Black Feathers

Day 48 of the lockdown and apparently the clown that has somehow fooled people into believing that he is a worthy Prime Minister of my country is going to demonstrate his “wisdom” in a declaration of how we are going to ease lockdown measures over the coming weeks and months in a speech this evening.

I can’t say I’m anticipating any immediate relaxation of the lockdown to be honest and rumour has it that he may allow a few more shops to open as an opening gambit. Hopefully this is the case because, as much as I hate the lockdown and given the statistics, we are not ready to ease anything just yet.

Some people are praising Boris Johnson but when you look at the statistics, we, as a country, have handled the whole thing very very badly. We now have the most deaths in Europe and the second most deaths for a country in the world behind the United States.

It’s all very depressing so I think I will cheer myself up with some silly questions from Sunday Stealing.

1. Do you prefer writing with black or blue pen?

I haven’t really thought about that to be honest. I tend to alternate but I sometimes use different coloured pens at work to highlight different things or the importance of things I have to do. I will say blue because at school we used to have to use fountain pens and my favourite ink was a lovely blue colour called Royal Blue.

2. Do you prefer living in the country or the city?

I prefer the city but I do like escaping to the country. I am lucky where I live because I am five miles from the centre of Manchester with great transport links to get there easily, but equally, I am about twenty minutes drive from Cheshire, a lovely county full of small towns and villages with loads of great places to walk in the countryside and breathe the fresh country air. Also, nearby is the Peak District national park and North Wales. Plenty of scope for exploration of our beautiful countryside.

Here is a map which includes Manchester, Cheshire, the Peaks and North Wales. If you look closely you can see me - a kind of British Where's Wally.

3. How do you drink your tea or coffee?

I suck all of my drinks through my left nostril with a straw –or sometimes my right one (I like to live dangerously).

Of course I don’t. I drink it through my mouth like everybody.

Ah – okay. You mean how do I take it? I like my tea strong with just a small amount of milk and no sugar. I drink coffee black with no sugar. In both cases the beverage has to be piping hot.

Cold tea and coffee are abominations that are not meant to be.

4. Do you prefer bath or shower?

I haven’t had a bath for several years.

No – that doesn’t mean I am a dirty old man. I much prefer showers and I have one every morning.

5. Do you prefer reading paper or electronic books?

For the convenience, I prefer using a Kindle because in those reckless days when I could go travelling, I could stash several books on the small device to enjoy for the duration, rather than having to carry loads of books and weigh down my luggage.

However, for reference books, paper is so much better.

6. Would you ever want to be famous?

Not really. I like my privacy and I fear that if I were famous, my entire life would be subject to public scrutiny and I would be forever paranoid about being a target for prying paparazzi and unscrupulous reporters.

I’d quite like the money though, so if fame is going to come my way, it would have to be anonymously like an author using a pen name such as Theo Plastique or something like that.

7. Are you a restless sleeper?

Rarely. I actually had a nightmare about a month ago and I have no idea why. I won’t go into details but suffice it to say, I sat up in bed, in pitch black darkness with a pounding heart and heavy breathing. Mrs PM was snoring gently next to me, oblivious to my trauma. I then found myself smiling and slightly excited that I had had a dream that had caused me some distress. I lay down again and stayed awake for about half an hour trying to work out what caused the dream.  But then I dozed off and, like every other night, slept through until morning in blissful slumber.

8. What is the strangest thing you have ever eaten?

I have been to China and Japan so the list is endless. I am a fussy eater and I have to know what the food is before I will agree to try it and then I have to be slightly adventurous.

I would say that the strangest things are jellyfish, which I had in China and Japan, and Kangaroo steak which I had in Australia.

9. Do you like cereal crunchy or soggy?

Definitely crunchy. Soggy cereal is disgusting.

10. Do you like ice in your drinks?

Only if it is really hot outside.

11. Do you prefer swimming in pools or the ocean?

Swimming in the sea is more exciting but I hate the sand on my feet and the bits of seaweed floating about (I have a fear of seaweed after an episode of Dr Who I saw as a child).

I guess I would have to say a swimming pool because it is cleaner and there is no sand.

12. What can you hear right now?

The clacking of my keyboard, the washing machine and a progressive metal masterpiece from Sons of Apollo called Fall to Ascend:

13. Where do you feel the safest?

I would probably say at home. I haven’t really thought about it to be honest.

14. What would you like your legacy to be?

I’d like to think that I made a positive difference to somebody’s life.

15. Do you like spicy food?

I love spicy food – but not too spicy. I like to enjoy the meal and the moment it becomes painful to eat, it ceases to be enjoyable.