10 From 100

Welcome to a sunny and warm South Manchester on day 49 following our resident clown’s declaration of freedom from Covid-19. Infection rates are steady but rising ever so slowly, hospitalisation due to Covid-19 is steady and the number of deaths a day is still rising slightly. But the powers that be, as incompetent as they are, seem happy to allow it to continue as is, as we head in Autumn here in the UK. This time last year, the rates all climbed as the temperatures fell and the nights became longer. Unlike last year though, 88% of the adult population have had at least one vaccine with about 78% being fully immunised.

The coming week is a strange one for me. I am going into the office tomorrow for the first time since Macrh 2020, just for a couple of days, and today I have to test myself with the government supplied test. I don’t know how accurate it is but if I have Covid-19 it should yield a positive result. 

It is the first test I have done and, as far as I know, I haven’t actually had Covid-19. I certainly don’t think I have it, as I feel absolutely fine, with no symptoms whatsoever. But my company has mandated that we have to test ourselves twice a week if we are to return to the office, ergo I have to, even though I will be working part time in the office and part time at home from now on.

That is life, living with Covid-19 folks. 

Shall we answer some silly questions from Sunday Stealing? 

1.What's your favourite TV channel to watch in the middle of the night?

I rarely watch TV in the middle of the night. If I do, I will channel surf until I find something interesting or, most likely, just watch the news or a late night comedy show.

2.Which decade do you feel the most special connection to and why?

The 1980’s. I love that decade and have many fond memories of it. I entered the decade aged 17, still living at home in Walsall and studying for A-levels, having never travelled abroad and barely even travelled outside Walsall (if I am honest). I left the decade aged 27, married, with a university degree, a job in an IT company, having moved to Manchester and travelled abroad often enough to get completely bitten by the travel bug.

My life changed so much in that decade. 

I loved the music, the fashion, the movies, the TV and the entire lunacy of the decade – perhaps summed up in the following songs:

3.What is your favourite oldie/classic rock song?

As you can imagine, I have hundreds of them. Here is one of my favourites:

4.What Disney villain are you the most like and why?

I love Shere Kahn from the Jungle Book. He is just so cool and has an amazing voice (provided by George Sanders). 

5.Have you ever been a girl scout/boy scout?

No – thank goodness!

6.If you were travelling to another continent would you rather fly or take a boat?

I would fly, of course. A boat to the USA or Africa would take ages and even longer if I had to go further afield, like Asia or Australia. I’ve been on a cruise before and to be honest I got a little stir-crazy. It is much better to fly.

7. What are three of your favourite dog names of all time?

I have to dig into my past for dog names. I would feel like a traitor if I chose any names other than dogs I have owned or that have been owned by my family. Here are my three:

Paddy, Rinty and Beric.

8. How do you feel when you see a rainbow?

I feel it is time to quickly get my camera out and capture it. Like this one, I captured in Liverpool:

9. If you were in the Land of Oz would you want to live there or go home?

I would want to go home. It looks like a mad place to me, with witches, wizards, talking lions, talking scarecrows (we have one as Prime Minister and he has no brains either), talking and moving tin men and flying monkeys. 

10. What is the first word that comes to mind when you see the word:

Air: Music

Meat: Pork

Different: Eccentric

Pink: Elephant

Deserve: Merit

White: Snake

Elvis: Burger

Magic: Moment

Heart: Beat

Clash: Colour

Pulp: Fiction

I hope nobody is going to psychoanalyse me based on those choices and send the men in white coats around.

Something on Sunday

Welcome to South Manchester on a sunny Bank Holiday weekend on day 42 since restrictions ended in the UK for Covid-19 (well 90% of them anyway). Bank Holiday weekend just means that we have a public holiday on Monday so we get a longer weekend. 

Here are some questions from Sunday Stealing with the dubious title “One Direction Asks” – I presume this is the over-rated “boy band” One Direction, so I am going to rebel and simply call this post “Something on Sunday” because I hate boy bands with a passion. Of course, if you like them or any other boy band then that’s fine.

Shall we dive in?

1. Are you a Jeopardy fan?  Who do you want to replace Alex Trebeck?.

Not at all. I’ve seen the show on trips to America in the past but that’s about it. I have no idea who Alex Trebeck is and wouldn’t recognise him if he said “Hi Plastic Mancunian! I’m Alext Trebeck – have you heard of me?”

