More Firsts

Welcome to a very pleasant South Manchester, a warm and sunny day. We are well into spring now and summer is calling so my mood is getting better each day.

Shall we answer some daft questions from Sunday Stealing? 

First Job:

My first job was delivering newspapers for the local newsagent. I used to have to be up at around 5:30 am to collect the papers and stuff them through letterboxes at a time when I should have been asleep so that the recipients could crawl out of their pits and read the daily news as they slurped their morning cup of coffee.

I loved it though. I was walking the streets when everyone was asleep. There were no cars about and depending on the time of year it was lovely. You could actually hear birds singing when dawn broke as winter turned into spring and autumn turned into winter. In fact, that’s one reason why I go for a four mile walk at 6am now – it reminds me of that time. And the peace and serenity are wonderfully fulfilling.

Not when it is raining though. That is very unpleasant.

First Favorite Politician:

I have never had a favourite politician. I hate them all. Somebody once said “the desire to be a politician should stop them from ever being one.” I guess for a while I had hope in the late 1990’s when Tony Blair became our Prime Minister until he, too, proved that he is as bad as the rest by dragging us into the war in Iraq. 

First Record/CD:

My first single was this one:

I am sure you will agree that it is a wonderful piece of progressive rock.

My first vinyl album was Donna Summer’s greatest hits, mainly because of this song:

I absolutely love this tune – synthesisers and the fantastic voice of Donna Summer.

My first CD was Wild Frontier by Gary Moore:

Again – a magnificent album full of Celtic rock anthems.

First Sport Played:

Football – always football (that is “soccer” for American readers). I am as blind as a bat but I love football. I have no skills but I love football. Despite these handicaps I somehow managed to play from the age of about six until almost 40 in various guises. Now I am just a spectator.

First Concert:

The mother of a schoolmate of mine used to work at the Birmingham Odeon and somehow managed to acquire a handful of tickets to see Cheap Trick there way back in the late 1970s. I had never heard of them but they weren’t bad.

The first gig I actually paid for was in 1981 at the Empire in Liverpool where I saw Gillan:

First Foreign Country Visited:

The starting point for my love of travel was the Netherlands, just across the water from the island I live on. I arrived in Amsterdam and I loved the place so much I have been back many times – in fact I am planning to return this year for a university reunion.

First Favorite TV Show:

I think that has to be Dr Who, a show that is still on at the moment (I watched a brand new episode on Easter Sunday).

First Favorite Actor:

That’s a tough one. I loved Jon Pertwee who played Dr Who when I first used to watch it, but I also loved Lee Majors, aka the Six Million Dollar Man. I was just a kid. I think really when I think about it, the first actor whose films I would see religiously has to be the wonderful Clint Eastwood. I loved the Man with No Name and Dirty Harry.

First Favorite Actress:

That would be Linda Carter, the original Wonder Woman. I had such a crush on her you wouldn’t believe.

First Girlfriend/Boyfriend:

My first girlfriend was called Christina and we went out together for about a year. I often wonder where she is now.

First Encounter with a Famous Person:

Now this might not be a person you have ever heard of but I met Alan Buckley, the lengedary striker for my favourite football team, Walsall. TO me he was and remains an absolute legend. I met him in Mansfield. We arrived at Mansfield Town football club just as the Walsall team coach was arriving. I had a programme in my hand and my dad gave me a pen. I raced to the coach as the players were getting off and the second one I encountered was Alan Buckley, who very sweetly gave me is autograph on the programme.

I still have that programme today – and I treasure it.

First House/Condo Owned:

My first house was a three bedroomed semi-detached house in Altrincham, a small town about ten miles from Manchester. It was very small but I loved the fact that I actually owned property.

First Film Seen:

That could be any one of the following:

The Jungle Book

Snow White and the Seven Dwarves

Help! (with the Beatles).

First Favorite Radio Station:

That would be BBC Radio One, which played all the latest pop songs, culminating in the Top 20 show on Sunday evening where we would hear the count down of the “Hit Parade” as they called it back in the 1970’s. I owe that station a lot.

It still exists today but it is absolute rubbish now. One of the drawbacks of getting old I reckon.

First Book I Remember Reading:

I think that would be one of the following two by Enid Blyton:

The first serious novel I read was “The War of the Worlds” by H.G.Wells – still and incredible novel even today.

More Silly Questions

Welcome to a beautiful sunny and warm day in South Manchester. I know I have a tendency to bleat on about the weather but today is genuinely a nice day. The sky is blue with scattered white clouds and the sun is shining. 

