The Technophile: Music

I am a technophile and I love the evolution of technology. My one regret is that I won’t be able to enjoy the technological advances of the next two hundred years, unless I can come back as a ghost (which I fully intend to do to haunt every one of you, dear readers).

I thought I would write a couple of posts about how technology has changed in my lifetime just to impress upon you how wonderful technology is.

I will start with music.

When I was a kid, my parents owned a contraption called a radiogram, which looked something like this:

Basically it was a cupboard containing a radio, a record player and space to store LP’s and singles. If you are under 30 then I think I need to explain what an LP is; basically it is a vinyl record that you played at 33⅓ revolutions per minute on the record player and music came out of the speakers. It stood for Long Play and there was music on both sides. 

The alternative was a single that you played at 45 revolutions per minute but in this case there was only one song per side.

My grandparents lived next door and they actually owned records that you played at 78 revolutions per minute, on a wind up contraption like this:

Over the next ten or so years, these contraptions were replaced by music centres with Dolby Stereo. My dad, also a technophile, had absolutely no idea what Dolby Stereo meant, but he wanted it. He ended up with something like this:

And as technology improved, he upgraded, allowing me to have his cast offs. Music centres had one thing that made life far more enjoyable – cassette tape players. You could record off the radio onto cassette tapes or borrow LP’s off your mates to tape them for yourself at a fraction of the price.

This was good for many reasons. First of all, I hated vinyl records. Many people, even today, are fans of vinyl and my theory is that they are simply purists – or people who do not understand or trust modern technology. I for one am glad that vinyl is on its way out. 

Why?

First, vinyl records are easy to scratch, effectively ruining them. Second, if you put them near to a source of heat, they warp. In both cases, they become unplayable:

If you lent them to a mate, they would invariably come back in a far worse state.

Although tapes were better and more robust, even they could be damaged. I have had many a machine, be it a music centre or Walkman that has spontaneously decided to become a cannibal and eat my tape:

For me, the greatest invention was the Compact Disc and they were invented at exactly the right time in the 1980’s. Back then, I was just beginning to be able to save money – and was therefore able to spend lots of money on music. 

So I did. 

I bought loads of CD’s and over the years my collection has exploded. I currently own hundreds of them. and they are in all stashed away in a cupboard in our spare room, banished by Mrs PM, who thinks I am a hoarder and is desperate for me to get rid of them.

No bloody chance!

CD’s were indestructible, although people claim they degrade over time. My CDs from the 1980’s still sound as clear as they always did. 

But now, just like vinyl, they are an endangered species. All of my music is stored on a tiny little device that you may have heard of, called an iPod, which can store an obscene amount of music. If I trebled my CD collection I would still be able to accommodate it on this tiny little device. 

Even better, all of my music is backed up to my desk top computer and I am able to play my entire collection randomly through a couple of tiny speakers with the same quality (if not better) than the hi-fi I had in the 1980’s.

Better still I can compile statistics about my listening habits, genres, song lengths, album ratings etc. 

I am not really a statistics geek but if I were I could tell you that:

The longest song I own is Octavarium by Dream Theater which comes in at a magnificent 24 minutes.

The shortest song is Convict by Queensÿrche at 9 seconds.

In recent weeks the song I have played most is Drive Home by Steven Wilson.

I have 6546 songs which would take me 20.6 days to listen to if I were to play them consecutively.

Now while I have embraced the latest technology, I have stopped short of walking right to the edge. You see, I still share something with my old dad who like to store his LP’s in a cupboard in his radiogram; I want to physically own my CDs. I want the actual CD with the booklet, with the lyrics, the album cover and all of the other bumph that comes with it. 

I know I can download any song I want  from the internet and copy it to my iPod, my desktop computer, my phone, my laptop, my tablet and my memory stick as well as backing it up on my backup disk stowed safely away upstairs.

But I can also rip my CD and do exactly the same – and I have a physical disc to tell me that this is mine – this is my album and you can’t have it.

In that way, I am a little old fashioned.

Over to you, dear reader:

Are you a lover of vinyl?

Do you prefer CD’s? 