2. What’s your favourite horror film?

That’s a tough one. I’m not a fan of horror movies but I quite enjoyed IT Parts 1 and 2 recently (because I have read the book too). I quite like a good science fiction horror – so I will say Aliens.

3. Are you a possessive person?

I’m possessive about objects I own and don’t want to get rid of, for example my CD collection. But when it comes to people, not at all. I would hate to be the target of a possessive person.

4. Who’s your idol?

Do you know, I don’t think I actually have an idol. There are lots of people out there who I respect but I wouldn’t say that I idolise them at all. 

5. List five things you can’t live without.

Number one on the list is oxygen of course and anything else that keeps my body ticking over.

In addition, here are five things that make my life pleasant:

Music, travelling, my house, my gadgets, money.

6. Where do you feel home?

I love travelling but I actually feel at home here in Manchester. There are a lot of places that I could live but my heart is still in this magnificent northern city and no matter how far I go I will always want to come back at some point.

7. What are your three best qualities?

I like to think that I am a nice guy, who listens, makes you laugh (intentionally sometimes but mostly unintentionally) and has a good heart.

8. Name three things that make you happy.

I would say Mrs PM, my friends and family and my cats.

9. What helps you when you’re feeling down?

Definitely music. If I feel a little down, which does happen occasionally, I just put on a suitable song. The actual song depends on the mood but something like this will always perk my mood.

10. Which big cities have you been to?

I’ve been to so many that I have lost count. Here are most of them:

Manchester (of course), Birmingham, London, Cardiff, Glasgow, Edinburgh, Paris, Munich, Berlin, Madrid, Barcelona, Lisbon, Rome, Prague, Budapest, Amsterdam, Zurich, Geneva, Dublin, Valetta, Moscow, New York, Boston, Atlanta, San Francisco, Seattle, Washington DC, Las Vegas, Tulsa, Richmond, Miami, Toronto, Vancouver, Johannesburg, Rio de Janeiro, Salvador, Bangkok, Ho Chi Minh City, Hanoi, Chiang Mai, Hong Kong, Beijing, Shanghai, Tokyo, Kyoto, Sydney, Brisbane, Guangzhou, Kunming, Muscat, Adu Dhabi, Dubai and Singapore. 

There may be more – and there may be some places that are cities but forgot about.

11. What’s your favourite love story? ( Book, film, etc. )

I’m not a lover of love stories (does that sound weird?). There is usually a lot of schmaltz, too much if I’m honest and I get bored because they are usually far too predictable. But Notting Hill made me laugh once or twice so I will reluctantly say that.

12. Talk about the best concert you ever attended.

I will have to say that my favourite band was Rush, who sadly are no longer a band because, sadly, they decided to call it a day shortly before drummer Neil Peart passed away. The last time I saw the band was the last time they visited the UK in 2013 and is to date the most expensive concert I have been to. 

In terms of being a spectacle it wasn’t the most explosive or exciting (that honour goes to German industrial metal band Rammstein who were incredible). Nevertheless, the music was amazing and they performed as they always did without a support, being onstage for over three hours (with an intermission). 

I was so sad when they called it a day and even sadder when Neil Peart died. But I am delighted that I saw them on their last tour of the UK.

13. What’s one thing you don’t ever want to change?

Apart from work, I don’t want to change my life at all. Once we can travel again (which is getting closer dear reader), that will see my life returning to normal. And that’s the way I want it to stay – preferably as a retired person.

14. What scares you?

I am scared of heights, something that has steadily got worse over the years. I guess if monsters and ghosts existed, I might be scared of those too.

15. What are three things you want to do before you die?

I am going to live forever. 

Well, if you are going to push me …

I want to go on a round the world trip – but I would be happy to visit Japan and Australia again, and a few countries that I haven’t been to yet, like New Zealand.

I want to write a novel or a serious book, rather than the crappy travelogues I’ve already written.

I wouldn’t mind trying to write a song. That would be fun.

Sleepy

Welcome to South Manchester on day 34 of so-called freedom, on an unpleasant day with lots of rain. I narrowly avoided the rain this morning, the main showers starting about ten minutes after I had arrived home from my daily walk. Thank goodness.

Here is the usual Sunday Stealing post  called Sad and Sleepy. I decided to just call it Sleepy because I m not particularly sad at the moment – a little sleepy I guess but since it’s the weekend I will have a nice lie in tomorrow morning.

Shall we dive in?

