Even More Miscellaneous Questions

Welcome to a beautiful sunny day in South Manchester. The forecast for the next week is brilliant – sunshine and cloudless skies. 

I enjoyed a reunion with three of my best friends from university last weekend in Amsterdam and it was amazing to catch up with them. We had a lot of fun and it was like being transported back forty or so years. 

It’s been a good week; yesterday I went to horse racing at Haydock Park and actually made a profit instead of a loss. I’m not really a gambler but betting is fun if you realise that you are more likely to lose than win and if you are careful and stick to the same size bet for each race even if you win. 

Shall we answer some more silly questions from Sunday Stealing? 

1. Do you go in at a fast food place or just hit the drive through?

I rarely go to fast food places. The one I am most likely to go to is the local fish and chip shop and, because of the pandemic, I am most likely to just order the food online and get it delivered. We have drive throughs in the UK but not that many. The only ones near to where I live are both McDonalds and I haven’t been there for years. I guess the answer to this question, even though it wasn’t an option, is that I am most likely to just order online.

2. Have you ever lost anything down a toilet? 

No, but I know of people who have dropped their phones down the toilet and effectively rendered them useless as a result (which counts as a loss I guess). Most new phones are waterproof so I think now your phone would recover if you were clumsy enough to drop it into the pan.

3. Do you have a dog?

No I don’t; I have two cats. As a child I had three dogs, one of which lived until the ripe old age of 21. He was a lovely friendly little mongrel who was called Paddy. The poor thing went blind and died long after I had left home to move to Manchester. I think it’s unlikely now that I will ever get a dog. I do love them though and I know that generally dogs tend to like me too. 

4.  Ever go camping? 

I’ve only camped once and that was in a friend’s back garden as a child. It was a novel experience but I was quite cold during the night even though it was in the middle of summer. Mrs PM hates camping so again it is highly unlikely that I will ever do it again.

5. Have you met anyone famous? 

I have spoken to a couple of band members of rock bands, most notably the guys from Thunder, a good old British rock band. I have certainly seen a lot of famous people. Of course when you go to a gig you are there to see them in the flesh. Outside of gigs though, I have bumped into a few famous people in Manchester in various places, at airports, in the street etc. 

I would only speak to them if they invited me too, that is if they were specifically there to sign an autograph or something like that. I once found myself on a flight with a breakfast TV presenter sitting next to me but I appreciated that he wanted to fly home in peace and not have a pillock like me pestering him while the plane flew home. 

Besides, I am guilty of being starstruck sometimes and I think if I met a famous actor I would probably be too scared to say anything to them.

6. Any plans today?

I’ve been catching up on household chores and also spent a couple of hours in the garden enjoying the weather. I have a couple more things to do, and then Mrs PM and I will probably return to the garden later this afternoon and have a beer or two while enjoying the last of the weather. I love this time of year because it doesn’t get dark until after 9pm. 

7. Are you happy? 

I am delighted. The only thing that ruins my days is work and now that only happens four times a week. Also, the next four months are my favourite of the year and I am looking forward to having fun, travelling and just being a happy chap. Life is good at the moment.

8. Where are you right now? 

I am sitting in my back room at my desk, typing this blog post.

9. Biggest annoyance in your life right now? 

Work. I am still debating what to do about retirement, whether to stick to my plan or just bring it forward. The next couple of months will be crucial to help me make a choice. 

10. Last song listened to? 

This:

11. Last movie you saw? 

I think it was John Wick Chapter 3: Parabellum. 

It’s very violent and also you have to switch off your brain while watching it. But it is tremendous fun and I am looking forward to seeing Chapter 4.

12. Are you allergic to anything? 

Yes – whatever pollen is around in June. I have suffered from hay fever all my life but my resistance has built up over the years so that I don’t have to take any medication for it any more. Unfortunately, sometimes, I still end up with itchy eyes and sneeze a bit during the month of June. I love summer but June can be annoying sometimes because of my allergic reaction. 

13. Favourite pair of shoes you wear all the time?

I have a pair of trainers that I usually wear when out and about (that’s sneakers to my American friends). They are comfortable when pottering around. However, if I go for a longer walk (say my daily four mile walk) I wear a stronger and more resilient pair of walking boots that are also very comfortable.

14. What do you think of when you think of Australia?

I love Australia and Australians in general. 

My immediate thought is that I am looking forward to spending a day at Old Trafford in Manchester later this year watching England, hopefully, beat Australia at cricket. 

My secondary though is casting my mind back to 2005 when I visited that amazing country. We had a great time and for those that have never been, you would enjoy it immensely. The people are like British people with perhaps a less reserved outlook on life. I was in Hong Kong once when England had won the Ashes and found myself in a lift full of Aussies. 

