700 Posts and More Travel Snippets

Well, folks, it’s another milestone for The Plastic Mancunian – this is my 700^th post. This means that I have written 700 posts of utter drivel, averaging about 900 words per post making a rough total of 630,000 words of nonsense to bore anybody who happens to stumble on this web site whilst presumably looking for something more important and interesting.

In fact, the 10th anniversary of The Plastic Mancunian is 21^st March 2018 – and I think that might be a fitting point to call it a day. I haven’t fully decided this yet but it seems a good place to stop and put my energies into writing something more worthwhile – watch this space.

However, that is about 8 months away and until then I shall continue to bore you with drivel. 

I rarely use Facebook these days, but one of the main applications I use is something from Tripadvisor that allows me to record where I have travelled. Thus far, it tells me that I have been to 34 countries, including 368 cities. By “cities” the application really means cities, towns and villages; but I’m not complaining. It also tells me that I have travelled 294,688 miles and seen 25% of the world. 

I aim to increase all of these statistics before I say hello to God in person.

Here is a map of my travels:

I thought I’d would repeat a similar post I wrote way back in 2010 (you can read it here) and share a few more snippets of fun that I have experienced from my travels from 2010 to the present day:

(1)        Muscat, Oman – I had a rather strange but very tasty dish: Camel Biriyani.

(2)        British Columbia, Canada – I stood on a glacier in the snow drinking whiskey. I hate whiskey but it was required to warm myself up.

(3)        Reykjavic, Iceland – I found myself on a dance floor in an Icelandic night club surrounded by five gorgeous, tall blond women. Mrs PM said that I looked terrified.

(4)        Boston, USA – I met Henry VIII on a street – promoting Virgin flights to the UK. He didn’t think I was English and asked if I wanted the trip of a lifetime – back to England.

(5)        Cape Cod, USA – We stayed with a wonderful old couple in Cape Cod who referred to us as “the kids”, not really realising that I was 48 at the time.

(6)        Salvador, Brazil – The only way I could communicate with a lot of Brazilians was using very bad Spanish in the vague hope that they would also speak it as a second language. It worked – once or twice.

(7)        British Columbia, Canada – the scenery in this wonderful part of the world is amongst the most breath-taking I have ever seen.

(8)        Seattle, USA – Mrs PM’s dad was asked for ID when ordering a beer. He was 68 years old at the time.

(9)        Muscat, Oman – the hottest temperature I have ever experienced is 46°C. I thought I was going to melt.

(10)     Hakone, Japan – I used an onsen for the first time. It was like taking a hot bath.

(11)     Barcelona, Spain – Barcelona is home to one of the greatest football teams in Europe, if not the world. And I managed to find a bar showing my own beloved team’s game. They are Walsall and are in the third tier of the English football league.

(12)     Santorini, Greece – I climbed a volcano in beach sandals.

(13)     Berlin, Germany – I walked into a restricted area outside the Reichstag, reserved only for German politicians and staff. A stern but friendly German police officer showed me the correct way to go.

(14)     Muscat, Oman – I refused to carry on a training course until my students agreed to form the Omani division of the Walsall Football Supporters Club. They agreed but wondered why I don’t support a good team like Manchester United or Manchester City.

(15)     Alaska, USA – Alaska is the only place I have ever seen blue ice floating in a freezing cold sea.

(16)     Blue Lagoon, Iceland – Heaven is sitting in a geothermal spa with a silica mud mask drinking a glass of beer.

(17)     Boston, USA – I informed a group of American tourists on a famous boat used in the War for Independence that they were lucky to have won and that one day we’ll be back. They took it in jest rather than lynching me – I guess Americans do understand British humour after all.

(18)     Tokyo, Japan – The Robot Restaurant is the craziest and entertaining show I have ever been to.

(19)     Bύzios, Brazil – Mrs PM and I saw a model phot shoot at our hotel whilst relaxing by a pool. I did not stare at them and I certainly didn’t take any photos myself (well not many anyway).

(20)     Alaska, USA –                 I was introduced to log rolling, where two men run on a log in water until one of them plunges into the icy water. Great fun to watch but not much fun if you lose.

(21)     Reykjavic, Iceland – I ate whale for the first and only time. Not a whole one!!

(22)     Abu Dhabi, United Arab Emirates – The only mosque I have ever visited is the Sheikh Zayed Mosqu in Abu Dhabi. It is huge and beautiful and can accommodate 40,000 worshippers.

(23)     Kunming, China – I was asked, as guest of honour, to select the fish we would be having for dinner. The poor thing was swimming with his friends and ended up on our plate. I was sad about this particularly at the end when the tank was missing one resident.