1. Has anyone ever made fun of your taste in music?

People always make fun of my music. Most of them are lovers of terrible pop music (from all eras) or people who like classical music, jazz or similar tastes. I try not to tell people that their music is rubbish these days; instead I tell them that it is not to my taste. In return they tell me that the music I like is not music at all. Some say it is too noisy, that there is no tune, that the singers do not or cannot sing or that the musicians have zero talent. I have been called a musical dinosaur, tone deaf or contributing to the death of music by supporting such artists.

I do admit that some of the music I like is an acquired taste, but I genuinely believe that the musicians I like are extremely talented and exhibit virtuosity of the highest order. I tell such people that just because the powers that dictate people’s musical taste with an endless supply of banal and inane pop drivel don’t like my music because the artists are independent, talented and want to express themselves in a way that these evil music moguls don’t permit. 

My claims are substantiated because although the bands and artists I like don’t reach number one in the singles charts or get a lot of airplay on the radio, they still sell millions of records and sell out their tours. 

I will give anything a chance.

Even two songs as diverse as this:

What have I learned?

All life, it never goes away

You never will betray

When words have gone away

Remember Namaste

Remember – don’t let anyone tell you what music to like – but it does pay to expand your horizons. There is so much music out there waiting to be discovered.

2. Do you have pop-tarts in your house right now?

I have to say with my hand on my heart that I have never had a pop tart. So the answer is no.

3. Does someone owe you over twenty dollars?

Nobody owes me any money whatsoever. If somebody owed me $20 I would ask for £20 instead (which is a little more). That’s because you can’t spend dollars in the UK.

4. When was the last time you burned any part of your body?

I seem to remember that I picked up a saucepan with a metal handle and that burned. Why do they make saucepans with metal handles?

5. What kind of booze did you last take shots of?

I don’t drink shots. However, we visited a distillery in Llandudno, in Wales, a week or two ago and I tried a couple of shots of Welsh whiskey. I don’t like whiskey really so I asked the guide what he recommended for somebody who doesn’t really like it. The shot he gave me was, actually, surprisingly good, I have to say. It hasn’t changed my mind though to be fair.

6. If you could see any musician live, front row, who would you choose?

I’ve seen Devin Townsend live once but at the front, it was a little insane with a huge mosh pit forming around me. I would probably choose Steven Wilson as his music is a little more sedate and less prone to crowd eruptions.

7. If I gave you ten dollars, what would you spend it on?

I wouldn’t be able to spend it in the UK, as I said in question (3) because we use pound sterling instead. I could go to a currency exchange and get £7.34 for it and buy myself a beer or two at the pub. I would probably take it home and stash it away in my collection of foreign currency ready for my next trip to America.

8. Does / did either of your parents serve in the military?

Yes. My father served in the army for about three years in the late 1950’s. I don’t think he would have had he had a choice – it was mandatory in those days. I think he learned from his experience. 

9. Do you like sour candy?

I can honestly say that I have never had sour candy. It is a little bit of an oxymoron so to be honest I don’t think I would want to try it.

10. What do you do to stay awake when you’re tired?

I used to drink coffee but I have now given up caffeine because you cannot control how long it keeps you awake. These days, now I am older and wiser, I allow my body to dictate when I sleep. If I am at home and tired, I will allow sleep to take over and doze off. 

11.Do you wear your shoes around the house?

Only when I come into the house or just before I leave. 

12. Is there ever a time that you enjoy cold showers?

Yes – I like a cold shower when it is extremely hot. I was once in Oman and the outside temperature was about 38 degrees Centigrade and I stupidly decided to go for a walk. I didn’t last very long because the heat and the humidity conspired to start the process of cooking me alive. When I returned to my hotel room I was sweating so much that I could barely peel the T-shirt off my back. When I did, I simply stepped into a warm shower and gradually took the temperature down until it was absolutely freezing cold. That cooled me down very quickly and was thoroughly enjoyable. 

13. Are you good at filling silence in awkward situations?

It depends on the situation. If there are just two of us, I will try to kick start the conversation. I was once working in Russia with a colleague who was very quiet, so I tried to drive the conversation over dinner and in the hotel bar. It worked but it was hard work. If there is a large group of people I am more inclined to leave such things to somebody else.

14. Any TV shows you sit down weekly to watch?

Yes – quite a lot. Now the football season has started again, I usually watch Match of the Day on Saturday night and I watch the news on a daily basis. I tend to record most other programmes to watch at my leisure.

