Travel Questions

 

Welcome to a very sunny and hot South Manchester as we prepare ourselves for a heatwave that will almost certainly smash the record temperatures in the UK. The current record stands at 38.7 degrees Centigrade (101.6 degrees Fahrenheit) which occurred in Cambridge in 2019. 

On Monday and Tuesday, the temperature in London is predicted to exceed 40 degrees Centigrade (104 degrees Fahrenheit) – something that is unprecedented in the United Kingdom.

This will be the pinnacle of two weeks of madness in both my life and that of the United Kingdom. Let’s start with my country. 

We all finally had enough of the clown/scarecrow hybrid that was masquerading as the Prime Minister and so, finally, it turns out did his own party. The government started resigning en masse and a week ago last Thursday the idiot finally resigned, although he still seems to be Prime Minister because he is trying to cling on to power like the lying leech that he is – at least until September – though I hope sooner.

This means that his Conservative Party are having a leadership contest to find the next liar who will take his place. All of the candidates (there are currently five of them) have in the past supporting the clown and now, in their campaign speeches are claiming that they are going to “fix” Britain. 

Britain is broken in their eyes (understatement of the century) and they claim it has nothing to do with their party or themselves. The idiots have been in power for TWELVE YEARS! They bloody well broke it – especially with Brexit. 

It makes my blood boil.

It is little consolation that Boris Johnson, the worst Prime Minister we have ever had, has now gone because I want his party to go too. I could go on with my reasons but I won’t bore you anymore.

On a personal note I have been to Belgium – Bruges and Brussels – and I thoroughly enjoyed it – until, that is, I came back with a little gift – Covid-19.

Yes – that’s right! Having successfully avoided Covid-19 for two and a half years, it has caught up with me finally. I tested positive on Monday of this week and now, on Saturday, I feel a lot better, but still have a cough and am still positive. This is annoying because I am now going slightly stir crazy. 

I felt rough on Monday and Tuesday but I have improved a lot since then and all I want to do is go out. I can’t – which means I will miss a cricket game tomorrow (also annoying). I have to wait for two clear days before I can join the land of healthy people again.

Back to the temperatures, it seems that in Manchester the record we have had is 33.7 degrees Centigrade and on Monday/Tuesday that will reach 36 degrees Centigrade. So maybe it is a good thing that I can’t go out (I wouldn’t anyway because I will be working from home anyway – despite Covid-19 if I still have it).

Phew – after all that – shall I answer some questions from Sunday Stealing? 

1. To which countries have you been?

(Deep breath):

Argentina, Australia, the Bahamas, Barbados, Belgium, Brazil, Canada, China, Croatia, Czechia (formerly Czech Republic), France, Germany, Greece, Hong Kong, Hungary, Iceland, Ireland, Italy, Japan, Macau, Malta, Monaco, the Netherlands, Oman, Portugal, Russia, Singapore, South Africa, Spain, Switzerland, Thailand, Trinidad and Tobago, Turkey, United Arab Emirates, United Kingdom (of course), United States of America, Vatican City and Vietnam

2. Which countries would you love to visit one day?

Whether I will be able to do so I don’t know – but here is a list off the top of my head:

Andorra, Austria, Bulgaria, Cuba, Denmark, Egypt, Estonia, Finland, Indonesia, Jamaica, Laos, Latvia, Liechtenstein, Lithuania, Luxembourg, Malaysia, Maldives, Mexico, Morocco, New Zealand, Norway, Poland, Romania, Slovakia, South Korea and Sweden.

3. Have been on a trip this year or have one planned for later?

Yes – I have been to Estepona in Spain and Bruges and Brussels in Belgium (hot off the press). The plan is to go to Greece in September and possibly Amsterdam in October/November.

4. What kinds of transport do you prefer to travel by? (train, car, plane,...)

I am not a huge fan of the actual travelling part of travel – i.e. getting there and getting home – but if you were to push me I would say train travel is best because it is quite relaxing.

5. Do you get yourself a souvenir to take home? If yes, what do you like to buy?

I used to buy fridge magnets but when we had a new kitchen, Mrs PM refused to allow them on the fridge – so there was no point collecting them any longer. I’m slightly disappointed to be fair but I guess it’s a good thing given that they are really overpriced tat.

These days the experience becomes memories and photos and that is enough.

6. Do you like to try local food? Can you recommend anything or advise not to try something?

Oh yes – unless I hate it. I am not a huge fan of That food so I had problems in Thailand itself, especially when we went for a Thai banquet in Bangkok. I managed to pick at the food and find something that was okay but the truth is that I was still hungry afterwards and had to have a street snack on the way home. 

I’m not a fan of seafood generally (especially shellfish) and people tend to warn me against that especially in hotter eastern Asian countries – I’ve seen some people suffer from them in the past. More often than not, though, the food is good. I will warn that in China and Japan you have to be careful what you eat – not because it is bad, but because you don’t know what it actually is. 

For example, in China I accidentally ate jellyfish thinking it was something else, and they love insects and pets too. My recommendation is that you take a phrase book into the restaurant and show them the food you want (for example, beef, pork, chicken etc.) and they will find something that matches for you. If you are not in a tourist area in China you will be presented with a menu in Chinese and waiters/waitresses who do not speak a single word of English. Your phrase book is your best friend.

7. Do you book your travel online or classical in a travel agency?

We usually book online these days. 

8. Name three things that you cannot go anywhere without and have in your suitcase.

I assume that you don’t mean clothes, passport for example (i.e. essentials). 

Phone, books and music. 