Also, our wonderfully inept Prime Minister, a hybrid between man and scarecrow, has surpassed himself this week. His government was responsible for creating laws about gatherings during the Covid-19 pandemic, meaning that we were all stuck at home and couldn’t see our friends and family except via Zoom or Microsoft Teams. 

The problem is that he has been caught doing exactly what he warned us not to do; yes – he is so arrogant that he broke the laws that he enforced upon us all. He was seen at a party on his birthday (that he claims wasn't a party).

And the police have been involved and agree that he broke the law. 

So he has been fined along with his own chancellor, making him the first sitting Prime Minister to have ever broken the law.

And the police are still investigating other parties in what has become known as “Partygate”. There is a good chance that he will be fined again because there are at least two or three other instances when he has broken his own law.

Will he resign?

Not at the moment. He is stubbornly refusing to go. 

Get the popcorn out folks; the next couple of weeks could be interesting.

Anyway, let’s answer some sill questions from Sunday Stealing.  

And these questions are very silly.

1.    What’s the weirdest smell you have ever smelled?

It is almost certainly something generated in a chemistry laboratory when I was at school. Things like chlorine, which is quite nasty, and hydrogen sulphide, more commonly known as stink bomb gas, which reeks of rotten eggs. A lot of the things that we created (or extracted) had weird smells.

 2.   What would be the hat to end all hats? What could you wear on your head that would make people stop what they are doing and stare in awe and amazement?

It would have to be a beer hat. A hat that can accommodate cans of beer and allow you to drink them as you walk. Something like this:

 3.    What is something that everyone looks stupid doing?

That moment just before you sneeze, especially if you are trying not to actually sneeze. It is not a good look. And before you ask, no, I am not going to post a picture of myself about to sneeze. I will post a picture of this guy instead.

 4.   In 40 years, what will people be nostalgic for?

Music because music is always nostalgic. To me it is a time machine that can take you back to a moment in time. 

Forty years ago I was at university and this song takes me right back there. 

And they are from Manchester too.

 5.   How do you feel about putting pineapple on pizza?

I don’t get why people are weird about putting pineapple on pizza. I love pineapple and when I have had a “Hawaiian” I have loved having pineapple nestling amongst the melted cheese.

 6.   If animals could talk, which would be the rudest? 

Cats – without a doubt. Their contempt for humanity is legendary and they would be quite offensive to their owners, both rude in the way they spoke and also full of expletives when you didn’t leap up immediately to feed them when they demanded it.

 7.   What’s the best type of cheese?

All types of cheese except stilton are brilliant. Oh, also apart from a horrific cheese I once had in Switzerland that tasted and smelled of rotting old socks (or how I imagine they would taste). 

If pushed I would go for a Double Gloucester, Red Leicester, a mature English Cheddar, a lovely Brie or Camembert. Forget it – I love all cheese except the ones I mentioned. 

 8.   Where is the strangest place you’ve urinated or defecated?

What a question. I think everywhere I have visited has had to have toilets. So – let’s think.

The Vatican, the Kremlin, underneath Niagara Falls, an aircraft at 36,000ft, on the Great Wall of China, and lots of strange places like that.

 9.    In one sentence, how would you sum up the internet?

 The internet is very useful, totally addictive, absolutely necessary but potentially very dangerous.

10.   Which insect could you happily do without seeing for a good long time?

Wasps. I hate them with their yellow and black striped bodies, their dreadful buzzing and their vindictive stings as well as the fear they introduce within me. I am one of those people who flies into a mad panic when one of the little buggers is buzzing around me. I wave and scream like a madman. I hate them.

11.  What is the most embarrassing thing you have ever worn?

Well if you head back to the 1970’s I used to wear flared trousers – but they were fashionable so that doesn't count. 

You could perhaps say that when I wore Kiss makeup for Mrs PM’s photography course. Like these two photos.

Or when I dressed up as Ozzy Osbourne for a charity fancy dress at work.

Or maybe when I pretended to be Slash from Guns'n'Roses at a wedding?

All good fun – I don’t get embarrassed easily these days. Good job, eh?

12.  What’s the weirdest thing a guest has done at your house?

We had a Christmas pub crawl at work and a workmate stayed at our house. The following morning, he had already gone when we woke up. Our Christmas decorations were in the room he had stayed in and we had them ready to put up in the house. Except when I walked out of the room, I found that he had put them up – but all over the staircase. When he had done that I have no idea because I was amazed I didn’t hear him.

