Pens and Pals

Welcome to a strange South Manchester where we are gripped and enthralled by a strange phenomenon. I can see it now – a bizarre bright orange thing in the sky radiating warmth upon us. This is good because I am going to watch cricket today and the forecast is not rain – not one drop.

I may even scare the other cricket spectators by wearing shorts. 

In the meantime, let’s answer some silly questions from Sunday Stealing (even though it is in fact Friday). 

1. Things I would do first if I won a billion dollar lottery

The first thing I would do is organise a round the world trip, first class with the best hotels. I would make notes about my experiences with the aim of writing a massive travelogue. 

Then I would return to Manchester and buy a house or two in Spain, Italy and France.

I would of course make sure friends and family were comfortable and give some money away to charities and worthy causes.

And then I would plan another round the world trip …

2. Something I probably spend too much money on

Holidays I would say. 

During my normal mundane existence, I don’t spend that much money. Of course, I pay bills, buy food, buy clothes etc. but huge purchases are rare. 

Having said that and as I have mentioned before, we are having some work done on the house in the next two months, this involves fixing flooring, new carpets, painting, new desk, new sofas and other bits and bobs and that will cost some money.

But with the prospect of a trip to Malaysia next year as well as a holiday to Italy this year and perhap more, it is definitely holidays.

3. How I feel about the dentist

It is a necessary evil. I am not the biggest fan of the dentist but I go every six months for a visit to the dental hygienist and the dentist himself to make sure that my teeth are not going to all fall out. It is never a pleasant experience but it doesn’t scare me like it scares some people.

Here is a post I have written on the subject.

Fear (Part Four – The Dentist) 

4. Foods I am most picky about

I am slightly picky about bananas. They have to be perfect without even one blemish and also they are better if there is a slight amount of green on them. Anything else and I will not eat them. I was horrified by a guy I used to work with who would leave them until they were brown before eating them. YEEEUUUCCCHHHH!!!!

I am a little picky about certain vegetables too. I have to be in the mood to eat courgettes (zucchini in American) and I will only eat sweet potato if it is fried like chips. I only eat parsnips at Christmas and even then I am not too keen on them.

Cheese I love but I am not keen on any that contain blue veins – like stilton. Yet, bizarrely, I love blue cheese sauce.

Go figure.

5. Internet friends / penpals I want to visit in person

Every single one of you. 

I have met two readers of my blog and they are as great in person as they are in blogland. 

So beware – if I am visiting your country or city, I will be on the lookout for all of you.

6. My healthiest habits

I walk every morning, usually a distance of about four miles. My current average number of steps for this year so far is 8843 (4.36 miles per day) which, if I maintain it, will mean I have walked almost 1600 miles this year. What a geek I am.

On schooldays, I eat very healthily. I have fruit for breakfast and a salad for lunch. 

If I have the choice of walking I will usually do so rather than going in the car. I will always try to use the stairs instead of a lift. 

I have been tempted to start running again (I haven’t done so for years) and my next door neighbour thinks perhaps I should. But at the age of 60 I think I prefer just to walk. I have run in the past and I know that it can put a strain on knee-joints and hips. I'm happy to walk.

7. Easiest, low effort foods and snacks for busy days

I have a problem. If there are crisps, cakes or anything unhealthy in the house then I will be drawn to them like the proverbial moth to the flame. Mrs PM is the same and that’s why we try not to buy such things apart from for special treats or occasions.

What we do buy, snack wise, is fried fruit and nuts (usually flame raisins and almonds) and we both love cheese so cheese and biscuits is something we have fairly often. 

For busy days, a sandwich (or “butty” as we call them in Manchester) is a good low effort snack that we probably have most of all.

8. Where I go in summer to unwind

Abroad. As regular readers will know, I love travelling and try to go abroad as often as time, work leave and money will allow. 

That said, I also like to travel in the UK too. Next week, for example, we are travelling to London primarily to see the recent Abba concert but also to meet an old friend who lives there and do some sight-seeing if we have time. 

Also, watching cricket is a good way to relax and that is exactly what I am doing today.

9. My comfort books, tv shows, and movies

Comfort books? Whatever novel I am currently reading. I have just finished a trilogy of horror stories, something I have read less and less over the years. It is a genre I have missed and I will have to explore the subject again. And yes, I realise, dear reader, that finding comfort in reading stories designed to scare people to death does sound weird. But if you haven’t already noticed, I am a weird person.

Comfort TV shows? It has to be a bit of comedy. I love a stand up show or a funny comedy show, particularly an old one. For example, we are currently watching reruns of Frasier, one of my favourite US sitcoms, but I will also watch things like Blackadder, Red Dwarf, Bottom or other decent British comedies that make me laugh.

Comfort Movies? Anything where I can turn my brain off and enjoy them. I love action movies like the Mission Impossible series, any super hero movie, a decent science fiction movie or, as I hinted above, a great comedy film.

10. A list of good things

Mrs PM, music, football, anything that makes me laugh, friends, family, beer, travel, a good book, a sunrise or a sunset over a calm sea, a weird looking sky, my cats, pubs, sleep, a nice cuppa, a lovely meal, a walk in the countryside, a walk through a strange new city, a walk on the beach, writing this blog, reading anything, a strong breeze on a sunny day, a good wine, a sunny summer day in England, people who think they are boring but are in fact the exact opposite, a rock concert, Manchester, writing generally, Walsall winning a game and so on.

There are far too many good things to list on a blog like this.

11. Favourite places to take photos

I love taking photos of sunsets and sunrises even in places like Manchester where (as I hinted above) sometimes the sun hides behind clouds. Here is a Manchester sunrise taken earlier this year at about 6:30 am.

