Top Ten Science Fiction Shows

I am a huge fan of science fiction and over the years I have watched numerous series, so many in fact that I have forgotten a lot of them. Modern science fiction series benefit from superior special effects thanks to advances in technology, but I have fond memories of some of those old series with wobbly sets and laughable monsters. As a kid, these things intrigued me, even though they are ridiculous when watched today.

I thought it would be fun to compile a list of my favourite science fiction shows – which is actually much harder than it sounds. I have based the list , of course, on shows that I have watched religiously, which sadly excludes some high-rated shows that I actually missed, shows like Stargate SG-1, which I am told was great. I just never got round to watching it so apologies to any fans of that show and others like it, that I have had to omit.

Also, I have omitted anything to do with super heroes and horror; this list is purely science fiction.

Anyway, without further ado, let’s dive in:

10. Star Trek: The Next Generation

Star Trek: The Next Generation goes down as the most improved series. The first couple of seasons were a major disappointment, which is why this show comes in at a lowly number ten. Some readers may find this controversial. Let me explain. My problem is that the writers seemed to want to sacrifice the ideals of the original series in favour of more diplomatic resolutions to problems. They even had a ship’s counsellor who looked as if she was about to burst into tears all the time. I wanted the Enterprise to attack first and ask questions later. Thankfully, as the show progressed, this started to happen and we were introduced to the best Star Trek bad guys ever: the Borg. The cliffhanger for series 3 which involved this fantastic enemy, is one of my favourites of any Star Trek series and here it is for your enjoyment:

9. Star Trek: The Original Series

Star Trek comes in at number nine simply because it is now quite dated. At the time, it was cutting edge and the idea of a space ship exploring the galaxy was fantastic. However, I found the acting also a bit dated, particularly that of William Shatner as Captain Kirk, whose eccentricities and overacting techniques sometimes left a lot to be desired. That said, I still love the series and will often watch repeats, particularly now that it has been remastered. The planets now actually look like real planets, something that was lacking originally.

My favourite episode is “The Doomsday Machine” where the Enterprise takes on a machine that can destroy planets:

8. The X Files

I loved the idea of the X Files, a tiny department of the FBI that investigated weird phenomena consisting of Agent Fox “Spooky” Mulder and Agent Dana Scully. Mulder was the one who believed in UFO’s and that the supernatural incidents were actually real, as unbelievable as they were. Scully was the sceptic who tried to use science to explain everything they saw.

At times the show was fantastic and quite scary, but my one criticism was the fact that Scully still insisted on rational explanations, despite all of the dreadful things she saw and even the weird events she experienced.

My favourite episode is “Squeeze” which features a weird human who can reshape his body so that he can break into buildings via impossibly tight openings. What made it worse was that this guy would kill a victim, eat their liver and then hibernate for thirty years. It was tense and disturbing.

7. Fringe

Like the X Files, Fringe was a series about an FBI division that investigated unnatural phenomena. However, unlike the X Files, we were also introduced to time travel, parallel universes and mad scientists. Some of the incidents they investigated were truly nasty.

One episode in particular inspired Mrs PM to suggest a trip to Boston, where the series was based. It involved a monster in the sewers under the city. I worry about Mrs PM sometimes:

6. Star Trek: Voyager

While not being popular with Trekkies, I actually thought Voyager was quite good, mainly because the Borg appeared quite a few times. The series contained my least favourite Star Trek character (yes even worse than Wesley Crusher). I am talking about Neelix, the self-appointed morale officer. I hoped every week that he would be killed off; sadly he wasn’t.

My favourite episodes are Scorpion (I and II) for introducing a bad guy even worse than the Borg (Species 8472) – and bringing Seven of Nine into the series:

5. Space 1999

 At the time of its release, Space 1999 was fantastic. The moon is blown out of the earth’s orbit and the show follows the fortunes of the people living on the moon in Moonbase Alpha as they encounter aliens and monster in the galaxy.

My favourite episode is Space Brain, where the moon is threatened by a huge entity that protects itself by sending out a substance (that looks amazingly like foam) that can crush anything in its path.