Are you riding the tide of technology and downloading everything?

Classical Music - Meet Heavy Metal

While browsing YouTube I came across a music video called Dr Who Meets Metal, which features a guitarist shredding the Doctor Theme tune and it is extremely good, if you are a fan of heavy metal that is.

However, even if you are not a fan of heavy metal, it is certainly interesting. Here it is:

And, dangerously, this got me thinking.

People who hate heavy metal  often tell me that it is a dirge, a hellish noise. The truth is while it may be noisy, typically a great guitarist plays his instrument with extreme virtuosity, similar virtuosity to any great musician.

That is one of the reasons why I genuinely love the genre.

I also read an article once that suggested that people who like classical music share almost identical personality traits as those of us who love heavy metal. What personality traits are these? Apparently classical music lovers and metalheads are both:

(a) Introverted – I am an introvert definitely. That is not the same as being shy (which I am also); I love my own company – but can be extrovert depending on the situation.

(b) Creative – Am I creative? Possibly, if you regard the bilge you are currently reading as “creative” then maybe I am – a little.

(c) At ease with myself – Definitely – more so as I get older.

Classical music devotees and heavy metal lovers are both obsessive about music, something I hold my hand up to – and have no shame about.

And as unlikely as it seems, you can actually mix the two genres.

My favourite heavy metal and hard rock songs are those that walk hand in hand with classical music. I can almost feel the scepticism, dear reader. I can sense you saying:

“Hang on! How can you possibly meld beautiful orchestral music with the dreadful noise pollution that is heavy metal? You talk a lot of rubbish normally but this is a new low even for you.”

I can understand that view – but I am right and hopefully I will prove it.

Here is an example from Rainbow, with their interpretation of Walking In The Air from The Snowman:

Rainbow also produced a song called Difficult to Cure with elements of Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony:

These days, bands are not really covering classical music but writing their own versions. Dream Theater for example, a progressive metal band, produced a 42 minute epic called Six Degrees Of Inner Turbulence, split into seven parts. The first part is the overture and has all the elements of a spectacular piece of classical music, but with added drums and guitar:

 I would also like to introduce you to a concept called Symphonic Metal, which is a beautiful amalgamation of hard rock/heavy metal and classical music, including orchestral arrangements, opera and sometimes even choirs. A lot of these bands use keyboards to simulate orchestral arrangements and the effect is quite amazing.

An example of Symphonic Metal is a band I have discovered at the start of the year called Nightwish. Well, they are not exactly new, having been around for years, but they are to me. The band is from Finland and their style of music completely embraces both heavy metal and classical music, often merging the two seamlessly.

Here are a couple of examples of their work:

Another example is one of my recent discoveries, a Dutch symphonic metal band called Within Temptation who produced one of my favourite recent albums. Here are a couple of examples:

So, dear reader, there is something more to heavy metal and hard rock than noise and loud guitars; it can embrace other styles of music.

I’ll leave you with another beautiful song that has classical overtones; it is by a little known Manchester band called Ten, who I think ought to be a lot more famous than they are. This song is simply magnificent and the guitars and drums have been toned down in favour of the melody and the vocals.

I hope you like it.

Life's Sick Joke

Life is great.

Life is a gift that we should all take full advantage of, something we should grasp with both hands and squeeze as much fun and enjoyment out of before fate decides to whisk it away from us.

However, we all know that there are constraints that stop us from acquiring all of the pleasure and delight that life offers.

I hear a little voice from time to time warning me of the consequences of overindulgence, usually in tabloid newspapers, on the news or in the rhetoric of self-obsessed megalomaniacs who seem to think that life should be lived their way instead of mine.

And of course, there is nature itself that seems to delight in playing one almighty sick joke on the whole of humanity.

It is this latter constraint that I wish to bring to you attention, dear reader (even though you know all about it and will no doubt agree with me).

Mother Nature is a wonderful thing but rules us with a rod of iron, applying all manner of rules that are punishable by curtailing the gift of life.