“Good result in the cricket, eh?” I said (I couldn’t help myself). 

“Oh no! said one woman. "Just what we need – a BLODDY POM!”

It was all good fun and we were chatting happily until we reached our destinations. I would love to go back there – and it may well happen in future (though I can’t promise). I was a bit concerned when I visited the country because they have the most venomous spiders and snakes down there as well as crocodiles. But the people are brilliant and the friendly rivalry between our nations is amazing.

I won’t forget the guide who took me up the Sydney Harbour Bridge. It was a scary experience for me but he was a funny guy. In our group there was Mrs PM and myself (two Brits – or “Poms” as they call us), a Japanese couple, about four Aussies and two Americans. After he had asked us where we came from (and called Mrs PM and I “Poms” – which puzzled the Americans), he said:

“So we have two Poms, four Aussies, two people from Japan and two Americans” and then he said to everyone but the two Americans:

“Sorry about the Americans, guys!”

We all laughed, including the Americans – and then one said to the other – “Did he just insult us?” which made us all laugh even more. 

We share that same sense of humour – and I don’t mind being called a “Pom” or being the butt of an Aussie joke – after all, we give as good as we get.

One day I will find out what Pom really means. There’s a lot of speculation and some are more believable than others.

15. Do you use smiley faces on the computer a lot?

I use a smiley face in a lot of my emails to send across my best wishes to whoever the recipient is, be it a colleague or a manager. I think they help to reinforce a friendly tone to an email and I would encourage people to do it. Sometimes people can get the wrong “vibe” and a smiley or a winking emoticon can help to lighten the mood for even serious mails.

Book of Questions

Welcome to a rainy South Manchester on a Friday, the day I don’t work now that I am part time. I’m posting this early because tomorrow I am off to Amsterdam in the Netherlands for a university reunion with a couple of guys I have known for almost 40 years. I love Amsterdam and have been there countless times, mostly working but also for a city break. In fact, Amsterdam was the very first city I visited abroad, back at the tender age of 19. 

Shall we answer some silly questions from Sunday Stealing? 

1. When you tell a story, do you often exaggerate?

I sometimes exaggerate – mainly for comedic effect, to make the story more interesting than it actually was. I rarely do that on this blog though. The stories I have told in the past actually did happen – well I might have exaggerating a teeny little bit.

2. If a friend were almost always late, would you resent it or simply allow for it?

I usually allow for it. Mrs PM is not the most punctual person on the planet so I have adjusted for that. 

3. Can you be counted on to be on time?

Absolutely. If anything I prefer to be early.

4. When did you last yell at someone?  Why?

I don’t yell at people very often – I’m not that kind of person; I’m more laid back about things. I usually moan rather than yell at people. I can’t recall when I last yelled if I’m honest. I have a feeling it might have been Ziggy for being too aggressive with Star when they were “play” fighting. He is a much bigger cat than she is and he doesn’t know his own strength. She sometimes gives as good as she gets though.

5. If you could have free, unlimited service for five years from an extremely good cook, chauffeur, housekeeper, masseuse, or personal secretary, which would you choose?

I would choose a cook and a chauffeur. I hate cooking and driving. 

6. Would you be willing to go to a slaughterhouse and kill a cow?  Do you eat meat?

I do eat meat but I am not prepared to kill any animal myself. I can understand why some people are vegetarians but I love meat too much. The thought of actually killing a creature turns my stomach. 

7. Do you feel ill at ease going alone to either dinner or a movie?  What about going on a vacation by yourself?

I prefer being with people but I have no problem going to places alone. Sometimes, when I have been asked to go abroad with work, I have been on my own and therefore had to entertain myself. I have eaten alone in restaurants in a lot of foreign places, including Hong Kong, Moscow and Beijing. I have been to the movies on my own countless times and even been to a couple of gigs on my own too. Most recently I went to see my current favourite band, Riverside, on my own because the guys I usually go to gigs with don’t really like them. In fact I am also going on my own to see Porcupine Tree in June. 

Talking of the Riverside gig, I found a video on YouTube that somebody had posted from the gig I was at when they played a song called “Friend or Foe?”. If you watch the video between 57 seconds and 1 minute 2 seconds, you can see the Plastic Mancunian nodding his head in time to the music. 

8. Would you like to be famous?  In what way?

I wouldn’t really like to be famous if I’m honest. I value my privacy too much. That said, I wouldn’t mind being a famous author, writing under a pseudonym. I would probably call myself something silly like Ned Bogus or Dirk Prawn.  