I asked him why he did it later and he said “because they were there and it seemed like a good idea!”

Odd.

13.  Is cereal soup? Why or why not?

Of course it’s not. That is probably the silliest question of them all.

14.   What is the sexiest and least sexy name?

The last Stag Party (or Bachelor Party for Americans)  I went to, a few years ago, was in Amsterdam and in traditional British fashion we were forced to wear T-shirts with our porn star names on them. What was odd about this was that the Stag was a policeman so there were a few coppers on this too – and I have to say they are bloody animals when they are let off the leash. I could (and probably should) write a blog post about the experience so maybe look forward to that. 

Anyway, the future groom’s porn star name was “Dirk Nasty” but I have to say that I thought mine was better. 

It was “Jake Sin”.

Sexy, eh?

Least sexy name? For a bloke it would have to be Arnold Rimmer.

15.   What fictional character is amazing in their book / show / movie, but would be insufferable if you had to deal with them in mundane everyday situations?

Probably the above mentioned Arnold Judas Rimmer from Red Dwarf.

More Thought Provoking Questions

Welcome to a sunny South Manchester. The weather is cold – we even had wintry showers yesterday – but the trend for the temperature is going in the right direction. Enough about the English weather (something that typically gets a bad press worldwide but can be quite beautiful).

Let’s dive in with some thought-provoking questions from Sunday Stealing. 

1. Do you own your things or do your things own you?

I own my things – with two exceptions. The exceptions are Ziggy and Star(dust) my two cats who own me. In fact, as I type, Star(dust) is sitting on my desk staring at me with a look of total disdain because, in her mind, it is time for her lunchtime food. It is however, forty minutes too early and she is going to have to wait. 

I know the drill. She will watch me for a while, then she will lie down and start to attack my fingers as I type, playfully at first and then with a little more aggression. That said, she isn’t violent at all. The last thing she will do is just flop on my keyboard. In fact she managed to do that a month ago, resulting in me sending a half complete email to my manager at work. 

I told him that the cat sent it for me and he thought I was losing what remained of my marbles.

Oh – the flopping looks like it is coming gfu/E’LGHQHGEHBGGILKHW43 WTO’WGJ’W

Yes – she flopped onto my keyboard and I thought I would leave the contribution for you to enjoy. 

I shall add Star(dust) to the writing credits for this post. I think I will feed her now.

2. Would you rather lose all of your old memories or never be able to make new ones?

I would probably go for not being able to make new ones. The reason is that I have cameras that can record those new memories, recording images and videos from now on that I will at least be able to look at in the future. You can’t do that with the past if you don’t have the photos. 

It would effectively make technology the new means of making new memories.

3. When you are 80-years-old, what will matter to you the most?

I can’t predict the future but I hope that when I am 80 years old, that I will be physically fit and able to think like I do at the moment. It’s only two decades away so I reckon that as long as I am fully compos mentis and can walk around it will be pretty much the same as today.

4. What do you have that you cannot live without?

Lots of things – my house, my phone, my glasses, my health and all the other things that contribute to my peace of mind and my life. I could make a list but it would be long and boring to read.

5. When you close your eyes what do you see?

Not a lot because my eyes are closed. However, usually closing my eyes leads me to start falling asleep or at least meditating somehow. And that leads to my mind’s eye opening and me catching a flight into my imagination, which, as you can envisage, is a very weird place to be. 

6. What sustains you on a daily basis?

Food and drink, of course, like everybody else.

7. What are your top five personal values?

Honesty – I try to be honest with everyone and I hope others are honest back.

Kindness – There is nothing more powerful than an act of kindness. I wish I could be kinder myself.

Empathy – I try to be empathic and put myself in the position of other people. It doesn’t always work but when it does it really helps.

Trustworthiness – My favourite people are those that I trust and can rely upon. I try to be trustworthy myself.

Humility – I regard myself as a humble person and as a result I think I can handle stress in a better way. I’m humble and happy as a result.

8. What personal prisons have you built out of fears?

In the past I was a very shy person and it stopped me doing a lot of things. This changed when I left home for university and had to face those fears; I forced myself to join in things despite the fact that they were outside my comfort zone. Effectively I managed to break out of the glass prison of shyness; glass because you can see what you are missing. While some of those prisons still exist, I am much better at breaking out of them now. I have a really big hammer.

