Merry Christmas Everybody

Well, folks, it’s that time of year again.

I’ve started a mini tradition on this blog at Christmas time – to take a well-loved Christmas tune and ruin it by changing the words into something stupid and inane.

My previous two efforts are here and here.

This year, I have decided to ruin a more modern song: Merry Christmas Everybody by Slade.

The lead singer of Slade, the fabulous Noddy Holder, was actually born in my home town of Walsall and although he doesn’t sing any more, his heartfelt cry of IT’S CHRISTMAAAASSSSSS is as ubiquitous in the UK as mince pies and turkey at this time of year.

I will take this opportunity to apologise to Noddy and the other boys in Slade for destroying their humorous lyrics with my own dreadful effort – but, as I said above, it is traditional.

And I would like to also take this opportunity to wish you, dear reader, wherever you may be, a Merry Christmas.

May Father Christmas bring you everything you desire and may your Yuletide celebrations be wonderful.

And now, I present to you my alternative lyrics:

Are you stuffing tons of turkey in your face?
Is your belly finally running out of space?
Have you drunk a pint of sherry washed down with a quart of ale?
Are you starting to look like a humpback whale?

So here it is Merry Christmas
And PM is having fun.
Eating lots and drinking beer
He’s only just begu – u- un.

Have you wasted lots of money on your gifts?
Were you tempted to give up and just shoplift?
Are you bored with Christmas carols sung by warblers at your door?
Are you tired enough to sleep upon the floor?

So here it is Merry Christmas
And PM is having fun.
Eating lots and drinking beer
He’s only just begu – u- un

What will Mrs PM do when she sees that PM's drunk and overweight? Ah ah!

Is there lots and lots of crap on the TV?
Are there lots of Christmas specials left to see?
Did you fall asleep while watching the Queen grumbling again?
Do you wish you were on a beach in sunny Spain?

So here it is Merry Christmas
And PM is having fun.
Eating lots and drinking beer
He’s only just begu – u- un

IT'S CHRISTMAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!

And for those of you who may not have heard the original – here it is: