Dreaming in Black and White

Welcome to a rainy day in South Manchester. Rain has been pretty scarce in some parts of the UK this summer so some people will welcome the rain. Some British people are a little weird when it comes to weather. When we have a wetter than average summer, they will moan about the rain and crave hot sunny days. And when we get hotter than average summers (like the current one) they crave the rain. 

There’s just no pleasing some people. 

Personally, I would be quite happy for warm sunny days and rain showers during the night while I am asleep. I hope you are listening, Mother Nature.

Shall we dive in with some well-deserved silliness from Sunday Stealing? 

1. My bestie and I once ...

Before I answer this, I will just say that I hate the word “bestie”. It’s one of those newly invented words that are unnecessary. I understand that language evolves and that new words crop up, but why replace the two word phrase “best friend” with the cringeworthy word “bestie”? 

I don’t have and never have had a “bestie”. But I have had “best friends”. 

Okay – moan over.

My best friend and I once had a crazy brush with Scientology in Amsterdam.

At university, my best mate and I bought an Interrail ticket and set off for Europe. I will call him Wally to protect the guilty. Interrail tickets are basically used by people to travel across Europe by train and explore and this was my very first trip abroad. I was 19 years old. 

We were about to leave Amsterdam to travel to Munich in Germany and we had an afternoon to kill. As we were being tourists, a guy came up to us and asked if we would like to join in some research by answering a questionnaire. Always willing to help, the two of us walked into a building and joined a few others as we answered a set of multiple choice questions about our personalities. 

At the end, we were given a cup of coffee and asked to wait while another expert analysed our answers. 

I saw my person first, and she was a young woman with a sad looking face. 

“Hello,” she said with a forced smile. “How long are you staying here in Amsterdam?”

I told her we were leaving later in the evening and she said “I would advise you not to!”

Alarm bells began to ring. “Why?” I asked.

“You’re test shows that you are suicidal?” she replied, her face becoming serious. 

“WHAT???” I said. “I’m not suicidal.”

“Your answers reveal that you are very sad and depressed,” she said. “You may not believe it but you are. There is a darkness inside you that we need to help you with. And we can help you if you stay...”

I was a little naïve but I had enough nous to disagree with her bullshit. In the end, she tried to sell me a book by L.Ron Hubbard called “Dianetics” and I just got up and walked away. As I waited for Wally, I began a deep search within. Was I depressed? Was I suicidal? I knew the answer was no but I wondered how they could have drawn that conclusion from my answers, which in my opinion, if anything, told me the direct opposite.  

Just then, Wally came outside laughing. 

“Guess what?” he said. “I’m suicidal and if I don’t join their course then I’m in serious trouble. What a bunch of charlatans. ”

“Me too?” I laughed, realising that it was just a recruitment scam. I now realise that this is how Scientology works to draw you in. I had never heard of this cult masquerading as a religion at the time, but I have now, so much so that I watch all manner of TV programmes about it. I am fascinated with how they can get away with their stupid cult activities. I can see how they recruit followers, though. 

Thank goodness I’m not that gullible – even when I was a naïve teenager.

2. When I'm nervous ...

When I’m nervous, I try to distract myself by thinking of something else that is relaxing. I’ve used this technique when I had to give training courses for work. I hate public speaking and I have had to do it a number of times and I find distracting myself takes the edge off my fear. 

Mindfulness helps too. 

3. My hair ...

My hair is a sentient being that hates me. I have a bad hair day every day and I have to rectify that by taking a shower in an attempt to control it. My hair is short at the moment but it still tries to become a mess. When I was younger I had longer hair and I had to control it with hair spray. I used to take ages trying to beat it into submission.

In terms of colour, my hair used to be blond but has darkened with age, apart from the grey that has slowly been forming over the past fifteen years or so. Thankfully, I am not bald at all and my hair does make people think that I am younger than I actually am. 

I still hate it though. 

4. When I turn to the left, I see ...

When I turn to my left, I see that it is still raining. We have had a few days of warm sunny weather so I’m not too bothered. I also see our garden which is very nice. 

5. My favourite aunt ...

I don’t have a favourite aunt. My mum was an only child and my dad had two sisters so I only had two. One of them sadly passed away a couple of years ago and she was a lovely funny lady. Her sister and my other aunt is still with us and she is a lot quieter but she is a lovely lady. They both rank equally highly in my affections. 

6. I have a hard time understanding ...

I have a hard time understanding the way some people think, especially when they totally and absolutely believe in conspiracy theories. I’ve talked about this many times before. The evidence against their argument is overwhelming yet they throw all of that logic away and choose to embrace nonsense that has no proof whatsoever. A great example of this is Scientology (see above). 

7. You know I like you if ...

You know I like you if I continue having a conversation with you and I smile a lot. I like to think that I’m a nice guy anyway and there are very few people that I dislike. Most of the people I do dislike are famous arses (like Piers Morgan, Donald Trump, Nigel Farage etc.) but if I know you and I dislike you then I will simply avoid you. 

8. When I was 5 years old ...

I was at school, learning to read, learning my times tables and (according to people who knew me then) was a really cute kid with a mass of blond curls on top of my head. I only have vague memories of that time in my life and they are mostly about school and playing with various toys at home. I caught measles about that time and one thing I definitely recall about that was the horrific taste of the medicine I was prescribed.