9. Tell about a funny travel experience you had.

I’ve shared a couple of these in the past – let’s think of another one. 

Ah yes – America.

I love America but I think that there are some Americans who don’t really know too much about the United Kingdom – but they think they do.

I was in a house in Cleveland at a party and I was constantly being asked questions by the good folks at the party and some of the questions were rather weird. Here are some of them:

“Do you have microwave ovens in England?” - The answer of course is, yes! We invented the computer and the internet, you know.

“Have you ever met the Queen?” - The answer of course is no. There are over 67 million people in the United Kingdom and she is just one of them.

“I went to London once and met a guy called John Smith. Do you know him?” – See previous answer.

“Why do English people sing in an American accent?” – Actually, that is a good question for which I was unable to provide a meaningful answer.

“Can you explain the rules of cricket to me?” – Yes:

The Rules of Cricket

You have two sides, one out in the field and one in.

Each man that's in the side that's in goes out, and when he's out he comes in and the next man goes in until he's out.

When they are all out, the side that's out comes in and the side that’s been in goes out and tries to get those coming in, out.

Sometimes you get men still in and not out.

When a man goes out to go in, the men who are out try to get him out, and when he is out he goes in and the next man in goes out and goes in.

There are two men called umpires who stay out all the time and they decide when the men who are in are out.

When both sides have been in and all the men have got out, and both sides have been out twice after all the men have been in, including those who are not out, that is the end of the game!

Do you understand now?

10. Tell about a bad travel experience you’ve had.

We were robbed in the middle of the night on a cruise on the Yangtzee River. In the same cruise, we had a rat in the room who destroyed all of our toilet paper and lived in the walls. To cap matters, Mrs PM had a stomach bug too. All three problems were resolved but it was an unpleasant few days.

11. What kind of accommodation do you usually stay in when you go on trips?

We usually stay in a half decent hotel. 

12. Have you ever traveled alone by yourself? Did you like it? If not, would you want to try it?

I have never been on holiday on my own but I have travelled to foreign places on business. Perhaps the most boring was a trip to Moscow in the middle of winter, where I stayed in a town about 40km from the city in temperatures of -20 degrees Centigrade with just myself for company. I did manage to get to Moscow itself at the weekend and explore the city armed with long johns, three layers of clothes, hat, gloves, big boots and a coat that doubled my weight. I had a lovely meal in a Mexican restaurant before I had to go back – but it was quite good to explore the snowy, icy city on my own.

I prefer company though.

13. What is the first thing you do when you arrive at your destination?

Usually we dump our stuff into the hotel room, get changed quickly and get out exploring.

14. What kinds of activities do you like to do when you are traveling?

We like to explore, relax and sample the local customs and food. Sometimes we can be like stereotypical tourists and I don’t mind that. Mrs PM is braver than I am and usually tries to drag me off the beaten track to see more of the hidden country.

15. How do you like to spend your vacation? (on a cruise, backpacking, etc)

I’m not a big fan of cruises because I get stir-crazy and I think that the people on the boats are targets for overpriced trips that can be a little too touristy for my liking. I tend to prefer doing my own thing. Ideally a trip would involve exploring a new city with some relaxation involved too. I think my backpacking days are over – I’ve done that a few times in the past and it is tiring; I am too old now and want my own comforts.

16. Do you like to travel in your own country? If yes, can you recommend a place?

I love travelling in my own country. For those who haven’t been to the UK I would recommend:

London, Chester, York, Bath, Oxford, Cambridge, Cardiff, Edinburgh, The Lake District, the Peak District, the Cotswolds, Warwick (for the castle), Stratford-upon-Avon (for Shakespeare lovers), Cornwall, Liverpool, northern Scotland, North Wales and of course Manchester (if nothing else because I live here). 

I would also recommend Northern Ireland but I’ve never been there myself. That will change.

Summery Things

Welcome to South Manchester where the weather is warm and cloudy with sunny intervals. I’ve actually just been abroad for the first time since 2019.

Mrs PM and I travelled to Estepona on the south coast of Spain. It is a resort that is more Spanish and less full of tourists and while there were a few fellow British people there, it is largely unspoiled by the mob-handed people who travel to Spain expecting it to be just like England. We were able to practice our Spanish, enjoy Spanish life, go for long walks and relax by the sea.

I have missed this.

And not content with travelling to Spain, we are off to Brussels and Bruges on Thursday where we will be exploring the two cities, sampling Belgian beer and chocolate and generally doing what we do best when abroad. It’s been decades since I went to Belgium last; in fact I wouldn’t say that I visited the country really – the only time I spent there was a few hours as a student, travelling through the country on train on our way back from Germany. We spent two hours waiting for a ferry from Ostend. It will be good to actually sample the true Belgium this time.

I can’t wait.

But for now, let’s dive into some silly questions, as usual from Sunday Stealing. 

1. Favourite thing to do during the summer?

As you can see from my introduction, I love to travel and we try to get away at least twice during the summer. This year we have been to Spain and we are going to Belgium next week and Greece in September – and I may be visiting Amsterdam again with my old university pals in October.

Other than that, I like to enjoy the weather, watch cricket, enjoy a cold pint of beer in a pub garden and explore the English countryside. We have a couple of trips around England planned too. We are off to Whitby soon and also for a weekend in York. No doubt we will head to places locally too.

