Darkness

Welcome to a dull and cloudy South Manchester. It’s windy and the threat of rain hangs in the air. Has summer arrived yet?

The UK election trundles on with claims, counter claims and, in some cases, total lies. I am already sick of it and we have to wait another couple of weeks before it is all over. It’s going to be painful.

Here are some more silly questions from Sunday Stealing. 

1.  Are you afraid of the dark?

I have been in the past, but only when I’ve watched something scary on TV. When thoughts about the scary programme or film fade from my memory my fear of the dark fades with it. Some of the programmes that have triggered my scotophobia are:

• Dracula – a British horror film made in 1958, starring Christopher Lee as the count.

• The Exorcist – still to this date the scariest film I have ever seen.

• Salem’s Lot – a made for TV miniseries based on the Stephen King book and starring David Soul.

• Paranormal Activity – a found footage film about a supernatural entity in a young couple’s house.

• Rec – a Spanish horror film about something horrible hiding in an apartment block.

These days I am totally fine in the dark – unless I hear a strange noise …

2.  Can you curl your tongue?

Yes I can. Is that a weird thing to do?

3.  Can you wiggle your ears?

No I can’t. Is that weird? 

4.  Did you ever participate in a talent show?

Absolutely not. I have no talent whatsoever. 

5.  Do you have any piercings or tattoos?

Not one. The thought of having a piercing or a tattoo makes me cringe. 

6.  Do you prefer Mac or PC?

I prefer a PC because I have been using them for work for over thirty years and I am very familiar with Windows and how it has evolved since its inception. I’ve hear good things about Macs but I tend not to buy Apple products as they are overpriced.

7.  Do you still have our wisdom teeth?

Yes – but the haven’t emerged yet. One of them is parallel to my jawbone and hasn’t moved at all. My dentist says that I will probably know when and if it decides to move but says there is no need to take any action at the moment. 

8.  Do you watch cartoons?

The only cartoon I watch these days is The Simpsons but I don’t watch it on a regular basis. 

9.  Have you ever been hospitalized?

No, thank goodness. I hate hospitals. 

10. Have you had braces?

I assume you mean for my teeth (as opposed to the things that are meant to keep trousers up). The answer is yes – I have had two. The first one was to straighten my back teeth and wasn’t actually visible. But it was painful and I hated it. The second one was to straighten my front teeth and that was clearly visible and very uncomfortable.

11. Were you ever a Girl or Boy Scout? (Or a brownie)

No. That was a privilege I never had. 

12. What is one food you refuse to eat?

Rhubarb. I hate the stuff. It makes me physically sick and I feel quite nauseous just thinking about it. How anybody can stomach rhubarb is beyond me. 

13. What's the most expensive item of clothing that you own?

That’s a good question. It is probably my black tie suit. Quite a few years ago now, I went to a black tie event and hired one but then a couple of more came up so I decided to splash out and buy one, to save money. I’ve had it a while now and, incredibly, it still fits me. 

14. What's your favourite foreign food?

The best food I have eaten on my travels is Chinese food in China itself. The Chinese eat a lot of bizarre food but as long as you know what you are eating it is incredible. I was working there and we were taken to lunch in what looked like a cheap restaurant and, as the guest, I was asked to select the food for everyone. The strange thing was that this wasn’t from the menu itself. I was taken into the kitchen and asked to select the food. I had no clue what I was doing and I turned to my host and said “I have no idea what to pick.” He asked me what I didn’t like and I told him that I didn’t want any insects (which they do eat) or any “delicacies”, i.e. anything strange. In the end, we selected traditional meats such as pork, chicken and beef with his choice of vegetables and rice etc. He walked over to two chefs who were slaving over a couple of huge woks and told them. 

When the food came I was a little worried but I needn’t have been. We had loads of delicious dishes that were simply amazing. And because the owner of the restaurant wasn’t used to Westerners, he came out and asked me directly if I had enjoyed the food (via my colleague as an interpreter). I had nothing but praise. 

And I can say with my hand on my heart, all the trips I have had to China (about seven in total) the food is the best bit. It is not like the Chinese food you get in the UK – it is so much better. 

15. Who's your favourite fictional character?

That’s a good question. I like Jason Bourne from the original Robert Ludlum books. I would recommend all three books, even if you have seen the movies, because they are different stories and so much better (even though I love the movies too). 

 I also like Harry Keough, the protagonist in Brian Lumley’s Necroscope series of books. Harry Keough can communicate with the dead and learns things from them, giving him ultimately, the ability to teleport. And he needs of these abilities because he ends up fighting the most horrific vampires ever created.