And here is a sunset in Tenerife taken in February this year:

12. The routines and habits I stick to most

I have a set of what I call “daily duties” which I try to perform every single day:

Read something – anything. I tend to split my time between a novel and a book that is out of my comfort zone (usually non-fiction).

Write something - anything. I have a junk journal in which I write every day and is usually in the form of freewriting, which is basically just writing anything, whether it be brilliant (which it isn’t) or most likely just inane thoughts and bullshit. Either way it works for me. But I will never let anyone read it because it is absolutely rubbish.

Learn Spanish. I have been trying to teach myself Spanish for a few years now and I try to practice every single day. It has helped and I feel comfortable trying to communicate my needs in Spanish speaking countries.

Play piano. Playing piano is difficult – very difficult – but if somebody asked my to play a little tune – I can actually do it – as long as I have played the tune before and vaguely got it right. I am playing very simple tunes from a teach yourself book. I can play this believe it or not (this isn't me by the way):

13. Topics I’d love to learn more about

I would love to learn more about playing a keyboard instrument (as I said above). My aim is too eventually buy a synthesiser and explore the weird and wonderful realms of electronic music. I think it will be a good retirement hobby.

I am also a science geek and I am fascinated by anything to do with the universe, planets, the big bang etc. Another potential topic for study when I retire.

There are many more.

14. This time last year ...

I went for a meal with my eldest son and his girlfriend and was looking forward to a cricket match at the weekend. 

15. Favourite memories of someone I’ve lost

I lost my sister two years ago. She was two years younger than me and was taken so suddenly. 

She was clever and witty and brutally honest with me. If I were doing something daft or stupid she would be the one to tell me in no uncertain terms that I was an idiot. She lived in Walsall but we would talk for hours on the phone, trying to sort out the world’s problems. I am certain that if she and I had taken over the world together as joint rulers, planet Earth would be in a much better state. 

And she loved to tell stories about me in front of people; as a world leader I would have been at her mercy.

I miss her.

FBPC

Welcome to a rainy South Manchester. I am supposed to be watching cricket later today but it looks like it will be a total washout because at the moment we are being soaked by a storm that is likely to last most of the day. 

You wouldn’t believe that we are in the middle of summer.

I may as well answer some silly questions from Sunday Stealing. 

1.  What do you have hanging on your walls?

I have pictures hanging on the walls, all of which have been picked by Mrs PM. Here is an example of one of them:

If it were up to me I would choose differently but that would involve shopping and agonising over pictures so I am happy to let Mrs PM do what she wants. The saying “Happy wife happy life” applies perfectly in this situation.

2.  Have you used an outrageous excuse to get out of jury duty?

I have, so far, managed to avoid Jury service (as it is called in the UK). And thank goodness. I don’t fancy sitting in a court room listening to a trial and then having to deliberate with strangers about somebody’s fate. 

In the UK it is mandatory if you are called up and I believe there is little you can do about it unless circumstances are extreme. Hopefully they will keep passing my by when choosing people.

3. Where do you like to go shopping (not for groceries)

I don’t like shopping at all and when I do, I do it online – even for clothes. We have two major places where you can shop here in Manchester. The city centre is a shopper’s paradise and there are lots of crowded shops, especially in and around The Arndale Centre, a huge shopping mall. Also, there is a place called the Trafford Centre which is a self-contained huge shopping mall about seven miles outside the city centre.

Both are horrible crowded places, but the city centre has lots of other things that can distract you from shopping. 

If you forced my hand it would therefore be Manchester city centre but it is unlikely as I will do it online.

4. What was the last movie you saw in a movie theatre?

I saw The Flash. 

I love a good superhero movie. I enjoyed it.

5. If you wrote a note and put it in a bottle to throw out to sea, what would the note say?

It depends where I was. If I were trapped on a desert island it would probably say “Help! I am trapped on an island (just like Robinson Crusoe). If I were on holiday I probably wouldn’t write such  a note. 

6. What decision have you made in your life that you regret?

At my stage of life I am quite happy and that is a result of the decisions I have made so far. Changing any one of them might have led to a different and potentially less happy life. I am going to be boring and say none.

7. What is in your junk drawer?

I don’t have a junk draw. However, there is stuff that Mrs PM might call “junk” in the house. She thinks I am a hoarder. I’m not and I have proof. 

In the next month or two we are having the back room and stairs redecorated, with a new carpet, new sofas, new flooring and lots of potential upheaval that I am not looking forward to at all. As part of that exercise I have been sorting out my “junk”. One of the things we have done recently is to have the loft boarded with a membrane to hide the roof and a new hatch and ladder to make access easier. I had a load of football programmes up there as well as old school notes and university notes. I aim to write a blog post about it soon. 

To cut a long story short, I am in the process of sorting it all out as well as other stuff like old photos, old records and old personal stuff and then put it all up in the loft, which is now clean and quite spacious. 

The bulk of it is now boxed up and is sitting up in the loft – in four storage boxes – yes that’s right just four reasonably sized storage boxes. 

Hardly hoarding when there is room up there for about forty or fifty of these boxes. 

I reckon I probably need four or five more when I empty the cupboard under the stairs. 

And I have thrown away some stuff too. 

It will be a lot tidier and less cluttered in the house by Autumn. 

8. Have you ever gone to a high school reunion?

No I haven’t. However, I have reconnected with two guys I have known since the age of about five and went through junior and senior school with. I haven’t seen them since 1981. I found a reference to an old school photo on Facebook and one of the guys commented:

“Do you remember Plastic Mancunian? Look at his magnificent hair in this photo?” 