Here are some examples:

Fatty food is divine. There is nothing more satisfying that waking up in the morning and devouring a full English breakfast of bacon, sausage, egg, black pudding, beans, toast covered in butter, all washed down with a massive cup of strong tea or a potent brain boosting cup of extra strong and delicious coffee.

Yet if I were to have that breakfast every single day of my life, I would grow fat and the dark figure with the scythe would almost certainly call for me a lot earlier than his original plan to. Fat is bad for you, caffeine is bad for you and endless bacon and sausage is bad for you.

The same can be said of burgers and fries washed down with fizzy soft drink. Eating such food on a regular basis will turn you into a huge monster and Mr Death will come calling sooner rather than later. Sugar and fat are simply killers in disguise.

And what about chocolate and cream and monstrous desserts? People love them yet if they overindulge the same thing will happen; they will look like a walking whale with the scythe-carrier marching behind and looking at his watch with a knowing grin on his face.

Smoking and alcohol are the same. There is nothing better than a pint of ale after a tough week but if you choose to take it to excess, you will pickle your vital organs.

You can’t even spend your life sitting in front of your tellybox. Watching too much television, so experts say, dulls the brain and at the same time stops you from exercising to keep your body in shape.

And while exercising helps, keeping Mr Death at bay, you can even fall foul of that if you overdo it.

Thrill seekers who like to hurl themselves off cliffs have the Grim Reaper as a constant companion, waiting for a burst of adrenaline so great that the scariest adventure might result in premature demise.

It’s a sick joke, dear reader.

We should be able to live our life as we want to without Mother Nature stepping in and applying certain rules to it.

“Yes, Mr Mancunian, you can stuff your face with steak every night for the next ten years and wash it down with the finest red wine from France – but it will cost you twenty years of this most precious gift.”

“Yes Mr Mancunian, you can bungee jump off a high bridge in New Zealand but one day that bungee rope might just snap.”

“Of course you can drive a fast car around a track, Dave, but I can’t promise that you will not crash into a wall at high speed.”

But it’s worse than that. Some of these constraints are built into my brain. For example, I want to see as much of the world as I can and this includes the desire to climb to the top of the Eiffel Tower, the Empire State Building and other huge man-made structures, as well as Nature’s own constructs, to see the view and marvel at our beautiful planet.

But in my case, Mother Nature has said:

“Sorry Dave, I’m going to stop you from seeing the whole of Dubai from the top of the Burj Khalifa; you need a fear of heights to limit what you can see of the world.”

It’s not fair.

I’m greedy.

I want it all.

So while life is great, it could be so much better, if Mother Nature cut us some slack and allowed me to indulge in the way I want to.

Sadly, she won’t allow it – and  I, like you, dear reader, am powerless to resist.

I am certain that Mr Reaper is waiting in the wings (at least 200 years in the future with any luck) so now my challenge is to keep him at arm’s length while keeping old Mother Nature happy.

I can do this by indulging my desires – but limiting them.

I can enjoy an English Breakfast every so often, spend the occasional evening watching my tellybox all night, enjoy a pint or three down the pub occasionally and even get some half decent exercise with a daily two mile walk and the occasional six mile hike at the weekend.

Sadly, I think my fear of heights is here to stay so I no longer plan to climb any mountains or man-made structure higher than my own house.

Mother Nature’s henchman might be stalking us all but we should plan to make his life difficult.

Whisking us away may be his raison d’etre but like Mother Nature can play a sick joke on him by keeping him as far away as possible.

The truth is that if you don’t stuff your face with a huge slab of chocolate cake every day, it is certainly more enjoyable when you do allow yourself to have one occasionally.

And when you do, just address Mother Nature and her henchman:

“Screw you! This is MY divine cake and this is my divine day to stuff my face with it.”

That cake will taste so much better, I can assure you.

Top Ten British Sitcoms

Having posted my favourite American sitcoms, I think it is only fair to list my favourite comedies from my own wonderful country. As I suggested in my last post, I prefer British comedy, maybe because the humour is much closer to home.

So without further waffling, let’s dive straight in. I apologise for any obvious omissions (Only Fools and Horses almost made it – but not quite).