15. Are you one to sneak food into movie theaters?

Absolutely. I was very annoyed one time, as an adult with two young kids, when the usher (or whatever you want to call him – “jobsworth arsehole” was a phrase I had to stop myself from calling him to his face). The kids had a couple of bags of sweets and this arse wouldn’t let me take them in, leaving me no choice but to pay an exorbitant amount for their own sweets, drinks etc. Since that point I vowed to try to sneak in my own refreshments. And to that jobsworth arsehole I have this to say:

I have a 100% success rate you bloody idiot.

Summer

Welcome to a rainy South Manchester on day 28 of so-called freedom from Covid restrictions. It’s August, it’s supposed to be summer, yet the rain is drizzling outside and the sun is nowhere to be seen, hiding behind the grey-white clouds that are drifting over my house.

Despite the gloom, it’s still reasonably warm and I just hope to see a little more sunshine before summer gives way to Autumn. The leaves on some trees are already starting to turn, which is s sign that summer is definitely receding. 

Shall we answer some silly questions from Sunday Stealing? 

1. What subjects lead you down a Wikipedia rabbit hole?

All sorts of subjects. I sometimes play that little game if I am looking things up and just follow links down and down to see where they lead me. One of my favourite subjects is music and I often look up old bands and artists to see what has happened to them. I also use Wikipedia to look up new artists and details about their music, like albums, songs etc. I quite like looking up historical facts too and details about other things I don’t actually know about and, following those links, can keep me entertained for ages.

2. How do you like to spend your birthdays?

I am rather weird when it comes to my birthday. I don’t regard it as a special day any more because it signifies that I am getting older. I also don’t particularly like being the centre of attention and I am quite happy just to go out for a meal or something with Mrs PM. The worst birthdays are milestone birthdays, for which I tend to do something different. For example, on my 40th birthday I went to Madrid for a weekend with some mates and on my 50th we visited Rome with some friends. The next milestone birthday is 60 and I have no doubt that I will pop off to another European city for a long weekend and, by then I would have thought that Covid will be under control.

3. Something you might take a little too seriously?

I have recently taken politics far too seriously, to the point where I have lost my temper over it. I have now decided to at least try to ignore it and not to get angry about the incompetence of the government we have had to endure since 2010, resulting in the UK becoming a laughing stock to the world. I still rant a little about Boris the clown – he deserves that much because he is a power-hungry malignant narcissist who is out of his depth. I will celebrate his inevitable demise and I welcome a time when I don’t have to see the scarecrow on my television. Until then, whenever I see the bumbling blustering buffoon, I shall take deep breaths and think of fluffy bunnies cavorting in a summer field of daisies.

4. Describe a time you made a good decision for yourself

Way back in 1999, I decided to take the opportunity of a three month secondment to Hong Kong. Mrs PM came with me and we thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. It was hard work and I already loved the city. Living there was completely different from just visiting (as I had many times previously) and I got to know the city well. We worked really hard with, sometimes, long and awkward hours but if I could do it again I would. We even found time to spend two weeks touring China in true Planes, Trains and Automobiles fashion. I love Hong Kong and since then I have taken every opportunity that has come my way to visit the place. I regard the city as an old friend and whenever we head to the Far East we always try to squeeze in a visit.

5. Something you’ve improved/gotten better at

I think my Spanish has improved recently, since I have been making more of an effort and, although it is poor, I can get the gist of written Spanish. I need to take it to the next level though and my aim is to do so as I close in on retirement.

6. What dish would you bring to a summer potluck?

I would probably cheat and buy something sweet for dessert.

7. What do you miss about Winter?

I don’t miss winter at all. It is cold, dark and miserable. I guess I quite enjoy Christmas and New Year, but I’m not keen on the build up to the big day with the pressure of buying gifts and arranging stuff. I quite like the parties though.

8. Share a summer memory

2017 was a bad year for me and at the end of the summer we went to C’an Pastilla in Majorca on a last minute deal to get away from it all, literally. I needed the break to get my head back in shape and remove the stress that had built up. We quickly adopted a relaxing routine. We would start the day with breakfast and then embark upon a leisurely six mile walk down the promenade to nearby Arenal and back, just watching the sea and listening to the waves lapping up on the shore before having lunch and relaxing by the pool, reading and listening to music. All of the stress from the previous months basically drifted away and it recharged my batteries completely and when I returned to the UK with a smile on my face and my head in exactly the right place.