(24)     Lisbon, Portugal – Lisbon has a smaller version of the famous Christ the Redeemer statue in Rio de Janeiro.

(25)     Hakone, Japan – We stayed in a Japanese-style hotel and wore a yukata for mealtimes.

(26)     Monaco – I have never seen so many supercars in one place at any one time.

(27)     Rome, Italy – I celebrated my 50^th birthday in Rome with friends, one of whom , another Dave, was also 50. We were forced to wear a “50 Today” badge while the women in the group wore a T shirt with a picture of the two of us enclosed in a heart with the slogan “Happy 50^th Birthday You Old Gits!”

(28)     Berlin, Germany – We actually ate a Berliner, which contrary to a popular ex-American president, is a doughnut (a Berliner Pfannkuchen in fact).

(29)     Tokyo, Japan – Mrs PM and I got lost in Shinjuku railway, not once but three times. The third time, a member of staff who tried to help us was also clueless.

(30)     Boston, USA – I had a beer in Cheers.

(31)     Nice, France – Nice is my favourite city in France and I will not let the antics of a nutcase in a lorry stop me from going back.

(32)     Puerto Banús, Spain – I strolled down a crowded street walking between a cruising Ferrari and a cruising Lamborghini. Bloody show offs!

(33)     Dubai, United Arab Emirates - In order to conquer my fear of heights I climbed the Burl Khalifa in Dubai – the tallest building in the world at 828 metres. My quest  failed. I am still scared of heights .

(34)     Tokyo, Japan – This city is absolutely huge. Having spent three days there I only saw about a quarter of the place.

(35)     British Columbia, Canada – I met a Mountie, a member of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police.

(36)     Rio de Janeiro, Brazil – We strolled along Ipanema Beach whilst drinking a coconut and shortly afterwards on Copacabana Beach while drinking beer. Beautiful.

(37)     Marbella, Spain – Keen to show off my blossoming Spanish skills I ordered  a beer and ended up with shandy!

(38)     Kyoto, Japan – Two very drunk businessmen starting talking to us in a sushi bar and tried to persuade in very broken English to join them on a bar crawl. Thankfully we had a bullet train to catch.

(39)     Kunming, China – I ate some of the most wonderful yet weird food I have had. I avoided insects.

(40)     Beijing, China – I ate some of the most wonderful yet weird food I have ever had – again! I avoided pig brain.

(41)     Dubai, United Arab Emirates – You can buy gold bars from a vending machine. I didn’t because I am skint.

(42)     Alaska, USA – There is a photograph of me about to put a dollar bill in the cleavage of a very buxom waitress.  And Mrs PM’s dad was doing exactly the same. Don’t worry  - everybody was doing it; we were in a themed restaurant/bar pretending to be a whorehouse and it was a bit of fun. The photo was taken by his wife.

(43)     Tokyo, Japan – I used the world’s best toilet in Tokyo. I’m glad I work in IT so I could work out how to operate it.

(44)     Berlin, Germany – We were in Berlin for the 25^th anniversary of the fall of the Berlin wall but missed the celebrations by two days.

(45)     Kunming, China – I saw the world’s worst toilet on a building site in Kunming. I am delighted that I didn’t have to use it.

(46)     Iguaçu Falls, Brazil and Argentina – I visited something more impressive than Niagara Falls, namely Iguaçu Falls. We were so impressed that we saw them in Brazil one day and just over the border in Argentina the next day.

(47)     Barcelona, Spain – La Sagrada Familia, the famous cathedral in Barcelona, is still not complete 135 years after it was started. It will finally be finished in 2026.

(48)     Kyoto, Japan – We visited a shrine with around 10,000 sacred gates (torii). An amazing sight.

(49)     Rio de Janeiro, Brazil - In order to conquer my fear of heights I climbed Mount Corcovado in Rio de Janeiro to see the legendary statue of Christ the Redeemer. My quest  failed. I am still scared of heights

(50)     Hong Kong – After visiting for the umpteenth time in 2013, I can safely say that it is still my favourite city in the world. Mrs PM and I hope to go again in 2018 for our 20^th anniversary.

That's it for now. If I have made you laugh or held you interest for a minute or two then that’s great. 

See you for post 701 and once again thank you so much for bothering to read the nonsense I write.

300 Posts, 3 Years and 7 Deadly Sins

This blog has reached two milestones.

Firstly, in March, it was the 3rd anniversary of the creation of the Plastic Mancunian – a series of posts about gibberish.