9. What one thing have you not done that you really want to do?

Travel the world. Okay – yes I have travelled to a lot of countries, 36 and counting. But there are 195 countries in the world so the percentage is about 18%. I see that as something that I can improve upon. 

10. If you haven’t achieved it yet what do you have to lose?

Absolutely nothing. And I am chipping away at this target slowly but surely. As time goes on I will have more time to see more countries and we are certainly planning to see a few more over the coming years. If I win the lottery in the meantime it will accelerate things – that’s for sure.

11. What three words would you use to describe the last three months of your life?

Hopeful, exciting and positive.

The next three months should be even better. 

We have booked a trip abroad to Spain in June. It will be almost three years since I have left the UK - three years too long. 

12. Is it ever right to do the wrong thing?  Is it ever wrong to do the right thing?

The answer to both is yes. There are situations where, for example, it might be a good thing to do to tell somebody a home truth and other occasions where it might be better to keep somebody in the dark. There are examples where I have done both in the past.

13. How would you describe ‘freedom’ in your own words?

To be honest, I don’t think that anybody is really free. I used to think that maybe we were free here in the UK but recent political events have proven otherwise. For example, in 2015, I was free to move to any country in the European Union and live there with no visa and no hassle. Since 2020 that is no longer the case; I have effectively had part of my freedom taken away from me.

I believe that the UK is one of the most “free” countries in the world, if not the most free. I know that the US prides itself on its “freedom” but, like the UK, this is jingoistic sometimes. 

Take US gun laws for example. Americans are free to bear arms but this ends up in disaster when some nutcases are free to commit mass murder.

I would therefore define freedom at the political level as an illusion.

True freedom on Earth doesn’t exist.

Wow – that sounded really deep and negative. I’m sorry about that – normal service will be resumed in the next question hopefully.

14. What is the most important thing you could do right now in your personal life?

Retire. I am 20% of the way there and now that I don’t work Friday I am much happier.

15. If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich?

Travel writing probably. I don’t think I am a good enough writer but if I could convince somebody to let me travel the world as a job and write reports about where I had been I would be a lot happier. I may even postpone retirement to do so. To be honest, though, I would prefer to do it under my own steam because the idea of still having to report to somebody who is telling me where to go and what to do isn’t the most ideal situation. I have had people telling me what to do since 1984 and I am fed up of it.

I like the idea of being my own boss.

Weird Librarian

Welcome to a sunny but cold Sunday afternoon in South Manchester. 

Let’s dive straight in with some silly questions from Sunday Stealing, shall we? 

1.    When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought?

The very first thing I thought was “Who the hell is that?”

Then I remembered that it was my reflection and I put on my glasses. My second thought was “What the hell happened, Dave?” 

Of course I know the answer to that question – AGE happened.

2.    What shirt are you wearing?

I am wearing an old checked shirt that I have for a couple of years now, so it is probably drifting towards the end of its life.

3.    Do you label yourself?

I know who I am, so I don’t need to label myself.

Oh – you mean do I try to put myself into a generic subgroup of people?

If that’s what you mean then I guess I could, if I wanted to, label myself as a member of any one of the following groups:

• Weirdos
• Geeks
• Grumpy old men (in my case trying to rid myself of grump)
• Late middle-aged white British males
• Men who suffer from bad hair days every single day of their lives

4.    What does your watch look like?

I have two watches. The one I am wearing at the moment is a free (and cheap) FitBit style watch that I acquired from my company and tells me the time, records my steps, records my sleep, guess at the distance I have walked and how many calories I have burned. To be fair, I am toying with the idea of buying a proper smartwatch but I am struggling to justify it to myself, even though I love gadgets. The truth is, I will end up getting one I reckon.

My other watch is a long service award. It is quite expensive and I tend only to wear it if I am going to a posh party or restaurant or something like that.

5.    What were you doing at midnight last night?

I was reading a book. I watched Match of the Day and then went to bed and I usually read a few pages until I nod off, which I think I probably did at just after midnight.

6.    Last furry thing you touched?

That would be Star(dust), one of my two black cats.

7.    Favourite age you have been so far?

I reckon that it would be 20, when I was at university. I loved that time of my life and I was able to be the immature little kid that has always lived inside me. I can’t get away with acting like a kid now.

8.    What is your current desktop picture?

It is a picture of a sunrise that I took back in 2005 in Port Douglas, Australia. I had taken an overnight flight from Hong Kong to Cairns and arrived at the hotel at about 5am, an hour before breakfast, so we had no choice but to take a walk along the beach as dawn was breaking. It was magnificent and I am so glad that we did. The beach was empty apart from a couple of dedicate fitness fanatics who were running up and down in the early hours to avoid the heat that would come later. 

