The TV Meme

I’m off on my travels again, tomorrow. Unfortunately this is a business trip and my destination is Kunming in China.

This is my first visit to that strange, yet wondrous land since 1999, when I wrote my travelogue (The China Chronicles).

I’m having mixed feelings about the trip to be honest. I’m a little excited about returning to China, but it is such a weird place that there is a feeling of trepidation and of course I have to work, which is a pain in the arse.

The trip is lasting two weeks and, thankfully, I should have internet access over there – so watch out for some photos on The Plastic Mancunian’s Eye and possibly a blog post from there. There might be the odd tweet as well.

In the meantime, I will leave you with a meme that I have stolen with absolutely no guilt whatsoever. It is called the TV meme.

1. Name a TV show series in which you have seen every episode at least twice:

That would have to be Star Trek and I have probably seen each episode of the original series, The Next Generation, Deep Space Nine and Voyager at least twice. I am a huge fan of the show.

2. Name a show you can't miss:

At the moment I would have to say Dexter, which is my current favourite. I absolutely love the idea of serial killer working as a blood spatter expert in the police and murdering bad guys to satisfy is homicidal maniac tendencies.

3. Name an actor that would make you more inclined to watch a show:

That’s a tough one. I’ve never seen anything bad with Robert Carlyle in it so that is who I shall say. I am currently enjoying watching him in Stargate Universe

4. Name an actor who would make you less likely to watch a show:

Another tough one. I would say William Roache who plays Ken Barlow in Coronation Street. I reckon I could act better than him.

5. Name a show you can, and do, quote from:

I usually quote from Blackadder which is absolutely full of fabulous comedy quotes like:

The path of my life is strewn with cowpats from the devil’s own Satanic herd.

We’re in the stickiest situation since Sticky the stick insect got stuck on a sticky bun.


The eyes are open, the mouth moves, but Mr. Brain has long since departed, hasn't he, Perce ?


Oh, God. What on Earth was I drinking last night? My head feels like there's a Frenchman living in it.


A man may fight for many things. His country, his friends, his principles, the glistening tear on the cheek of a golden child. But personally, I'd mud-wrestle my own mother for a ton of cash, an amusing clock and a sack of French porn.


He's mad! He's mad. He's madder than Mad Jack McMad, the winner of this year's Mr Madman competition.


6. Name a show you like that no one else enjoys:

Strangely, I would say it is Curb Your Enthusiasm. I love it but Mrs PM finds it unfunny, though I have to say, she has chuckled at the odd episode.

7. Name a TV show which you've been known to sing the theme song:

I love the theme to “True Blood” and sing this bit to Mrs PM:

“I wanna do bad things with you”.

What does she do? Rolls her eyes and tuts.



8. Name a show you would recommend everyone to watch:

There are so many that I would recommend but at this moment in time, it would have to be Dexter. It is now in its fourth series so you would have to start with the first to get the gist of what is going on.

9. Name a TV series you own:

I am a real geek. I own all eight series of Red Dwarf on DVD and the full box set, including movies, of Babylon 5.

10. Name an actor who launched his/her entertainment career in another medium, but has surprised you with his/her acting chops in television:

I’m not a big fan of Billie Piper (certainly not her singing career) but I was pleasantly surprised by her portrayal of Rose Tyler in Dr Who.


11. What is your favourite episode of your favourite series?

It is really difficult to name my favourite series so I shall pick a random one. That series is Blackadder II and the episode is “Beer” when Edmund Blackadder has to host a night of drunken debauchery while at the same time trying to convince his puritanical aunt and uncle that he is worthy of an inheritance. Absolute classic comedy. Here is a clip:




12. Name a show you keep meaning to watch, but you just haven't gotten around to yet:

I’ve heard from many people that The Inbetweeners is a very funny show, but I keep forgetting to watch it.

13. Ever quit watching a show because it was so bad?

Absolutely - numerous times.

14. Name a show that's made you cry multiple times:

Being a sad geek, I have struggled to remain composed during some episodes of Dr Who.

15. What do you eat when you watch TV?

I usually watch TV when eating at home, so dinner?

16. How often do you watch TV?

I watch less TV than I used to. I tend to use the Sky+ box to series link my favourite shows and watch them at my leisure later. On average, a couple of hours a day.

17. What's the last TV show you watched?

Merlin.

18. What's your favourite/preferred genre of TV?

I like weird science fiction stuff, preferably with a touch of horror – shows like Fringe.

19. What was the first TV show you were obsessed with?

I think that would have to be Dr Who. I used to watch the classic series as a child but the new series and stories have made the show unmissable.