Secondly, this is the 300th such post.

That’s an average of just about 100 posts of poppycock per year or around eight a month.

Scary isn’t it?

It’s hard to believe that I have managed to maintain this momentum, to be honest.

To celebrate (or commiserate from your perspective, dear reader) I thought I would attempt a meme, revisiting the seven deadly sins because it highlights some of the subjects I have been babbling about for the last three years.

I briefly contemplated them before (you can read about my wild musings) but this meme is a little different. And of course I have stolen it, adding to my reputation as a cyberthief.

Do I care? Not one jot! Here goes.

(1) Pride – Seven great things about yourself

My bum. From a female perspective, apparently I have a wonderful bum. I have never quite worked out why women are so drawn to men’s arses but that’s hardly surprising since I don’t understand women at all. I have been told on quite a few occasions that my bum is my best feature.

My eyes. I have wonderful blue eyes. If you can stomach looking at my face for long enough to scrutinise my eyes, apparently you will see a couple of sexy blue orbs that are quite attractive. A word of warning – please focus on the eyes. If you drift towards the rest of my face you might just cough up a little vomit.

Intelligence. I have an honours degree and my job is to make sense of technology and the hardware that accommodates it. My head is also stuffed full of useless trivia that only becomes useful during quizzes.

Happiness. I may come across as a grumpy old git but I rant with a smile on my face and have the desire to grab a hold of life and ride along shouting “YEEHAHHH!!!!”

My love of kids. It’s a shame that my own two lads have almost grown up. I am childish by nature and therefore find it easy to cast away adult seriousness and play with kids of all ages (resulting usually in kids telling me off for being TOO childish).

Mr Nice Guy. There’s a saying that nice guys finish last. I hate offending people, hurting people’s feelings, abusing trust or just being nasty to people. Maybe that’s why I hate my job so much.

Self-deprecation. I don’t take myself seriously. Why would anybody do that? Nobody is perfect and I enjoy telling people just how imperfect I am (mainly on this blog).

(2) Envy – Seven things you lack and covet

Great hair. I absolutely hate the sentient mop of wiry fluff that resides on my head. I have been at war with it ever since I can remember – and the hair is winning.

Money. I am comfortable but still dependent on a salary. In the next six years I have to help my two lads to find their way through university with soaring fees, soaring cost of living and soaring accommodation costs. My house is getting there but Mrs PM’s plans have turned it into a money pit. It is like a monster gobbling up all of my spare cash. And I love to travel but cannot always find the cash to do so. I really need that winning lottery ticket.

Perfect vision. I am both short sighted and long sighted and have to wear glasses to do just about everything.

Freedom. I am chained to the man (that corporate arse) who dictates the direction of my life; the man who tells me how to live, what to do and how to breathe. I hate the man and I want to destroy the chains that bind.

Youthful body. I look young for my age but now my body is beginning to show the signs of age that irritate me; aches, pains, flab, droops, slightly greying hair. I need to deflate my body and invigorate it with the energy of my youth.

Guitar virtuosity. I love rock music and the ability to play a guitar like any of my axe wielding heroes would be magnificent.

A good singing voice. Wouldn’t it be great to pick up my guitar with my new found skills and then be able to sing with a voice that didn’t render cats unconscious?

(3) Wrath – Seven things that piss you off.

What? Only seven?????

Pointless celebrities. Celebrities who have absolutely no talent whatsoever and have an army of morons hooked on their every move. The news is full of these people whose shallow idiotic lives are played out in front of us like a real life soap opera. There are magazines dedicated to their pointless existence. Why are they famous? WHY????

Politicians. Most politicians are hypocritical liars and I hate hypocrisy and lies.

The state of modern music. I plan to write a separate blog post about this so I will elaborate in due course.

People who hurt others and enjoy it. There is so much violence and anti-social behaviour in the world that it seems to be the norm these days.

January and February. These two months are the worst months of the year. Christmas has gone and in the UK we languish in the depths of the winter blues with freezing cold and dreadful weather and daylight that lasts only a few hours. They are depressing and awful.

Pomposity. There are people in the world whose arrogance is breath-taking. I loathe violence but when confronted by such a self-important dickhead all I want to do is punch him in the face. And I hate myself for that.

Television programmes for morons. There is so much shit on the TV at the moment that if I catch some of it by accident I find my IQ dropping every second. Who watches this crap?

(4) Sloth – Seven things you neglect to do.

Write a book. I am still battling with this – and losing sadly.

Learn French. I want to find time to learn French with a view to possibly spending more time there in later years. My job and procrastination combine to steer me away from it.