2. Favourite cold food/dessert/drink that gets you through the summer heat?

I love a cold beer in the summer. Failing that I will drink water and fruit juice too. I used to eat a lot of ice cream as a kid but I only eat that rarely these days – though I still like it. And you can’t beat a good barbecue – we have to watch out for rain though in the UK because although the weather is generally good, we can be hit by short sharp showers that appear without warning sometimes. It’s best to keep an eye on the sky. This is one of the reasons we British people talk about the weather so much.

3. Gone to a drive-in movie

I have been to a drive-in once and it was somewhere in the urban sprawl that is Los Angeles. I wanted to see Star Trek V: The Final Frontier but my now ex-wife preferred K9 – so we ended up watching that (much to my annoyance). It was a good experience but I prefer the cinema. We have never had drive-in’s in the UK; the weather is usually too unpredictable (see – talking about the weather AGAIN).

4. What are you planning to do this summer?

I think I answered this in question 1.

5. Did the pandemic ruin any summer plans? If so, what?

It destroyed my summer plans in 2020 and 2021 completely. The holidays we have booked this year are the ones we were planning in 2020. We may well head off to Asia next year or the year after.

6. Rode on any water mobile (jetski, ferry, boat, etc)

I have been on a jet ski once – which Mrs PM was driving with me clinging on for dear life at the back. It was fun but I don’t really fancy driving one myself.

I have been on countless ferries and boats and even a couple of hovercraft – a local one in Hong Kong from the New Territories to Hong Kong Central and an “international” one from Hong Kong to Macau.

7. Gone to a summer camp

No. This is a largely American thing I think.

8. Been to any Asian country (if not, where would you go and why? if yes, where was your favourite?)

I have been to Japan, China, Thailand, Vietnam, Hong Kong, Macau and Singapore. My clear favourite is Hong Kong – but that is really part of China now. I think I have to say that as a large country, Japan is my favourite overall. It is such a wonderful, diverse and interesting country, that is strange, friendly, scenic, futuristic and brilliant. I want to go back as soon as I can.

It would be lovely to explore some other countries too. Our next destination that way will be Malaysia but Mrs PM is currently trying to sell Cambodia and Laos to me. I think I will probably agree if we can go to Japan after that.

9. Been to any African country (if not, where would you go and why? if yes, where was your favourite and why?)

I have been to South Africa with work and unfortunately got stuck in Johannesburg, which is most definitely not the safest city on Earth. I loved the food – I had the best steak I have ever had in my life – and the people I worked with were funny and friendly. It’s a shame I didn’t really have time to explore places like Cape Town – but maybe in future.

As for other countries - we will almost certainly go to Morocco at some point and I wouldn’t mind going to Egypt.

10. Been to any North American country (if not, where would you go and why? if yes, where was your favourite and why?)

I have been the United States many times and also Canada. In America, I have been to New York, Boston, Cape Cod, Washington DC, Atlanta, most of Florida, New Orleans, Tulsa, Richmond, Williamsburg, Seattle, Alaska, San Francisco, Los Angeles, Las Vegas and Cleveland. Possibly some other places in Virginia and North Carolina too.

I think Canada is what happens if you cross the UK with the US. Canadians seem to have a similar sense of humour to the weird humour of the UK and I always feel like I am in an American city populated with British people talking with a funny accent.

I love both countries and we will no doubt head across the pond at some point in the future.

11. Been to any South American country (if not, where would you go and why? if yes, where was your favourite and why?)

I’ve been to Argentina for eight hours and apart from that I have only ever been to Brazil. I was stunned about how huge the place is. We spent three weeks there and the food was vast; I was used to huge portions in the US but Brazilians can give them a run for their money when it comes to food. Of course, we went to Rio de Janeiro – an incredible city that is lovely but also quite dangerous. I loved Iguacu Falls – they are better than Niagara Falls in my opinion.

Will we go back to South America? I am tempted to go to Argentina again – we were only there to see Iguacu Falls from the Argentinian side. I hear that Buenos Aires is a wonderful city.

12. Been to any Australian country (if not, where would you go and why? if yes, where was your favourite and why?)

Yes – I have been to Australia and I absolutely loved the place. It is enormous and we visited the east coast only. I discovered just how big it is because we drove from Brisbane to Sydney stopping off at a few places on the way and it took days! It was a proper road trip.

Earlier I said that Canadians are just like British people but Australians are even more so. I love those guys and there is a bit of a rivalry between us. I am known as a Pom and I was called one several times, especially when I mentioned that England had just won the Ashes at cricket.

“Bladdy hell! Just what I need – to find myself in a bladdy lift with a gloating Pom!”

I love them!

I want to go back but this time get across to New Zealand too.

13. Gone to a festival/fair

Yes – I have been to loads of them. Not so many these days but I do like them.

14. Gone to an amusement park

I’ve gone off amusement parks because there is nothing to do if you don’t want to be terrified by rides that basically try to turn you inside out. I avoid them these days.

15. Binge watched 5 different TV show series (what were they)

I’ve done this recently and I love doing it to wind down. Here are five I would recommend:

Vikings

Lucifer

The Expanse

The Boys

Stranger Things

Unconscious Mutterings

 

Welcome to South Manchester on a cloudy, windy but warm day. Today we are on the edge of a tropical storm that has headed north after presumably causing havoc somewhere else. Thankfully it missed the UK and the only side-effect as it dissipates are some fairly strong winds. There will be no rain today which is a bonus.

Shall we dive into some Sunday Stealing chicanery?

I say ... and you think ... ?

Hurry! ::

Fifteen years ago I would be the one saying “Hurry” if I’m honest because I hate being late for anything. These days I still hate being late but I have slowed down to a more leisurely pace of life. It’s not just about getting old; it’s about trying to enjoy life. 

