Fawkes

 

Welcome to a damp and overcast South Manchester on November 5th, the day when we in the UK burn an effigy of a man called Guy Fawkes who tried to blow up the Houses of Parliament in 1605. He failed but for some reason we still celebrate this fact.

Most bonfires will have an effigy of poor Guy Fawked. However, in Edenbridge, they have decided to burn an effigy of Liz Truss instead. I guess in a way you could argue that she tried to destroy the UK in her brief and disastrous stint as Prime Minister of the United Kingdom.

Liz Fawkes

Personally, I would have three effigies; Truss, the Clown and a man who was once described as a “haunted pencil”, a man called Jacob Rees-Mogg, a man with traditional values, but sadly traditions that were popular in Victorian Britain. 

A haunted Victorian pencil

Thankfully, Rees-Mogg has now been relegated from the cabinet into the obscurity of the back benches where he can hopefully keep his horrendous views to himself.

Anyway, as I said, today is Bonfire Night and there will be loads of bonfires throughout the United Kingdom and lots of firework displays to accompany them. I shall not be attending any myself but there will be armies of people doing so, despite the potentially terrible weather.

Anyway, if you want to read about the gunpowder plot that gave birth to our tradition, here is a post I wrote about it back in 2009. 

Shall we answer some silly questions from Sunday Stealing? 

1.    Have you ever written to a celebrity?  Did they respond?

I once tweeted Joe Satriani to say that I loved his new album, which at the time was Black Swans and Wormhole Wizards. I don’t think he replied.

 2.  Do you read letters immediately, or wait until ready to reply

I don’t get letters these days from anybody other than banks, or other people expecting to me to part with my money. I usually read them as soon as they arrive and, once I have dealt with them, I add them to the paper recycling bin.

 3.   My preferences when it comes to reading

I am weird, so I like weird books. My favourite genres include science fiction, and anything of that ilk. I used to really like horror but I am less into such books these days, reading only the occasional one. I also like a good thriller, especially if it involves spies and conspiracies, like the works of Robert Ludlum, the man who created Jason Bourne.

 4.   What I'm least likely to change my mind about.

Politics. I am fairly stubborn in my beliefs and when it comes to watching and listening to people whose views are opposite to mine, I grant them the courtesy of listening and trying to understand them, but I struggle. 

For example, when the UK committed a colossal act of self-harm by leaving the European Union, I was and remain beside myself in anger because I simply cannot understand why there would be any benefit. What is most frustrating is that those who voted to leave simply cannot justify why they did so or even list any advantages of doing so. 

I am still angry about it after all these years, especially when I travel to the EU and now have to justify why I am entering their country, when before all I had to do was show my passport. 

In the interests of keeping myself calm, I rarely engage with people about Brexit these days. I prefer to walk away or just insist upon changing the subject.

 5.   The topics I would get wrong about during trivia

I am very good with music unless it comes after the year 2000, in which case I am absolutely useless. Anything to do with art also bamboozles me (mainly because I am not a fan of art and tend to avoid it). 

I am not bad at quizzes because I have a weird ability to retain useless information. Mrs PM is quite astounded when we watch a TV quiz because I can answer a lot of the questions. I don’t fancy ever going on a TV show though.  

 6.   What I'm hopeful about right now? 

Given the economic crisis in the UK and the war going with Russian nutcase Vlad the invader, I struggle to have hope about anything.

There are signs though. The current UK government are in a mess and their position in the polls is low enough to suggest that they will be turfed out when the next election comes around. 

I just hope that Putin either changes his mind or is overthrown before things escalate more.

 7.   Philosophies I've learned/embraced from others.

I’m always fascinated by rampant extroverts and either consciously or subconsciously picked up some of their traits. I have also tried to become more tolerant as the years go by, because, as some people have told me, there is nothing you can do about things anyway so there is little point trying to change people’s minds. 

In the interests of harmony, I avoid such conflicting debates these days. 

Life is too short.

 8.   What makes home feel like home?

I love the feeling that when I get home, I can enter a place that is basically full of everything that makes me feel comfortable and secure as soon as I close the door. There isn’t one particular thing but effectively I can shut out the outside world and become that introvert again.

 9.    Talents and skills I like to cultivate

 I always want to learn. I have worked in IT for almost 40 years and the very nature of that career requires me to learn the latest and greatest new technologies. I apply that same philosophy to life outside work too. For example, I try to improve myself by acquiring (or at least trying to acquire) new skills. 

I am learning Spanish at the moment and have been doing so for a few years on and off. I would love to be able to learn other languages too and improve on my French German and, dare I say, English too.

I am also trying to teach myself the piano and progress is definitely being made. I always thought it would be impossible to coordinate my left and right hands and I seem to be slowly learning to do just that. I am hoping that this will become a good project for when I retire. I would love to invest in a synthesiser for example and use my laptop to create some music of my own. 

And of course, I always try to improve myself as a human being – as I have alluded to above.

10.   What makes my heart race

Lucy Verasamy makes my heart skip a beat. She’s a weather girl on ITV and I must admit that I struggle to remember what the weather is going to be like once her bulletins have finished.

Of course, my heartbeat increases when I go on my daily three to four mile walk as well.

11.  What power means to me

These days it is almost synonymous with abuse. When you look at some of the leaders we have had in the world recently like Boris Johnson, Donald Trump, Jair Bolsonaro, Kim Jong-Un and of course Vladimir Putin, to name just a few, I honestly despair. 

We have had such people in power in the past of course and you rarely find decent leaders.

