More Silly Questions

Welcome to a beautiful sunny and warm day in South Manchester. I know I have a tendency to bleat on about the weather but today is genuinely a nice day. The sky is blue with scattered white clouds and the sun is shining. 

Also, our wonderfully inept Prime Minister, a hybrid between man and scarecrow, has surpassed himself this week. His government was responsible for creating laws about gatherings during the Covid-19 pandemic, meaning that we were all stuck at home and couldn’t see our friends and family except via Zoom or Microsoft Teams. 

The problem is that he has been caught doing exactly what he warned us not to do; yes – he is so arrogant that he broke the laws that he enforced upon us all. He was seen at a party on his birthday (that he claims wasn't a party).

And the police have been involved and agree that he broke the law. 

So he has been fined along with his own chancellor, making him the first sitting Prime Minister to have ever broken the law.

And the police are still investigating other parties in what has become known as “Partygate”. There is a good chance that he will be fined again because there are at least two or three other instances when he has broken his own law.

Will he resign?

Not at the moment. He is stubbornly refusing to go. 

Get the popcorn out folks; the next couple of weeks could be interesting.

Anyway, let’s answer some sill questions from Sunday Stealing.  

And these questions are very silly.

1.    What’s the weirdest smell you have ever smelled?

It is almost certainly something generated in a chemistry laboratory when I was at school. Things like chlorine, which is quite nasty, and hydrogen sulphide, more commonly known as stink bomb gas, which reeks of rotten eggs. A lot of the things that we created (or extracted) had weird smells.

 2.   What would be the hat to end all hats? What could you wear on your head that would make people stop what they are doing and stare in awe and amazement?

It would have to be a beer hat. A hat that can accommodate cans of beer and allow you to drink them as you walk. Something like this:

 3.    What is something that everyone looks stupid doing?

That moment just before you sneeze, especially if you are trying not to actually sneeze. It is not a good look. And before you ask, no, I am not going to post a picture of myself about to sneeze. I will post a picture of this guy instead.

 4.   In 40 years, what will people be nostalgic for?

Music because music is always nostalgic. To me it is a time machine that can take you back to a moment in time. 

Forty years ago I was at university and this song takes me right back there. 

And they are from Manchester too.

 5.   How do you feel about putting pineapple on pizza?

I don’t get why people are weird about putting pineapple on pizza. I love pineapple and when I have had a “Hawaiian” I have loved having pineapple nestling amongst the melted cheese.

 6.   If animals could talk, which would be the rudest? 

Cats – without a doubt. Their contempt for humanity is legendary and they would be quite offensive to their owners, both rude in the way they spoke and also full of expletives when you didn’t leap up immediately to feed them when they demanded it.

 7.   What’s the best type of cheese?

All types of cheese except stilton are brilliant. Oh, also apart from a horrific cheese I once had in Switzerland that tasted and smelled of rotting old socks (or how I imagine they would taste). 

If pushed I would go for a Double Gloucester, Red Leicester, a mature English Cheddar, a lovely Brie or Camembert. Forget it – I love all cheese except the ones I mentioned. 

 8.   Where is the strangest place you’ve urinated or defecated?

What a question. I think everywhere I have visited has had to have toilets. So – let’s think.

The Vatican, the Kremlin, underneath Niagara Falls, an aircraft at 36,000ft, on the Great Wall of China, and lots of strange places like that.

 9.    In one sentence, how would you sum up the internet?

 The internet is very useful, totally addictive, absolutely necessary but potentially very dangerous.

10.   Which insect could you happily do without seeing for a good long time?

Wasps. I hate them with their yellow and black striped bodies, their dreadful buzzing and their vindictive stings as well as the fear they introduce within me. I am one of those people who flies into a mad panic when one of the little buggers is buzzing around me. I wave and scream like a madman. I hate them.

11.  What is the most embarrassing thing you have ever worn?

Well if you head back to the 1970’s I used to wear flared trousers – but they were fashionable so that doesn't count. 

You could perhaps say that when I wore Kiss makeup for Mrs PM’s photography course. Like these two photos.

Or when I dressed up as Ozzy Osbourne for a charity fancy dress at work.

Or maybe when I pretended to be Slash from Guns'n'Roses at a wedding?

All good fun – I don’t get embarrassed easily these days. Good job, eh?

12.  What’s the weirdest thing a guest has done at your house?

We had a Christmas pub crawl at work and a workmate stayed at our house. The following morning, he had already gone when we woke up. Our Christmas decorations were in the room he had stayed in and we had them ready to put up in the house. Except when I walked out of the room, I found that he had put them up – but all over the staircase. When he had done that I have no idea because I was amazed I didn’t hear him.

I asked him why he did it later and he said “because they were there and it seemed like a good idea!”

Odd.

13.  Is cereal soup? Why or why not?

Of course it’s not. That is probably the silliest question of them all.

14.   What is the sexiest and least sexy name?

The last Stag Party (or Bachelor Party for Americans)  I went to, a few years ago, was in Amsterdam and in traditional British fashion we were forced to wear T-shirts with our porn star names on them. What was odd about this was that the Stag was a policeman so there were a few coppers on this too – and I have to say they are bloody animals when they are let off the leash. I could (and probably should) write a blog post about the experience so maybe look forward to that. 

Anyway, the future groom’s porn star name was “Dirk Nasty” but I have to say that I thought mine was better. 

It was “Jake Sin”.

Sexy, eh?

Least sexy name? For a bloke it would have to be Arnold Rimmer.

15.   What fictional character is amazing in their book / show / movie, but would be insufferable if you had to deal with them in mundane everyday situations?

Probably the above mentioned Arnold Judas Rimmer from Red Dwarf.