The Queen's Meme

The Christmas decorations have now gone and New Year is here. I have been drawn kicking and screaming back into the rat race and now face the bleakest two months of the year.

But all is not lost. I have decided to attack this new decade with renewed optimism and, after all, it is the decade I will finally retire. That isn’t going to happen for a few years yet, but I can safely say, with my hand on my heart, that by 2029 I will no longer be a rat running in a pointless race.

So let’s start the year with a load of silly questions shall we? Here is The Queen’s Meme from Sunday Stealing.

1. January usually has ample amounts of snowfall in parts of the world. Did you ever make snow cream as a kid?

There may be some snow in Manchester in January if we are totally unlucky but one of the benefits of living here is that it’s location is such that if there is snow in the rest of the UK, we either don’t get any at all or just a light covering – which is fine by me because I hate snow. Having said that, we have had some heavy snow in the past few years on the odd occasion so you never know.

As for snow cream – I have never heard of it and I had to look it up. Apparently it is a dessert. So the answer is no, I have never made snow cream or even eaten it.

2. January is one of the months with 31 days. What are you going to do with that extra day?

I will probably be a rat running in a pointless race.

3.  What is your favourite magazine?

To be honest, I rarely read magazines. However, I plan to do more of that in 2020. In the past, I have bought and read Classic Rock magazine and Classic Rock – Prog Rock – so I will say those. Ask me this next year and I will probably have more.

4.  If you live to be 99 years old, what would you like your life to be like in that last decade??

I think it will be fabulous. First, I will be delighted that I have lived that long and I imagine that my poor old body will not be too keen on taking long walks as I do now – so I guess I will spend my time listening to rock music, watching a lot of TV and still trying to master the art of writing.

5. The great world of Wikipedia tells me that scientists claim 99% of all documented species are extinct. Which remaining species in the 1% category would you really like to see extinct.  And which species in the 99% category would you like to bring back?

That’s easy. In the 1% category I would like to eradicate all species of wasp and any other similar insects that sting humans for fun. Bees I can cope with as they serve a purpose. Wasps are vindictive, pointless little bastards. Oh – and mosquitos too.

In the 99% category I would bring back all dinosaurs, particularly the Tyrannosaurus Rex. I would recreate Jurassic Park on a huge island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. I have always been fascinated by them.

6. On January 14, 1986 motorists were required for the first time to wear seat belts? Do you always buckle up? Why or why not?

Yes, I always buckle up. Two reasons. First, I don’t want to be hurled through the windscreen in the unlikely event that I crash the car at 70 miles per hour. Second, it is the law in the UK and I would hate to be arrested.

7. Why did the cow jump over the moon?

I imagine she jumped over the moon because she saw a cat with a fiddle.

8. What happened to Question 8?

It went to the toilet. I am sure it will be back later.

9. Have you said anything in the last 24 hours that you regret?

Yes. I said to Mrs PM; “What shall we do today?” Within minutes I was scubbing the toilet.

10. Have you ever written anything on your blog that you wish you could take back?

No. I have in the past had a few negative comments from keyboard warriors and trolls because of slightly controversial posts but I stand by what I wrote. In particular a post about how rubbish Shakespeare is courted a lot of controversy, as did my criticism of the Twilight Saga. I stand by what I said. Shakespeare IS rubbish – and the Twilight Saga is even worse. Utter verbal bilge – both of them.

11. Are you the blabber or the blabbee? Tell us your most embarrassing blabbermouth moment.

I’m not really a blabber or a blabbee but I have been known to put my foot in it a couple of times.

I think possibly my most embarrassing moment was when I aired my views on the Quality Manager and the entire Quality Department at work. I went into a full blown rant about how pointless the nitty gritty of some aspects of the Quality Control procedure was, having been forced to rewrite a document in a certain style that, in my opinion, added nothing at all. I questioned the role of the Quality Manager himself and called him a pointless jobsworth who had to justify his existence by incorporating petty little rules just so that he could remain as an employee of the company.

At the end of the rant I saw that my colleagues were trying their best not to laugh, so I thought I had done a good job of expressing my views. Then I heard six words that swallowed me up into the abyss of embarrassment:

“Dave, can I have a word?”

I turned around and saw the Quality Manager with his arms folded and a face like thunder.

I then had to sit in a room with the pillock as he explained to me how we as a company benefit from his Quality rules. I felt like a five year old being told off by a teacher for a minor misdemeanour.

I decided that it might be prudent to agree with him, rather than unleashing my inner anarchist.

People still talk about the incident today and it happened over 20 years ago.

12. How important is a cell phone in your life?

Very important, though I rarely use it as an actual telephone. To me it is a portable computer and I use it for countless other purposes.

13. A "cuisine" is typically influenced by and named after geographical regions and cultures. Pretend your blog is a country. What is the name of your cuisine? 

Manchester tart served in a plastic container.

14. You are the Blog Paparazzi! Which blogger's real photograph are you most interested in getting?

I’m not interested in that sort of thing.

15. Are you always on time or just a tad late?

I usually aim to be five or ten minutes early (much to Mrs PM’s annoyance).

16. Can you think of a time when you were late for something and it was REALLY a big deal?

The only time this has happened to me it was definitely not my fault. I was flying to Johannesburg in South Africa from Manchester via London Heathrow. The flight from Manchester was delayed by an hour so I had to run from one terminal to another to catch my onward flight. If you have never been to Heathrow, it is one of the biggest and most frustrating airports in the world and, of course, I missed my connecting flight. I had to spend the night in a hotel at the airport and catch the equivalent flight the next day.

I can’t even begin to describe how angry I was.

17. If you were on your way to work and had five minutes to get there, would you stop in the road to rescue a crossing turtle?

If there was a turtle crossing a road in Manchester, I would stop the car, and try my best to take a photograph of the creature, along with everybody else who was amazed at seeing a turtle crossing the road in Manchester. I would then arrive at work late and spend the first ten minutes showing people the photograph saying “guess what I saw crossing the road this morning?”

18. When you are having a really good day, what usually makes it good?

Really good days involve travelling somewhere, either exploring a foreign city, walking along a beach with a camera and Mrs PM as the sun is going down or having a lovely meal with Mrs PM and a beer or two.

19.  What is the most annoying Christmas song?

That bloody awful Mariah Carey song that I have had to put up with for the past month and a half.

20. You are Snow White. Which dwarf is your favourite and why?

I was called “Snow” and “Snowy White” at school because back then I had very blond hair so there is a surreal element to this question, apart from the weirdness of imagining myself as the real Snow White and picking a dwarf! I guess if I were forced to choose a favourite it would probably be Grumpy because he is the most like me.