9. Would you rather play a game with someone more or less talented than you?  

I would quite like to play with somebody slightly better than I am so that it was more of a challenge. 

10. Is there something you've dreamed of doing for a long time?  Why haven't you done it?

Oh yes. I have dreamed of being a writer (as I said above) and also a musician (not necessarily a famous one). Why haven’t I done it? Time, I guess. However I am learning to play the piano, one of the perks of being part time, and also I have started a novel. I doubt whether these things will reach their full potential but they are fun to try and I like to think of them both as ongoing projects. 

There are also a lot of countries I want to visit and the reason I haven’t been to them is time and money. But they are still on my list so I never say never.

11. If you were at a friend's house for Thanksgiving dinner and found a dead cockroach in your salad, what would you do?

I would eat it.

Only kidding.

I doubt I will ever go to a Thanksgiving dinner because it is only celebrated in the United States. Again, I would never say never because you never know. If I found a dead cockroach in my salad I would probably take the host aside and point it out to them without alerting anyone else. 

12. Would you accept $10,000 to shave your head and continue your normal activities sans hat or wig without explaining the reason for your haircut?

Yes. I have a full head of hair and I have often thought about what I would look like as a bald man. For $10,000 I would definitely do it. My hair will grow back of course. Don’t tell Mrs PM though. 

13. If you were able to wake up tomorrow in the body of someone else, would you do so?  Whom would you pick?

I would only do it if it were temporary. I would probably pick a famous person just to see how the other lives for a day – preferably a rock singer who has a magnificent voice. 

14. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

I come from a working class background and while my parents always looked after us well, it would have been nice to live in a bigger house with more available money. I would probably change it so that my parents were wealthier. 

15. What, if anything, is  too serious to be joked about?

There are too many things that I wouldn’t ever joke about for fear of upsetting or offending people. I can’t put my finger on just one.

More Miscellaneous Questions

Welcome to a warm and sunny South Manchester afternoon where the weather is very pleasant. I can feel summer approaching. 

Let’s dive straight in with some silly questions from Sunday Stealing. 

1. What is in the back seat of your car right now? 

There is nothing in the back seat of my car right now. 

2. When was the last time you threw up?

I can’t recall the last time I threw up. I had a bit of a tummy bug a couple of weeks ago that forced me to miss a concert and I felt a little nauseous for a day or so. I don’t know what caused it. I don’t think it was something I ate because Mrs PM was absolutely fine. I must have picked up something from work. 

3. What's your favourite word or phrase? 

I have lots of favourite words and phrases that have made me chuckle over the years. Ones that make me chuckle most are words that mean “drunk”. We have so many of them in the UK (as we are a nation of drinkers it has to be said). Here are a few of my favourites.

Kaylied, rat-arsed, shit-faced, hammered, smashed, plastered, wearing your beer-goggles, pissed, sloshed, squiffy, steaming, wrecked, blitzed, bladdered, pickled, paralytic, mullered, bevvied, pie-eyed.

Out of all of those I think my favourite has to be rat-arsed.

4. Name 3 people who made you smile today? 

Mrs PM always makes me smile. 

On my walk a little toddler ran into me and made me smile, as did her mother when she apologised to me. 

5. What were you doing at 8 am this morning?

I was learning some Spanish while drinking a cup of tea in bed. 

6. What were you doing 30 minutes ago?

I was making a cup of tea, ready to settle down and do some freewriting followed by this blog post.

7. What would constitute the perfect evening for you?

My perfect evening entails listening to some music while getting ready to go out, meeting some friends in a pub for a chat and a beer or two before heading off to a good restaurant with them for a lovely meal. Afterwards, return home and watch a little TV with a glass of water before retiring for the night. 

8. Have you ever been to a strip club? 

Yes I have. 

The only times have involved a “stag do”, or as Americans call them, Batchelor Parties. I always find them hilarious places and spend my time standing at the bar, talking to other guys who don’t really want to be there while at the same time avoiding the girls who want “a dance” and also laughing at the lads who are having “a dance”.

I was once told off by one of the girls who was “dancing” with a mate of mine on a “stag do”.

“Will you stop laughing? I’m trying to be sexy!”

That says it all. I haven’t been in one of those places for about 25 years.

9. What is the last thing you said aloud?

I actually said these words to Mrs PM:

“Is Star terrorising next door’s dog again?”

Star, the smaller and braver of my cats, loves winding up next door’s dog, a cute little cockapoo, by sitting on next door’s shed and staring at the dog just out of her reach. It’s funny to watch. 

10. What is the best ice cream flavour? 

I don’t eat much ice cream if I am honest but I do like Häagen-Dazs chocolate chip and cookie dough.

