside. In fact, that’s exactly what we will be doing later.

2. Do you like snow? Why?

Not at all. Snow is horrible; wet, cold and slippery. Whenever it snows in the UK things grind to a standstill. We usually get mild winters so it isn’t cost effective to prepare as they do in Russia for example. So when it snows we struggle. The only good thing about snow is that it can make the countryside look nice – as long as I don’t have to walk in it, I don’t mind.

3. What do you think about dogs?

I love dogs and I wish I had one. The problem is that working all day makes it difficult to look after one and I hate the idea that the poor thing would be cooped up in the house all day. No dog deserves such a prison sentence. However, I plan to reconsider when I retire which will be fun because Mrs PM is more of a cat person. We will have to think that one through.

4. Have you ever gotten lost?

Yes – but only because of Mrs PM who no sense of direction at all. The last place I was genuinely lost was in Shinjuku railway station in Tokyo – the biggest railway station I have ever seen. We were cutting through to avoid a massive detour and it seemed so simple. I didn’t anticipate it being a complete labyrinth. We asked a station employee how to find the exit we wanted and for about five minutes he struggled to guide us. Eventually, the next day, we escaped. Not really – but we were in there for about half an hour – it would have been quicker to walk around.

5. What are your favourite type of socks?

Socks that fit my feet.

6. What is your favourite style of shoes?

Anything that is comfortable. I particularly like trainers when going for a nice long walk.

7. What would you name your boat if you had one?

It would have to be Boaty McBoatface. What else?

8. What common misconception do you hate to hear repeated as fact?

As I get older I am becoming a total cynic. This is a healthy trait and I am proud of it. When politicians open their mouths, people tend to trust what comes out. I don’t believe a word any of them say. I think that they are all power-crazed malignant narcissists. When I hear the current clown in charge of the UK say “Brexit will be good for Britain” all I want to do is walk up to the man and punch him repeatedly until he tells us all the truth.

I hate these borderline psychopaths and the fact that people believe they have our interests at heart.

Liars - every single one of them!

9. What was the last shop you went into and what did you buy?

Mrs PM and I went to the local supermarket yesterday and bought everything we need for the coming week – a list far too long to bore you all with.

10. What's your favourite thing to do to pass the time?

There are a lot of things; writing drivel like this, listening to music, watching TV, going for a long walk, watching sport and reading a good book. There are lots more that I won’t list.

11. What is a way to die that scares you the most?

Falling off a tall building. People say it would be quick but I am terrified of heights and the plummet down to my death would be the most terrifying few seconds of my existence.

12. Travel or home body?

I love to travel and I escape to different countries whenever I get the opportunity to. This year alone I have been to Vietnam and Hong Kong and in the next month or two I am going to Greece and Spain.

13. Have you ever gone to a Bingo hall?

Yes – but not for decades.

14. What is the longest plane trip you have taken?

The longest single plane journey was 13 hours from Hong Kong to Manchester this year. The longest entire journey involving changes was 24 hours: Kunming in China to Manchester via Beijing and Amsterdam. It was terrible.

15. Do you text more or call more? Why?

I text more – but really it is WhatsApp that I use. I only rarely speak to people on the phone these days. Why? Texting/WhatsApp is far more convenient.

Friday Five

Don't be misled by the title, folks. It is Sunday today.

Here is this week’s selection from Sunday Stealing so let’s just hold our collective noses and jump right in.

1. Have you ever had a great conversation with a complete stranger?

I certainly have – but more so recently. In the dim and distant past I used to be painfully shy and then I decided to take on this affliction. I still am shy – I haven’t won by any means – but now I find I have a better ability to chat to complete strangers. I’ve had some interesting conversations, some disturbing conversations (perhaps a future blog post about those) and many that have led to friendship. I recommend it. As long as the person is friendly and responsive, why not?

