Swap Bot Part Four

Welcome to a cloudy but warm South Manchester. The sun is hiding today behind white clouds that are covering Manchester like a blanket. We may see a little later and there is the threat of rain but it is still very warm.

Last week, the Clown (aka Boris Johnson) was found guilty of misleading parliament about his antics during the Covid-19 pandemic and threw a proper hissy fit in the style of Donald Trump. He saw the report before it was publicised and promptly resigned as an MP using all manner of Trumpian rhetoric – referring to a “kangaroo court”. 

So he is no longer an MP and I dearly hope that the lying sack of potatoes never comes back into the public eye. I doubt it because his ego is as big as the planet. 

But I am glad that he has been exposed as a lying, cheating incompetent buffoon has been out of his depth for decades. 

Good riddance you useless excuse for a man.

Here is a guy called James O'Brien telling everybody what he thinks of him in a far more eloquent way that I can - and his anger is there for all to see. It's worth watching if you have ten minutes spare.

Glad to have got that off my chest. 

Shall we answer some silly questions from Sunday Stealing? 

1) What is your favourite way to spend a lazy day?

If it’s a sunny day then I will probably go for a pleasant walk somewhere and have lunch is a café or pub and then stroll home and potter about, watch some TV, sit in the garden with a book – that kind of thing.

It it’s a miserable day then I will probably just do the same but not go for the pleasant walk. 

2) What do you look forward to every week?

I look forward to Thursday at around 3:30pm when I finish work for the week. 

3) Name three pet peeves you currently have.

I’ve tried my best to avoid politics and not rant about all things political that piss me off and I am improving. I am aware that I was letting the grumpy old man inside get the better of me, allowing him to get more airtime than he should have. So I have been trying to lock him away. But occasionally certain things bring him out – like Boris Johnson. 

However, I will mention politics as a pet peeve because it has the ability to bring out the worst in me. I will take a deep breath and say that Boris Johnson in particular is a pet peeve – including his allies like Jacob Rees-Mogg – because he has now been exposed as a liar and an incompetent buffoon who should never have been Prime Minister of the UK. His antics brought about Brexit and have made the UK the laughing stock of the world as well as doing their best to damage the economy. I shall stop there because I could write an entire tome on the subject.

Pet Peeve number 2? A recent one is Shiny Happy People. Not the REM song but those that they probably wrote the song about. Those people who are all over our TV set who constantly seem to be enjoying themselves despite everything that is going on. They laugh at their own jokes (which aren’t funny) and gush over famous people as if they are from another planet. As you can guess, I don’t watch such programs.

Pet Peeve Number 3? Work. When I retire I am considering starting a new blog or at least writing a series of blog posts about the exact reasons that work pisses me off and has done for quite a few years now. All I can say is that now is not the time and a lot of people I work with are amazing and talented people who I think are incredible and who feel the same way. But there are reasons why I just want to jack it all in – and I may reveal all in the future. 

4) If you were to win an all-expense paid vacation for two weeks to anywhere in the world, where would you choose to go? What are some of the things you would like to experience while you were there?

That’s a tough question. I really want to travel around the world but you can’t fit that in in two weeks. I think I would head to the Far East and travel to places like Japan, South Korea, Taiwan and of course Hong Kong. In Japan I want to go to Osaka and Hiroshma and I would like to experience Seoul and Taipei too. My last few days would be in Hong Kong and if you are going to pay for all expenses then I will stay in The Peninsular Hotel thank you very much.

5) What was one of your favourite toys as a kid? Did you save any special things from your childhood that you still have today?

I don’t have any toys that I used to have as a kid. I gave most of them away to my cousin who has since disposed of them all. I had a lot of toys but I loved anything that allowed me to create my own little story. I had quite a few action figures, toy soldiers, figures and vehicles from shows like Thunderbirds and Captain Scarlet and I would create elaborate action stories using all manner of props. I simply got lost in the worlds I created. And I loved doing that. Part of me would like to do the same today – that imaginative child is still there. 

6) What is your favourite holiday? What is your least favourite holiday?

It is difficult to pick a favourite holiday but these are candidates:

Interrailing around Europe in 1985. 

Travelling around the United States for a month in 1989, taking in places like Washington DC, New York, New Orleans, San Francisco and Los Angeles.

Travelling around China in 1999 – the full trains, planes and automobiles experience in an incredible country, taking in Guanzhou, Chongqing, Xi’an, Beijing and Shanghai.

Working in Hong Kong for 3 months in 1999 (not really a holiday but I loved the place).