The photo was taken in about 1976 and shows me with a huge mop of blonde hair. I laughed and commented back and now we have reconnected. One guy still lives in Walsall but the other is an artist in Cornwall. 

These guys are probably my oldest friends (even though we haven’t seen each other for over forty years). 

It would be good to see them, especially the artist as he was probably my best friend in junior school.

As for university, we have a yearly reunion – this year it was in Amsterdam. I always love them because even though we are all 60 years old, we devolve into the people we were back in 1984 and have a great laugh.

9. Would you rather receive the GOOD news or the BAD news first?

Definitely the bad news first. I like to think that every cloud has a silver lining. 

10. What are your top 3 pet peeves?

Where do I start!

Peeve number one: Our current government. We have had thirteen years of Conservative rule and this bunch of charlatans have taken us out of the EU, crippled people with austerity, screwed us all with their reaction to the Covid-19 pandemic, treated us like idiots with incompetent Prime Minister after incompetent Prime Minister, created a cost of living crisis, almost destroyed our economy and are now leading us down a path towards isolationism under a jingoistic flag of “we’re British – we will prevail!”. We will get a chance to get rid of them next year and I can’t wait.

Peeve number two: Work. I get paid to work but I am fed up of my career. It has served me well and given me the opportunity to travel a lot. There are reasons that I won’t go into now and the bottom line is that I can’t wait to retire. It’s almost time. 

Peeve number three: The cult of celebrity and TV personalities who seem to have been infected by a weird virus that makes them seem perpetually happy. We’ve had a few recent “incidents” where some of these people’s egos have made them think that they are far more important than they actually are, incidents that I don’t care about but that make national news. I don’t care about these people, I don’t care what they did and I don’t want to hear about them constantly. When I watch the news and there is a war in Ukraine or a cost of living crisis I expect to be told about that, not some egomaniacal celebrity who has done something dodgy to upset another egomaniacal celebrity. I would name these people but I don’t want to give them even more publicity, no matter how small. I just wish they would go away.

11. Are there famous people from where you live?

Yes. I have seen a couple of them in my local area on one or two occasions. I don’t know exactly where they live (and I don’t want to know really) but I have seen them in pubs and restaurants. 

12. What kitchen gadgets do you use most?

The cooker, the microwave, the kettle, the toaster and the dishwasher (not really a kitchen gadget but it lives in the kitchen so to me it counts). 

13. Who was your elementary school best friend?

We don’t have elementary school in the UK but I looked it up and our equivalent is called junior school. As I said above, it was the guy who is now an artist living in Cornwall. We went to the same senior school too but after we left we lost touch with one another. It’s good to see what he is up to at the moment. And he hasn’t changed that much from what I can gather. One day we may meet again but given that he lives almost 350 miles away in a rural area of England, it seems unlikely. But you never know. It would be fun to catch up.

14. Choose an animal and tell us 4 things about that animal.

I am going to choose Star(dust) the smaller of our two cats. 

First, she is really friendly and often flirts with the neighbours. She often goes into their houses (even though one of them has a small dog). Earlier this year that same neighbour had a builder doing some major work in their kitchen and the builders all though that Star(dust) was their cat because she would pop in and just watch them while they worked.

Second, she is not scared of anything. Mrs PM calls her a tyke, i.e. a cheeky and mischievous creature. She will go anywhere and explore anything. We have had to buy a fire guard to stop her from climbing the chimney. 

Third, she has what Mrs PM calls a “ghost miaow”, i.e. she miaows but makes no sound. When she does make a sound it is really high pitched. 

Fourth, she is adorable and loves to lie by my side when I am watching TV. When she does, she almost melds with my leg and purrs really loudly.

Here we are together.

15. What is your favourite pizza topping?  What do you never want on a pizza?

I like meaty pizzas, the more variety of meat the better. 

I’m not a fan of spicy pizzas so I try to avoid jalapenos.

Swap Bot Part Five

Welcome to a grey South Manchester where the weather is “changeable”, a word that weather forecasters like to use to soften the blow when telling us that it will rain a lot. The word “changeable” sounds okay – but the reality is that if you don’t go out with a brolly or raincoat there is a good chance you will get soaked, even if there is bright sunshine. 

Anyway, enough about the useless British weather; let’s answer some silly questions from Sunday Stealing. 

1. Does love come from the brain, the heart or elsewhere?

Who knows? 

I don’t think it comes from the brain because typically when you are in love you tend to ignore everything your brain tells you to do. For example, I climbed the Sydney Harbour Bridge because Mrs PM wanted to do it and, although she was willing to go alone, she wanted to share the experience with me. My brain was screaming at me:

 “DON’T DO IT YOU MORON! YOU ARE TERRIFIED OF HEIGHTS!”

I ignored my brain. When it was all over, I dragged her to the nearest pub to calm down my jittering body with a pint of – well … ANYTHING, she told me that she would never have asked me if she knew how scared I would be. 

The heart? Nope. Sorry the heart is just an efficient pump that keeps you alive by circulating blood to you body and has been shanghaied by romantics to sell novels by Barbara Cartland and publicise movies like the dreadful “Love, Actually” and “Sleepless in Seattle”. 

I reckon that it comes from the person you are – for want of a better word, your “soul”. I’m not a religious person or a spiritual person at all but when I think about my physical organs (brain, heart etc.) they don’t really define the person I am. And that person I am is the entity that stores love. 

There you go, dear reader. Love comes from the soul.

Sorry for the metaphysical answer. I got carried away with the question really.

2. Have you ever given a shot?

In the UK we don’t really use the term “shot”; it is an American thing. But since I speak American fluently I know what you mean. 