As I have said before, when I become World President all of these people and many many more will be put on a fleet of spaceships and dispatched into deepest space on a mission to find a new planet to ruin. 

You might say that is an abuse of power but I disagree. 

12.  Some of my comfort hobbies.

I like to write – even though the words I write are absolute gobbledygook. In the thousands of paragraphs of utter garbage, I occasionally find a couple of gems. It’s like prospecting for gold.

13.  Last time I was pleasantly surprised

On my 60th birthday, there was a whip round at work and I received some cash and a birthday card signed by some of my colleagues. I was pleasantly surprised by that I have to say, mainly because I tried to keep a low profile.

14.   How was my October 2022?

As I mentioned above, it was quite good. I turned 60 (which was not that good) but I got to visit a new country – Denmark – on a brief city break to Copenhagen.

15.   Those who inspire my growth

There are far too many people to mention. I find inspiration in most people I meet and talk to, no matter who they are. Even in the case of somebody like Boris Johnson, he would inspire me to be nothing like him.

Remember, Remember The Fifth Of November

Robert Catesby is a lucky man; not too many people in Great Britain have heard of him.

So who is he? Or should I say: who was he?

If I mention his more infamous side-kick, you may hazard a guess. I am talking about, none other than Guy Fawkes.

The mists of wonder become clear and now just about every British person knows what I am talking about.

For those of you outside Britain, let me explain.

In 1605, Robert Catesby masterminded a fiendish plot to blow up the Houses of Parliament, killing King James I and a huge number of Protestant dignitaries into the bargain.

Why? Because he was a staunch Roman Catholic at a time when Catholics saw themselves as targets for discrimination; by wiping out the King and his Protestant followers, Catesby and his men could strike a major blow and change the course of history.

Catesby handed over the responsibility of performing the deed to Guy Fawkes, who promptly managed to get caught on November 5th, 1605 before he managed to execute this monstrous act of treason. I’ll bet Catesby was a little irritated by this.

Poor Guy Fawkes was probably more than a little irritated. The Gunpowder Plot was an act of treason. Had he been alive today, Fawkes would have been imprisoned for life. However, bear in mind that this was medieval times and I can barely begin to imagine what the poor man had to go through.

First of all he was tortured. I’ve seen some of the methods for extracting information in those times and it makes me pleased that I’m alive today and not having to survive in those barbaric times. Of course, poor Guy Fawkes succumbed to the torture and blabbed the names of all his allies without a second thought. I think I would have done too if I had seen the first spike.

As a result, all were sentenced to be executed in another very nasty way; to be hanged, drawn and quartered, the punishment for treason at the time.

What does that mean?

The victim was dragged on a wooden contraption to the location of his execution, which in itself is pretty unpleasant. Upon arrival, he was led to the gallows and hanged. But it didn’t end there. While still barely alive, the condemned soul was cut down and disembowelled and castrated before watching his own body parts burned in front of him. Finally, if he was still alive at this point, his body was hacked into four quarters before finally having his head cut off and displayed on a pike.

Guy Fawkes managed to leap from the gallows before he was hanged, breaking his neck in the fall. I must admit I might have done the same had I been in his shoes.

As for Robert Catesby, he managed to evade this horrific death; he died three days after the plot was discovered, shot by soldiers in a siege – a relatively painless way to go.

Guy Fawkes is the unlucky focus for the Gunpowder Plot, and is remembered to this day. It is a tradition to commemorate the event by burning an effigy of Guy Fawkes on a huge bonfire every November 5th. Huge bonfires and firework displays occur the length and breadth of the country.

I remember as a child, creating an effigy of Guy Fawkes with friends, using old clothes, lots of newspaper and a very scary mask. We used to walk around with our ugly creation asking people to spare a “penny for the guy” so that we could buy fireworks or at least contribute to the firework fund. Kids today don’t tend to do this, I guess, because it makes them look as if they are begging for cash.

On 5th November, cities, towns and villages across the UK will organise bonfires and fireworks; many will take place in back gardens. Most places will stink of smoke and fireworks will explode into the night.

Unfortunately, kids these days tend to get hold of fireworks and start setting them off before the big night. There is an age limit on fireworks but it doesn’t stop kids somehow managing to acquire them. Organised events do help but I’m sure there will be a few accidents on and around the big night.

Anyway, back to the plot. Why do I consider Robert Catesby to be lucky? I guess it’s because although he was a treacherous traitor, he isn’t widely remembered whereas poor Guy Fawkes is mocked, ridiculed and burned annually because of his part in a Gunpowder plot that took place 404 years ago. I’m sure if he had succeeded, he would have been revered as a hero. Who knows?

In fact, Guy Fawkes also donated his name to the English language – the word “guy” is derived from his name. After all, if Robert Catesby had been the main figurehead, we would have been referring to you average bloke as a bob” or a “robert”.


I’ll leave you with a traditional English nursery rhyme about the Gunpowder Plot, something you may have heard in the film “V For Vendetta”, a modern take on the story, featuring a vigilante, who wears a Guy Fawkes mask, wreaking havoc in a future Britain ruled by a fascistic government.

Remember, remember the fifth of November,
Gunpowder treason and plot.
We see no reason
Why gunpowder treason
Should ever be forgot!

Guy Fawkes, guy, t'was his intent
To blow up king and parliament.
Three score barrels were laid below
To prove old England's overthrow.

By god's mercy he was catch'd
With a darkened lantern and burning match.
So, holler boys, holler boys, Let the bells ring.
Holler boys, holler boys, God save the king.

And what shall we do with him?
Burn him!

I wonder what Guy Fawkes would think if had known how famous he would become.