Travelling around Thailand in 2002 (ish). 

Travelling to Australia in 2005 taking in Cairns, Port Douglas, Brisbane and driving from there to Sydney over a week stopping off at various places like Byron Bay.

Traveling to Japan in 2013 taking in Tokyo, Hakone and Kyoto.

Travelling to Vietnam in 2017, taking in Hanoi, Da Nang and Ho Chi Minh City.

I could go on and I have probably missed a few of them out. 

My least favourite holiday was a trip to Thailand (Koh Samui) when it rained almost every day – massive thunderstorms that flooded the streets. We spent a lot of time in the room and when we ventured out we had to avoid getting absolutely drenched. 

7) Have you ever met anyone famous? What concerts have you attended?

I have met one or two people who are in bands that are not that famous and I have seen quite a few famous people walking around places in the general public but not had the courage to talk to them. One day I will find that courage to talk to somebody famous – just to get a photo if nothing else. 

I have been to thousands of concerts. And seen most of my favourite bands. Here are some of the biggest artists I have seen:

A-ha, AC/DC, Aerosmith, Alice Cooper, Big Country, Black Sabbath, Bruce Springsteen, Bryan Adams, Cher, Deep Purple, Def Leppard, Devin Townsend (big to me anyway), Dio, Disturbed, Dream Theater, Europe, Extreme, Faith No More, Foo Fighters, Gary Moore, Gary Numan, Ian Gillan, Guns ’N’ Roses, Iron Maiden, Joan Jett and the Blackhearts, Joe Satriani, Judas Priest, Manic Street Preachers, Marilyn Manson, Meat Loaf, Megadeth, Metallica, Motörhead, Nightwish, Nine Inch Nails, The Offspring, Orchestral Manoevres in the Dark, Ozzy Osbourne, Queen, Queens of the Stone Age, Queensrÿche, Rammstein, Riverside (big to me anyway), Rush, Slash, Status Quo, Steven Wilson (big to me anyway), Whitesnake, Within Temptation

There are many more most of which you won’t have heard of.

I will add Porcupine Tree to that list in a couple of weeks and, believe it or not ABBA. Mrs PM and I are going to London on her birthday to see the new ABBA show in London with “Abbatars” of the real band:

8) Are there any expressions that people use that really annoy you? If so, what are they?

Where do I start? 

MUST 

NOT 

RANT

Okay. Here are a few examples of words and phrases that have been abused.

Journey: “We hope you join the company on our journey to excellence”.

Like: “I was, like, about to, like, tell him, like, that he was, like, out of order, like, but he wouldn’t, like, listen”.

System: “This soap is a complete cleaning system”.

Literally: “And it was, literally, a disaster”.

Distraction (used mainly by politicians): “This Boris Johnson business is just a distraction from the job that we were elected to do”.

I could go on  …

But I won’t. 

9) Do you like your name? Are you named after anyone? Is there a story how you got your name? Would you change it if you could? If so, what name would you give yourself?

I love my name. My name is not “Plastic”; it is Dave. 

I was almost called George after my father but thankfully my mother stepped in and objected. Gerge is my middle name, which is fine. 

I don’t think I would change it though but I might be tempted to invent a new Internet Persona called Max Power for a different blog. Don’t laugh – there is a footballer in England with that name.

10) It is said that it's the little things that make life worth living. Name five of those little things in your life.

The biggest things in my life are friends and family. They are a huge part of my life so given the nature of the question they don’t count.. As for little things …

My two cats, Ziggy and Star(dust). These little creatures keep me happy and both are quite happy to cuddle up next to me while I am sitting down. It feels nice. 

Music. I have access to a huge database of music thanks to Spotify and I can listen to music whenever and wherever I want to. It calms my mood and makes me feel positive. 

A pint of beer or a cup of tea. I love both. Tea keeps me sane during the day and in the evening (at weekends mostly) a pint singles the end of the working week. 

Comedy. I guess this means anything that can make me laugh. Laughter is the best medicine and I try to do it as often as I can. 

Sunrises and sunsets – I love a good sunrise and sunset and I have loads of photos of them, some of which are actually in Manchester believe it or not. 

Scorcher

Welcome to South Manchester on a scorching Saturday afternoon. The temperature is a very pleasant 28 degrees Celsius and the sun is shining in a cloudless blue sky. I shall be popping outside later to read in the garden and relax before popping around to the neighbours for dinner and then watching the European Champions League final which features Manchester City and Inter Milan. 

Should be a good day.

I’ll start off with some silly questions from Sunday Stealing.