11. What was the last thing you had to drink?

The cup of tea I told you about earlier. 

12. What are you wearing right now?

I am wearing a pale blue polo shirt and jeans. Oh and underwear and socks of course. Oh, and my glasses.

13. What was the last thing you ate? 

I had a bacon and mushroom omelette and some toast for breakfast.

14. Have you bought any new clothing items this week? 

No I haven’t. But I do need to replenish my wardrobe for summer, so I shall probably buy some more polo shirts, shorts and possibly some chinos and jeans within the next few days. 

15. When was the last time you ran?

This morning. I ran to cross a main road while I was on my morning walk. 

Songs

Welcome to a cloudy South Manchester with a hint of sunshine and enough heat to require a summer coat to be worn. I am writing this on a day when once again the United Kingdom has gone mad. As I speak, a man in London is sitting in a church waiting for a vicar to place an expensive and very heavy hat on his head.

Yes – today is the coronation of King Charles III, a man who a lot of people in the country expect me to respect and bow my head to if I am ever “fortunate” enough to find myself in his presence. I can’t even call him “Charlie-boy” any more in their eyes (this is what I have called him since I first heard about him all those years ago). 

Apparently I am supposed to refer to him as “His Majesty”.

That will never happen. 

I am doing my best to avoid people who are wetting themselves over today’s pomp and ceremony but I will be travelling to Manchester city centre later and I will almost certainly encounter Royalists who expect me to gush over Charlie-boy. 

I will just smile and ignore them.

Anyway, enough moaning – shall we answer some silly questions from Sunday Stealing and put this madness behind us? 

1. A song with a food name.

Back in 1981, Godley and Creme released an album called “Ismism” and on that album is a funny song about a man who is so fat that the he had to have his jaws wired together to avoid eating food, meaning that he can only eat soup through a straw. The poor man dreams about eating food.

The lyrics are quite amusing. Here is an excerpt:

Armies of food invade my sleep

Led by lasagnas ten inches deep

My head is pounding my heart is beating

Cows are mooing sheep are bleating

I'm being haunted by all the meat I've eaten

The song is called “Snack Attack”:

2  A song with an animal in it

Let’s stay in the 1980’s for this one. One of my favourite pop bands from that era – A-ha with “Cry Wolf”:

3  A song about a bird

Let’s move back a decade to the 1970’s for this one. This is one of my favourite songs by the Swedish megastars that are Abba. I don’t believe in the phrase “guilty pleasure” and as a lover of progressive rock and heavy metal people wouldn’t expect me to like them. They are not a “guilty pleasure” – I was genuinely a fan of the band in the 1970’s and I still am. 

Here is “Eagle”, one of my favourite songs by the band:

4  A song about a dog

Back to the 1980’s. Here is Adam and the Ants with “Dog Eat Dog”:

5  A song mentioning a cat

Staying with the 1980’s, another of my favourite artists, the legendary David Bowie with “Cat People (Putting Out Fire)”:

6  A song listing a character from Wizard of Oz

Believe it or not, Aerosmith use excerpts from the Wizard of Oz right at the start of “The Farm” and also at the end. Listen carefully:

7  A late night driving song

This song is actually about driving through Japan at night (as the first line of the lyrics confirm). It is called “Night” and is by the legendary Devin Townsend:

8  A song from a movie

Rammstein featured in the movie “XXX” starring Vin Diesel, right at the start of the film.

It's called "Feuer Frei" and here it is:

9  A guilty pleasure song

As I said, I don’t believe in “guilty pleasures”. I can imagine how somebody might think that this is a guilty pleasure – it’s not. I love it. 

This is Robyn and “With Every Heartbeat”:

10 A song about friends

A classic from 1979 by Gary Numan-  “Are Friends Electric?”:

11 A song that is about summertime

Joe Satriani – “Summer Song”. The name says it all:

12 A song that needs to be played more on the radio

I’m a huge fan of a band called Riverside from Poland and they deserve more time on the radio. Mind you, I don’t listen to the radio these days.

Here is “Friend or Foe?”:

13 A song about drugs or alcohol

This is Ginger Wildheart with “Drinking in the Daytime”.

14 A song you would sing at karaoke

I’ll do better than that. This is the ONLY song I have ever sung at karaoke and I will never ever sing a song at karaoke again. Deep Purple” – Smoke on the Water:

15 A song from year you were born in

A very silly song called “Right Said Fred” from comedy actor Bernard Cribbins. It’s very British and very very silly - a bit like the state the country is in today.

Pinterest Part Four

Welcome to South Manchester, where the weather is cloudy and a little on the chilly side. 