10. Black Books

I am going to start with an odd little comedy show that ran for three seasons on Channel 4 featuring three very bizarre characters. Bernard Black, played by Dylan Moran is the owner of Black Books, a small bookshop, and doesn’t like customers, often being rude to them, and possessing a negative outlook on life while quaffing red wine. His oldest friend is Fran, played by Tamsin Grieg who herself is a bit weird and spends most of her time trying to get Bernard to behave in an acceptable manner. Finally, Manny is Bernard’s assistant, played by Bill Bailey and tries to make Black Books something more than it is while being treated with utter contempt by Bernard, who begrudgingly accepts that Manny is good for the shop. The show is slightly eccentric but very funny and all characters are superbly portrayed.

9. Drop the Dead Donkey

Drop the Dead Donkey was a very clever comedy show set in a newsroom, and recorded just a day or two before transmission so that the writers could include the latest news items in the show. It was full of hilarious but flawed characters each of whom had their own problems that usually spilled out into the show. The newsroom was run by a man called Gus Hedges who’s every utterance were complete phrases of business bullshit.

8. The IT Crowd

The IT Crowd is a personal comedy for me because, as you may know, dear reader, I work in IT myself. The show centres around Moss and Roy, who are two geeks working in the IT support department of a big company, and their boss Jen. The IT department is forgotten in the bowels of the multi-storey building they work in and all the guys seem to do is answer the phone and say “have you tried switching it off and back on again?” (a trade secret if you are supporting a system).

And although I am a geek myself, I am nothing like Roy and Moss.

“I have come here to kick ass and drink milk … and I’ve finished my milk!”

7. The Office

I remember watching The Office for the first time, thinking it was a real documentary – that is until I started laughing out loud. What I like most about the series is that I know a real life David Brent, a man who thinks that he is a frustrated entertainer who everybody loves, but is really a bloody idiot. The show was so successful that the format was sold to many countries, each of which put their own spin on the show (in fact the American version is also very funny and features in my top ten US sitcoms).

6. Father Ted

I’m cheating a little here because strictly speaking, Father Ted is from Ireland. Nevertheless, I will cheat anyway as I think it is hilarious. Father Ted Crilly is the parish priest of a remote Irish enclave called Craggy Island and lives with two other priests, Father Dougal who is like a stupid child, Father Jack, a cantankerous old drunkard who is totally repulsive and politically incorrect, and their housekeeper Mrs Doyle. I was brought up a Catholic myself and I would have loved it if the priests who took Mass were even remotely like the priests portrayed in the series; I might even have stayed being a practicing Catholic.

5. One Foot In The Grave

Victor Meldrew has become a fictional national treasure, with his grumpy outlook on life and his cries of “I don’t believe it!” when confronted by the absurdity of life. It’s amazing that the lives of a normal elderly couple living in a typically English suburb can suffer so much pain and bad luck but the Meldrews, particularly Victor, have to endure so much. Of course, if you have seen the show, you will know that Victor Meldrew brings most of the misfortune on himself. Mrs PM (and others) have remarked that I am slowly turning into Victor Meldrew – I bloody well hope not!

4. The Young Ones

In 1981, I was in the right place at the right time to fully appreciate The Young Ones. It is the story of four totally obnoxious students sharing a house: Rick, the obnoxious sociology student; Vyvyan, the mentally unstable and extremely violent medical student; Neil the nature loving hippy; Mike who thought he was the coolest man on the planet.

The show was full of mayhem and I know it didn’t appeal to adults at the time; it was puerile disgusting, violent and extremely silly – but hilarious. You had to be there – and I was!

3. Red Dwarf

If I were the last human being alive, I would like to think that I would share some of Dave Lister’s traits. I also live with three cats and the thought of a humanoid evolved from my hellcat would be a nightmare. I also know at least one person as obnoxious and generally unlikeable as Arnold Rimmer. Oh – and I want Kryten to live in my house and wash, and clean for me.

You may wonder what I am going on about. If you don’t then you will have never watched Red Dwarf and you will not understand the phrase “Better Dead Than Smeg”.