9. Words you misspell or misuse the most

When I was younger I used to misuse the word “aggravate”. I would say things like “Stop aggravating me!” to mean “Stop winding me up!”

10. Things you love to do, that can only happen in summer

I love walking by the sea on a sunny day, and walking in the countryside, also in the sunshine. I also like travelling to Europe in summer. Okay, I can do those things in winter but they are typically more unpleasant due to the weather. 

11. How would you describe your sense of humour?

I have a strange, weird and sometimes dark sense of humour. For example, I love shows like Monty Python, which I regard as surreal but really intelligent. Here are a couple of examples:

12. Have you ever quit a job or career?

No. But I will be doing so in the next couple of years.

13. What are your favourite features of your cell phone?

I like just about everything about it. I can access the internet anywhere, it records my steps, I can take photos, I can measure my heart rate, it’s a torch, it’s a satnav, I can send messages and, most bizarrely of all, I can actually use it as a phone. 

And there are hundreds and hundreds of apps that I can download to make my life even easier. It is an amazing bit of tech.

14. What scents always make you hungry?

Cooking generally makes me feel hungry, particularly in a restaurant.

15. What are you working on right now?

This blog post. Actually, I am trying to write three things. The first is an autobiography, the second is a travelogue and the third is a novel. It is just a little bit of fun and I can imagine that none of them will ever see the light of day (as I am a crap writer) – but they keep me happy.

Olympics and Stuff

Welcome to  a rainy South Manchester on day 21 since freedom day. It’s a bit weird actually because we have just returned from a long weekend to Llandudno, a lovely little seaside town in North Wales, about 90 minutes away by car, but where the lockdown rules are different from those we have in England. 

Just for the benefit of American readers, I live in the United Kingdom, which comprises four countries; England, Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland (not the Republic of Ireland). We have a devolved government in that Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland can still make their own rules and each has a first minister, but they have to endure the same stupid clown that we do in England as the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom.

So in Wales, they were still under stricter Covid-19 restrictions, meaning that social distancing was in force and pubs, restaurants etc. were limited in the number of people they could accommodate. In England, such restrictions stopped on July 19th.

However, we were there from Thursday to Saturday, and on Saturday (yesterday), they had their so-called “Freedom Day” and now they can open up as they did before the pandemic, although they do have slightly stricter rules than we do in England – they have to wear masks on all public transport and in shops – though not in places where food and drink are served. It’s optional in those places. Nevertheless we did see people wearing masks in restaurants when walking around and some places still had barriers up.

Anyway we had a good time despite dodgy weather at times, and now I am back just in time to contribute to this week’s Sunday Stealing just as the Olympics in Tokyo are about to finish. Let’s answer some silly questions shall we?

1.  What is the nearest book to you?  Your Kindle does not count.

The nearest book to me is one of two books I am reading at the moment. This year I have pledged to myself that I will read some old books from my dusty collection that are all to do with creative writing with a view to helping myself from being absolutely dreadful to one that is slightly less awful as the year progresses. This particular book is called “Three Rules for Writing a Novel” by an American author called William Noble. It is very interesting and I have had to resist using my marker pen to correct his use of words like “favorite”, “vacation” and “color” to the correct way (“favourite”, “holiday” and “colour”). 

Of course I am joking – I can tolerate such foibles in my American cousins.

2.  When was the last time you took a "me" holiday

I have just been to Llandudno, as I mentioned above, with Mrs PM and that was an “us” holiday, which are the kind I like best. When did I last take a “me” holiday? In all honestly I have no idea and I don’t know what a “me” holiday would entail. I am not averse to travelling alone if necessary (I have had to do so numerous times with work – but they are not holidays at all as work is involved). I think a “me” holiday would only happen if Mrs PM were away somewhere – and I think I would drive to a nearby seaside resort, book myself into a nice hotel and then relax with walks along the seafront, or sitting in a café or pub overlooking the sea, with a good book and a beverage of my choice, watching the world go by. That is unlikely to happen for a while I have to say.

3.  How many telephone numbers do you have?

Quite a lot. I’m not going to count them – though perhaps I should go through them and remove those which are no longer necessary. With the advent of social media, I rarely use my phone as a phone these days. 

4.  If you could fix one thing in the public school system, what is the one thing you would do immediately?

Public schools in the UK are an oxymoron. They are not public at all; you have to pay fees for them and usually involve rich politicians, famous people and so-called celebrities sending their poor spoiled kids away to be educated. 

I would consider banning them completely. 