Last week I added a new country to my travel portfolio. We spent three lovely days in Marrakech, where it was very hot and very crowded. It is my first visit to Morocco and North Africa in general (having been to South Africa a few times with work). It was thoroughly enjoyable. 

Next trip abroad is to Amsterdam in about a month for a reunion with three of my old university mates. That will be fun. 

Over to some silly questions from Sunday Stealing.

1. Would you rather trade some intelligence for looks or looks for intelligence?

Well since I consider myself to be plain at best and hideous at worst, I would gladly sacrifice looks for intelligence. I am not a vain person by any stretch of the imagination and I love intelligent people, who generally consider looks to be a lower priority in the grand scheme of things. 

2. If everything in your house had to be one colour what would it be?

It would be different shades of blue. Hopefully I would be able to persuade this omnipotent being who inflicted this crazy constraint upon me that teal counts as a shade of blue, thus allowing me to be creative with this limitation.

3. What animal would be the most terrifying if it could speak?

Any animal that could kill me. Imagine being hunted by a lion and it was taunting you; “There is no hiding place; I know where you are and I am going to have you for lunch!”

Not something I would relish, if I’m honest.

4. How do you procrastinate?

I try not to procrastinate these days but it is a constant battle to which I sometimes fail. I tend to watch TV or play on my PS4 rather than doing things that will benefit when I lose such skirmishes. Habits are a great weapon against procrastination, I have to say. Apparently 30 days is all it takes. 

5. If you had a warning label, what would yours say?

Beware: Weirdo.

6. Would you rather go 30 days without your phone or life without dessert?

Life without dessert. When I was a kid I had a really sweet tooth but over the years it has perished and now I rarely if ever eat desserts. Occasionally I will be tempted but that is driven more by hunger and what is available to eat rather than to satisfy my sweet tooth. At restaurants I almost always go for a starter and main course. 

30 days without a phone would be a far more difficult prospect.

7. If one animal was made the size of an elephant, which would be the scariest?

A cat. Cats are totally efficient hunters and would probably do some serious damage to humanity if they were the size of an elephant. 

8. If you were reincarnated as a famous landmark, which would it be?

It would be a building on Victoria Peak in Hong Kong so I could enjoy this amazing view.

9. What celebrity chef would you like to make you dinner?

None of them. I do not like celebrity chefs at all. There are one or two I can barely tolerate but there are far too many cookery programmes on TV and they are full of them. I find them tedious to watch and a lot of them are so obsessed with themselves and their own culinary skills that they come across as arrogant and obnoxious. 

Like this one – a drunk Delia Smith.

And Anthony Worral Thompson making excuses for being caught shoplifting:

There are many more.

I would take my chance with the Swedish chef from the muppets I think.

10. How much would someone have to pay you to eat a spider?

They could never pay me enough money. I would rather live in poverty.

11. If you joined a circus, what would your circus act be?

I would never join a circus. But if I were forced to I would be a clown. 

12. Do you have any superstitions?

Not really. I don’t really believe in superstitions.

13. What cheesy song do you have memorised?

I looked up the top 100 cheesy songs and discovered that I love the actual number one – and I know it off by heart.

Here it is for your delight – and I don’t think it is cheesy at all.

14. What’s something weird that you recommend everyone try at least once?

Okay – here is something that is British that I know will make some Americans howl with laughter. 

When I was at university, I lived with an American guy briefly. He found me weird at the best of times, mainly because he was the very first American person I ever met and I played on my Britishness, partly to wind him up but mostly for my own amusement. And to be fair he did the same to me. 

But one night I was cooking dinner and he popped into the kitchen and said “What are you making?”

“Faggots and peas!” I said innocently. 

“WHAT?” he said. 

“Faggots and peas,” I repeated. 

“WHAT????” he said again. 

I turned around and said it again slowly. 

“FAGGOTS … AND …”

He started laughing, a little too loudly. 

“What’s so funny?” I asked. 

He then told me what a faggot was in America. And I showed him what a faggot was in the UK:

Basically they are meatballs, mixed with herbs and breadcrumbs and sold in packs like this:

Of course, when I showed him the packet he almost wet himself and collapsed on the floor gibbering like an imbecile. 

“MR BRAINS …… HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA ….. FAGGOTS …. HAAAAAAH HAAAAAAHH… ”

I saw why it was so amusing and I started laughing at his reaction. And later, one of our other housemates came into the kitchen and found us both having succumbed to hysterical laughter. 

He took the packet back to the United States on his return at the end of the year to prove to his family and friends just how weird we are in Britain. He considered faggots to be so weird that he refused to try them. 