1. Have you tried anything new this year?

I’ve made a serious attempt at starting a novel, although this is quite tricky as I don’t write as much as I should (because of work and other distractions). I have the plot in my head and I am constantly fine tuning it. I think it works. It won’t see the light of day for a while yet though because I am my own worst critic. I probably need to retire before attacking it with gusto. 

2. What would you do if you didn’t have Wifi for a week?

I would probably write the novel because I wouldn’t be able to do my day job. I have a virtual server on my work laptop so in theory I could actually do some work; it would mean that I wouldn’t be doing my job properly. 

As far as social media and the internet are concerned, I could easily live without that for a week. In fact, perhaps I should do just that sometimes. The amount of time people waste on social media is a lot – and that is sad – but I am as guilty as everybody else (before anybody calls me a hypocrite – which, of course, I am). 

3. Do you like summer, why or why not?

I adore the summer. It is my favourite season. We get rain but it is warm and sunny usually (like today). We don’t get snow, ice and darkness. We are approaching the longest day of the year and I love going to bed as the sun is setting – I wish it was like this all year round. Sadly, I do wake up early though (sometimes as early as 4am) because the sun rises at that time. 

4. What’s one restaurant that you like in your city? What food do they sell?

I like a lot of restaurants in Manchester. One of my favourites is the Yang Sing (and it’s sister restaurant The Little Yang Sing). They sell Chinese food and it is wonderful.

5. Do you prefer digital book or real paper book?

I prefer a digital book these days because it is much easier to take a Kindle on holiday loaded with numerous novels, rather than wasting luggage space with paperback books. I know that people prefer the look, feel and smell of a real book, but sadly their days are numbered. Being able to instantly download a novel is brilliant and that is the future. 

6. What’s one thing that you are interested to buy, but it’s a bit expensive, so you haven’t bought yet?

A smart watch. I have a cheap one but the good ones cost hundreds of pounds and at the moment I simply cannot justify its use. It would be a waste of money. The problem is I love gadgets and the urge to have a new one is clouding my judgement when it comes to smartwatches. Maybe I will get one – but not yet. 

7. What tea brands do you like?

I buy Yorkshire Tea which is what foreigners would call English Breakfast tea but quite strong. Sometimes I have Typhoo or PG Tips too. 

I have had “English Breakfast tea” in many countries but they just don’t do it correctly. The only place I have had it that is as good as the UK is Australia. 

I am not a fan of “fancy” teas like Earl Grey. Once you have tasted the delights of a good strong cuppa, all other teas simply cannot live up to the taste.

8. What’s one food that you can binge eat a lot?

Cheese. I love cheese so much that I try to limit my consumption of it. 

9. Write one random thing that happened to you this month.

I don’t know whether it is random or not but I have decided on the exact date that I will retire. I will spill the beans closer to the time as I don’t want the date in the public domain yet.

10. How many long-term penpals do you have right now? (people who pen pal with you for more than 3 years)

I don’t have any pen-pals. I had a couple when I was a kid but it’s not something I continued into adulthood.

11. If you were to own a small food trailer, what food would you want to sell?

It would have to be something I could cook easily. It would probably be an English breakfast, burgers or pasta – or possibly all three. 

12. What’s one handmade gift that you received and really liked ?

My youngest sister makes lanterns and she has sent a couple to me over the years. She is far more artistic than I am.

13. What’s your ideal Saturday like?

If I am home …

Wake up without  the alarm and go for a five mile walk. Come home, shower and have a full English breakfast. Potter around for the rest of the morning doing my daily duties and then keep an eye on the football scores. Go out in the evening with friends or just with Mrs PM and then return home to watch Match of the Day before going back to bed. 

A simple day but very pleasant.

If I am away – then basically be a tourist for the day. 

14. What things do you like to buy on Etsy?

I have never bought anything on Etsy and. Looking at the web site, I probably would never buy anything on Etsy.

15. What kind Asian food do you like?

The only Asian food that I dislike is Thai food. That said, I have found some Thai food that I can tolerate but generally I avoid it. All of the other Asian food I have tried is amazing. If I had to make a choice it would be Chinese or Indian.

Pencil Pals

Welcome to a beautiful sunny day in South Manchester. I’ve got a busy day ahead of me. Today is the F A Cup final which sees Manchester City and Manchester United play each other at Wembley in London – the first time the two Manchester teams have met in a final. And there is a train strike so who knows how the fans will get down to London. 

I support neither team but I shall be watching it on TV in just under three hours’ time with my next door neighbour before we have a barbecue with them after the game. 