I have it as my desktop on my home laptop and my work one too because I love sunrises and sunsets and when they are over a calm ocean it is even better. I feel at peace whenever I look at it.

Here is the photo but I have added a couple of similar ones that I took at the same time that I have also used.

9.    If you had to choose between $1,000,000 or to be able to fly what would it be?

It would definitely be $1,000,000 but I would prefer £1,000,000 because it is worth slightly more. The reason? I am scared of heights and being able to fly would be a curse.

10.  The last song you listened to?

Tye Dye on the Highway by the legendary Robert Plant:

11.  What time of day were you born?

I was born at 4am in the morning apparently. I don’t remember it at all.

12.  Where did you live in 1987?

I lived in a small three bedroomed semi-detached house in Altrincham, a small town about seven miles south west of Manchester.

13.  What do you do when vending machines steal your money?

The temptation is to attack them but I am a pacifist so I usually stand there staring at them in disbelief for a few minutes before thumping them in the hope that the money will be dislodged and give me whatever it is I had paid for. And then I walk away either in disgust, to a person who might be able to help me or like a complete lemon if people are watching and chuckling.

14.  Would you move for the person you loved?

I think I probably would but it would depend on where they wanted to go. 

15.  Name three things that you have on you at all times?

My glasses, my phone and my clothes.

16.  What’s your favourite town/city?

In the UK I can only say that my favourite city is Manchester. Worldwide it is Hong Kong.

17.  What was the last thing you paid for with cash?

I bought a chicken shawarma at a kebab shop during a break between two bands at a gig I went to last Saturday night. I rarely use cash these days but I always have some with me – just in case.

18.  When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper and mailed it?

I haven’t written a letter using a pen for years and years. I simply can’t remember. It was probably in the 1980’s.

19.  The last time you dressed fancy, what did you wear?

I went to a wedding in deepest darkest Lancashire a couple of weekends ago and I decided to buy a new blue suit (chosen of course by Mrs PM). I also bought some new tan brogues and a light blue shirt to match. I wore an old red tie though.

20.  Does anything hurt on your body right now?

The only pain I have is a minor irritation on my finger where Star(dust) scratched me a couple of days ago while I was playing with her. I deserved it completely.

Pinterest Part Two

 

Welcome to sunny South Manchester, where we have bright blue skies, peppered with white clouds and a lovely temperature for a nice three mile walk down by the river in the morning. 

News this week – I’ve bought a piano and have already started to teach myself how to play the thing. I knew it would be hard and I am currently trying to get my brain communicate with the fingers on my left hand and right hand. I knew this would be tricky and I was right. I will persevere though and hopefully have a lot of fun on the way. I can vaguely read music, having played a trombone in my youth, so the music theory side of things should give me a minor head start.

Also I discovered yesterday the tragic news that Taylor Hawkins, drummer of the Foo Fighters, has died at the young age of 50 while on tour in South America. The Foo Fighters are one of my favourite bands and I may just write a tribute post to for Taylor later this week. 

Rest in Peace.

In the meantime, I’ll distract myself with some questions, as usual, from Sunday Stealing. 

1. Are you living a meaningful life.

I think so. I wrote a series of six posts about “the Meaning of Life” way back in October through to November 2015 where I covered the weirdness of life. Have a read if you are feeling bored. 

If you look at a template for what is a “meaningful life” I have ticked a lot of the boxes and probably done a little more in some cases and less in others. I’m quite happy where I am at the moment and as I approach the next phase, which is winding down to retirement, I am looking at starting a few other things, for example taking up the piano, in preparation for that as well as looking for potential new hobbies, or taking existing ones up to a higher level. 

I hope when I shuffle off this mortal coil I will have been able to say that it was meaningful as my soul leaves and embarks upon the next journey, through the stars to try to find out if L. Ron Hubbard was telling the truth about aliens. Only kidding – I plan to live forever!

2. What’s the one thing you cannot live without?

Mrs PM. She’s been my rock and my best friend for almost 24 years now. She somehow puts up with me and my weirdness and makes me feel vaguely human.

If you are talking about objects then I guess that would be my smartphone. 