But, dear reader (and this is specifically aimed at Americans) if you come to the UK, try Mr Brains Faggots with a side of mashed potato and peas. 

They are truly wonderful, despite the weird name.

15. What do you think is the most unpleasant sounding word?

There are a lot of unpleasant sounding swear words but I won’t focus on them. I think “phlegm” is probably one of the worst words. As is “diarrhoea”. 

Yuck!

 

I've Come to Realise

 

Welcome to a very sunny Saturday morning in South Manchester. Spring has definitely arrived and the sun is shining brightly. I’ve just been chatting to our next door neighbour in the back garden and it was very pleasant in the sun. We’re going to head off to Manchester this afternoon to mooch about and then we’re spending Easter Sunday in Lytham St. Anne’s for a family Sunday lunch.

That should be fun.

Shall we answer some silly questions from Sunday Stealing? 

I shall, of course, correct the spelling of “realize” from the American to the English below. Apologies for that but I am English. 

1. I've come to realise that my chest-size ...

… is something that I don’t actually know. Usually when I buy a shirt, jumper or coat I opt for “Medium” or “Large” depending on which shop I go to. I’m quite amazed that they seem to vary from shop to shop.  I have been known to ask the shop assistant for a tape measure if I am in a shop that works by chest size but the truth is that I have forgotten what it is. 

2. I've come to realise that my job ... 

… is something that I am no longer interested in. I have worked at the same thing for almost forty years and I am fed up of it now – bored if you will. It’s not the company I work for - it’s the career choice. I will be retiring soon and I think I am totally ready for that. Where my life leads after that, I don’t know. I have to add though that my job has been good to me in the past; I have travelled a lot through work and made a lot of friends and met some really interesting people. But it’s time to wind down now.

3. I've come to realise that when I'm driving ...

… I wish that somebody else was driving instead. I have friends who are “boy racers” or “petrolheads” and just love driving to the point where they do it for fun. I don’t. To me, driving is a means to an end – something that I sometimes have to do to get from A to B. I don’t like driving.

4. I've come to realise that I need .... 

… to find something new to do when I retire. I have some plans and I am looking into it as the time comes. I do not want to be a couch potato (that’s not me anyway) but I want to find something to occupy my time. As I have said, I have my list of “daily duties” but I think I need to expand my horizons a bit. I have some ideas.

5. I've come to realise that I have lost ...

… my knowledge of contemporary culture. Many years ago I laughed at people who hadn’t heard of the celebrities and musicians of the day and I genuinely recall saying to an older relative:

“You’ve never heard of Frankie Goes to Hollywood? Where do you live? Under a rock?”

And now that person is me. There are so many things on TV that I don’t watch. I don’t read newspapers any more and am more likely to recognise a politician than a TV presenter. And some younger people have said the same to me. 

I guess that I now live under a rock. And to be honest, I am delighted.

6. I've come to realise that I hate it when ... 

… shiny happy presenters pontificate on TV. When TV presenters somehow managed to get over-excited about talking to a celebrity I have never heard of and spend fifteen minutes gushing about them and laughing at things they say that just aren’t funny, only to start talking five minutes later about something serious that I don’t care about, implying that if I don’t care about it then I am a complete arsehole. It’s like somebody has clicked a switch from “happy” to “serious” then “sad” with adding preaching. This is why I don’t watch such shows on TV.

7. I've come to realise that if I'm drunk ... 

… then I have had too much beer. I still like a beer but I know when I have had enough usually and I am sensible enough to stop. The great plan is usually to go home, get a drink of water and go to bed. Sadly, sometimes I just fall asleep in front of the TV. This is why I tend only to drink at weekends.

8. I've come to realise that money ... 

… is something I need to get used to having less off. When I retire, I will have less money and therefore I will have to be more careful. That said, I am quite good with money anyway and working part time for the last year has got me used to having less in my pocket. 

9. I've come to realise that certain people ... 

… are conspiracy theorists. I am a huge fan of conspiracy theories because I find them hilarious, but I have encountered some who are so entrenched in their bizarre views that they don’t realise how crazy they sound. Flat earthers particularly amuse me – like this clown:

10. I've come to realise that I'll always ... 

… try to learn something new if I can. I am quite an inquisitive person and love to gain knowledge. My job has demanded that because technology has moved and continues to move quite quickly. Even though I will retire from IT I will keep an eye on it after that. I am still learning Spanish and will probably try to enhance my knowledge of French and German too. I am learning the piano and I aim to push that further with a synthesiser when I feel I am good enough. There is so much I don’t know and as long as it interests me, I will always seek more knowledge.