2. Where did you go on the very first vacation of your life?

My first holiday was down to the south coast of England to the coastal town of Brighton for the first of three holidays. I have fond memories (through a child’s eye) and to be perfectly honest I haven’t been back there since I was around thirteen. We stayed at a hotel owned by a retired cockney couple called Harry and Hetty (I can’t believe that I still remember their names – it was probably in 1971). Hetty in particular loved my blond hair and at every opportunity she rubbed my hair, asking me to promise to give her a lock of it. I think I did to be honest. Why she would want a piece of my awful, self-aware mop I have no idea.

3. Open the door of your refrigerator. What is the first thing you see?

A carton of apple juice.

4. What is your favourite place in your home.

It depends on the time of day and what I am doing. When I get up, it is the lounge, which we had redecorated last year, complete with new sofa and various other bits and bobs. The sun shines in all day so at the weekend in summer it is beautiful. I also love where I am now, in the back room, typing this post and listening to Rammstein’s new album. At night time, of course, it has to be the bedroom.

5. If you had wings to fly about the universe, where is the first place you’d land?

I would land on Mars and see if there are any tardigrades roaming about. Some people believe that there was once life on Mars, so I would look for evidence of that by searching for tardigrades. If you don’t know what they are, they are tiny almost indestructible creatures that live on Earth and have survived in space and, theoretically according to a recent article I read, actually live on the moon courtesy of Messrs Armstrong and Aldrin. I would love it if the theory were correct.

6. What is the first thing you do when you get in your car?

I close the door. It’s dangerous to drive with the doors open. That was the first thing my driving instructor told me.

7. What is special about the town you live in?

Manchester is a city and capital of the north of England. It is special because it is far friendlier than London (as are most UK places to be honest) and we have everything else you would ever need. Great food, great pubs, great things to do, great history and wonderful people.

8. What is the last thing you heard about your first love?

Not sure what you mean by “first love” so I will just mention my first serious girlfriend. To be honest, I have absolutely no idea. She is probably still living in Walsall and married with kids. I have no desire to look her up but I would be friendly if I were to bump into her.

9. If you had created the world in seven days yourself, what would you have created on the First Day?

A decent rock band. That way I could get on with creating the rest of the world with some background music to entertain me.

10. How do you beat the summer heat?

I am quite lucky to live in Manchester because our summers are mild (as are our winters). We recently hit the heady heights of 32 degrees centigrade which is as hot as it ever gets. That is completely bearable so I sat in the garden under an umbrella enjoying the heat and chatting to Mrs PM over a glass of wine. When abroad, however, if it gets too hot, I just seek shelter. The hottest I have ever encountered is Oman at 46 degrees Centigrade. It was so hot that it hurt and I sought shelter in an air-conditioned office or my hotel room.

11. Did you enjoy your Senior Year in high school?

By “Senior Year” I am guessing that you mean my final year before I went to university. In short – not really. I hated my school, even though it helped me get where I am. Imagine being in an all-boys’ school when all of my hormones were screaming out for female company? No thanks.

12. Who is your favourite First Lady of all time?

I don’t have one to be honest. I find most politicians to be abhorrent human beings (especially in America) and I have no interest whatsoever in their spouses.

13. Post a link to your first blog post.

My very first blog post was about my favourite football team (soccer for Americans). Here it is. That was in March 2008. I felt old then – I feel REALLY old now.

14. When was the last time you needed First Aid?

I cut myself while chopping vegetables about a month ago. A plaster resolved the situation

15. Can you explain what a first down is in football?

There is no such thing in football. Ah – this is an American question so you must be talking about American Football (or rugby for wimps). I cannot explain the rules of that particular game. I watched the Super Bowl in the 1980’s for fun but it was anything but fun. It lasted for ages and there were adverts every five minutes. It was slow and dull and basically involved a bunch of big American guys wearing crash helmets and crashing into each other in a frenzied few seconds every minute of two. I got the gist of the game but for goodness sake, make it more exciting and take off all of that armour to make it interesting. Rugby Union and Rugby League are far more exciting.

