Sir Spamalot's Comments

I am a wonderful blogger – at least if you believe some of the spam comments I get. I like to think they are from the same person - a very strange and disturbed surfer called Sir Spamalot.

In my early blogging days, I fell for the crap in these bogus comments and actually (and rather stupidly) published some.

I then noticed that the wording was a bit strange and the "links" they sent under the guise of “Here’s my blog” were very dodgy indeed.

I thought, for a laugh, I would share some recent spam comments that didn’t make it to my blog.

You could certainly see your expertise within the work you write. The arena hopes for more passionate writers such as you who aren't afraid to mention how they believe. Always follow your heart.

So I’m a passionate and expert writer and like to say what I believe. My ego is swelling.

Once we consider the term your message really like, with regards to a close romance with a further, yet to be a sensing that's engendered once you have miltchmonkey a better relationship with yourself very * or even just as the sense of increased oneness household as well as human race ( space ) therefore it gets much more really clear that every one anyone wants in your life will be really like. 

Random use of a word that sounds fabulous – miltchmonkey – what a word!

Now I am going away to do my breakfast, afterward having my breakfast coming yet again to read further news.

Well thanks for sharing that. I hope you enjoy you breakfast, and be sure that, as a news blog, I will satisfy your need for more. Now then, let's invent a story about the Queen...

Asking queѕtions аre truly fastidіous thing іf уou are not understanding аnything fully,eхceρt this poѕt prеѕents niсe undеrstanԁing yеt.

I have a question. What on Earth are you talking about?

I like the helpful information you provide in your articles.I will bookmark your weblog and check again here regularly. I'm quite sure I will learn many new stuff right here! Best of luck for the next!

Wow – I didn’t for one second ever think that the inane garbage that poured forth from my brain onto this blog was in any way helpful information. My God – I must be a genius.

Are you looking to have a video chat with your relatives overseas or out of state.
If you will be unable to attend the live chat, you can post your questions for Patricia in the comment area below. Overconfident men and women are insecure and are putting up a show of fake self-confidence to mask their internal flaws.

Thanks Patricia. I’m glad you liked my blog post telling you how I am a slave to my cats and I can see that your comment is wholly relevant to that. Are you telling me that my overconfident cats are really insecure and faking their self-confidence to mask their internal flaws? I’ll be sure to mention that to Liquorice when she next tries to rip the flesh from my face.

I've read some excellent stuff here. Certainly price bookmarking for revisiting. I wonder how so much attempt you set to make the sort of fantastic informative site.

I don’t charge for bookmarking. Basically all I do is write bilge – I really didn’t know it was informative.

Whoa! This blog looks exactly like my old one! It's on a totally different subject but it has pretty much the same layout and design. Wonderful choice of colors!

Why thank you. I stole it from you, you know.

I am frequently to blogging and I seriously appreciate your content. The post has definitely peaks my interest. I am going to bookmark your web-site and maintain checking for new facts.

If you think I write facts then you should seriously consider therapy.

It’s hard to find knowledgeable people on this topic, but you sound like you know what you’re talking about! Thanks. 

I am an expert on the weird and wonderful world of the Plastic Mancunian. Oh – and I checked your website - thanks for telling me about your sexual problems. I would recommend that you pop along to a clinic and speak to a specialist.

I have an endless supply of similar comments, plus many who seem to be aware that I am 50 yet think that anyone of my age and older needs to eat Viagara by the bucketload. If I followed their advice I think none of my trousers would fit and I would be afraid to leave the house.

I appreciate genuine comments and will always reply – but not to those sent by Sir Spamalot (who uses the name Anonymous)

Do you get this problem?

Er – the spam comments, I mean, not the Viagara…

Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, ...

This post is a little crude.

I apologise for that in advance but I feel I need to post about something that has irritated me for the past year or two.

I have two personal email accounts, one for this blog and one other.

The email for for this blog is fairly anonymous and serves to inform me when people have commented on the blog, people who have decided to follow me on Twitter and other fairly mundane stuff.