11. I've come to realise that my sibling ...

… is my only sibling left. I have two sisters and the older of the two passed away suddenly a year or two ago. She was a couple of years younger than me too, which is really sad. Since then my other sister and I have become much closer. You never know what is around the corner – so embrace everything.

12. I've come to realise that my mum ... 

… was a complicated person. I don’t think I ever understood where she was coming from. From my perspective, she was slightly over-protective and simply didn’t understand why I wanted to do the things I wanted to do. She tried her best to envelope us in a protective bubble that, thankfully, my dad released us from occasionally. I thought I would be the same when my kids were born – but I wasn’t. She was a wonderful person but we rarely saw eye to eye, though I do know that she had my best interests at heart.

13. I've come to realise that my cell phone ...

… is something that I cannot do without. I never wanted to depend on a gadget but I do now. I use it for everything from listening to music, to learning Spanish, from guiding me around foreign cities to recording the steps that I walk. I rarely use it as a phone.

14. I've come to realise that when I woke up this morning ...

… I had no plans for the day other than my typical daily duties. This is the last one to complete today and we are, as I said above, going into Manchester to explore, have lunch and generally mooch around the city. It’s the perfect day – sunny, reasonably warm and the city will be busy and interesting.

15. I've come to realise that last night before I went to sleep ...

… that I shouldn’t try to watch the late movie on TV if I am tired. Avengers: Age of Ultron started at 10:30 pm and I had every intention of watching it. Instead, I fell asleep almost immediately and woke up briefly to see a giant Iron Man fighting the Hulk, before dozing again to wake up just in time to see the end credits. I will never learn – when your body needs to sleep it will sleep no matter what you want to do.

By the way, in case you’ve never heard of Frankie Goes to Hollywood, here they are:

Tuesday Four

Welcome to South Manchester and a very cloudy Saturday afternoon. 

Let’s dive straight in with some silly questions from Sunday Stealing. 

1. Are you currently reading a book you'd like to tell us about? Maybe a TV program you can recommend to us?

I am currently reading a book by A.G.Riddle called “Lost in Time” which, as the name suggests, is a science fiction novel about time travel. And it is very intriguing. Whenever I read a book about time travel, I start looking for plot holes because they are quite prone to them. So far, I haven’t found any in this book, which is encouraging. 

TV wise, I am watching Seinfeld for the first time, mainly because I love Larry David in Curb Your Enthusiasm. I’m up to season 7 and it is improving all the time. I can see Larry David’s influence in it. I am sure most of my American readers have seen it. 

I am also watching Black Mirror, which is a collection of thought-provoking stories written by the Charlie Brooker, a British satirist and comedian. They are usually set in a dystopian future and I would highly recommend it. 

2. Are you a Jane Austen fan? So many seem to be. If you are what is your favourite book and who is your favourite character.  If you aren't a fan, is there an author you especially like to read? Favourite character..etc?

I am not a Jane Austen fan at all. Mrs PM loves Jane Austen and when we went to Bath a few years ago, we saw plenty of evidence of her time living there. 

As I have said a few times, I am more into horror and science fiction, as well as political thrillers, the type written by Robert Ludlum. 

One of my favourite authors is Dean Koontz who has written seemingly hundreds of novels. I wouldn’t like to be a character in one of his books though because nasty things tend to happen to them.

3.  How do you spend your time during the day?  Do you set apart time to read, watch TV, study?

It depends on the day. I have a list of my “daily duties” that I have to perform whatever the day:

• Learn some Spanish

• Write something – anything (it’s mostly crap but there you go).

• Read

• Play the piano.

• Go for a walk.

Today I have completed these “duties” already. 

On a workday, I get up, go for a walk, work, complete my other daily duties and relax.

On a weekend the only thing I have cast in stone is to complete the daily duties and leave the rest to chance. Of course, when I am on holiday, all bets are off.

4. Have your beliefs changed in your life time?

Yes in some ways and no in others. 

Religiously, I would say yes. I am a Roman Catholic and was enveloped in the church until I was sixteen when I decided that religion wasn’t for me. My analytic and scientific mind guided me through this change. Don’t get me wrong; I am not against religion and if you are a believer and deeply entrenched in your religion of choice, I am absolutely delighted for you and would encourage you to keep practicing your faith. I know these things give comfort to people and I am happy for them. It’s just not for me. But then again, I think, once a Catholic, always a Catholic  - and if I am wrong then I will no doubt be treated like a very naughty boy when Judgement Day arrives. Unless of course, God pops into my house to prove that He exists. If he does, I will make him a special cuppa and have a lovely chat.