In the meantime shall we answer some silly questions from Sunday Stealing? 

1. What are your plans for June

It’s my eldest son’s thirtieth birthday in a couple of days, which makes me feel really old. We will be having a big family birthday meal later in the month. Also, we are going across the country to visit the small Yorkshire seaside resort of Whitby for a weekend. Towards the end of the month I am going to see one of my favourite bands in an open air gig in the centre of Manchester. The band is Porcupine Tree:

And right at the end of the month (well on July 1st) we are going away to Croatia for a week. 

Not that busy a month really but busy enough. 

2. Your mid-year resolutions or goals

They are the same as they were at the start of 2023. So far I am maintaining my habits; learning Spanish, writing every day, learning the piano etc. Nothing new will be added until the end of the year when I decide what I am going to do in 2024.

3. Are you good at taking care of plants

I hate gardening. When I was a kid, my dad was a very keen gardener and he roped my sisters and I into helping him tend to all the plants and vegetables in the garden. It turned me against looking after plants. I leave that to Mrs PM and she is quite happy to do it. However, I do help her when something heavy needs to be done. 

4. What makes you feel nourished

Food generally. 

5. Which animals do you see most in your area

Apart from cats and dogs, there is a variety of wildlife in the area. In the early morning I sometimes see urban foxes trotting around the streets. There are thousands of squirrels in the local parks and we sometimes see things like hedgehogs. There are thousands of birds around, magpies, crows, sparrows, robins etc. And of course this time of year loads of insects.

6. Books on your summer reading list

I’ve just bought “Harry Potter y la piedra filosofal” (Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone in Spanish) in an attempt to try to improve my Spanish that little bit more. I’ve read the English version of course so it will help knowing the story. 

I’ve just read a Stephen King book called “The Institute” and next on the list is a Dean Koontz novel called “The Big Dark Sky”. I also have a couple of space operas on the list but I haven’t bought them yet. 

7. Projects you want to tackle this summer

We are redecorating the back room downstairs (the room from which I am typing this). We have been gradually rearranging the house to accommodate this and make the room more modern. I was going to turn the back room upstairs into a man-cave but I have decided to use the back room downstairs for this purpose. We are also sorting out our weather-proof outhouse in order to make the most of  the space available and we are going to board up the loft to make it more usable (we hardly use it at the moment). 

So a lot of work on the house to do.

8. Do you have weddings, graduations, summer celebrations.

There are no weddings or graduations planned at all. For summer celebrations, I mentioned the stuff in June, we have a holiday to Dubrovnik, Croatia in July, as well as a couple of cricket matches. In August there is more cricket and we are going to London in August for Mrs PM’s birthday to see the Abba avatar concert and also spend a day as tourists. That’s about it – but we are travelling to Sicily in September too – I just hope that Mount Etna doesn’t erupt when we are there. 

9. Which summer snacks are you excited to enjoy again

We will have a couple of barbecues I reckon – I associate those with summer. Not sure what else there is, though I do like the odd ice cream and ice lolly. 

10. How much time do you like to take for vacations

I like to take as much as possible. If I could I would spend far more time travelling around and maybe I will when I retire. A couple of weeks away and a couple of weekends will suffice for now. This year I have been abroad three times already with another two definitely planned and hopefully a cheeky city break in the Autumn. 

11. How much has changed since last summer?

Not a lot really. I’m a year older. 

12. Something that would be out of character for you.

Doing anything crazily adventurous. I am quite a risk averse person. I have done some adventurous things like climbing Australian bridges and trying to conquer my fear of heights by going to the top of huge skyscrapers – but that is all over now. I have vowed never to do anything that stupid again. 

Please- if I ever consider it, just slap me and tell me not to be so idiotic!

13. What do you miss about winter?

Nothing. I hate winter. Actually, I quite like the build up to Christmas and New Year but the rest of it is bloody awful.

14. Your favourite free / cost effective ways to have fun

A good long walk is a great way to have a little fun and enjoy some scenery. 

15. Who do you trust most to house & pet sit

We have a cat/house sitter who is amazing. She is a Russian lady who has lived in the UK for over 20 years and adores cats. When we are away, she sends us videos of the cats and she plays with them, feeds them and keeps them company, as well as turning on lights, closing curtains etc. to make sure that people think there is somebody home. Occasionally she speaks to the cats in Russian which sounds hilarious. 

Even More Miscellaneous Questions

Welcome to a beautiful sunny day in South Manchester. The forecast for the next week is brilliant – sunshine and cloudless skies. 