Jobs around the house. I hate DIY and I hate housework and I fight a constant battle with Mrs PM who tries to shame me into doing things to her schedule rather than mine.

Cycle to work. I am really going to try to push myself to do this next week – or perhaps the week after.

Sort out my junk. I am a bit of a hoarder by nature and tend to keep stuff rather than throw it away. Mrs PM is always nagging me to get rid of my junk. Sadly, her definition of junk differs from mine. For example she regards CD’s as junk. How dare she!

Cook. I hate cooking and I’ve somehow drifted into a rota with Mrs PM. I am always trying to avoid cooking (apart from when she’s not around – in which case I am deeply tempted to go to the chippy).

Ironing. Mrs PM hates ironing. She refuses to iron my clothes. I hate ironing. I refuse to iron Mrs PM's clothes. The result? A bedroom full of unironed clothes that only gets dealt with when it is physically impossible to get into the room.

(5) Greed. Seven worldly material desires.

A super car. I’m not a car person but I would LOVE to have a monster super car that made so much noise it woke the dead and then scared them back to death. One day I will drive like a lunatic around a disused airfield in a £500,000 rocket propelled super car. One day …

Gadgets. I love gadgets – even pointless ones. I would love to own every single gadget around at the moment, whether it is useless of not. It would keep me quiet for months.

First class travel. I want to travel the world in first class with my own private masseuse and champagne on tap. And when I get to my destination …

First class accommodation. I want to stay in the most expensive suites in the most expensive hotels – like the Peninsular in Hong Kong where for a few thousand a night you have your own butler.

Deluxe homes. Hotel accommodation can become tedious, even in the best suites, so I would like to own my own luxury house complete with pool and staff next to the beach in all the best places.

A football club. I am sick of Walsall being shit. I want to buy the club and inject obscene amounts of cash to buy the world’s greatest players and win absolutely everything.

Money. In order to get the above material delights I would of course require lots of cash – an endless supply of cash.

(6) Gluttony. Seven guilty pleasures.

Beer. I keep hearing bad things about beer and being a hypochondriac I struggle not to believe every word I am told. But then I sip that first pint after work on a Friday night and my worries are cast to the four winds.

Cheese. I am a slave to cheese. I absolutely love it (apart from Stilton and related rancid cheeses).

Bacon. Nothing beats the smell of bacon.

Steak. In South Africa I had a wonderful juicy medium rare T-Bone steak that was inches thick and the size of Johannesburg. I didn’t eat for days afterwards. But it was worth it.

Pork chops. Like Homer Simpson I love pork – to be honest its pork of any kind.

Sour Cream and Onion Pringles. I have been known to eat a whole tube of these in my stupid youth and I really suffered with bad indigestion. Still, it was worth it.

Fish and chips and mushy peas. Occasionally I wander down to my local chippy and order a large portion of fish and chips smothered with mushy peas and then devour them at home. Bliss.

(7) Lust. Seven love secrets.

This is easy – Mrs PM is the only one - and that's not exactly a secret. However, if we are talking pure lust then Mrs PM knows exactly what kind of woman makes my pupils dilate and turns me into a mutant dribbling puppy. But it is only lust – a pure and primeval desire that is never more than that.

And finally…

Please excuse the long post (I know I tend to go on a bit sometimes) but thanks for reading, even if you stumbled across this drivel for the first time.

The Plastic Mancunian will be back - sorry about that...

200 Posts and 100 Travel Snippets

This is my 200th post and in order to celebrate it I am going to give you a few snippets and thoughts from my weird mind about some of the places I have visited. I have travelled to quite a few places in the world; most of them were great (though some were strange).

I haven’t finished travelling by a long way – this year alone I am going to Iceland, Spain, America and Canada. There may even be a business trip to China too.

Anyway, without further ado, here are some of the places I have been to and a few opinions and tiny adventures in those places.

(1) Johannesburg, South Africa – One of the weirdest things I have seen is a man welding and using only a piece of cardboard to protect his eyes.

(2) Guangzhou, China – One of the delicacies on offer in a restaurant in Guangzhou was “cat, snake and chicken soup”. Alternatively there was “fried insect in pot”. I ate something else.

(3) Porec, Yugoslavia (now Croatia) – I entered a Mr Universe contest in the hotel we were staying at (or was quite literally dragged up by an over-enthusiastic holiday rep). I was eliminated when I lost an arm-wrestling contest to the eventual winner. The sight of me posing like Arnold Schwarzenegger still fills me with colossal embarrassment.