Politically, my beliefs haven’t changed really. Perhaps the only thing that has evolved is my massive distrust of politicians, even those from parties I support. Most, if not all of them, are charlatans, psychopaths and malignant narcissists. Some are better than others but I would never befriend one. 

I simply don’t trust them.

Life? Well, as you get older, your outlook on life changes as the years go by. At this time of my life I am now an opinionated, grumpy old git, but I have never been happier. 

5. What are your interests and hobbies? .. reading? writing? collecting?

I alluded to this above. 

I love to read, write, learn Spanish, play piano, walk, travel, watch football, watch cricket and watch rugby union. 

Of course, I am a very weird blogger too – as this post proves.

I am massively into music, particularly progressive rock, progressive metal, heavy metal, ambient music, ambient electronica, electronic pop music and some classical music. Last night I went to see Devin Townsend for example. He was amazing. 

I also love to socialise and am very happy having a meal with friends and colleagues and a few beers in the pub. 

I intend to look into more hobbies when I retire. Watch this space.

6. How much time a week/day/month do you devote to your interests?

I devote a lot of my time to my interests I think. It is currently approaching 1pm and I have spent all morning with them. I double up occasionally – for example as I am writing this drivel, I am listening to a new band I discovered yesterday – one of the support bands for Devin Townsend, a French art-rock band called Klone. They were very good and deserve my attention. I usually take evenings off though and either go out or mostly vegetate in front of the TV with Mrs PM.

7. Do you share your interests with anyone?

I have a couple of mates who are into similar music to myself and we go to gigs together in Manchester. I think writing is a solitary discipline and I largely do that for myself – apart from the public side – i.e. this blog – where I cast my drivel out to the world for judgement. 

You can’t socialise on your own though so I do that with friends, family and colleagues.

8. Tell us why you enjoy your hobby, pastimes or interests.

I enjoy writing because it allows me to express my weird thoughts in a permanent way. 

I enjoy reading and music because they take me away from reality on a trip around my imagination.

I love travelling because I always learn something new, and if you learn something new you will grow – you can’t help it. 

9. What emotions and feelings does summer conjure up for you?

I love summer. It is my favourite season. The weather is warm and generally gorgeous, although here in the UK we tend to get a fair amount of rain. It is also the season that I travel most. I am generally much happier in summer. 

10. What's summer weather like in your neck of the woods?

It is the warmest season in Manchester and temperatures range from 20 to 30 degrees Celsius (60 to 86 degrees Fahrenheit) but we do get heat waves, like last year for example where for about a month the temperatures exceeded 30 degrees Celsius and reached a peak of 38 degrees Celsius (100 degrees Fahrenheit). I had Covid-19 that week and was stuck in the house, which was a bit of a blessing in disguise. 

We do get rain in summer though and it is one of the reasons that England is referred to as “this green and pleasant land”. When we have a heatwave, we all welcome a rain shower. 

11. Got some special summer meals you and your family enjoy?

Not really. I eat more salads in the summer and we have barbecues in the back garden. 

12. What do you enjoy doing in summer? Sports, trips.. do you go on vacation?

In summer we tend to go further afield for walks, I watch cricket (I have at least four matches booked later this year) and we spend time in the garden enjoying the heat. We also travel more – we are off to Croatia and Sicily this summer.

13. Did your parents have things better than you today?

No – definitely not. I come from a working class family, even though I would say that I am not that now. My parents lived in a time when it was expected that he was the sole breadwinner and although he looked after us, we rarely got luxuries. This is one of the reasons I didn’t travel abroad until I was 20 years old. 

I am much better off than they were. 

14. What time period would you rather live in.. or are you okay with today?

Technologically speaking I am happy with today because, being a geek, I love the gadgets that we have and the new ones that are being developed. 

Politically speaking, today is quite an unpleasant time to be living in, with pandemics, wars in Ukraine, arses like Trump, Johnson and Bolsonaro making a mockery of truth, the rise of conspiracy theorists and dependency on social media etc. I would like to escape that sometimes.

I would quite like to be able to pop back to the 1980’s now and again because I love that decade, as weird and wonderful as it was. 

15. What changes would you make for our time to make it nicer/better to live in?

I would make it illegal for politicians to tell lies and I would do my best to remove people like Vladimir Putin from office. 

I would love somebody to invent a device that exposed the lies of politicians whenever deceitful words escape their mouths. Perhaps then the Russian people for example would overthrow the lunatic in the Kremlin and people like Boris Johnson and Donald Trump would receive their comeuppance once and for all. 

Like I have said – when I am World President these people will be blasted off into outer space to find a planet to colonise and destroy along with all the other arses who are ruining this world today. 

I will be a great leader – I hope I have your vote.