4. Star Trek: Deep Space Nine

I fear this is a slightly controversial choice. Of all the Star Trek series, Mrs PM rates Deep Space Nine as the weakest. I disagree. In my opinion it is the strongest, mainly because the series covered the struggle between the Dominion and the Federation with a little mysticism and extremely good villains, most notably, the evil Cardassian Gul Dukat.

It’s difficult to select a favourite episode because the whole storyline of the last couple of series makes that difficult. Instead, here is an excerpt from the very last episode, the showdown between Gul Dukat and Captain Sisko:

3. Red Dwarf

Regular readers will know that Red Dwarf appears at number three in my list of British sitcoms, but from a science fiction perspective, it deserves a similar accolade. Dave Lister is the last surviving human and a complete space bum. If the human race depends on this curry eating, lager swigging slob then we are totally doomed.

There are so many great episodes so it’s difficult to pick a favourite, so I’ll pick one of my favourite scenes.

Meet the Vindaloovians:

2. Babylon 5

Babylon 5 is space opera at its finest. Wars, politics, treason, mutiny, religion and fantastic bad guys (the Shadows) make this my favourite ever American science fiction series. At the time the special effects were also way ahead of anything else I had ever seen on TV. The battle scenes in space were terrific.

The show ran for five series and while series one was good, it really took off in the next three seasons introducing a massive story arc that I loved. There were so many great characters all of whom had flaws making them nowhere near as squeaky clean as their Star Trek equivalents.

If you haven’t seen the show, I urge you to watch it. While it may look a bit dated now, the storyline should more than make up for it.

Here is a battle scene with the evil black Shadow ships:

1. Dr Who

The winner has to be Dr Who, the story of a time travelling alien, known as a time lord, who has a ship that can travel anywhere in time and space. Thankfully, this hero who has lived for hundreds of years, has a real soft spot for Earth and although alien is quintessentially British, with all that such a curse entails. He is eccentric, resourceful funny and highly intelligent. He also has the power to regenerate when fatally wounded, which means that the character has been played by twelve different actors spanning over fifty years.

The show is the longest running science fiction series. In the past, the monsters and sets reflected the meagre budget of the BBC but since its resurrection in 2005, the special effects have improved massively and now the show is worthy of its cult status.



And finally …

Do you agree with my list?

Have I missed anything?

What is your favourite science fiction show?

The Power of Dave

You may think that my name is Plastic – it isn’t. I’m not sure that I could go through life with the name Plastic Mancunian – people would think that I am as weird as my name.

What do you mean "You are!"?

My real name is Dave.

I love being called Dave. It is a great name, a wonderful name – a bloke’s name.

My mum and sisters, and indeed my aunts and cousins, all insist on calling me David, despite my insistence that Dave is the name I prefer to be known by. I guess in my mum’s case, she would argue that David was the name she chose, the name she fought over with my dad, and the name that is on my birth certificate.

My dad was called George, as was his dad and his dad’s dad. He wanted to prolong the family name by making me George IV; thankfully my mum won that particular argument. She didn’t get it all her own way, sadly, because I am stuck with George as a middle name, something I only rarely admit.

I can therefore understand why my mum insists that my name is David, and has drummed it into my sisters, my aunts and any other family members that, despite my protestations, I am David.

I’m not David – I am Dave.

Whenever I introduce myself to new people I say

“Hi, I’m Dave.”

That says it all for me.

Such is the power of Dave that there is a feeling amongst non-Daves that we are taking over the planet. And maybe we are.

For starters, in the UK, all Daves have our own TV channel named after us. I am not making this up.

Dave TV was named such because “Everybody knows somebody called Dave”.

And from my experience that is true. The channel also sells itself as “The Home of Witty Banter” and shows a constant stream of old favourite comedy shows. Such is the power of Dave TV that they have produced, exclusively, two new series of Red Dwarf, one of my favourite all time comedy shows.

Here is the trailer for the brand new series, Red Dwarf X, which started on Dave last Thursday:

And, of course, the hero of Red Dwarf is another Dave – Dave Lister.

This is the power of Dave. Of course, Dave TV was first mentioned by another Dave (David Lee Roth) in his video for Just a Gigolo:







Conspiracy theorists, who consider the Power of Dave to be an evil cult bent of taking over the world, may actually have a point.