Fewer Than 5000 Questions

Here are this week’s questions from Sunday Stealing.

Let’s dive right in, shall we?

1. Have you read anything by C.S. Lewis?

Yes – two books actually and both as a child:

Out of the Silent Planet

The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe.

2. What is your favourite movie with Jack Nicholson?

I’m going to cheat and say three because I simply cannot pick a favourite out of them:

One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest

The Shining

Batman

3. What rhymes with 'orange'?

Blorenge. It is a mountain in Wales.

4. Have you ever swallowed an object by accident?

Yes. I accidentally swallowed a jellyfish.

Don’t panic, dear reader – it was cooked. I was in Hong Kong and I was chewing an unknown bit of food and I asked our host what it was. When he told me it was jellyfish, I meant to spit it out but in shock I accidentally swallowed it.

To be honest, it wasn’t that bad and I actually ate jellyfish again in Japan – this time voluntarily.

5. Is your eyesight 20/20?

Absolutely not. I wear glasses and without them I am as blind as the proverbial bat. I am Mr Magoo.

I am horrifically short-sighted and have worn glasses since the age of 8. And now I have to wear expensive varifocals.

People have said I have nice eyes. I would willingly swap them for ugly ones that worked properly.

6. Have you ever had insomnia?

Yes – most recently because I accidentally made a cup of monster-raving-loony , full-fat highly caffeinated coffee by mistake. I am almost totally decaffeinated now (including tea) so I ran around like a demented lunatic for two hours before bedtime and then spent the first four hour lying in bed with caffeine flooding through my veins and shaking me awake when my body threatened to succumb to slumber.

It was bloody awful.

7. Does it bother you when people touch you?

It depends who it is. If it is a friendly person then absolutely not.

If it is a mugger or a policeman arresting me for crimes against fashion then most definitely.

8. Is it better to get too much or too little sleep?

I think it’s better to get too much sleep. My body works like clockwork – seven and a half hours every night (unless I’ve accidentally drunk a caffeine bomb).

9. What gets your adrenaline pumping?

Anything that scares me – like tall buildings and public speaking.

10. Do you ever talk about yourself in the third person?

Only when I refer to the Plastic Mancunian, the persona I use for this blog. When I see something noteworthy or funny I say things like “The Plastic Mancunian needs to write about that!”.

Mrs PM thinks I am mad.

11. What's your favourite radio station? What kind of music do they play?

Please don’t get me started on radio stations because I will rant mercilessly.

Bugger it! I am going to anyway.

There are NO radio stations that play my kind of music and it annoys the hell out of me. All of the popular radio stations I try to tune into when driving, say, play inane pop music, old songs that were hits decades ago, terrible dance music, appalling rap music and other bilge.

I don’t want to turn on a radio station and hear songs from the 1980’s that I hated in the 1980’s.

I want to hear decent rock music – or some progressive rock.

For example, Iron Maiden are a huge British Heavy Metal band, you may have heard and have been around since the late 1970’s. They fill arenas when they go on tour and have millions of fans worldwide who love their music.

But can I find a radio station in the UK that plays even ONE of their songs? In a word NO!

Thank goodness for the internet.

Here is a beautiful rock song that you will never hear on a British radio station because the owners, producers and DJ’s only want to spoon feed you the latest bilge to come out of Simon Cowell’s bland music factory.

12. Do you believe there is anyplace still undiscovered in all the world?

I would like to think so and if so, I would love it to remain that way.

13. Ever caught a fish?

I have held a fishing rod for approximately five minutes before handing over to my friend who then caught a fish about ten minutes after that. Does that count?

14. Were you ever in the first row of a concert?

Yes – a couple of times. I was in the front row for a rock band called Dare and actually high-fived the singer.  It was in the late 1980’s and that band featured Professor Brian Cox (the famous phycisist – famous in Britain anyway). Here is a song from them at that time.