No, I have never given a shot and I would be very nervous about doing so. 

3. Can you lick your elbow? (Come on, did you try?)

I know for a fact that you can’t lick your elbow unless you are a cat or a dog. So I didn’t try.

4. If I was going to be talking to you for 10 minutes, what would be something really interesting you know a little bit about but would like to know more?

Oh – lots of things! For example …

If you were any kind of scientist, I would be delighted for you to improve my knowledge on whatever your area of expertise is. 

If you could play the piano, I would want lots of tips on any techniques I can use to make my useless fingers do exactly what my brain is telling them too.

I love meeting people who know more than me about subjects that I am interested in.

5. What do you think of the Sopranos?

I have never seen it but it is on the list of things I will get around to watching. I am still catching up on a few things. For example Mrs PM and I are watching “The Wire” – just started the second series.

6. Have you ever had a crush on your teacher?  How about your boss?

I had a crush on a teacher in my last year of junior school. I was about ten years old. She must have been in her twenties at the time, meaning that if she is still around she will be in her seventies now. 

I won’t name her, but she was gorgeous. I became a total teacher’s pet and in the year she taught me, I was smitten like a little puppy dog. When I left that school to go to the grammar school, I even went back a couple of times to see her under the pretence of doing gymnastics as an extra-curricular activity. 

As for my bosses, they have mostly been men but I have never had a crush on a female boss at all. 

7. Have you ever seen a movie in 3D?

Yes – and it is a waste of money. The first one I saw was at university; it was Friday 13th Part III. At the time, 3D was relatively new I think and thankfully the trend seemed to fade due to lack of interest. But recently it came back and we saw the first Avatar movie in 3D. It was okay but I would have preferred 2D to be honest. 

8. How difficult do you think it is for immigrants to come into your country?

It is getting worse. Brexit was largely about immigration and certain tabloid newspapers stoke fear into the people with sensationalist headlines that attempt to pin the blame on all the UK’s woes on immigrants. Headlines like these:

We claim to be a welcoming country but the reality is that we’re not that welcoming at all in my opinion. I will leave this discussion there in case I launch into a massive rant.

9. Do you have what it takes to go live in another country, maybe for years, where you don't speak the language as your first language?

I would love to do that. I speak a little French, German and Spanish and would welcome the opportunity to live in a place that spoke one of those languages and dive into the culture, including speaking those languages to fluency. Mrs PM did it at university and she speaks French very well (she used to speak it fluently over twenty five years ago – although she claims she is no longer fluent). 

10. Have you ever died in your dreams?

No. I’ve had weird dreams where I have been in danger but I’ve never died. I remember seeing a film called Dreamscape starring Dennis Quaid and that movie claimed that if you died in your dream, you died in real life.

11. What book should our political leaders read and why?

I would suggest 1984 by Geroge Orwell to show the dangers of heading towards a totalitarian state. Also, a book about the benefits of telling the truth would be good.

12. What is your favourite glass object?

I’m not sure I have a favourite glass object to be honest with you. I quite like a glass that I acquired from a beer festival that is the perfect shape and volume to hold a 440ml can of beer. 

13. Do you like to window shop?

I don’t like shopping full stop and I find window shopping pointless. I prefer to surf the internet for things I need to buy and, to me, that doesn’t count as window shopping.

14. Are you more likely to buy one really nice expensive outfit or a couple of cheap outfits?

I would rather buy a couple of cheaper outfits. The only time I buy expensive outfits is for weddings and things like that. I do have a penguin suit which I bought in a sale for a New Year’s Eve party and I have worn that a few times but such extravagance is the exception.

15. If you could, would you wear everything once, throw it out and buy something new?

No – that would be a complete waste of money and not very good for anybody or anything.

Either ... Or ...

Welcome to a miserable South Manchester. We are covered in grey cloud and are being soaked by sporadic showers, which is particularly annoying given that the Ashes cricket series is taking place in Manchester at the moment with just over a day left. I went to watch it yesterday to watch a very good day for England in their quest to level the series against Australia. Sadly, if the rain persists the game will end up being a draw. 

Shall we answer some silly questions from Sunday Stealing? 

1. Live on a boat or in a treehouse?

I don’t think I would fancy living in a tree house. 

I have been on a houseboat in Amsterdam and I have to say that it was a pleasant place to be. One of the guys I was working with owned it and he lived there with his wife. It had everything he needed to live in comfort. It is a place I could have lived. 

Therefore my answer is boat. 

2. No computer use for a year or no sweets for a year?

I don’t eat sweets anyway so this one is a no-brainer.  I would live with no sweets for a year.

At the moment I work in IT so it would be tempting to say no computer use – but the problem is I use them outside work too. 

3. Have $2,000 right now or be given $100 every month for the rest of your life?

Surely getting $100 dollars a month for the rest of your life is better than a one-off sum of $2000. You only have to live for just under two years to make it worthwhile.

4. Be an astronaut or an athlete?

I would definitely be an athlete – even at my age. The thought of becoming an astronaut fills me with dread. I know that I wouldn’t shatter any athletic records any more but when I was younger I was pretty good at 100m, 200m 800m, 1500m, 5000m, long jump and triple jump. I can’t say that I would be now but I would try. That is far more appealing than be blasted into space on what is effectively a massive bomb.

5. Have 50 good friends or only one best friend?

Mrs PM is my best friend and if having 50 good friends meant losing her as my best friend then I would go for one best friend.

6. Have bright blue teeth or bright blue hair?

Bright blue hair. I think I would look quite good!