I enjoyed a reunion with three of my best friends from university last weekend in Amsterdam and it was amazing to catch up with them. We had a lot of fun and it was like being transported back forty or so years. 

It’s been a good week; yesterday I went to horse racing at Haydock Park and actually made a profit instead of a loss. I’m not really a gambler but betting is fun if you realise that you are more likely to lose than win and if you are careful and stick to the same size bet for each race even if you win. 

Shall we answer some more silly questions from Sunday Stealing? 

1. Do you go in at a fast food place or just hit the drive through?

I rarely go to fast food places. The one I am most likely to go to is the local fish and chip shop and, because of the pandemic, I am most likely to just order the food online and get it delivered. We have drive throughs in the UK but not that many. The only ones near to where I live are both McDonalds and I haven’t been there for years. I guess the answer to this question, even though it wasn’t an option, is that I am most likely to just order online.

2. Have you ever lost anything down a toilet? 

No, but I know of people who have dropped their phones down the toilet and effectively rendered them useless as a result (which counts as a loss I guess). Most new phones are waterproof so I think now your phone would recover if you were clumsy enough to drop it into the pan.

3. Do you have a dog?

No I don’t; I have two cats. As a child I had three dogs, one of which lived until the ripe old age of 21. He was a lovely friendly little mongrel who was called Paddy. The poor thing went blind and died long after I had left home to move to Manchester. I think it’s unlikely now that I will ever get a dog. I do love them though and I know that generally dogs tend to like me too. 

4.  Ever go camping? 

I’ve only camped once and that was in a friend’s back garden as a child. It was a novel experience but I was quite cold during the night even though it was in the middle of summer. Mrs PM hates camping so again it is highly unlikely that I will ever do it again.

5. Have you met anyone famous? 

I have spoken to a couple of band members of rock bands, most notably the guys from Thunder, a good old British rock band. I have certainly seen a lot of famous people. Of course when you go to a gig you are there to see them in the flesh. Outside of gigs though, I have bumped into a few famous people in Manchester in various places, at airports, in the street etc. 

I would only speak to them if they invited me too, that is if they were specifically there to sign an autograph or something like that. I once found myself on a flight with a breakfast TV presenter sitting next to me but I appreciated that he wanted to fly home in peace and not have a pillock like me pestering him while the plane flew home. 

Besides, I am guilty of being starstruck sometimes and I think if I met a famous actor I would probably be too scared to say anything to them.

6. Any plans today?

I’ve been catching up on household chores and also spent a couple of hours in the garden enjoying the weather. I have a couple more things to do, and then Mrs PM and I will probably return to the garden later this afternoon and have a beer or two while enjoying the last of the weather. I love this time of year because it doesn’t get dark until after 9pm. 

7. Are you happy? 

I am delighted. The only thing that ruins my days is work and now that only happens four times a week. Also, the next four months are my favourite of the year and I am looking forward to having fun, travelling and just being a happy chap. Life is good at the moment.

8. Where are you right now? 

I am sitting in my back room at my desk, typing this blog post.

9. Biggest annoyance in your life right now? 

Work. I am still debating what to do about retirement, whether to stick to my plan or just bring it forward. The next couple of months will be crucial to help me make a choice. 

10. Last song listened to? 

This:

11. Last movie you saw? 

I think it was John Wick Chapter 3: Parabellum. 

It’s very violent and also you have to switch off your brain while watching it. But it is tremendous fun and I am looking forward to seeing Chapter 4.

12. Are you allergic to anything? 

Yes – whatever pollen is around in June. I have suffered from hay fever all my life but my resistance has built up over the years so that I don’t have to take any medication for it any more. Unfortunately, sometimes, I still end up with itchy eyes and sneeze a bit during the month of June. I love summer but June can be annoying sometimes because of my allergic reaction. 

13. Favourite pair of shoes you wear all the time?

I have a pair of trainers that I usually wear when out and about (that’s sneakers to my American friends). They are comfortable when pottering around. However, if I go for a longer walk (say my daily four mile walk) I wear a stronger and more resilient pair of walking boots that are also very comfortable.

14. What do you think of when you think of Australia?

I love Australia and Australians in general. 

My immediate thought is that I am looking forward to spending a day at Old Trafford in Manchester later this year watching England, hopefully, beat Australia at cricket. 

My secondary though is casting my mind back to 2005 when I visited that amazing country. We had a great time and for those that have never been, you would enjoy it immensely. The people are like British people with perhaps a less reserved outlook on life. I was in Hong Kong once when England had won the Ashes and found myself in a lift full of Aussies. 

“Good result in the cricket, eh?” I said (I couldn’t help myself). 