(4) Xi’an, China – The terracotta warriors discovered in the 70’s are a sight to behold. I actually met one of the men who discovered them (though all I did was smile at him).

(5) Cleveland, Ohio, USA – The most stupid question I have ever been asked was: “Do they have microwave ovens in England?” I resisted the urge to answer “No – we still live in caves!”.

(6) Niagara Falls, Ontario, Canada – I have seen this beautiful natural sight from above, below in a boat called Maid in the Mist and behind. Truly spectacular.

(7) Sorrento, Italy – Sorrento is a fabulous place with fantastic restaurants and bars. The scenery is stunning, even with Vesuvius looming in the distance.

(8) Phuket, Thailand – I stood on the beach that Roger Moore stood on, playing James Bond in “The Man with the Golden Gun”. It is a spectacular place.

(9) Sydney, Australia – In order to conquer my fear of heights I climbed the Sydney Harbour Bridge – it failed. I am still scared of heights.

(10) Paris, France – The first time I had a steak in Paris, it was still alive – I swear it moved when I cut it. Blood was everywhere.

(11) Bangkok, Thailand – I laughed and mocked when I saw that a Thai Beatles tribute band were going to perform in a bar. The shock was that they were one of the best Beatles tributes I have ever seen and I simply ate my words.

(12) Guilin, China – I saw a woman on a bus with a kitten tightly wrapped in a bag, howling. I think it was dinner.

(13) Cleveland, Ohio, USA – The second most stupid question I have been asked is “Wow! You’re from England! Do you know the Queen?” I resisted the urge to answer, “Yes – she’s my mother.”

(14) San Sebastian, Spain – The waves here were so huge that I almost drowned. I recall seeing the wave that hit me towering above before thinking “I’m screwed!”. Next thing I know I was on the beach with my trunks down to me knees and full of sand. Most embarrassing.

(15) Port Douglas, Australia – In Australia I discovered that you can be injured by trees. So if the crocs, spiders and snakes don’t get you, the foliage will.

(16) Prague, Czech Republic – Prague is like a fairy tale city full of picturesque buildings. I loved the place and the beer is absolutely wonderful.

(17) Porec, Yugoslavia (now Croatia) – With rampant inflation bearing down on Yugoslavia, we changed our cash on a daily basis because every day we got more local currency. Beer and food got cheaper and cheaper by the day, in the end costing something ridiculous like 10p a bottle.

(18) Brisbane, Australia – Australians are fabulous people but all the ex-pats I met in Brisbane were taxi drivers who did nothing but slag off Britain. It’s okay to move to Australia – just remember your roots.

(19) Amsterdam, Holland – On a weekend in Amsterdam, two friends of mine were thrown out of a peep show. What they were doing in there that warranted ejection is beyond me but it was funny and we have never let them forget it.

(20) Yangshuo, China – The limestone peaks in Yangshuo are one of the most incredible natural sights I have seen. They are truly beautiful.

(21) Chongqing, China – The scariest taxi ride I ever had was in this smog-filled city. The lunatic driver took his hands off the wheel and turned around to negotiate the price with us. He was doing 60 mph on the motorway at the time.

(22) Bangkok, Thailand – Bangkok is the only city I have ever been to where you can see an elephant walking on the pavement.

(23) Los Angeles, California – Nobody walks – anywhere! I walked to the supermarket about 200 yards away to get some milk and when I returned, our hostess said “You WALKED to the supermarket? Why didn’t you drive?” She simply didn’t believe that I walked.

(24) Washington DC – I had a taste of fame when I caught a limousine from the hotel to the airport. I thought I was going to be ripped off but it cost about the same price as a taxi. And the number of people who tried to stare inside was incredible.

(25) Beijing, China – Beijing is one of the finest cities I have ever been too. There is so much to see: Tiananmen Square, The Forbidden City and, best of all, The Great Wall. If you can avoid touts you will love it. One trick – pretend to be French – it works a treat.

(26) Rome, Italy – I have only spent six hours in Rome (on the way to Thailand) and somehow managed to see most of the sights. The Colosseum and the Vatican were the highlights.

(27) Port Douglas, Australia – I was too scared to snorkel around the Great Barrier reef because there was all manner of wildlife that could injure or kill me. If not the box jellyfish then definitely the irukandji, a tiny jellyfish that you can barely see.

(28) Kuranda, Australia – I held a koala in Kuranda. I would have said “cuddled” but it stank.

(29) Nassau, Bahamas – I snorkelled for the first time in the Bahamas on a booze cruise. I was slightly merry but ended up spending more time in the water, marvelling at the fish than drinking free cocktails on the boat.