When somebody tells me to hurry up, I will judge the situation and decide whether it is worth it or not. I am definitely less likely to comply these days – or ask somebody to hurry up.

Dumb ::

There are so many dumb people in the world that I despair – I really do. In days gone by I have ranted mercilessly at the stupidity of some people who say and do stupid things without thinking about the consequences. 

By the way I am not talking about people who simply don’t understand difficult things. I have a lot of patience when dealing with people through work who aren’t technical and struggle to understand the concepts of the work I do. I usually tell these people that there is no such thing as a stupid question. 

I would be in a similar situation if somebody was trying to teach me about quantum physics; I wouldn’t have a bloody clue.

But what I am talking about are people who think that the Earth is flat, or people who still think there is no need for gun control after yet another mass killing in an American school.

Fudge ::

I love fudge. Yum! That’s all I need to say.

Sturdy ::

I have a sturdy house made of brick – and thank goodness I do on a windy day like today.

Printing ::

I used to do a lot of printing at work; documents, program listings and all manner of tree-destroying nonsense. These days in the office I rarely print anything. Everything is electronic – even signing documents. I have a printer at home and I only need that now for printing and signing important personal stuff – and that is rare. 

Even concert tickets don’t need to be printed any more. Mrs PM and I are going to see the new Jurassic World movie this afternoon and my tickets are on my phone – which is great. We can even check in for flights now without the need to print out things.

It’s a good thing and is yet another small step for combatting climate change.

Itch ::

June is hay fever season for me and thankfully it is improving year after year so these days I don’t have to take any medication for it. When I was younger, this allergy used to make me itch in places that I thought it was impossible to itch. My eyes were red raw and itched so much I felt like plucking them out. And my nose – how can the inside of your nose itch so much? 

I was a mess; streaming eyes, snot running from my nose like a waterfall, constant sneezing (once so much that my nose started to bleed) and a constant terrible itch up each nostril and around my eyes.

Thank goodness that this has largely disappeared now – one of the benefits of getting older. 

I still itch occasionally but it is well within my tolerance levels.

Creaks ::

My knees creak sometimes. I never expected that to happen. I walk a lot (an average of about 8000 steps a day) and sometimes I hear and feel creaks. No pain yet (thankfully) but I guess this is one of the bad things about getting old.

Paste ::

The word “paste” goes along with the word "cut". I write documents and move things around by cutting them and then pasting them somewhere else. 

I haven’t used real paste for decades – and that was to put up wallpaper – a really horrible chore. I pay somebody to do it now in about 5% of the time it takes me (and they do a much better job).

Waste of time ::

Listening to any words spoken by the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom, the clown prince of scarecrows. Every word that he utters is a lie and total bullshit. I’ve heard him speak and I won’t get any of that time back.

Let down ::

I try not to let people down; as a rule I hate doing so and even when I have to I feel terribly guilty and try my best to make it up to them.

Cancellation ::

There have been a lot of people in the UK suffering from flight cancellations and as a result have had their entire holidays ruined. 

Next weekend we are jetting off to Spain – my first foreign trip for over two and a half years. If anything gets cancelled I will be livid. I am praying that I can get there. No doubt you will find out soon enough because if my flights are cancelled there will be a very irate ranting blog post about it.

Suspect ::

I suspect that Boris Johnson has never told the truth.I may be wrong about that actually because when asked his name he usually gets that right – or does he? His real full name is Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson – I mean – come on – de Pfeffel? 

Fireplace ::

I have had to buy a fireguard in order to stop Star(dust), the smaller of our two cats, from climbing up the chimney. In winter, she sat watching the fire with a puzzled look on her face and then actually tried to swipe the flames with her paw. She can’t do that now. Ziggy, the other cat, has more sense and has never been as daft as Star(dust).

Spring ::

Spring is almost over in the UK and summer starts very soon. Officially this is in ten days but the weather is pretty good at the moment – warm and pleasant (with the odd bit of rain). July and August are usually the hottest months in rainy old Manchester.

Commute ::

I’ve been working from home during the pandemic with the odd trip to the office but starting next week we have been told that we have to go back into the office for two days a week. I actually achieve more when I am working from home because I get fewer interruptions and I can pick and choose who I talk to. 

I like the guys I work with and it will be good to see more of them but my work rate will go down – that’s for sure.

Places ::

I am going abroad at least three times this year (hopefully). The first place is Estepona in the south of Spain – I’ve never been there before. In July we are going to Brussels and Bruges in Belgium. I have only ever been through Belgium on a train and I am looking forward to sampling some of that wonderful Belgian beer and also Belgian chocolate. Finally in September we are going to Zante in Greece. There may also be a university reunion in Amsterdam too – that needs to be arranged depending on when my mate can get across from America.

Fraud ::

I am so wary of fraud and it pays to be totally paranoid. We are constantly getting warnings about this at work, and a lot of it is common sense. Be very careful and trust nobody – you will probably not suffer from fraud if you take that approach.

Adoption ::

I don’t know anybody who is adopted – apart from my two cats.

Election ::

Somehow Boris the Clown is still in power despite lying about breaking the law during lockdown (if you don’t know about this look up Partygate to get all of the gory details). I wish there was an election right now because maybe then we can finally get rid of this Worzel Gummidge lookalike.

Moving day ::

I don’t ever plan to move house again. Of course, circumstances might change, for example if I were to win the lottery and buy a huge house somewhere, but I am happy to stay where I am and not have to go through the pain of moving house.

