Still in the Summertime

 

Welcome to a warm South Manchester where, in the last week, summer has graced us with its presence. It’s been warm and sunny and lovely and hopefully it will carry on through this weekend. 

I’ve just been to see Deadpool and Wolverine, which I found funny and highly entertaining. I would recommend it.

Shall we dive into some questions from Sunday Stealing? 

1. How would your pet describe you

My two pets would describe me as a hot water bottle, a serf, a slave, a bodyguard and an unreliable oaf. 

I know my place.

2. Tell us a story..

Okay – here’s a story I told on this very blog waaaayyyy back in 2009. It happened to a friend of mine from university even further back in time – in 1984. Brace yourself.

The story illustrates a common mistake that anybody could make (or so my mate said – I’m not sure that I believe him). Picture the scene. At university a group of us were in a night club trying to look cool at the edge of the dance floor and make eye contact with the females in the place. I was failing miserably and horribly (as usual).

Of course, several beers had been consumed and we were all slightly tipsy. My friend, let’s call him Wally, was struck by an irresistible urge to answer the call of Mother Nature. Unfortunately for him, this would not be a quick call. In retrospect I was aware that this might have been the case because the look on his face had become more and more desperate as he had tried to hang on. I mean did he honestly think that it would “go away”?

Ultimately Mother Nature was very insistent and told him in no uncertain terms that he had a choice. Either he find a toilet NOW or she would not be responsible for the consequences; he chose wisely and quite literally sprinted to the toilet.

“Gents” toilets in nightclubs the world over are worse than the third level of hell and this particular toilet was no exception. This is possibly the reason why Wally had hung on for so long. Knowing that he required a cubicle rather than a urinal, Wally raced into the “Gents” and burst straight into the nearest cubicle. Unfortunately, it was occupied – by a woman!

She screamed.

Wally screamed

In extreme panic, and as if it would make a difference, he mumbled an apology and fled. Such was his embarrassment and distress that he was out of there in a flash and into the other toilet, safely ensconced in a cubicle before the worst happened. As he sat down, his embarrassment at having entered that “Ladies” by mistake was momentarily subdued by his relief. It took a while before his alcohol soaked brain registered the fact that he had made a colossal error and seen a girl perched on the throne.

As he sat there waiting for nature to take its course, he considered what had happened and decided that perhaps he had got away with it. After all, in his mind, he had left the poor woman so quickly that she had almost certainly not seen him properly. Perhaps it was his confused alcohol-addled brain that convinced him he was fine.

But it wasn’t fine at all.

The toilet door burst open and in ran a hysterical female hotly pursued by her friend.

“Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!” she said.

“What’s the matter?” said her friend said.

“I’ve just done something terrible. I’ve just wandered into the “Gents” by mistake. There I was, sitting on the loo when this bloke burst in and caught me with my pants down. I screamed!”

“How did you manage to go to the wrong loo?” said her concerned friend.

“I was in a hurry …”

The conversation continued.

Wally’s world collapsed around him. He had not made the initial mistake; the girl had. The original toilet was indeed the “Gents” and he was now perched on a throne in a cubicle in the “Ladies” toilets.

To make matters worse, just about every other woman in the night club chose that precise moment to go to the toilet. Girl after girl poured in; some tried the cubicle door (which thankfully was locked); others chatted about guys in the club; still more reapplied their make-up. Wally was deafened by the chatter but his brain filtered out all of that; all he heard were the words of the girl he had upset as they boomed into his head.

“I feel awful,” the unfortunate woman continued. “I can’t go back out there: I might bump into him. I’m going home.”

“You can’t go home,” her friend said. “He won’t even remember you – that’s if he’s still in here.”

And so it went on …

… and on …

… and on …

… and on …

Wally by this time had long finished his business and sat there waiting for the girls to depart, hoping that the Earth would split open and swallow him up. Sadly, the girls remained, discussing her trauma for what seemed like an eternity. To make matters worse, he had been on the throne for so long that his legs were becoming numb. He had been sitting there for ages, his elbows resting on his knee and his face cradled in his hands, shaking his head in despair.

Desperate times called for desperate measures; Wally had to act.

“I’m so embarrassed,” continued the girl. “I can’t think of anything worse.”

Wally bit the bullet. He opened the door and walked out of the cubicle at that precise moment.

“I know exactly how you feel,” he said to the girl as he casually walked out.

3. What do you pack in your beach / hiking bag

In my beach bag, I usually take a towel, a hat, my Kindle, my wallet, my phone, sun tan cream and my earbuds. 

4. How do you like to spend great weather weekends

We usually try to get outside. I love a good walk or even just to sit in the garden with a book. We also pop to the pub for a beer or two in the beer garden. Such weather isn't that common in the UK so we make the most of it when we can. 

5. Describe a time when the circumstances fell in your favour

The time when we bought our house was quite lucky really. In the UK, house prices were rising quite quickly so we bit the bullet and put an offer in on the house we now own. Sadly, we had problems with people pulling out of buying our previous place and this meant that we had delays. In the meantime the price of the house was going up and up. The then owners, thankfully, decided to have patience with us and also they didn’t raise the price so we got it at the price we offered. We were very lucky.

6. Which summer sounds do you enjoy

General outdoors sounds. At 6:30 in the morning when I stroll around, there are few cars and people and I can listen to the sound of the birds singing, especially if I go for a walk down by the river, which is lovely at this time of year. 

7. It’s not really summer until ..

I wear my shorts.

8. What music are you listening to these days

I’ve been listening to a few really good songs that I have discovered and rediscovered in the past few months. Like these:

9. How much has changed since last summer

Not an awful lot to be honest. I am a lot closer to retirement, which happens at the end of this summer. The weather in July was slightly better this year. 

10. What are your favourite things to wear in summer

It depends on the weather. If it’s warm like it is today, I like to wear a T-shirt and shorts. 

11. What do you miss about winter

Nothing. I hate winter. Actually, that’s not true. I like Christmas and New Year and it’s good sitting in a cosy lounge with Mrs PM and the cats. But I hate the short days, the cold and the terrible weather. 

12. How would you spend summer vacation as an adult

Travelling. If I had a bottomless pit of money and no responsibility I would be away. 

13. Describe your ideal get together/party

I’m not that fond of parties to be honest. I prefer smaller gatherings with fewer people. I will always go to a massive party if invited but if I am the one organising such an event it will be a much smaller and cosier event with close friends. 

14. What makes you feel like part of your community

Good neighbours and a decent place locally where you can hang out and get what you need. I live in a leafy suburb in South Manchester with great transport to get us to the city if we want to. The truth is that we tend to stay locally because there are good restaurants, shops, parks and pubs. It’s nice where I live. 

15. How was your July 2024?

The weather was a bit dodgy until the last week, resulting in a cricket match I was going to being abandoned but the last week of the month was very pleasant and it looks like, for now at least, it is continuing into August. I did manage to get to Old Trafford a couple of times before the month was over. Sadly there were no holidays in July but there will be one in a couple of weeks and another in September and October. July is usually a good month as long as the weather makes it good.