The "You Can't Be Missed" Meme

It’s been a while since I’ve attempted a Sunday Stealing meme and yet again, I find this week’s is the last part of a four part meme.

What the hell – I’ll attempt all four parts.

Here goes.

1. Which state do you consider to be the most boring state?

I would say being asleep is the most boring state I’ve ever been in. Ah – or are you talking American states? If you are, then I would say the dullest state I’ve been to is Oklahama, which is probably a bit unfair as I was working there rather than being on holiday.

2. If any chef from the Food Network (or any well known chef) could cater your wedding, who would it be?

There aren’t any famous chefs that I actually like, so the answer is none. I’d rather cook myself than have one of these overrated egomaniacs serving their slop to me.

3. What's the last thing you ate that was red?

Red pepper. I’m not the kind of weirdo who eats raw red peppers by the way – it was part of an omelette – a weird omelette I guess.

4. Have you ever questioned the sexuality orientation of a close friend?

No. I know the sexual orientation of all my close friends.

5. Everyone loses a friend after some big fight. Tell us about one.

I don’t think I’ve ever lost a friend after a fight. So there!

6. Have you ever washed an iPod or mp3 player in the washing machine?

I would dearly love to wash Mrs PM’s mp3 player in a washing machine – perhaps it would rid our house of some dreadful music. Apart from that, the answer is no.

7. Have you ever screamed / yelled angrily at a boss?

Yes. And I want to do that all the time.

8. Have you ever cried yourself to sleep?

Only when my dad died.

9. Have you ever regretted being in a relationship with someone?

Yes. My first major girlfriend was a nutcase and I dumped her far too late.

10. Have you ever acted like you understood something when you didn't have a clue?

Oh yes. Some people say that I do that all the time at work but it simply isn’t true. I usually nod my head when somebody like a mechanic is explaining why the engine of my car is screwed. I don’t understand a bloody word he is telling me but I try to give the impression that I do.

11. Have you ever thought someone must have been insane? If yes, tell us something about the person.

A friend of mine tried bungee jumping and I thought his brain had self-destructed.

12. Have you ever pretended to be younger than what you are?

I do this all the time. I look around ten years younger than I am so I normally get away with it.

13. Back in the day, did you ever cry because you were turned down for a date?

No. I once metaphorically had my heart ripped out of my chest by a woman I fancied massively. I watched as she metaphorically crushed it in her hands. And not one tear escaped from my eyes. I felt like shit for weeks though.

14. Have you ever (or your significant other) had a pregnancy scare?

I’ve never had a pregnancy scare because I am a man. The women in my life have never had one either.

15. Have you ever pretended to like someone when you didn't?

Yes – but I am saying no more.

16. What was the last thing you did that was totally selfish, yet you feel no guilt?

I’ve just watched the Champions League final on the TV even though Mrs PM hates football. Do I care? Not one jot.


17. Tell us about a film fave of yours that we probably have not seen.

One of my favourite cult movies is “The Warriors”; a New York gang called has to get from the Bronx to Coney Island through the territory of other gangs, all of whom are after them.

18. When was the last time you kissed someone that you shouldn't have on the lips?

That was probably in my youth when I was drunk. I don’t recall any recent incidents and my face remains unslapped as a result.


19. When was the last time you cooked something for someone not in your family?

Fairly recently. When friends come to visit I usually chip in with the cooking.

20. When was the last time you danced like a crazy person?

That would have to be New Year’s Eve last year. Apparently there is photographic evidence.


21. When was the last time you just wanted to be invisible?

I would LOVE to be invisible. My mind is boggling just thinking about the possibilities.

22. When was the last time you got a gift you absolutely hated?

Christmas last year. Somebody (usually my mum) buys me a present that I don’t want or like. I haven’t got the heart to tell her.

23. When was the last time you got into a physical fight? (If NEVER, let us know about a time that you got close to a fight.)

I punched a mate called Alan at a party when I was a student. He was pouring red wine down the back of my white shirt “for a laugh” and when I turned round, he continued pouring it down the front. The red mist descended so rapidly that I had hit him before I actually contemplated what I was doing. I left the party and left him with a bruised face. We are still friends though.

24. When was the last time you had to sleep with a light on?

Again, as a student, I watched “The Exorcist” for the first time. It scared me so much that I had to sleep with the light on and I have been too scared to watch it since. What a coward I am.

25. When was the last time you were under some serious stress?

Around fifteen years ago at work I was so stressed that I had to go to the doctors. Since then I have decided to walk away from stressful situations or at least try to deal with them before it gets too late. So far I have been successful. I still occasionally flirt with stress but cope most of the time.