Peculiarly Platinum

 

The UK is a peculiar place at the best of times but this weekend it is crazier than ever. 

In the past we have stupidly voted ourselves out of the EU and also elected a clown/scarecrow hybrid as our Prime Minister but at the moment, we are spending a hell of a lot of money to celebrate the fact that a 96 year old woman has reigned over us for 70 years. 

We have been given two extra days off to go mad – and some people have been doing just that.

Yes, it’s that time again in the UK where we can forget the fallout from the pandemic, the cost of living crisis that is making a lot of people struggle and insteead we can spend tons of money on a four day party to celebrate the 70th anniversary of a woman called Elizabeth Windsor ascending to the throne. 

Some people in the UK go absolutely bananas about royal festivals such as this and we’ve had our fair share of them over the past few years, with her golden and diamond jubilees and a couple of royal weddings thrown in for good measure.

Watching television at this time is absolutely dreadful. We become so jingoistic that I struggle to believe it. Every street has a Union Jack flapping in the wind and some pubs are covered in bunting to remind us all that we are British and eccentric.

So far I have largely managed to avoid the excessive coverage of the events, some of which Elizabeth cannot attend because, at the age of 96, she is feeling her age. She was out and about on Thursday for the ceremonial nonsense that she has to endure but she felt “uncomfortable” so she is missing the remaining events and her eldest son, the next king, will be attending as her representative. His name is Charles Windsor and he is an odd fellow but people seem to like him.

Now you are probably reading this and thinking that I don’t like the royal family. You would be wrong; I simply don’t care about them and if it were up to me I would just pay them off and let them live in peace and quiet somewhere, allowing them to escape the constant attention of the press under the proviso that I never have to hear about any of them ever again.

I know people who love them (they are called “royalists”) and these people become over-excited whenever a royal event like this happens. These are the people who dress up in Union Jack clothes, gush about the family saying things like “Oh aren’t they just WONDERFUL”. 

Such people queue up for days on the Mall in London just to catch a glimpse of Elizabeth and her family. If you ever see one of them being interviewed on TV, it is quite funny – and sad – to see them fawning in a sycophantic way that makes me want to throw up in a bucket. These people line up for days outside hospital waiting for a royal birth and then gush about the event as if the child were related to them.

Elizabeth is arguably the most famous person in the world and probably one of the richest. My feelings for her are the same feelings I have for any other 96 year old woman. She has done really well to still be compos mentis and mobile at her advanced age, and she has been on the throne for so long that I have never known another monarch. I guess that will change soon and we will see another bout of madness as royalists mourn her loss. 

I don’t wish her ill but I have to say I just don’t get it. I don’t understand why people seem to worship Elizabeth and her family. Some fellow Brits reading this might agree with me but I reckon that royalists will pour scorn on my words, even though I have not actually said anything bad. Why I should feel subservient to a woman who is where she is because of what she born is beyond me. I have no desire to ever meet her or any of here family and if I did I wouldn’t bow or prostrate myself in front of her. I would not call her “Your Majesty” or “Ma’am” and I may even ask her if she minded being called Liz or Betty.

The good thing about this mad weekend is that British people love a party and we have taken advantage of the time off work to meet family and friends and raise a glass to ourselves, rather than the monarch. Also, our lying clown/scarecrow hybrid of a Prime Minister was roundly booed when he arrived at a service yesterday – which shows me that the moron is as unpopular as ever, especially having lied to the British public so consistently over his period in office.

Anyway – there are still two days left of this craziness and it will hopefully be back to normality on Monday morning and we won’t have to listen to lots of old twaddle from royalists – well maybe we’ll still have to endure some of it I guess – it never really goes away. 

Anyway – for those of you who haven’t seen anything, here is a taste of the madness that has engulfed my country over the past day or two.

15 More Questions (from 5000)

Welcome to South Manchester where the weather is cloudy with a very slim chance of rain, but still quite warm. 

Shall we dive into some silly questions from Sunday Stealing? 

1. Who do you take for granted?

I don’t think I take anybody for granted. I guess if there is a chance that I do then it would probably be Mrs PM. However, Mrs PM is a strong independent woman and I reckon that if she thought I was taking her for granted then she would almost certainly tell me in no uncertain terms. I don’t really want to ask her – just in case I do.

2. Short, knee, or ankle skirts?

If you have read this blog before you will know that I am a bloke. I know that there are men who wear skirts but I am not one of them. In fact, I can honestly say, with my hand on my heart, that I have never worn a skirt or even been tempted to – even for a laugh.

I can answer the question though just shifting the attention to skirts on women. 

I like short, knee and ankle skirts on ladies and I know women who wear all three (not at once – that would be silly). Of course it depends on the occasion and what else is being worn but I am happy with all of them. 

3. Do you wear a hat?

I only wear a hat when it is very hot, the sun is blazing down and I am stuck outside. I wore a hat last Saturday because it was rather warm and sunny in Manchester and I will no doubt take it to one of the four cricket matches I am going to this summer. 

I will also take it to Spain and Greece on holiday later in the year.

4. Who's your favourite cartoon character?

When it comes to adult cartoons – this guy:

And when I was a kid I loved this guy:

5. Does break dancing impress you?

I don’t get break dancing – I never have – but the answer is yes, it does impress me. I couldn’t do it.

6. Are you a miracle?

We are ALL miracles dear reader. When you think about how likely your existence is, given what has happened since the dawn of time and the Big Bang, the probability of you actually existing is so low that the fact you are here reading this garbage is an absolute miracle.

You are special dear reader, as am I.

