Ode To A Gadget

The other week tragedy struck.

My mp3 player, my beloved iRiver ihP-140 mp3 jukebox, containing my entire CD collection shuffled off this mortal coil and made its way to silicon heaven, taking all of my music with it.

This was a double tragedy because it meant that I had to listen to the inane drivel of Radio DJ’s to and from work and then had to decide on a replacement, and knowing how utterly indecisive I am, this was a major problem.

My iRiver mp3 jukebox was my favourite gadget, surpassed only recently my android smartphone.

My work colleagues constantly hurled abuse at me for owning, what they called, a giant brick that played music.

But I defended it, dear reader, because it gave me hours of pleasure, listening to my favourite music over and over again.

With a 40 gigabyte hard drive, it held thousands of songs, all organised in folders by genre, artist and album and with a couple of clicks I could find any song in my collection or play all of my songs in random order for hours on end.

We were one together, dear reader.

And then tragedy struck.

I was walking to my car, carrying my rucksack and mp3 player, trying to get my car keys out of my pocket, when the iRiver decided to make a bid for freedom. It was catapulted out of my hand and slowly rotated into the air before succumbing to the force of gravity and plummeting towards the ground.

It was like slow motion, dear reader. As it fell, I screamed

“NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!”

And then it crashed to earth and lay silent and still.

I picked it up, jumped in the car and pressed the ON button. At first, everything seemed to be fine until two things happened. First, the display told me that there were NO SONGS on the device. Second, the hard disk within started grinding and cranking – and then it died, there in my hand.

“NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!” I screamed.

And as I drove to work listening to the wittering DJ’s all I did was cry “PHARK!!” over and over again, like a demented gargoyle.

My work colleagues had no sympathy.

“I thought I felt an earth tremor – must have been when you dropped your brick.”


“Why don’t you take it to the Science Museum? It will be the star attraction.”


“HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA”

I’ve written an ode to my beloved gadget. Coincidentally, it scans almost exactly with a little ditty written by the Beatles, called “Yesterday”. Here it is:

Yesterday,

I had 7000 songs to play.

Now it looks as though they’ve gone away

Oh, I believe in yesterday

Suddenly,

My mp3 player became slippery

and fell to the ground so tragically

Oh, death, it came so suddenly

Why the hard disk froze

I don’t know,

It wouldn’t play

Not a single song,

Now I long for yesterday ay ay ay

Yesterday,

Heavy metal songs were there to play

Now I sit in silence, cast away

Oh, I believe in yesterday

Mm mm mm mm mm mm mm.

Thankfully, I now have a replacement. Mrs PM kindly lent me her spare iPod shuffle, which she won at work, so the vacuum created by the death of my iRiver was filled. I thank her and the iPod shuffle for that.

Now though, I have something MUCH BETTER – an iPod classic with (wait for it) a capacity of 160 gigabytes.

And it can accommodate everything my iRiver could – AND three times more.

So I am over the worst.

I can listen to music without fear of screaming “SHUT THE PHARK UP!” to DJ’s.

Farewell, dear iRiver. I shall cherish you. I hope the other gadgets in silicon heaven are enjoying my Rammstein and Rush songs.

I will move on.

Long Live My iPOD!!!

The iPod Shuffle

It’s time to steal an idea again and this time it is to do with music.

I am stealing an idea from two fellow bloggers (Princess Pandora, Queen of Denial and Working Through It).

The idea is simple:

Put your fruit-flavoured or other brand MP3 player on Shuffle, and write down the first 15 songs that come on, and what they mean to you (if anything).

Of course, the idea is to be honest and list the first 15 songs and I shall endeavour to do that, no matter how embarrassing. Why? Because these songs are in my collection and I will stand by that.

Can I just add that I don’t own an iPod – my mp3 player is the one pictured above and can accommodate 40Gb of music. It is not far from being full so I may have to either purge some of the songs or reinvest in another one.

Anyway, here are my random 15 songs:

(1) Bruce Springsteen – Born In The U.S.A.

In the 1970’s one of my best mates was a huge fan of Bruce Springsteen and he would play his music over and over again. Consequently I was kind of brainwashed with classic albums like “Darkness on the Edge of Town”, “Born to Run” and “The River”. He really grew on me. The album “Born in the U.S.A” hit the shops when I was university and reminds me vividly of that time. I love this song, and not just because of the memories that are reborn. I have to say that Bruce Springsteen is one of the finest acts I have seen live.

(2) AC/DC – Rocking All The Way

This is a song from the latest album by AC/DC called “Black Ice” and their style hasn’t really changed over the years – and they really have been going for years. I have always wanted to see them live and finally got my wish the year before last when I got the chance to see them at the Manchester Evening News Arena. Such was their popularity that they sold out within minutes. And they were fantastic. I just wish I’d had the chance to see them before Bon Scott’s tragic and premature death.

