The Alpha Male

I’ve just discovered something about myself that I didn’t know, which is amazing considering that I've lived over half a century.

What's more, I’ve also discovered something that I didn’t know about my gender.

First of all, I thought that were two types of male: alpha males and non-alpha males.

I am partially right about the grouping. However, what I didn't know what that non-alpha males are further subdivided into subgroups. To summarise:

An alpha male is effectively the leader of the pack, the man who seems to attract the most women, the natural leader in a work environment whose confidence knows no bounds. He is competitive and demanding and tries to ensure that he cannot be dethroned from his position as leader.

A beta male is your best mate, the guy who will do anything for you. He is the second in command to the alpha male and, in many ways, a better partner for the opposite sex simply because he is more cooperative and helpful and knows how to maintain peace and harmony. He is sure of himself and, unlike the alpha male, does not feel the need to prove himself. Basically a beta male is a nice guy.

And then there is the omega male. He is a loser, a man who does not take responsibility for anything. The omega male is the weirdo, the creepy guy who sits in the corner and doesn’t engage with anybody; the strange fellow who doesn’t have a girlfriend and probably never will. He is essentially the exact opposite of an alpha male.

But there’s more.

The delta male is your general everyday guy. There is nothing special about him and nothing particularly bad. He is the guy you see down the pub with his mates who likes to think he is an alpha male but isn’t really. A delta male is a crowd pleaser, somebody who will follow fashion, act like an alpha male but then stop short of being one.

And still there’s more.

How about the gamma male? The gamma male is the unusual man who thinks that the world is against him and that he is really the best man around. He doesn’t conform and everything he does is for personal gain. He is a man not to be trusted.

There can’t be more, can there? Oh yes.

Let me introduce you to the sigma male. He is the lone wolf, the man who is happy in his own skin and does not follow the masses like a lost sheep or conform to anything he doesn’t believe in. The sigma male will never allow himself to be dominated by an alpha male.

That must be it. Nope – there is one final man I want to tell you about.

The lambda male is, I guess, gay, though from what I can gather he isn’t necessarily that way inclined.

So what kind of male am I? Judging from my own words above, I would put myself in the beta or delta category. However, for a laugh I have tried a few personality quizzes to help me determine my place once and for all.

To be honest, I take such personality quizzes with a pinch of salt, especially since the time that Scientologists used one to try to recruit me by convincing me that I was a suicidal maniac.

Here are the results:

One quiz suggested I am a classic combination of alpha and beta. Another told me I was 86% beta and the final one confirmed that I am in fact like most other men: a delta male.

Personally, I think I was right originally; I am a beta male.

Nevertheless, as one quiz suggested, I don’t think that anything is as clear cut as these categories suggest. I am certain that there are pure alpha males but in my experience most men have traits that fall into a couple of categories.

There are times, for example when I can be an alpha male and under those circumstances I have actually stood up to people who I believe to be pure alpha males. It kind of depends on the situation really.

I am also prone to questioning the establishment and ranting about how the world is a crazy place and that I simply do not want to conform to the path that fate has destined I should take. These are gamma and sigma male characteristics.

I can safely say with my hand on my heart that I am definitely not an omega male nor a lambda male (though to be honest, I’m not entirely sure what a lambda male is. I have certainly met gay men who I believe to be alpha males in the past).

And of course, these categories aren’t just limited to men. All of the classifications apply to women as well. I have certainly met a few alpha females in my time; they can be as difficult to deal with, if not more so, than alpha men to be honest.

So, in conclusion, this post has enlightened me as much as it has hopefully enlightened you, dear reader.

I had no idea that we as people can fall into so many personality categories. I would go further and suggest that, really, there are probably a lot more than the ones I have listed.

Humans are complicated animals and, while attempting to classify us according to our personality and behaviour seems to be a logical thing to do, it is far more complex a task than popping us all into one of seven groups.

I imagine that there are a lot of people in the world with a similar personality to me but one thing I do know is that there is not another Plastic Mancunian on earth (I’m not talking about people who claim to be Mancunian but aren’t really from Manchester).

There is nobody in the world exactly like me.

I am unique, dear reader.

And so are you.

However, I would be interested to hear which group you think you belong to.

Are you alpha, beta, gamma, delta, sigma, omega or lambda or maybe a mixture of all of them?