5.  What's your favourite Olympic event?

I have dipped into the Olympics briefly and I have to say that I quite like watching the indoor cycling events. I can watch most of the sports actually, except, bizarrely, football (or soccer to the American readers). Why? Because the UK doesn’t compete. As I mentioned above, we have four countries comprising the UK and in football terms we have individual teams for each nation; England, Northern Ireland, Scotland and Wales. The governing body, FIFA, would probably try to force us to compete in all competitions as the United Kingdom, if we were to enter a combined team into the Olympics – and none of the four nations would accept or allow that to happen. 

That said, we did have special permission to do this during the London 2012 Olympics – just because they were in the UK I think.

6.  Do you watch the Olympics?

As I said above, I dip in and out of them, rather than watching them religiously. I know that the UK did rather well, finishing fourth overall.

7.  Who is your favourite sports team player?

I can’t say that I have a current favourite. The football club I support, Walsall FC, have a largely new squad this season and it only started yesterday, so I will reserve judgement for a few months. 

My all-time favourite Walsall player is a guy called Alan Buckley who was a prolific goalscorer in the 1970s before becoming our manager briefly afterwards.

Here he is:

I was lucky enough to meet him as a kid and he signed my football programme for me. I still have it upstairs in the loft.

8.  If you could travel in a spaceship to any planet, which planet would you like to visit and why?

It would have to be a planet that supported human life and all the ones we know about, that aren’t Earth, cannot do that. I guess I would do a fly-by of Saturn because it is the prettiest but if I were to be transported to a fictional world it would probably Risa, in the Star Trek universe, which is a “pleasure planet”.

9.  When was the last time you sat in a church?

These days I only go to church for weddings and funerals, one of which is a pleasurable experience, the other being pretty damned awful (I hate funerals). The last time I sat in a church was in 2017 when my mum died. I hated it.

10.  Are there any aspects of blogging that annoy you?

From a personal point of view, I am annoyed with myself for not being as prolific as I was a few years ago. I wrote quite a few posts a year and I would like to return to that. I have had to push myself recently to try to produce more posts that are about life in general and my weird outlook on it. I like Sunday Stealing because it gives me a little push in that direction but I could really do with writing two or three posts a week that are more like essays, thoughts, etc.

I need to make a habit of it and I know that when I retire eventually I will be more inclined to do so.

11. Have you ever gone to a party and snooped in the medicine cabinet?

Never. Why would anybody ever do that?

12. Do you watch reality TV?

The only reality show that I can tolerate is the Apprentice – that’s the UK version with Alan Sugar rather than the American version with the Orange Goblin. The only reason I watch it is to see Sugar bring the egomaniacal arses that think they rule the business world, crashing down to Earth.

All other reality TV shows are awful and I would rather pull off my fingernails with rusty tweezers than watch them.

13.  How many people can you call who have known you since you were in school?

When I left school, I also left Walsall, my home town, and ended up in university at Liverpool. I never moved back and consequently lost touch with all of them over the years. There is one kid (a grown man now) that I keep in touch with via a message board that I pop onto occasionally – but that’s about it. I still keep in touch with quite a few lads from university though and we are having a reunion in September of this year.

14. Who, when, and where was your first kiss?

I kissed an Irish girl whose name I will not share – for her benefit more than mine. I remember it being very pleasant. I was about seven years old (as was she) and I discovered quite a few years ago that she had become a nurse and, at the time, lived on the south coast of England. 

15. You just got thrown out of your country.  Where do you want to become a citizen?

I am learning Spanish so I would probably opt for Spain. Although I could be tempted by France (as I speak a little French too). Both are beautiful countries and I am resisting the urge as we speak to start a massive rant about Brexit and what that scruffy half-witted, half-clown/half scarecrow who masquerades as our Prime Minister has done to my country.

I am breathing deeply and picturing bunny rabbits frolicking in a field of daisies, dear reader.

Fun

Welcome to a cloudy South Manchester on day 13 of our clown Prime Minister’s so-called freedom from Covid. I have to laugh when I see July 19th referred to as Freedom Day because I spent six days of it self-isolating even though I didn’t have any symptoms of the dreaded lurgy. The good news is that I am no longer stuck in the house – well I am in the house but I can go out whenever I choose.

Shall we answer some silly questions from Sunday Stealing? 

1. Have your ever driven drunk or even slightly buzzed?

Once but never again - I wasn't drunk but I had had a beer. 