“Oh no! said one woman. "Just what we need – a BLODDY POM!”

It was all good fun and we were chatting happily until we reached our destinations. I would love to go back there – and it may well happen in future (though I can’t promise). I was a bit concerned when I visited the country because they have the most venomous spiders and snakes down there as well as crocodiles. But the people are brilliant and the friendly rivalry between our nations is amazing.

I won’t forget the guide who took me up the Sydney Harbour Bridge. It was a scary experience for me but he was a funny guy. In our group there was Mrs PM and myself (two Brits – or “Poms” as they call us), a Japanese couple, about four Aussies and two Americans. After he had asked us where we came from (and called Mrs PM and I “Poms” – which puzzled the Americans), he said:

“So we have two Poms, four Aussies, two people from Japan and two Americans” and then he said to everyone but the two Americans:

“Sorry about the Americans, guys!”

We all laughed, including the Americans – and then one said to the other – “Did he just insult us?” which made us all laugh even more. 

We share that same sense of humour – and I don’t mind being called a “Pom” or being the butt of an Aussie joke – after all, we give as good as we get.

One day I will find out what Pom really means. There’s a lot of speculation and some are more believable than others.

15. Do you use smiley faces on the computer a lot?

I use a smiley face in a lot of my emails to send across my best wishes to whoever the recipient is, be it a colleague or a manager. I think they help to reinforce a friendly tone to an email and I would encourage people to do it. Sometimes people can get the wrong “vibe” and a smiley or a winking emoticon can help to lighten the mood for even serious mails.

Book of Questions

Welcome to a rainy South Manchester on a Friday, the day I don’t work now that I am part time. I’m posting this early because tomorrow I am off to Amsterdam in the Netherlands for a university reunion with a couple of guys I have known for almost 40 years. I love Amsterdam and have been there countless times, mostly working but also for a city break. In fact, Amsterdam was the very first city I visited abroad, back at the tender age of 19. 

Shall we answer some silly questions from Sunday Stealing? 

1. When you tell a story, do you often exaggerate?

I sometimes exaggerate – mainly for comedic effect, to make the story more interesting than it actually was. I rarely do that on this blog though. The stories I have told in the past actually did happen – well I might have exaggerating a teeny little bit.

2. If a friend were almost always late, would you resent it or simply allow for it?

I usually allow for it. Mrs PM is not the most punctual person on the planet so I have adjusted for that. 

3. Can you be counted on to be on time?

Absolutely. If anything I prefer to be early.

4. When did you last yell at someone?  Why?

I don’t yell at people very often – I’m not that kind of person; I’m more laid back about things. I usually moan rather than yell at people. I can’t recall when I last yelled if I’m honest. I have a feeling it might have been Ziggy for being too aggressive with Star when they were “play” fighting. He is a much bigger cat than she is and he doesn’t know his own strength. She sometimes gives as good as she gets though.

5. If you could have free, unlimited service for five years from an extremely good cook, chauffeur, housekeeper, masseuse, or personal secretary, which would you choose?

I would choose a cook and a chauffeur. I hate cooking and driving. 

6. Would you be willing to go to a slaughterhouse and kill a cow?  Do you eat meat?

I do eat meat but I am not prepared to kill any animal myself. I can understand why some people are vegetarians but I love meat too much. The thought of actually killing a creature turns my stomach. 

7. Do you feel ill at ease going alone to either dinner or a movie?  What about going on a vacation by yourself?

I prefer being with people but I have no problem going to places alone. Sometimes, when I have been asked to go abroad with work, I have been on my own and therefore had to entertain myself. I have eaten alone in restaurants in a lot of foreign places, including Hong Kong, Moscow and Beijing. I have been to the movies on my own countless times and even been to a couple of gigs on my own too. Most recently I went to see my current favourite band, Riverside, on my own because the guys I usually go to gigs with don’t really like them. In fact I am also going on my own to see Porcupine Tree in June. 

Talking of the Riverside gig, I found a video on YouTube that somebody had posted from the gig I was at when they played a song called “Friend or Foe?”. If you watch the video between 57 seconds and 1 minute 2 seconds, you can see the Plastic Mancunian nodding his head in time to the music. 

8. Would you like to be famous?  In what way?

I wouldn’t really like to be famous if I’m honest. I value my privacy too much. That said, I wouldn’t mind being a famous author, writing under a pseudonym. I would probably call myself something silly like Ned Bogus or Dirk Prawn.  

9. Would you rather play a game with someone more or less talented than you?  

I would quite like to play with somebody slightly better than I am so that it was more of a challenge. 

