Fill It In

In the UK we are now in day 34 of our lockdown and faced with the prospect of two or three weeks more at least. The good news is that the weather has been good so we have been able to sit in the sunshine in the garden and at least been given a tantalising glimpse of what normal life is like.

Sadly, today, the weather is starting to turn a little and the clear blue skies we have enjoyed are now filled with clouds and the prospect of rain later in the afternoon. So what better time to have a little light relief and answer a few silly questions on Sunday Stealing.

1. Right now I'm _____.

Right now I am listening to "(Don’t Fear) The Reaper" by Blue Öyster Cult and sitting down at my desk in the back room answering questions for Sunday Stealing. I have a cup of tea at my side in my special Game of Thrones mug (which I won’t share with you as it includes my name – very geeky – but to give you a brief idea of what it is like, it contains a picture of a dragon and text similar to “Lord Plastic of House Mancunian” – you get the idea).

2. _____ is my well-known quirk.

Trying to be funny is my well-known quirk. The weird thing is that when I actually really try to be funny, like telling a joke, I fail miserably. People say things like “Well it must have been funny at the time” or “Don’t give up your day job Dave” – yet when I am in normal conversation with people I can make them laugh with just a quick observation, a witty ditty or a massive rant.

3. Are you _____?

Are you as stunned as I am every time Donald Trump opens his mouth? This week has been an absolute nightmare for the Orange Goblin and I am still incredulous that this creature is President of the United States of America. Inject yourself with disinfectant? What on earth is he taking?

Mind you, we’re not much better in the UK. We have the Clown Prince of Buffoonery as our leader, a man whose attitude to the virus was so stupid that he went to a hospital full of people with COVID-19 and made a point that he would “shake their hands”. Guess what?  The bloody idiot caught it. I think he may be taking it seriously now he has been out of action for weeks.

The world is mad! MAD!

4. _____ first, then _____!

Beer first, then another beer. During the week I abstain from alcohol so that I can concentrate on work but at the weekend, five days of pent up frustration force me to open up my beer fridge and crack a couple of cans to relax. It is a high spot and I miss the pub immensely.

5. That's why _____.

That's why I am now a cynical and grumpy old git. Every time I switch on the news, listen to politicians or read newspapers I just want to rant and rant and rant. The news is bad but it also allows politicians to pontificate about their own agenda with speeches full of lies and interviews where they avoid answering the questions asked. Absolute charaltans the lot of them. And don’t get me started on newspapers …

6. _____ is one of my favourite tv shows ever!

Babylon 5 is one of my favourite TV shows ever. At the moment there are a lot of recent shows that are right up there (like Breaking Bad, Stranger Things) but I am currently rewatching the entire five series as I do my ironing every week (to break the tedious monotony of ironing my shirts) and I have to say I am still enjoying it despite the fact that it is now slightly dated.

Politics and intrigue in space all with aliens and monsters. Wonderful.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to _____, tomorrow my plans include _____ and Sunday, I want to _____!

Since today is Sunday, let’s talk about next weekend.

And as for the weekend, tonight I’m looking forward to enjoying a Friday night pub night in my lounge with Mrs PM, with a couple of beers and a pizza, tomorrow my plans include going for our daily exercise of a walk down by the rivers and a little writing, reading and watching TV and Sunday I want to go for another walk and do something fun in the house (as well as the mundane chores we have to do) before enjoying a lovely evening meal.

My life sounds so boring under the current circumstances.

8. If I could go anywhere on a road trip, I'd go to _____.

If I could go anywhere on a road trip, I’d go to the south of Spain via France. This would mean driving from Manchester to Folkestone and then through the Channel Tunnel and into France, visiting Paris and other lovely towns and villages, before heading south into Spain and the south coast via Madrid. I am thinking this might be something I really do when I retire.

9. _____ is something I don't understand.

Brexit is something I don’t understand. I am not going to dwell on our reasons for leaving the European Union because, quite frankly, I don’t know what they are. I have a history of ranting about this but recently I have tried to engage people who wanted to leave to find out if I was missing something. And not one of them can tell me why it is a good thing to leave, nor any benefits for us as a country. The pandemic we are suffering will seriously hit our economy and after that we have the prospect of a similar hit due to Brexit. The future is not bright for the UK and part of it is self-inflicted. I just don’t get it.

10. Thanksgiving makes me think of _____

Thanksgiving makes me think of Americans. I am British and we don’t have it so what else can I say?

11. _____ is the best way to relax!

Travelling is the best way to relax! I am not talking about the act of getting to your destination (which is far from relaxing) but when you arrive, there is nothing better than wandering around, taking in a new place and allowing yourself to mingle with people from another culture.

12. It looks like Autumn _____.

It looks like Autumn will be about six months away (as it is normally at the end of April).

13. _____ is one of my favourite healthy snacks.

Fruit is one of my favourite healthy snacks.

14. The smell of _____ makes me think of _____.

The smell of freshly mown grass makes me think of summer walks in the countryside.

15. When I am feeling lazy I _____.

When I am feeling lazy I watch a lot of rubbish on the TV.

16. When I look to the left, I see ______________.

When I look to the left I see my back garden.

17. ___________ are the room(s) that have the best view in my home.

The back bedrooms are the room(s) that have the best view in my home. From there I can see my own small garden and those of my neighbours.

18. _________ was done dirt cheap!

Dirty Deeds – of course. What else?

19. __________ is a responsibility that all qualified citizens must share.