I actually saw Craig Charles(Dave Lister) in Manchester airport. At the time he was starring in the soap opera, Coronation Street, playing a character called Lloyd. A female friend said (rather loudly and in full earshot of Craig) “It’s Lloyd from Corrie!”. “No it’s not, “ I exclaimed. “It’s “Dave Lister!”

We then proceeded to argue about Red Dwarf vs Coronation Street.

I looked across and saw him shrug his shoulders and shake his head with an embarrassed wry smile.

If you are reading, Craig, I do apologise.

2. Fawlty Towers

There have been fewer more insufferable and rude characters than Basil Fawlty, the owner and manager of Fawlty Towers, a hotel situated in Torquay on the south coast of England. Most people expect to be treated with respect in hotels, but Fawlty seems to allow his own judgement of people determine how he treats them. If he doesn’t like you then you are in trouble. Aided by his domineering wife, a waitress who should have left years ago and a Spanish waiter who struggles to speak English, chaos always ensues.

Thankfully I have never stayed in a hotel like it – thank goodness.

1. Blackadder

Edmund Blackadder started out in the Dark Ages, as a weasel, a sycophantic loser with no brains and a purely detestable prince of the realm. His servant Baldrick was the brains of the operation, always with a cunning plan to rescue his hapless master. By the fourth series, set in World War 1, Blackadder was no longer a prince but had evolved into a devious and unpleasant character whose only thoughts were about himself. Baldrick had devolved into a repulsive little idiot.

While series one was a little hit and miss, the remaining three series, and the two specials, were and are comedy masterpieces. I remember showing an episode of Blackadder II to two American women – and they just didn’t get it (or even understand it), which is a real shame. However, it does highlight my initial point about loving comedy that is closer to home. US comedy is good – but not as good as British comedy.

#







And finally…

Over to you, dear reader.

Have you seen any of the sitcoms above?

Do you agree with me?

If not, what are your favourite British sitcoms?

Mr Sleepy Head

I have just returned from a trip to Oman and am desperately trying to adjust my body clock to match UK time. Even though there is only three hours difference between Muscat and my sleep has been curtailed by being jammed up in economy class like a battery hen on a flight that left Abu Dhabi at 2:30 and flew overnight.

I hardly got a wink of sleep, either smashing my legs on the seat in front or being pushed by somnambulists, walking down the aisle in a trance on their way to the toilet having quaffed too much liquid in the airport.

I arrived at home at 8:30 in the morning and went straight to bed. And today, a day later, I am shattered and don’t know when to sleep.

There are people I work with who follow the mantra of Mr Motivator, whose drive and desire to work at 200% mean that, in their opinion, there aren’t enough hours in a day. Such people think that I should have gone into work on Friday – for at least half a day, “because there is so much to do and the work won’t complete itself”.

I wasn’t asked directly – probably because the people concerned know that my response would have rhymed with “duck trough”.

I have many reasons to dislike (and for some people actually detest) those who follow the work ethics of Mr Motivator but lack of sleep and tiredness are major ones.

When I travel to a place like China, a journey that can last over 18 hours, I am expected to work as soon as I possibly can after I arrive. The first day of work is usually totally non-productive because of jet lag.

How people expect you to work, when the time difference is eight hours and you have travelled for almost an entire day on at least one long haul flight on an aircraft where sleep is utterly impossible, is totally beyond my comprehension.

Yet it happens.

And that is just the travelling aspect. I have heard Mr Motivator say absurd things like:

“Don’t believe people who say that you need a minimum of seven hours of sleep a night are just lazy. You can get by on four hours. Margaret Thatcher did – and so do I!”

Everybody needs a different amount of sleep. Not everyone is like Mr Motivator. I would go further and say that while Mr Motivator thinks he can get away with only five hours sleep, the reality is that he can’t. You will see him sitting there yawning occasionally and totally fuelled by caffeine to get him through the day.

I’ve done some research on this and I hope that Mr Motivator is reading because people really do need sleep. Here are ten effects of lack of sleep:

(1) Tiredness causes accidents. If you live miles away from work and have to drive on a motorway after only a couple of hours’ sleep, the chances of having an accident because of drowsiness and slow reaction times is vastly increased.