The legal limit in the UK is 80 milligrammes of alcohol per 100 millilitres of blood, 35 micrograms per 100 millilitres of breath, or 107 milligrammes per 100 millilitres of urine. I had just finished playing football and was totally exhausted after running around for 90 minutes. The place we were playing at had a bar, so after I had showered and got changed, I joined my fellow players in the bar for a drink. I had one pint of beer and decided to drive home. The bar was about a mile away from my house so I didn’t have far to go. But as soon as I set off I could feel the effects of just that one pint and I didn’t like it at all. I drove quite slowly and carefully and was very relieved when I got home. One pint is below the legal limit so had I been pulled over and breathalysed I would have been fine. But I didn’t feel fine – and so I decided there and then not to ever do it again.

2. What was the funniest moment in your life?

There are too many to recall but as I read the question, one incident did pop into my head. 

Picture the scene. I was with a group of friends sitting in a beer garden outside in a pub on a hot summer day. One of my friends was sitting next to me drinking a pint of coke when all of a sudden, a wasp landed on his ear. This spooked him so much that he just lashed out in shock. Unfortunately, he had the almost full pint of coke in his hand and launched the entire contents over another of my friends who was sitting opposite him. There he was sitting down staring in disbelief as his previously white shirt was now brown and he looked up at the perpetrator of the crime with coke dripping from his hair and nose and said, in the most laid-back way he could – “Oh! Thanks a lot!”

We all howled with laughter. And do you know, when something tickles you so much that you simply can’t stop laughing? That happened to me – and I couldn’t stop laughing for ages. My poor mate had to sit there for another hour or so with a coke-stained shirt and his hair stuck to his face with dried sticky coke. I was still laughing when we left the pub and then again when I told people what had happened.

3. What kind of things really makes you laugh?

Lots of things make me laugh. A good comedian, a good comedy show or film and plenty of other weird and wonderful things. 

4. If you could jump into a pool full of something, what would it be?

Err … water. What else?

5. Which habit are you proudest of breaking?

I probably have broken some bad habits in the past, but what usually happens is that they come back after a while. The best thing to do is to start practicing good habits – all you need is 30 days -and they stick. I guess in theory you could try breaking a bad habit for 30 days and that would stop your habit – but that’s just a theory, Perhaps I should try it.

6. Which animal do you find the sexiest of all?

Probably this beauty.

7. What’s the weirdest nickname you’ve ever had?

I’ve had several weird nicknames. Possibly the weirdest is Scrumper, which one of my mates still calls me to this day.

8, What do you wish you were really good at?

Playing a musical instrument and speaking a foreign language.

9. If you were a dog, what kind of dog would you be?

Given the fact that if I grow my hair long it becomes an uncontrollable mess, it would be this one:

10. What’s the most spontaneous thing you’ve ever done?

I don’t tend to do things spontaneously as I am a careful risk-averse person who weighs up the pros and cons of the thing I am about to do before I actually do it. It would probably be something that I did against my better judgement, like climbing the Sydney Harbour Bridge – something that terrified me but that I did because Mrs PM persuaded me to.

11. If you had a time machine, would you go back in time or visit the future?

I would visit the future. I am a technophile and I would love to hop forward in intervals of twenty years at a time to see what technical innovations have evolved over the years. 

12. What was the last show you binge-watched?

I’ve just finished the first season of Narcos (Mexico) and am looking forward to the second. I’ve also started watching BBC’s Line of Duty which has been very popular for the past seven years but I have never watched. 

13. If you had to rename yourself, what name would you choose?

I love my first name, which is Dave. So I would probably just change my surname to something crazy for a laugh, perhaps with alliteration – something like Dave Danger.

14. What did you do during the summers when you were growing up?

We lived next to a park so I would spend a lot of time there playing various sports (football and cricket) and basically just hung around with mates. Of course we went on holiday most years too.

15. If you go to a restaurant and have terrible service, is it ever ok not to tip?

Absolutely. I live in the UK where tipping is not mandatory or expected and I usually do tip unless the service has been terrible.

10 Albums That Changed My Life

I came across an article where one of my favourite musicians listed ten albums that changed his life. I found it quite interesting and so I thought I would have a go myself.

First Album Bought

Now you have to realise that when I scrapped together enough money to buy an album for the first time, I was just fourteen years old and I was quite into the pop charts and disco music from the 1970s. I loved one song in particular and it was by Donna Summer. I walked into the music shop and saw “The Greatest Hits of Donna Summer” and it contained the song – which was “I Feel Love”, with Giorgio Moroder. The synthesizer sound was incredible and it helped develop my love of electronic pop music, something that I would get into seriously about four years later.