(30) San Francisco, California – The hills in this city are amazing. I walked up one of them and by the time I got to the top my calves were aching.

(31) Magalluf, Majorca – Is this place really Spanish? Why are there places where fish are imported from England for the fish and chip shops? Why would you want to watch British soap operas in a British pub full of British people drinking British beer in a Spain?

(32) Bordeaux, France – Mrs PM speaks fluent French and is a keen photographer. In a café, she somehow gave the impression to a local woman that she was a journalist and that I was somebody famous. When the woman learned the truth she simply laughed.

(33) San Francisco, California – Alcatrazz is an incredible place. I can’t begin to imagine what it was like being imprisoned there and escape would have been a nightmare.

(34) Singapore – I bought a round of drinks for ten people in Singapore and it cost me several limbs. It is the most expensive place I have been to for alcohol.

(35) Orlando, Florida – Have you ever stroked a dolphin? It’s weird – I can tell you.

(36) Venice, Italy – At a café in St Mark’s Square I saw an American order the most expensive cup of coffee in Europe. It is legitimate robbery.

(37) Bangkok, Thailand – I was shown a menu for a girly bar consisting of various acts performed by the staff. “I’m with my mother-in-law” I cried, pointing to Mrs PM’s Mum. “It’s OK,” came the reply. “She can come too!”. I never knew a ping pong ball had so many applications.

(38) Port Douglas, Australia – I read in a local newspaper that a Brit had been eaten by a “salty” while I was there. There was definitely no way I was going to step into the sea when there was a chance of having my foot taken off by a bloody croc.

(39) Pompeii, Italy – The ruins of Pompeii are incredible and Vesuvius looms like a dormant monster. It is an incredible place.

(40) Funchal, Madeira - In order to conquer my fear of heights I rode on a chair lift up a mountain. It failed. I am still scared of heights.

(41) Boston, Massachusetts, USA – Touring the USS Constitution, I was asked where I came from. “England,” I replied. The rest of the group were all Americans and immediately became somehow fiercely patriotic. “You’re outnumbered, my friend,” said one old guy with a smile. “We kicked your ass,” said another. My reply? “We let you win. It’s nice to know that you are still doing a good job looking after the colonies for us.” My sense of humour went down quite well – or maybe it was my accent that helped. Good banter though.

(42) Yangshuo, China – “Where are you from?” “I’m from Manchester!” “AAAHH!!! MANCHESTER UNITED!!!” “GRRR!!!!!!!!”

(43) Los Angeles, California – “Can you give me four quarters for a dollar”? “WOW!!! For an Englishman I’ll do ANYTHING!!” Sadly, she was old enough to me my mother so I simply took the quarters.

(44) Split, Yugoslavia (now Croatia) – My one attempt at water skiing saw me being dragged around a bay by a sadistic speedboat driver. I will never attempt water skiing again.

(45) Bridgetown, Barbados – Barbados is one of the most laid back countries I have ever visited. Pink sand and fine food. No better place to de-stress.

(46) Port of Spain, Trinidad – I worked here after a coup attempt in 1990. There was still a curfew in place and on my first night I heard a gunshot directly outside my hotel window.

(47) New Orleans, USA – There is nothing better than sitting in a bar just across the way from Preservation Hall and listening to old-style jazz whilst drinking local beer and chatting to a very attractive barmaid who thinks my accent is sexy. Bliss!

(48) San Francisco California - In order to conquer my fear of heights I took a lift halfway up the Transamerica Pyramid – it failed. I am still scared of heights.

(49) Paris, France – Parisians are an unfriendly bunch who do not like to speak English, even though I suspect they can. I have had to buy hay fever pills and travel sickness pills armed only with my memory for words and a barrel load of desperation. I succeeded thanks to some good use of sign language; I excelled at miming puking – Marcel Marceau would have been proud.

(50) Hong Kong – I love Hong Kong – I would move there tomorrow if I could. It is the city where I got together with Mrs PM. I have spent over a year of my life there on various travels.

(51) Key Largo, Florida – Never go out on a rough sea in a glass bottomed boat if you suffer from sea-sickness. My ex-wife and well over half of the other tourists ended up throwing up. Strangely I was okay.

(52) Guangzhou, China - “Where are you from?” “I’m from Manchester!” “AAAHH!!! MANCHESTER UNITED!!!” “GRRR!!!!!!!!”