7. Have the power of flight or the power of invisibility?

Given that I am scared of heights, this too is a no-brainer. 

I would have such fun if I could turn myself invisible, as long as my clothes also turned invisible. Suddenly appearing naked in a crowd because the power of invisibility has worn off would be rather unfortunate, don’t you think?  

8. Have a fun friend who is snarky or a boring friend who is kind?

I already have both. I think I would probably go for the boring, kind friend if I’m honest. 

9. Be incredibly rich but without love or be poor but have a happy marriage?

I would definitely rather be poor and have a happy marriage. You can still be happy and poor. I have never been poor but there have been times, especially as a kid, when money was tight and it is very possible to be happy under those circumstances. 

10. Have a freezing cold shower every day or a pleasant hot shower once a week?

It depends where I was. If I was in the south of Spain in the summer, I would have a freezing cold shower every day anyway. If I were in Manchester in the winter, having a freezing cold shower would be a most un pleasant experience. I think I would probably go for the pleasant hot shower once a week.

11. Be an only child or have many siblings?

I would rather have siblings. 

12. Quit video games forever or live in a desert for a month?

I play video games occasionally and to be honest I could live without them quite easily. I’ve been in the Middle East a few times and the desert is quite unpleasant, especially when the temperatures rise to a stupidly high value. Living in such a desert for a month under such conditions would be horrific. I would ditch the video games.

13. Go on a one week trip to a foreign country of your choice or a month long trip in your own country?

I would go on a one week trip to a foreign country, preferably one that I haven’t been to before. 

14. Celebrate your birthday every day or go on your favourite holiday once a year?

I have never celebrated my birthday really and, at my time of life, I would rather forget them. It would have to be my favourite holiday once a year.

15. If fish could talk, what would you ask them?

Where did you learn to talk?

Thieves Like Us

Welcome to a very changeable South Manchester. The weather is sunny and warm one hour and then thundery the next. At the moment the sun has dried the ground from this morning’s rain but the forecast is that there will be a thunderstorm this afternoon (another one) and the ground will be saturated again. 

Compare this with Europe where countries like Italy are in the middle of a heat wave with temperatures soaring above 40 degrees Celsius (104 degrees Fahrenheit). I would rather be in Manchester at the moment I have to say. 

We are going to Italy at the end of September for a week, - well Sicily to be precise. I’m looking forward to that.

Shall we answer some silly questions from Sunday Stealing? 

1. What are the 3 most important things everyone should know about you?

(a) I may appear to be an outgoing and friendly chap who can talk to anybody but inside there is a battle going on between the personification of my desire to be an extrovert and the real me, who is a shy fellow. The extrovert wins most of the time but if you find that you have managed to penetrate my outer shell, the Dave that you met socially and thought was a great guy is not that Dave all the time; he can quiet, shy and slightly vulnerable at times.

(b)  I am not impulsive at all. I have been known to be in the past but those rare occasions have been the exception rather than the norm. I take a lot of time to weigh up the pros and cons of doing anything important but once I have made up my mind, it is cast in stone. 

(c) I like to think I am a nice guy. Somebody once said to me “If you need to tell people you are a nice guy, then deep down you aren’t!” I found that way of thinking rather odd because I believe that I am a nice person. I am helpful and I will never willingly hurt or harm anything. I feel terrible if I inadvertently upset somebody. I even open windows to let flies out of the house rather than killing them. That said, if I were to find a wasp in my house, then it would be killed as soon as I could. That’s the exception. I am a nice guy – but not if you are a wasp.

2. What is the strangest thing you believed as a child?

My dad once said to me – “I’m going to make you a snowman”. I was about five years old and I thought that he was going to take me outside and cover me in snow and leave me in the garden. I read "make" as "turn you into". 

If he had said “I’m going to build you a snowman” I wouldn’t have had such a bizarre thought. 

3. Thinking of school classes, which were your favourite and least favourite?

I loved maths and chemistry. Maths was my favourite subject and I was very good at it. I was such a geeky nerd that I actually used to do extra maths homework – FOR FUN! Can you believe that? Chemistry was fun because I loved mixing chemicals and doing experiments. I was very good at chemistry but I had a tendency to break things on occasion. 

My least favourite subjects were geography and history. I found them difficult and rather tedious and couldn’t wait to give them up. Strangely, now, I am more fascinated by history. 

4. What is your favourite fast food?

I don’t eat fast food very often but it has to be fish and chips, or a “chippy tea” as it is known in Manchester. When you are in the mood for fish and chips, there is nothing more satisfying. 

5. What song comes closest to how you feel about your life right now?

6. Have you ever taken martial arts classes?

No. I did consider it at university. I watched some guys who were trying to get us to join the Karate Society and I was so impressed by their moves that I almost signed up. 

A friend of mine took up kickboxing but gave it up after a few months. I asked him why and he said “I am sick of getting beaten up all the time!”.

Another guy I used to work with is a black belt third dan karate instructor and I asked him if he had ever injured anyone. “I accidentally broke somebody’s leg once,” he said. 

I am glad I didn’t take up martial arts.

7. Does your life tend to get better or worse or does it just stay the same?

It’s getting better. There have been a couple of blips over the past ten years but the trend is definitely upwards. I am very content at the moment.

8. What arts and crafts have you tried and decided you were bad at?

All of them.

I tried painting but a child of five can paint a better picture than I can. 

I tried creating art using a computer and this is the terrible result. I call it “Naughty Cat!”

I tried woodwork and the “thing” I made fell apart after I put it down. 

I tried pottery once and ended up with more clay on my body than there was on the pottery lathe.

Basically I am the worst artist who has ever lived.