The biggest band I have been in the front row for is Deep Purple when they played the Manchester Arena. I wasn’t close enough to touch the band members (there was too much security in the way and a huge gap between the first row and the stage) but I almost caught a plectrum thrown by Steve Morse, the guitarist.

15. Do you have any autographs?

Yes – but you will never have heard of them. When I was a kid, my dad took me to Mansfield to see Walsall (my favourite football team) play away. As we walked outside the ground, the coach containing the Walsall players turned up and I managed to get most of the players to sign the football programme for me. One of them was my absolute hero at the time, a striker called Alan Buckley. I still have it upstairs in the loft and it is one of my most treasured possessions.

This is Alan Buckley – an absolute legend!

For the Queen's Curiosity

On Thursday of this week we had the July hottest day on record in the United Kingdom. Now, it is raining – as it did yesterday.

UK weather can be depressing and to lift myself out of the doldrums, I thought, for a laugh,  I would answer some bizarre questions that I found on Sunday Stealing until I actually force myself to write a proper blog post drawing from the inane nonsense in my head.

Here goes:

1. What is the nearest book to you?  Your Kindle does not count.

The nearest book to me at the moment is my Kindle. However, next to that sits “The Dictionary of Insulting Quotations” by Jonathan Green. I love reading insults, the funnier the better. Here’s an example:

Nancy Astor to Winston Churchill: “If I were your wife, I would put poison in your coffee.”

Winston Churchill in reply: “If I were your husband, I would drink it!”

2.  When was the last time you took a "me" vacation

Earlier this year. Mrs PM and I went to Vietnam for the first time, which was her idea. However, I insisted that we pay a visit to Hong Kong on the way back. I love Hong Kong and I always feel at my most content when exploring that amazing city.  Mrs PM also being there with me was the icing on the cake. I like to think Mrs PM enjoyed it too.

3.  How many telephone numbers do you have?

If you count work then three. We have a landline that we hardly ever use and I have my own personal mobile phone. I would willingly refuse to answer my work phone though.

4.  If you could fix one thing in the public school system, what is the one thing you would do immediately?

By public school, do you actually mean those schools in England where the super-rich pay extraordinary amounts of money to send their obnoxious children only for them to leave and then do their best to ruin our country by becoming a Conservative Prime Minister like the nasty blustering clown that a tiny minority of Conservatives have just elected?

If you do then I would close them in favour of normal schools and then overhaul our entire education system to make things more equal instead of biased towards the privileged few.

5.  Are you a big tipper?

No I am not. I know that in America it is expected but in the UK and Europe, it isn’t because a lot of the times service charge is included. If it isn’t then I usually only tip if the service has been good.

6.  Do you watch reality shows?

The only one I watch is The Apprentice (the UK version) because I love to see useless egomaniacs brought down to earth with a crash. I watched the American version once or twice but soon became sick of watching Donald Trump’s ego seeping out of my TV screen.

I can’t stand other reality shows because they are full of people who just want to be famous but have zero talent whatsoever.

7.  Who is your favorite sports team player?

I’ll tell you in May next year when the football season is over.

Note for American readers – when I say “football” I do not mean American football. I believe you guys call the sport “soccer” for some crazy reason.

8.  If you could travel in a spaceship to any planet, which planet would you like to visit and why?

I think that would have to be Saturn because it is beautiful –just as long as I don’t have to land there.

9.  When was the last time you sat in a church?

In 2017. I do not go to churches other than for weddings and funerals, or if I simply want to take photos of them.

10.  Are there any aspects of blogging that annoy you?

From a personal perspective, I am annoyed with myself for not posting more often. I am now trying to remedy this situation by making time to do so.

11.  When someone follows you on their blog or subscribes to your Facebook page, do you automatically follow and subscribe back?

I am on Facebook but only in name. I tend not to use it at all unless somebody takes a photo of me and tags me (usually with me pulling a funny face because I hate having my photo taken).