At the moment (and perhaps always), trying to change our world for the better by creating a caring and sharing society is a responsibility that all qualified citizens must share.

20. If you have any __________feel free to share it with me.

If you have any decent ideas to break the monotony of lockdown feel free to share them with me.

Quirks

It is day 27 of the lockdown and I am looking out of the window upon a bright sunny day with a few clouds in the sky. It is the perfect day to go outside and do something interesting – except we can’t. Apart from the walk that Mrs PM and I took down by the River Mersey this morning, we are now stuck inside for the rest of the day (though we maygo and sit in the garden for a while later).

What better way to spend the time than to answer some more questions from Sunday Stealing which seem to be quirky – a word that has been used to describe me in the past.

Let’s dive in and see just how quirky I am then, shall we?

1.   Did you become what you wanted to be when you grew up? Are you happy with your choice?

No. When I was a kid I didn’t know what I wanted to be to be honest. I did briefly consider being an actor after I was about to star in a musical play at junior school about Aesop and his fables. Sadly the play was cancelled but I had played the Prince in Sleeping Beauty and also the Gryphon in Alice in Wonderland. Then I wanted to be a singer – the problem was my voice then, as now, sounded like a cat being strangled.

I chose the easy way out – do something I was good at, rather than something I wanted to do. And now I am stuck with what was considered a very geeky career – doing daily battle with computers.

At first I was happy because to me it was easy. I never understood why people cannot handle computers – I still don’t. But now I am bored with it. It is a chore. I don’t challenge myself any more. Thankfully my career is nearly over (we are talking four or five years) so I shall rid myself of that particular burden.

Is it too late to do something new?

Judging by some of the famous singers and actors out there whose vocals are worse than mine and whose acting skills are so wooden, maybe I could have and still can do it.

It’s a thought but I prefer creativity. I enjoy writing and I am still learning – so I shall do that.

2.    Did man really go to the moon or was it a publicity stunt?

I love conspiracy theories and this is one of my favourites. The main story is that the Americans were so paranoid and desperate to better the Soviets that they filmed the entire moon landing in a studio to say “We did it – NER NER NERNER NER!”

I don’t buy it. I think the Americans got there. I do wonder why we haven’t been back for decades though.

3.    Given the opportunity to change one major aspect of your life (i.e. career, relationship, family) with no guarantee of the outcome, would you take the chance? Why?

As I said in question 1 I would change my career if I could. As I approach the end of it, I can start looking at alternatives but as hobbies. The good news is that if I fail or don’t like my choices, I can just move on without risk. I like that.

4.    Does money buy happiness?

Money certainly contributes to happiness. One of my passions is travelling and I am grateful to have been able to visit lots of places thanks to the money I have earned as a geek. So in a certain way the answer it yes. I wouldn’t like to be obscenely rich though if I am honest. I would end up giving most of it away to worthy causes and to help others.

5.    What is the first thing you do when you wake up in the morning?

I sleep without my glasses so the first thing I do is reach over to my bedside table so that I can find them. Without my glasses I can’t see the bedside alarm clock so I don’t know what time it is. The only problem is that when I am groping around I end up putting my greasy fingers all over the lenses and for a while, until I have cleaned them, my vision is very foggy.

6.    What are we going to do when we run out of room to bury the dead?

I would guess that we will cremate people. What else would we do? Blast them into space?

7.    What is your greatest fear? Why? Is it rational or unreasonable?

I have a few irrational fears. Probably the greatest is a fear of heights. I never used to be scared of heights and I vividly recall being at the top of the Eiffel Tower and marvelling at how wonderful the view is. In the past three decades however, my fear has got to the point where I will avoid anything that is high. Stupidly I have tried to conquer my fear on several occasions and each time I have failed.

It is irrational I think because it is not dangerous to be at the top of a skyscraper – falling off yes but not if you are looking through a window. I just don’t get why it has happened. It’s madness.

8.    How do you feel about the exploitation of your private data in the digital age? Does it ever cross your mind or are you hyper-aware of the risks?

Working in the world of IT has taught me that your private data can be accessible. All it takes is a dedicated and capable hacker. Forget what you see in movies – it is not that simple. However, it is definitely possible and sometimes people can be their own worst enemies by using simple passwords, giving away details to people who ask via phishing emails etc. If you have your wits about you, you should be fine.

As far as social media is concerned, you should also limit the amount of personal details you publish online. I am very careful what I reveal. Okay as “The Plastic Mancunian” I am merely an anonymous blogger and dabble in social media as that alias but I still reveal very little about who I really am, who my family and friends are etc.  Some people know who I really am – and I don’t mind that – but generally I prefer the anonymity.

9.    You can be forgiven one debt. What is it? If you don’t have debt, then how did you do it?

I don’t have any debts, having paid off my mortgage a year or two ago. I did it by overpaying when I could. I would recommend it.

10.    Hot or cold?

I think I prefer to be hotter rather than colder – but not too hot.

11.    What is your favourite thing in the world (aside from family, friends, pets)?

Probably travelling abroad – something I can’t do at the moment and won’t be able to do for a while yet. I love getting away to foreign countries and trying to immerse myself into different cultures. If I win the lottery, the first thing I shall do is book a round the world ticket, travelling to as many countries as I can.

12.    You have to give up one of your five senses. Which one would you go without?

I wrote an entire blog post about this way back in 2011 – here it is.

I came to the conclusion in a roundabout way that if forced, I would give up my sense of smell.