9. What is the truest thing that you know?

My name is Dave and I am a bloke.

10. Are you more of a giver or a taker?

I am both but possibly more of a giver than a taker. 

11. Do you make your decisions with an open heart/mind?

I try to but, as I hinted above, I agonise over decisions and take a long time to make them. Mrs PM is the complete opposite – she is impulsive. 

As a couple we work well because she sometimes pressures me to decide things more quickly, and I sometimes rein her in when she is too quick to make an important decision. 

It works quite well – she has made me more impulsive and I have made her less impulsive – if that makes sense. 

12. What is the most physically painful thing that has ever happened to you?

I have never really seriously injured myself. I do remember once falling downstairs as a child and though I was in agony, I didn’t damage anything other than my pride.

As a man, however, I do have a rather vulnerable spot that I won’t go into much detail about (for the sake of common decency). One day I was playing football and I tried to tackle a person who was about to take a shot. I managed to touch the ball out of the path of his foot but it found another target – that vulnerable spot. 

I dropped like a stone and was in absolute agony, rolling around like a total lunatic.

Any man who is reading this will know exactly what I mean. 

13. What is the most emotionally painful thing that has ever happened to you?

The loss of anybody close to me. This has happened a couple of times in recent years. 

14. What is your favourite line from a movie?

I have several favourite lines. Here are some of them:

15. Can you eat with chopsticks?

Absolutely. 

I learned in Hong Kong in the 1990’s when a guy from New Zealand showed me. I have used them all over China and the Far East and I am pretty handy with them.

 

Post Holiday Blues

 

Welcome to a sunny but potentially thundery South Manchester. I’ve been away for a week and yesterday, the day I arrived home, in the afternoon we had a thunderstorm of biblical proportions. Mrs PM noticed that we were short on a couple of provisions so she decided to pop to a local shop to get something. I was busy watching the news at the time and we had a lot of windows open because it was rather muggy – warm and almost uncomfortably humid. I noticed a rumble of thunder and looked outside just as there was a huge lightning strike. This was quickly followed by a huge clap of thunder and suddenly the heavens opened. The rain came down so fast and so quickly that I was quite shocked. We have a satellite dish for Sky TV and such was the force of the rain that I had to switch to the aerial because the signal was completely lost. Mrs PM, in the meantime had had the foresight to take her brolly, which worked as she walked home – for the top of her body at least. From her tummy downwards, she was drenched when she got home. 

Now, I am sure that you have been in the situation, dear reader, where you have found something really, really funny but it is just totally inappropriate to laugh? That’s the situation I was in and I somehow (don’t ask me how) managed to comfort her and listen to her without even smirking. Inside, there was a helpless beast rolling around on the floor laughing so much that he almost had an unfortunate accident – but that person didn’t leak out in front of Mrs PM. 

Even the cats were laughing – of that I am certain.

We have been to beautiful Croatia, the wonderful city of Dubrovnik, where we had a fantastic week of exploring, relaxing and over-indulging. 

It’s back to work tomorrow, hence, hence the title of this post “Post Holiday Blues”. 

Don't worry - I will cope. 

Here are some answers to silly questions from this week’s Sunday Stealing. 

1. Do you trust people at restaurants who handle your food that they aren't doing anything gross to it while you can't see them?

What choice do I have? 

If I were to demand to see them prepare the food, cook the food and present it to me I think I would offend them so much that the next time they saw me, they would probably do something horrible to it on purpose. I have been to a couple of restaurants with open kitchens before and watched these guys perform miracles in some cases just to feed me. 

I therefore have trust in them and 95% of the time the food has been good to amazing. 

2. How do you wear your hair each day?

I shower in order to beat my dreadful hair into submission. I hate my hair and I keep it short so that it is easier to control. Basically it is short on the side and one top I let it do as it pleases as long as it behaves itself – lots of water is always necessary and sometimes even styling wax. 

On holiday and when it’s really hot, I wear a hat and this makes my hair look ridiculous when I finally take it off. On those days I tend to keep the hat on so that the “style” underneath is hidden.

3. Have you ever worn:

A gas mask?

No – I have never worn a gas mask. Thank goodness.

A blindfold?

Yes – but only when playing stupid games like blin man’s bluff as a kid. 

4. Would you be willing to go hang gliding?

Absolutely not. I am scared of heights and it would be one of my worst nightmares. On my recent holiday to Dubrovnik, I refused to walk along the walls because it was too high. I have to admit that I did go on the cable car to the hill overlooking the city. It was high but I was only in the cable car for five minutes each trip. Once you are there it is high but really it is a hill so the fear of heights is subdued. It allowed me to take this picture so it was worth it:

5. What is the difference between a man's button down shirt and a woman's button down shirt?

I have no idea having never worn a woman’s button down shirt. A distant memory tells me that the buttons are on different sides but maybe a lady can confirm that for me. 

6. Have you ever taken a lock of someone else's hair?

No. I’m not sure why I would ever want to do that.

7. Have you ever given anyone a lock of your hair?

I had a lock of my hair stolen by a neighbour when I was barely able to walk. I had short tight curly blond hair as a kid and the lady in question claimed later that my hair was like that of an angel. She was rather eccentric. 

Judge for yourself (if you can from this picture). 

8. If you had a locket what would you put inside?

Probably a photo of Mrs PM and my two lads (if it would fit).

9. Have you ever written something on a bathroom wall?

When I was a young man we found a bar in Amsterdam where there was a blackboard and lots of chalk in the bathroom so it was positively encouraged to write silly and/or rude things. Since I was in a foreign country I chose to write “Walsall FC” (my favourite football team in England). It lasted that night but I imagine the whole thing was washed off ready to start again the next day.