(3) Aerosmith – Jaded

As much as I like Aerosmith, the album “Just Push Play” was a bit of a disappointment to be honest and it was the last album I bought by the band. This song is a single from that album and, while it is not a bad track, it lacks the punch of their earlier stuff.

(4) Manic Street Preachers – Small Black Flowers That Grow In The Sky

The Manic Street Preachers have written some great songs over the years. My favourite album by the band is “Everything Must Go” and this beautiful little song comes from that album. It is one of those songs that you can listen to with the lights down low and let your mind wander as the stress is left behind. A lovely song to relax to.

(5) Judas Priest – Sands of Time/Pestilence and Plague

The lead singer of Judas Priest, Rob Halford, hails from my home town of Walsall and has a magnificent rock voice – even now he is in his fifties. I have loved Judas Priest since the 1970’s and some of their material has been fantastic. Their latest album, released a couple of years ago, is a concept album charting the life and times of Nostradamus and is called, unsurprisingly, “Nostradamus”. It is an absolute triumph. “Sands of Time” is a beautiful mellow song that builds up, ultimately transforming into a superb heavy metal anthem called “Pestilence and Plague”. Give them a go, you might actually like them. I certainly do.

(6) Pendulum – The Fountain

My eldest lad has inherited my love of rock music and heavy metal (much to Mrs PM’s disgust) but one of his favourite bands is Pendulum, a kind of electronic rock band whose genre I can’t quite put my finger on. He has been to see them live in concert and he has been urging me to listen to them. So I have. This particular song surprised me because it features the vocal talents of Steve Wilson, the main man behind “Porcupine Tree”, a progressive rock band that I discovered last year and haven’t stopped listening too for the past few months. Pendulum are slowly growing on me and this song certainly helps.

(7) Cream – Sunshine Of Your Love

You can’t beat a bit of blues rock and Cream are one of the best. I discovered Eric Clapton, thanks to “Layla” and graduated to his earlier stuff with Cream soon afterwards. This song is a timeless classic.

(8) Joe Satriani – Love Thing

Joe Satriani is, in my opinion, one of the greatest guitarists in the world. I have a plethora of albums by him and his virtuosity never ceases to amaze me. I have seen him live twice and he brings his guitar to life. One of my favourite albums is “Crystal Planet”, which has special significance because I played it to death when Mrs PM and I got together. Mrs PM, having no taste in music, hated it. Nevertheless, it holds a special place in my heart because of our blossoming relationship. “Love Thing” is a beautifully mellow love song that you might think is quite apt. Of course, it is – but unfortunately the songs that stick in my heart are the screamers on the album. Those of you who like a little romance will no doubt like this – I prefer the faster heavier stuff. Still, it is a good tune.

(9) Geddy Lee – Slipping

Regular readers will know that Rush are my favourite band of all time. For those of you who don’t know, Geddy Lee is the singer and also plays keyboards and the bass guitar for the band. During a hiatus, Geddy Lee released a wonderful solo album called “My Favourite Headache”. While not classic Rush, you would be forgiven for thinking you are listening to the band because of Geddy’s distinctive voice. There are a couple of diamonds on this album and “Slipping” is one of them. It is a beautiful song and would easily fit onto any album by Rush. Wonderful.

(10) Nazareth – Broken Down Angel

Nostalgia time again folks. When I discovered heavy metal, I decided to research other rock bands around the time and discovered a Scottish rock band called Nazareth. While not particularly heavy and loud, they have a distinctive sound, thanks to the vocal talents of Dan McCafferty. This song is a from “Razamanaz”, released in 1973. Some of their later stuff is much better but this is a nice little number to give you an idea of how good they are (and I believe they are still around).

(11) Guns ’N’ Roses – Don’t Damn Me

Guns ‘N’ Roses self-destructed thanks to Axl Rose but thankfully after their impressive double album release “Use Your Illusion I” and “Use Your Illusion II”. I was lucky enough to see them on that extensive world tour and, although we had to wait three hours for the buggers to arrive on stage, it was worth it. “Don’t Damn Me” is from “Use Your Illusion I” and is a nice rocky little number.

(12) Judas Priest – Night Crawler

I guess it was inevitable that my random list would contain more than one song by an artist. This song is taken from the album “Painkiller” which, even by Judas Priest’s standards, is quite a heavy album. “Night Crawler” is one of the tamer songs on the album; if you think it is heavy, you should hear the rest of it. Get your air guitar out and rock!!!

(13) Gillan – Come Tomorrow

When Ian Gillan left Deep Purple, he formed a new band. Clearly he couldn’t think of a good name and decided to name the band after himself. Their second major album was called “Glory Road” and in order to promote it, the band gave away a free album called “For Gillan Fans Only” which didn’t set the world alight but contained the odd half decent song.

