Showing posts with label tag. Show all posts
Showing posts with label tag. Show all posts

Tuesday, 12 June 2012

Eleven



Once more I have been tagged to complete a meme, this time by Kath at Blurb From The Burbs.

I have to answer 11 questions and then tag a further 11 people with 11 questions from my weird imagination

Well, being an anarchist, I will answer the questions but I don’t plan to tag anybody else (sorry Kath – I hope you don’t mind! I’m too lazy for stuff like that).

As usual, Kath’s questions are entertaining, and I hope I do them justice.

1. When and why did you start blogging?



I started blogging on Friday 21st March 2008 after agonising for a year or two about whether to bother. I have always liked popping my thoughts down and I had been doing so, on and off, for about ten years previously. It was only when a colleague of mine started a blog when he moved to South Korea on an extended business trip that I thought: well if he can do – so can I. I chatted about it with Mrs PM who urged me to go for it. And the result is this blog which has been trundling along in the blogosphere for just over four years now.

And the truth is, I wish I had started it sooner.

2. What is your middle name and why did your parents select it?



My middle name is George and it was a compromise. My great grandad, my grandad and my dad were all called George William and my dad wanted to prolong the agony by inflicting those dreadful names on me. I apologise to anybody who may be called George or William or have a loved one with thise names, but I hate them both. Thankfully so did my mum who, in no uncertain terms, told my dad “NO!!!”. Both liked David but my dad had to have the last word – so my mum agreed.

They should have asked me; I would never have chosen George. Thor would have been better.

3. Toilet paper folder or scruncher? Provide your reasons



Today, at work, in preparation for this, I asked the guys who share my desk whether they were folders or scrunchers and it has now gone down in folklore as arguably the worst question I have dared to ask fellow men.

Actually – that’s a lie; I wouldn’t dare ask a question like that to my work colleagues. Nevertheless, because I have been asked I shall answer – I think I am a scruncher but when in a public cubicle with somebody in the next cubicle I become a folder; folding is more subtle and makes less noise – and we all know that every human being on the planet hates other people to hear their noises on the toilet. And those that claim not to mind are liars.

4. What do you do at home when everyone else is out?



Usually I try to write a blog post or think about what I can write in a blog post. It also depends whether there is football on TV – if there is, I know that I can sit down and watch it without having to explain, once again, to Mrs PM why football is important. With Euro 2012 on at the moment, you can imagine that the tenth time of explaining why I want to watch Holland play Germany can get a little tedious.

5. You've been given five hundred bucks (two hundred and fifty quid, say) to spend on nothing useful and just yourself. What do you do with the cash?



It would either be £250 worth of CDs and books or a totally useless gadget – like an iPad or other similar tablet.

6. It's finally come true. One of your 'five celebrities you're allowed to sleep with' has walked into your kitchen and is up for it. Who is it?

Well this is a difficult question and with all of the gorgeous women out there the choice is extremely tricky. My current favourite is the Dutch rock singer, Sharon den Adel, so I will choose her.



She can serenade me with “Lost”, a beautiful song from the brilliant album, “The Unforgiving”.



7. Name one famous person (so that all our readers know who it is) that you think 'has their shit together'. Explain why.



I would suggest that Dave Grohl has his shit together. Dubbed the nicest man in rock, at the moment he can do no wrong. I love the Foo Fighters and long may continue “holding his shit together.”

8. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?



I am a bit of an optimist, if I discount work. But even then, I assume I’m going to get through the day and feel great at the end of it. At the moment it feels good to be alive, so what possible reason could there be for staying in bed?

Actually, thinking a little deeper about the question, Mrs PM or my alarm clock are the real culprits for getting me out of my pit.

9. Who would you like to smack in the face, publicly disprove all of their stupid opinions and freeze their bank accounts?



Easy – Simon Cowell. This man has done more to destroy music than any person I can think of. He is responsible for some of the worst TV, songs and “pop stars” in recent memory and he and his antics are killing music. He has a stupid haircut and wears stupid trousers and deserves to be locked in a cell for three months listening to Death Metal played at deafening volume.

10. Low slung jeans on boys - how do we eradicate this disease?



(a) Fill a water pistol with brown paint and spray their underpants in a strategic place.