10. Is there something you've dreamed of doing for a long time?  Why haven't you done it?

Oh yes. I have dreamed of being a writer (as I said above) and also a musician (not necessarily a famous one). Why haven’t I done it? Time, I guess. However I am learning to play the piano, one of the perks of being part time, and also I have started a novel. I doubt whether these things will reach their full potential but they are fun to try and I like to think of them both as ongoing projects. 

There are also a lot of countries I want to visit and the reason I haven’t been to them is time and money. But they are still on my list so I never say never.

11. If you were at a friend's house for Thanksgiving dinner and found a dead cockroach in your salad, what would you do?

I would eat it.

Only kidding.

I doubt I will ever go to a Thanksgiving dinner because it is only celebrated in the United States. Again, I would never say never because you never know. If I found a dead cockroach in my salad I would probably take the host aside and point it out to them without alerting anyone else. 

12. Would you accept $10,000 to shave your head and continue your normal activities sans hat or wig without explaining the reason for your haircut?

Yes. I have a full head of hair and I have often thought about what I would look like as a bald man. For $10,000 I would definitely do it. My hair will grow back of course. Don’t tell Mrs PM though. 

13. If you were able to wake up tomorrow in the body of someone else, would you do so?  Whom would you pick?

I would only do it if it were temporary. I would probably pick a famous person just to see how the other lives for a day – preferably a rock singer who has a magnificent voice. 

14. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

I come from a working class background and while my parents always looked after us well, it would have been nice to live in a bigger house with more available money. I would probably change it so that my parents were wealthier. 

15. What, if anything, is  too serious to be joked about?

There are too many things that I wouldn’t ever joke about for fear of upsetting or offending people. I can’t put my finger on just one.

More Miscellaneous Questions

Welcome to a warm and sunny South Manchester afternoon where the weather is very pleasant. I can feel summer approaching. 

Let’s dive straight in with some silly questions from Sunday Stealing. 

1. What is in the back seat of your car right now? 

There is nothing in the back seat of my car right now. 

2. When was the last time you threw up?

I can’t recall the last time I threw up. I had a bit of a tummy bug a couple of weeks ago that forced me to miss a concert and I felt a little nauseous for a day or so. I don’t know what caused it. I don’t think it was something I ate because Mrs PM was absolutely fine. I must have picked up something from work. 

3. What's your favourite word or phrase? 

I have lots of favourite words and phrases that have made me chuckle over the years. Ones that make me chuckle most are words that mean “drunk”. We have so many of them in the UK (as we are a nation of drinkers it has to be said). Here are a few of my favourites.

Kaylied, rat-arsed, shit-faced, hammered, smashed, plastered, wearing your beer-goggles, pissed, sloshed, squiffy, steaming, wrecked, blitzed, bladdered, pickled, paralytic, mullered, bevvied, pie-eyed.

Out of all of those I think my favourite has to be rat-arsed.

4. Name 3 people who made you smile today? 

Mrs PM always makes me smile. 

On my walk a little toddler ran into me and made me smile, as did her mother when she apologised to me. 

5. What were you doing at 8 am this morning?

I was learning some Spanish while drinking a cup of tea in bed. 

6. What were you doing 30 minutes ago?

I was making a cup of tea, ready to settle down and do some freewriting followed by this blog post.

7. What would constitute the perfect evening for you?

My perfect evening entails listening to some music while getting ready to go out, meeting some friends in a pub for a chat and a beer or two before heading off to a good restaurant with them for a lovely meal. Afterwards, return home and watch a little TV with a glass of water before retiring for the night. 

8. Have you ever been to a strip club? 

Yes I have. 

The only times have involved a “stag do”, or as Americans call them, Batchelor Parties. I always find them hilarious places and spend my time standing at the bar, talking to other guys who don’t really want to be there while at the same time avoiding the girls who want “a dance” and also laughing at the lads who are having “a dance”.

I was once told off by one of the girls who was “dancing” with a mate of mine on a “stag do”.

“Will you stop laughing? I’m trying to be sexy!”

That says it all. I haven’t been in one of those places for about 25 years.

9. What is the last thing you said aloud?

I actually said these words to Mrs PM:

“Is Star terrorising next door’s dog again?”

Star, the smaller and braver of my cats, loves winding up next door’s dog, a cute little cockapoo, by sitting on next door’s shed and staring at the dog just out of her reach. It’s funny to watch. 

10. What is the best ice cream flavour? 

I don’t eat much ice cream if I am honest but I do like Häagen-Dazs chocolate chip and cookie dough.