(2) You are more stupid. Lack of sleep impairs concentration and alertness and slows down your capacity to think clearly. In a job like mine, where I need to use my brain to solve problems, I need a full night’s sleep to make my mind sharp for the challenges of the day. This may explain some of Margaret Thatcher’s ridiculous policy decisions.

(3) You look older. Sleep deprivation can have a detrimental effect on your skin, as well as those bags under your puffy eyes, making you look as if you have aged a number of years.  The term “beauty sleep” was not coined as a joke. And it is quite clear that I need a lot of beauty sleep.

(4) Increased health problems. Being a hypochondriac, I wish I hadn’t discovered this. Lack of sleep can increase your chances of suffering from heart disease, high blood pressure, strokes and diabetes.

(5) Lower sex drive. Apparently age has an effect on your sex drive so if you are also not getting enough sleep then your libido will suffer. I can’t make myself younger (God knows I’ve tried) so I think I need more sleep.

(6) Depression. Depression is bad enough but if you can’t or won’t sleep because you are depressed, the  condition can be aggravated.

(7) Forgetfulness. As I grow older my memory is fading slowly but if you do not sleep enough, your already addled brain struggles even more to locate nuggets of information locked in your mind in little boxes labelled “Do not forget this”.

(8) You get fatter. Latest research suggests that lack of sleep can increase your appetite, causing you to eat more and therefore put on weight.

(9) Impaired judgement. Your brain suffers quite a lot because of sleep deprivation but as well as the effects mentioned above, your ability to assess situations correctly is also impaired.

(10) Increased risk of death. Possibly the scariest effect is that lack of sleep can increase the risk of fatal health issues.

If you are reading this, Mr Motivator, and think that I should spend more of my time working and not sleeping then you can think again. You may feel like you can survive on five or six hours’ sleep but I can’t. I need at least seven hours and I will continue to do that.

I am pretty sure that any readers who regularly wake up naturally after a full night of sleep will agree with me that there is no better feeling. You are refreshed, your brain is alert and you do not need a bulletproof caffeine injection to stimulate your groggy brain into action.

There may not be enough hours is a day for you Mr Motivator, but that is your problem and not mine.

I will not lose any sleep over your ill-judged advice, particularly if I have just suffered the ignominy of trying to sleep on a crammed aircraft next to a snoring bloater who is so fat that every time he moves, the entire aircraft shifts to the right, causing my knees to smash into the seat once more.

You should not have to adapt to a lifestyle created by Mr Motivator, dear reader; tell him to bugger off and get your eight hours of sleep.

You will feel healthier than he does.

I feel like starting a campaign.

Who’s with me?

Top Ten U.S. Sitcoms

I’m a great fan of British comedy and I regard out sitcoms as the funniest in the world, which is hardly surprising considering I am British myself and relate to the humour.

Comedies from across the pond don’t always strike a chord with me and while I generally find them amusing, they tend to lack the cutting edge that I find in British sitcoms.

Nevertheless, I have enjoyed many bright and hilarious sitcoms that have found their way from America onto my tellybox and it is those programmes that I would like to focus on in this post.

I present to you, dear reader, my top ten US sitcoms, programmes that I have genuinely enjoyed and found myself howling with laughter at.

Note – I am not including cartoons like The Simpsons and South Park (which I really enjoy). For this I will concentrate on live action shows. So without further ado, here is my list:

10. Friends

Friends was extremely popular in the UK and Mrs PM loved it – as did both of my kids. I caught the odd episode but never really got it – until I saw an absolutely hilarious episode featuring Ross and spray tan:



And then I watched it again and became hooked. Sadly, that was late in the series so I found myself watching old reruns. To be honest, I was not too keen on the “will they/won’t they” relationship with Ross and Rachel but the other character relationships were good enough to keep me entertained – particularly Joey, my favourite character in the show.