10. When was the last time you fell down in public?

I had been to a beer festival in Stockport and as I was approaching the station I saw my bus about to pull out. I ran as fast as I could and promptly tripped up and ended up going head over heals and sprawling on the floor. I think the bus driver saw me and took pity on me, allowing me to get on the bus. My arm was bleeding and I had smashed a souvenir pint glass that I was carrying in a bag. 

Oh – and I manage to shatter my pride too. 

At least I got home though.

And by the way, I wasn’t drunk. 

And I was in my early 50’s too. 

11. Are you more aggressive or mellow?

I am definitely more mellow. I can be aggressive when something really angers me but such episodes are rare. I hate confrontation of any kind and I am more likely to walk away than to be aggressive. I like to think that if you have a calm outlook on life then you are generally more able to cope with the things life throws at you. 

That doesn’t stop me ranting though , but when I do it is usually tongue in cheek and also very amusing rather than threatening. People try to wind me up on purpose just to get me going and cheer them up. 

I am definitely trying to cut down on ranting too. 

12. What have you done with yourself to keep your life worth living?

I am a naturally inquisitive person and I believe that if you can learn something new every day then that makes life worth living. 

I also like to keep a routine to improve myself, even if it is a tiny little step a day. 

And I genuinely like people (though I am shy) and I get pleasure from watching other people having fun – though ideally I would like to be having fun with them. 

13. What is the most incredible thing you can do?

I don’t know. 

I can make some computers behave themselves and I am quite good at it, despite hating my job. 

I can sing like a cat that has had its tail slammed in a door. 

I can make Mrs PM laugh by singing the chorus to this:

J'en perds la raison dans la mer du Japon

I can speak American English, Canadian English and Australian English fluently. 

I am sure there is something else that makes me incredible – give me twenty years to work out what it is.

14. Do you bury your pets, flush them, or throw them away?

I take them to the local vet who promises to treat them with dignity and kindness for a fee.

15. What's your favourite thing that is yellow?

I can’t think of anything. I don’t wear yellow clothes because I look like an alien banana. To be honest, yellow is not one of my favourite colours at all if I’m honest. 

Ah – the walls in the room I am in are yellow (to brighten the place up as the back of the house doesn’t get much light). I will say that.

16. Do you have any tattoos or piercings?

Nope. I would look ridiculous with either. 

I once used a biro to create a tattoo on my hand when I went to work dressed up as Ozzy Osbourne for charity back in 2010. You might be able to make out the O Z Z Y on my fingers. That’s the closest I will ever get (mainly because it washed off). 

Swap Bot Part Four

Welcome to a cloudy but warm South Manchester. The sun is hiding today behind white clouds that are covering Manchester like a blanket. We may see a little later and there is the threat of rain but it is still very warm.

Last week, the Clown (aka Boris Johnson) was found guilty of misleading parliament about his antics during the Covid-19 pandemic and threw a proper hissy fit in the style of Donald Trump. He saw the report before it was publicised and promptly resigned as an MP using all manner of Trumpian rhetoric – referring to a “kangaroo court”. 

So he is no longer an MP and I dearly hope that the lying sack of potatoes never comes back into the public eye. I doubt it because his ego is as big as the planet. 

But I am glad that he has been exposed as a lying, cheating incompetent buffoon has been out of his depth for decades. 

Good riddance you useless excuse for a man.

Here is a guy called James O'Brien telling everybody what he thinks of him in a far more eloquent way that I can - and his anger is there for all to see. It's worth watching if you have ten minutes spare.

Glad to have got that off my chest. 

Shall we answer some silly questions from Sunday Stealing? 

1) What is your favourite way to spend a lazy day?

If it’s a sunny day then I will probably go for a pleasant walk somewhere and have lunch is a café or pub and then stroll home and potter about, watch some TV, sit in the garden with a book – that kind of thing.

It it’s a miserable day then I will probably just do the same but not go for the pleasant walk. 

2) What do you look forward to every week?

I look forward to Thursday at around 3:30pm when I finish work for the week. 

3) Name three pet peeves you currently have.

I’ve tried my best to avoid politics and not rant about all things political that piss me off and I am improving. I am aware that I was letting the grumpy old man inside get the better of me, allowing him to get more airtime than he should have. So I have been trying to lock him away. But occasionally certain things bring him out – like Boris Johnson. 

However, I will mention politics as a pet peeve because it has the ability to bring out the worst in me. I will take a deep breath and say that Boris Johnson in particular is a pet peeve – including his allies like Jacob Rees-Mogg – because he has now been exposed as a liar and an incompetent buffoon who should never have been Prime Minister of the UK. His antics brought about Brexit and have made the UK the laughing stock of the world as well as doing their best to damage the economy. I shall stop there because I could write an entire tome on the subject.

Pet Peeve number 2? A recent one is Shiny Happy People. Not the REM song but those that they probably wrote the song about. Those people who are all over our TV set who constantly seem to be enjoying themselves despite everything that is going on. They laugh at their own jokes (which aren’t funny) and gush over famous people as if they are from another planet. As you can guess, I don’t watch such programs.

Pet Peeve Number 3? Work. When I retire I am considering starting a new blog or at least writing a series of blog posts about the exact reasons that work pisses me off and has done for quite a few years now. All I can say is that now is not the time and a lot of people I work with are amazing and talented people who I think are incredible and who feel the same way. But there are reasons why I just want to jack it all in – and I may reveal all in the future. 

4) If you were to win an all-expense paid vacation for two weeks to anywhere in the world, where would you choose to go? What are some of the things you would like to experience while you were there?