3. When is it acceptable, if ever, to break the law

I would only think that it might be acceptable to break the law in order to save somebody or prevent them from dying. It’s a difficult one though. The truth is, I have probably broken the law inadvertently, mainly because there are some crazy laws around that we don’t actually know about. I know that, for example, in England, believe it or not, it is illegal to be drunk in a pub. And I have broken that one definitely.

4. What do you want your final words to be

“Onwards and upwards”.

5. What do you think are the five most beautiful things in the world?

I’m not going to talk about people here because people aren’t “things”. Here are some off the top of my head (there are many more I can think of).

A sunrise or sunset over the sea on a beautiful sandy beach.

Iguazu Falls (both in Brazil and Argentina).

Paris in summer.

The Amalfi coast in Italy.

The Blue Lagoon in Iceland.

6. What makes you feel empowered?

I don’t really like the word “empowered” because it has kind of been abused. At work I was told that we, as team members, were “empowered” to make our own choices. Now call me an old cynic if you like, but I immediately took this to mean that it put you in the firing line should something go wrong. I often see people, particularly in the cult of celebrity, claiming to feel “empowered” – and to be honest, I struggle to understand what they mean by that.

The way I see it is that I am a human being – my OWN human being – and I can choose to do and say what I like if I have the urge to do so. In that way I am “empowered” just to be myself and be the master of my own destiny. 

I do not see myself as a celebrity would see himself/herself and abuse the word to increase their status in the world of fame by empowering themselves to go on a “journey” to a “better place”. 

We are all living our own lives and so should it remain.

7. Which is more important–what you say, or how you say it?

Both are equally important in my view.

8. Do you live to work, or work to live?

I definitely work to live. If I had enough money stashed away, work would be the first casualty.

9. How do you think the world will change in 10 years? 50? 100?

If I am being optimistic, I would like to see the world come together as a global community, embracing each other’s cultures and having the ability to just be good to one another. I hope to see amazing technological wonders and a general improvement on where we are at the moment.

If I am being realistic, then I suspect we will have lots of ups and downs over the next 100 years. I still think that technology will improve but politically, we seem to be in a bad place that will get worse before it gets better.

If I am being pessimistic then I think that global warming will rear its ugly head, growing over us like a huge malevolent cloud that we will no longer be able to ignore. Given recent events, I suspect that we may see another pandemic (after all the last one before Covid was 100 years ago), and the sabre rattling of Russia and the lunacy of places like North Korea mean that war will not go away but be walking alongside us like an evil companion.

I hope the optimist in me is correct.

10. What is something you’re certain you’ll never experience?

I will never ever ever EVER jump out of an airplane with a big rag on strings attached to my back (commonly known as a “parachute”).

11. What one responsibility do you wish you didn’t have?

Household chores.

12. What is something you’re embarrassed that you’re so good at?

I am good at maths and excellent at telling computers what to do. Consequently, I look like a geeky nerd and I sound like one sometimes. A female friend once told me that she was initially scared to talk to me because (in her words) “I looked too clever”. Thankfully she overcame that particular obstacle and soon realised that I am a weird human being who can sometimes be extremely stupid.

13. What’s the one thing you most want to achieve before you die?

I would love to have a book published (if I could write) but also, as I said above, be able to play a piano reasonably well. I will attack those and more as I meander through what remains of my life. 

14. What’s something that offends you?

Politicians lying and using their status to change the world for the worse. This is personified magnificently by a man called Vladimir Putin at the moment.

15. What makes you most angry about the country?

The fact that we left the European Union under a tissue of lies and those who voted to do so were influenced by the most horrific human beings in the United Kingdom, people like Nigel Farage, Jacob Rees-Mogg and Boris Johnson amongst others. 

I must not rant (I’ve done well so far this year).

Swap Bot Part Two

Welcome to a very sunny and reasonably warm Sunday afternoon in South Manchester. Spring is definitely in the air and we will soon be able to hopefully spend a little more time outdoors. On Friday we went to a wedding in deepest brightest Lancashire, at a hall in the middle of the countryside on a beautiful day that enabled to sit outside briefly in the sunshine with a glass of champagne as the bride and groom were photographed in an ideal location. 

It was lovely.

Anyway, it’s Sunday now so I am going to answer some silly questions courtesy of Sunday Stealing. 

Let’s dive in, shall we?