26. When was the last time you watched your favorite movie?

I have lots of favourite movies so I would say, probably, within the last week or two.

27. What song did you most recently downloaded?

I don’t download songs – I buy CD’s. The last CD I bought was “Wasting Light” by the Foo Fighters.

28. What would you say is your favorite hobby?

I would say writing/blogging. Although I am a crap writer, I actually still enjoy pouring my thoughts into cyberspace for people like you to read.

29. What is your favorite thing to do when you hang out with friends?

Drink beer.

30. What would you rather do: shower or bathe with that celebrity that you are crushing on?

I suppose I would shower with that celebrity – if I had to.

31. What is your absolute favorite dessert?

Black Forest Gateau.

32. What can someone do to make you smile, no matter what?

Tell me a joke, show me their children or their pets.


33. What do the hip people think of you?

They don’t think I’m hip. I’m too old to be hip.

34. What was the last gift you bought someone?

I bought our next door neighbour a bunch of roses for looking after our cats while we were away in Lisbon.


35. What was your favorite class in high school?

I am assuming that you mean “subject”. I enjoyed maths because I was good at it, but chemistry gave me the opportunity to make substances that dissolve paper or cause explosions.

36. How many spouses would be about right?

One.

37. What would you say was the most embarrassing moment of your life?

There are far too many to mention. Here are a couple of recent ones:

Being laughed at by somebody in an adjacent car as I bawled out the lyrics to “Hungry” by Lita Ford.

Spilling an entire cup of boiling hot tea onto my desk at work, covering papers, notes and my keyboard as well as my trousers.

Spilling a cup of coffee on my crotch in front of customers in Amsterdam first thing in the morning. My trousers were light brown so it looked as if I had pissed my pants. I had to walk around like that for the rest of the day and lots of people sniggered. Nobody asked whether scalding hot coffee had done any damage.

38. Have you ever donated money to charity?

I do so every week at work and at home.


39. Has porn ever had a positive place in a current or recent relationship?

No – unless you count laughing at it. Laughing’s positive isn’t it?


40. Would you ever dump the one you're with for someone who makes an obvious play and is MUCH hotter?

Not a chance.


41. Have you ever disowned one of your relatives?

No.

42. Would you think it's OK to cheat on someone if they've already cheated on you?

If somebody cheated on me then in all likelihood I would not be in a relationship with her for much longer anyway. So it’s a bit of an irrelevant question.

43. Did you ever consider becoming a teacher?

I haven’t the patience for it.

44. Would you ever give a hitch-hiker a ride somewhere?

It depends how good looking she is.


45. Would you ever try fasting for a whole week?

No – I love food too much.

46. Would you ever try to quit one of your addictions, or better said: Bad Habits?

I try to stop my bad habits all the time. Sadly writing crap for you, dear reader, is too enjoyable.

47. Could you ever kill yourself to save someone else?

Good question – I would do my utmost to save both of our lives.

48. Does it matter if break up with someone or have them dump you?

I’m not sure I understand the question. I think that a missing word might clarify it.

49. Would you rather have a turtle or a frog for a pet?

A turtle definitely. My big fat cat has been known to catch frogs.

50. Would you rather spend a day with Lady Gaga or Miley Cyrus?

Lady Ga Ga. I think she’s as mad as a barrel of eels and even though her music is crap I think it would be entertaining.

51. Would you rather learn to play piano or guitar?

One of my regrets is that I never learned to play the guitar.


52. We're going back to the day. Where did you get your kicks?

At the pub or at football matches.

53. What Asian country would you like to visit the most? Why?

I would love to visit Japan. As well as being a crazy place, Japan has the best gadgets in the world and I am a gadget geek.


54. Have you ever thought that a passer-by was the one (think James Blunt, here)?

No. And please – I do not ever want to think about James Blunt.

55. Ever told someone that your fake jewelery was really real?

I don’t wear jewellery.

56. Where are the worst public restrooms?

China – without a doubt. Satan himself would refuse to use a Chinese public toilet.

57. What song was the latest one that got overplayed really fast?

All of the ones in the charts are overplayed – and crap as well.


58. What Friends (American TV show from the 90s) character are you most like?

I would say Chandler.


59. When's the last time you had a Popsicle?

I’ve never had a popsicle. I’ve probably had the English equivalent.

60. What TV show from way back would you love to see reappear?

Babylon 5.