13.    Do you believe everyone has a doppelgänger?

Yes. I have several. I look like these guys:

If you don’t believe me …

Here is another post I wrote way back in 2015 about my doppelgängers

14.    Likewise, does everyone have a soulmate or is it just a matter of proximity and circumstance?

Yes, I do – and not just one. I think proximity and circumstance have something to do with it. I reckon that if I were young free and single and decided to move to a foreign country I would manage to find a soulmate wherever I went.

15.    Imagine you have a theme song that plays every time you enter a room. What would your song be?

Now there’s a challenge! Wait a moment while I look through my collection of songs (it may take a while).

Hey, hey, hey

I'm back in your face like I've never been away

I'm back in your face and it's where I'm gonna stay

Like a runaway mack, like a union jack

I'm back

Coronavirus Part 2

We are now in day 20 of the Lockdown on Easter Sunday so it seems fitting to answer a few more questions from Sunday Stealing about the reason that we are in this situation – the Coronavirus.

Shall we dive in?

1 – What is something you are doing due to the pandemic that you normally don’t do? After the pandemic will you continue to so this?

Being a mild sufferer from OCD and a rampant hypochondriac I have been very carefully avoiding anything that could pass on the virus – like door handles, other people etc. Being in lockdown is a massive help to be fair although in the UK we can take daily exercise outside once a day. My exercise of choice is my usual one – a good walk. However, even that has been fraught with danger to Captain Hypochondria and Captain OCD. So I have been avoiding the periods of time when I think most people will be out and about.

My daily routine on a work day involves getting up at the crack of dawn (around 6am) and immediately going for a walk (about half an hour). I don’t even get into the shower first, effectively just cleaning my teeth and going straight outside – having got dressed of course (I wouldn’t inflict my undressed self on anybody).

My hair is, of course, an uncontrolled mess having not been beaten into submission by a shower so I walk our streets and the local park with a grim and stern look on my face (I am not the happiest person in the morning) in the hope that anybody else who might see me will avoid this weird looking angry alien with crazy hair. A win-win for all concerned.

The Plastic Mancunian on his Daily Walk

When I get home, Captain OCD urges me to wash my hands. I have done this so many times since the Coronavirus appeared that my hands look like they are made of leather. I have even resorted to using Mrs PM’s moisturiser to soften them.

Here’s a picture of my hands:

I will almost certainly start my day with a walk after this pandemic is over because it is the best part of the day to do so. I will also wash my hands more too – Captain OCD is winning that war.

2 - What made you happy, sad, or frustrated today? List, all big and/or small, as there may be some of one or all of these feelings!

I was saddened by the fact that we are three weeks into the lockdown and I see it lasting at least another three weeks.

I was frustrated by some irresponsible joggers once more struggling to understand the concept of social distancing during my walk.

I was happy to be home after an hour’s walk today to enjoy a little comedy on the TV while eating a well-deserved full English breakfast.

I am also quite content right now, writing this nonsense, drinking a large cup of tea and listening to this:

3- What is one of the first things you will do when the pandemic is over?

My eldest son and his girlfriend moved out a couple of days before the lockdown and we haven’t had the chance to see their new house. So I will almost certainly go to visit them – and then I will go to the pub to have a couple of beers with mates. Then I will look at booking a holiday somewhere.

4 – Are you an essential employee or do you know someone who is? Is this affecting you in some way?

I am not an essential employee but I do know three nurses who must be suffering at the moment. I feel for them every time I see news reports about what is happening at hospitals up and down the country.

5 – What are you doing to destress during this stressful time?

I’m not really that stressed to be honest with you. The greatest enemy at the moment is boredom. Obviously I have Mrs PM for company which keeps me occupied most of the time but I am also relying on the introvert within me to help relieve the ennui of being stuck at home. There is plenty of stuff to do, if I think about it, such as reading, writing, playing games, watching TV, trying to be creative, exploring the internet to find new music and revisit older music, as well as the more mundane things like cleaning, cooking, ironing etc.

6 – Have you tried any new recipes during this time? Please share your recipe if you want to.

No – I hate cooking. When it is my turn to do this, I rely on my basic recipes rather than trying not to poison Mrs PM and myself. However, Mrs PM has been trying out a couple of new things from her collection of recipe books, the best one recently being a Mediterranean chicken and chorizo dish which was very tasty.

7 – Have you always lived where you do now? If not, how did you wind up in the place you currently live?

No. I was born in Walsall, an industrial town in the West Midlands, about 11 miles north of Birmingham and lived there for 18 years until I went to university in Liverpool. I lived there for three years popping back to Walsall during the summer before moving to Manchester where I have lived ever since. This is why my blog alias is The Plastic Mancunian because I am not a true Mancunian even though I have lived here for 36 years.

8- Where is the last place you visited on-line?

I would say You Tube in order to embed “Long Live Rock and Roll” by Rainbow into this blog post.

9- What is the nicest thing anyone has ever said to you?

Lots of people have said nice things all through my life so it is difficult to select a single one and elevate that to the position of “nicest thing”. I will tell you one funny thing though which was nice in a weird way.

I was in a pub in Liverpool with some mates about 15 years ago when a woman came up to me and grabbed my hand. She was a little inebriated and asked me if I was married. I told her I was in a deep and loving relationship and a look of sadness crossed her face. “That’s such a shame,” she slurred. “I would marry you tomorrow if I could. You are so gorgeous!”