That’s a tough question. I really want to travel around the world but you can’t fit that in in two weeks. I think I would head to the Far East and travel to places like Japan, South Korea, Taiwan and of course Hong Kong. In Japan I want to go to Osaka and Hiroshma and I would like to experience Seoul and Taipei too. My last few days would be in Hong Kong and if you are going to pay for all expenses then I will stay in The Peninsular Hotel thank you very much.

5) What was one of your favourite toys as a kid? Did you save any special things from your childhood that you still have today?

I don’t have any toys that I used to have as a kid. I gave most of them away to my cousin who has since disposed of them all. I had a lot of toys but I loved anything that allowed me to create my own little story. I had quite a few action figures, toy soldiers, figures and vehicles from shows like Thunderbirds and Captain Scarlet and I would create elaborate action stories using all manner of props. I simply got lost in the worlds I created. And I loved doing that. Part of me would like to do the same today – that imaginative child is still there. 

6) What is your favourite holiday? What is your least favourite holiday?

It is difficult to pick a favourite holiday but these are candidates:

Interrailing around Europe in 1985. 

Travelling around the United States for a month in 1989, taking in places like Washington DC, New York, New Orleans, San Francisco and Los Angeles.

Travelling around China in 1999 – the full trains, planes and automobiles experience in an incredible country, taking in Guanzhou, Chongqing, Xi’an, Beijing and Shanghai.

Working in Hong Kong for 3 months in 1999 (not really a holiday but I loved the place).

Travelling around Thailand in 2002 (ish). 

Travelling to Australia in 2005 taking in Cairns, Port Douglas, Brisbane and driving from there to Sydney over a week stopping off at various places like Byron Bay.

Traveling to Japan in 2013 taking in Tokyo, Hakone and Kyoto.

Travelling to Vietnam in 2017, taking in Hanoi, Da Nang and Ho Chi Minh City.

I could go on and I have probably missed a few of them out. 

My least favourite holiday was a trip to Thailand (Koh Samui) when it rained almost every day – massive thunderstorms that flooded the streets. We spent a lot of time in the room and when we ventured out we had to avoid getting absolutely drenched. 

7) Have you ever met anyone famous? What concerts have you attended?

I have met one or two people who are in bands that are not that famous and I have seen quite a few famous people walking around places in the general public but not had the courage to talk to them. One day I will find that courage to talk to somebody famous – just to get a photo if nothing else. 

I have been to thousands of concerts. And seen most of my favourite bands. Here are some of the biggest artists I have seen:

A-ha, AC/DC, Aerosmith, Alice Cooper, Big Country, Black Sabbath, Bruce Springsteen, Bryan Adams, Cher, Deep Purple, Def Leppard, Devin Townsend (big to me anyway), Dio, Disturbed, Dream Theater, Europe, Extreme, Faith No More, Foo Fighters, Gary Moore, Gary Numan, Ian Gillan, Guns ’N’ Roses, Iron Maiden, Joan Jett and the Blackhearts, Joe Satriani, Judas Priest, Manic Street Preachers, Marilyn Manson, Meat Loaf, Megadeth, Metallica, Motörhead, Nightwish, Nine Inch Nails, The Offspring, Orchestral Manoevres in the Dark, Ozzy Osbourne, Queen, Queens of the Stone Age, Queensrÿche, Rammstein, Riverside (big to me anyway), Rush, Slash, Status Quo, Steven Wilson (big to me anyway), Whitesnake, Within Temptation

There are many more most of which you won’t have heard of.

I will add Porcupine Tree to that list in a couple of weeks and, believe it or not ABBA. Mrs PM and I are going to London on her birthday to see the new ABBA show in London with “Abbatars” of the real band:

8) Are there any expressions that people use that really annoy you? If so, what are they?

Where do I start? 

MUST 

NOT 

RANT

Okay. Here are a few examples of words and phrases that have been abused.

Journey: “We hope you join the company on our journey to excellence”.

Like: “I was, like, about to, like, tell him, like, that he was, like, out of order, like, but he wouldn’t, like, listen”.

System: “This soap is a complete cleaning system”.

Literally: “And it was, literally, a disaster”.

Distraction (used mainly by politicians): “This Boris Johnson business is just a distraction from the job that we were elected to do”.

I could go on  …

But I won’t. 

9) Do you like your name? Are you named after anyone? Is there a story how you got your name? Would you change it if you could? If so, what name would you give yourself?

I love my name. My name is not “Plastic”; it is Dave. 

I was almost called George after my father but thankfully my mother stepped in and objected. Gerge is my middle name, which is fine. 

I don’t think I would change it though but I might be tempted to invent a new Internet Persona called Max Power for a different blog. Don’t laugh – there is a footballer in England with that name.

10) It is said that it's the little things that make life worth living. Name five of those little things in your life.

The biggest things in my life are friends and family. They are a huge part of my life so given the nature of the question they don’t count.. As for little things …

My two cats, Ziggy and Star(dust). These little creatures keep me happy and both are quite happy to cuddle up next to me while I am sitting down. It feels nice. 

Music. I have access to a huge database of music thanks to Spotify and I can listen to music whenever and wherever I want to. It calms my mood and makes me feel positive. 

A pint of beer or a cup of tea. I love both. Tea keeps me sane during the day and in the evening (at weekends mostly) a pint singles the end of the working week. 

Comedy. I guess this means anything that can make me laugh. Laughter is the best medicine and I try to do it as often as I can. 

Sunrises and sunsets – I love a good sunrise and sunset and I have loads of photos of them, some of which are actually in Manchester believe it or not.