Album Made Me Want To Play Guitar

Sadly I can’t play guitar and by the time I decided that it was a great instrument to play, I thought it was too late. I was around sixteen years old and I got into heavy metal at a time when it provided a perfect soundtrack for the rebellious nature that was dominating my life at that time. One album stood out and it was the first heavy metal album that I bought – a live album by the British rock band UFO called “Strangers in the Night”, recorded in Chicago. Michael Schenker was the guitarist for the band and on that album is a brilliant but long song called “Rock Bottom” where he showcases his amazing talent. Here is a song called “Doctor Doctor” that also features a great guitar.

Best Album Artwork

Again in the 1970’s I bought an amazing album called “No Mean City” by a Scottish rock band called Nazareth. I played it repeatedly but one thing that really appealed to me was the album cover, which you can see below. At the time I was into horror and fantasy and the sentinel guarding the gates of the city was perfect. My mum’s reaction when she first saw it was hilarious. “What the bloody hell is that?” she said shaking her head in disgust. I just laughed and said “Isn’t it amazing?” “No!” she said emphatically. Here is the title track from the album.

Album to Be Romantic to

I like soft music when I am in the mood to be romantic but as a grizzled old rocker, such albums are few and far between. However, my taste is quite eclectic and I will select a more recent offering, an ambient pop album by Zero 7 called “When It Falls”. This album is brilliant and although it is perfect for romance, I also love listening to it when I want to just relax and escape into a calm and peaceful place. Here is a great song called Warm Sound.

Album to Break the Speed Limit to

I am a fairly sensible driver so I would probably not break the speed limit that often. However, I have been in the car listening to music and only barely realized that I have slightly popped over the limit, particularly on a motorway. I have an album in mind – “Addicted!” by Devin Townsend. It is full of driving rock songs, ideal for a long car journey. Here is the title track.

If You Ask Me What Heavy Metal is I hand you a Copy of

“Defenders of the Faith” by British Heavy Metal band Judas Priest. The lead singer hails from my home town and they have been at the forefront of Heavy Metal since the beginning. This album is one of their best. Here is “Love Bites”:

The Album that No One Will Believe I Own is 

I stand by this choice. I heard the song “That’s Not My Name” and it is such an infectious pop song that I just bought the album, which is “We Started Nothing” and the band is, of course The Ting Tings. I wasn’t disappointed because it is full of similar songs that are, quite frankly excellent.

Here is the song that started it all.

The Album I Would Have Been Proud to Have Made is

There are lots of albums in my collection that I would have loved to have made had I been a musician and there are just too many to choose from. My favourite band over the past few decades have been Rush who are sadly no more. However they have left an incredible legacy and I will always love their music. The album I shall select is “Moving Pictures” – a classic from 1981. Here is a song about a car called Red Barchetta. 

Rest in Peace Neil Peart.

The Album That I Want Played At My Funeral Is

For me, I am torn with what I would like at my funeral. Part of me wants a celebration of who I am but part of me also wants a solemn occasion of reflection. Thinking about it, I think I am going to cheat and select two. My first is the slightly more ambient one with lovely songs  “Shepherd Moons” by Enya with the incredible song Caribbean Blue, reminding me of holidays in southern Europe.

The second is a proper progressive rock album that will keep the funeral party going with some brilliant and tunes. It is my favourite album by Dream Theater and is called “Images and Words”. Some of the songs are melodic, some atmospheric and some are just rock classics. Like this one:

The Album That Should Not Be Is

There are lots of albums that should not be (including most jazz, hip-hop and country albums) but I will choose one that I actually bought and, because I hoard CD’s, will not get rid of. Don’t get me wrong – there are some good songs on it (well one or two) but I just wish I hadn’t bought it. It is of course “Rattle and Hum” by U2, and it marks, for me at least, the point where Bono’s ego grew out of control. I am sure U2 fans love it and I am certain that some U2 fans might hurl abuse at me if they come across this particular post. Nevertheless, in my opinion it is full of self-indulgence and not a patch on “The Unforgettable Fire” which is my favourite by the band. Still, here is a song I like off the album.

And Finally …

I hope you found this post interesting. It would be fun to see what albums you would put in each category so if you feel inclined, please drop me a line – or feel free to steal the idea (which admittedly I stole).