More Questions

Welcome to sunny south Manchester on day 357 of the restrictions due to this nasty little bug that’s roaming around the world. As you can see we are approaching a full year since the day that we were locked down for the first time. 

At least now there is a way out as the UK has now completed well over 20 million vaccinations (first dose and in some cases the second one too).

The kids go back to school on Monday and things are gradually going to start opening up over the next couple of months. In theory, on June 21st, all restrictions will have been lifted – but that is subject to constant tests and checks, the dates potentially moving according to what might be happening with infection rates. 

Finally, after a year of dithering and proving to the world what an incompetent clown he is, Boris the Scarecrow and his government or useless gits are actually being cautious. 

I welcome that – but I hope that we don’t forget as a nation the damage that this clown has done to our country since people were stupid enough to vote for the cretin.

Anyway, let’s answer some questions from Sunday Stealing before I descend into a full rant.

1. Do you put ketchup on hot dogs?

I rarely eat hot dogs these days to be honest. In days gone by, I have eaten them at gigs, cricket matches and football matches and, of course, on visits across the pond to the good old US of A.

The answer to the question is yes, when I eat them in the UK because I hate English mustard. I am not very patriotic when it comes to mustard. I love French mustard and the yellow stuff that they serve in America is okay but English mustard comes straight from the deepest pits of Hell. It is utterly foul and disgusting and should be banned forthwith.

Mrs PM loves the stuff though and we have it in our house. On the occasions when we have steak, Mrs PM paints it on in huge globules and eats it with total glee as I watch in horrified fascination.

“How can you eat that stuff?” I ask her incredulously. 

“It’s lovely,” she says.

That is so weird.

2. How many TVs in your house?

We have three TVs. There is a smart TV in the lounge, a similar sized, and not so smart TV in my man-cave that is hooked up to my PS4 and a small combined TV and DVD player upstairs in the second bedroom.

3. Do you put salt on watermelon?

Absolutely not. That sounds totally disgusting. I think people eat too much salt anyway and the idea of adding it to anything other than certain savoury foods is as repellant as it is weird.

What next? Salt in tea or coffee? Salt on apples, bananas and oranges? Salt in beer and wine?

URRRGGHHHH!!!!

4. Can you swim?

Yes, I can. I learned to swim when I was about 7 or 8. I used to be quite a strong swimmer and when I was younger, I would go to the local swimming pool after work and swim about 40 lengths of the pool to keep fit. 

I don’t do that anymore but when I go on holiday, I usually swim a few lengths in the pool in between relaxing or occasionally just splash about in the sea.

5. Are your parents still alive?

No sadly they aren’t. My dad died at the young age of 44 back in 1981 and my mum died in 2017.

6. First car?

My first car was a white Nissan Micra – like this one:

7. Surgeries?

None. I have, thankfully never had surgery. The most invasive procedure I have had is a tooth filling and a crown.

8. What do you drink in the morning?

On a work day I usually start with a glass of fruit juice and a cup of tea. At weekends I usually just have tea.

9. Can you do 100 push ups?

Not at the moment. I used to be able to. Perhaps I should build up to that again.

10. Can you change a tire?

What is a tire? Oh – you mean tyre? 

I can change a tyre on a bike but not on a car.

11. Tattoos?

No. I hate them and I would never willingly allow somebody to draw on my skin with needles and ink. The reason is that they are far too permanent and if it was messed up or I was fed up of it, the thing would remain, staring at me mockingly.

Also, I am an oldish git and it would look ridiculous, particularly as my skin starts to droop.

12. Do you wear sunglasses?

I wear glasses with reactolite photochromic lenses because without them I cannot see a thing. I have had prescription sunglasses in the past but I prefer the automatic response.

Sadly, using these lenses does have its drawbacks because they react to light whether or not the sun is out. I have been aware that when walking on a bright but cloudy winter’s day my lenses go dark and I look as if I am trying to be a super cool dude in the awful weather. 

Abroad, though in hotter climates they are a godsend.

13. Do you have a phobia?

Yes. I am terrified of heights, quite scared of really tall buildings and I hate spiders. 

14. Do you have a nickname? 

I have had many nicknames in the past but I don’t really have one now (other than people adding the letter Y to my surname). 

Here are some of the things I have been called in the past:

Snow, Snowy, Snowball, Bagpuss, Scrumper, Wavy Davey Gravy, Flossy, Rambo, Fine Hands Fonteine.

Don’t ask.

15. Are you a picky eater?

Not really. I am willing to try most foods but I won’t eat snails or insects – something I have had to make clear on my visits to China.

The only foodstuffs I don’t like at all are rhubarb, pears, apricots, figs, dates, prunes, damsons, English mustard and shellfish.

I’ll eat just about everything else.