It's What Everybody is Talking About

I get really annoyed with new phrases and catchphrases that seem to have crept into my life in recent years, usually via my television but sometimes via social media, emails and even newspapers. I promised that I wouldn’t rant but I feel I need to get this off my chest because such phrases are now commonplace and that irritates me. 

I’ll give you some examples: 

“It’s what everybody’s talking about.”

No, it is not. It categorically is not. The only person talking about it is the person who is promoting a new TV show. The worst thing about this new TV show is that it is almost certainly a reality TV show full of people who nobody has heard of, making absolute fools of themselves in the hope that they will climb onto the celebrity ladder at rung Z, i.e. right at the bottom. The chances are that these people will be forgotten in a few years’ time. The fact that this TV channel is one of those in the depths of TV hell is beside the point. Usually, the only way you can discover the channel (never mind the programme itself) is when you are desperately looking for something in the nether regions of the channel list because the main channels are full of cookery programmes or those kind of light entertainment programmes that are full of shiny happy people and make me wince whenever I hear the theme music. Of course, it can also apply to upcoming movies and albums too and nobody is talking about those either. 

“The most anticipated album of the year”

Again, in many cases, I have never even heard of the artist concerned. I wouldn’t mind so much if it was perhaps an album by an established musical artist that had taken a sabbatical for a few years and then decided to jump back into the fray. It usually isn’t. It is invariably a singer/songwriter who writes soppy love songs “straight from the heart” and in many cases the album is their debut. Another related phrase is “Soppy McSopface really bares his soul on this album.”

Usually, such commercials are accompanied by a snippet of a single that they haven’t released yet where they are wailing about a lost love while looking as if they are about to burst into tears. It is never a rock artist, a progressive rock artist or anything that isn’t on Radio 1’s playlist. 

It isn’t the most anticipated album of the year. These are the words of the record company who are trying to con us all into buying it. 

“It’s sweeping the nation”

Again, this usually applies to a movie, a film or a book that apparently is so popular that everybody in the nation feels that they have to have it. In most cases, the item concerned can barely sweep my garden path.

“Manchester United are in the ascendency”

This is a football special and it means, I assume, that in the game between Manchester United and some other team, Manchester United are having a period where they are dominating the match. I have a lot of problems with the terminology used by commentators when they are describing the action in such a match because they use phrases that nobody uses outside their commentary box. Other similar overused phrases are “That’s a goal of the season contender”, “We’re at the business end of the season”, “This is why we love the Premier League” and “2-0 is a dangerous lead in the game. The next goal is so important”.

“Your call is important to us”

No, it isn’t. The worst thing about this terrible phrase is that you have just tried calling a bank or some other business and you know for a fact that you will hear this phrase for the next hour repeated between bouts of terrible music. When somebody eventually answers, I am usually so frustrated and angry that all I want to do is scream at the person “WHAT TOOK YOU SO BLOODY LONG?”. Of course, I don’t. I take a deep breath and say “Hi! I’ve got an enquiry for you …” Sometimes they throw in a similar phrase that gets close to pushing me over the edge and that phrase is “This call is being recorded for training purposes”. Honestly, I think that I would rather listen to the phone ringing continually for an hour. 

“My bad”

The worst thing about “My bad” is that I have found myself using it in the past and each time I cringed internally and apologised for it. I picked it up when I was working and I think I have managed to remove it from my vocabulary now.  What it means is “My mistake” or “I’m sorry”. Why can’t people (including me) say that?

 “I’m going to give you 130%”

No, you aren’t because that is absolutely impossible. You can’t even give 100% of yourself really. This is business speak that makes me yell at the TV whenever I hear it on the programmes like “The Apprentice”. Another one from that show is “Let’s SMASH this!”. Invariably the people concerned fail dismally to “SMASH it” and make themselves look lie the incompetent buffoons they are. 

“Rant over!”

Yes – I am struggling to remove this one from my own vocabulary. When I was working I used to moan about things that annoyed me from office politics to TV shows to politics and at the end I would say this. I sometimes still do and I squirm whenever those words leave my mouth. 

Anyway, enough of that. I’m bored with venting my spleen and I think I’ve made my point. 

Rant over. If I have offended anybody then my bad!