(53) Los Angeles, California – I met KITT, the Knight Rider car. While I was waiting to have my picture taken I was reprimanded for putting my dirty fingerprints all over KITT’s bodywork. My ex-wife, who was a distance away, thought I had gone mad. “The car’s talking to me,” I wailed. “Yeah, right!” she said. I was definitely not drunk.

(54) Yangtze River, China – A first class cruise to see the three gorges was a nightmare and a total disaster. We were robbed and a rat ate all of our toilet paper. The room was a toilet and stank of urine. We were stuck on it for three days.

(55) Guangzhou, China – Mrs PM and I spent twenty minutes stuck in a railway station trying to find our way out.

(56) Atlanta, Georgia, USA – I decided to go for a “snack” at lunchtime and ordered what I thought would be a small burger and fries. What arrived would have fed ten people. As I struggled through the mountain of food I noticed a colossally fat person. I could have used his T-shirt as a four man tent. No wonder people think Americans are obese – given the huge portions served.

(57) Yichang, China - “Where are you from?” “I’m from Manchester!” “AAAHH!!! MANCHESTER UNITED!!!” “GRRR!!!!!!!!”

(58) Split, Yugoslavia (now Croatia) – I was in Split, just a few months before Yugoslavia self-destructed.

(59) Washington DC – The museums in this city are amazing. We planned to spend two hours in the Natural History Museum and spent the whole day there.

(60) Faro, Portugal – The only place I have asked for a Sloe Comfortable Screw without being battered.

(61) Toronto, Canada – In order to conquer my fear of heights, I climbed the CN Tower. It failed – I am still scared of heights.

(62) Moscow, Russia – Upon returning to my hotel room at the end of a busy day’s sight-seeing, the telephone rang and a female voice said “Hello! Would you like a Russian girl for sex?”

(63) Port of Spain, Trinidad – I had a chance to play steel drums and have a photo of me (somewhere) fronting a superb band as they practiced.

(64) Dublin, Ireland – A lovely Irish lady, with an accent to die for, tried to chat me up too. It doesn’t happen very often to me so I had to boast to Mrs PM when she returned from the bar – except I discovered that at precisely the same time an older man had been chatting her up too. Don’t you just love Ireland?

(65) Johannesburg, South Africa – There are metal detectors to stop you taking a gun into the casino area of a hotel I stayed at – but not to stop you taking a gun into the hotel itself.

(66) Boston, Massachussetts, USA – Sam Adams – America’s tastiest beer. And the bars in this city are absolutely great, particularly the one that is a shrine to the Boston Red Sox. You can’t help but feel the enthusiasm for the baseball team while in a bar like this.

(67) Washington DC – I was quite surprised at how small the White House was.

(68) Yangtze River – Fengdu, China – We were the only Westerners on the cruise from hell. The rat had eaten our toilet paper so we had to buy some more. In the sleepy Chinese town of Fengdu, the locals had never seen a foreigner, let alone a blonde pillock with a wispy ginger beard. We were followed by a crowd of Chinese people who simply gawped at us with mouths wide open. I felt like an alien (and probably looked like one too).

(69) Seville, Spain – If you want just about every red-blooded Spanish man to gawp at you in the streets of Seville, simply befriend a beautiful blonde haired scantily clad Scandanavian woman and let her wander around the city with you. Works a treat! Phew! I can still picture her.

(70) Bordeaux, France – How about this for English/French relations? An English style pub, staffed with bi-lingual bar staff, serving English and French beer and cuisine and called “The Frog & Rosbif”? A wonderful place.

(71) Munich, Germany – At the Oktoberfest, I got involved in a race drinking a stein of German beer. I was young and totally foolish.

(72) Singapore – The cleanest city I have visited is Singapore – it is a “fine” city, in that you can be fined for throwing litter, being gay, failing to flush a public toilet, spitting and jaywalking – or so I’ve been told.

(73) Bordeaux, France – The best way to enjoy French wine is to go to the best place that produces it. Bordeaux has the finest wine in France and it is like nectar in a glass.

(74) Xi’an, China “Where are you from?” “I’m from Manchester!” “AAAHH!!! MANCHESTER UNITED!!!” “GRRR!!!!!!!!”

(75) Venice, Italy – Venice is a wonderful and unique place – but, boy, do the canals stink.

(76) New York, USA - In order to conquer my fear of heights I went to the top of the Empire State Building – it failed. I am still scared of heights.

(77) Port of Spain, Trinidad – I suffered the worst sunburn ever in Trinidad. My skin was peeling for months and I got sunstroke for the first time. I couldn’t sleep because the pain was so unbearable.

(78) Moscow, Russia – I checked into the hotel at the same time as Jarvis Cocker – but was too cowardly to speak to him.

