Sunday 14 September 2008

The Curse Of Libra

Many people ask me, “Why are you such an arse?”

I ignore that question.

Other people ask me, “Why can’t you make a decision?”

Mrs PM usually answers that for me: “Because he’s a Libran”.

Personally I have always struggled with astrology because I find it difficult to believe that every day one twelfth of the population suffer the exact same trauma.

Here’s my horoscope for today (snatched from a random internet astrology site):

"It may be difficult to find employment now; perhaps you are ill"

How mad is that? What does it mean exactly? Who the hell cares?

Mrs PM believes in this nonsense and reads my horoscope to me every day, interpreting the phrase “No, I do not want to know my horoscope” as “Yes please. Tell me what fate has in store for me today”.

She also believes that I am a typical Libran.

Here are some of the personality traits of every human being born between September 24th and October 23rd:

(1) Librans are diplomatic – I suppose I am diplomatic. For example, when introduced to a truly ugly person, I don’t say “AARRGGHH! Phone the zoo – one of their gorillas has escaped”.

(2) Librans are polite– I suppose I am polite. I don’t lick gravy off the plate and I don’t eat steak with a chisel.

(3) Librans are charming – Mrs PM might disagree with this one. I can be charming but I can also be downright anti-social, particularly to humans.

(4) Librans are romantic – I am romantic, although when I buy flowers for Mrs PM, she usually says “What have you done?”

(5) Librans are easygoing – This is true. I do like to take a chilled out approach to life.

(6) Librans love art – I positively HATE art – well modern art anyway (read about it here).

(7) Librans appreciate beauty – I love beauty, particularly female beauty. I’ve had to cut down on commenting on this though, particularly in front of Mrs PM. I don’t like pain.

(8) Librans are sensitive – I am sensitive. I’ve lost count of the number of films I’ve cried at. Now don’t laugh because I am baring my soul here – I blubbed like a baby when I first saw Star Trek II – The Wrath Of Khan. And I cry every single time. Imagine what I am like when I see films like Titanic and Ghost?

I also admit to being indecisive. I really have to weigh up the consequences of every single choice because I hate making the wrong decision. I hate upsetting people and tear my soul apart trying to find the right choice to please everybody.

I have just returned from a business trip in South Africa, with a female colleague. At the end of a hard day, we returned to our hotel and met up for our evening meal. There was a choice of restaurants. The conversation went something like this:

ME: What do you fancy eating?

MY COLLEAGE: I don’t know. What do you fancy eating?

ME: I don’t know. It’s up to you. What would you like?

MY COLLEAGUE: I’ll have whatever you choose. What would you like?

ME: I don’t know. What do you think?

MY COLLEAGUE: I’ll have whatever you prefer. What do you prefer?

ME: I don’t know. By the way, are you Libran?


In fact, that is just a snippet of the conversation. We stood outside three or four restaurants for a good twenty minutes being totally indecisive. When we finally made a decision, we sat in the restaurant for a further hour, deciding what to eat. I pointed out that Librans were supposed to be indecisive and she agreed that she was. In fact, our personalities were very similar, uncannily so.

So it may be that I am a typical Libran. And that disturbs me. Why? Because if all Librans are the same then I share the same personality traits as a politician that I positively despise: Margaret Thatcher.

Yes, I share the same personality traits as Attila the Hen; a woman famous for being selfish, having no compassion and ruling the country with a rod of steel. She would be my nemesis.

So given the evidence, I’ll leave you to decide whether I am a true Libran or not. I can’t.


Anonymous said...

Enjoyed reading your blog :)

Anonymous said...

As I am also a Libra, the "what do you want to eat?" question is always a back and forth conversation of undecisiveness similar to the one that you posted. Although I've never been asked if I was a Libra because of the undecisiveness, people that have known me for a while often will pick an option quickly so that they won't have to hear plenty of "I don't know" or "I don't care, it's up to you" answers from me.

Anonymous said...

This post is hilarious.

I'm a a typical virgo. I am a curse and my own worst enemy.

Plastic Mancunian said...

Thanks for the comments, folks.

Astrology is amusing; reading the daily horoscope makes me howl with laughter - particularly when the words "moon rising with Mars" or "Saturn's influence on Uranus" are cited as some kind of scientific proof of concept.

I feel this may be the first post in a series of "The Curse Of ..."



Anonymous said...

Okay, this is how you handle it.

The next time someone asks you, “Why can’t you make a decision?” And Mrs PM answers: “Because he’s a Libran”.

You look at them completely dead pan and say, "Yes, I'm a Librarian. You wouldn't believe the books we have at the local Library."

Head bender!!!
LOL :) :)

PS I never read the astrology thingys. I prefer the advneture of not knowing who I am or where I'm going!!!! :) LOL LOL

Anonymous said...

PS: I particulary love lines in the newspaper like:

"The influences of Uranus"


"The affects of Uranus on...."

LMAO -- Or should I say, "Laughing Uranus off"...


Okay I'm out of here!
Enough said!!!
:) :)

Plastic Mancunian said...

Thanks for the advice Robin




Anonymous said...

So I'm a Libra Sun Virgo Moon Capricorn rising