I was shocked and my mates supported me by laughing their heads off. She turned to them and said “I’m serious!” before storming off.

My mates still mention it to this day saying "she must have had her beer goggles on when she said that!"

She may have been a little drunk but I thought it was a really sweet thing to say.

10 – Tell me about the last photo on your camera (phone or real camera or both!)

I took a couple of photos on my walk yesterday – the last one being this one of the River Mersey:

Gratitude

It’s lockdown day 13 in the UK and I think I know every square inch of my house now. It’s a bit weird getting up and then working in the comfort of my own home, with the occasional video conference to remind me that my work colleagues still exist. In fact, at the moment, I am quite busy so the day passes quickly so I am managing to cope without going stir crazy.

Weekends are a little surreal too. Although we are locked down, we can, at the moment, pop out for exercise and to walk the dog. So I have been getting up early to avoid any others out there and strolling around the neighbourhood and local park for half an hour or so before starting work.

I must say that joggers annoy me. I won’t rant about it now – I think I will save that for a post in a couple of days.

Anyway, it’s Sunday and therefore time for a few silly questions from Sunday Stealing.

Off we go …

1. Name a highlight of your day

A highlight for now, given the lockdown situation, is to venture outside for my daily exercise. As I stated above, I like to go early to encounter as few people as possible, which is actually quite easy since the streets are largely deserted. It reminds me of when I was a child doing my newspaper round, walking around deserted streets with my mind wandering off to all sorts of weird places as people sleep in their beds. The introvert within me feels extremely content during these walks.

2. What made you smile today?

Nothing yet. But last night, we had a Whatsapp video call with some friends of ours. We all had beer and wine and had a decent chat for a while as if we were out in the pub. It was fun.

3. What made you laugh today?

It is Mrs PM’s step-mother’s birthday today and this morning on the family Whatsapp group, her daughter, who is a policewoman, made a really funny video of her and her daughter singing happy birthday. It was hilarious. She is as mad as a bag of badgers.

4. Recall a time when you needed encouragement.

Probably within the last two years generally for everything. I have actually been quite disciplined trying to prepare myself for retirement in a few years’ time, looking for new and interesting things to do and ways to occupy my mind. It’s not been bad but I’ve needed the occasional word of encouragement from Mrs PM. I’m getting there.

5. What is a luxury you are thankful for

At the current moment, I am thankful for all of the things that keep me entertained at home, such as my laptop (writing, communicating, internet, music), smartphone (communicating, internet, games), PS4 (games, TV), smart TV (NetFlix, Amazon Prime, Sky), Kindle (reading) and my old iPod (music). There’s enough to relieve the boredom of lockdown.

6. Favourite childhood memory

We used to live next to a park and I remember hanging around with friends all day in and around the park, playing football, messing about and generally just spending the entire day outside, no matter what the weather was like. It was particularly good in the summer. We were rarely indoors. It was great.

7. Favourite song–and why?

I have so many favourite songs that I can’t pick one. However, I will endeavor to select one that I have been listening to a lot recently. Devin Townsend – Genesis.

Devin Townsend is an incredible artist who has crossed many genres from ambient rock, progressive rock to progressive metal.  With his last album, Empath, he mixed all of his styles together and, in the case of Genesis, into one song. The result is astonishing with ambient rock, choral music, dance, power metal, electronic pop, dance and tropical beach music all headlining at various parts of the song. The video is epic and quite amusing.

8. Where is your favourite place?  Why?

Outside the UK, I would say Hong Kong. It is a magnificent city with a culture of its own. It is also the place where Mrs PM and I got together so it also brings back wonderful memories.

9. What is your favourite scent

I don’t have one really but I quite like the smell of the English countryside in early summer.

10. What is your favourite topic to talk about?

My goodness. Music and movies, probably followed closely by sport. I also enjoy talking about politics but please don’t get me started because it tends to annoy the hell out of me (that’s why I have tried to avoid it in recent years as I watch my country fall apart).

11. What do you like doing so much that you lose track of time?

It usually involves sitting at a computer and writing and researching but also, reading. It is very easy to get lost in a good book.

12. If you had 5 minutes and the whole world was forced to listen, what would you say?

I would tell the world to unite and come together rather than trying to tear itself apart. The policies of isolation from some of our so-called world leaders (Trump, Putin, Xi Jinping, Kim Jong-un, Bolsonaro) is pushing the world into a dangerous place. I would urge people to question their governments and actually consider the fact that the only thing that comes from their lips is a pack of lies.

13. Whose life do you envy the most, and why?

My own life back in 1981. I was just beginning on a wonderful adventure and I would love to do that again with the knowledge I have now.

14. What would you different with your education if you got a chance to start over?

I would focus more on English and foreign languages. I was good at both but better at science, hence the reason why I drifted down that path. I would perhaps have been able to expand my horizons and travel more had I been able to write and speak foreign languages, taking the science side of my mind down the path of hobbies and interests rather than a career choice. Oh – and I would have learned to play the piano and guitar too.

15. What would you do with your life if you had no fear?

I would probably be higher up the corporate ladder and making my own decisions about where I want to go rather than having to succumb to the constraints I have at the moment. I would have earned enough money to have retired now.

Who knows? I might also have ended up in politics and might be ruling the world now – which would be bad news people who annoyed me. I have a master plan that when I rule the world, I am going to build a spaceship and send it off to the deepest darkest depths of the galaxy manned by all of those people who have pissed me off – you know, people like Piers Morgan, Simon Cowell, Donald Trump, Boris Johnson, the Kardashians, Kanye West  etc. I’ll make space explorers out of the lot of them and make our world a better place.

