Peculiarly Platinum

 

The UK is a peculiar place at the best of times but this weekend it is crazier than ever. 

In the past we have stupidly voted ourselves out of the EU and also elected a clown/scarecrow hybrid as our Prime Minister but at the moment, we are spending a hell of a lot of money to celebrate the fact that a 96 year old woman has reigned over us for 70 years. 

We have been given two extra days off to go mad – and some people have been doing just that.

Yes, it’s that time again in the UK where we can forget the fallout from the pandemic, the cost of living crisis that is making a lot of people struggle and insteead we can spend tons of money on a four day party to celebrate the 70th anniversary of a woman called Elizabeth Windsor ascending to the throne. 

Some people in the UK go absolutely bananas about royal festivals such as this and we’ve had our fair share of them over the past few years, with her golden and diamond jubilees and a couple of royal weddings thrown in for good measure.

Watching television at this time is absolutely dreadful. We become so jingoistic that I struggle to believe it. Every street has a Union Jack flapping in the wind and some pubs are covered in bunting to remind us all that we are British and eccentric.

So far I have largely managed to avoid the excessive coverage of the events, some of which Elizabeth cannot attend because, at the age of 96, she is feeling her age. She was out and about on Thursday for the ceremonial nonsense that she has to endure but she felt “uncomfortable” so she is missing the remaining events and her eldest son, the next king, will be attending as her representative. His name is Charles Windsor and he is an odd fellow but people seem to like him.

Now you are probably reading this and thinking that I don’t like the royal family. You would be wrong; I simply don’t care about them and if it were up to me I would just pay them off and let them live in peace and quiet somewhere, allowing them to escape the constant attention of the press under the proviso that I never have to hear about any of them ever again.

I know people who love them (they are called “royalists”) and these people become over-excited whenever a royal event like this happens. These are the people who dress up in Union Jack clothes, gush about the family saying things like “Oh aren’t they just WONDERFUL”. 

Such people queue up for days on the Mall in London just to catch a glimpse of Elizabeth and her family. If you ever see one of them being interviewed on TV, it is quite funny – and sad – to see them fawning in a sycophantic way that makes me want to throw up in a bucket. These people line up for days outside hospital waiting for a royal birth and then gush about the event as if the child were related to them.

Elizabeth is arguably the most famous person in the world and probably one of the richest. My feelings for her are the same feelings I have for any other 96 year old woman. She has done really well to still be compos mentis and mobile at her advanced age, and she has been on the throne for so long that I have never known another monarch. I guess that will change soon and we will see another bout of madness as royalists mourn her loss. 

I don’t wish her ill but I have to say I just don’t get it. I don’t understand why people seem to worship Elizabeth and her family. Some fellow Brits reading this might agree with me but I reckon that royalists will pour scorn on my words, even though I have not actually said anything bad. Why I should feel subservient to a woman who is where she is because of what she born is beyond me. I have no desire to ever meet her or any of here family and if I did I wouldn’t bow or prostrate myself in front of her. I would not call her “Your Majesty” or “Ma’am” and I may even ask her if she minded being called Liz or Betty.

The good thing about this mad weekend is that British people love a party and we have taken advantage of the time off work to meet family and friends and raise a glass to ourselves, rather than the monarch. Also, our lying clown/scarecrow hybrid of a Prime Minister was roundly booed when he arrived at a service yesterday – which shows me that the moron is as unpopular as ever, especially having lied to the British public so consistently over his period in office.

Anyway – there are still two days left of this craziness and it will hopefully be back to normality on Monday morning and we won’t have to listen to lots of old twaddle from royalists – well maybe we’ll still have to endure some of it I guess – it never really goes away. 

Anyway – for those of you who haven’t seen anything, here is a taste of the madness that has engulfed my country over the past day or two.