9. Taxi

When I was a kid, I caught an episode of Taxi with the character Latka Gravas, played brilliantly by the enigmatic Andy Kaufman.  Here he is offering his philosophy on happiness:




Most of the actors have gone on the achieve great things: Danny DeVito and Christopher Lloyd in particular, but I am fascinated with Andy Kaufman. If you ever get a chance to see the movie about Kaufman's life, called Man on the Moon and starring Jim Carrey as Kaufman, then please do. I recommend it.

Being from the UK, I only knew Andy Kaufman as Latka Gravas and when I saw the movie, I was astounded to see the mystery surrounding him, something we never knew. To me he was and always will be Latka – my favourite character in the show – but there was so much more.

8. Soap

Soap was another sitcom from the 1970’s that took the piss out of soap operas, with over the top characters and absurd plots. I loved it. Basically it was the story of two sisters and their families but it was much more than that – it was totally ridiculous – and that’s what made it brilliant:

My favourite characters were Burt Campbell (shown in the clip) and Benson the butler with his cutting wit.

7. Police Squad!

Police Squad! was silly – totally silly, silly enough to be as absolutely hilarious. Leslie Nielsen was a comic genius and how he managed to keep a straight face while filming the show and the three movies that were spawned from it, I will never know. I don’t think there has been a sitcom like it in America (correct me if I’m wrong) and there probably won’t be again.

Here is a typically silly scene:




6. Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Continuing on the cop show theme, Brooklyn Nine-Nine is a brand new series set in New York and features some of the best characters I’ve seen in a comedy show. Particularly surprising is Andre Braugher, who plays Captain Holt. I’ve only previously seen him in serious movies or mini-series and he has adapted to comedy extremely well. Also worth a mention are Andy Samberg as the childish Detective Peralta and Stephanie Beatriz as the sexy but scary Detective Diaz. It is one of my favourite comedy shows on television on either side of the pond at the moment.




5. Sledge Hammer

And yet more cop humour, Sledge Hammer was a parody of the Dirty Harry movies in the 1980’s. Sledge Hammer is a crazy cop of the same ilk as Clint Eastwood’s famous creation except he loves violence, big guns and even talks to his own gun. He has an extremely loud Captain, called Captain Trunk who spends the entire episode screaming “HAAMMMMEERRRRRR!!!”. Sledge Hammer was brilliantly portrayed by David Rasche and his catch phrase is fantastic: “Trust me! I know what I’m doing.” – except he doesn't really know at all:

4. The Office (US)

The Office in the UK was absolutely hilarious, and when it was announced that a US version of the show would be produced, I thought that America would just not get it, therefore the show would be completely different and nowhere near as funny. But I was wrong. The American version, while not quite as good as the original, has sailed off in a different direction and proved to be a very funny show in its own right. I don’t think Michael Scott is as amusing and cringeworthy as David Brent but the character of Dwight Schrute more than makes up for that:

3. Frasier

The first time I saw Frasier was on a long haul flight from Hong Kong to London and my guffawing made me look like a complete fool to the other passengers. Frasier Crane, and his brother Niles, are both such pompous arses that you can’t help but chuckle when they are brought down to earth – like in this scene:



Also, the character of Daphne has helped put Manchester on the map for Americans (even though her accent is nothing like Mancunian). Still, every little helps and I’m sure most Mancunians mind – even plastic ones like me.

2. Married With Children

Al Bundy was my hero and I had a crush on his daughter Kelly. What I liked about this series was that the family all lived together and tolerated each other even though they all appeared to hate each other. In fact all of the characters spent every episode hurling insults and belittling each other – and that was so different from almost all other US sitcoms I have seen. And of course, it was hilarious.



1. Curb Your Enthusiasm

Al Bundy was my hero, but Larry David, the evil Larry David in Curb Your Enthusiasm is most definitely my hero. When most of us bite our tongues to stop ourselves from saying something or doing something that might upset other people, Larry David has no qualms about bounding over the line of bad taste without a care in the world for the consequences of his actions. And along the way he meets other celebrities who are equally willing to portray alternative versions of themselves for our amusement. It is the funniest show to come out of the US. Even Mrs PM has grown to like it; at first she said “It just isn’t funny” but now she laughs as much if not more than me when we see an episode. It is clever, totally and utterly politically incorrect and takes no prisoners – and that includes the rather colourful language and adult themes that accompany it. Here are some examples – but be warned, they contain language that may offend.