20. What TV show do you wish you never watched?

I don’t watch anything I don’t like. I have been known to switch off in the middle of a show that was utter bilge. I did go through a phase of watching soap operas, so I will say Eastenders (which thankfully I stopped watching in the nineties.

21. What's the weirdest show you enjoyed?

I think True Blood is pretty weird – but I love it.

22. What TV show scared you the most?

As a child, Dr Who scared me to death. One series in particular with Jon Pertwee as the Doctor gave me nightmares.

23. What is the funniest TV show you have ever watched?

That is such a difficult question. Select any episode from any of the following shows:

Curb Your Enthusiasm, Blackadder, Monty Python, Red Dwarf, Fawlty Towers, Father Ted, One Foot In The Grave, The Office, Drop The Dead Donkey, Black Books, The Young Ones, The Simpsons

and many more.

Sunday Stealing - The Voice Post Meme

Well folks, I’m off on holiday to Canada (taking in Calgary and Vancouver) and America (visiting Alaska) on Monday so I thought I would have a go at a Sunday Stealing Meme before I go (I’m too lazy and too busy to write anything more challenging).

Of course, all this assumes that the Icelandic ash cloud doesn’t change direction and scupper my plans, or the British Airways strike doesn’t leave me stranded in Seattle. Also, isn’t it just typical that I plan to visit Iceland in August in the year that a bloody volcano erupts and brings European air traffic to a standstill? I’m cursed – I’m sure of it.

Be warned – when I return, it will be a few days before the World Cup starts so I will be boring you senseless (well, boring you more than I usually do) with posts about the mighty England and how we are going to conquer the football world (in my dreams at least). I’ll bet you can’t wait.

To the meme:

1) What's your middle name?

Sadly, my middle name is George. It almost became my first name but thankfully my mum intervened. Good old mum.

2) How old are you?

Too old – 47 (with the brain and mindset of a very immature 15 year old).

3) Where are you from? Are you living there right now?

I’m from Walsall originally and I live in South Manchester – that’s in England, if you hadn’t already guessed.

4) Is it cold where you are?

Normally it’s quite mild but today has been the hottest day of the year so far, with bright sunshine banishing the clouds and temperatures of 27 degrees Centigrade. Nice.

5) What's the time?

It’s currently 22:05.

6) What are you wearing?

I’m wearing shorts and a T-shirt – and underpants of course.

7) What was the last thing you listened to?

Joe Satriani – Ride (From “Flying in a Blue Dream”)

8) What was the last thing you ate?

Chicken fajitas.

9) What was the last thing you watched on TV?

Friday’s episode of “Lost” – only two to go.

10) What's your favorite tv show? Why?

There are too many to mention but at the moment I would probably say “24” or “Lost”, with “Dr Who” in there too. Why? Because they are weird, gritty and fun – just like me (though perhaps not gritty – I can’t imagine myself being Jack Bauer - maybe Jack Bauer's geeky brother perhaps - if I stretch my imagination in a weird way that is).

11) Quick! Find a book, or something with text on it! Flip to a random page and post the second paragraph's first sentence.

“The easiest way is to have him imagine himself at the top of a staircase”.

12) What was the last movie you saw? How was it?

“Gran Torino” with Clint Eastwood. It was an excellent film – funny and sad. I shed a tear at the end.

13) Do YOU think you have an accent? Where do people in your country do people speak with strong accents?

I certainly used to have a strong accent when I lived in Walsall. It is known as a “Black Country” accent and, to the untrained ear, it is very difficult to make sense of it. Here is a typical opening gambit:

“D’yow fancy cumming to the pub for a poy ana point? Nouw? Orroight – oll see ya next wik. Tara a bit, skip”.

I live in the UK so there are hundreds of strong accents. We all struggle to understand some of them. I can imagine if you come from America or Canada then you might struggle with them. I might try some on my holiday next week – for a laugh.

Anyway, that’s it for now so I’ll see you in a couple of weeks (travel permitting).

A Christmas Meme

I have finished work for Christmas and have survived all Christmas parties with only a slight hangover (this morning actually – after the annual pub crawl).

I am now ready for a couple of days rest before the mayhem commences next week.

And right on cue, it snowed yesterday for the first time this winter, leaving a small white layer everywhere.

Since I am in the Christmas spirit, I thought I would steal again. I have, for amusement, stolen a Christmas meme I stumbled across (I know – it’s a terrible thing to do – but I don’t care).

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags?

Given the choice I would just hand over the presents unwrapped but tradition dictates (or should I say Mrs PM dictates) that I wrap presents up. I use the term “wrap up” in the loosest possible term because my attempts end up looking like several piles of crumpled wrapping paper.

Thankfully, Mrs PM is the expert and usually does the wrapping, leaving me on selotape duty.