7. Have you ever eaten tofu?

Yes, I’ve eaten it a couple of time. It’s okay if not a little bland.

8. Does the moon have an effect on your mood?

I used to be a werewolf but I’m okay NOOOOWWWWWWOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

As far as I know, the noon doesn’t affect me personally. I am sure that it does at some deep level. After all, you can see the effect it has on the oceans. But do I feel it’s influence? Not at all. I might miss it when it is gone. Let’s hope this never happens:

9. Many people will say that the Harry Potter books are pure fluff with no literary value. Do you agree?

I loved the Harry Potter books. I wasn’t going to read them at all and Mrs PM was singing their praises having read the first three of them. I thought they were just kids’ books. However, one day I woke up feeling terrible, full of cold and totally unable to work. I lay there in bed feeling sorry for myself and I spied Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone on a chest of drawers. 

I was bored so I decided to give it a go and basically devoured it in a few hours. I was ill the next day too so I read the second book. 

And I became a fan. 

The writing isn’t brilliant, I have to say but it does work. 

And I also love the movies too.

10. What are you doing next Wednesday?

Wednesday is a busy day next week. I usually work from home but that day I am going into the office because we are being taken out for a free lunch because a recent project was installed successfully. Later in the evening I am going out for a couple of beers with some of the lads from my team. I don’t normally drink during the week but I thought I would make an exception this time. 

11. Why do so many people think Elvis is still alive?

I honestly don’t know. I don’t think that people have ever been able to come to terms with the fact that he died so young.

Of course it is possible that he is still around – he would be 87 years old – but I seriously doubt that he faked his own death to hide from the mafia (which is the most common one).

You just have to accept it when a musical hero passes away. Some of mine have done so over the years and I just accept it. 

Mind you, I love a good conspiracy theory (even though I rarely believe them) and the fact that some people have invented stories about the so-called king is amazing. Good for them – they’ve kept me entertained.

12. Are your hands cold?

My hands are never cold apart from when I am outside in winter.   

13. Have you ever given blood?

Yes – once. And I nearly passed out. I haven’t given it since and I do feel guilty about that.

14. What Sci-fi books do you read?

I have read hundreds of science fiction books. I favour space operas but I am willing to try anything, even hard science fiction where the science blows your mind.

I’m not fussy really. 

15. Have you ever belonged to a sorority or a fraternity?

No. We don’t have fraternities or sororities in the UK.

Hodgepodge

Welcome to a warm and sunny afternoon in May. 

Shall we dive into a bunch of silly questions from Sunday Stealing? 

1. Where do you get your news these days?

Our news channels in the UK are largely unbiased because they have to be. I wish I could say the same for newspapers. There are a few satellite/cable channels that lean towards the left or right but I tend to avoid those.

The channel I usually get my news from is the good old reliable BBC who, to be fair, do approach the news from different perspectives allowing the views from both sides. This is unlike some American channels like Fox News. Obviously I don’t watch Fox news as I am not interested in American politics at all – I just hear about their bias from shows that I watch from there.

As for the BBC, the right wing usually accuse them of having a left bias and the left wing accuse them of being right wing. This is the price they pay for approaching the news in the way that they do.

Personally, I think they are fine.

2. Do you like crab meat? What makes you crabby?

I haven’t had crab meat since I was in Atlanta, Georgia many years ago. I went to a seafood restaurant and got a huge bucket of crab and a weird implement to use to extract the meat from the legs. I had to be shown how to use it. It was lovely I have to say.

What makes me crabby? This cretin:

3. Does freedom mean more choices? Have you ever felt there were too many choices? Elaborate.

Freedom in what sense? As I’ve said before, I don’t think that we are free. We live under the illusion that we are free but when reality bites you will find that you don’t have the freedom described by your government. Certainly some countries have more than others but the bottom line is that we are not that free at all.

I am naturally indecisive and so I hate it when there are too many choices. For example, I recently bought an electric piano and I agonized for weeks about the best one to buy. I am happy with my choice but it took loads of research. Now I am looking for a new 10 inch tablet and the market is flooded with such items so I have to go through the same pain again.

I suppose it’s good to have a lot of choice but there is a limit to my patience.

4. Barbara Millicent Roberts was introduced to the world on March 9, 1959...that's Barbie to most of us. Did you have Barbies as a kid, or did you let your own children play with Barbies? What well known Barbara (living or not) would you most like to meet?

I am a guy so I didn’t have Barbie dolls as a child. I had two sons and they didn’t have Barbie dolls either. 

I know one person called Barbara, someone I used to work with who is now retired. Two guys I used to work with (also retired) have wives called Barbara.  I guess the most famous persons I have heard of called Barbara are Barbara Streisand and Barbara Windsor, so I will say those two ladies would be on my list to meet.

5. What are three things you value most in another person?

I like people who are funny, honest and sincere.

6. How would you define “old.”  At what age is a person old?

I am 59 years old and while cheeky younger people refer to me as “old” I don’t actually feel old at all. My perception of “old” has changed over the years. When I was a kid, I would have thought 30 was old. When I was 20 I though 50 was old. Now I think of 70 as old. 

And really I am old when I think about it as I will be retiring in a few years. Let’s say 65.

7. A place you’ve been that’s “old.”  Tell us something about your visit there.

I have been to lots of old places, like the Palace of Knossos in Greece, the Colosseum in Rome (and the Forum) and the Great Wall of China. The Great Wall of China was the most impressive and there were several things that struck me about it:

First, it is huge. The bit that we saw is the most touristy bit and it was flooded with visitors.