1. Do you like sushi?

I love sushi and I also love sashimi. I had tried it before we travelled to Japan, but once there I had lots of it. In Kyoto, we went to a restaurant that specialised in sushi and sashimi and the idea was that we would have a mixture, rather like tapas. Our selection was good and we ended up in a weird conversation with two drunk businessmen who happened to be sitting next to us. It was weird because they were drunk but more importantly because they could only speak about ten words of English, that’s eight words more than we knew in Japanese. In the end, he bought us his favourite sushi as a gift, and we returned the favour by buying him and his friend a beer in return. He tried to persuade us to go with him on a bar crawl around the old town in Kyoto. I knew this because he showed us the area on his phone, pointed to his beer and said two of the words he knew: “You come”! We had to politely refuse – but the sushi he bought was divine.

2. What colour is your car?

My car is a strange kind of silver colour. It isn’t silver exactly because I have parked next to a car that I consider to be silver and it definitely doesn’t match. It’s probably got a bizarre name like “goblin silver” or “paean silver” or something else that is pretentious and wholly inaccurate.

3. What is your favourite thing about the place where you live?

I live about five miles south of Manchester city centre with great transport links into the city itself and enough close by to keep me entertained. If I fancy a little greenery and nature, there is a great area within walking distance or I can drive south into Cheshire in about half an hour. There are great links to other cities from Manchester itself and we live reasonably close to Manchester Airport for when we eventually go travelling again. 

4. Are there brands of certain items that you will ONLY buy that brand? i.e. paper towels, ketchup etc.

I guess so. It depends on what it is I suppose. With more expensive items like laptops, tablets and phones I am very selective in what I buy. When it comes to household stuff, I don’t really care. Same goes for food but there are certain things I always buy because I like the taste.

5. Are you allergic to any food? Animals? Plants? Medicines?

I don’t think I am allergic to anything other than the pollen that gives me hay fever in June. Ah – I've just realised that I am actually allergic to pine trees. I used to have a couple in an older house and one hot summer’s day I decided to trim the. I had a T shirt on and went right in there with the sheers. When I came out my arms were both red and itchy with a weird looking rash. It dissipated after a few hours but the next time I did it the same thing happened.

6. Have you ever been stung or bitten by an animal?

I’ve been bitten and scratched by just about every cat I’ve ever owned. That is mostly my fault for provoking them. I have been bitten twice by dogs when I was a child – unprovoked, I might add. 

7. Do you have a favourite bird? Do you feed the bird at your house or the park?

I don’t really have a favourite bird. That doesn’t mean that I dislike them – I just haven’t bothered investigating them. We do have a bird feeding contration on a tree in the garden but I am aware that squirrels are probably more likely to eat the food and that cats are likely to get involved if we aren’t careful.

8. What would you recommend binging on Netflix or similar?

Mrs PM got hold of Disney+ for six months free with her phone company so I have been catching up on the Marvel series – all of which I love. I’ve also watched The Mandalorian which was quite good (I usually prefer Star Trek to Star Wars). 

I am currently watching the last season of The Expanse on Amazon, which is amazing. 

Also, we are currently watching Vikings and I have to say that if you haven’t seen it then just dive in. It is brilliant. 

9. What is your proudest achievement?

For proudest, read “stupid” – climbing the Sydney Harbour Bridge.

10. Do you have or are you from a big family?

Not really. 

11. What do you do for exercise?

I used to play football and swim as a younger man but these days walking is my main form of exercise. I try to walk at least 7000 steps per day and the good news is that so far this year that average is currently at around 8000. 

12. What would be your favourite breakfast? (You didn’t have to cook it yourself.)

I love a full English breakfast but I don’t eat them that often. The last one I had was on Saturday morning in the hotel we were staying in after the wedding.

13. Is there an item that you really want but cannot afford?

A round the world ticket. To be honest I can afford it but the additional costs such as spending money, hotels etc. would make it really expensive. One day …

14.  What was the farthest distance you made for your holidays?

The farthest I have been is Australia. The furthest from Manchester is probably the city of Sydney where I did that stupid thing I mentioned in question 9.

15. Are you afraid of speaking in public?

Yes. And the sad thing is that I have had to do it several times as part of my job in the form of training courses. I have done them in America, China, South Africa, Switzerland and even Russia. You might think that means that I have overcome this irrational fear but I haven’t. The best thing to do is to practice and make sure you know what you are saying and then, try to focus on one or two people in the audience rather than all of them. And the first fifteen minutes is the worst. Once you get past that hurdle it gets better. 