I get a few emails as you would imagine. However, I get thousands of emails in a folder called Spam.

I feel like I’ve been to this transport café:



I have never used my email account to tell anybody about any problems, even anonymously. Yet I am discovering that people want to help me, in many different ways, to improve my personal life. And they are sending me thousands of emails to tell me.

And these people are persistent, I can tell you.

I don’t ever recall telling anybody that I am having trouble in the bedroom department. And before you start sniggering, I am functioning perfectly.

Yet somebody somewhere feels the need to continually offer me a solution to a non-existent problem, in the form of a little blue pill called Viagra.

And it’s not just one email – its loads of them – from many different sources.

If really did have the problem that Viagra solves, do you think I would send out an email to lots of random people saying:

Hey guys, have you got a cure for erectile dysfunction? I have a real problem with that - and PLEASE don’t tell my mates.

It’s bad enough seeing an email like:

Hey, Plastic, do you have problems between the sheets? We guarantee to give you the power to make a HUGE tent in your bed.

without the ignominy of a mate seeing the email and saying:

Is there something you want to tell us, Dave? Hey lads, it looks like Dave needs some help in the trouser department.

It’s not just Viagra spam. Other emails offer a more drastic solution to problems in that area.

Hey Plastic, do girls laugh at your small winkie? With our winkie extension procedure we can guarantee that you will positively WANT to slowly change your underwear in a room full of hot women. Most will faint and those that don’t will want to jump on you. What’s more, you’ll be so proud that your winkie has turned into a monster that you will want to show it off to your mates.

Change my underwear slowly in a room full of women? Show my mates? I don’t think I could survive either of those without violent pain or eternal savaging.

I’ve heard that the procedure possibly involves a needle or worse.

Why would I even consider such drastic action?

As well as offering bodily enhancements, I have been offered brides from various parts of the world.

Hey Plastic, are you desperately lonely? Do you want to meet Russian women? Or Chinese women? Or Thai women? Or French women? Or American women? Or British women? Or any women from anywhere in the world? We can guarantee that you will meet and marry a voluptuous woman, even if you look like the rear end of a baboon and have the personality of Marvin the Paranoid Android.

And it’s worse than that. These people know where I live.

Hey Plastic, join our dating site and we guarantee you will find the love of your life. We have thousands of HOT WOMEN in the Manchester area ALL dying to meet you.

Presumably if they know I have been receiving emails about erectile dysfunction, winkie extensions and mail order brides they will come armed with Viagra, needles and weapons of pain.

I’m half expecting them to knock on my door asking for a guy called Plastic Mancunian, a name that, when I think about it, makes me sound like some weird pervert.

I would like to just say one thing to anybody who reads this and who happens to send me these spammy emails.

PLEASE STOP!!!!

Your emails only end up in a folder labelled Spam and I delete them without reading them (even though they have amusing titles).

Perhaps I should just change my email address and the name of my blog and the pseudonym I use.

How about one of these?

Rock Hammer

Goliath Fist

Brutus Bonecrusher

None of them are really me and I would bet I would still receive emails like:

Hey Goliath, are you ashamed of your winkie?

Perhaps I should just call myself Chuck Norris. That might work here are some Chuck Norris facts that might deter spammers:

Chuck Norris never sleeps – he waits

Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors

Ghosts are caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than the Grim Reaper can process them

Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain

Chuck Norris doesn’t do press-ups. He pushes the earth down

Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle

Chuck Norris died ten years ago but the Grim Reaper is too afraid to tell him

Giraffes were created when Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse

Chuck Norris is the only man on earth who can kick you in the back of the face

Chuck Norris can punch a man in the soul

An important fact I could spread is

Chuck Norris tracks down spammers and makes them eat their own Viagra.

Actually on second thoughts please don’t tell Chuck Norris that a guy called Plastic is trying to use his name; I think I’d rather take my chances with the Viagra.