Here is the evidence:




As well as having a logo on the moon, here in the UK, our Prime Minister is a Dave – David Cameron. That is just the beginning. It won’t be long before we have a Dave in the White House, the Parliament of Australia and the Government of Canada.

Getting a Dave into the Kremlin or the Government of the People’s Republic of China might be tricky though. I’m sure that there are Daves in Russia (Dave in Russian is Дэйв) and China (Dave in Chinese is 戴夫). There must be somebody with those names in those countries.

Here are one or two interesting facts about the name David:

David is a really old name, originating from ancient Mesapotamia.

St David is the patron saint of Wales.

Variants of David are Dave, Davey, Davie, Davy, Dafydd, Dewi, Dai, Daf, Dovi and Dof.

The female equivalent is Davina.

David means “Beloved”

As much as I love my name, I wouldn’t want every other bloke in the world to be called Dave – imagine the confusion and chaos that would ensue.

Dave is such a popular name at the moment that I know quite a few other Dave’s. On one project I worked on a few years ago, there were no fewer than four Dave’s all sitting on the same table. People would come into the office and say “Where’s Dave?”

Four people would look around and say “Here I am – are you blind?”

It was a tough project but a fun one, and while we were all working really hard, things went wrong, so much so that we created an “Excuses Register”. There were some classic in-house excuses that we all used but my particular favourites, given that there were four Dave’s, were:

“Dave asked me to do that.”

“Dave wrote that.”

“I thought Dave was meant to do that.”

Also, can you imagine being called Dave and married to a Davina?

“Dave and Davina” doesn’t really have a ring to it, does it? Or is that just me?

It just sounds – well – SILLY.

Thankfully Mrs PM is not called Davina, although if she were, I would still love her (though I may try to persuade her to change her name).

In conclusion, I would like to thank my mum for fighting to have me called Dave. I have my own TV channel and I share the name of a boy who slew a giant called Goliath armed only with a sling. If only I could do something similar.

I’ll leave you with a few quotes from a fellow Dave from America, a very funny guy called Dave Barry, a man who surely, like me, embraces the Power of Dave.

Violence and smut are of course everywhere on the airwaves. You cannot turn on your television without seeing them, although sometimes you have to hunt around.

Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face.

Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.

You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.

Never assume that the guy understands that you and he have a relationship. 

Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it. 

'Escargot' is French for 'fat crawling bag of phlegm'. 

If God had wanted us to be concerned for the plight of the toads, he would have made them cute and furry. 

Mr Forgetful

Does this ever happen to you?

Plastic Mancunian: Hi there – erm – erm –erm –erm How are you doing?

Annoyed Person: You’ve forgotten my name haven’t you?

This happens to me a lot. I’m introduced to somebody and then, when I meet them again sometime later, their face remains etched in my mind. Sadly, their name has long since departed into an unknown realm never to be seen again. And try as I might, I cannot retrieve it.

The look on my face gives the game away. I smile nervously and screw up my forehead so that it looks like a ploughed field as the cobwebbed cogs of my hopeless brain send in a query. It goes something like this.

Brain: For goodness sake, Memory; it can’t be THAT difficult. You only met this guy last week. Here’s a picture of his face. Now get me the name and get it quick. We’re on red alert here, and Face is letting us down again.

Memory: Who are you? Why are you giving me random faces?

Brain: Just get me the bloody name!!!

Memory: Oh – hang on. He looks like a “Bill”. His name must be Bill.

Brain: Are you sure?

Memory: Er Er Er Er --- Yes!!

Brain: OK Mouth, we have a response. The name is Bill.

Mouth: Hi there, Bill. How are you doing?

Eyes: He’s looking puzzled. He’s looking VERY puzzled. Oh no! He’s looking angry!

Brain: Ears – report.

Ears: This coming in – MY NAME IS NOT BILL!!

Brain: For the sake of my sanity please don’t tell me Memory is wrong AGAIN!

Face: RED ALERT!! RED ALERT!! I’m going into meltdown!!!

Memory: Can I have some chocolate?

Brain: Legs – just get us out of here at maximum warp. I give up!!!

Does a similar thing happen to you?

I used to pride myself on being a bit of a memory man. I could recall all sorts of trivial nonsense; telephone numbers, kings and queens, song lyrics – all sorts.