That’s right; I am so incompetent in the art of wrapping presents that I am reduced to cutting strips of tape for Mrs PM. What a sad basket case I am.

When it comes to Mrs PM’s present(s) I tend to use a gift bag – it’s so much easier.

2. Real tree or artificial?

Up until two years ago, we had a real tree – and it was a pain in the arse. I would take my medium sized hatchback to the Christmas tree shop and select a tree that was around six and a half feet tall and had the description “none drop”. The problem is that “none drop” is a complete and utter lie.

Having bought the tree and watched the guys wrap it up in some form of weird webbing I would somehow crowbar the bloody thing into my car and then drive back, flouting all known traffic safety laws, and then drag the thing into my lounge. At that point, the instant I cut off the webbing, the tree would drop the first of many huge piles of needles onto the floor. My car would be full of pine needles and my house full of them too.

It was incredible; surely there is a finite amount of needles on a Christmas tree, yet every single tree I have ever bought deposits an entire forest’s worth on my carpet yet still seems to have an endless supply left to drop the following day.

Even when the bloody thing had gone, I would find pine needles for months afterwards. In fact, I think some of the needles we found the last time we had a real tree were from the year before.

I therefore persuaded Mrs PM to allow me to buy an artificial tree. It is the same height (around six feet six) and it looks magnificent – and it doesn’t drop needles all over the cats!

The one thing I do miss though is the smell of a nice real tree.

3. When do you put up the tree?

Usually when Mrs PM orders me to put up the tree.

4. When do you take the tree down?

As soon as possible after New Year.

5. Do you like eggnog?

Eggnog is made of milk, cream, sugar and eggs and looks like vomit. Even when you add cinnamon or brandy to it, you can’t help thinking as it passes your lips, floods over your tongue and slides down your throat that you are drinking puke.

So no – I don’t drink it.

6. Favourite gift received as a child?

An Action Man with realistic hair and gripping hands. The poor thing was sent on all sorts of dangerous missions and its hair didn’t help it one little bit as I hurled it out of my bedroom window repeatedly.

7. Hardest person to buy for?

My eldest sister and my Mum. In fact, any females, when I come to think about it, apart from Mrs PM (who drops huge hints). Regular readers may know that females make about as much sense to me as aliens so imagine how difficult it is for me to buy for them.

8. Easiest person to buy for?

The kids. If I like it, I assume they will – usually I’m right, because I am a big kid myself.

9. Do you have a nativity scene?

No.

10. Mail or e-mail Christmas cards?

I’ve decided this year to stop sending Christmas cards. I simply don’t see the point of them because I see most of the people I send them to anyway and, to be honest, they are a waste of paper. It is better, I think, to wish people a Happy Christmas in person, or by phone or simply buy them a drink.

Actually, sending emails seems a reasonable substitute, particularly for those who live far away.

11. Worst Christmas gift you ever received?

An absolutely horrific shirt. I know that I am a fashion barbarian but even I have standards.

12. Favourite Christmas movie?

I like “Scrooged” starring Bill Murray for a great laugh:

[Props man tries to attach antlers to a mouse]
Props man: I can't get the antlers glued to this little guy. We tried Crazy Glue, but it don't work.
Frank Cross: Did you try staples?

and I also like “It’s A Wonderful Life”.

13. When do you start shopping?

I aim to get all Christmas shopping out of the way by the end of November. I’ve messed up this year though because I still have one present to get – which means I have to go to the Trafford Centre on the busiest weekend of the year. Oh joy!!

14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present?

No.

15. Favourite thing to eat at Christmas?

I love mince pies.

16. Lights on the tree?

Yes. We have multicoloured lights with various eight different flicker patterns. Once I have spent three hours getting them to work, they look fabulous.

17. Favourite Christmas song?

“Fairy Tale Of New York” by the Pogues and Kirsty MacColl



18. Travel at Christmas or stay home?

We take it in turns and it’s our turn to entertain this year, which means a week of mayhem leading up to the big day. We always end up travelling to Walsall and Balckpool to visit relatives anyway.

19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer?

Only Rudolph (the drunk one) and Donner and Blitzen.

20. Angel on the tree top or a star?

A star.

21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning?

Christmas morning.

22. Most annoying thing about this time of the year?

Shopping, overeating and drinking too much.

23. Favourite ornament theme or colour?

I leave that to Mrs PM. I’m not fussy.

24. Favourite for Christmas dinner?

Turkey.

25. What do you want for Christmas this year?

A Ferrari. Failing that, a brand new 40 inch HD TV. I hope you have room in your sack Father Christmas – and I hope you’ve forgiven me for my last post.

Feel free to use this meme. All I ask is that you let me know so I can have a read.