Alec Clayton's Questions

My hair is loving this lockdown. As you may have heard, we in the UK are locked down and can only go out for a little exercise once a day, for essential work and shopping for food and medication. My hair isn’t too long at the moment but after another couple of weeks it will require cutting and I can imagine that it will be a total uncontrollable mess by then and have a life of its own.

I might publish a photo just to cheer people up – but then again, maybe not although I could ask it to write a guest blog post.

In other virus news, Prime Minister Boris Johnson also has the virus and a couple of his cabinet have the symptoms as well as the Chief Medical Officer. Critics and cynics are arguing that he hasn’t been following his own advice. Maybe he thinks he is indestructible. Apparently his symptoms are mild so he can still “lead the country” from his isolated position.

Anyway, it’s time for some Sunday Stealing questions created by an author no less, called Alec Clayton. This means they may be tough.

I like a challenge – so let’s dive straight in.

1. If there's a personal god, what quality would you most like that person to have (and why)?

To me, a personal god would have to be one that is kind and forgiving and, more than anything else, can provide comfort and advice and one who doesn’t govern by fear, choosing to help people in need.

2. What's your death-row meal?

I would ask for the biggest and thickest steak that could be found, with a mountain of thick cut chips and several pints of the best British ale.

I know it’s bad for me but I wouldn’t care, given that I was on death row.

3. Assuming we make it through this outbreak with minimal loss of life, what do you think our big takeaway should be?

I am hoping that this pandemic gives each and every one of us a massive kick up the arse, especially our leaders and so-called betters.

In the UK we have seen some amazing acts of kindness and assistance and I know that such acts are being reflected by ordinary people all over the world. We all need to help each other and countries need to work more closely together instead of being bastards to each other.

I doubt things will change but we can hope.

4. Whom do you find yourself missing more than you would've predicted?

I’ve been in touch with friends and family but it’s not the same as being in the same room as them. At least I have Mrs PM to keep me sane.

5. What brings you the most joy? Not happiness, not contentment -- JOY.

There’s not an awful lot to be joyful about at the moment as the UK lockdown has removed most of the things that make me joyful.

However, usually on Friday, Mrs PM and I stroll down to the local village and have a beer or two and a meal – a kind of date night if you like. We obviously can’t do that at the moment, so we have transferred that experience into our home and for two hours we turn the lounge into a “virtual pub”. We share wine, put on some background music and chat over a meal. It is fast becoming the highlight of our week and adds a little joy.

There is always a way.

6. Do you find yourself regretting anything you've said or done on social media?

No. This blog is really the only thing I use to express myself in cyberspace. I have accounts on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook – but I rarely use them.

7. What are your favourite and least favourite things about your body and face?

As I mentioned above, I hate my hair. And my eyes are so bad that I can barely see without glasses.

However, a few women have told me that I have a nice arse (though why women like arses I have no idea) – so I will say that as a favourite.

8. and your life?

Far too many favourite things but I will give you as taste:

Expressing myself in words (even though I am not very good at it), travelling, football, music, socialising with friends, family, Mrs PM of course, the British countryside, movies, epic box sets, reading, learning new things, dining out, rock concerts.

Least favourite things:

Being stuck at home and not enjoying the favourite things I mentioned above, my career (soon to be over with any luck), chores.

9. How's the self-isolation affecting your libido?

No change. Why would it?

10. Which three places in the physical universe would you most like to visit?

Since space travel is unlikely to become a commercial business in my lifetime, I will stick to Planet Earth and the places I have never been to:

Scandinavia: Sweden, Norway, Denmark and Finland

New Zealand

Malaysia

There are also lots of places I would love to go back to.

11. On whom did you have a crush years ago? Have you ever told them?

I had a crush on these lovely ladies. I could never pluck up the courage to write them a fan letter.

Agnetha

Lynda Carter

12. How have your religious views changed since you were in high school?

I was raised as a Roman Catholic and was immersed into the religion from a very early age, reading the Bible (both New and Old Testaments) and listening to the stories and the life of Jesus etc. with a mixture of awe and, if I’m honest, terrible fear.

I was told by scary priests that we were tainted with Original Sin the moment we were born and were promised that we would spend the rest of our lives trying to atone for this and all of the other sins we would invariably commit as our lives progressed.

The punishment for failing to do this would be Purgatory or Hell itself where, for basically being a sinner for three score and ten years, we would be punished for the rest of eternity by Satan and his evil army or torturing henchmen.

I don’t like the idea of being governed by fear. That’s why I started to question everything. For example, what made St Paul so special? Why did God appear to Moses in the first place and ask him to save his people but then make sure that Moses never actually make it to the Promised Land himself afterwards having done all of God’s bidding?

It seems to me that God could appear to me and convince me very easily that he actually exists. Instead, we are asked to have faith and trust in something that has never manifested itself to anybody.

As a person with a scientific background, I need tangible proof and have yet to see it. The only evidence I can see are the words in a book that has been rewritten so many times that I imagine the messages have been changed, embellished and adjusted to favour the authors.

In conclusion, I have asked lots of questions, got no satisfactory answer and therefore stopped going to church. I know that religion plays a part in making people feel comfort and for that reason I would never argue with anybody’s beliefs, as long as they didn’t use those beliefs to kill, maim or suppress other people. Religion is important – but not to me. We’ll see what happens when I shuffle off this mortal coil. I may have some searching questions if there is an afterlife, the first one being:

“Where were you, when I needed you?”