And finally…

Over to you, dear reader.

Have you seen any of the sitcoms above?

Do you agree with me?

If not, what are your favourite US sitcoms?

Staring at a Blank Page

There is nothing more frustrating than sitting at my desk staring at a blank screen like a brainless idiot.

When I suffer from this affliction, my brain has somehow switched off and no amount of coaxing can kick-start my thinking engine.

Writers and bloggers will of course recognise this condition as writer’s block, something I have suffered from in the past, yet there are other forms that affect people other than those who are trying to put pen to paper and create something from their imagination.

For example, I have found myself sitting at my desk at work, trying to figure out the best and most efficient way to create a bit of software to solve a particular problem, yet my brain refuses to cooperate. It’s almost as if my brain has been replaced by a lump of jelly.

And the harder I try to think, the worse it gets.

It’s like trying to catch formula one car while riding a bike.

I have read in the past that the pinnacle of creativity is achieved first thing in the morning, soon after waking up, and as the day goes on, your creativity diminishes in favour of more analytical tasks.

And I have used this to my advantage at work.

It didn’t take long for me to work out that if I looked at solving a problem with some clever software, it was always more of a struggle as the day wore on.  I would stare at my computer screen at five o’clock and think “How on earth am I going to solve this?”. When confronted with such a feeling so late, the best thing to do is simply to give up and go home.

The phrase “sleep on it” leaps to mind and in my case this works because, first thing in the morning, the problem that was bamboozling me the previous evening is suddenly incredibly easy to cure.

“Now why didn’t I spot that last night?” I exclaim – every single time.

I recently read that there are other aids to creativity. One in particular seems very appealing.

Basically, if you are struggling to be creative, all you need to do is get up and go for a walk.

I discovered this is a bizarre fashion. I am currently trying to teach myself Spanish and occasionally challenge myself by attempting to read BBC Mundo, the Spanish version of the BBC web site. My Spanish is nowhere near good enough to translate the articles thoroughly but I do get the gist of quite a few, mainly because the articles are about newsworthy items and a little knowledge of what is going on in the world helps.

I found an article titled “Caminar aumenta nuestra creatividad” or “Walking increases our creativity”.

As I struggled with the translation, I found myself fascinated with the concepts as the vague English formed in my head.

The article describes a study which confirms that exercise boosts your creative mind. This is great news for me because I try to go for a walk every day of the week. At work, every lunchtime, I leave the confines of the office and embark upon a brisk walk around the block, a distance of just under two miles. At the weekend, Mrs PM and I try to go for a walk too; we have a regular three mile walk around Fletcher Moss along the river Mersey in Didsbury, but sometimes drive out to the local countryside and embark upon a bigger walk up to say six miles. Moreover, when we go away for the weekend or on holiday, we enjoy a leisurely stroll around the place to take in the sights. Last year, in Hong Kong, I worked out that we walked for ten miles around the city, just visiting old haunts. In Oxford, earlier this year, we walked eight miles in a day just exploring the city centre.

How do I know this? I have a pedometer; it was a surprise Christmas present a year or two ago and it is surprisingly accurate.

Anyway, back to the point; my brisk two mile walk at lunchtime every day aids my creativity. For an hour or so when I get back to work, I am refreshed and able to look at tricky issues with the same sharpness as I have in the morning.

Just walking around the area surrounding the office, with music in my ears to accompany my pace, my mind starts to wander into creative realms.

I know it works because today’s creative thought was all about how walking can help combat writer’s block. When I returned to the office, I opened my trusty little notebook and wrote it down.

And here I am writing the post (although it is now ten o’clock at night – a time when theoretically I should be winding down for sleep).

Next time I get a touch of writer’s block I will go for a walk and see what happens.

So what about you, dear reader? 

Do you have any tips to boost creativity and help combat writer’s block or jelly brain syndrome?

I’m very interested because I am looking for alternatives (as walking is not always an option sadly).