Friendly Questions

Welcome to a slightly overcast South Manchester. The cloud is a light grey and it is fairly bright and it is quite clear that we are starting to warm up in the UK as we approach the beginning of spring. I like this time of year as it signals the end of winter. The sorry looking trees are beginning to sprout their new leaves, flowers are starting to open and the birds seem a lot happier. If you are lucky enough to be walking around dawn, the birds’ songs are more joyful and louder as the sun rises around this time of year. 

It's very pleasant. 

Shall we answer some silly questions from Sunday Stealing? 

1. What emotion do you experience the most?

That’s a strange and difficult question. It depends. When I am at work, I experience a mixture of frustration and annoyance which mutates into happiness as the end of the day approaches. I am usually quite content on workday evenings before repeating the cycle again. At weekends I am mostly happy. 

I think generally I am quite a happy chap.

2. What embarrasses you most in front of other people?

I am lucky really in that I feel quite comfortable being embarrassed. I have spent most of my time on this blog pointing out my flaws, telling all of you wonderful readers (both of you) about embarrassing things that have happened to me. Such is my self-deprecation on this blog that you probably think I wander around Manchester like a deranged, mad-haired and half-blind fool being laughed at my fellow real Mancunians (as opposed to Plastic ones like myself). I have told you all about my mad hair, my poor eyesight and my baboon-like features. I have told you about times when I have embarrassed myself in public, like mistaking a fellow diner for a waitress in a restaurant, saying and doing stupid things at the most inopportune moments and generally having people chuckle at my numerous faux pas. 

The truthful answer to the question is “not much” to be honest. I have lived with embarrassment most of my life and I regard it as an annoying but amusing old friend. 

3. What do you love most about yourself?

I think I can be quite a funny guy when I want to be and under that odd persona that I have described in my answer to the above question, I am a nice guy – deep down.

4. Who has influenced you the most?

Lots of people have influenced me both within and outside school and work. They are too numerous to mention and picking out just one person would be unfair to the rest of them.

5. What would you like to change about yourself?

My hair, my appearance and my age. 

6. If you could do one thing for the rest of your life, what would it be?

I would like to travel for the rest of my life. If I ever acquired a life-changing sum of money, that is what I would do. 

7. If you had the option of adopting a baby fox of baby koala, which would it be?

There are quite a few urban foxes in our area and I often see them trotting around the streets when I go for my 6am walk around the neighbourhood. They are cute but usually a little skinny and clearly wild. Since they are related to dogs, I think having a baby fox, it might be possible to keep it and train it as you would a normal dog. I have seen a fox cub and they are quite cute. Koalas are also cute and I have actually held one (back in 2005):

To be honest though, I think they would be better off in their own habitat.

8. If you had to be on a reality show, which would it be?

I hate reality TV shows with a passion – except one. The only one I really like is the UK version of the Apprentice, which is full of arrogant, egomaniacal “entrepreneurs” who consider themselves to be the most amazing people on the planet. The truth is that more often than not, they are basically full of crap and not very good at all. 

Therefore I would go onto the Apprentice to basically try and expose them for what they truly are and also (and I would love to do this), just call Lord Alan Sugar by his first name, as he insists on being referred to as “Lord Sugar” by the candidates. That said, I do like Alan Sugar – he can be quite funny. 

If you have never seen the UK version of the Apprentice, just watch the ten minute video of Apprentice disasters below. It is hilarious.

9. If you could live anywhere in the world for a year, where would it be?

Hong Kong. I love the place. I worked there on an off for a few years and then spent a few months there to finish off. If we ever head across to the Far East we always try to pay a visit to the city. It is like seeing an old friend.

10. How many bones have you broken?

I am quite lucky in that I have never broken a bone. Watch me break something now.

11. What do you fear about getting older?

I like my frame of mind as I get older. I am enjoying life a lot more these days. I’m not too happy about things starting to sag, droop and fading to grey though as they inevitably will as the years pass.

12. How do you relieve stress?

I allow the introvert within me to take control. I usually immerse myself in my own little world, focusing on anything that will distract me from the source of stress. For example, I will just do something that feels good, like listening to music, go for a walk, watch a bit of TV, read a book or something similar. It usually works.

13. Are your feet the same size?

Yes – I have boring feet. 

14. 100 kittens or 3 baby sloths?

I love cats so I would almost certainly take on the 100 kittens – just as long as I had a bigger house with a big enclosed garden that didn’t allow any other creatures into it. 

15. What do you want more than anything else in life?

Retirement. I have taken the first steps by reducing my working hours to four days instead of five from April. I’m still not sure exactly when it will happen, a couple of years probably, but it will be great when it happens.