(14) Dream Theater – Never Enough

Regular readers will know that I have mentioned Dream Theater before. For those that haven’t they are one of the finest bands on the planet. One of my favourite albums is “Octavarium” and “Never Enough” is one of the songs on that album. Usually their songs are epic progressive rock monsters that take you on a rollercoaster ride. “Never Enough” however, is a small song in comparison, coming in at a mere six minutes long. A great tune.

(15) Skin – House of Love

Skin were a rock band who had a modicum of chart success in the 1990’s. I saw them a couple of times in small venues in Manchester and they always went down a treat. They split up after a couple of albums, which was a real shame because I quite liked them. They tried reforming a year or two ago and I saw them one final time in a venue that had a bar. Needless to say I had a beer or two too many and ended up nursing a hangover the next day. They have recently split up again though, sadly. If they reform and make me drunk again, I might have a few words to say.

That was fun but you may think, dear reader, that my taste is biased to all things rock and metal. That is simply not true – it is the fault of the shuffle algorithm on my mp3 player (honestly).

I may have another go in a future post – after all there are a lot of songs to go through.

Embarrassing Moments - Music

I love music. I love music so much that when I am listening to a favourite song I tend to drift into a tiny world of my own. This is absolutely fine when I am alone in the house because I can crank up the volume and engulf myself in sonorous rapture.

My favourite genre is rock music and heavy metal, although I do like less aggressive music also. When listening to a fast loud rock anthem I punch the air in delight, play the air guitar if I can and sing along. This is a big problem; especially if I am driving a car.

About a year ago I was driving to work as usual when an absolute classic rock anthem exploded onto my car stereo.

“Oh YES!” I cried in my mobile haven and immediately joined in with the song. I was captured by the pounding drums, mesmerized by the wailing guitars, enthralled by the screaming vocals. As I drove along I moved my head in time with the music, screamed as the vocalist reached his crescendo, howled with the guitars and, when I pulled up at a traffic light, hauled out my air guitar and joined in with the guitarist while waiting for the lights to change colour.

It was then I realized that the occupants of the car in front had turned around to watch the show. In the back seat of that car, there were two young girls who were openly laughing and pointing. And being stupid, for a second I couldn’t understand the source of their merriment. So I turned around myself, thinking that there was something funny going on outside the car or behind me. When I spotted nothing out of the ordinary, the cogs finally rotated and my brain got itself into gear; they were laughing at me! Trapped in my car, with the lights still on red, I could do nothing. I accepted my embarrassment and waved at the girls. They waved back and continued to laugh so much that their car was shaking.

I wouldn’t mind if this was a one off. Once I arrived at work and one of my colleagues came up to me and said “I was driving in front of you. Are you OK?”

“Of course,” I said. “Why do you ask?”

“Well you looked as if you were in pain,” he replied.

I realised then that I had been listening to a Judas Priest CD and my “pain” was probably me howling along with Rob Halford.

The embarrassment is not limited to just cars, though.

I loathe shopping, particularly grocery shopping in a supermarket. I hate it so much that I need a distraction. I use my mp3 player. I have a wonderful pair of headphones that mask out every decibel of external noise thus providing me with a totally untainted reproduction of all my music. I love them – but they conspire against me.

On one occasion, I was busily pushing a shopping trolley around my local Tesco while listening to Rammstein in my mp3 player. If you don’t know Rammstein, they are a German rock band who are very loud and very heavy; and they sing in German. And I know most of the words.

One of my favourite songs appeared as I approached the frozen food section and while I perused the various offerings, I was oblivious to my immediate environment. You can guess what happened.

It started with a hum.

Then a little muttering.

Then I broke into song.

There I was, rummaging through frozen vegetables in Tesco in South Manchester, singing (possibly at the top of my voice) - IN GERMAN:

Ich brauche Öl für Gasolin
explosiv wie Kerosin
mit viel Oktan und frei von Blei
einen Kraftstoff wie Benzin

I realized what was happening when I picked up my choice (frozen peas I think) and saw five or six people staring at me as if I had just arrived from Mars. I pulled off my headphones and, turning red, switched off my mp3 player and ran from the store in shame – no I didn’t really. I stupidly apologized and carried on shopping. I don’t know why I apologized actually – maybe for assaulting their eardrums.

I know I cannot sing; I once recorded myself singing a Rush song and instantly removed it. I sounded like a cat trying to sing Nessun Dorma while being strangled.

So why do I humiliate myself by singing in public? Of course I don’t mean to but I can’t help it. I need therapy, I think. I think I’ll go to see a specialist - but I must remember to leave my mp3 player at home.