Some of it is etched in there somewhere but the mechanism for extracting it has become befuddled with age.

If I’m watching a quiz on TV I can sometimes amaze Mrs PM with my power of recollection; there have been occasions when watching shows like “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire” or “Eggheads” that I can dive into the abyss that is my memory and immediately grab a nugget of information from within that well of blackness.

Sadly, though there are embarrassing occasions when my brain threatens to shut down in disgust.

Why is that? And how can I improve my powers of recollection?

I’ve done a little research on this and discovered that my memory isn’t actually one vast database full of pockets of information. It would appear that I have two different kinds of memory; short term memory and long term memory.

Short term memory is a tiny limited space for storing bits of transient information, for example a phone number that you just looked up or a price in a shop. Clearly the capacity of this short term memory bank is limited.

Here is something that might just illustrate short term memory:



Long term memory on the other hand is a vast colossal data bank of knowledge that has been absorbed by your brain and deemed important enough to store. In my case, all that useless information I retrieve when watching quiz shows must therefore be stored in this huge reservoir.

The problem is that, sometimes, and more often as I get older, asking me to remember the name of a person that I met for the first time last week is like asking me to nail jelly to the wall.

And I hate it.

I’ve tried everything.

Once somebody told me that I should use my senses to remember somebody’s name. I almost got walloped when I said, “Ah – I remember you; you’re Mr Smellie!”

I’ve also tried repeating their names over and over in my head like an insane mantra; the problem with this approach is that the name supersedes all others, including my own, and I find myself saying “Hi – my name is Antonio Cabrera – er sorry, I mean Dave.”

Others have told me that alcohol doesn’t help. It’s been a while since I’ve been so drunk that my memory has dissipated into the void, but I can see what they mean.

In my youth, there were times, particularly at university, when I had a modicum of success with a woman at a party and then completely forgotten about it only to bump into her several days later at the student union. In the following barely remembered conversation I play the part of the goon and the poor creature plays the part of the victim:

The Victim: Hello Dave!

The Goon: Hi there erm – erm –erm –erm How are you doing?”

The Victim: You don’t remember me do you?

Brain: Oh no! Here we go again! Memory – don’t let me down! Name please! Here's an image from Eyes.

Memory: Sorry! I’m having a pint!

Brain: Stop living in that alcoholic haze and GET ME THE NAME! Mouth – you have to stall!

Mouth: Say “Of course I do”

The Goon: Of course I do.

The Victim: I was at the party two days ago. You remember? Phil’s party?

Memory: We went to a party?

Brain: Strewth! Just get me a name!!!

The Goon: Yes! Good party eh?

The Victim: Yes. So?

The Goon: So what?

Brain: MEMORY!! We’re dying here!!

The Victim: We were going to go for a date. Remember?

Brain: MEMORY!!! Get me that bloody name now! And do you remember the details of the date?

Memory: La La La! Boom Shakka Boom Shakka! La La La!

Hormones: A date? Does this mean we may get a shag?

Brain: SHUT UP HORMONES!!! And for the sake of all that is holy - do NOT say things like that to Penis. Memory! Just a name – just one little name!! Eyes – report directly to Mouth while I try to salvage this. Face – hold it together.

Face: Oh no! Purple alert!!

Eyes: Mouth – she’s a bit of a mutt.

Mouth: OK – I’ll sort it out!

The Victim: Well? Do you remember arranging a date?

The Goon: A date? With you? Ha ha ha! I must have been paralytic!!!!

Eyes: DANGER!!! She’s looking violent!!!

Face: Oh no! MELTDOWN!!

Penis: Did someone say "shag?"

Bollocks: Incoming!!!! AARRRGGGHHH!!!!!!

I think I’ve always been doomed in the memory area and probably will always be.

Oh well, c’est la vie – or, as whatsisname says – erm, erm, erm – oh, never mind!!!

How Insulting!

Many people have insulted me over the years. Many people still do.

I’m not talking about people who swear at me, or tell me in no uncertain terms what they think of me. I’m referring to clever little put downs that are rude but funny.

Below are some great examples of insults that I have stumbled upon while travelling in cyberspace, peppered with one or two that I have picked up from other people.