(b) Scream “PULL YER PHARKIN’ TROUSERS UP!!” at high volume in front of all their mates.

(c) Pull their trousers down.

(d) Create a photo blog called “Fashion Dickheads” and fill it full of photos of these numpties.

11. Tell us about an invention for the home that we desperately need.



We need a machine for processing all cycles of changing dirty clothes into clean clothes. On Saturday morning, pop your dirty clothes in the machine and then sit back and wait until they are popped out the other end, clean, dried and ironed. The deluxe model will somehow pop them into the wardrobes and drawers too.





Monday, 16 February 2009

Birthday Wishes


Well, it’s finally happened – I’ve been tagged. I’d like to thank Bingkee for this amusing bit of fun. And please visit Bingkee here because her insights on American life are fascinating.

My birthday was in October last year (as described here) and I received nothing that I’d wished for (apart from Mrs PM’s gifts). I mean what can a 46 year old man get for a birthday gift? Socks? Hankies? Walking stick? To be honest I’ve stopped celebrating birthdays because with each one I get closer to the people in those advertisements that say “Are you aged 50 to 85? Do you want life insurance?”

I used to make fun of old people when I was younger, saying cruel heartless things and buying them things like “Just For Men”. I have written poems that are cruel. I’ve ribbed people mercilessly, saying terrible things about the small amount of hair they have turning grey and requiring walking frames to dance. I’ve been heartless.

And now it is payback time. I am constantly the butt of jokes for younger friends who revel in my trauma:

“How old are you? You old git!”

“How long is it till you retire?”

Youngsters are astounded that I was alive when JFK was assassinated, England won the World Cup and Neil Armstrong set foot on the moon. I remember the Beatles singing “Hey Jude” and the Beach Boys singing “Good Vibrations”.

But I have a huge advantage over many my age: I have the mind of an eighteen year old and can give as good as I get. I see life through teenager’s eyes and I approach it with fun in mind but the maturity of a grumpy old git. And I love being this age.

And now, thanks to Bingkee I can now put forward my ten birthday wishes as I slide inexorably towards 50:

(1) I want a new car; not just any new car. The kind of car that makes women swoon and men grind their teeth in envy. It has to wake up the neighbours when I turn the ignition. It has to scare the local wildlife. It has to be so fabulous that other cars stop and let me pass. It has to have a sound system so brilliant that only pure rock music can ever be played on it. I’m not sure that the car I see in my mind’s eye has been invented yet. Come on car manufacturers – you have approximately 8 months to pull your fingers out. And I want it as a gift – so think of me when you get the blueprints sorted out.

(2) I want the winning lottery ticket as a birthday present. I’m not asking for much - £20,000,000 will do – just enough for Mrs PM and myself to fly around the world first class.

(3) I want free tickets to see any rock band I like on their next tour.

(4) I want a house; not just any house. I want a castle on a hilltop overlooking the English countryside in an area close to Manchester. It must make the Queen of England green with envy.

(5) I also want a chateau in France. I want President Sarkozy of France to be green with envy.

(6) I am fed up politicians telling lies. I want all politicians to be permanently rigged up to a lie detector that gives them an electric shock whenever an untruth passes their lips. The bigger the lie, the bigger the shock.

(7) I would like somebody to tell me: what is the point of Paris Hilton and other rich celebrities who have achieved fame without talent?

(8) I would love to live to a ripe old age, still be able to find fun in life and most importantly of all, annoy youngsters by pretending to be blind and deaf. I would also like Mrs PM to live to that ripe old age (though sadly I have a seven and a half year head start on her – not that she’s going to catch up – unless time travel is invented – I’m babbling now).

(9) I want Walsall Football Club to win everything – absolutely everything.

(10) Guitar lessons from Joe Satriani.

I believe that the rules state I’m supposed to pass this on to ten other bloggers. However, I want to cheat (because I am a lazy git). I invite ANY bloggers who stumble on this page and want to list their ten birthday wishes to do so and simply let me know (via a comment) so that I can read them.

Apologies if this breaks the rules – I just think it’s a nice idea to allow a little self-tagging. Of course, if nobody rises to the challenge I shall nominate people.

And once again – thanks to Bingkee for allowing me to reveal more of my weirdness (and apologies once more for my laziness).