Next, it very old, some parts dating from the 7th century BC. 

Next, it is very steep in places. If you want to walk along it, be prepared to climb some steps and really steep bits.

Finally it isn’t straight. It winds through the countryside sometimes doubling back on itself and I often wondered why they didn’t make it straight.

It is really impressive though. Here are some photos and if you look carefully you can see Mrs PM in one of them.

8. Something you miss about the “good old days.”  When were they?

The good old days were probably the 1980’s and early 1990’s. I miss being young, I miss decent music being in the charts, I miss university life and a general feeling that the future was going to be amazing. I don’t think the future has become quite as brilliant as I anticipated with wars, pandemics, Brexit and all the pain those things are bringing. I am quite happy despite this and looking forward to another time when I feel as positive as I did back then.

9. In what way are you a 'chip off the old block'? Or if you'd rather, in what way is your child a 'chip off the old block'?

I look just like my dad. He died at the young age of 44 but until that moment the resemblance between the two of us was uncanny. In a similar way, that family resemblance has passed down to my two lads who look very similar to me. Myself and my two lads are really close and although we don’t see each other as often as we would like, we still have a lot of fun together.

Mrs PM calls us “the clones”. Judge for yourself:

10. Old fashioned, Old Testament, old timer, same old same old, old glory, good old boy, old wives tale...choose an 'old' phrase that relates to something in your life or the wider world currently and explain.

For the last ten years I have been called a grumpy old git because I have spent a lot of time ranting about all manner of things. This year I decided that I wasn’t going to be grumpy and that I am going to try to be more positive. It is an uphill struggle, believe me, but so far I have managed to take a deep breath and stay silent when watching the news for example. There is so much crap going on at home and in the world at the moment that the need to look for the good things in life is something I want to do. This time last year, for example, when Boris “the clown” Johnson appeared on TV talking utter bollocks I would yell at the TV and hurl all manner of abuse at the clown/scarecrow hybrid. These days I just shake my head and say nothing. Inside I want to scream but I control myself. 

I just want to be an old git.

11. July 5th is National Hawaii Day...have you ever been to Hawaii? Any desire to visit or make a return trip? Pineapple, mango, or guava...what's your pleasure?

No, I haven’t been to Hawaii. Mrs PM has with one of her old jobs. I followed her to Las Vegas but Hawaii was a bit of a stretch given how long it would take to get there and the time I would need to take off work.

I haven’t ruled it out though. If you live in Hawaii you might see me one day.

Pineapple, mango or guava? I prefer pineapple but I love all three of them.

12. Last time you were 'thrown in at the deep end'? Explain.

It’s happened a lot in my job. One example:

I was working in Hong Kong in 1999 and, almost as an afterthought, I was invited to a meeting. The way it was put to me, I was just going for a quick chat with a couple of people. When I turned up, I was confronted by about ten people. The guy who had invited me introduced me than introduced everybody else to me. They were all high level managerial types and I thought to myself “What’s this?”

I found out.

“Dave, we’re concerned about the millennium bug. Can you give us a presentation about your computer system and tell us all where all the risks lie and whether we are going to have an issue on 31st December 1999?”

I had prepared nothing, had no warning and basically had to convince these guys that all hell wasn’t going to break loose come the millennium.

I almost told them to rearrange the meeting to allow me to prepare. Basically I had to describe the system in great detail and convince these guys that the system would be fine. It took me about two hours and I have to admit that I winged it a little bit. Every time I uttered a sentence it was “Will the bug affect that?” 

“No,” I said. I probably used that word several hundred times in those two hours. 

At the end I discovered that some big manager had started panicking and called for several such meetings immediately. And when told to jump his subordinates jumped, giving people no time to actually sort themselves out. 

In the end, as I predicted, nothing happened with the Millennium Bug. The truth is that as software engineers we had been preparing for it for at least ten years. I found it hilarious when people were convinced that aircraft would fall out of the sky or that your toaster would either start attacking you or explode. 

They all thought that this would happen:

13. Sun, sea, sand, salt...your favourite when it comes to summer?

It’s good to get outside in the sun (as I will be this afternoon). I also like travelling and we are off to Belgium, Spain and Greece this year. Spain and Greece in particular will be fantastic and I can’t wait.

14. Bury your head in the sand, the sands of time, draw a line in the sand, pound sand, shifting sands...pick one and tell us how the phrase currently relates to your life in some way.

Shifting sands I guess. Recent things like the pandemic, Putin’s crazy war and Brexit have meant that odd things have happened and continue to happen worldwide. Also, winding down to retirement means more changes in my life. The next few years are going to be – well interesting to say the least.

15. On a scale of 1-10 (1 = make your own rules and 10=like a warden), how strict were your parents? If you're a parent where on the scale do you land? 

My dad was a lot less strict that my mum. I think my dad wanted us to thrive as kids and, quite rightly in my opinion, he used to encourage us to do stuff. Sadly a lot of the time he deferred to my mum and she was strict and put paid to any ideas we had. 

I think she did it out of love because she was terrified that things may happen to us as a consequence. But it could be frustrating and caused a couple of arguments as I tried to rebel against her wishes – which probably explains the rebellious side of me that surfaced between the ages of about 11 and 18. 

It was only when I grew taller than her that I started ignoring her and laughing when she scolded me, which led to a few fallings out. 

When my dad died, though, things changed and my mum and I became a lot closer.

So on a scale of 1 to 10, my dad was probably a 4 and my mum an 8 giving an average of 6.