(79) Miami Beach, Florida, USA – Americans clearly aren’t used to seeing Europeans sunbathing topless on a beach. Some Scandinavian beauties decided to whip off their tops and caused quite a stir I can tell you. Of course, I looked at their faces.

(80) Lisbon, Portugal – the worst toilet in the world in 1984 was won by a toilet in a youth hostel in Lisbon. It was blocked, completely. I tried to flush it but the hellish contents rose as if to attack me. Thankfully I got out of there before the inevitable happened.

(81) Samaria Gorge, Crete, Greece – on an exceedingly hot day, my ex-wife and I did the small version of this hike – and promptly got lost, walking miles and miles before eventually finding our party.

(82) Munich, Germany – Always find a place to stay before going to a beer festival. Having drunk an unfeasibly large amount of German beer at the Oktoberfest, my mate and I slept rough at Munich station and were woken up at 6am by a very irate policeman. I have never needed a bed so much in my life. I was young and very stupid.

(83) New York, USA – I welcomed in the year 1999 in Times Square in freezing temperatures. It was bloody cold but worth it.

(84) Amsterdam, Holland – The first words ever spoken to me in the city of Amsterdam in 1984 were “Do you want to buy some crack?”

(85) Johannesburg, South Africa – The driver taking me to work decided it would be a good idea to drive me through a township; a week later that very township hit international headlines because of rioting. Thanks, driver!!

(86) Lefkas, Greece – I had my one and only attempt at wind-surfing. I spent the entire time falling in the water – but I did manage to get a photograph taken looking as if I knew what I was doing – a split second before I crashed into the water for the umpteenth time.

(87) Chiang Mai, Thailand – I unwillingly got involved in a tuk-tuk race and thought I was going to die. Our tuk-tuk won and when it dropped us off at the hotel, I almost murdered the driver as he boasted about his achievement.

(88) Singapore – Drinking a Singapore Sling in Raffles is the height of sophistication – but bloody expensive. I cried as I paid for the drinks.

(89) Paris, France - In order to conquer my fear of heights I climbed the Eiffel Tower – it failed. I am still scared of heights.

(90) Miami, Florida – I read about British tourists being shot after they inadvertently drove into a bad neighbourhood. Two days later, I was driving around and got lost, ending up in a rather dodgy place. Thankfully I somehow managed to find my way out.

(91) Amsterdam, Holland – I was told by a bunch of Scientologists in 1984 that I was a suicidal maniac who needs to become a Scientologist in order to be saved. Being young and impressionable I believed them for a time – until my mate was told the same thing. Thank goodness for common sense.

(92) Capri, Italy – Capri is a wonderful and very expensive place. In order to get a great view of the place and to conquer my fear of heights I rode a simple chairlift to the peak of the island. It didn’t work. I am still scared of heights.

(93) Portimao, Portugal – What wondrous places mixed youth hostels are, particularly when the women sharing your dorm are not shy.

(94) Koh Samui, Thailand – a beach holiday turned into a disaster as Mrs PM booked us in the rainy season. We had a continuous thunderstorm for days and I spent most of my time in a bar drowning my sorrows.

(95) Port of Spain, Trinidad – I heard about curfew parties, here. Basically the curfew was from 11pm to 6am so parties would take place between those times in locked bars. Sadly, people got drunk and spilled onto the streets, where they were promptly arrested.

(96) Beijing, China - “Where are you from?” “I’m from Manchester!” “AAAHH!!! MANCHESTER UNITED!!!” “GRRR!!!!!!!!”

(97) Shanghai, China - In order to conquer my fear of heights I climbed the Pearl Tower. It failed - I am still scared of heights.

(98) Parga, Greece - In order to conquer my fear of heights I had a go at paragliding. Thankfully, I didn’t wear my glasses so I couldn’t see enough to be scared. I am still scared of heights.

(99) Las Vegas, Nevada, USA – The hottest place I have ever been to is Las Vegas. The temperature was 45 degrees Centigrade and I could barely stand outside for more than five minutes without melting.

(100) Moscow, Russia – The coldest place I have ever been to is Moscow where the temperature was a cool – 25 degrees Centigrade.

I think 100 is more than enough – so I’ll stop there. However, I have loads of other little snippets about those and other places I’ve been too. One for a future post I think.

Have you ever been to the places mentioned above? Do you live in one of the places mentioned above? If so, I’d love to hear what you think.

And once more, I would like to thank everybody who has commented so far. Feel free to comment in future – I always try to reply.

Cheers

PM