Here is a nice little song about religion, sung with the tongue firmly placed in the cheek.

13. If you could change one law, what would it be?

I would make it mandatory for all politicians to hook themselves up to a lie detector when campaigning or being interviewed. If they were found guilty of lying, then they would go to prison for six months and never be allowed to stand for office ever again.

Perhaps it would do something about these two:

14. If you could add one commandment to the original ten, what would it be?

Thou shalt share thine wealth with those less fortunate than thyself if thou art obscenely rich.

Coronavirus

Things are very serious with Coronavirus now so it seems fitting to answer a set of questions about the subject from Sunday Stealing.

Let’s dive straight in shall we?

1. Has the COVID-19 affected your work environment?

Yes. On Friday 13th March, we had a briefing that told us that we can work from home if we choose. I chose to do so starting the following Monday. The company then decided on the following Wednesday that everybody except those who look after the IT infrastructure and deal with 24 hour support must also work from home. The company have two adjacent offices and one of them, the one I work in, has now been closed, the other one being closed to all but the absolutely essential staff I mentioned above.

Given that I work in IT and technology exists to accommodate home working, this is a no-brainer. I am bored at home, I have to admit, but we do have daily “stand up meetings” via software that ensures we can see each other face to face via our webcams, enabling each member of my team to get a glimpse of each other’s homes for fifteen minutes.

We also have an end of day chat which is less formal and geared more towards having a chat about general stuff, as we would over a coffee during office hours. This is being extended to the entire company at set times over the coming weeks so that we can pop in have a chat.

Sadly, Mrs PM’s company are insisting that she goes into the office, but she is a contractor and when the company is forced to send people home, we fear that she might be let go. This isn’t unexpected but for now she is driving to work every day and taking the usual precautions.

2. How are you feeling about the Coronavirus?

I am a hypochondriac with mild OCD so my anxiety levels are slightly elevated. I am trying to be pragmatic and following the advice to the letter, even though our wonderfully inept government have been dragging their feet until recently.

I have actually been washing my hands so much that they are drying out a little and I have had to use Mrs PM’s moisturiser to help a little.

Don’t tell anybody – that’s between you and I, dear reader.

What I do feel annoyed is that certain people think the virus will not get to them or that they are indestructible and if they do get it will survive as if it were just a bad cold.

Equally, I am annoyed at those who are panicking so much that they are hoarding and stockpiling at the expense of the most vulnerable people in our society. Worse, the people who really matter, like doctors, nurses, medical professionals and those who are helping to keep the country going, are struggling to get supplies because of the selfishness of idiots.

I heard yesterday that there is a shortage of freezers because people are buying extra ones to fill up with their ill-gotten gains from the supermarkets. I am quite angry about this.

3. Has anybody you know been tested / have you?

On the same day my company had the Coronavirus briefing, we discovered that a young lad was off with the symptoms. Three weeks earlier he had been to Italy on holiday. He returned on Sunday and was advised to self-isolate for 14 days. He did exactly that and then came back to work on Tuesday. He was ill the following Friday.

The problem is that we can’t be sure that he has the virus or not because the NHS is not testing people unless they are admitted to hospital. This means that the official number of cases doesn’t represent the true picture. The government have acknowledged this and given the official number plus the extrapolated number too – and that is much higher as you would imagine.

Stop Press: Mrs PM has an old friend from university who lives in Liverpool. The BHS helpline have just informed him that they think he has the virus. He won’t be tested until his symptoms become so bad that he ends up in hospital. Let’s hope that isn’t the case.

4. Do you have any friends stuck in any exotic locations?

No. Mrs PM’s dad was in Turkey until yesterday and had to be flown back to a different airport as flights were very limited to get back. He is back safe and sound now and is immediately self-isolating hopefully.

5. Have you changed any of your personal habits due to the pandemic?

Yes. I wash my hands a lot more and I haven’t been socialising with friends for a couple of weeks. I have been going out for walks to avoid cabin fever and observing the advice of keeping far away from other walkers. I fear that we will soon have to stop doing even that.

6. What is the craziest thing you've seen or heard about the outbreak?

Apart from nutters stockpiling things? People have largely been ignoring advice and still going to the pub and restaurants, although that too will now cease as the government has ordered all such establishments to close down.

A lot of people think they are invincible and are just not changing their ways. That to me is crazy.

I’ve also watched Donald Trump’s bullshit over the past few weeks, telling blatant lies to the American people and then getting experts telling the truth just a few seconds later. How can Americans believe the Orange Goblin any more?

Another thing I have seen and heard is that people have stopped drinking Corona Beer because in their minds it might actually be responsible for the outbreak.

That is almost as crazy as some of Trump’s bullshit.

7. Do you think our politicians are doing enough to curb the crisis?

My view on Trump in the US is above. In the case of the UK the answer is also no.

I have read a few reports over the past couple of weeks about the spread of the virus in mathematical and statistical terms and, since that was my main background at university, I understand what they mean. Western governments have not been following the advice until it is too late and the UK government is only now realising the seriousness of the situation. The actions in Italy, Spain and France have hopefully given Boris “The Clown” Johnson the kick up the arse that he needed.