Likes

 

Welcome to a fairly pleasant South Manchester with a blue sky but the threat of rain later, potentially. I don’t mind – the days are getting longer, the nights shorter, the temperature is rising and we are heading for summer. 

What’s not to like?

Shall we dive into some silly questions from Sunday Stealing? 

1. Do you like your handwriting?

It’s readable, I think so I guess the answer is yes. Judge for yourself. Here is an excerpt from my university notes (and this is as neat as it gets). It’s the same now but probably a little scruffier because I don’t write as much as I used to. It’s all on the computer now.

2. Do you like roller coasters?

When I was a kid I used to love them. However, something changed when I reached about thirty or forty and now I hate them. I think it was a huge ride somewhere in America that flipped me. I waited to get on the thing and it arrived with the pervious victims, some of whom were whooping and saying “ALRIGHT!” and high fiving each other in the way that our American cousins do. But then I noticed a few people get off with faces drained of blood saying “I am NEVER riding that thing again!”.

That made me nervous – but I got on anyway.

And I hated it. I was hurled around like paper bag in a hurricane and when I finally got off the thing, my heart was racing, my head was spinning and I felt pain when I had been bruised as then thing slammed to a halt. 

I have never been on a rollercoaster since.

3. Do you like scary movies?

I used to love them but now I find them a little boring. I remember watching The Exorcist and it scared me to death and I have never seen one since that has had the same effect. The problem these days is that they are there to make you jump and I find myself trying to predict when such moments will occur. I find films like Saw too disturbing so I don’t watch those gory films.

However, I have enjoyed some fairly recently. 

I liked Ring (the Japanese version is genuinely brilliant), Paranormal Activity and the two “It” movies based on the Stephen King novel. 

Usually I don’t bother unless somebody recommends them to me. 

4. Do you like shopping?

This is déjà vu. I used to like shopping but not now. When Mrs PM says “shall we go shopping?” I usually decline unless it is absolutely necessary. There is nothing worse than shopping with your wife/girlfriend for the following reasons:

(a) It takes hours.

(b) I end up waiting outside a changing room with other depressed and grumpy men. These changing rooms are usually adjacent to the women’s underwear department so there is nothing to see other than bras and panties – and that adds to the depression because you end up looking at the floor so you don’t appear to be a weird pervert.

(c) You have to answer the world’s most difficult question over and over again: “How does this look on me?”

These days I do 95% of my shopping online.

5. Do you like to talk on the phone?

Again (déjà vu) I used to do this a lot but now my phone conversations are limited to calling up companies to help me or to complain or things like that. Most communication these days is face to face or via some form of social media or application like WhatsApp. 

I feel sad about this – I think we are losing something.

6. Do you sleep with the lights on or off?

Mrs PM says that I have “see through eyelids” because whenever there is the slightest bit of light, I wake up. I love this time of year but the one disadvantage is that it gets light at 4am and I wake up early a lot of the time. We do have blackout curtains but occasionally the dawn light gets through gaps. 

I sleep with the lights off – definitely.

7. Do you use headphones or earphones?

I use both. When I am working or practicing the piano, I use headphones. When I am walking, I have my iPod and earbuds. 

I like both really.

8. Do you have tattoos?  Do you want any?

I have no tattoos nor do I want any. 

They are too permanent and I am starting to droop.

9. Do you wear glasses?

Yes. I have to wear them otherwise I would stumble around and bump into things.

10. What is your strangest talent?

I can say the first word of this song:

I learned this when I was a kid and I can still say it:

I am basically a weird person.

11. Have you ever been in the hospital?

I’ve been in a hospital several times to visit people but I have never spent a night in one. 

I hate hospitals.

12. What colour mostly dominates your wardrobe?

I would say that blue is the dominant colour. Mrs PM does her best to change that – I am wearing a red T-shirt as I type and have several other colours. But blue is the main one.

13. What’s your most expensive piece of clothing?

I would say that is the suit that I bought recently for a wedding. 

Guess what colour it is?

Blue!

14. Have you ever had braces?

What sort of braces?

I have never worn this kind:

but I have worn two different sets of teeth braces. I hated wearing them. They were a right pain in the rear end – and the teeth as well. 

15. Have you ever been on TV?

Only by accident. I have seen myself in the crowd at a football match and also at a cricket match. The last one was hilarious. 

England were playing New Zealand in a 20-20 game at Old Trafford cricket ground in Manchester. I was with two mates and had a full pint of beer. One of the New Zealand batsmen decided to choose that moment to hit a six. Moreover, he calculated that the best place hit it was at me.

The bowler ran up, bowled a loose ball and the batsman caught it perfectly. I watched with a smile as it sailed into the air. Now cricket balls are really hard and as a kid I have suffered with them when they have hit me. So as you can imagine, as the ball sailed through the air towards me, I started to panic. My mate pointed at it and said “It’s coming this way”. It landed about two rows in front of me but for a moment I was convinced it was going to hit my head.

What did I do to avoid this catastrophe?

I didn’t do what any normal man would do and try to duck or avoid the projectile. 

Instead I panicked and spilled approximately a quarter of a pint of lager down my shirt. 

When I got home, I watched the highlights on TV and saw the whole thing again – the look of amusement as the batsman hit the ball, my mate pointing at the ball as it flew towards us, the look of sheer panic on my face as I realized it was on a possible collision course with my head, a tsunami of lager cascading down my pristine T-shirt, the look of embarrassment on my face when I realized what had happened and the laughter of my two mates and a couple of others as they saw my beer-soaked shirt.

Not a good appearance; it’s a good job I’m not famous.