11. What was the last thing you had to drink?

The cup of tea I told you about earlier. 

12. What are you wearing right now?

I am wearing a pale blue polo shirt and jeans. Oh and underwear and socks of course. Oh, and my glasses.

13. What was the last thing you ate? 

I had a bacon and mushroom omelette and some toast for breakfast.

14. Have you bought any new clothing items this week? 

No I haven’t. But I do need to replenish my wardrobe for summer, so I shall probably buy some more polo shirts, shorts and possibly some chinos and jeans within the next few days. 

15. When was the last time you ran?

This morning. I ran to cross a main road while I was on my morning walk. 

Songs

Welcome to a cloudy South Manchester with a hint of sunshine and enough heat to require a summer coat to be worn. I am writing this on a day when once again the United Kingdom has gone mad. As I speak, a man in London is sitting in a church waiting for a vicar to place an expensive and very heavy hat on his head.

Yes – today is the coronation of King Charles III, a man who a lot of people in the country expect me to respect and bow my head to if I am ever “fortunate” enough to find myself in his presence. I can’t even call him “Charlie-boy” any more in their eyes (this is what I have called him since I first heard about him all those years ago). 

Apparently I am supposed to refer to him as “His Majesty”.

That will never happen. 

I am doing my best to avoid people who are wetting themselves over today’s pomp and ceremony but I will be travelling to Manchester city centre later and I will almost certainly encounter Royalists who expect me to gush over Charlie-boy. 

I will just smile and ignore them.

Anyway, enough moaning – shall we answer some silly questions from Sunday Stealing and put this madness behind us? 

1. A song with a food name.

Back in 1981, Godley and Creme released an album called “Ismism” and on that album is a funny song about a man who is so fat that the he had to have his jaws wired together to avoid eating food, meaning that he can only eat soup through a straw. The poor man dreams about eating food.

The lyrics are quite amusing. Here is an excerpt:

Armies of food invade my sleep

Led by lasagnas ten inches deep

My head is pounding my heart is beating

Cows are mooing sheep are bleating

I'm being haunted by all the meat I've eaten

The song is called “Snack Attack”:

2  A song with an animal in it

Let’s stay in the 1980’s for this one. One of my favourite pop bands from that era – A-ha with “Cry Wolf”:

3  A song about a bird

Let’s move back a decade to the 1970’s for this one. This is one of my favourite songs by the Swedish megastars that are Abba. I don’t believe in the phrase “guilty pleasure” and as a lover of progressive rock and heavy metal people wouldn’t expect me to like them. They are not a “guilty pleasure” – I was genuinely a fan of the band in the 1970’s and I still am. 

Here is “Eagle”, one of my favourite songs by the band:

4  A song about a dog

Back to the 1980’s. Here is Adam and the Ants with “Dog Eat Dog”:

5  A song mentioning a cat

Staying with the 1980’s, another of my favourite artists, the legendary David Bowie with “Cat People (Putting Out Fire)”:

6  A song listing a character from Wizard of Oz

Believe it or not, Aerosmith use excerpts from the Wizard of Oz right at the start of “The Farm” and also at the end. Listen carefully:

7  A late night driving song

This song is actually about driving through Japan at night (as the first line of the lyrics confirm). It is called “Night” and is by the legendary Devin Townsend:

8  A song from a movie

Rammstein featured in the movie “XXX” starring Vin Diesel, right at the start of the film.

It's called "Feuer Frei" and here it is:

9  A guilty pleasure song

As I said, I don’t believe in “guilty pleasures”. I can imagine how somebody might think that this is a guilty pleasure – it’s not. I love it. 

This is Robyn and “With Every Heartbeat”:

10 A song about friends

A classic from 1979 by Gary Numan-  “Are Friends Electric?”:

11 A song that is about summertime

Joe Satriani – “Summer Song”. The name says it all:

12 A song that needs to be played more on the radio

I’m a huge fan of a band called Riverside from Poland and they deserve more time on the radio. Mind you, I don’t listen to the radio these days.

Here is “Friend or Foe?”:

13 A song about drugs or alcohol

This is Ginger Wildheart with “Drinking in the Daytime”.

14 A song you would sing at karaoke

I’ll do better than that. This is the ONLY song I have ever sung at karaoke and I will never ever sing a song at karaoke again. Deep Purple” – Smoke on the Water:

15 A song from year you were born in

A very silly song called “Right Said Fred” from comedy actor Bernard Cribbins. It’s very British and very very silly - a bit like the state the country is in today.