Over the past week we have ramped up our response, closing pubs, restaurants etc, closing schools and tightening restrictions. I welcome this but we are, in my opinion (based on some of the reports I read) about two weeks too late. The good news is that sporting bodies, theatres etc. acted before this, so that we went some way to actually changing our behaviour before the government made it official.

Let’s hope things improve and we aren’t too late. News from Italy and Spain suggest to me that perhaps we have acted too late.

8. Have you stockpiled anything because of the crisis?

No. I have been angered by the behaviour of certain irresponsible individuals despite warnings from everybody. My son and his girlfriend said that they saw two people fighting over a box of eggs in the local supermarket last week.

As far as we’re concerned, Mrs PM and I have been doing the regular weekly shop as normal. We have enough toilet roll for a while, as well as other bits and pieces. My hope is that people will start to behave properly over the next week or two.

The bottom line is that the country has enough food, cleaning products etc. for everybody so hoarding them is doing nothing more than depriving the needy and the most important people we need to help us through all of this.

9. What do you think you will miss the most if you are subject to a lock in?

Probably going for a walk. I have been calling on the introvert within me to help me cope with working alone from home. Thankfully, I am quite happy in my own company and of course Mrs PM is here too. I will miss going to pubs and restaurants with friends but I can cope with that. I have enough to occupy my mind, I think.

Oh – and since the football season has been suspended I miss watching it on a Sunday afternoon. Also, the travel restrictions will almost certainly mean that our planned trip to Italy in early June and Spain in late June are cancelled. I have accepted that. We can travel when all this is over.

10. What is the weirdest rumour you've heard about the virus?

I think it probably has something to do with why people are stockpiling toilet roll. This is a respiratory illness and does not cause you to spend more time on the toilet.

Now I do know for a fact that some people eat toilet paper. Stick with me on this. I have lived with people in the past who I suspect of this weird diet. I go to the toilet in the morning and there is a full roll available for use. When I next go, about two hours later, I notice that there is one single lonely sheet dangling sadly from the cardboard. Only one person has been to the toilet during that time, my flatmate. I can only conclude that he had a breakfast of loo roll on toast.

How else would he have used so much? On second thoughts, don’t answer that.

11. Do you have a favourite meme about the virus?

This one:

12. Has the virus made you grateful for anything?

I think we are discovering that people can generally be wonderful (if you ignore selfish hoarders). We are seeing good deeds more and more as most people try to pull together during these tough times. I’m grateful for that, I applaud it and I hope that it changes people in the future.

13. Have any of your plans been upset by the outbreak?

Yes. I’ve had a couple of concerts cancelled and I guess that June will see another one cancelled plus two holidays. I would rather the outbreak be over though; we can go to gigs and holidays and socialise when all of this is over.

14. Are you planning do to anything different because of the COVID-19 outbreak?

Working from home, obviously and taking the time to sort out my life a little. There will be ample time for self-reflection over this period – and I mean positive self-reflection rather than trying to dwell on how bad it is.

Oh – and Mrs PM is having a spring clean starting next week so that will give us the opportunity to declutter (within reason).

15. What do you hope to see in six months time?

I hope that it is all over by then and that we can return to something like a normal life.

I am being quite realistic though and there is a chance that we will still be restricted (albeit not as much as now).

Once we have a vaccine, things will improve, although rumour has it that this won’t be for another 12 to 18 months. In six months time, we will at least know much more about the virus, how it is transmitted, how to mitigate its affects, how to mitigate the spread and, hopefully, have a massive long list of lessons learned, should there ever be another similar virus in future.

 16. Has the Coronavirus upset your mental health in any way?

As I said above, I am slightly more anxious as I succumb to several personal nemeses. They are:

Captain Paranoia – the person who tells me that nothing will improve and the future is bleak. No matter how careful I am I will catch the virus eventually.

Captain OCD – the person who tells me that I can catch the virus via my own computer because somebody else might have typed on my keyboard three weeks ago. He is also turning my hands into leather gloves thanks to all the washing.

Captain Hypochondria – the person who tells me that if wake up feeling a little tired, then I have COVID-19. If I have a slight headache, I have COVID-19. If I sneeze I have COVID-19. If I look at a person in the street I will catch COVID-19.

The good news is that I am a sensible and fairly clever chap, so I largely ignore these arseholes. They have been with me all my life and I am still here.

The three of them can just bugger off - and so can Coronavirus!

Sleepy Rambles

Let’s forget what is going on in the world and take a minor diversion to answer a couple of silly Sunday Stealing questions.

Shall we?

1. What is the wallpaper on your computer screen? Why did you choose it?

This is my wallpaper and I chose it because it reminds me of a tranquil place. I took the photograph in Australia on my trip there as the sun was rising in the early morning over the Coral Sea in Port Douglas. It helps divert my mind when I need to relax. I have it on my home laptop and my work laptop too.

2. Who is the person you text the most in your life? What relation are you?

I don’t really text. I use WhatsApp instead, which is, I guess, a similar thing but to groups of people. The people I send messages to most are family and close friends – mainly Mrs PM.

3.Is there carpet or hardwood floor in your bedroom?

It is a fluffy carpet and quite pleasant to put your bare feet on.

4. Do you believe in superstitious things such as breaking a mirror?

Not really. I don’t believe in superstition as a rule. I can’t remember the last time I broke a mirror but it didn’t bring years of bad luck, that much I do know.

5. Do you like those ‘end of the world,’ ‘Armageddon’ movies?

What – like "Coronavirus – The Movie?"