If you had brains, you’d be dangerous.

Keep talking – one day you might say something intelligent or interesting.

How do you manage to get dressed in the morning?

Don’t feel sad – there are a lot of other talentless people around.

Even stupid people think you are stupid.

If you spoke your mind you would be speechless.

Humans are meant to live and learn. You just live.

You’d be out of your depth in a puddle.

Crikey – take that bloody mask off. Oh sorry – you’re not wearing one.

Hi – I’m from Earth. Where are you from?

How did you get here? Did somebody leave a cage open?

When you fell out of the ugly tree, did you hit every branch?

100,000 sperm and you won the race?

You’re the kind of person they would use as a blueprint to build an idiot.

Calling you “stupid” would be an insult to stupid people.

Is there a village somewhere missing an idiot?

I look into your eyes and get the feeling someone else is driving.

You’re a sandwich short of a picnic.

As an outsider, what do you think of the human race?

You are living proof that man can function without a brain.

Something crossed your mind? Must have been a long and lonely journey.

Here are some insults from some of my favourite comedy shows:

Blackadder:

"We live in an age where illness and deformity are commonplace and yet, Ploppy, you are without a doubt the most repulsive individual I have ever met. I would shake your hand but I fear it might come off."

“Yes, it's not the only thing that is "very small indeed". Your brain for example – it is so minute, Baldrick, that if a hungry cannibal cracked your head open, there wouldn't be enough to cover a small water biscuit.”

“Percy, far from being a fit consort for a Prince of the Realm, you would bore the leggings off a village idiot. You ride a horse rather less well than another horse would. Your brain would make a grain of sand look large and ungainly and the part of you that can't be mentioned, I am reliably informed by women around the Court, wouldn't be worth mentioning even if it could be. If you put on a floppy hat and a funny codpiece, you might just get by as a fool, but since you wouldn't know a joke if it got up and gave you a haircut, I doubt it.”

"The eyes are open, the mouth moves, but Mr Brain has long since departed, hasn't he, Percy?"

Red Dwarf:

“I can’t believe I’m doing this. Look at me – I’m disgusting. I look like you in your best clothes”

“I am Holly – the ship’s computer, with an IQ of 6000 – the same as 6000 PE teachers.”

“The mind-probe was created to detect guilt, yet in the case of Arnold Judas Rimmer the guilt it detected attaches to no crime. He held a position of little or no authority on Red Dwarf. He was a lowly grease-monkey, a nothing, a piece of sputum floating in the toilet bowl of life. Yet he could never come to terms with a lifetime of under- achievement. His absurdly inflated ego would never permit it. He's like the security guard on the front gate who considers himself head of the corporation. So, when the crew were wiped out by a nuclear accident, Arnold Rimmer accepted the blame: it was his ship, ergo his fault. I ask the court: look at this man. This man who sat and failed his astronavigation exam on no less than thirteen occasions. This sad man, this pathetic man, this joke of a man. I ask the court one key question: would the Space Corps have allowed this man ever to be in a position where he might endanger the ship? A man so petty and small-minded he would while away his evenings sewing name labels on to his ship-issue condoms? A man of such awesome stupidity, he even objects to his own defence counsel. An overzealous, trumped up little squirt, an incompetent vending-machine repairman with a Napoleon complex, who commanded as much respect and affection from his fellow crew members as Long John Silver's parrot. Who would put this man, this joke of a man, a man who couldn't outwit a used tea bag, in a position of authority where he could wipe out an entire crew? Who? Only a yoghurt. This man is not guilty of manslaughter. He's only guilty of being Arnold J. Rimmer. That is his crime. It is also his punishment. Defence rests.”

"Look, we all have something to bring to this discussion. But I think from now on the thing you should bring is silence."

Two of my favourite insults supposedly come from Winston Churchill:

Woman: Sir, you are drunk!
Churchill: And you, madam are ugly! But at least I’ll be sober in the morning.

Woman: If you were my husband I would poison your tea.
Churchill: If you were my wife I would drink it.

Finally, here is a sketch from Alexei Sayle’s TV show, which I personally think is hilarious (my warped sense of humour I’m afraid). It demonstrates the clever use of put-downs but the point is emphasized with mindless violence.



What are your favourite insults?