If somebody comments on my blog, I usually return the favour and pop across to theirs (if they have one).

Book of Questions

Here we go again – stealing questions and answering them on a Sunday morning.

As usual these are from Sunday Stealing so let’s dive straight in.

1. Do you think the world will be a better or worse place 100 years from now?

I love technology so I would like to think that we will have achieved a lot of things by the year 2119. Sadly, though, it is becoming evident that there is a price to pay and I don’t think that we will see what that is until it comes to bite us on the arse – and then it will be too late.  I would love to see what it is like – I really would – but I fear it will be worse, thanks to the toilet we are making of our planet. I’m ever the optimist though and I have faith in humanity to sort things out.

2.  Would you accept $1,000,000 to leave the country and never set foot in it again.

At the moment, with Brexit looming again, and the outlook for the UK under the clown prince of idiocy, (Alexander) Boris Johnson, the answer is a definite yes.

3. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the body or the mind of a 30 year old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?

I’m a relatively old git now and my body is falling apart slowly, which is something I am getting used to. My mind was really sharp when I was 30 years old (albeit a little naïve) so I would gladly live until 90 with my mind from that time.

4. What would constitute a “perfect” evening for you?

A couple of beers with Mrs PM, followed by a nice meal and a progressive rock concert (which sadly Mrs PM would not want to attend because she hates my music).

5. Whom do you admire most?  In what way does that person inspire you?

That’s a really difficult question to answer. As an ageing cynic, I believe that a lot of people, no matter how good they seem to be, have a hidden agenda. That said, I was very impressed with Barack Obama and his bid to become the first African American President of the USA, especially given the mess being made at the moment with Donald Trump in charge. It just goes to prove that you can achieve anything if you put your mind to it unlike the arses we have had as Prime Minister in the UK for the past decade or so.

6. Do you prefer being around men or women?  Do your closest friends tend to be men or women?

I like being around both men and women. I am lucky to count both within my circle of close friends.

7. If you could use a voodoo doll to hurt anyone you chose, would you?

Oh yes but only if the doll was an effigy of a complete and utter arse like (Alexander) Boris Johnson, Donald Trump, Nigel Farage, Jamie Oliver, Piers Morgan and an ever increasing list of people that is too long to publish at the moment. And I’m a nice guy so it would just be enough pain to make them realise what arses they were being and hopefully change their ways as a result.

8. What is your most treasured memory?

There are far too many to mention – and more being made as time goes by.

9. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?  Is there anything you hope to do that is even better?  (Let’s exclude raising children, if you have them)

I have travelled extensively to a lot of very interesting countries, both with work and for pleasure. I like to think that I have made a small difference to people I have met and if their memories of me make them smile, that’s even better. I do hope to write a book at some point in the future when time permits.

10. If you went to a dinner party and were offered a dish you had never tried, would you want to taste it, even if it sounded strange and not very appealing?

Yes indeed – but it depends what it is. I have eaten some very strange food in my life, especially in China and Japan, so I’m not averse to trying something new as long as I know exactly what it is.

11. Do your close friends tend to be older or younger than you?

Both. I have close friends of all ages.

12. How do you feel when people sing Happy Birthday to you in a restaurant?

I feel very embarrassed. I’m not very good at being the centre of attention.

13. When you tell a story, do you often exaggerate or embellish it?  If so, why?

I have been known to exaggerate on occasion, usually to get a laugh out of a funny story.

14. If a friend were almost always late, would you resent it or simply allow for it?  Can you be allowed to be on time?

Mrs PM is always late, despite my best efforts to make her more punctual. I usually allow for it but I moan in the hope that they will get fed up me going on about it.

15. If you could have free, unlimited service for five years from an extremely good cook, chauffeur, housekeeper, or personal secretary, which would you choose?

All of them. I need more free time to pursue more interesting hobbies.