Actually, yes I do and I also love post-apocalyptic novels. I prefer unbelievable ones such as alien invasions or meteorites heading towards the planet rather than outbreak ones.

Having said that, I did like 28 Days Later and 28 Weeks Later and I am an avid fan of The Walking Dead.

6. Chocolate or strawberry birthday cake? Choose one.

I prefer chocolate cake but if it isn’t available I will happily devour strawberry cake too.

7. Do you eat more vegetables or fruits? What’s your favourite fruit/veggie?

I eat about the same amount of each. I love bananas, apples, nectarines, peaches, plums and citrus fruit. I like most vegetables too, mainly carrots, broccoli, green beans and peas.

8. Does the dentist calm you or does it tend to stress you out?

It depends what I am having done. Mostly, the answer is no. The problem I have is that I hate the sound of metal objects on teeth and I have to endure this both from the hygienist and the dentist. I had a crown replaced a couple of years ago and that was a rather unpleasant experience.  As he was drilling, tugging and generally doing nasty things, I tried my best to push my mind elsewhere. It was difficult but I prevailed.

9. If you had to choose, which is the worst movie you’ve ever seen?

I’ve seen some pretty dreadful ones in the past but the first one that leaps to mind (because Mrs PM dragged me to the cinema to see it) is Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 2. It was the culmination of one of the most dreadful series of films I have ever had the misfortune to see. I can almost hear you asking “Why the hell did you watch more than one?”. Let me summarise:

Twilight – I watched it out of curiosity because I love vampires. I though it was awful.

Twilight: New Moon – I was on a long haul flight and I ran out of films. I stupidly thought that it couldn’t be as bad as the first one. I was horribly wrong.

Twilight: Eclipse – I was on another long haul flight and I ran out of films. I stupidly thought that it couldn’t be as bad as the first two films. I was horribly horribly wrong.

Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 1: Mrs PM wanted to see part 2 of this garbage and I had dragged her to the cinema to see one of my films. I decided foolishly that I would need to see Part 1. So I paid for it on Sky Box Office and watched the movie in the comfort of my own home. It was dreadful but I always keep my promises to Mrs PM and reluctantly agreed to pay AGAIN to see Part 2 at the cinema.

Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 2: This film was by far the worst of a bad bunch of films. I hated it. HATED it. Thank God they are not making any more.

10. Have you ever found yourself talking to an inanimate object?

All the time. I talk to my monitor when I am working, much to the amusement of my work colleagues.

11. Do you like movies that are originally based on children’s books?

Not really. The exception is the Harry Potter series. I thoroughly enjoyed it.

12. Is your hair more thick or thin? Is it more curly or straight?

Oh dear – not the hair again. My hair is awful. It is thick and curly/wavy and totally uncontrollable. I keep it short to make it more manageable.

13. Something on the human body that grosses you out the most:

Feet are pretty horrible. I avoid them whenever I can.

14. What is your favourite colour of apple? Red, green or yellow?

I love Granny Smiths – so green.

15. Do you hardly ever remember where you put things at?

I have places for my keys, wallet and various other things. I am slightly OCD and such habits help me recall where everything I need is situated. Mrs PM is hopeless and constantly asks me where her stuff is. Sometimes, she moves my stuff from its usual place too – and then forgets where she moved it to. That annoys me – and she rarely does it now.

16. Do you ever lay in the grass and look up at the sky, just because?

No - which is a shame. The last time I did something like that was in Greece a few years ago. We had a villa and at night time, I lay on a sunbed and just watched the stars. It was a beautiful night with little light pollution and no cloud. It was very relaxing.

17. Are you a controversial person? Do your views oppose others?

Yes I am and I have had to rein myself with things like Brexit, mainly for my own sanity. So far, this year I have tried to listen to the views of other people and try not to be to controversial and, most importantly, not to start to get angry when they start having a go at me for my views. I can talk to most people about anything, even something I loathe like Brexit but sometimes I have to walk away or stop the discussion before I resort to calling people idiots (which I have done in my youth).

18. Have you ever thrown a surprise party for someone? Who for?

No. I’ve had a surprise party thrown for me and I hated it so I have no desire to inflict such a thing on another person.

19. What would you say your average word per minute time is on the keyboard?

I had no idea so I have just tried it. I type with two fingers, even though I type for my day job (as a software engineer). The answer is 65 words per minute but I guess it depends on how long the words are.

20. Do you like fiction or non-fiction books more? What’s your favourite?

I much prefer fiction books but I do try to read non-fiction occasionally.

What's my favourite? Too many to mention.

21. Do you know how to play pool? Are you any good at it?

Yes, I do know how to play pool. I haven’t played for years sadly. I used to play fairly regularly when I was in my 20s and 30s and I was average at best.

22. The most painful medical procedure you’ve ever had?

I haven’t had a medical procedure (I suppose I have been lucky). Having a crown replaced at the dentist is the most distressing I guess (see above).

23. Are you someone who tends to take a whole lot of naps?

If I get a good night’s sleep then absolutely not. My ability to nap is directly proportional to the shortfall. If I have 7.5 hours sleep I am fine. Any less than that I and I make it up during the day (usually about 4 to 5pm) dozing in front of the telly.

That said, when I am on holiday in a hot place, I tend to have a nap in the afternoon - perhaps it is the heat.

24. Have you ever been pulled over by the cops for speeding?

No and I have no plans to do so either.

25. Is anyone in your family a firefighter? Who is it anyway?

Nobody in my family is a firefighter.